our anonymous submitter in california — pleading innocence — says she was singled-out with this note in a barn that houses 60 other horses and their hay.
this note’s lack of obvious sitcom-ish puns — with the exception of “breeding good vibes” — makes me think that maybe i’ve been doing this too long…or perhaps that i haven’t been giving horses enough credit. (commenters, consider that a challenge.)
related: four legs good, two legs bad
extra credit: fourteen passive-aggressive appetizers [thenewyorker.com]
135 responses so far ↓
#1
Beth
Points off for no smiley faces or have a nice day. The threat to go to management is uncreative at best. Throwing in karma gets an extra 0.5 bonus.
I give it 7.5.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:14 pm rating: +5
#2
Almost Mishee
Two to show on Bad Vibes.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:14 pm rating: +4
#3
Mishee
Hey! Filcher! Leave that hay alone!
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:15 pm rating: +24
#4
Mishee
Somebody might want to show the note writer the way to the comma key.
(on a side note, WHO the fuck is “Almost Mishee”?? Don’t hate me cause you ain’t me!!)
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:17 pm rating: +4
#5
Not Nearly Mishee
I (the fuck) am A.M. Sorry, Mishee, I filled in this name at a time when Being Mishee was in high demand. I was not Not Mishee, though. Sorry. I will change my name. I will change it now. Goodbye and sorry, thanks Terry.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: +1
#6
secondsout
Ahh, California. In the south, the horse owners wouldn’t talk about bad karma and breeding bad vibes; there would be vague threats to hang the person who is stealing hay. In California, however…
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: +9
#7
Jill
Can’t see the image.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:26 pm rating: +1
#8
secondsout
If dude keeps careful track of his hay, maybe he could do an analysis of the local horse’s road apples to see if he can find which horse has been ingesting his oh-so-precious special hay.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:27 pm rating: +6
#9
TC
The New Yorker article is perfect. Almost makes me want to go to culinary school… if I only weren’t so apathetic and self-loathing.
I fucking hate Cheryl too. Vegetarians are always so self-righteous.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:28 pm rating: +3
#10
claw71
I’d like to put $50 on Bad Karma to win, $100 on Bad Vibes to place and…who’s the “7″ horse?Is that Management? I’ll take it to show.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:29 pm rating: +24
#11
Amy
I’m gonna steal your moms hay.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:30 pm rating: +2
#12
amy d
“What goes around, comes around.”
Submitter is (and by implication, has been) frequently out of hay. Now, hay is missing from “a lot of people”, especially the note-writer.
I believe he/she has just implicated himself.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm rating: +3
#13
Haynonymous
Hmmm, if there is a problem with hay theft, wouldn’t the person running out of the stuff be the least likely suspect? If there was a thief it would be a person who does not run out of hay.
Just sayin…
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:36 pm rating: +18
#14
claw71
What sort of “hay” is this anyway? Seems like people are feeling awfully groovy in this stable.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:39 pm rating: +2
#15
Quite Contrary
Dear Thanks:
It has come to my attention that you frequently jump to conclusions. And there seems to be conclusions missing from a lot of people. My conclusions in particular seem to be going really fast. I keep very careful track of my conclusions and there are people who are watching my conclusions as well.
I do realize it is difficult to obtain facts and proof. And we all do what we can for the welfare of others. But jumping to conclusions is not the answer. I really hope you find another way to deal with your situation. If this continues I will be forced to go to management.
We all are here for the horses and there fore must get along, and by jumping to conclusions you are breeding bad vibes. Also, if you continue to jump to conclusions that is bad karma for you. What goes around comes around.
Try to remember that the next time you jump to conclusions.
Hello There.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: +105
#16
amy d
This note was obviously written by a scarecrow.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:41 pm rating: +19
#17
claw71
You know, I just can’t resist a little CCR for this one:
HAY, tonight…
don’t steal my hay tonight
I’ve got people spying
tonight
Hay, come on
it’s not something to borrow
tonight, tonight
Gonna hide up in the rafters
watching down
You need to get religion
burn in hell
Hay come on
I’ll have to buy a gun
tonight, tonight
Hay tonight
don’t steal hay tonight
Don’t even try your lying
tonight, tonight.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:46 pm rating: +9
#18
claw71
Won’t somebody please think of the horses?
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:47 pm rating: +16
#19
Joe
Maybe it’s not theft; maybe it’s just your run-of-the-mill abiogenesis. The hay is just turning into mice.
- Aristotle
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: +17
#20
Mishee is a fat pig who eats boogers and smokes cheap weed
Horses aren’t as hung as you’d think.
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:51 pm rating: +4
#21
Fresca
What kind of passive-aggressive appetizers can one make with hay, I wonder?
Jul 15, 2008 at 2:53 pm rating: +1
#22
amy d
I should have gigglebraxed this to 21, sorry.
Anyway, Fresca, how about hay fever?
Jul 15, 2008 at 3:00 pm rating: 0
#23
Canthz_B
I’m loaded with bad vibes.
I wonder what I could charge a breeder in stud fees.
Jul 15, 2008 at 3:02 pm rating: +7