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american analog threat

July 20th, 2008 · 187 comments

the manager of a florida preschool seems to have a kindred spirit at a missouri strip club, where our anonymous submitter spotted this note taped to a dressing-room mirror.

american analog threat

personally, i like the idea of an junior-high-elective-style employment program. (dance? restaurant management? government? you decide!)

related: happy to be of service

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FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · mcdonalds · missouri · not-so-veiled threats · now that's management · visual aids



187 responses so far ↓

  • #1   gingerE

    Hey… It’s a hand written note. The position of the hands will never change. Should I always be ready for work then?

    Jul 20, 2008 at 8:27 pm   rating: +15  

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  • #2   Delurker

    When the big hand is on 1 and the little hand is on 11, it’s time to be ready to undress on stage. You have to undress next to the fry vat at McDonald’s. You pick.

    Jul 20, 2008 at 8:29 pm   rating: +28  

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    • #2.1   Lauraebk

      When his left hand is on your shoulder, and his right hand is on top of your head….you are getting a better tip.

      Jul 23, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: +8  

       
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  • #3   Resident Grammarian esq

    But I spent all my tips on a new digital watch.

    Jul 20, 2008 at 8:33 pm   rating: +22  

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  • #4   Canthz_B

    What time is it when my little foot is up your big ass?

    Jul 20, 2008 at 8:37 pm   rating: +47  

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    • #4.1   snee

      party time?

      Jul 20, 2008 at 9:40 pm   rating: +6  

       

    • #4.2   amazon

      Peanut butter jelly time?

      Jul 20, 2008 at 10:12 pm   rating: +36  

       

    • #4.3   snee

      time for a lucite-platform-shoe extraction?

      Jul 20, 2008 at 11:20 pm   rating: +9  

       

    • #4.4   fewfallup

      time to tip?

      Jul 20, 2008 at 11:49 pm   rating: +4  

       

    • #4.5   SarahBelle

      When the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 11 and the seconds hand is on the 5.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 12:45 am   rating: +2  

       

    • #4.6   Timo

      I think I love Amazon too.
      Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!

      Jul 21, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: +3  

       

    • #4.7   Mishee

      Miller Time….

      Jul 21, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: +3  

       

    • #4.8   Uh Huh

      Time to move it to the VIP room!

      Jul 22, 2008 at 9:45 am   rating: +3  

       
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  • #5   fantasy

    The choice is yours, You can wear a stupid looking, illfitting McDonalds uniform at 4:30 a.m.!

    Or not have a dress code at all at 11:00 a.m. plus tips!

    I have to say, the idea sounds fucking delicious! ;)

    Jul 20, 2008 at 8:41 pm   rating: +9  

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    • #5.1   snee

      mcfucking delicious?

      Jul 21, 2008 at 12:44 am   rating: +18  

       

    • #5.2   Mishee

      fantasy, I’d have to say you have a dress code now… just because you are a beloved regular doesn’t make you exempt from the Unitard!! :)

      Jul 21, 2008 at 9:25 am   rating: +3  

       

    • #5.3   fantasy

      Mishee, I was saying that NUDITY is fucking delicious…..doesn’t that give me extra credit?

      Jul 21, 2008 at 3:58 pm   rating: +2  

       

    • #5.4   secondsout

      “Delicious” sounds like the name of one of the employees at this strip club. One of these days, she’s going to wander onto this site, and be horrified as to the rumors, and to the sheer list of all the people she’s rumored to banged.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: +6  

       

    • #5.5   Mishee

      She quite possibly could be sout - wasn’t one of Flava Flav’s “women” named Delicious? Wasn’t she the one who shat on the rug?

      Jul 21, 2008 at 5:04 pm   rating: +3  

       

    • #5.6   Timo

      Unholy crap Mishee I do believe you are correct!

      Jul 21, 2008 at 5:15 pm   rating: +1  

       

    • #5.7   Mishee

      I think she did that because she read somewhere that toilets give off this invisible mist when flushed, so she found the hallway carpet to be a much more habitable environment!

      And as an added bonus, it was nowhere near her toothbrush!!

      Jul 21, 2008 at 5:26 pm   rating: +8  

       

    • #5.8   Mark

      I think the handwritten clock on this PAN is way too ghetto for Flava Flav to wear. There’s no gold! Flava don’t wear no papah.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 5:31 pm   rating: +4  

       

    • #5.9   secondsout

      The fact that Flavor Flav has seven children tells me that Darwin didn’t quite have it right, and that natural selection doesn’t always do its job.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 5:34 pm   rating: +4  

       

    • #5.10   claw71

      No S’out natural selection tries to do its job but people get in the way. We have laws that mandate child seats and bike helmets for kids. Why not let people make the choice? Smart people buckle up, idiots fly through windshields. What’s wrong with that?

      The problem isn’t when stupid animals breed, it’s when the offspring makes it to sexual maturity. In nature, stupid alligators accidentally eat their babies and Pandas roll over on their cubs. In society Britney drops her ugly kid and some assistant is there to catch him. So in four years Sean P will probably sire a kid, most likely by his mom, and the oblong circle of moronic life will continue.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 5:58 pm   rating: +13  

       

    • #5.11   secondsout

      To curb the overpopulation of dogs and cats, we have them spayed or neutered. Couldn’t anyone have neutered Flavor Flav?

      Jul 21, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  

       

    • #5.12   Canthz_B

      There was a time… :-(

      Jul 21, 2008 at 6:55 pm   rating: 0  

       

    • #5.13   Burghardt

      Dog the Bounty Hunter has 12 children. (Would we call that a litter?) 12 for the Dog, 0 for General Washington - no wonder our nation is where it is…

      Jul 21, 2008 at 11:24 pm   rating: +1  

       

    • #5.14   Canthz_B

      Geo. Washington had plenty of children.

      Now Martha on the other hand…

      Jul 22, 2008 at 2:18 am   rating: +4  

       

    • #5.15   Burghardt

      Fine, 0 legitimate children for Gen. Washington.

      Martha came to the marriage with children, lest we forget , the first First Family was a blended one. Go us!

      Jul 22, 2008 at 2:45 am   rating: +1  

       

    • #5.16   sprucemoose

      At the club where I worked we had a “Candy,” a “Sugar,” an “Angel,” and a “Breeze.” Breeze’s real name was Charles.

      Jul 25, 2008 at 1:46 am   rating: +1  

       
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  • #6   Quite Contrary

    I don’t think we’re giving the strip/dance/performance art club manager much credit for his/her advanced management skills. They utilize clear communication to convey an expectation.

    I really wish the Fortune 500 company I work for would do the same.

    Jul 20, 2008 at 8:53 pm   rating: +21  

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  • #7   Quite Contrary

    However, I already stand corrected. The manager notes that one only needs to be ready to work. It doesn’t mention anything about actually working.

    Jul 20, 2008 at 8:55 pm   rating: +18  

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    • #7.1   Wade

      I was just about to make that same comment, QC, but I was too late. The big hand was already on the 7.

      Jul 20, 2008 at 9:07 pm   rating: +7  

       
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  • #8   Canthz_B

    McDonalol’s sounds like a fun place to be at any hour.

    Jul 20, 2008 at 9:13 pm   rating: +12  

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    • #8.1   shane

      To paraphrase a great movie line: “They are McDonalol’s, we’re McDowell’s. We go the golden arcs, they got the golden :-D s.”

      Jul 20, 2008 at 9:39 pm   rating: +7  

       

    • #8.2   Canthz_B

      “For the right price we’ve got the Golden Showers!”

      Jul 20, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: +18  

       

    • #8.3   fink

      Golden Grillz?

      Jul 21, 2008 at 2:59 pm   rating: 0  

       
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  • #9   Mishee

    Hey now, let’s not knock working at a strip club… that’s how my brother met his wife! (she was the dancer, he the creepy customer)

    Jul 20, 2008 at 9:15 pm   rating: +10  

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  • #10   Canthz_B

    I was unaware McDonald’s has strippers. I need to get there much earlier than noon apparently!

    Jul 20, 2008 at 9:18 pm   rating: +33  

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    • #10.1   Nate

      There are some REALLY ugly people working at McDonald’s. be careful!

      Jul 20, 2008 at 10:41 pm   rating: +2  

       

    • #10.2   Canthz_B

      Yeah, but have you tried the McSlut sandwich?

      Jul 20, 2008 at 10:59 pm   rating: +7  

       

    • #10.3   Mishee

      Yeah CB, it tasted like the Filet o’ Fish…

      Jul 20, 2008 at 11:36 pm   rating: +27  

       

    • #10.4   Canthz_B

      Filet?

      Mine included a boner too bone or two!

      Jul 20, 2008 at 11:40 pm   rating: +15  

       

    • #10.5   Timo

      I bet they have crab cakes too.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 9:20 am   rating: +13  

       

    • #10.6   GhostWriter

      Stay away from the McMuffin with cheese…

      Jul 21, 2008 at 9:55 am   rating: +14  

       

    • #10.7   Kev Orng

      Yeah, but McDonald’s doesn’t have a lick-her licence.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: +15  

       
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  • #11   Canthz_B

    I’ll bet they get bigger tips when they serve fries with that shake!

    Jul 20, 2008 at 9:21 pm   rating: +19  

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  • #12   snee

    i’m a little sad that the double exclamation points weren’t made to look like a happy face.

    Jul 20, 2008 at 9:39 pm   rating: +4  

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  • #13   Beth

    What, no clip art?

    Jul 20, 2008 at 9:59 pm   rating: +4  

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  • #14   Troy McClure

    It’s great, isn’t it, to find out that our employers assume if we weren’t working for them, we’d be working at McDonald’s. It goes a long way to explaining how they treat us.

    Jul 20, 2008 at 10:04 pm   rating: +43  

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    • #14.1   amazon

      Troy works at a strip club? Neat!

      Jul 20, 2008 at 10:09 pm   rating: +5  

       

    • #14.2   snee

      i thought i saw him up there licking the pole!

      Jul 20, 2008 at 10:15 pm   rating: +5  

       

    • #14.3   Troy McClure

      :) You know you want me baby!

      No, I meant, strip clubs, US government, and everything in between. (However much that encompasses.)

      Jul 20, 2008 at 11:50 pm   rating: +2  

       

    • #14.4   Sirius

      I think that’s actually a pretty small arc, Troy! :-)

      Jul 21, 2008 at 1:59 am   rating: +3  

       

    • #14.5   Troy McClure

      Probably true, Sirius. Anyone remember Jeff Gannon?

      Jul 21, 2008 at 3:12 am   rating: +1  

       

    • #14.6   Timo

      Jeff “Bulldog” Gannon; Male prostitute?

      Jul 21, 2008 at 9:29 am   rating: +1  

       

    • #14.7   Mishee

      I thought Gannon was Friday’s partner…. until he was shipped off to Korea that is…

      Jul 21, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: +2  

       

    • #14.8   Timo

      Good ol’ Bill Gannon. Nice guy but really into eating weird stuff. He made Colonel in Korea I think.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: +2  

       

    • #14.9   Mishee

      I believe he also changed his name, just to escape Joe Friday… that guy is relentless!

      Jul 21, 2008 at 11:59 am   rating: +3  

       

    • #14.10   Timo

      I KNOW! Do not invite him to a party, such a buzzkill. Worst barman ever!

      “Is that… vodka… and wheat grass? “

      Jul 21, 2008 at 12:14 pm   rating: +2  

       

    • #14.11   Mishee

      He talks alot like Marc Summers does on Unwrapped… I can’t STAND his misplaced pauses and weird accentuations…. it’s just fucking weird!

      Jul 21, 2008 at 12:19 pm   rating: +3  

       

    • #14.12   Timo

      He is annoying. Guy Fieri is the one that really annoys the piss outta me. The frosted hair he looks more like Cagney than some guy named Guy.

      Jul 21, 2008 at 12:38 pm   rating: +3  

       

    • #14.13   Jahzzie

      Troy, if you’re working at a strip club, there aren’t many choices left. Unless you’re “paying off your student loans”

      Jul 21, 2008 at 2:47 pm   rating: +1  

       
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  • #15   booge

    It appears the circle for the clock was stenciled using a round object (see the beginning and end of the circle at 10 o’clock). Truly, this was a well-planned PAN. I’ll go as far as to guess this is not a first draft. Bravo. I am very interested to see the judges reaction on this. Didn’t stick the landing though–no “THNX,” no happy or sad faces, no thinly veiled passive-aggressive statement about understanding, but there are two exclamation points.

    Jul 20, 2008 at 10:04 pm   rating: +12  

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