nadia received this letter from her boyfriend’s cousin, amy, who recently relocated with her boyfriend from saskatoon to victoria, canada…and have been shacking up with nadia and her boyfriend since then. over the past month, roomie relations have become a bit strained, to say the least.
“we had to send a stray cat she was harboring to a friend’s house temporarily (my allergies were killing me!),” nadia says, and amy proceeded to pout for three days straight. a minor-blow out ensued, which was then followed by this untitled composition. nadia and her boyfriend are scheduled to move out on wednesday.
UPDATE: adds nadia: “a friend of mine (B.A. in professional writing and linguistics) and i (a high school science and math teacher with a zoology degree and a B.Ed. corrected all of the mistakes in the letter.” then, fighting ire with ire, they posted it on the fridge.
related: nice move
354 responses so far ↓
#1
zombieBlanco
Dear Amy,
As a personal opinion you should eat s**t and die.
Nadia
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:12 pm rating: +20
#2
Delurker
Amy’s sense of compassion and lack of understanding of grammar are humbling. Really, she’s just looking out for Nadia’s best interest here. Right? Amy your special (your special what, I don’t know, but your special something for sure).
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:19 pm rating: +35
#3
john
wow. just wow.
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:19 pm rating: +3
#4
Sarah
Fun Fact: If the words in this note were stacked on top of each other, they would be visible from Alpha Centauri.
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:20 pm rating: +21
#5
anglophile
For someone who doesn’t want to speak to Nadia anymore, Amy sure has a lot to say.
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:23 pm rating: +71
#6
Al
Why do people creating these printed missives always amend them in pen? Do they not have access to a second piece of paper to re-print it with the edits?
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:33 pm rating: +33
#7
Kristen
Amy, she’s all about the “others.” Give that girl the Nobel Peace Prize. Or alert Jack Shephard. Or both.
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:33 pm rating: +21
#8
Peter
Amy needs a grammar lesson. One slip-up is okay, but the number of times she wrote “your” instead of “you’re” tells me that she has no idea of the difference between the two.
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:38 pm rating: +10
#9
se
Amy,
simple solution..
Get your own place. Move the fuck out.
Jul 1, 2008 at 9:51 pm rating: +37
#10
class-factotum
Did she write that thing on a typewriter? Who has a typewriter any more? I could never find one at work when I need to make just one or two labels.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:04 pm rating: +1
#11
alie
oh dear, oh dear, poor little victim amy. and how special that she can diagnose nadia with so many character defects in such a short period of time. i wish i had such esp, er, discerning skills. i’m a bit worried about carl though. i see you went out of your way to mention that carl liked nadia ‘as a friend’. hmmmm, interesting, no?
nadia, no good deed goes unpunished, eh?
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:08 pm rating: +8
#12
loudQUIETloud
I love the “I don’t know if you have a problem with women or are intimidated by me or envious of me” bit. In addition to all her other obvious faults, Amy’s *that* female, the one who believes that if another woman doesn’t like her, it’s because that woman is jealous of her or can’t get along with other women. Pot kettle black.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:09 pm rating: +47
#13
temporaryennui
all i can think if when i read this letter is that it’s “you’re,” damn.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:16 pm rating: +8
#14
anglophile
I think the entire note can be explained by the last two (typed) sentences. Sure Carl likes her “as a friend”. Sure she doesn’t want to affect their friendship.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:16 pm rating: +7
#15
César
soo immature
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:18 pm rating: +4
#16
Steph
Amy may be over 30, but I bet she has a better command of English!
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:36 pm rating: +5
#17
vivitop
Dear LITTLE Amy,
Writing BAD letter is extremely immature. Others who know you agree. Work on that!
Nadia
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:40 pm rating: +9
#18
lauraebk
I love that it is “untitled.” I think I adore that someone took the time to not title this note.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:44 pm rating: +8
#19
catherine
HAHA at “others who know you agree”, but that moron’s own boyfriend thinks she’s being a dumbass, to the point she was forced to include a post script. Amy darling, your imaginary friends don’t count as people.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:46 pm rating: +21
#20
agirlie
this note is soo immature, and I’m not the only one who thinks so. My invisible friends that I told about you totally agree with me.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:48 pm rating: +9
#21
John in IL
I don’t understand why this shit is titled “untitled”. Lazy Amy spends all this time typing the note and she can’t think of a fucking title? How ’bout “Your a bitch, Nadia”.
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:49 pm rating: +34
#22
alban
She used notepad, a step down from wordpad, and didn’t bother to save it – hence the untitled at the top, notepad prints the title first and if it isn’t saved, it goes with untitled. Then, having not saved, and wanting to amend, she went with pen instead of retyping. I have to say, this note reflects some of the qualities she ascribes straight back on her. And your instead of you’re repeatedly drives me nuts!
Jul 1, 2008 at 10:58 pm rating: +20
#23
Quite Contrary
Most people pick up on the fact that someone does not wish to speak to them when that someone…wait for it…doesn’t speak to them. I didn’t know it needed to be put into writing.
Does this mean that if I don’t want to have a written correspondence with someone (i.e., email), that I should TELL them?
Jul 1, 2008 at 11:13 pm rating: +23
#24
Bikerbabee
So this was Nadia’s apartment and they are the ones moving? Gee..I can’t imagine why..
Jul 1, 2008 at 11:36 pm rating: +6
#25
The Nadia in Question
My friend and I double edited this letter (I’m a high school science teacher and he majored in professional writing) and I posted it on our refrigerator this morning. I’m also leaving this site up on the computer screen for as long as I can until we take said computer away (for the record, she used my very printer, toner and paper to print this for me). Passive aggressive of me? Yes, but I’ll admit that freely. She’s also shitty at math. I’m 29.
Jul 1, 2008 at 11:42 pm rating: +92
#26
Adhara
Holy geez, if I didn’t know better (different name and country, don’tcha know), I’d think it was my ex-roommate, who is nuttier than an outhouse rat AND stupid. The accusations of immaturity and manipulativeness, along with the unlawful torture of English, are just like the sort of shit she used to say to me. (I didn’t see “abusive” in there, though. That was Psycho Hose-Beast’s other favourite insult to throw at me. Yes, because I understand the idea of mental conditions like ADD and depression and don’t let her get away with using hers as an excuse to get her way all the time, that makes me abusive. xP)
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:24 am rating: +7
#27
Max
I hope you put a big red, “unacceptable. See me,” at the top of the page.
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:28 am rating: +38
#28
Canthz_B
I just think it was darling of Amy to not ban Nadia from her own upstairs.
Get a grip, Squatter, or go back to Saskatoon. Carl can stay since he knows you have delusions of grandeur.
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:30 am rating: +15
#29
known unknown
I edit all of my PAN posts in pen…
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:32 am rating: 0
#30
Crash
And all of that was page one…
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:44 am rating: +3
#31
Canthz_B
How dare Nadia belittle Amy as some imperfect person?
Why, Amy’s perfection is world renowned!
Now let’s get on the ball the rest of us and stop using that imperfect “you’re” contraction!
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:45 am rating: +2
#32
globalnole
Wait, is that crazy I smell?
No, probably just the cat.
Jul 2, 2008 at 1:49 am rating: +12
#33
mikofanclub
“you are slobby and bitchy with your little games” – oh I don’t care what ANYONE says… Amy “yr” a wordsmith!!!!!
Jul 2, 2008 at 1:54 am rating: +5
#34
SF Iris
Am I the only one who thinks it’s utterly ridiculous of Amy to be making any kinds of complaints given that SHE’S the one who moved in? Just sayin’.
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:00 am rating: +19
#35
Liz
First of all, what couple in their right mind would take another couple into their home as “roommates” when they are OVER 30?? Second of all, Team Nadia. Sounds like Amy is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:23 am rating: +8
#36
cricket
all work and no play makes Amy a dull girl all work and no play makes Amy a dull girl. all work and no play makes Amy a dull girl all work and no play makes Amy a dull girl.
Jul 2, 2008 at 4:05 am rating: +10
#37
DirtyOldLady
I’ll have to remember this tactic, the next time I move. No need to fret about finding a job in a new city, or finding a new place! I just have to move in with a friend (or a cousin, or a cousin’s friend), set up camp, make an ass of myself, and refuse to leave, running them out of their own home! That’s brilliant!
I mean, I’ll have to work hard at unlearning grammar and spelling, but I’ll make up for it by decorating my passive-aggressive notes with smiley faces and pink penii.
So, Nadia… you’ve got a new place, right? I don’t suppose you’re looking for a new roommate?
Jul 2, 2008 at 6:40 am rating: +13
#38
Amy
Amy is a complete and utter asshole. She should be required to repeat fourth grade until she knows how to use an apostrophe. She is “shacking up,” which implies that Nadia and her boyfriend are the holders of the lease. So why the hell is Nadia the one moving out?
–Different Amy
Jul 2, 2008 at 6:41 am rating: +5
#39
Sophie
Holy shite! My husband receives similar matters from his mother every now and then.
They are from what I like to call the school of ‘Attack and Retreat’… meaning the ‘not talking to you’ time starts right at the end of the sentence where they have slagged the crap out of you.
I think Amy needs copious amounts of emotional counselling but its probably a lost cause.
Jul 2, 2008 at 7:45 am rating: +4
#40
DanOhh
Page 1… where’s is page #2!!! There must be more to this epic letter.
Jul 2, 2008 at 8:53 am rating: +3
#41
Lurker
I love how she says, “To answer an obvious upcoming question, this is the shit I’m referring to:” and then goes on to a list of the most vague, nonspecific, sweeping generalizations she can come up with.
Jul 2, 2008 at 9:02 am rating: +32
#42
Eve
What an insane bitch. “Greatful” has a special way of making me want to stab people in the eyes.
Jul 2, 2008 at 9:19 am rating: +14
#43
Captain Needa
This is the best entry ever on this site. Nadia you are a hero.
Jul 2, 2008 at 9:53 am rating: +6
#44
GhostWriter
Opening Statement: Nadia is the insane bitch here.
Over the course of this trial, I will prove that Nadia sabotaged Amy’s relationship with both her cousin and boyfriend with malice and forethought, killed Amy’s cat, routinely threw temper tantrums when topics of conversation bothered her, and is the probable source of Amy’s oddly low rating on http://www.hotornot.com.
Nadia became an outsider the day Amy moved in. Amy’s close and special blood bond with her cousin enraged Nadia, who considers her boyfriend (as well as a shared printer and paper) private property. Misinterpreting family ties as romantic attraction, she immediately tried to seduce Amy’s boyfriend as a counter-attack. When that didn’t work (Nadia is no master of seduction) she began her campaign of misinformation and innuendo. “Amy drank all your wine!” she stated, when it was Nadia who poured it down the sink. “Amy told me she thinks you’re hot; that’s weird!” she whispered to her boyfriend. “Amy actually cooks wontons in canola oil- she’s so stupid!” Nadia’s continual verbal attacks (“That’s not “Amy”, it’s “Lay-Me”!) are a matter of public record.
Let the record show that Amy drinks less wine that Nadia (as do most winos), Amy has never kissed, danced with, held hands, or sat in the loveseat with her cousin (all of which Nadia has attempted with Amy’s boyfriend) , and Amy has won a city cooking competition with her wonton recipe.
Nadia, on the other hand, has been arrested twice for drunk and disorderly conduct, and once for shoplifting. She is under internal investigation for inappropriate sexual conduct involving four of her male students, along with the lacrosse coach. Nadia is currently delinquent in paying the agreed-on rent, basing her argument on the fact that Amy uses more shampoo, and should therefore pay more rent. Nadia has never even entered, much less won, any cooking competition.
In the end, you will see that Amy is the victim here.
Jul 2, 2008 at 10:24 am rating: +25
#45
Mishee
This kind of reminds of me of the not-so-well received John Laroquette/Kirstie Alley vehicle of 1990’s
“Madhouse”
Don’t forget to jiggle the handle!
Jul 2, 2008 at 10:35 am rating: +2
#46
Phalange
Awesome. Although now I think I’m gonna have the “People’s Court” music stuck in my head the entire day.
Jul 2, 2008 at 10:44 am rating: 0
#47
Qwerty
I can’t believe no one’s said this before, but Amy is a total asspanda.
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: +19
#48
Ryan
Jesus, at least double space the damn thing! I think my eyes are bleeding.
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: +5
#49
Ryan
Math Equation for You Amy…..
You = Homeless
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:53 am rating: +13
#50
pers
Dear Amy,
How old are you? Silent treatment? Grow up infant.
Sincerely, The rest of the world.
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: +5
#51
naoh
eh, I don’t trust nadia. she says that amy and bf were “shacking up” with them. amy’s obviously nuts, but if it’s true that they were “roommates” (i.e., amy and bf were paying rent), then it strikes me that we can’t really trust nadia who tried to paint this as her doing a big favor for amy and bf. This note is still nutso, but I’d bet that nadia is also at fault here.
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:39 pm rating: +3
#52
Nix
Well thank heavens they can still visit Carl! Will someone PLEASE think of Carl?!
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: +11
#53
ryan
i love how nadia is the “immature” one when amy is the one invoking the silent treatment. priceless.
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:43 pm rating: +9
#54
Agent Inspired
I love the way she typed it up in Notepad and then editted it in blue ink because it wasn’t nasty enough, and I love how Nadia and her boyfriend are the ones moving out.
That takes a very special kind of roommate. XD
Jul 2, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: +2
#55
Moonsilver
Dear Amy,
There is a new drug called Xanax that doctors are now prescribing for PMS. All of my friends (including Carl) agree that your a prime candidate.
Love and kisses,
Nadia
Jul 2, 2008 at 1:33 pm rating: +4
#56
unholyghost2003
“As a personal opinion you should improve your social skills and personality as I’m not the only one who thinks so. Others who know you agree.”
READ: When I was bitching about you to my mom (Nadia’s Boyfriend’s Aunt) she said that maybe you could be a little nicer and that one time when I was throwing a screaming hissy fit my cousin/your boyfriend said “Nadia, just leave her alone.” because he was trying to keep some kind of peace and knew he would get nowhere trying to make me see reason.
Jul 2, 2008 at 1:38 pm rating: +3
#57
TNIQ
By the way, I kind of love you all. Am I nasty and vengeful for posting here? You bet I am! And it looks like I’m in good company.
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:16 pm rating: +18
#58
agong
i just humped “some guy who never comments” note.
oh and i adopted the cat too.
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:31 pm rating: +4
#59
Mishee
Nadia and her friend with the green pen – I love you.
Especially “didn’t use effect – Good job! I’m surprised!” and the Oxford commas… great job!
LOL!
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:33 pm rating: +4
#60
Who Is the Real Nadi
I can’t really tell if TNIQ or The Nadia In Question is the real nadia.
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:35 pm rating: 0
#61
hamburke
I love when the submitters comment on and give backstory to the situation. Makes it even better!
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:39 pm rating: +2
#62
TuesdayPillow
I love the corrected page, very nice. However something tells me that Amy wasn’t 100% making up Nadia’s bitchiness, and at the same time Amy obviously isn’t mature enough to handle it without being a bitch back.
My opinion? They both need to make sure they never breed.
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:56 pm rating: +5
#63
Who Is the Real Nadi
WHO IS THE REAL NADIA. JESUS. ANSWER MY QUESTION!
Jul 2, 2008 at 3:36 pm rating: 0
#64
Summer
This is way too insane a letter to go untitled…any suggestions?
Jul 2, 2008 at 3:42 pm rating: +1
#65
JPav
AMY,
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN OUR PAN CREATIVE WRITING CLASS PLEASE SEE CASEY IN HUMAN RESOURCES.
THX,
SANDRA
Jul 2, 2008 at 3:44 pm rating: +26
#66
Who Is the Real Nadi
So who is the real Nadia?
Jul 2, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: 0
#67
Who Is the Real Nadi
Then why is no one answering? Idjut.
Jul 2, 2008 at 4:50 pm rating: 0
#68
Moleinthewall
Wow. And to think I was slightly sympathetic to Nadia before her response was posted. I hope they keep living together. It seems they deserve eachother’s company.
God help their boyfriends.
Jul 2, 2008 at 5:00 pm rating: +8
#69
itmustbeken
1opm
Channel 53 news
‘Tonight in Victoria, police investigate a multiple homicide…”
People, we have got to save Carl. Everyone loves him and he had nothing to do with this!
Jul 2, 2008 at 5:22 pm rating: +16
#70
JoeInLA
Sorry, Nadia, but I’m not buying the “innocent wounded” act. I can smell a bitch at 50 paces and you completely deserve the title. BTW, you’re the kind of people we make fun of on this site. Amy may have her issues, but at least she tried communicating with you. You, OTOH, continued your dismissive treatment of her by not only refusing to respond to her comments, but making fun of her to boot. You get my vote for passive-aggressive bitch of the day.
Jul 2, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: +16
#71
keshmeshi
Nadia having a friend copyedit the letter sure isn’t evidence of her belittlement and general contempt of Amy.
Jul 2, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: +7
#72
secondsout
Does anyone else seem to think that it’s really silly to “punish” somebody who doesn’t like you by not talking to her?
Jul 2, 2008 at 8:18 pm rating: +4
#73
Canthz_B
I can honestly say that after 10 full months on PAN I have never really disliked the writer or recipient of any of these notes, let alone both.
That is, until today.
Jul 2, 2008 at 9:44 pm rating: +6
#74
Bikerbabee
will someone please make and sell “Team save Carl” T-shirts?
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:57 pm rating: +4
#75
jess
Sorry Nadia, but I think it’s about time for you to at least accept some responsibility for a part of this disagreement. Amy’s note most definately fulfills all the criteria for being on this site, and is extremely bitchy and passive aggressive. However, there are two sides to every argument and it appears that you do take pleasure in cutting her down and making her feel stupid. Someone so well educated should at least possess the minor social skills needed to avoid offending someone so severely with their arrogance.
Team Amy, even though you both sound like huge bitches.
Jul 3, 2008 at 1:22 am rating: +15
#76
Eve
People. People! You’re all forgetting the cardinal rule of the Internet! The person who is most intentionally hilarious is right.
Ergo, Team Nadia!
Jul 3, 2008 at 1:55 am rating: +16
#77
Evie Keat
Oh God, I love it.
Team NADIA FTFW!!
Jul 3, 2008 at 3:48 am rating: +1
#78
JoeInLA is SPOT ON!
Yes, Amy’s note is classic. But Nadia’s note is even worse! After reading everything, Amy actually seems sweet. Nadia seems to be just the type of person Amy says she is, immature and disrespectful. Poor Amy. She tried averything to befriend Nadia, but Nadia was too snotty to respond graciously. I’ve known people like Nadia, and will guess that living with her is a nightmare. Thank goodness Amy and Carl have found someplace else to live.
Jul 3, 2008 at 9:18 am rating: +5
#79
Sophie
Nadia has been a bit of a bitch (self-confessed) but then seriously, if you were faced with THAT could you guarantee you would behave the way you should… particularly when faced with this crap day after day?
Not sure if I could. Posting here is Nadia’s way of dealing with the crap that Amy dishes out. And if Amy is stupid enough to put her shit in writing then she deserves it.
Jul 3, 2008 at 9:23 am rating: +5
#80
Sophie
Sweet?
Seriously dude. Get help!
Jul 3, 2008 at 9:24 am rating: +1
#81
Sophie
Oh, and Carl needs to fake his own death.
Jul 3, 2008 at 9:25 am rating: +13
#82
pers
Won’t anyone take a second and just think about Carl?!
Jul 3, 2008 at 11:10 am rating: +1
#83
octavius
Well, I checked out the British Columbia Residential Tenancy Act and the “renovation” excuse used by Nadia and Ash to chuck out the tenants in the other suite won’t fly. It’s got to be real and immediate work making the place uninhabitable, e.g. involving demolition not just maybe painting the bathroom sometime.
You can legally evict for your child ( Ash, Nadia’s bf ) but not for a niece ( Amy ). However Uncle Daddy didn’t use that justification and in any case moving someone around in the same building could easily be presented as a brazen attempt to subvert the intention of the Act.
Like I’m soo not trying to stir up trouble but three cheers for team innocent tenants kicked out to suit these two princesses.
Jul 3, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: +9
#84
agong
but who is the REAL nadia??? WHO DAMMIT??
I think they should just wrestle for the title “Passive Aggressive Bitch-hole”
Jul 3, 2008 at 6:12 pm rating: 0
#85
sprut
Team no one! I wouldn’t want to live with either of them.
I can’t help but notice some of the comments on here could probably make the site by themselves…ironic.
Jul 3, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: +4
#86
slag
how does carl put up with this chick?