the most irritating part of finding this note propped on her keyboard, says jackie in philly, is that she wasn’t the person who requested dark chocolate in the office vending machine. “in fact, i can’t stand the stuff!” (in that case…hello, shower gift?)
related: bun — er, — pizza in the oven
EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!








212 responses so far ↓
#1 zombieBlanco

Hi! My name is zombieBlanco, and I’m a chocoholic. Not long ago I would do anything to get a ‘fix’. I’m embarrassed to admit that I would run over little old ladies to get to a hershey bar. One time I even used the pregnant woman at my office as a cover to ream another employee about chocolate she ordered for the vending machine.
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:23 pm rating: +22 
#2 Canthz_B

Don’t they allow pregnant people inside of candy stores in Philly?
It may be the City of Brotherly love, but they sure dis a Sista!
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:25 pm rating: +1 
#3 Mandy
Because chocolate takes up that much space? Or are they buying Costco size boxes of the stuff?
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:26 pm rating: 0 
#4 Lane J
Umm…I might be totally off here, but don’t all gas stations sell chocolate? Buy your daily fix on your way to work in the morning!
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:30 pm rating: +5 
#5 TiredofIt
I couldn’t live someone who thought dark chocolate wasn’t the food of the gods.
Move out!
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:32 pm rating: +10 
#6 Quite Contrary
They call out the offender (that’s you, Jackie), AND the “pregnant person’s” gender remains protected. Huzzah!
And the note is on a napkin! Double huzzah!
PS Points deleted since the note was not on a cocktail napkin.
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: +16 
#7 Only eat the GOOD chocolate
Geez, Miss Smiley Face (I just HATE smiley face signatures, don’t you?) don’t you know that dark chocolate IS the good chocolate, and if either you are (or are best friends with) the pregnant chick, for chrissakes give that baby some nutrition with her chocolate!
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:38 pm rating: +18 
#8 Canthz_B

Any true chocolate craver (pregnant or not) keeps a supply handy and would never be left to the tender mercies of a vending machine.
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:42 pm rating: +29 
#9 secondsout

Maybe once the person is done wolfing down the candy bar, she can wipe her face with the note. Many of the notes deserve wiping one’s face or ass on them, but this one really makes it happen.
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:46 pm rating: +6 
#10 secondsout

Jackie should feed the dark chocolate to the PAN writer’s dog.
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:49 pm rating: +5 
#11 secondsout

Does the vending machine dispense ice cream and pickles, too?
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:57 pm rating: +14 
#12 SomeGuyWhoNeverComments

Wow, this office is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, in a crispy taco shell.
First, if our note writer thinks Jackie likes the black cock, and requested some, why is she so shy that she has to use euphemisms? Second, is this where the pregnant man works? Third, if there is a horny pregnant person at the office that “needs” cock, why does the cage, which people apparently think Jackie keeps for the blacks she purportedly called for, prevent the pregnant person from keeping their supply of man-meat in the office? Fourth, does the black cock really taste that much different from mine? I thought chocolate v. vanilla was a matter of opinion. Finally, is sexual slavery really something to be smiling about?
Oh, and have the paper supplies at this office reached such a crisis point that they are reduced to using paper towels, or does our note writer just work as the bathroom attendant?
An investigation needs to be launched regarding these issues – immediately!
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:57 pm rating: +18 
#13 Canthz_B

You made the vender put dark chocolate in there.
Thought only of yourself, girl that just wasn’t fair.
You’ve had it your way,
Now it’s reckoning day so Eat it!
Eat it, eat it, eat it.
Eat it! Eat it!
‘Cause the pregnant girl feels cheated.
You’re taking up space,
Girl, she’ll razor your face so eat it!
Eat it, eat it, eat it!
Jul 8, 2008 at 11:15 pm rating: +19 
#14 wright
As my sister once said: “Chocolate: the other dark meat.”
Perhaps Jackie could leave a coil of her “special” chocolate on the PAN author’s desk and blame it on the latter’s dog…
Jul 8, 2008 at 11:25 pm rating: +2 
#15 Martin Heidegger
Jesus, this is pregnant passive-aggressiveness if I’ve ever seen it.
Yes ladies, I know that gestation can be a difficult thing for you, and that you also find it very beautiful. In some senses, it is. But… and this is a big but… the fact that you are pregnant does not give you license to bitch at everyone who isn’t carrying a lovely little being inside them.
I suppose that this is passive-aggressive too. It may well be, and for that I guess I apologize. But if I become pregnant — yeah, another pregnant man, and I am seriously able to do that — then you’re not going to see me bitching about the dark chocolate. Honestly. Hormones are powerful, but estrogen (and testosterone) don’t flip the bitch switch.
Jul 8, 2008 at 11:44 pm rating: +21