writes an anonymous federal employee in colorado: “this morning we were reminded via an office-wide email that we must comply with the official timekeeping rules.”
that means recording the correct time on our time sheets, not being absent during core hours without submitting a leave slip, not being off campus except for lunch hour or approved leave — you know, everything short of requiring hall passes to use the restrooms. (really, would you expect anything less from the united states government?)
later that a day, a print-out appeared on the bulletin board for a training called “dealing with difficult people.”
this follow-up note was posted soon after.
adds our submitter: “as far as i know, no one has actually been fired or threatened with firing for not complying.” (again, this is the federal government we’re talking about.)
related: four approaches to ice-cube maintenance
extra credit: “the audacity of government” [thisamericanlife.org]
201 responses so far ↓
#1
César
Scare Tactics from the government. Why am I not supprised?
Jul 16, 2008 at 3:35 am rating: +5
#2
Troy McClure
To the note-writers: I wouldn’t be confused if you were doing it right.
Is this the level of eloquence expected from the federal government? Anonymous PA notes help solve the problem … i.e., get you a job at McDonalds? A step up, I suppose.
And maybe I slept through the relevant Friendship 101 class, but am I supposed to be not letting my friends go to work until they’re on the verge of getting fired?
What these notes say I’m not sure
Which parts are sarcastic’s obscure
At least I take heart
To know that some part
Of the government’s awesome and mature
Jul 16, 2008 at 4:44 am rating: +23
#3
reyna ulikba
Nothing is more mature than to leave another p/a note to counteract the first one.
I suppose the use of Oxford commas would similarly result to some bureaucratic spanking or (gasp!) getting fired? or another p/a note…
Jul 16, 2008 at 4:49 am rating: +4
#4
ALA
Oh, please! No one fears being fired by the federal government. You’d pretty much have to freebase a kitten in the lobby of the Hoover Building in order to get fired.
Jul 16, 2008 at 5:02 am rating: +49
#5
RALPHY
I didn’t know WalMart had taken over the Fed .Admin. When did they grow balls and become King.
Jul 16, 2008 at 6:38 am rating: +2
#6
schrodingersduck
I’m confused - who’s terrified of losing their job? The person who wants to go work, or their friend who is trying to stop them?
Also “you wouldn’t be afraid if you were doing it right” should totally be the epigraph on a book about dangerous sex.
Jul 16, 2008 at 7:12 am rating: +22
#7
Rev Matt
I work at a federal facility (not in CO). This is not a joke. Accounting fraud (e.g. time card shenanigans) are grounds for immediate termination of contractors and PIP (performance improvement plan) of Civil Service employees.
On my project alone a half dozen contractors have been fired on the spot for time card related offenses in the past 5 years. CS *can* be fired for time card abuse, and it’s just about the only thing they can be fired for.
Don’t mess with the accountants.
Jul 16, 2008 at 7:13 am rating: +1
#8
grumpygranolagirl
Your government at work.
Jul 16, 2008 at 7:37 am rating: +1
#9
me
im a federal government contractor - and we dont have ANYTHING like this going on @ my place. Out of being here for 5 years, i havnt seen anyone get fired. the way to get rid of people is to give them a “package” (severance) and ive only heard of about 3 given out.
Crazyness is among us in the halls: married people screwing their married bosses, lazy people not showing up for meetings they have called, extra long long lunches, squirt guns, tons of passive agressive notes from one of the admins, watching youtube and tv in your office. guess thats the difference between fed employees and fed contractors.
the only problem we have is with our cafeteria vendor - they force you to order their food for meetings, and actually sent a memo out stating that you cant share any “unathourized outside food that was not purchased from the cafeteria”. horribly sucky
Jul 16, 2008 at 8:04 am rating: +3
#10
Delurker
You want fries with that?
Jul 16, 2008 at 8:08 am rating: +2
#11
agirlie
Huzzah! I’m lovin’ it!
Jul 16, 2008 at 8:11 am rating: +6
#12
GhostWriter
third note…
CORRECTION:
MY notes help solve the problem. Quit workin my side of the street!
UR DOIN IT WRONG!
PS: You are not being awesome and mature…
Jul 16, 2008 at 8:12 am rating: +5
#13
Joe
The original note writer, while clever, could have done a lot better. For example, would this not be much more amusing to see around the office?
Just don’t get me started on the heartless/brainless (and courageless?) retort.
Jul 16, 2008 at 8:19 am rating: +4
#14
claw71
I love the comparison to McDonald’s because, as the second note points out, there is a big difference between working at McDonalds and working for the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.
You see, at McDonald’s wages tend to be lower than average, benefits are nil and time off is a rare and unexpected treat. Workers are expected to meet ambitious performance standards and promotions are based entirely on merit. McDonald’s understands who it serves and strives to exceed the expectations of its customers.
McDonalds is a model of efficiency. Through the years McDonalds has wisely invested money into developing technology and techniques that minimize waste, reduce costs and increase consistency in the finished product.
Knowing this, I find it difficult to imagine anybody confusing McDonalds with the Federal Government.
Jul 16, 2008 at 8:46 am rating: +44
#15
Ryan
Oh man, that Fear is just so Fucking Delicious!
(Super-Sized, please.)
Jul 16, 2008 at 8:48 am rating: +7
#16
Kungfu_Kitty
I’m lurker who is finally breaking her vow of silence thanks to fear;).
Anyway, glad to know that the government can also write p/a notes in spite to show someone up and look equally bad. Mature!
Jul 16, 2008 at 8:48 am rating: +2
#17
Mishee
Too bad these notes aren’t in the form of a deeply carved writing.
That would be awesome.
Jul 16, 2008 at 9:01 am rating: +6
#18
Fla Boy
And nobody signs their name. Both notes could have come from the same person as an office joke.
I retired from government work where 70% of the workers carried the 30% loafers. It is the 30% that give government workers a bad reputation.
Jul 16, 2008 at 9:07 am rating: +1