“When the people fear their government, there is tyranny.”

July 16th, 2008 · 200 comments

“This morning we were reminded via an office-wide email that we must comply with the official timekeeping rules,” writes an anonymous federal employee in Colorado. “That means recording the correct times time sheets, not being absent during core hours without submitting a leave slip, not being off campus except for lunch hour or approved leave — you know, everything short of requiring hall passes to use the restrooms.” (Really, would you expect anything less from the United States government?)

Later that day, a print-out appeared on the bulletin board for a training called “dealing with difficult people.”

FEAR: Are you reading this while on approved leave? If not, you could be FIRED - the very first time it happens! Remember: "Friends don't let friends go to work unless they're terrified of losing their job!"

This follow-up note was posted soon after.

You wouldn't be afraid if you were doing it right. You work for the federal government not McDonald's. Anonymous passive aggressive notes help solve the problem! Keep leaving them right here! You are awesome and mature!

Adds our submitter: “As far as I know, no one has actually been fired or threatened with firing for not complying.” (Again, this is the federal government we’re talking about.)

related: Four approaches to ice-cube maintenance

extra credit: “The Audacity of Government” [thisamericanlife.org]

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · Colorado · Comic Sans Alert · fired · McDonalds · meta · not-so-veiled threats · now that's management · office · the government


200 responses so far ↓

  • #1   César

    Scare Tactics from the government. Why am I not supprised?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 3:35 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   claw71 bang

      Hmmm, that’s a funny name.

      Please stay where you are, See-zur. We have pinged your ISP and triangulated your location. We only want to question you regarding the animosity you have expressed toward this country. Remember: if you aren’t with us, you are against us.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:57 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Troy McClure bang

    To the note-writers: I wouldn’t be confused if you were doing it right.

    Is this the level of eloquence expected from the federal government? Anonymous PA notes help solve the problem … i.e., get you a job at McDonalds? A step up, I suppose.

    And maybe I slept through the relevant Friendship 101 class, but am I supposed to be not letting my friends go to work until they’re on the verge of getting fired?

    What these notes say I’m not sure
    Which parts are sarcastic’s obscure
    At least I take heart
    To know that some part
    Of the government’s awesome and mature

    Jul 16, 2008 at 4:44 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Kate

      Agreed. I have no idea what these notes are saying.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   killer-tofu

      Kate, you’re just going to agree and not praise his amazing poem?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   reyna ulikba bang

    Nothing is more mature than to leave another p/a note to counteract the first one.

    I suppose the use of Oxford commas would similarly result to some bureaucratic spanking or (gasp!) getting fired? or another p/a note…

    Jul 16, 2008 at 4:49 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Jaybird

      The Passive Aggressive Reply?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   ALA bang

    Oh, please! No one fears being fired by the federal government. You’d pretty much have to freebase a kitten in the lobby of the Hoover Building in order to get fired.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 5:02 am   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Troy McClure bang

      Or lie to the whole world and get thousands killed. No, wait….

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:18 am   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   killer-tofu

      shhhhhhhh, you need to be careful! they’re watching

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   clumber

      Wait – you can freebase kittens?!! Dammit… I have been doing it wrong all these years… I thought the best ingestion method was taping them to my arms and pouring DMSO over them….

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   aaa

      Well, the problem with DMSO is that it’s an aprotic polar solvent. Kitten freebasing is an SN1 reaction, so you’d need to use a protic polar solvent for the freebasing to be effective. I’d suggest using ethanol or methanol. These solvents don’t absorb into the skin like DMSO do, so I’d suggest that you use the kittens intravenously.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   RALPHY

    I didn’t know WalMart had taken over the Fed .Admin. When did they grow balls and become King.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 6:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   schrodingersduck bang

    I’m confused – who’s terrified of losing their job? The person who wants to go work, or their friend who is trying to stop them?

    Also “you wouldn’t be afraid if you were doing it right” should totally be the epigraph on a book about dangerous sex.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 7:12 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   song

      FEAR

      Are you reading this while having protected sex?
      If not, you could get pregnant – the very first time it happens!

      Remember: “Friends don’t let friends get some unless they’re terrified of making a baby!”

      Jul 16, 2008 at 7:46 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Rev Matt

    I work at a federal facility (not in CO). This is not a joke. Accounting fraud (e.g. time card shenanigans) are grounds for immediate termination of contractors and PIP (performance improvement plan) of Civil Service employees.

    On my project alone a half dozen contractors have been fired on the spot for time card related offenses in the past 5 years. CS *can* be fired for time card abuse, and it’s just about the only thing they can be fired for.

    Don’t mess with the accountants.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 7:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   name

      Contractors =/= feds.

      Frik. Me (9) beat me to it.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   agatha christie

      The Fed isn’t the only business overly concerned about time card fraud. I was fired from my comfy job as a deli worker in a grocery store for clocking in from lunch and sitting down for five more minutes. I wasn’t horribly torn up about it.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Cowgirlgraphics

      The accountants are the IRS and we know all about those bastards. They are after the little people who make mathmatical errors and not the people who are shoveling it right under the Gub’ments noses. They claim they can’t SMELL it.

      *HUMF*

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   sue

      hahaha! you said “shenanigans”…

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Dave

      Don’t mess with accountants. We’ll shove your hand into an adding machine.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   grumpygranolagirl

    Your government at work.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 7:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   me

    im a federal government contractor – and we dont have ANYTHING like this going on @ my place. Out of being here for 5 years, i havnt seen anyone get fired. the way to get rid of people is to give them a “package” (severance) and ive only heard of about 3 given out.

    Crazyness is among us in the halls: married people screwing their married bosses, lazy people not showing up for meetings they have called, extra long long lunches, squirt guns, tons of passive agressive notes from one of the admins, watching youtube and tv in your office. guess thats the difference between fed employees and fed contractors.

    the only problem we have is with our cafeteria vendor – they force you to order their food for meetings, and actually sent a memo out stating that you cant share any “unathourized outside food that was not purchased from the cafeteria”. horribly sucky

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   claw71 bang

      I’ve got a “package” for you.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   anglophile bang

      Married people screwing married bosses in the halls? 8O

      I so want to work there! At my job, we have to do it in the bathrooms.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:03 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   sadi

      Don’t tell Sandra.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Quite Contrary

      At my job, the married people screw the married bosses in the stairwells.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Mishee bang

      why have we note seen any of these “tons of passive aggressive notes”?? Are you holding out on us?!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:05 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   me

      i sent in a few, but none were posted online. after she posts them up, i like to walk around with a sharpie marker and add “thats what she said” to the end of the sign.

      and just to make it better… just got back from a party and the guy who was there got a non-touching lap dance from another co-worker. and the party was for his baby shower.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   john in grand haven bang

      sweet! are you taking applications? the IT bastards at my work block youtube so I only get to leave comments on blogs all day. damn IT bastards!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   nic

      john in grand haven
      Try typing the youtube IP address into your web browser http://208.65.153.253

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.9   me

      we are, but you would have to move to sunny Fl or DC to partake in these office shenanigans:

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.10   secondsout bang

      Hell, I’ll move to the Gobi desert if it means that lap dances become part of my office life.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.11   Moonsilver bang

      I live in S FL and like shenanigans. I’ve also been known to post on blogs when I’m supposed to be working. Where do I sign up?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Delurker bang

    You want fries with that?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   agirlie

    Huzzah! I’m lovin’ it!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:11 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   GhostWriter bang

    third note…

    CORRECTION:
    MY notes help solve the problem. Quit workin my side of the street!
    UR DOIN IT WRONG!

    PS: You are not being awesome and mature…

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Joe bang

    The original note writer, while clever, could have done a lot better. For example, would this not be much more amusing to see around the office?

    Just don’t get me started on the heartless/brainless (and courageless?) retort.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   claw71 bang

    I love the comparison to McDonald’s because, as the second note points out, there is a big difference between working at McDonalds and working for the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

    You see, at McDonald’s wages tend to be lower than average, benefits are nil and time off is a rare and unexpected treat. Workers are expected to meet ambitious performance standards and promotions are based entirely on merit. McDonald’s understands who it serves and strives to exceed the expectations of its customers.

    McDonalds is a model of efficiency. Through the years McDonalds has wisely invested money into developing technology and techniques that minimize waste, reduce costs and increase consistency in the finished product.

    Knowing this, I find it difficult to imagine anybody confusing McDonalds with the Federal Government.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:46 am   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      McDonald’s has also successfully invaded many countries with very few casualties (if we don’t count cardiovascular diseases).

      Royale w/cheese anyone? Vincent? Jules?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:45 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Mishee bang

      CB – what about Thomas L. Friedman and the Golden Arches Theory of Conflict Prevention? Well, I guess that one is moot…

      Possibly we need to get Dell out to the Middle East, STAT!

      Maybe one day, that little stoner dude is gonna bring us World Peace.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Canthz_B bang

      “DEATH TO AMERICA!”

      “But Dude…yur gettin’ a Dell.”

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   amy d bang

      Yeah and you just saved a bundle on your auto insurance by switching to Geico.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   Mishee bang

      OMG amy, how did you know that? Are you stealing my mail?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 6:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Ryan

    Oh man, that Fear is just so Fucking Delicious!

    (Super-Sized, please.)

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Mishee bang

      Just like I told sizeXS yesterday – the Unitard is “One Size Fits All”!!

      Now put it on and do your time like a big boy, Ryan!!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   RunBarbara

      we should just get one, giant unitard and make everyone get in all at once.
      then we could hose it down and make them sit, wet, in shame….
      oh god. excuse me. i need to go take care of something…..

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Troy McClure bang

      It’s a unitardis. There’s much more room inside than you would think to look at it.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   Ryan

      That was very clever of you TC, or should I say – the Good Doctor?

      Also, stop stealing my hay. Thanks!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 1:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Kungfu_Kitty bang

    I’m lurker who is finally breaking her vow of silence thanks to fear;).

    Anyway, glad to know that the government can also write p/a notes in spite to show someone up and look equally bad. Mature!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Mishee bang

    Too bad these notes aren’t in the form of a deeply carved writing.

    That would be awesome.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Shane

      …and mature.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Fla Boy

    And nobody signs their name. Both notes could have come from the same person as an office joke.

    I retired from government work where 70% of the workers carried the 30% loafers. It is the 30% that give government workers a bad reputation.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      So cool how you never said which camp you were in! ;-)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   claw71 bang

      I think he’s using fuzzy math. I checked with the General Accounting Office and discovered that the administrative wing of the federal workforce is much more complex.

      28% are incompetent nicompoops.
      21% are goldbricks
      20% are loafers (apparently the difference is in the GS number)
      14% are criminally negligent
      12% failed at math
      10% used to care but gave up years ago
      4% care but only when somebody’s watching
      11% cheated at math, lied on their applications and became supervisors.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Numinous bang

      That’s an excellent example of government math.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Mishee bang

      claw, I suppose your math is where they get the phrase “Give it 120%”

      i love you.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Timo

      I am not seeing the percentage for the criminally insane.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Gowler

      See how bloated our gov’t has become? It has expanded 20% beyond physical possibility.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 4:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   Stacy

      Nowhere did Claw say that any one person could only fit into one category. I know several government employees who fit into multiple categories, and a few who don’t fit into any of those categories. The categories obviously overlap, and with the generous leave benefits, there were certainly people absent on survey day. One has to look at each statistic individually.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.8   Burghardt

      or maybe claw is just part of the 12% that failed math…

      Jul 17, 2008 at 4:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   tinkerbell2

    That second note is clearly from someone in Human Resources. Casey, is that you? Awesome (and mature).

    Wouldn’t Awesome and Mature be a good name for a pair of detectives in a straight-to-DVD cop buddy movie? One a maverick surf dude, one a wise old-timer.. played by Owen Wilson and Morgan Freeman.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:07 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   GhostWriter bang

      I was thinking more along the lines of a Cagney & Lacey-type duo, featuring Miley Cyrus and Madonna.

      Each show could include a portion of their madcap adventure set to music, like they used to do in “Scooby Doo”.

      Imagine listening to See You Again, while watching a dark criminal standing in the shadows and leveling his pistol at Madonna’s back, when suddenly Miley falls out of the air duct above him, knocking him and the gun to the ground. Madonna turns to see what happened, and our plucky awesome investigator shouts, “Miley-Miley-Does!”

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Timo

      If Madonna isn’t available David letterman in a wig could stand in for her.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   tomservo bang

      Or just have Sandra and Casey in the lead roles…

      Jul 16, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   amy d bang

      Casey is definitely awesome and definitely not mature. Sandra is definitely not awesome , but may be mature by age but not by action.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   Mishee bang

      Actually ames, I think the important lesson that must be taught is that CASEY IS NOT IN HR ANYMORE

      Casey quit cause she couldn’t take the Mongolian BBQ, and hats, and bathroom keys anymore! Get over it!!!

      Everyone needs to find themselves a new union rep and move on..

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   Awesomely Mature

      Casey will always be my HR rep.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 7:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   RandyinReno

      And I’d have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.8   Canthz_B bang

      Zoinks! A Josie and the Pussycats reference!

      Jul 17, 2008 at 1:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   se

    If you are doing it right? being afraid? Is there a right or wrong way to be afraid?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   RunBarbara

      right way to be afraid:
      buy a gun and live in your closet

      wrong way to be afraid:
      pee your pants in public

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   GhostWriter bang

    “You wouldn’t be afraid if you were doing it right!”

    Oddly enough, this represents (in its entirety) the same legal briefing used to authorize warrantless wiretapping.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:09 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      Amen.
      Trickle down may not work for the economy, but it sure works on the mindset of government employees.
      They learn to think like the new administration every four years.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   se

      Trickle down…
      If you’re wearing Depends, this could mean soggy socks.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 4:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   amy d bang

    In Soviet Russia, time clock punches you!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:12 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Mishee bang

      I know how long you have been saving that.

      I’m on to you sister! :)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   amy d bang

      Hmmm?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   amy d bang

      It has been pointed out to me that this joke was made by someone else a few months ago, in an other area.

      I am ashamed that I have stolen someone else’s work, however inadvertently, and await the lashes with a wet noodle that I deserve.

      What I have done wrong, I must also set aright. Credit for the joke in #22 must be given to Wade.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:19 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Canthz_B bang

      Now that’s class! ;-)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   gRant

      amy d: Wasn’t it Billy Shakespeare who said “there’s nothing new under the sun?” I would be very surprised if Wade was the first person to make that particular joke.

      Also, no mens rea.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 11:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   ndenunz

      gRant,

      It was Solomon in Ecclesiates.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 3:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah, but from whom did he lift the line? ;-)

      Oddly enough, the first person to say “There’s nothing new under the Sun” was telling a lie!

      Jul 17, 2008 at 4:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   gRant

      ndenunz, thank you.
      Very disappointing for my high school english teachers who did manage to impart the great sources of literary allusions (Shakespeare, Milton, and the KJV of the Bible as I recall).

      Shame I can’t properly distinguish amongst them.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 10:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   AidelMaidel

    Isn’t the person who photographed these notes just a little bit afraid for taking “unauthorized” photographs in a government office. Better call DHS on them!

    And I would be willing to bet that the same smart-ass wrote both notes.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Shane

      I’m leaning toward the idea that this might be a plant. How do we know this is a government office? This is probably actually a McDonald’s on the first floor of a government building.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Em Tee

    Can we also celebrate the fact that the first writer took the time to use four different fonts? What time saved in not using awesome clipart must have been spent on deciding which fonts would best convey their ire in the oh so witty note.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:01 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Quite Contrary

      Yet no penises? Why?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Shane

      TEAM Comic Sans FTW!!!!

      If I were on approved leave, would I be reading that note? HELL NO! I’d be on the beach somewhere using the “I work for the government” pick up line on the beach bunnies.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:08 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Bunnee

      QC-There are no penises because that would be redundant. It’s a govenment office.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Em Tee

      Comic Sans always makes me want to kick someone in the nuts. Is that the reaction the creator was trying to evoke? If so, SUCCESS!

      And no penises, indeed. Redundancy aside, it would have been the bee’s knees.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Quite Contrary

      Touche Bunnee.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   RandyinReno

      You mean schwastukas?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.7   Canthz_B bang

      Schwanzstuckers. ;-)

      *I just learned that yesterday ;-) *

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.8   RandyinReno

      This site is just so damn educational!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.9   RandyinReno

      The things you learn on PAN.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Quite Contrary

    If you are reading these notes on unapproved leave, the terrorists win.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:01 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Canthz_B bang

      If we gave all of the terrorists federal jobs they’d be less likely to try to bring down the government.

      I’m just saying…

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   amy d bang

    Fear. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    I don’t get it.
    What’s wrong with an employer, government or private sector, requiring employees to be at work working except during lunch or approved leave? What’s the big deal over submitting correct time sheet information?

    I would have totally agreed with note two if not for the McDonald’s crack. I’ve never worked for them, but I suspect that if an employee had someone punch their time-card for them because they were going to be late and spent the day smoking by the dumpster instead of making fries, they’d be fired much faster than a government employee!!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   GhostWriter bang

      I get it.

      The problem with requiring workers to document their work hours (down to six-minutes increments, if I remember correctly) is that it’s all smoke and mirrors in the end. Adding the fear of dismissal to it only assures that the timecards will be filled with BS.

      In general, people only work about 6 hours a day. I learned that in a Management 101 class, and have witnessed it routinely over the years. You can plan for people to work more, but that doesn’t make anybody work more. An unrealistic schedule simply shifts control of the project to the workers, who will prioritize the tasks themselves.

      Everybody has faced an unrealistic schedule. “You told us it would take 120 hours to finish that task, but we need it done in two weeks.” What happens? The task is considered “done” after two weeks, you’ve stayed in the office for sixty hours each week, your timecard might show some unpaid overtime on it, but in the end, you’ve really worked about six hours a day on that task.

      I will let you in on the big secret as to why companies insist on timecard rules, under penalty of dismissal. If they are dissatisfied with your off-work demeanor, your hobbies, your political affiliations, your family, etc., they can always get a witness to say, “I saw him take an extra 15 minutes for lunch one day,” and fire you for time card fraud.

      OMG; seven minutes! Oh well, consider me fraudulent.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:59 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Canthz_B bang

      One company I worked for had a keystroke tracking program.
      I could tell when my staff were working and what they were doing.

      I really only used it to see where there was a problem with an employee’s understanding of the work and I could counsel them on how to be more productive.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   GhostWriter bang

      Nice. Out of similar concerns, our company chose to install a bathroom cam.

      I really only used it to see if there was a problem in the ladies room (trash in the tampon bin, etc…). I would then counsel them on how to be more evocative.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Canthz_B bang

      What I mean is that I didn’t use it in an oppressive, big brotherish way to monitor their comings and goings.
      If someone had low production and was in danger of going on probation or losing their job, I’d see where the problem may lie and help them improve. For example if someone was taking the time to manually look-up fee schedules that the system would automatically assign to the procedure code, they were wasting time and lowering their production.
      I found it a useful tool and I did not abuse it. But just like some companies record phone calls, don’t think they cannot track your computer usage.
      Just hope they don’t abuse that ability.

      Unlike the restroom, there should be little expectation of privacy at your work-space.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   JoeInLA

      “… I really only used it to see where there was a problem with an employee’s understanding of the work and I could counsel them on how to be more productive.”

      By any chance did the “counseling” involve red-hot pliers? Just curious.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   schrodingersduck bang

    Reading the note when not on leave gets you fired. But if you don’t read the note, then you don’t know that reading the note will get you fired.

    So unless you just happen to be on leave the first time you see that poster, you’re screwed.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Troy McClure bang

      After a logical implosion, he ended up in a weird superposition of fired and not-fired: Schrödinger’s Fed.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:36 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Joe bang

      Catch 22 — you have to be crazy to get discharged, but anyone who seeks to be discharged from the service in a time of war is clearly sane.

      So it’s like the anti-catch 22 — no matter what you do, you get relieved of your duty (and paycheck).

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   schrodingersduck bang

    This note is a glimpse into a strange and dystopian future, where the government will begin all messages with massive block-capitals proclaiming “FEAR” . As they grow more confident, we’ll begin seeing “HORROR“, “TERROR“, “DEATH” and eventually simply “CTHULHU FHTAGN” .

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Mark bang

      Why vote for the lesser evil?

      May I be eaten first!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Canthz_B bang

    I’m interested to see the original intra-office e-mail.
    There has got to be more to this than asking employees not to lie about their hours worked and please don’t leave the office unless you’re on break. There’s just gotta be because that just doesn’t get me to “FEAR”.
    Maybe I’m not doing it right. :-|

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Canthz_B bang

    Stan: You’re late Dex.

    Dexter: Sure I’m late. I’ll just write down that I was here on time, see? This is a safe government job, Stan.
    What are they going to do? Send me to Abu Ghra–aarrgghh…

    Stan: *Damn, he owed me ten bucks*

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Mishee bang

    *is starting to get concerned as the current thread has not yet turned the topic to “all about Mishee”*

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   se

      I was afraid of that

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   If Mishee were made of bricks she would be a pile of bricks conspicuously arranged to resemble a fat slob with yellow teeth who reaks of bong water and stale Sun Chips which people would look at and say, "Damn, that pile of bricks looks like a fat slob wh

      All Mishee, all the time. It’s how we roll.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Mishee...aka: Booger Pussy

      Wouldn’t Mishee be the perfect government employee?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   Mishee bang

      but alas I am NOT made of bricks.

      I am made of sunshine and farts.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.5   Mishee has a penis

      Come on, stick with the main thread.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.6   The world needs more Mishee

      Sometimes when I fart, I think of Mishee and all the good times we had. Like when we used to eat Nutter Butters right out of the pack during reruns of Martin.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.7   Canthz_B bang

      I’m gagging and don’t know whether it’s because of the fart or Martin.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.8   Mishee bang

      Well CB – I am a woman, so it’s probably Martin.

      Remember, IF we do happen to fart (which has not been “scientifically proven” yet), our farts would smell like roses!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.9   Canthz_B bang

      Well, at least we finally tricked someone into finding out how many spaces there are in the “Your Name” box!

      Who had this date in the PAN pool? :-)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.10   Asspanda Patrol

      Enough about Mishee!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.11   Mishee bang

      CB – I think Wade had the third week of July.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.12   Joe bang

      Well, all I hear all day long at passiveaggressivenotes.com is how great Mishee does sarcasm, or how wonderful Mishee made a pun. Mishee, Mishee, Mishee!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.13   se

      Mishee, make Joe pay for his audacity..
      moon him.

      BTW,I can be bribed to mention Mishee in every posting.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.14   Mishee bang

      You know Joe, you are probably right.

      I hear the same complaining coming from my husband.

      I ignore him too.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.15   Canthz_B bang

      I’m curious as to where Joe hears/reads these strange things.
      I rarely see a “great” or “wonderful” directed at Mishee…unless she’s the one saying it, that is. ;-)

      claw71, sometimes Troy McClure, are the only ones who routinely get threads of praise attached to their comments…and that praise is well deserved.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.16   Mishee bang

      *whispers* se, I could offer you Unitard immunity… (unless, that is, you enjoy it!) I have an in with RB… (an in & out that is!)

      Great CB! Just wonderful! You aren’t helping the cause!! ;)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.17   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, Mishee.
      “Normally you… would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you.” ;-)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.18   Mishee bang

      CB – Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.19   fnnkybutt

      @ Joe
      Brady Bunch reference ftw. ;)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.20   RandyinReno

      Mishee! Women don’t fart, they have panty burps.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Kate

    I perceived the first note as a fun joke…. it’s so sad that people are losing their sense of humor and resorting to nasty responses.

    However, I’m pretty passive aggressive myself, so I might see things a lot differently.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 10:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   jodie

    clearly the first one is just a goof. i used to leave notes like that around my office (also a government job, coincidentally) all the time when they were cracking down on us for ridiculous things. it’s the second note that’s dumb. the first note is really funny.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   unholyghost2003 bang

    “you know, everything short of requiring hall passes to use the restrooms ”

    makes it sound like “recording the correct time on our time sheets, not being absent during core hours without submitting a leave slip, not being off campus except for lunch hour or approved leave”

    is unreasonable. Sorry Submitter and original note author, Rules like ‘Don’t lie on your time cards,’ ‘Don’t just take off during the middle of the day without requesting time off,’ and ‘Don’t just wander out of the building during work hours’ are very reasonable (even if #2 and #3 are a bit redundant).

    Speaking as a former government employee, I must say that 80% of government employees suck. Give a set of rules like “Don’t wander off while we are paying you to work and then lie about it.” to ANYONE who doesn’t work for the government and they will look at you in shock and say, “Well, NO SHIT!” Only government employees hear such a thing and start crying about “fear tactics” and it being just “short of requiring hall passes to use the restrooms.” Lazy Bastards.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 11:47 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Canthz_B bang

      Team Retina Scan before leaving the premises!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:13 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Canthz_B bang

    I’m 100% behind any policy that makes government employees terrified of losing their jobs.
    They can only serve the public better when they know how the rest of us live!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 12:26 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   claw71 bang

    The irony of the second note fulfills me.

    Why is it the people who cast judgment on the basis of maturity so clearly lack it?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 12:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Mishee bang

      you can say that again claw! Once again, art is imitating real (internet) life!! :D

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   claw71 bang

    You know who’s awesome and mature? Bea Arthur, baby. And then, there’s Maude.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 1:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   amy d bang

      Am I missing your joke, Claw? Bea Arthur played Maude.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   claw71 bang

      I was singing the hook from the theme song…and it was in tune! That’s why it was in italics.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   amy d bang

      Aha! I knew it must be something. I remember the show (vaguely) but definitely not the theme song.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.4   Canthz_B bang

      Lady Godiva was a freedom rider…

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.5   claw71 bang

      When I think of Lady Godiva I think of naked ladies covered in chocoalte. When I think of that theme song I think of Bea Arthur naked and covered in chocolate.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.6   Canthz_B bang

      You’re makink exzellent progrezz in therapy, claw.
      I feel ve’re getting clozer to zeh root of your problemz! LOL :-)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.7   Timo

      What was the name of the poor unfortunate daughter of Maude who didn’t have the money for a bra?

      Mmmm her in chocolate.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.8   Canthz_B bang

      Carol Tranior.
      Played by Adrienne “Boobs” Barbeau.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 4:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.9   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe this will get that tune out of my head!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.10   Walter Findlay

      “Joan of Arc, with the Lord to guide her,
      she was a sister who really cooked.”

      Since they burned her at the stake (steak!) this verse seemed a bit perverse.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 2:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   unholyghost2003 bang

    True confession: When I first saw the note title I thought it said “when the people fear their government, there is tranny.” I was so curious as to how fear of government causes transvestites …

    Jul 16, 2008 at 1:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Canthz_B bang

      Back taxes.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 1:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Canthz_B bang

    This one time at band camp they told us not to go into the lake unless a lifeguard was on duty. They said someone could drown.
    Seven of my friends and I rebelled against this onerous rule and obvious scare tactic and went swimming one night.
    For some reason the Camp Director was furious with the five of us when we returned!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 1:43 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   laurie ruettimann

    I love the workplace passive aggressive notes the best. :)

    Jul 16, 2008 at 1:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Dina

    Just want to state for the record that for the 3 years I worked at McDonald’s, we took bathroom breaks when we wanted, went on break whenever there was one available, and got all the free fried deliciousness we could stuff in our bellies.

    Never once was there a PA note in our break room-maybe we were too busy feeding these Federal Workers their lunches?

    Damn right they don’t work at McDonald’s, they’d never last a day!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 2:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Mark bang

      I also “did time” at McD’s for 2 years. I agree that bathroom was on an as-needed basis and breaks happened when one was available (as decided by the manager on duty). However, when I was there, we had to pay (full price, too!) for the food we ate, in fact we had to stand in line like the rest of the riff-raff. Drinks were free, though.

      And I would agree that McD’s is actually pretty hard work! I make many times more money now than I did then, and probably don’t work as hard (though most of what I do now is mental, McDs is … um… not).

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   Mishee bang

      Probably don’t work as hard?

      Mark, I see the work you put into some of your PAN comments – and you DEFINITELY work just as hard now as you did then!!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   kat

    haiku

    fear of greasy fries
    makes awesome mature cs
    read on approved time

    Jul 16, 2008 at 2:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   hi, coo!

      a stupid haiku
      now sits at post forty-three
      it’s just not funny

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   cvp bang

    Am I just totally lost? You mean that someone is saying that our tax dollars are only going to be paid out to people who are actually showing up to work and that is construed as a threat? Wow. I don’t even know what to think.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 2:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Numinous bang

    I AM awesome and mature.
    Thanks so much for finally noticing.

    Claw is more awesome though.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 2:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   Mrs. Claw

      Yes, he is and now he’s all mine.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.2   Mishee bang

      you fucking wish.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 4:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   Sheepish bang

    I spent 3 years in call centre customer service hell.

    A typical snapshot of the floor at any given time would look like this:

    30 people chatting with their neighbours in the next cubicle,
    10 people on a call with an irrational customer,
    and 20 customers on hold.

    I’m not saying I am the best-employee-ever (although I should have a mug with that inscribed on it) But I can do simple math.

    I would wonder why those 30 reps couldn’t take one call each!?! Thus allowing for the customers on hold to go the f*ck away and we could all sit and wait for the next call and chat with our neighbours.

    Shortly before I quit I realized what was going on. It was during my yearly review with my supervisor. She brought out a list of stats on my call times, my down time, breaks ect. My average call handle time was about 2 min 30 sec. Then she tells me that the goal handle time is 5 min. So to put it simply, I was working twice as fast as I needed to be.

    From that point until I quit I took one call every 5 minutes and put tape over the blinking light on my phone that indicates how many people are on hold.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 3:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   Bunnee

      Sheepish, quit working so hard! You’re ruining it for the rest of us! :)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.2   tomservo bang

      “I spent 3 years in call centre customer service hell.”

      Dear God! You lasted that long?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.3   Sheepish bang

      i’ve thought the same thing since i left.
      why would anyone in their right mind stay that long?
      oh, well maybe that explains it.
      also, i don’t like change.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 9:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   DF

    I don’t know the details of the timesheet in this particular office, but I do know that the trend is having employees keep a pretty detailed accounting of their daily activities – down to 10-15 minute intervals – using TimeDirect or some similar service. Since this can be time-consuming for people with many duties that take a few minutes here and there over the course of a week, there is a tendency to wait until the end of the day or the end of the week, and guesstimate time spent on each duty.

    Obviously, having employees guess at their time usage kind of defeats the purpose of having a detailed time accounting system.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 3:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   tomservo bang

      0900-0930 – sat down, farted, spent 25 minutes trying to log on to pc
      0930-0935 – updated timecard with the above information
      0935-0945 – toilet break owing to funny milk on my Cheerios this morning
      0945-0950 – updated timecard with the above information
      0950-1015 – coffee break (extended slightly by incident with coffee machine, dirty mugs and Casey in Human Resources)
      1015-1020 – updated timecard with the above information
      1020-1045 – read my emails and deleted those that looked like they may involve work
      1045-1050 – updated timecard with the above information…

      …I’d carry on but can’t be arsed.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #47.2   Quite Contrary

      You’d carry on but lost interest in the project and hate lying.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #48   Summer

    hmmmm…yeah, about those TPS reports…

    Jul 16, 2008 at 4:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   RandyinReno

      And my red stapler… someone’s taken my red stapler…

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.2   Milton

      if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #49   SquirrelBrains

    Who is this year’s Passive Aggressive Party (PAP) nominee for president?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 5:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   itmustbeken bang

    YOU ARE AWESOME AND MATURE! really made the note for me.

    Reminding us all that it’s so important to have a good ending.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 5:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Mishee bang

    I am starting to wonder what Federal Building there is in CO.

    Something having to do with NORAD?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 5:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Canthz_B bang

      The place to order Government publications is in Boulder, I think.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 6:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   aaa

    Ahhh, hypocrisy. At least we know our government is working hard to fulfill the status quo. :D

    Jul 16, 2008 at 7:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   MadFed

    I guess there should be clarification. The series of events went down like this:

    Email sent out from supervisor saying something to the effect of “I have noticed people coming in late, and their timesheets are not reflecting this. This is a serious issue.”

    Sometime later a common bulletin board had a flyer for a class on dealing with difficult people — implying the supervisor was being difficult. (I stole this off the bulletin board to determine if it was real.) Later the “FEAR” note appeared on the board, way down in the bottom corner. Sometime after that, the second note appeared, tacked right over the top of the other one. A short time after that they both disappeared.

    The next day we got an email from supervisor again to the effect of “I merely mention that timesheet fraud is a first-time firing offense because it can and does happen. I was not implying that anyone’s jobs are immediately in jeopardy.”

    Lots of people (not on approved leave) were taking pictures of this on their phone — it’s probably on facebook right now.

    I am %90 sure I know who posted the first note, and about %35 sure on the second note.

    I am actually in love with where I work because everything is so p/a all the time. The person I think posted the first note is a champion of breaking the rules and ass-licking enough to get away with it. I guess the person was mad that someone noticed their 555th tardbucks run of the day and felt threatened.

    Essentially we just reorganized and everyone has new bosses and are flipping out because they have a new d1ck to suck and haven’t gotten the hang of it yet. But I do agree with the second note– If you aren’t the one coming in late, you can relax. If you are the one coming in late, stop it, then you too can relax — into your Hermann Miller chair with your ergonomic mouse and keyboard, listen to the white noise generator and blissfully accrue paid leave!

    That’s what I do.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #53.1   Mishee bang

      I miss my Aeron chair.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.2   Canthz_B bang

      Wow, In #30 I asked if there was something more here, meaning something of substance.
      Now I find that there’s not. Just a boss asking his employees to come to work on time, not lie on there time sheets and don’t leave work just because they feel like going to the store.
      The only thing new now is an admission that government employees are cock-suckers.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.3   Canthz_B bang

      …their time sheets…

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #54   Quite Contrary

    You say you’re in love with work because it’s so p/a all the time, yet you are only 35% sure who wrote the second note?

    Didn’t you write the second note?

    PS That’s the conclusion I jumped to after I read your note. Based on my horse stable days, that means it’s the truth.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   Quite Contrary

      Supposed to be 53.2. Sorry!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.2   MadFed

      I am way too busy freebasing kittens for all that note-typing business.

      And by love I mean hate, and by %35 I mean I think it was a collaborative effort.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.3   Canthz_B bang

      Why do you keep putting the percent sign in front of the numeral? That’s so annoying.

      Are you in claw’s 12% that failed math, his 28% that are incompetent nincompoops, or both?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.4   Quite Contrary

      Isn’t it %12 or %28?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.5   Canthz_B bang

      No.

      Using Percentages

      Because “Percent” means “per 100″ you should think “this should always be divided by 100″

      So 75% really means 75/100

      And 100% is 100/100, or exactly 1 (100% of any number is just the number, unchanged)

      http://www.mathsisfun.com/percentage.html

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.6   Quite Contrary

      CB: I was trying to be sarcastic. Sorry!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.7   Canthz_B bang

      I noticed you did it right in #54 and was thinking, “wtf?”. LOL

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.8   Quite Contrary

      We really need a new note…

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.9   Troy McClure bang

      QC, I was just about to offer my views on percentages. Thanks for saving me from myself.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.10   MadFed

      Hmmm. I guess I was too busy making the bureaucratic machine turn more slowly. Does it bother you if I write 10$ 14% of the time and $10 %18 of the time and then I write 10.00 0.33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 of the time or ten bucks a quarter of the time? I guess I did not realise that I would be taken to task for putting the percent sign in the wrong place. It’s fine, apparently the government can’t fire me for not consulting my style manual.

      Aug 1, 2008 at 2:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #55   summer

    Next!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Maryland Rubbernecker

    I find this very amusing because, nobody ever, ever gets fired in federal government. They just get passed on to the next office. It takes months and month to get rid of a bad employee because there’s so much paperwork.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 6:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   WorkerBee

    I kept reading the title as “when the people fear their government, there is tranny.” Makes it much more interesting…and confusing.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 10:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #57.1   Mark bang

      See #39.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 11:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #58   hamburke

    I worked for the federal government (EPA) as a contractor (lab-rat) and there were days I wished that certain people would just not show up! They didn’t know how to do their jobs anyway (seriously, if you’ve been working in the same lab for 28 years, learn how to use the DOS -based database – I did and I was only there for a year – and stick your used glassware in the bin labeled “dirty glassware” so I don’t have to guess when I retrieve it from your lab every morning) so it would actually have saved me time.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 9:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   american analog threat

    [...] i like the idea of an junior-high-elective-style employment program. dance? restaurant management? government? you [...]

    Jul 20, 2008 at 8:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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