Eli says this sign has been hanging in the window of the local pizza place for several weeks now. (Really, with that whole “talking and working” requirement, are you surprised they weren’t deluged with applications?)
related: Bizarre pardoning accident
126 responses so far ↓
#1
Mark
But it’s OK if I don’t sleep (yay meth), nailed the babysitter before I arrived, “expirience” bald tires every day, have to arrive late because of probation meetings (and nailing the babysitter), can wait up to 11 minutes until talking on the cell phone or smoking weed, and am able to talk and work and jerk off into the pizza sauce all at the same time? Am I hired?
Jul 6, 2008 at 9:23 pm rating: 90
#2
YourCunt
ummm…expensive gas, asshole boss…how would anyone not want this job.
Jul 6, 2008 at 9:33 pm rating: 90
#3
zombieBlanco
Must be able to talk and work at the same time.
Cardo’s is clearly practicing hiring discrimination against the mute. Quick, get our cracker-jack team of PAN lawyers-to-be on the case!
Jul 6, 2008 at 9:49 pm rating: 90
#4
Lurker
It’s kind of hard to not have a messed-up life on what you make in a pizza parlor.
We should make him a sign that says, “Your mother doesn’t apply to work here.”
Jul 6, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 90
#5
Agent Inspired
As a likely applicant, I would have stopped reading at do not apply.
Jul 6, 2008 at 10:03 pm rating: 90
#6
Canthz_B
This job requires an “anti-resume”.
A document which details everything that you do not do and will not contribute the the company.
Jul 6, 2008 at 10:03 pm rating: 90
#7
Sarah
But I can still steal from the register, right? OK, great.
Jul 6, 2008 at 10:05 pm rating: 90
#8
Canthz_B
Not the best Italian food in town.
If Cardo was “connected” he wouldn’t have employee problems.
Jul 6, 2008 at 10:07 pm rating: 90
#9
Quite Contrary
Can I do drugs in the bathroom?
Do you have company potlucks?
And your position on clearing the microwave timer?
Jul 6, 2008 at 10:07 pm rating: 90
#10
toni
How will Graham ever get a job now?
Jul 6, 2008 at 10:43 pm rating: 90
#11
Southern Girl
If you have to work and talk at the same time, why can’t it be on a cell phone? I am sure many an applicant can hold the cell with their shoulder, talk on it, to the customers, and wait tables all at once!
Jul 6, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: 90
#12
Canthz_B
1) I’m not so sure that Cardo wants help.
2) I’m pretty sure that Cardo “needs help”!
Jul 6, 2008 at 11:12 pm rating: 90
#13
aaa
Well, I’m an insomniac, the kids are working in the coal mines, and my bike is in tip-top condition. Does that mean I get the job?
Jul 6, 2008 at 11:29 pm rating: 90
#14
aaa
P.S.
I like the reflection of the dude taking the picture. Reminds me of reflectoporn. Which makes me simultaneously vomit and El Oh El out loud.
http://www.snopes.com/photos/risque/kettle.asp
Jul 6, 2008 at 11:29 pm rating: 90
#15
Abe Froman
The sign might as well read “Cardo’s Pizza is Not Hiring!”
Jul 6, 2008 at 11:31 pm rating: 90
#16
Delurker
If you “expirience” a flat tire, is it because you’ve passed the “best before” date on them?
Jul 6, 2008 at 11:36 pm rating: 90
#17
Crash
Well,
that excludes the elderly, the young, the reformed criminals and drug addicts, single parents and vocaly challenged.
So, who’s that leave left that would work at a pizza palor ?
And if someone must be able to talk and work at the same time, what’s the problem with them taling on the cell phone anyway ?
Jul 6, 2008 at 11:55 pm rating: 90
#18
TuesdayPillow
That pretty much excludes your typical pizza parlor employee. Is he truly expecting college graduates with ambition or something? Maybe someone with a strong work ethic, someone smart enough to not have gotten pregnant in their teens? How about people that have no police record and can afford to perform regular maintenance on their vehicles?
Those are the people WITH REAL JOBS, CARDO! Open a real business or deal with shitty employees for the rest of your life.
Jul 7, 2008 at 12:00 am rating: 90
#19
Sirius
This employer has an effective pre-screening process, ensuring he won’t get any prospective applicants who don’t like working for raging assholes.
Jul 7, 2008 at 12:28 am rating: 90
#20
Sydney
Shorter PAN: “If life happens to you sometimes, do not apply.”
Jul 7, 2008 at 12:53 am rating: 90
#21
Jsmoke
Memo to Cardo:
You do know your running a pizza joint right?
Jul 7, 2008 at 2:46 am rating: 90
#22
Chris
So, basically he is looking for someone who finds his ass with both hands when the lights are out?
Jul 7, 2008 at 3:02 am rating: 90
#23
prina
he want someone that can bend over and kiss his ass?!
Jul 7, 2008 at 3:17 am rating: 90
#24
RALPHY
Man-Sounds like this guy actually expects you to do something, like work. No thanks–I’ll stick with my government job.
Jul 7, 2008 at 6:36 am rating: 90
#25
schrodingersduck
I have no babysitter. I also have no children. Am I still disqualified?
Jul 7, 2008 at 8:36 am rating: 90
#26
Ryan
Sounds like what was understood to be requirements for the workplace prior to 1998.
I love how the note is structured so that it’s a figurative “finger of scorn” to those who have held the job before….!
Please no applications from those who already applied… This means you, Graham.
THX
Jul 7, 2008 at 8:38 am rating: 90
#27
xindi
iphone, reflected! yay!
Jul 7, 2008 at 9:10 am rating: 90
#28
Voca Popula
Dammit, just because I live on Broken Glass Avenue and expirience a flat tire every week, I can’t apply to work here? How will I ever get enough money together to move to a block where the streets are paved with real asphalt?
Jul 7, 2008 at 9:19 am rating: 90
#29
GhostWriter
Customer#1: “Hey, this pizza tastes like cardo-board!”
Customer #2: “Hey, is ‘Cardo’ short for ‘Cardio’, as in, I’m gonna have a heart attack after I finish this greasy pizza?”
Customer #3: ” Hey Ricky Rick-Cardo! Where’s LUUUUCy!”
Cardo: *sigh* I need a doorman…”
Jul 7, 2008 at 9:28 am rating: 90
#30
Shane
If you fill the above requirements, please see Casey in Human Resources.
THX SANDRA
Jul 7, 2008 at 10:54 am rating: 90
#31
senor coconut
Hmmm…actually, as a restaurant manager who has had to fire three people for excessive cell phone usage, one person for informing me the day after the schedule came out that he had a court date, one person for taking 2-3 ten to fifteen minute smoke breaks AND was underaged, one for oversleeping and blaming his mom for not waking him up, and 0ne person who refused to speak to customers unless she thought they might tip her and even then she had the worst attitude, I would post the same damned thing now that I am hiring more reasons to come to work drunk.
Mind you, these people were doing the same things over and over, so it wasn’t like I was all, “Oh, you’re late. You’re fired.”
Jul 7, 2008 at 4:17 pm rating: 90
#32
Total Douche
You’d be surprised how many shiftless, loser, drug addicted, low-life convicts (ex and otherwise) with zero sense of responsibility work in a pizza place. I can sympathize with Cardo, where I work, it happens ALL the time. His note is actually quite typical of what goes on at just about every restaurant in the US.
Team Show up, put the Cigarette out and the Phone down, shut the fuck up and do your job.
Cardo’s pizza is Fucking Delicious!!!
Jul 7, 2008 at 5:13 pm rating: 90
#33
SomeGuyWhoNeverComments
deleted – posted to the wrong place, sorry.
Jul 7, 2008 at 6:13 pm rating: 90
#34
Mishee
Ummm… this pizza place has a drive thru… WTF… why can’t I have a pizza place with a drive thru?? Or a drive thru margarita place like I heard about in the south??
All we have is drive thru starbucks… who fucking cares for that shit!?
Jul 7, 2008 at 8:21 pm rating: 90
#35
secondsout
Doesn’t anybody else hate that person who talks and works at the same time? Like the mental case who mutters things just loud enough for you to hear them. Or the asshole who stands in your cubicle while you’re trying to get some work done?
Jul 7, 2008 at 8:28 pm rating: 90
#36
amazon
Wait, pizza places don’t serve breakfast, right? How has he had a problem with employees oversleeping? How late are these people sleeping in?? I’m jealous!
Jul 7, 2008 at 8:54 pm rating: 90
#37
Mishee
I am considering emailing [email protected] and letting him tell his story about the note… anyone else think that’s a good idea?
300th post and 100th post within 15 minutes of each other… I rock!
Jul 7, 2008 at 9:02 pm rating: 90
#38
bellabeastie
Gotcher back. Go for it.
And tell him he’s a suckass tightwad dirtball discriminatory freak from me.
THX BELLA
Jul 7, 2008 at 10:15 pm rating: 90
#39
Kate
The way the idiot wrote this, it says “Please do not apply if you… must be able to talk and work at the same time.” Sounds like this store owner needs some “expirience” in writing.
Jul 9, 2008 at 11:13 am rating: 90
#40
Subordinate Claws
The manager’s “expirience” has brought him/her tenure. He/she shall ever be a manager of a pizza joint. Guaranteed in “writing.”
Jul 10, 2008 at 12:19 am rating: 90
#41
Mel
Holy Cow!!! That’s definitely from my hometown! Best birthday present so far today. =P
Jul 11, 2008 at 1:03 am rating: 90
#42
Penny Lane
I think this is so amazing.
Jul 11, 2008 at 11:23 am rating: 90
#43
Wheresmydamnanswer
And he thinks applicants will flock to him – WHY??
Jul 12, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 90
#44
alison shepherd
I take it his present or perhaps past employees are just not working out.. Well if that was my ad to make it short I would put .. If you have an excuse don’t bother to apply
Jul 16, 2008 at 12:00 pm rating: 90
#45
Grey
Is that the kid from Bad Santa in the reflection?
Aug 21, 2008 at 4:13 pm rating: 90
#46
s anatomy
No, it’s a ghost.
Sep 22, 2009 at 8:48 pm rating: 90
#47 Yes, Fayette broke the copier. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Graham, this means you [...]
Jul 6, 2010 at 10:51 pm rating: 90
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