The manager of a Florida preschool seems to have a kindred spirit at a Missouri strip club, where our anonymous submitter spotted this note taped to a dressing-room mirror.
Personally, I like the idea of an junior-high-elective-style employment program. (Dance? Restaurant management? Government? You decide!)
related: happy to be of service
187 responses so far ↓
#1
gingerE
Hey… It’s a hand written note. The position of the hands will never change. Should I always be ready for work then?
Jul 20, 2008 at 8:27 pm rating: 15
#2
Delurker
When the big hand is on 1 and the little hand is on 11, it’s time to be ready to undress on stage. You have to undress next to the fry vat at McDonald’s. You pick.
Jul 20, 2008 at 8:29 pm rating: 31
#3
Resident Grammarian esq
But I spent all my tips on a new digital watch.
Jul 20, 2008 at 8:33 pm rating: 25
#4
Canthz_B
What time is it when my little foot is up your big ass?
Jul 20, 2008 at 8:37 pm rating: 51
#5
fantasy
The choice is yours, You can wear a stupid looking, illfitting McDonalds uniform at 4:30 a.m.!
Or not have a dress code at all at 11:00 a.m. plus tips!
I have to say, the idea sounds fucking delicious!
Jul 20, 2008 at 8:41 pm rating: 9
#6
Quite Contrary
I don’t think we’re giving the strip/dance/performance art club manager much credit for his/her advanced management skills. They utilize clear communication to convey an expectation.
I really wish the Fortune 500 company I work for would do the same.
Jul 20, 2008 at 8:53 pm rating: 22
#7
Quite Contrary
However, I already stand corrected. The manager notes that one only needs to be ready to work. It doesn’t mention anything about actually working.
Jul 20, 2008 at 8:55 pm rating: 18
#8
Canthz_B
McDonalol’s sounds like a fun place to be at any hour.
Jul 20, 2008 at 9:13 pm rating: 12
#9
Mishee
Hey now, let’s not knock working at a strip club… that’s how my brother met his wife! (she was the dancer, he the creepy customer)
Jul 20, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: 10
#10
Canthz_B
I was unaware McDonald’s has strippers. I need to get there much earlier than noon apparently!
Jul 20, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: 33
#11
Canthz_B
I’ll bet they get bigger tips when they serve fries with that shake!
Jul 20, 2008 at 9:21 pm rating: 19
#12
snee
i’m a little sad that the double exclamation points weren’t made to look like a happy face.
Jul 20, 2008 at 9:39 pm rating: 4
#13
Beth
What, no clip art?
Jul 20, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 4
#14
Troy McClure
It’s great, isn’t it, to find out that our employers assume if we weren’t working for them, we’d be working at McDonald’s. It goes a long way to explaining how they treat us.
Jul 20, 2008 at 10:04 pm rating: 43
#15
booge
It appears the circle for the clock was stenciled using a round object (see the beginning and end of the circle at 10 o’clock). Truly, this was a well-planned PAN. I’ll go as far as to guess this is not a first draft. Bravo. I am very interested to see the judges reaction on this. Didn’t stick the landing though–no “THNX,” no happy or sad faces, no thinly veiled passive-aggressive statement about understanding, but there are two exclamation points.
Jul 20, 2008 at 10:04 pm rating: 12
#16
zombieBlanco
Please. Baby Julie, start work
When the big hand is on the twelve
And the little hand is on the eleven
And please. Baby Julie, start work
It is time to be ready — you pick
Day shift McDonalds or dancing in heaven
Jul 20, 2008 at 10:57 pm rating: 2
#17
Canthz_B
Time pressure weighing on my head.
But that doesn’t mean my clothes
will not be timely shed.
Frying’s not for me, those
time pressures weighing on my head,
better hurry.
‘Cause there’s one thing I know,
on time my ass I’m showing,
cash guys are throwing.
I won’t wait long for happiness,
my bank account’s growing.
Jul 20, 2008 at 11:11 pm rating: 7
#18
Claire
Does McDonald’s even have a pole in the dining area? How can a girl strut her McStuff? GASP!!! Is there more to the McPlayground than originally thought? Oh, my! This adds a whole new perception to the Happy Meal idea!!!!
And do strippers really learn more if there is a helpful visual aid? Is this the manager’s idea of a company meeting? Guess it saves money on providing doughnuts.
And how long does it take to get into an outfit you are just going to wriggle out of in a little anyway?
Jul 21, 2008 at 12:05 am rating: 4
#19
Canthz_B
Shouldn’t that read: “…it is time to be ready to work it!“?
Jul 21, 2008 at 3:06 am rating: 21
#20
ama
what about when the Big hand is down my g-string?
Jul 21, 2008 at 7:19 am rating: 21
#21
Holiday Djinn
I think these ladies would probably go for the night shift behind McDonalds rather than the day shift in McDonalds.
Jul 21, 2008 at 7:22 am rating: 4
#22
ama
I like to think the beginning of the sign says “Tiny Shift Dancers”…
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the minutes on the wall
Jul 21, 2008 at 7:30 am rating: 8
#23
RALPHY
I wonder if both places have a simular employee benefit of “all you can eat”. If so, screw the golden arches. Now what did I do with that application?
Jul 21, 2008 at 7:41 am rating: 2
#24
Paula
Very good Idea.
Jul 21, 2008 at 8:08 am rating: 0
#25
claw71
When the big hand is on your ass and the little hand keeps pinching your left boob it’s time to reevaluate your career choice.
Jul 21, 2008 at 8:24 am rating: 19
#26
GhostWriter
I make a motion to deduct points because the note is posted on a mirror in a strip club dressing room, and yet- we have no collateral images to enjoy.
Is that cleavage at the bottom of the pic?
Jul 21, 2008 at 9:31 am rating: 7
#27
Holiday Djinn
Tomorrow one of the dancers should start her routine on staged dressed as a McDonalds crew member! O.0
Jul 21, 2008 at 9:35 am rating: 6
#28
GhostWriter
You know, the note can’t be talking about 11:00 at night- of course the girls are working by then. It’s a snippy note for them to come out looking their best at 11 AM, for the brunch time crew (i.e., nobody).
This club owner seems like a bastard. I’ll bet the girls work for ‘tips only”.
Let’s go, girls- I wanna see a show whether or not there’s a paying customer in my club!”
Jul 21, 2008 at 9:50 am rating: 1
#29
GhostWriter
It’s worse than it seems. Rico, the Assistant Day Manager, enjoys calling his prick the “Big Hand of God” He painted a clockface on his stool up in the DJ booth. All the dancers fear the sound of his raspy voice crackling over the PA; “Cassandra, it’s eleven o’clock- please get ready to work the DJ booth…”
What about the “Little Hand”? That’s his buddy Bupi, a depraved midget, who sits on his lap. I told you it was worse than it seems.
Jul 21, 2008 at 10:33 am rating: 3
#30
Timo
” Let’s give a big hand to Cassandra as she gets ready to rock you.”
*wheezing sound of oxygen going into Billy Pilgrim sitting on his rascal scooter.*
Jul 21, 2008 at 10:42 am rating: 3
#31
Chloe
Stripping or McDonald’s? These are my choices?
Jul 21, 2008 at 10:45 am rating: 3
#32
Nix
How ’bout a nice big slice of condescension to go with those fries?
Jul 21, 2008 at 10:50 am rating: 2
#33
stephizzal
i love how even a strip club uses mcdonalds as a threatening example of the worst possible employment you can find yourself in…
Jul 21, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: 15
#34
claw71
It had never dawned on the day shift strippers that other employment existed until Fat Mike posted a sarcastic sign regarding the start time of the lunch show…a show that never produced significant tips because men don’t part with their money as readily when they’re sober and due back at work in 35 minutes. Katie Kanyon brought some applications in with a lunch order and they filled them out between acts. You can imagine Fat Mike’s surprise when each and every one of his day shift dancers quit and took jobs at McDonalds.
Of course it didn’t work out so well for the strippers. Things went well for a while but the sexual tension continued to build. Not from Ronald, who happened to be a pedophile (as is the case with most clowns) nor did Mayor McCheese, a staunch conservative with a penchant for guy-on-guy bathroom sex, violate the code of conduct. No, at first it was the mildly retarded Grimace who made things uncomfortable by constantly harassing the strippers. It started with innocent hugs that lasted just a bit too long and ended with an unapproved addition to the special sauce courtesy of Grimace’s gigantic purple penis.
He was fired but not before people were put off enough to boycott McDonalds. With no kids coming around Ronald had to enroll in seminary which had a horrible affect on Hamburglar whose criminal behavior quickly escalated from petty burger theft to felonious assault and car jacking. In fact it was a bold robbery attempt at the drive through window that resulted in Hamburglar shooting a police officer in the face and taking Mayor McCheese hostage. Snipers eventually took Hamburglar out but chaos was already under way.
The strippers refused to accept responsibility for any of it and thwarted an effort to terminate their employment by filing a sexual discrimination lawsuit. McDonaldland was out of control but in the end it was the strippers who paid the price. With the authority figures gone or rendered impotent by legal injunctions the McNugget Bunch and the Happy Meal Gang ran wild and one morning, while reporting to work for that 4:30am start the strippers found themselves cornered by a mob of unruly anthropized food products.
As she found herself being held down by Fry Guys while a Shamrock Shake violated her repeatedly with his straw. Katie Kanyon wondered if women would ever be respected for their minds and not objectified for their bodies.
Jul 21, 2008 at 11:14 am rating: 28
#35
Clickums
So the clock tells what time the day shift starts for the pole dancing – but what time does the Champagne Room open up? I’m alllll about BOOM BOOM IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM! F%cking Delicious!
Jul 21, 2008 at 12:25 pm rating: 0
#36
itmustbeken
I would eat fast food again if the place was staffed by ex-strippers.
It gives ‘work the deep fryer’ a whole ‘nother meaning.
Jul 21, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: 2
#37
dana
i, personally, am loving the american analog set reference in the title.
Jul 21, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: 2
#38
claw71
To the tune of the circa 1980 McDonalds jingle
Big Tits
Smells like Fish
Jiggly Bootie
Fat Guys
Body Guards
Expensive drinks
repressed gays
and timmed hair pies
You deserve some ass today, so get up and make your way
To McDonalds…we really do it all for you.
Jul 21, 2008 at 1:03 pm rating: 5
#39
Timo
It is fun watching fireworks.
Jul 21, 2008 at 1:09 pm rating: 0
#40
NoPunIntended
And when the big hand is touching the little hand?
Chris Hansen from To Catch A Predator shows up and you are majorly fucked.
Jul 21, 2008 at 1:16 pm rating: 11
#41
aaa
Kids, this is the reason why you go to college. Even an associate’s degree will let you keep your clothes on and avoid deep fryers at 4:30 am.
Jul 21, 2008 at 3:40 pm rating: 2
#42
secondsout
McDonald’s wasn’t hiring. Why do you think these girls resorted to working for your sleazy ass at 11am for the early shift at some divy strip club with sticky floors?
Jul 21, 2008 at 4:10 pm rating: 0
#43
Holiday Djinn
It may be a good career move for these ladies You never know who at McDonalds wants a shake with their fries!
Jul 21, 2008 at 4:38 pm rating: 0
#44
pistola
What a tough decision, get out of work at 1pm smelling like fry fries and apple pies or leave work at 2am smelling like coco butter and shame.
Jul 21, 2008 at 4:42 pm rating: 4
#45
secondsout
I want to know more about the anonymous submitter.
Was it:
a) One of the strippers?
b) Some lucky guy who got a special tour of the dressing room?
c) A janitor who hates his job, given that he has to be there to clean up the aforementioned sticky floors?
d) Some sleazy dude who got into the dressing room for a couple minutes before the security guards hauled him out?
e) The strip club owner himself, bragging about what an asshole he is to the girls who take off their clothes to make him money?
f) Santa Claus? That dude knows how to get in anywhere!
g) A headhunter from Hamburger University?
h) One stripper’s parole officer, checking to make sure she was at work when she was supposed to be?
Jul 21, 2008 at 4:58 pm rating: 8
#46
Canthz_B
All-natural titties,
Special sauce,
Let us please,
Tickled minions,
Open sesame fun!
Jul 21, 2008 at 6:02 pm rating: 4
#47
se
IMHO, the writer of this note is not the manager. As GW pointed out and I agreed, these managers are usually bastards, no way they write note like this.
This was written by one of the dancers who always arrives on time, then gets stuck taking the first routine and since it is only 11 AM, doesn’t make very much, if any money, while the girl who is late gets to walk on somewhere near peak earning time.
Jul 21, 2008 at 6:38 pm rating: 1
#48
Violet
What I love is the assumption that McDonalds is the obvious alternative.
*rolley eyes*
And this is why I don’t club dance anymore.
Jul 22, 2008 at 9:12 pm rating: 0
#49
MJ
While I find this note extremely amusing, trying to get cokewhores with baby daddy drama to work on time is just a futile task.
Jul 23, 2008 at 1:02 pm rating: 0
#50
Soon and very soon
Aren’t you pretty inside too Jamesie…
“When his left hand is on your shoulder, and his right hand is on top of your head….you are getting a better tip.”
Birds of a feather… pigeons… filthy birds… in desperate need of a good clipping… come to momma “Razorkiss”… hope you’re not bothered by poor puctuation and grammar… we all know how you doctors of theology can be about that sort of thing.
Jul 24, 2008 at 5:10 pm rating: 0
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