i do, however, have a very charming coat rack

July 17th, 2008 · 150 comments

christoph found this polite and friendly note on the door of his apartment in san francisco. a reasonable enough request, to be sure, except for the fact that — despite his neighbor’s claimed omniscience — “i don’t own any exercise equipment.”

i do, however, have a very charming coat rack

(admits christoph: “it was likely a swivel chair…and my habit of rolling back and forth on it at 2 a.m.”)

meanwhile, kate spotted this lonely stair-climber in the front yard of a nearby house in snohomish, washington. “It made me wonder whose stairmaster it really was,” kate says, “and who wrote the note.” (a newly self-aware infomercial enthusiast? a bitter spouse?)

free coat rack, gently used

alas, kate says, “we may never know. the underused piece of exercise equipment was gone by morning.”

related: if you needed an excuse to skip the gym today
extra credit: the hawaii chair [youtube]

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FILED UNDER: a little patronizing · irregular capitalization · neighbors · noise · san francisco · washington


'Just Say No to Hard Drugs' T-Shirt for Women 'Enough LaBeouf' T-Shirt for Women

150 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Julianne

    I love how it is signed “BB”. As in B(ig) B(rother) can hear everything you do in your bedroom area.

    I lived in an apartment with thin walls once. I knew things about my neighbors that made me want to buy a house :>

    Jul 17, 2008 at 12:36 am   rating: +12  

     
  • #2   Canthz_B

    Exercise equipment gets one to self-awareness much faster than psychotherapy!

    Jul 17, 2008 at 12:41 am   rating: +6  

     
  • #3   Crash

    I wonder if “exercise equipment” is a polite way of saying… bed :lol:

    Jul 17, 2008 at 12:44 am   rating: +34  

     
  • #4   Canthz_B

    I’ve heard of an “out house”.
    How poor do you have to be to only have an “out apartment”?

    Jul 17, 2008 at 12:48 am   rating: +7  

     
  • #5   Crash

    Note #2

    I’m going for spouse sending a serious PAN to the other half…
    Hopefully they got the message 8O

    Jul 17, 2008 at 12:51 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #6   Canthz_B

    If the walls and floors are that thin, why bother with a note?
    Just shout:
    “I can hear everything you do in the privacy of your home and am making an imaginary list of your belongings.”

    or

    “When are you going to screw that red-head again? She was a freak!”

    Jul 17, 2008 at 12:53 am   rating: +62  

     
  • #7   Troy McClure

    EXERCISE iN 20/60

    IF you sleep often get Disturb especially like last night between 1–3 am Caused by exercise marathon 6 times / 2 hrs, wonder if room 20 using drug eg: STEROIDS. We dont want any drug user disturb our sleep in the middle of the night / our peace at all times.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 12:56 am   rating: +9  

     
  • #8   Canthz_B

    You just have to love the redundancy of “2am in the morning”.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 1:02 am   rating: +25  

    • #8.1   amy d

      No I don’t and you can’t make me. :P

      Jul 17, 2008 at 7:23 am   rating: +11  

       
    • #8.2   Kev Orng

      That’s right up there with “ATM Machine” in my books.

      Team Redundancy Team strikes again once more.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 8:39 am   rating: +19  

       
    • #8.3   Joe

      Kev: No, it isn’t. 2am ante meridiem is up there with ATM machine. 2am in the morning is struggling to reach PIN number status.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 8:56 am   rating: +14  

       
    • #8.4   shane

      how about the constant redundancy heard on news stations and everywhere else surrounding 9/11/01 - “the two twin towers”…

      …too soon? :-o

      Jul 17, 2008 at 10:48 am   rating: +9  

       
    • #8.5   ndenunz

      The one that always gets me is HIV virus.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 2:29 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #8.6   The Other Leanne

      And GIS system.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #8.7   amazon

      Pantene is my favorite fortifying fortifier!

      http://www.pantene.com/NA/images/product/US/tr_fdf_treatment.png

      Jul 17, 2008 at 5:28 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #8.8   Canthz_B

      I just found Phisoderm Deep Cleaning Cleanser

      Jul 17, 2008 at 5:47 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #8.9   Moonsilver

      Hot water heater

      Jul 18, 2008 at 3:17 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #8.10   Paintball "Punk"

      I ascended up Mount Fujiyama at 2 A.M. in the morning to take out a withdraw from the ATM machine, but the LCD display stated I entered the wrong PIN number. That made me want to throw the damn thing into the La Brea tar pits.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 4:03 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #8.11   Verboten

      Or else the Rio Grande River. Thought I’d throw that in as an added bonus.

      Jul 23, 2008 at 4:34 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #9   Crash

    Note #2

    Man, if you’re that fat and lazy, and advertising it, maybe I should just wonder inside to see what else is for free…
    You don’t mind, do ya’ ?

    Jul 17, 2008 at 1:07 am   rating: +8  

    • #9.1   Canthz_B

      Just stay away from the kitchen and the pantry! ;-)

      Jul 17, 2008 at 1:12 am   rating: +12  

       
    • #9.2   Crash

      Note writer might get some exercise… 8O

      Jul 17, 2008 at 1:25 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #9.3   Timo

      Is it really necessary to crinkle that plastic wrapper for over an hour?

      Jul 17, 2008 at 9:49 am   rating: +8  

       
    • #9.4   taxman

      Yes

      *crinkle*

      Yeah. That’s the stuff…

      Jul 17, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #10   Canthz_B

    It’s time to admit defeat when you get more exercise putting your stair-master out on the lawn than you ever got by using the darned thing.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 1:11 am   rating: +18  

     
  • #11   SarahBelle

    Stair Master proves its superiority to the human race…yet again.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 1:58 am   rating: +15  

     
  • #12   reece

    I must be a perv or something but the first thing I thought of when I watched the Hawaii chair commercial was if it had a built in vibrator >< It looks so… wow; just wow. That chair is completely inappropriate.

    As for the “stair master” at 2am, I hope BB finds a partner and competes in “stepping” contests with the neighbors . I can just see the pans now.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 3:51 am   rating: +2  

    • #12.1   missnaturalatalent

      had to check out the Hawaii chair… WOW!! is all i can say… i do have to agree.. a vibrator would complete the whole idea… works everything from the rootie to the tootie… and everything in between….

      Jul 18, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #13   Maya

    I think the note from BB is not passive/aggressive at all and actually is quite polite and to the point. Making that kind of noise in an apartment building at 2 am is rude. Maybe you were not aware of the noise you were making, Christoph, but now you should stop. This reminds me of some torturous neighbors I once had.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 4:03 am   rating: +9  

    • #13.1   aaa

      *ahem*

      http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/wtf/

      Jul 17, 2008 at 6:12 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #13.2   GhostWriter

      If the “unbearable noise” that BB’s complaining about is a rolling office chair, I’d have to say, “Suck it up, BB; My taxes are due!”

      Jul 17, 2008 at 8:06 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #13.3   claw71

      It’s not so much rude as it is inconsiderate. Rude is coming in out of the blue to rain on our PAN parade. If you don’t have no snark take your lame ass home.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 8:18 am   rating: +17  

       
    • #13.4   Joe

      I’m anti-Christoph as well. As if his name wasn’t enough, he has the gall to post his neighbor’s note here, ridiculing the false claims of working out at 2am, and encouraging us to join in mocking the fool’s error.

      Then he casually and guiltlessly admits that he still was making the offending noise, just via another means.

      He’s playing us for the fool! Team BB!

      Jul 17, 2008 at 9:03 am   rating: +9  

       
    • #13.5   unholyghost2003

      I don’t know … its not like Christoph ate BB’s delicious bread …

      Jul 17, 2008 at 9:33 am   rating: +8  

       
    • #13.6   Bunnee

      But if he DID, BB would hear him…

      Jul 17, 2008 at 11:15 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #13.7   Woahman

      I wonder if she can hear him clear his microwave? Does the incessant beeping keep her up?

      Jul 17, 2008 at 2:13 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #14   Burghardt

    Why does note #1 make me think of the Police song? “Every word you say, every step you take, I’ll be watching you”

    Jul 17, 2008 at 4:46 am   rating: +3  

    • #14.1   aaa

      That was the first song I included in my stalking-themed playlist.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 6:17 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #14.2   claw71

      Hello is a better stalking song because poor Lionel had no idea how creepy it was.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 8:19 am   rating: +10  

       
    • #14.3   Timo

      The phone call is coming from inside the house!!!

      Jul 17, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: +8  

       
    • #14.4   SarahBelle

      These PANs came from inside the house!!!

      Jul 17, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #15   Burghardt

    Good thing note #2 had a visual aid. Taken alone it sounds like the absolute worst personal ad ever.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 4:48 am   rating: +21  

    • #15.1   claw71

      I can translate that note in to Craigs List if you like:

      Assertive BBW, likes chilling out, seeks Antonio Banderas-looking man for dinner and nights on the couch watching DVDs of “Fat Actress”

      Jul 17, 2008 at 8:23 am   rating: +5  

       
    • #15.2   RunBarbara

      BBW can roughly translate to “fat and polite,
      probably brought you a gift”.

      Curvy=fat and thinks telling people she has no gag reflex is hot

      Thick= fat and got kicked out of a grocery store for sampling

      Jul 17, 2008 at 12:51 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #15.3   Canthz_B

      A Few Extra Lbs. = In Denial

      Jul 17, 2008 at 12:55 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #15.4   RunBarbara

      Big Boned= can beat you up and finish an entire ham in one sitting

      Jul 17, 2008 at 12:58 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #15.5   Canthz_B

      Pleasingly Plump = in search of a chubby-chaser

      Jul 17, 2008 at 3:12 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #15.6   RunBarbara

      Rubenesque= thinks corsets make her look thin, boyfriend active at Ren Fairs

      Jul 17, 2008 at 3:50 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #15.7   anglophile

      What does Fat mean?

      Jul 17, 2008 at 3:57 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #15.8   Canthz_B

      Fat means “Fuck you! I’m eating this and you can’t stop me!”

      Jul 17, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #15.9   Anon

      Fat = low self esteem will ride the pony even if you are drunk and just threw up.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 4:18 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #15.10   Timo

      Can I get her to sit on me and eat a ham whilst beating?

      A Hamburg Hummer.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #15.11   Numinous

      Hey, you don’t have to be overweight to have low self esteem and be willing to “ride the pony” even if you are drunk and just threw up. Most of the college girls are like that, fat or not. (I was going to say all, but some are committed lesbians.)

      Jul 18, 2008 at 8:17 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #15.12   RunBarbara

      and of course by “committed” you mean “does it for attention at frat parties”.

      Jul 18, 2008 at 11:41 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #16   aaa

    #2 reminds me of that commercial for either the exercise equipment or that diet food for people who are too lazy to learn how to eat properly on their own or make their own food, the one where that pig-faced dude says, “I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends.”

    Jul 17, 2008 at 6:04 am   rating: +2  

    • #16.1   Ashley

      I HATE THAT GUY!

      Jul 18, 2008 at 5:04 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #17   aaa

    Note #1

    Of course Cristoph wouldn’t admit to rolling around with a girl (guy?) at 2 am. Admitting such a thing would make him a PERVERT. :O

    If the Big Brother wannabe was really that good at hearing everything he says and does, then you think that they’d know that Cristoph didn’t have any exercise equipment.

    Jul 17, 2008 at 6:10 am   rating: 0  

    • #17.1   reyna ulikba

      exercise equipment = bed

      Jul 17, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #17.2   Canthz_B

      17.1 ≅ 3 ;-)

      Jul 17, 2008 at 12:52 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #17.3   aaa

      in bed at 2 am = poor man’s bench press

      And we all know that poor people don’t count. Ergo, he has no exercise equipment.

      Jul 17, 2008 at 1:34 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #18   GhostWriter

    Did BB ever stop to consider that his/her apartment is located right next to the building’s common stairwell?

    Team Free Christoph!

    Jul 17, 2008 at 8:09 am   rating: +10