Writes an anonymous social networker in Gainesville, Florida: “This guy and his (ex) roommate are friends of mine on Facebook, and they’ve been bickering back and forth for months now, airing their grievances for everyone to see.”
The girl eventually moved out, our submitter says, but it seems like maybe — just maybe — she left some unfinished business behind.
related: Thou shalt honor thy Facebook newsfeed, and keep it holy
140 responses so far ↓
#1
j.
hmm. i can’t tell if the guy is insane, a genius, or both.
kat may be embarrassed into paying the rent… but still…
Jun 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm rating: 37
#2
PANU
A veritable PAN goldmine.
Jun 29, 2008 at 8:30 pm rating: 10
#3
PANU
Tell me something, if there is ‘barely nothing’ left, does that mean there is a lot left?
Jun 29, 2008 at 8:32 pm rating: 37
#4
Mishee
first of all – the couscous? it was fucking delicious… (yes, I said it!)
secondly… KAT PAY THE EFFIN RENT ALREADY!
Jun 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm rating: 15
#5
Mishee
Danny also has excellent spelling, grammar, and sentence composition skills. And for that, I love him….
Jun 29, 2008 at 8:38 pm rating: 48
#6
anglophile
In the time it took to log onto Facebook, write the letter and post it, he could have gone to the store, purchased a new box, and cooked it. But bonus points for the Steinbeck shout-out.
Jun 29, 2008 at 8:40 pm rating: 14
#7
Quite Contrary
Danny and Kat are asspandas.
Jun 29, 2008 at 8:46 pm rating: 29
#8
Wade
I’m amused by the religious views entry.
The Unfunny Truth about Rentology.
Jun 29, 2008 at 8:54 pm rating: 17
#9
tnt
i so wish that i knew these ppl.
alas these are the things that i will NOT miss about the ‘ville (as us “locals” like to call it)
Jun 29, 2008 at 9:07 pm rating: 0
#10
Sarah
Scene: Danny’s apartment. Danny’s new roommate, who we will call Joanne, has come to visit. Our friend Katrina refuses to speak to Danny herself.
JOANNE: This is weird, very weird
I’m so mad that I don’t know what to do.
So my roommate just sent
Me over here about rent
But she won’t even talk about you!
DANNY: Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
Mysteriously low on gasoline?
JOANNE: As a matter of fact…
DANNY: Honey, I know this act.
It’s called the Tango Katrina.
The Tango Katrina
It’s a dark dizzy merry-go-round
And she makes you twisted…
JOANNE: You’re wrong.
DANNY: She’ll get you evicted!
JOANNE: It’s different with me!
DANNY: And you toss and you turn
‘Cause last night you learned
The heating bill just went unpaid?
JOANNE: I think I know what you mean…
DANNY: The Tango Katrina!
Have you ever gone to the pantry, and lost your couscous?
JOANNE: (unconvincingly) …Never.
DANNY: Have you ever asked if she ate your food?
JOANNE: It’s no use…
Are eviction notes taped to your door?
DANNY: Every day. So be cautious.
JOANNE: Does she leave empty litterboxes?
DANNY: More than empty.
JOANNE: I’m getting… nauseous…
Jun 29, 2008 at 9:14 pm rating: 64
#11
zombieBlanco
I like how Danny qualifies that Kat is probably a bad person for not paying rent.
Stalin sent thousands to the gulags, and is probably a bad person for it.
See? That probably makes everything better!
Jun 29, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: 19
#12
Canthz_B
Maybe the litter boxes were intended as compensation for the couscous?
Jun 29, 2008 at 9:32 pm rating: 7
#13
brettt
I’m on Kat’s side here.
That rent money bought me a tub of DELICIOUS couscous, and I took a bath in it.
Jun 29, 2008 at 9:43 pm rating: 3
#14
damon
Fucking MASTERPIECE! I’m gonna print a screenshot of this and friggin FRAME IT!
Jun 29, 2008 at 9:49 pm rating: 2
#15
John in IL
Human decency gets two thumbs up from me! Overrated? Nahhhh.
Jun 29, 2008 at 10:44 pm rating: 3
#16
fink
He goes by Danny… isn’t that enough? He’s been doomed from the start. Let’s review the Dannys we know:
Danny Bonaduce (I don’t think I need to qualify this one)
Danny Wood (of NKOTB!)
Danny Elfman (He got a shitty name in the front and the back: double penetration!)
Danny Devito (Taxi, Matilda)
Danny Glover (I think that’s an alias for Samuel L. Jackson…)
Jun 29, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: 12
#17
Epi
Wow… Danny’s a whiny bitch. Way to bitch fight on facebook…. Loser…
Jun 29, 2008 at 11:04 pm rating: 0
#18
Abe Froman
Too bad Danny didn’t lay a golden egg at 11:05. Then he could have paid the damn rent himself!
Jun 29, 2008 at 11:55 pm rating: 9
#19
Lo
That rent money was fucking delicious.
Jun 30, 2008 at 12:42 am rating: 2
#20
Ashley
Is anyone else a little bit curious to hear the lyrics to “I don’t want to get evicted” ?
Jun 30, 2008 at 1:24 am rating: 5
#21
JuanRojas
Actually the couscous wasn’t fucking delicious and I vomited it in the litter box. Damn me for wanting to try everything, once.
Jun 30, 2008 at 3:31 am rating: 5
#22
RALPHY
So-he got stiffed by his girlfriend that he let move in. He probably got his money’s worth in the intervening months. If he misses his couscous that much, he might try coca-puffs and grits. Get over it-life goes on.
Jun 30, 2008 at 4:17 am rating: 1
#23
Burghardt
I think he should have said “the-box-formerly-known-as-couscous”.
Jun 30, 2008 at 5:03 am rating: 4
#24
Rowdy
Dear Dan,
Couscous invited you to a game of Scrabulous on Facebook.
‘Sorry Dan, It’s not you; it’s me, I’m just I’m not ready for a Tajine right now. I still care about you but Kat was always the one for me.’
To reply to this message, follow the link below:
facebook.com/n/?inbox/readmessage.php
Jun 30, 2008 at 5:56 am rating: 12
#25
Jsmoke
Dan is a friggin douche! Couscous? Are you kidding me Dan, couscous? You should be exiled from civilization. However, Katrina pay what you owe.
Jun 30, 2008 at 7:24 am rating: 1
#26
Pip
Epic! The ode to the $2.99 box of couscous was classic.
Jun 30, 2008 at 7:45 am rating: 0
#27
claw71
This is really weak. Dan’s not brilliant, he’s a moron and he’s also gutless. These notes aren’t
passive aggressive at all, they’re passive whiny. Boo-friggity-Hoo. Dan needs to stop looking for couscous in his pantry and see if there’s a pair of balls in there. Honestly just one would do.
Dear Kat: Pay the fucking rent or I’ll kneecap your mother. That’s how I roll. And I don’t eat couscous. Jesus, Dan, couscous? Do you eat that before or after you take a bath with the scented candles and perfumed salts? Pansy.
I think Kat should keep on keeping on. She should invite that stinky homeless guy from down the street to stay in Dan’s room and snatch food right out of Dan’s hands when he’s snacking in the living room. She should wipe her ass with his dress shirts and let him try to fish them out of the stopped up commode.
It’s harsh but the world doesn’t need people like Dan. He needs to be pushed over the edge. If that stimulates the development of a spine, great. If it drives him to throw himself in front of a train, so be it. Either way, we’re better off.
Jun 30, 2008 at 7:52 am rating: 32
#28
thatswhatshesaid
I think Kat owes me rent, too.
Jun 30, 2008 at 7:58 am rating: 3
#29
Rowdy
I wonder if Kat smoked in the apartment and also raped Dan before leaving.
Jun 30, 2008 at 8:00 am rating: 26
#30
Beth
Kat,
Please see Casey in HR to pay the rent.
THX SANDRA
Jun 30, 2008 at 8:45 am rating: 10
#31
se
An open letter to a box of couscous? Isn’t that just too fucking cute.
Damn, just noticed that I pretty much echoed #26.
Jun 30, 2008 at 9:49 am rating: 0
#32
Cowgirlgraphics
I know I’m going against the grain here, but the only reason Kat moved in was for the free rent. When she found out it was “put out or get out” she left … leaving Danny with the only cover story he could muster: that she wouldn’t pay the rent … oh Danny boy, you should know by now, when she found that box of couscous she just wasn’t that into you.
Move on.
Jun 30, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: 8
#33
djr
Danny should spend less time bitching on Facebook and more time earning some rent money.
Jun 30, 2008 at 10:42 am rating: 1
#34
GhostWriter
In truth, everything is rent:
DANNY:
How can I document her price?
Kat’s escalating my
eviction each day…
KATRINA:
Interests? – Schminterests!
Blow me, Dan!
..and now your headshot,
“Katrina, Please Pay…” ??
Rent !
Why do you write so long
though your roommate’s gone,
when I once shouted “I don’t care!”
Damn your notes, they suck
Why do you bother? Couscous vanished into thin air…
DANNY:
Now I’m hungry and bitter
(I sent this thru Twitter)
When you gonna pay?
When you gonna pay?
When you gonna pay-
Last month’s rent?
KATRINA:
Why don’t you start to cry?
Is there nothing you’ve learned?
never felt like cleaning up in my room…
DANNY:
How can you denigrate me
when you don’t pay your fees?
Here’s an egg for you!
You left me a cat tray
With nasty-ass cat waste
When you gonna pay?
When you gonna pay?
When you gonna pay-
Last month’s rent?
Jun 30, 2008 at 11:02 am rating: 8
#35
claw71
The reason Kat stopped paying the rent is because she got tired of asking Dan to stop making tea with her dirty panties. Unfortunately for us she confronted Dan directly rather the post her issues online.
Jun 30, 2008 at 11:04 am rating: 5
#36
Lurker
Haiku for Danny and Kat
Kat, please pay the rent.
Please, Kat, pay the rent. Please, Kat.
Please pay the rent, Kat.
Has Kat paid the rent?
Has Kat paid the rent? Now? Now?
The rent – has Kat paid?
Kat won’t pay the rent.
The rent won’t be paid by Kat.
Pay the rent? Kat won’t.
Kat ate my couscous.
My couscous is inside Kat,
Or Kat’s new toilet.
Jun 30, 2008 at 11:36 am rating: 8
#37
Amanda
Oh my god. Glorious.
Jun 30, 2008 at 1:13 pm rating: 0
#38
Candice
Men eat cous cous??
Jun 30, 2008 at 1:21 pm rating: 3
#39
nmallen
Amusing… really very amusing…
Jun 30, 2008 at 1:28 pm rating: 2
#40
Moonsilver
Ok, through this whole thing there is no mention of an actual feline in this scenario. Is Kat the cat that used the litter box and if so, it’s no wonder she moved out without paying rent. This apartment has no bathroom. Also, if this guy has a litter box and no cat, how do we know he ever really had a box of couscous. Maybe he just had a picture of a box of couscous.
Jun 30, 2008 at 1:56 pm rating: 7
#41
Moonsilver
Perhaps Dan’s cat is in fact Schrodinger’s cat and that’s why you have to be Schrodinger’s duck.
(Meant to add this to previous thread, but I goofed and can’t figure out how to edit it out. Sigh.)
Jun 30, 2008 at 3:09 pm rating: 2
#42
secondsout
The really stupid thing about having a petty war over Facebook is that Kat can just easily delete him from her Facebook friends list and never see his updates again. Methinks a more direct approach, like taking her to small-claims court makes more sense. That, or holding her cat hostage until she pays the rent, sending pieces of the cat’s tail back to back up his threats.
Jun 30, 2008 at 4:49 pm rating: 1
#43
sutucd
I was the one who submitted this entry. I’m kinda mad PAN left out some key points (or maybe I forgot to mention them?), like the fact that Kat has 4 cats, not just 1. Also, even when she knew she was going to be moving out in a couple months, she went ahead and brought home a puppy. So not only was there a stinky litterbox to deal with, but also puppy accidents as he was being potty trained. It’s not a big apartment.
Kat and Danny never dated, they were just good friends. Things took a turn for the worse and after lots of passive-aggressive behavior toward each other, Kat decided to break the lease early and move out. She still legally owed Danny rent and refused to pay. Things got bad when Kat publically declared via facebook status she would not be paying the rent and perhaps Danny should’ve considered that before treating her badly, as if that canceled out any legal obligations. Danny then made a facebook group titled “Kat should pay the rent” which only lasted a few days before facebook took it down, but had quite a lot of members. I think Kat eventually paid for one month’s rent, maybe two, but then stopped and I’m pretty sure Danny just dropped it.
Jun 30, 2008 at 4:50 pm rating: 6
#44
Guest99
I’ll bet Kat was a Cat. Dan’s red-meat-eating-balls-o-steel-having other personality (lets call him Ted Nugent) used the couscous for litter due to its excellent urine absorption properties.
I’d like to correct Danny’s non-perishables organizing. The rightful place for a box of couscous is between the sack of grits and box of farina at the bottom of your rubbish bin.
Team suck it couscous eater.
Jun 30, 2008 at 5:00 pm rating: 0
#45
Lurker
I will not pay it with my loot;
I will not pay with cake and fruit;
I will not pay the flipping rent;
I will not pay a single cent.
I will not pay five hundred clams;
I will not pay it, Dan-I-Am
Jun 30, 2008 at 9:28 pm rating: 8
#46
Claude Speed
Wow, so many people here siding with Kat, even though she was the one being a bitch by jumping without paying the rent, taking the couscous and leaving her cat’s turds.
I guess by everyone’s estimation Danny should have either sucked it up, or hire someone to beat her. Beat her with an aluminum bat until she gets brain damage and her parent decide to pull the plug.
Harsh.
Jul 1, 2008 at 12:07 am rating: 3
#47
cricket
I have to side with Danny here. having to actually CHASE a roommate for money SUCKS.
my last roommate also used to steal weed from me while I was out walking HIS dog.
I am a doormat no more. fuck Kat right in her goddamned ear.
Jul 1, 2008 at 12:16 am rating: 2
#48
Russ
After reading this, I felt amused. I then began to wonder if some people might have a little too much time on their hands. For God’s sakes, just buy a new box…
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
Jul 1, 2008 at 1:09 am rating: 0
#49
Agent Inspired
Facebook is not the place for this kind of drama.
Team they both suck.
Jul 1, 2008 at 3:03 am rating: 0
#50
FreddyK
I’m with Danny here, Kat sounds like a total bitch who deserves to have it brought to everyone’s attention. Danny may have whined a little too much about it, but it was in such an amusing way it’s ok. Oh I wish I knew him or both of them and was able to follow the drama as it was happening.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:29 am rating: 0
#51
TC
Is it possible that Kat and Michelle a.k.a. “Fucking-Delicious-Outback-Bread-Girl” are the same person? It seems like too much of a coincidence. Obviously, they are both carb lovers, they both get inebriated and go frig diving, and they both seem to enjoy living with spineless douchebags.
Bravo Kat!
Jul 1, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: 2
#52
pers
I’m on team couscous…Kat and Danny both fail at life.
Go Team Couscous!
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:52 pm rating: 1
#53
Masha G.
So, why did he lay an egg? And did he eat it with couscous later? This “Kat needs to pay the rent” thing is distracting from the real news.
Jul 3, 2008 at 12:23 am rating: 1
#54
hello
Man, that couscous letter was pretty eloquent.
Jul 25, 2008 at 9:33 pm rating: 0
#55 please pick up your dirty laundry ASAP | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes
[...] related: in daylights? in sunsets? in midnights? in posts on facebook? [...]
Aug 28, 2008 at 7:06 pm rating: 0
#56
Sydney
This might be the funniest thing I have seen on the internet. ever.
Aug 30, 2008 at 9:46 pm rating: 0
#57
Gail
I’m in love with Danny. Kat sucks.
I can’t believe anyone thinks Danny “whines too much”. For one thing, he’s hilarious.. For another, the bitch left him holding the bag for the rent, eats his food, and leaves a filthy litter box behind for him to deal with. I mean, come on. You see “drama”, I see a guy having some fun with a sucky situation. Team Danny all the way.
Dec 5, 2008 at 10:43 am rating: 3
#58
Kristen
Changing your entire facebook to torment a former roommate? Fucking epic.
Kat’s a twat and needs to handle her bills. Danny is a fucking legend, and I want to be his best friend.
Dec 8, 2008 at 2:44 pm rating: 3
#59
Aphasia23
This is quite possibly one of the greatest things I have ever seen.
Ever.
Jun 22, 2009 at 5:49 pm rating: 0
#60
chibis223
Liked the title reference. Mad props to Sarah and GhostWriter for the re-written lyrics. <3
For the record, I freaking LOVE couscous. I never make less than a cup at a time and no matter how hungry I am/am not, I finish all of it. There are so many tasty things to do with it, but eating it straight out of the pot is entirely possible as well.
Quit being such culturally illiterate pussies and give foreign foods a chance.
Jul 10, 2009 at 3:55 pm rating: 1
#61
loverofthenotes
“Danny just laid an egg” LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Aug 20, 2009 at 12:40 am rating: 0
#62
cortlandbu
satellite seasonal estimate adjust extinction emitted glacial
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jonellgodo
worldwide absolute southern relative negative modeling
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#64
oi
I love denny.
denny I ‘ll marry you.
Aug 20, 2009 at 5:44 pm rating: 1
#65
oi
ah! general vote is against danny.
That’s just shame.
Aug 20, 2009 at 5:55 pm rating: 2
#66
jerelbewle
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evianramos
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lawsondick
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clarrisaki
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cableharbo
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#71
cja.
i think i am in love with this guy.
Oct 27, 2009 at 4:48 am rating: 0
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GK
Wait a second… why are the spambots posting .edu and .gov URLs?
Oct 27, 2009 at 4:58 am rating: 0
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brawleycat
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edeecoker
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