garçon à la pipe?

July 13th, 2008 · 140 comments

this masterpiece is a gift from the collection of zedral (morgantown, west virginia, 2008). the original installation also includes a trail of small arrows pointing customers toward the register, along with multiple post-it reiterations along the way.

garçon à la pipe?

related: ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

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FILED UNDER: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · retail hell

140 responses so far ↓

  • #1  Delurker

    Perhaps you should change your name, eh, Rover?

    Jul 13, 2008 at 10:33 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #2  cassandra

    Is she foaming at the mouth?

    Jul 13, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: +2  

    • #2.1  Nate

      That’s not foam….

      Jul 13, 2008 at 10:39 pm   rating: +14  

       
    • #2.2  Southern Girl

      right, it’s not foam, she’s just happy to see you.

      Jul 13, 2008 at 10:46 pm   rating: +7  

       
    • #2.3  secondsout

      I actually think that’s the tape that is holding the sign down. Sure looks like someone jizzed on her chin, though.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 3:48 am   rating: +8  

       
    • #2.4  bellabeastie

      It’s Burma Shave !!

      Jul 14, 2008 at 8:03 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #2.5  Shane

      It was Burma Shane… :-o I got a little excited waitin’ for my pipe..

      Jul 15, 2008 at 12:04 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #3  Southern Girl

    Depending on what kind of pipe it is, ppl get antsy waiting in line. They want it NOW! Especially if it’s the Super Blunt behind her shoulder….

    Jul 13, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: +1  

    • #3.1  Abe Froman

      Super Blunts aren’t technically pipes, they are wraps. So , I guess you can actually whistle and yell out ” Yo Bitch, let me get a wrap!” from across the store.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:16 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #4  Canthz_B

    If I don’t want God’s love can I just say “Here Girl” or “Here Boy”?

    Jul 13, 2008 at 10:51 pm   rating: +17  

    • #4.1  secondsout

      I bet the dude behind the counter would be really mad if you tried to have him fixed.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 3:50 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #4.2  Bunnee

      But it is OK to hog-call?

      Jul 14, 2008 at 6:41 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #5  Canthz_B

    Hmm, They’re selling pipes in WV now? Must have been a poor corn harvest.

    Jul 13, 2008 at 11:00 pm   rating: +16  

     
  • #6  SomeGuyWhoNeverComments

    Please suck, as in put my penis in your mouth and lick, my dick while I steal, as in take without paying for at the register, a pipe.

    Jul 13, 2008 at 11:00 pm   rating: +15  

    • #6.1  SquirrelBrains

      That is a strange way of describing fellatio. I think more is involved.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 11:55 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #6.2  SomeGuyWhoNeverComments

      I’m sure the fact you have experience giving blowjobs means you’d know exactly what is involved a lot better than I would.

      Jul 15, 2008 at 1:46 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #6.3  KittyKat

      You say you have no experience? Hmmm, I thought BOTH participants in a blowjob got to experience it, but maybe I’m wrong.

      Jul 15, 2008 at 9:33 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.4  SomeGuyWhoNeverComments

      KittyKat - reading comprehension FAIL. I said “. . . experience giving blowjobs . . .” Clearly implying that since I have never given a blowjob, I would be less qualified to explain what is involved. Try and keep up, honey.

      Jul 15, 2008 at 11:46 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #6.5  SquirrelBrains

      I have no problem admitting that when it comes to a good blow, no one can top me.

      Jul 15, 2008 at 6:25 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #6.6  I love you

      Will you marry me, SquirrelBrains?????

      Jul 17, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #7  Canthz_B

    The first part of this sign could work in a church.

    For the love of God please go and get in line at the register.

    No need to sit through a sermon or anything. Just go to the register, pay up and go home.

    Jul 13, 2008 at 11:06 pm   rating: +23  

    • #7.1  claw71

      Do I still get to eat Jesus and drink his blood?

      Jul 14, 2008 at 9:21 am   rating: +12  

       
    • #7.2  Canthz_B

      Only if you use a credit card. ;-)

      Jul 14, 2008 at 6:53 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #7.3  bellabeastie

      Only if you don’t whistle, clap, or snap your fingers or mumble “Hey You”. Then and only then can you eat Jesus and drink His blood.

      And get a pipe.

      We have Rules here.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #8  Troy McClure

    If you just whistle or clap
    Or arrogantly wait there and snap
    Your finger (just one?
    sounds painful), undone
    Will your pipe sale remain, lazy sap.

    If you want pipes then you should
    Not do anything that you would
    If we were canine.
    Instead get in line
    At the register. Is that understood?

    Jul 13, 2008 at 11:11 pm   rating: +19  

     
  • #9  snee

    i’m guessing they don’t have a “ring if you need service” bell.

    just a hunch.

    Jul 13, 2008 at 11:13 pm   rating: +2  

    • #9.1  Quite Contrary

      Service? You think they have service?

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:15 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #9.2  SquirrelBrains

      Ring the customer in front of you if you want service.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 11:56 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #10  zombieBlanco

    Snap your finger?
    Probably hard to load that bowl with just a single digit.

    Jul 13, 2008 at 11:22 pm   rating: +16  

    • #10.1  Mishee

      A dedicated smoker has many talents. You should’ve seen Mr. Mishee roll a fat joint with one hand when he had a broken arm!

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:46 am   rating: +5  

       
    • #10.2  zombieBlanco

      But can he roll a pinner with two broken arms?

      Jul 14, 2008 at 1:15 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #10.3  TuesdayPillow

      Yeah, I find it hard to believe that people are snapping a finger in half just to get a pipe. These counter people sure are melodramatic.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 5:38 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #10.4  Canthz_B

      I find it hard to believe that people have resorted to performing musical numbers just to get a pipe.

      Now “Little Brown Jug” is stuck in my head! :-)

      Jul 14, 2008 at 6:58 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #11  RALPHY

    Geez-I’m looking at the girls mouth and wondering if they really do that to dogs. I guess only in W.V.

    Jul 13, 2008 at 11:23 pm   rating: 0  

    • #11.1  bellabeastie

      Sometimes you are a complete Asspanda Without a Clue.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 8:06 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #11.2  bellabeastie

      A.W.O.A.C. = RALPHY

      Jul 14, 2008 at 9:08 pm   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #12  Canthz_B

    “Hey Cletus, snap yer finger ‘n brush yer tooth.”

    Jul 13, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: +11  

     
  • #13  Quite Contrary

    And if you don’t love God, what are you supposed to do to get their attention?

    Jul 14, 2008 at 12:17 am   rating: +5  

    • #13.1  bellabeastie

      Duh — wait at the register until it’s time to serve the heathens.

      Could be a while…

      p.s. no mumbling

      Jul 14, 2008 at 7:42 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #13.2  Quite Contrary

      Can I whistle?

      Jul 15, 2008 at 10:01 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #14  Mishee

    Where is this store?

    Must. Go.

    Hey, I need a new pipe anyways…

    I sure as hell don’t want to see the requisite “Call it a Water Pipe, Not a Bong Or We Will Act Like We Don’t Know What You’re Talking About” sign…

    Believe me, they exist. And now that I think of it, I must go to my local headshop to get a picture.

    Jul 14, 2008 at 12:45 am   rating: +4  

    • #14.1  claw71

      Every head shop in Columbus has signs warning you that any reference to illegal drugs or illegal smoking hardware will result in your immediate dismissal from the store.

      That makes it really hard to ask important questions like how difficult it is to scrape resin out of the pipe to get that desperation hit when you’re 12 hours from getting paid.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 8:50 am   rating: +13  

       
    • #14.2  Mishee

      claw - I love you and your vast knowledge of everything from cast iron cookware to scraping resin.

      We could make such the power couple! :D

      Jul 14, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #14.3  Nathan

      Cast Iron?

      Is Claw Amish?

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:03 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #14.4  claw71

      Power couple? Based on what I’ve been able to gather from your comments and knowing what I do of myself I don’t know what we’d have power over…perhaps together we’d aspire to rule over the trailer park lot renters association?

      And yes, Nathan, I am Amish…and if you don’t watch your step I’ll churn your wife’s butter. You know what they say about us, don’t you?

      Once you go dutch, you’ll be sweating much.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:14 pm   rating: +10  

       
    • #14.5  Mishee

      you read my mind, my love! :D

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:18 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #14.6  Mark

      ‘Tis a fine barn, but surely ’tis no pool, English…

      (Claw, I loves me some cast iron too)

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:19 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #14.7  Mishee

      At least he isn’t a shiftless Mennonite!!

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:32 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #14.8  grumpygranolagirl

      Oh… we gonna raise that barn tonight.
      Oh… down beside that lantern light.
      Oh… we gonna raise that barn tonight.
      Black bonnet girls you make the Amish world go ’round!

      Hey Greta! Show us some ankle!

      (Many apologies to the Electric Amish http://www.electricamish.com)

      Jul 14, 2008 at 2:51 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #14.9  Mark

      Stolen wholesale from Weird Al (with apologies to Coolio):

      As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
      I take a look at my wife and realize shes very plain
      But thats just perfect for an amish like me
      You know I shun fancy things like electricity
      At 4:30 in the morning Im milkin cows
      Jebediah feeds the chickens and jacob plows… fool
      And Ive been milkin and plowin so long that
      Even ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
      Im a man of the land, Im into discipline
      Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
      But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
      Then tonight were gonna party like its 1699

      We been spending most our lives
      Living in an amish paradise
      Ive churned butter once or twice
      Living in an amish paradise
      Its hard work and sacrifice
      Living in an amish paradise
      We sell quilts at a discount price
      Living in an amish paradise

      A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
      I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
      I really dont care, in fact I wish him well
      cause Ill be laughing my head off when hes burning in hell
      But I aint never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
      An amish with a tude?
      You know thats unheard of
      I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
      And my homies agree
      I really look good in black… fool
      If you come to visit, youll be bored to tears
      We havent even paid the phone bill in 300 years
      But we aint really quaint, so please dont point and stare
      Were just technologically impaired

      Theres no phone, no lights, no motorcar
      Not a single luxury
      Like robinson caruso
      Its as primitive as can be

      We been spending most our lives
      Living in an amish paradise
      Were just plain and simple guys
      Living in an amish paradise
      Theres no time for sin and vice
      Living in an amish paradise
      We dont fight, we all play nice
      Living in an amish paradise

      Hitchin up the buggy, churnin lots of butter
      Raised a barn on monday, soon Ill raise anutter
      Think youre really righteous?
      Think youre pure in heart?
      Well, I know Im a million time as humble as thou art
      Im the pious guy the little amlettes wanna be like
      On my knees day and night scorin points for the afterlife
      So dont be vain and dont be whiny
      Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

      We been spending most our lives
      Living in an amish paradise
      Were all crazy mennonites
      Living in an amish paradise
      Theres no cops or traffic lights
      Living in an amish paradise
      But youd probably think it bites
      Living in an amish paradise

      Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
      Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch!

      Jul 14, 2008 at 3:22 pm   rating: +8  

       
    • #14.10  bellabeastie

      That is effin’ fantastic…. I think “medieval on your heinie” is my favorite.

      Yo - gonna partay like it’s 1699! … el-oh-el
      :)

      Jul 14, 2008 at 7:06 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #15  Kate

    I actually went to college in Morgantown, WV and have been in this store a million times. It is FULL of passive aggressive notes, part of its charm I guess.

    Jul 14, 2008 at 3:23 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #16  Jsmoke

    What kind of head shop is this? We wouldn’t put up with this PA sign crap in Santa Cruz. The “holier than thou” stoners will just ignore your ass until you leave. The only sign you’ll see is “Free Mumia” .

    Jul 14, 2008 at 3:37 am   rating: 0  

    • #16.1  pistola

      Santa cruz= worst locals ever. I love sc but the locals ruin it nine times out of ten.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:22 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #16.2  Quite Contrary

      I’m related to some of the Santa Cruz locals. Why do you think I live in Southern California?

      Jul 14, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #16.3  Mishee

      QC - Oh yeah, those SoCal locals are just sooooooo wonderful too!

      I love S’Cruz… the locals are colorful and fun to laugh at while you smoke your joint on the beach…

      Jul 14, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #16.4  Quite Contrary

      But I’m not related to them, thank god.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 4:57 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #16.5  Captain OCD

      Sweet! Where I can I get me some Mumia for free?

      Jul 14, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #17  secondsout

    If you need our, like, help, you can, like, find us at the cash register eating Doritos and stuff. It’s, like, fuckin’ awesome you’re looking for a pipe, you know. Yeah…

    Jul 14, 2008 at 3:47 am   rating: +9  

     
  • #18  jess

    i love the den. they have the best signs/notes ever.

    Jul 14, 2008 at 5:33 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #19  grumpygranolagirl

    You have to take a number to get the Chore Boy.

    Jul 14, 2008 at 7:05 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #20  Nicolas

    Since “Pipe” is a word for Blowjob in France that’s funny :p

    Jul 14, 2008 at 7:18 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #21  P'chick

    Wait… so this is NOT a hardware store??

    Jul 14, 2008 at 7:55 am   rating: +4  

     
  • #22  agirlie

    Is that an Atticus poster in the background?

    Jul 14, 2008 at 7:58 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #23  Lurker

    I ‘ve spent about six weeks in West Virginia visiting friends, and it is indeed difficult to have any conversation without God being invoked in some manner or other.

    Jul 14, 2008 at 8:38 am   rating: +2  

    • #23.1  claw71

      Did you spend six weeks in West Virginia one weekend?

      Jul 14, 2008 at 9:20 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #23.2  bellabeastie

      I drove through West Virginia once.

      And once was enough. urrgh.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 7:19 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #23.3  Bunnee

      I, too, drove through W.V. once, and all of the rolling hills with shacks built into them gave me motion sickness. Or some other kind of sickness, I’m not sure…

      Jul 15, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #24  xindi

    Snap ya fingers! Ask for help!
    You can do it all by yo self!
    Let me see you do it!

    Jul 14, 2008 at 8:38 am   rating: +9  

    • #24.1  claw71

      WHAT?!?

      YEAH!!!!!!!

      OKAY!!!

      Jul 14, 2008 at 8:41 am   rating: +6  

       
     
  • #25  claw71

    Knowing what I do about Morgantown, home of West Virginia University…the only university with an accredited Masters of Couch burning program, I have to admit that I would be tempted to post a similar sign. True, it would be more direct but I would ultimately resist that temptation because I would realize that this is a head shop in the dumbest part of one of the dumbest states in the Union. Even if the patrons can read, they won’t bother.

    Do you suppose if Harold and Kumar had been from Morgantown they would have been jonesing for Tudor’s Biscuit World rather than White Castle?

    Jul 14, 2008 at 8:39 am   rating: +9  

    • #25.1  jess

      the den isn’t a head shop.

      Jul 14, 2008 at 3:46 pm   rating: 0