“when the people fear their government, there is tyranny.”

July 16th, 2008 · 201 comments

writes an anonymous federal employee in colorado: “this morning we were reminded via an office-wide email that we must comply with the official timekeeping rules.”

that means recording the correct time on our time sheets, not being absent during core hours without submitting a leave slip, not being off campus except for lunch hour or approved leave — you know, everything short of requiring hall passes to use the restrooms. (really, would you expect anything less from the united states government?)

later that a day, a print-out appeared on the bulletin board for a training called “dealing with difficult people.”

'when the people fear their government, there is tyranny.'

this follow-up note was posted soon after.

'when the people fear their government, there is tyranny.'

adds our submitter: “as far as i know, no one has actually been fired or threatened with firing for not complying.” (again, this is the federal government we’re talking about.)

related: four approaches to ice-cube maintenance
extra credit: “the audacity of government” [thisamericanlife.org]

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FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · colorado · fired · meta · not-so-veiled threats · now that's management · office · the government


201 responses so far ↓

  • #1   César

    Scare Tactics from the government. Why am I not supprised?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 3:35 am   rating: +5  

    • #1.1   claw71

      Hmmm, that’s a funny name.

      Please stay where you are, See-zur. We have pinged your ISP and triangulated your location. We only want to question you regarding the animosity you have expressed toward this country. Remember: if you aren’t with us, you are against us.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:57 am   rating: +28  

       
     
  • #2   Troy McClure

    To the note-writers: I wouldn’t be confused if you were doing it right.

    Is this the level of eloquence expected from the federal government? Anonymous PA notes help solve the problem … i.e., get you a job at McDonalds? A step up, I suppose.

    And maybe I slept through the relevant Friendship 101 class, but am I supposed to be not letting my friends go to work until they’re on the verge of getting fired?

    What these notes say I’m not sure
    Which parts are sarcastic’s obscure
    At least I take heart
    To know that some part
    Of the government’s awesome and mature

    Jul 16, 2008 at 4:44 am   rating: +23  

    • #2.1   Kate

      Agreed. I have no idea what these notes are saying.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #2.2   killer-tofu

      Kate, you’re just going to agree and not praise his amazing poem?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:12 am   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #3   reyna ulikba

    Nothing is more mature than to leave another p/a note to counteract the first one.

    I suppose the use of Oxford commas would similarly result to some bureaucratic spanking or (gasp!) getting fired? or another p/a note…

    Jul 16, 2008 at 4:49 am   rating: +4  

    • #3.1   Jaybird

      The Passive Aggressive Reply?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:47 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #4   ALA

    Oh, please! No one fears being fired by the federal government. You’d pretty much have to freebase a kitten in the lobby of the Hoover Building in order to get fired.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 5:02 am   rating: +49  

    • #4.1   Troy McClure

      Or lie to the whole world and get thousands killed. No, wait….

      Jul 16, 2008 at 5:18 am   rating: +52  

       
    • #4.2   killer-tofu

      shhhhhhhh, you need to be careful! they’re watching

      Jul 16, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #4.3   clumber

      Wait - you can freebase kittens?!! Dammit… I have been doing it wrong all these years… I thought the best ingestion method was taping them to my arms and pouring DMSO over them….

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:16 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #4.4   aaa

      Well, the problem with DMSO is that it’s an aprotic polar solvent. Kitten freebasing is an SN1 reaction, so you’d need to use a protic polar solvent for the freebasing to be effective. I’d suggest using ethanol or methanol. These solvents don’t absorb into the skin like DMSO do, so I’d suggest that you use the kittens intravenously.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm   rating: +8  

       
     
  • #5   RALPHY

    I didn’t know WalMart had taken over the Fed .Admin. When did they grow balls and become King.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 6:38 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #6   schrodingersduck

    I’m confused - who’s terrified of losing their job? The person who wants to go work, or their friend who is trying to stop them?

    Also “you wouldn’t be afraid if you were doing it right” should totally be the epigraph on a book about dangerous sex.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 7:12 am   rating: +22  

    • #6.1   song

      FEAR

      Are you reading this while having protected sex?
      If not, you could get pregnant - the very first time it happens!

      Remember: “Friends don’t let friends get some unless they’re terrified of making a baby!”

      Jul 16, 2008 at 7:46 am   rating: +26  

       
     
  • #7   Rev Matt

    I work at a federal facility (not in CO). This is not a joke. Accounting fraud (e.g. time card shenanigans) are grounds for immediate termination of contractors and PIP (performance improvement plan) of Civil Service employees.

    On my project alone a half dozen contractors have been fired on the spot for time card related offenses in the past 5 years. CS *can* be fired for time card abuse, and it’s just about the only thing they can be fired for.

    Don’t mess with the accountants.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 7:13 am   rating: +1  

    • #7.1   name

      Contractors =/= feds.

      Frik. Me (9) beat me to it.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #7.2   agatha christie

      The Fed isn’t the only business overly concerned about time card fraud. I was fired from my comfy job as a deli worker in a grocery store for clocking in from lunch and sitting down for five more minutes. I wasn’t horribly torn up about it.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #7.3   Cowgirlgraphics

      The accountants are the IRS and we know all about those bastards. They are after the little people who make mathmatical errors and not the people who are shoveling it right under the Gub’ments noses. They claim they can’t SMELL it.

      *HUMF*

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:58 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #7.4   sue

      hahaha! you said “shenanigans”…

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:01 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #7.5   Dave

      Don’t mess with accountants. We’ll shove your hand into an adding machine.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #8   grumpygranolagirl

    Your government at work.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 7:37 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #9   me

    im a federal government contractor - and we dont have ANYTHING like this going on @ my place. Out of being here for 5 years, i havnt seen anyone get fired. the way to get rid of people is to give them a “package” (severance) and ive only heard of about 3 given out.

    Crazyness is among us in the halls: married people screwing their married bosses, lazy people not showing up for meetings they have called, extra long long lunches, squirt guns, tons of passive agressive notes from one of the admins, watching youtube and tv in your office. guess thats the difference between fed employees and fed contractors.

    the only problem we have is with our cafeteria vendor - they force you to order their food for meetings, and actually sent a memo out stating that you cant share any “unathourized outside food that was not purchased from the cafeteria”. horribly sucky

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:04 am   rating: +3  

    • #9.1   claw71

      I’ve got a “package” for you.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:50 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #9.2   anglophile

      Married people screwing married bosses in the halls? 8O

      I so want to work there! At my job, we have to do it in the bathrooms.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:03 am   rating: +34  

       
    • #9.3   sadi

      Don’t tell Sandra.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: +13  

       
    • #9.4   Quite Contrary

      At my job, the married people screw the married bosses in the stairwells.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:48 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #9.5   Mishee

      why have we note seen any of these “tons of passive aggressive notes”?? Are you holding out on us?!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:05 pm   rating: +6  

       
    • #9.6   me

      i sent in a few, but none were posted online. after she posts them up, i like to walk around with a sharpie marker and add “thats what she said” to the end of the sign.

      and just to make it better… just got back from a party and the guy who was there got a non-touching lap dance from another co-worker. and the party was for his baby shower.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 12:27 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #9.7   john in grand haven

      sweet! are you taking applications? the IT bastards at my work block youtube so I only get to leave comments on blogs all day. damn IT bastards!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #9.8   nic

      john in grand haven
      Try typing the youtube IP address into your web browser http://208.65.153.253

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.9   me

      we are, but you would have to move to sunny Fl or DC to partake in these office shenanigans:

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.10   secondsout

      Hell, I’ll move to the Gobi desert if it means that lap dances become part of my office life.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #9.11   Moonsilver

      I live in S FL and like shenanigans. I’ve also been known to post on blogs when I’m supposed to be working. Where do I sign up?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:12 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #10   Delurker

    You want fries with that?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:08 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #11   agirlie

    Huzzah! I’m lovin’ it!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:11 am   rating: +6  

     
  • #12   GhostWriter

    third note…

    CORRECTION:
    MY notes help solve the problem. Quit workin my side of the street!
    UR DOIN IT WRONG!

    PS: You are not being awesome and mature…

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: +5  

     
  • #13   Joe

    The original note writer, while clever, could have done a lot better. For example, would this not be much more amusing to see around the office?

    Just don’t get me started on the heartless/brainless (and courageless?) retort.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:19 am   rating: +4  

     
  • #14   claw71

    I love the comparison to McDonald’s because, as the second note points out, there is a big difference between working at McDonalds and working for the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

    You see, at McDonald’s wages tend to be lower than average, benefits are nil and time off is a rare and unexpected treat. Workers are expected to meet ambitious performance standards and promotions are based entirely on merit. McDonald’s understands who it serves and strives to exceed the expectations of its customers.

    McDonalds is a model of efficiency. Through the years McDonalds has wisely invested money into developing technology and techniques that minimize waste, reduce costs and increase consistency in the finished product.

    Knowing this, I find it difficult to imagine anybody confusing McDonalds with the Federal Government.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:46 am   rating: +44  

    • #14.1   Canthz_B

      McDonald’s has also successfully invaded many countries with very few casualties (if we don’t count cardiovascular diseases).

      Royale w/cheese anyone? Vincent? Jules?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:45 pm   rating: +12  

       
    • #14.2   Mishee

      CB - what about Thomas L. Friedman and the Golden Arches Theory of Conflict Prevention? Well, I guess that one is moot…

      Possibly we need to get Dell out to the Middle East, STAT!

      Maybe one day, that little stoner dude is gonna bring us World Peace.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:50 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #14.3   Canthz_B

      “DEATH TO AMERICA!”

      “But Dude…yur gettin’ a Dell.”

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:57 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #14.4   amy d

      Yeah and you just saved a bundle on your auto insurance by switching to Geico.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:00 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #14.5   Mishee

      OMG amy, how did you know that? Are you stealing my mail?

      Jul 16, 2008 at 6:39 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #15   Ryan

    Oh man, that Fear is just so Fucking Delicious!

    (Super-Sized, please.)

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: +7  

    • #15.1   Mishee

      Just like I told sizeXS yesterday - the Unitard is “One Size Fits All”!!

      Now put it on and do your time like a big boy, Ryan!!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 9:00 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #15.2   RunBarbara

      we should just get one, giant unitard and make everyone get in all at once.
      then we could hose it down and make them sit, wet, in shame….
      oh god. excuse me. i need to go take care of something…..

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: +16  

       
    • #15.3   Troy McClure

      It’s a unitardis. There’s much more room inside than you would think to look at it.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: +23  

       
    • #15.4   Ryan

      That was very clever of you TC, or should I say - the Good Doctor?

      Also, stop stealing my hay. Thanks!

      Jul 16, 2008 at 1:47 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #16   Kungfu_Kitty

    I’m lurker who is finally breaking her vow of silence thanks to fear;).

    Anyway, glad to know that the government can also write p/a notes in spite to show someone up and look equally bad. Mature!

    Jul 16, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #17   Mishee

    Too bad these notes aren’t in the form of a deeply carved writing.

    That would be awesome.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:01 am   rating: +6  

    • #17.1   Shane

      …and mature.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: +10  

       
     
  • #18   Fla Boy

    And nobody signs their name. Both notes could have come from the same person as an office joke.

    I retired from government work where 70% of the workers carried the 30% loafers. It is the 30% that give government workers a bad reputation.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 9:07 am   rating: +1  

    • #18.1   Canthz_B

      So cool how you never said which camp you were in! ;-)

      Jul 16, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: +7  

       
    • #18.2   claw71

      I think he’s using fuzzy math. I checked with the General Accounting Office and discovered that the administrative wing of the federal workforce is much more complex.

      28% are incompetent nicompoops.
      21% are goldbricks
      20% are loafers (apparently the difference is in the GS number)
      14% are criminally negligent
      12% failed at math
      10% used to care but gave up years ago
      4% care but only when somebody’s watching
      11% cheated at math, lied on their applications and became supervisors.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm   rating: +16  

       
    • #18.3   Numinous

      That’s an excellent example of government math.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #18.4   Mishee

      claw, I suppose your math is where they get the phrase “Give it 120%”

      i love you.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 2:41 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #18.5   Timo

      I am not seeing the percentage for the criminally insane.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #18.6   Gowler

      See how bloated our gov’t has become? It has expanded 20% beyond physical possibility.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 4:22 pm   rating: +6  

       
    • #18.7   Stacy

      Nowhere did Claw say that any one person could only fit into one category. I know several government employees who fit into multiple categories, and a few who don’t fit into any of those categories. The categories obviously overlap, and with the generous leave benefits, there were certainly people absent on survey day. One has to look at each statistic individually.

      Jul 16, 2008 at 8:39 pm   rating: +2