this masterpiece is a gift from the collection of zedral (morgantown, west virginia, 2008). the original installation also includes a trail of small arrows pointing customers toward the register, along with multiple post-it reiterations along the way.
related: ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif
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FILED UNDER: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · morgantown · retail hell
— Kris
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143 responses so far ↓
#1
Delurker
Perhaps you should change your name, eh, Rover?
Jul 13, 2008 at 10:33 pm rating: +3
#2
cassandra
Is she foaming at the mouth?
Jul 13, 2008 at 10:34 pm rating: +2
#3
Southern Girl
Depending on what kind of pipe it is, ppl get antsy waiting in line. They want it NOW! Especially if it’s the Super Blunt behind her shoulder….
Jul 13, 2008 at 10:45 pm rating: +1
#4
Canthz_B
If I don’t want God’s love can I just say “Here Girl” or “Here Boy”?
Jul 13, 2008 at 10:51 pm rating: +18
#5
Canthz_B
Hmm, They’re selling pipes in WV now? Must have been a poor corn harvest.
Jul 13, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: +16
#6
SomeGuyWhoNeverComments
Please suck, as in put my penis in your mouth and lick, my dick while I steal, as in take without paying for at the register, a pipe.
Jul 13, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: +15
#7
Canthz_B
The first part of this sign could work in a church.
For the love of God please go and get in line at the register.
No need to sit through a sermon or anything. Just go to the register, pay up and go home.
Jul 13, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: +23
#8
Troy McClure
If you just whistle or clap
Or arrogantly wait there and snap
Your finger (just one?
sounds painful), undone
Will your pipe sale remain, lazy sap.
If you want pipes then you should
Not do anything that you would
If we were canine.
Instead get in line
At the register. Is that understood?
Jul 13, 2008 at 11:11 pm rating: +19
#9
snee
i’m guessing they don’t have a “ring if you need service” bell.
just a hunch.
Jul 13, 2008 at 11:13 pm rating: +2
#10
zombieBlanco
Snap your finger?
Probably hard to load that bowl with just a single digit.
Jul 13, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: +16
#11
RALPHY
Geez-I’m looking at the girls mouth and wondering if they really do that to dogs. I guess only in W.V.
Jul 13, 2008 at 11:23 pm rating: 0
#12
Canthz_B
“Hey Cletus, snap yer finger ‘n brush yer tooth.”
Jul 13, 2008 at 11:29 pm rating: +12
#13
Quite Contrary
And if you don’t love God, what are you supposed to do to get their attention?
Jul 14, 2008 at 12:17 am rating: +6
#14
Mishee
Where is this store?
Must. Go.
Hey, I need a new pipe anyways…
I sure as hell don’t want to see the requisite “Call it a Water Pipe, Not a Bong Or We Will Act Like We Don’t Know What You’re Talking About” sign…
Believe me, they exist. And now that I think of it, I must go to my local headshop to get a picture.
Jul 14, 2008 at 12:45 am rating: +4
#15
Kate
I actually went to college in Morgantown, WV and have been in this store a million times. It is FULL of passive aggressive notes, part of its charm I guess.
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:23 am rating: +2
#16
Jsmoke
What kind of head shop is this? We wouldn’t put up with this PA sign crap in Santa Cruz. The “holier than thou” stoners will just ignore your ass until you leave. The only sign you’ll see is “Free Mumia” .
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:37 am rating: 0
#17
secondsout
If you need our, like, help, you can, like, find us at the cash register eating Doritos and stuff. It’s, like, fuckin’ awesome you’re looking for a pipe, you know. Yeah…
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:47 am rating: +9
#18
jess
i love the den. they have the best signs/notes ever.
Jul 14, 2008 at 5:33 am rating: 0
#19
grumpygranolagirl
You have to take a number to get the Chore Boy.
Jul 14, 2008 at 7:05 am rating: 0
#20
Nicolas
Since “Pipe” is a word for Blowjob in France that’s funny :p
Jul 14, 2008 at 7:18 am rating: +2
#21
P'chick
Wait… so this is NOT a hardware store??
Jul 14, 2008 at 7:55 am rating: +4
#22
agirlie
Is that an Atticus poster in the background?
Jul 14, 2008 at 7:58 am rating: 0
#23
Lurker
I ‘ve spent about six weeks in West Virginia visiting friends, and it is indeed difficult to have any conversation without God being invoked in some manner or other.
Jul 14, 2008 at 8:38 am rating: +2
#24
xindi
Snap ya fingers! Ask for help!
You can do it all by yo self!
Let me see you do it!
Jul 14, 2008 at 8:38 am rating: +9
#25
claw71
Knowing what I do about Morgantown, home of West Virginia University…the only university with an accredited Masters of Couch burning program, I have to admit that I would be tempted to post a similar sign. True, it would be more direct but I would ultimately resist that temptation because I would realize that this is a head shop in the dumbest part of one of the dumbest states in the Union. Even if the patrons can read, they won’t bother.
Do you suppose if Harold and Kumar had been from Morgantown they would have been jonesing for Tudor’s Biscuit World rather than White Castle?
Jul 14, 2008 at 8:39 am rating: +9
#26
claw71
For some reason I can’t get the image of Kramer trying get Joe Dimaggio’s attention out of my head.
Jul 14, 2008 at 8:43 am rating: +4
#27
GhostWriter
The cardboard cut-out was getting hit on (e.g., whistles, finger snaps, “hey you’s”) more than the hippychick behind the counter.
It don’t take much to excite them Wess Virginny Cleti.*
(plural for Cletus)
Jul 14, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: +16
#28
KittyKat
LOL, I snap my fingers at my kids all the time!
Jul 14, 2008 at 2:00 pm rating: 0
#29
Summer
Go=Get in line? Do they speak a different language down there?
Jul 14, 2008 at 2:13 pm rating: +2
#30
Summer
PIPE NAZI!!!
Jul 14, 2008 at 2:14 pm rating: +2
#31
Punky Punkster
Clerk 1: “Here he comes again!
Clerk 2: “Do you think he’s gonna try to talk to her?”
Clerk 1: “Absolutely! He does it every day, just after 4:20.”
BuzzDude: “Yo, …yo (clik-clik) How mush fah da pipes?”
Clerk 2: “This is embarrassing! Doesn’t he realize she’s cardboard?”
BuzzDude: “Hey you! (whistle) How mush??”
Clerk 1: “It’s like a real-life Cheech & Chong movie!”
BuzzDude: “(clap-clap) Ya lookin at me, didya hear me? The Pipes!”
Clerk 2: “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN! Come Down To The Register!!”
Buzzdude: “Waah?? Iss OK, Ah’m bein’ helped…”
Jul 14, 2008 at 2:15 pm rating: +29
#32
xindi
that pipe was flippin delicious
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:27 pm rating: 0
#33
Official Announcement
If you need a crack pipe, do not snap your fingers!
See Casey in Human Resources.
Thx,
Sandra
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:56 pm rating: +10
#34
Amber
OH SHIT! don’t harsh their mellow by making sudden, loud noises. smokers’ code!
what’s next…histrionic crack heads?
Jul 14, 2008 at 5:33 pm rating: +1
#35
SchrodingersDuck
Apparently, some people are so desperate for a pipe in Morgantown, that rather than wait 2 minutes in a line, they will snap their finger and use that to smoke with instead.
Jul 14, 2008 at 6:38 pm rating: +1
#36
Canthz_B
This sign would have been so much better as a comic thought bubble above the cardboard display woman.
Jul 14, 2008 at 6:50 pm rating: +6
#37
aaa
Well of course they’re gonna need PA signs and trails of arrows. It’s a West Virginia head shop!
BTW, evidently West Virginia has the largest white supremacist compound in the country. And considering what I’ve seen in my short drive through WV on the way to Virginia years back, I’m not surprised.
Jul 14, 2008 at 7:33 pm rating: +2
#38
Canthz_B
back edit
Jul 14, 2008 at 11:13 pm rating: 0
#39
Canthz_B
“Come and get us at the cash register”?
Sounds like they know this sign warrants a smack-down!
Jul 15, 2008 at 1:34 am rating: +3
#40
bellabeastie
A Cage Match . BwaaaaaAaarrghhh – snap
(Performance Enhancement) … drugs.. whaaa)?? Never.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:32 am rating: 0
#41
tropicalwave
Wait, wait!! Head shop? Pipe (slang for BJ)? something on the chin of the cut out? And they want you to go to the register for the love of god (I usually yell out Oh god or my own name)? Must be a loooooong line then!
Jul 15, 2008 at 5:35 am rating: 0
#42
Uh Huh
Wow, all of these tired, cheap shot West Virginia jokes and not a single banjo or moonshine reference? You disappoint me, Passive Aggressive Notes Community, you disappoint me.
Jul 15, 2008 at 8:47 am rating: 0
#43
WSPilgrim
ALL GOOD music festival was in Morgantown, WV this weekend…hence the run on pipes…and the ill behaved customers
Jul 15, 2008 at 8:59 am rating: 0
#44
Timo
What about cowbell? Whistle and clap no, cowbell yes?
Down on the corner out in the street. Willy and the Po’ boys …
Jul 15, 2008 at 9:56 am rating: 0
#45
Secretly Passive Aggresive
This doesn’t have anything to do with this particular thead, but I saw this photo and thought of PAN. You either need to link to this or post it somewhere here.
http://www.photobasement.com/tom-was-delicious/
Jul 15, 2008 at 9:56 am rating: +1
#46
Johnboy
“MaryEllen you got a money shot on your chin!”
Jul 15, 2008 at 10:01 am rating: +1
#47
gambrinus
I found myself wondering whether your typical head shop employee or seattle barista was more likely to be rude and apathetic to their customers. Then I realized that the rude baristas are probably the head shop customers and it got way too meta and confused me.
Jul 15, 2008 at 1:19 pm rating: 0
#48
misterpain
My local hardware shop usually has a couple of customers mooching around aisle 3 mumbling about the things they would do to a dog. Reminds me of the library.
Jul 15, 2008 at 11:14 pm rating: 0
#49
pixieStick
I actually am lost in that sentence about please go as in get in line. Where are you going from??? I’m confused.
But I get the feeling that Morris Day or Eddie Murphy frequents this place, sweeping in with a small entourage and wearing a fur-lined leather coat. They just stand there and snap, “Yo bitch, run over here and get me my pipe…where my pipe?!? And where my bitches at too?!?’
Jul 16, 2008 at 6:01 am rating: +2
#50
Anonymous
This sign isn’t in a head shop, it’s a convenience store that happens to sell pipes as well. Seeing as how it services a very high number of WVU students, the people working the register are dealing with customers paying for their beer/munchies/whatever.
Standing by the cases the pipes are in isn’t a sure-fire way to get someone working there to come and help you, so they’re asking people to wait in line for help getting a pipe from out of the cases. Is it really that fucking hard to understand?
God, you people who insult West Virginia and say we’re the stupid ones need to pull your heads out of your asses. Do you know how many people I’ve told that I am from West Virginia, only to have them assume I mean the western part of the state of Virginia? Learn some fucking geography about the country you live in, hypocrites.
Jul 18, 2008 at 3:08 pm rating: +1
#51
Jessi (aka Hag the Invincible)
OMG, the Den!!! No, seriously, the cranky signs are part of what makes it fun to shop there. The actual employees are really nice.
Jul 19, 2008 at 10:25 pm rating: +2
#52
WV resident
Hey! It’s the Den!!!!!!!
Aug 5, 2008 at 11:10 am rating: 0
#53
Time Tracker
c’est ne pas une pipe
Sep 11, 2008 at 1:47 am rating: +1
#54
Shannon
Hey, I live in Morgantown! That’s the Den and they have WAAAY funnier passive aggressive notes in there. This just happens to be the largest. LOVE IT!
Oct 21, 2008 at 9:55 pm rating: 0
#55
ash from WV
I knew that place looked familiar! The Den! Awesome, we ended up on passive-aggressive. =D
Oct 28, 2008 at 1:35 am rating: 0
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