Al Gore knows you drove when you could have taken your new bicycle

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An Inconvenient Threat

July 21st, 2008 · 239 comments

Kendall was waiting for her peach perfection at the Jamba Juice in Elmhurst, Illinois when she spotted this note on the napkin-holder. Writes Kendall: “I guess it’s their passive-aggressive way of saying, ‘take fewer napkins, a**hole!’”

A tip for would-be internet meme-mongers: as of this writing, algoreknowshowmanynapkinsyoutake.com is still available. (What are you waiting for? apparently, these days they’re handing out book deals to any idiot with a blog!)

UPDATE 10/12/09: A copycat is on the loose in Milwaukee, Wisconsin! (As spotted by Paul in Nebraska)

UPDATE 9/24/10: Another real-world homage! This time, from an office in Los Angeles. (It took two years for this to spread to the West Coast? Really?)

related: The audacity of theft

extra credit: isyournewbicycle.com

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · guilt trip · Illinois · politics · shameless meme-mongering · The Earth

239 responses so far ↓

#1 Peter Myers

Live Green. Vote Green. http://www.myersforcalifornia.com

(Unlike other politicians, leaving the first comment is the dirtiest campaign trick I have in my book, so be nice.)

Jul 21, 2008 at 11:58 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #1.1 eenongelukkigegroenetrol
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:30 am rating: 90
- #1.2 Canthz_B
  
  Politicians sure love green…the Long Green.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:34 am rating: 90
- #1.3 Burghardt
  
  How about, Keep your Green ($). Live free of people judging you for how many napkins you use.
  
  Now you’ve got my vote.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:37 am rating: 90
- #1.4 Troy McClure
  
  If Gore can tell how many napkins Kendall takes,
  The time is right to stop, slow down, put on the brakes.
  Unlimited resources we do not possess.
  Don’t take that seventh napkin. Make a bit less mess!
  Don’t blithely drive around till all the oil is burnt,
  Till it’s so obvious that even Bush has learnt.
  Instead of SUVs with inlaid ivory,
  Blood-diamond panes and panda-fur upholstery,
  Try cycling. Half the time, it’s faster anyway.
  (Does Gore know who it was who took that horse’s hay?
  But I digress.) My point is, if he knows or not,
  The sea level is rising and it’s getting hot.
  So get some solar panels and, whatever else you do,
  Wait till it really stinks before you flush the loo.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:06 am rating: 90
- #1.5 globalnole
  
  If its yellow let it mellow.
  It its brown, flush it down.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:13 am rating: 90
- #1.6 bob wong
  
  If it’s green, change your brand of beer.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:27 am rating: 90
- #1.7 Troy McClure
  
  If it’s red, you’ll soon be dead.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:36 am rating: 90
- #1.8 Canthz_B
  
  If it’s blue, that cocaine was pure!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:54 am rating: 90
- #1.9 amazon
  
  I don’t know if I’m at a point in my life yet where I’d be willing to vote for a candidate younger than myself.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:54 am rating: 90
- #1.10 Joe
  
  bob wong and CB: You’re doing it wrong. Yellow, mellow; brown, down; red, dead. Rhyming is the way to go.
  
  If it’s orange, …um…crap.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 8:29 am rating: 90
- #1.11 shane
  
  @#1 – I think being a politician qualifies as a dirty trick….
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:04 am rating: 90
- #1.12 Grade Ape
  
  Of course now-a-days all you hear about is politicians turning dirty tricks.
  
  Or soliciting filthy, dirty, shameful tricks…
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: 90
- #1.13 Canthz_B
  
  Don’t tell me this guy has a “wide stance” too!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:28 pm rating: 90
- #1.14 secondsout
  
  I think all the dirty tricks were the customers from yesterday’s posting, who would be affected by the dancers showing up late.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:30 pm rating: 90
- #1.15 aaa
  
  Leaving the first comment a dirty trick? Uh, no.
  
  Besides, being a politician means waiving your right to have people be nice to you. You should know that.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:36 pm rating: 90
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#2 zombieBlanco

But does he know if it’s best to leave the toilet lid up or down?

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:00 am rating: 90

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#3 piglet

congrats on the book deal! that is awesome.

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:07 am rating: 90

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#4 Resident Grammarian esq

Well then I’ll take a few extra so he can have a proper sample size.

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:07 am rating: 90

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#5 Burghardt

wow, this puts Al Gore’s creepiness up there with Santa Claus and the transgender locker room janitor. Stop breathing down my neck and let me drink my stinkin’ smoothie.

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:09 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Martin Heidegger
  
  Why was the janitor creepy… just because they were trans?
  
  Honestly, we’re not all that scary, I promise.
  
  Now, *janitors* on the other hand…
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:14 pm rating: 90
- #5.2 reyna ulikba
  
  Freak omnicient beings remind me of the songs “eternal flame” and police’s “every breath you take.”
  
  Creepy, yeah, but that won’t stop me from taking a few extra napkins.
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 12:25 am rating: 90
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#6 Canthz_B

Al Gore knows if you’re wearing clean underwear.

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:11 am rating: 90

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- #6.1 zombieBlanco
  
  Al Gore knows if you floss your teeth.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:14 am rating: 90
- #6.2 Canthz_B
  
  Al Gore knows your period is irregular and you really needed every napkin in the joint. Al Gore forgives you, my child.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:22 am rating: 90
- #6.3 zombieBlanco
  
  Al Gore knows you’ve been spending too much time calculating my moon phases.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:27 am rating: 90
- #6.4 fink
  
  He knows if you’ve been naughty or nice.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:15 am rating: 90
- #6.5 Al
  
  Has anyone ever seen Santa and Al Gore in the same place at the same time? Just a thought…
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: 90
- #6.6 Sadi
  
  Have you seen Al Gore and Sandra in the same room?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:24 am rating: 90
- #6.7 Mishee
  
  At this point, Al Gore is starting to sound just as effin awesome as Chuck Norris!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: 90
- #6.8 Timo
  
  inside Al Gore stiff suit is another little Al Gore.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:27 pm rating: 90
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#7 Miss Unloop

Maybe they are using those napkins to plug up the hole in the ozone layer…

The inconvenient truth is that those restaurant napkins just aren’t that darned absorbent!

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:13 am rating: 90

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#8 Miss Unloop

I used those napkins stuffing my cheeks for my Godfather impression.

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:13 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #8.1 Kev Orng
  
  Make me a smoothie I can’t refuse.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 90
- #8.2 Miss Unloop
  
  The napkins sleep with the fishes.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 10:04 pm rating: 90
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#9 Anonymoose

Al Gore may not have invented the internet, but he did invent global warming.

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: 90

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- #9.1 GuckFore
  
  http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/al-gore-didnt-invent-the-internet-but-he-did-make-up-global-warming/
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:02 am rating: 90
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#10 Miss Unloop

God, I hope Al Gore doesn’t keep track of how much toilet paper we use too…

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:19 am rating: 90

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- #10.1 Sadi
  
  See Casey in Human Resources.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:25 pm rating: 90
- #10.2 Blue Canary
  
  No, that’s Sheryl Crow’s mandate.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 5:06 pm rating: 90
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#11 Kev Orng

Maybe, but Dick Cheney is monitoring your email

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:21 am rating: 90

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- #11.1 Canthz_B
  
  Death wears that big hood because Dick Cheney shot him in the face for taking his pet vulture.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:27 am rating: 90
- #11.2 AuntyBron
  
  He also has a gun and ain’t afraid to use it.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:24 am rating: 90
- #11.3 shane
  
  I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than ride in a car with Ted Kennedy
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:02 am rating: 90
- #11.4 Canthz_B
  
  I’d rather work at McDonald’s than do either!
  Besides Teddy doesn’t drive anymore, but Cheney is still armed and dangerous.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:08 am rating: 90
- #11.5 Kev Orng
  
  I think we can all agree that all politicians (and for that matter, all people) are in some way undesirable and/or antisocial and have certain secrets in their past and shoot people in the face, and then we can all move on and get along.
  
  No… wait… my mistake. Only Cheney shoots people in the face. Cheney and maybe Darth Sidious.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:20 am rating: 90
- #11.6 Canthz_B
  
  No wait…Cheney shot the guy in the face and a few days later the guy he shot apologized to Cheney for causing him trouble!
  Now if that’s not the dark side in action, I don’t know what is!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:38 am rating: 90
- #11.7 Heisa the Horrible
  
  Yup and only Teddy drowned his mistress then walked away without getting help.
  
  ….but that’s really not the point of this story.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:45 am rating: 90
- #11.8 Kev Orng
  
  Teddy’s mistress was actually an alien trying to infiltrate the US government, and when he realized it, he did what he had to do.
  
  Dubya had a similar encounter, except he married her.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:53 am rating: 90
- #11.9 Canthz_B
  
  LOL, you say that like it was a premeditated murder, not a car accident and cover-up.
  Teddy was a kid, he got scared and left the scene of an accident. I cannot comment further because I’ve never tried to rescue someone in a sunken car in the dark. Have you?
  
  Cheney is the man whose judgement we are supposed to rely on if something should happen to the President.
  
  ….but that’s really not the point of this story.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:04 pm rating: 90
- #11.10 Heisa the Horrible
  
  good thing, too. She’s much hotter than Tipper.
  
  perhaps future popular votes should be centered around the first lady’s looks. the ballot options should read:
  
  CHECK ONLY ONE:
  ( ) I’d hit it
  ( ) I’d hit it with a baseball bat
  
  …and covering up is as bad as if it had been premeditated. End result was the same.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: 90
- #11.11 Kev Orng
  
  Heisa, that makes almost as much sense as your Electoral College system, so why the heck not?
  
  Hey, If Darth Cheney and Darth Benedict were to get in a lightsabre fight, who would win?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:12 pm rating: 90
- #11.12 Heisa the Horrible
  
  No one. Darth Gore would declare it ‘inconvenient’ for such energy waste as a lightsabre fight.
  
  @Canthz – 37 is hardly the age to still consider Teddy a kid.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:16 pm rating: 90
- #11.13 Canthz_B
  
  Our system is not based solely on end result, Heisa.
  The most Teddy would have gotten, assuming wrong-doing, is negligent manslaughter or something. Premeditated murder is Murder in the First Degree.
  So you see, my friend, death does not a murder make.
  
  To a politician 37 is very young. They have been known to have “Youthful Indiscretions in their 50′s.
  
  Sorry everyone…I’m off-topic.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: 90
- #11.14 Kev Orng
  
  CB, I’m sure you could have worked napkins in there one way or another.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:34 pm rating: 90
- #11.15 Heisa the Horrible
  
  Conceded: my intention was not to declare premeditation the same as covering up, only that death was the result of bad judgment and unwillingness to do the right thing.
  
  TK had a horrible driving record prior. After he drove into the water and got out, he passed FOUR houses with lights on and not once did he stop and ask for help – the girl had no chance to survive.
  
  All I’m saying is at least Cheney got him some help and the guy survived.
  
  Sorry everyone for the off topic as well.
  
  *waves 1.5 white napkins for a treaty
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:46 pm rating: 90
- #11.16 Kev Orng
  
  I was going to see the Dark Knight but they made Heath Ledger’s mouth look like Laura Bush’s, and that’s just freakin’ me out!
  
  edit: aggh, you changed the part of your comment I was referring to!
  
  Nothing personal, I just like making fun of the freaky blow-up doll.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: 90
- #11.17 Heisa the Horrible
  
  yea, tried to work the napkins back in. My bad.
  
  When you do watch it, look for Al Gore’s cameo as a burn victim.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: 90
- #11.18 Canthz_B
  
  Maybe, but it’s ridiculous to make the assumption that she would have survived if Teddy had stopped at the first house, if the residents could be awakened, if someone were able to get to her in a timely fashion, if someone knew how to treat a drowning victim.
  Mary Jo is dead and lots of people have drowned in their cars since then with no one prosecuted because they saved their own skin and did not jump back into the water to win hero status.
  
  Not saying he did anything right…just saying give the guy a break, you weren’t there. Many people have panicked under far less stressful conditions.
  
  If I had a napkin for every time I’ve said that, Al Gore would have my hide!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:16 pm rating: 90
- #11.19 Heisa the Horrible
  
  White flag (napkin) already raised, point already conceded, subject already changed, horse already dead.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:43 pm rating: 90
- #11.20 Kev Orng
  
  Heisa, are you related to Dr Horrible? Cause that would be awesome.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:08 pm rating: 90
- #11.21 Heisa the Horrible
  
  yes. Who do you think taught him to sing?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:15 pm rating: 90
- #11.22 Kev Orng
  
  “With my freeze ray, I will stop… the pain…”
  
  That was beautiful. I’m all verklempt again.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:29 pm rating: 90
- #11.23 secondsout
  
  I figured Heisa was part of Hagar’s family. If so, can you tell Hagar to start producing funny comic strips? “Hagar the Horrible” lives up to its name, if it’s referring to the quality of the strip.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:37 pm rating: 90
- #11.24 Kev Orng
  
  But he has a pet duck! DUCKS ARE FUNNY, DAMMIT!!
  
  But Freeze rays are funnier still, so forget Hagar.
  Dr. Horrible is better
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:40 pm rating: 90
- #11.25 Mishee
  
  Yes, Howard was a funny duck!
  
  If I had a pet duck, I would name him Howard.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:41 pm rating: 90
- #11.26 Kev Orng
  
  Yeah, I think any word with both a D and a K in it is inherently funny.
  Or a hard C for that matter. Hence, Cod.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:16 pm rating: 90
- #11.27 Grade Ape
  
  So what if your beloved Teddy Kennedy had gone up to the nearest house with lights on? You know what would have happened? He would have been shot in the face and we’d be right back around to square 1.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 5:05 pm rating: 90
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#12 Canthz_B

So I took a few extra napkins.
There are plenty more in Al Gore’s lock-box. Right next to the dirty pictures of Tipper!

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:39 am rating: 90

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- #12.1 Holiday Djinn
  
  God that is a horrible image!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 7:20 am rating: 90
- #12.2 Timo
  
  I can’t help but think of her at the PMRC hearings. The only dirty picture I can imagine that would be in there would be of her in full Kiss regalia with a giant strap-on riding a gas guzzling machine. Oh poor Al’s shameful secret.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 9:19 am rating: 90
- #12.3 Canthz_B
  
  The button-up types are the real freaks, Timo.
  They lock-up all of that sexual energy all day and explode like TNT at night!
  
  Try a librarian!!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:12 am rating: 90
- #12.4 Kev Orng
  
  I think dirty pictures of Laura Bush would scare me: “Holy crap, it’s not just her mouth that’s stuck in a xanax-botox induced Stepford smile!”
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:23 am rating: 90
- #12.5 Mishee
  
  I’m in accounting… does that count CB?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:26 am rating: 90
- #12.6 Timo
  
  AIEEEEEE! What the hell is that!?!?
  
  *points at alien like toothy Laura Bush hoohaw*
  
  It’s seen me save yourself!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:31 am rating: 90
- #12.7 Canthz_B
  
  I’ve been calling her a Stepford Wife since 1999!!
  She has that creepy “I’m listening to voices right now” look! *shiver*
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:32 am rating: 90
- #12.8 Mishee
  
  at least she isn’t laughing at the jokester voices in her head while talking about the War in Iraq like her husband does… talk about the man of a 10,000 inappropriate facial expressions!
  
  I think he just might have a wisecracking Leprechaun on his shoulder…
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:36 am rating: 90
- #12.9 Timo
  
  That dead behind the eyes look is creepy and more so when she is surrounded by kids in a Photo op.
  
  “I will take your children and build my army.”
  
  He has something on his shoulder or in his head. He is our first Tourettes President.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:42 am rating: 90
- #12.10 Mishee
  
  hehehe Timo – she would fit in good with the Kardashian sisters then!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:44 am rating: 90
- #12.11 Timo
  
  She could do a show with them! Lock them in a big house and see who comes out in one piece. Laura would shred Khloe.
  
  *looks around for mankini*
  You busted me using a soup reference.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:51 am rating: 90
- #12.12 Grade Ape
  
  Ok, I think we’ve all seen this before but I felt like it was the Ape’s dootie to remind everyone of Bush’s stupid faces…
  
  http://www.jcnot4me.com/images/Bush-monkey.gif
  
  In no way does this entry reflect an endorsement from me or my primate brethren… In fact, I’m offended that he sullies the name of chimps with his impersonations. Don’t pass yourself off as one of us pal!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:52 am rating: 90
- #12.13 Canthz_B
  
  Excellent!!
  Has anyone noticed that Bush walks with the backs of his hands facing forward? Sort of like Fred Flintstone.
  
  He also does a head-bob when he completes his signature. Like a 1st-grader silently spelling in his head as he writes: “B-U-S-H, there!”
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:56 pm rating: 90
- #12.14 Sirius
  
  Laura Bush killed her boyfriend when she was a teenager — I think that’s when the gears started stripping.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:49 pm rating: 90
- #12.15 Timo
  
  Afterwards it is time for his juice, cookies and nappy rug.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:51 pm rating: 90
- #12.16 Kev Orng
  
  If Bush walks like Fred Flintstone, then I wonder if Laura knows Wilma Flintstone’s Keep your Hubby Happy song?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: 90
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#13 Canthz_B

How could Al Gore fall so far, so fast.
From Vice President to Jamba Juice napkin monitor in eight short years.
From tie breaking vote in the Senate to helping his teen-aged boss with his tie.

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:51 am rating: 90

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#14 fantasy

Maybe I need more napkins to clean up the “tomatoe” mess you left!

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:55 am rating: 90

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#15 fantasy

Al Gore, Dan Quayle WTF, who cares!

Jul 22, 2008 at 1:04 am rating: 90

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- #15.1 zombieBlanco
  
  That’s the spirit Fan! Really, who can tell one stupid ex-vicepresident from another?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:10 am rating: 90
- #15.2 Canthz_B
  
  Love means never having to say you’re sorry! I love you, Fantasy! ♡
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:36 am rating: 90
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#16 Martin Heidegger

Honestly, Al Gore knowing about my napkin consumption is the least of my concerns.

So what if he’s some sort of omniscient being? He’s not omnipotent like some politicians seem to be, so I don’t really mind.

Jul 22, 2008 at 1:37 am rating: 90

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- #16.1 fink
  
  Yes, but what made Al Gore want to know about your napkin consumption? Beside that, shouldn’t you care? Isn’t it requisite for your experience?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:13 am rating: 90
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#17 cherry

i’m not gonna lie, every time i do something environmentally unsound (e.g. throwing a bottle into a trash can) i raise my hands to the sky in a prayer and say “sorry al.”

Jul 22, 2008 at 1:43 am rating: 90

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#18 maytagman

I just checked in to say hi to anglophile. Hi anglophile! You’re a fucking asshole, cheers!

Jul 22, 2008 at 2:00 am rating: 90

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- #18.1 Canthz_B
  
  Huzzah! Anglophile has a drunken stalker!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:05 am rating: 90
- #18.2 snee
  
  both manners and consistency are important to me, so, thanks maytagman for being an asshole yet again.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:11 am rating: 90
- #18.3 zombieBlanco
  
  *wonders if she’ll ever be cool enough to have a drunken stalker*
  
  Poor Glo’! Her drunken stalker isn’t even funny. I hear he does have his own washer and dryer tho’.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:13 am rating: 90
- #18.4 Troy McClure
  
  Hmm, you know what I just figured out? This site is not as interesting when Gaymagman visits everyday.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:58 am rating: 90
- #18.5 snee
  
  do you suppose al gore knows how many drunken stalkers there are?
  
  bet he does!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:34 am rating: 90
- #18.6 park rose
  
  ♪ What will we do with a drunken stalker,
  What will we do with a drunken stalker,
  What will we with a drunken stalker,
  E(a)r-ligh in the morning? ♫
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 6:14 am rating: 90
- #18.7 anglophile
  
  Wow, and just the other day I was moping about not being as well-known as Mishee! Now if only someone will sign in with some sort of anglophile-referential name, my cup will runneth over!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 7:32 am rating: 90
- #18.8 anglophile is the defender of the downtrodden, the underfoot, and ralphy! How dare you besmirch her name?
  
  Is it okay to add and pure as the driven snow ?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 7:53 am rating: 90
- #18.9 Mishee
  
  Don’t ever say that glo defends RALPHY! That guy is ON HIS OWN!
  
  I love glo, and she fucking ROCKS!!!
  
  Glo – you now have the Mishee© Seal of Approval…
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 8:53 am rating: 90
- #18.10 park rose
  
  Mishee, it’s me. Click on the link. And she does defend him – you know it. And you better get in line re: ‘glo ♥
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 8:55 am rating: 90
- #18.11 se
  
  Mishee, skimming your posting…
  RALPHY ON HIS OWN ROCKS
  is this a secret message?
  
  slowly turning this thread to Mishee..
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 9:05 am rating: 90
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#19 ajr

And some idiot already took “algoreknows.com” today!

Jul 22, 2008 at 2:30 am rating: 90

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#20 fink

You’re the man now, dog!

Jul 22, 2008 at 3:06 am rating: 90

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#21 Nicolas

You don’t really know about this urtil you’ve handled trashcans at a fast food joint and seen how many piles of napkins people throw away. I’ve seen trashbags filled with an entire sequoia’s worth of paper towels.

Jul 22, 2008 at 4:40 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #21.1 Burghardt
  
  I suppose if you really cared about the tree’s sacrifice not having been in vain you would take the unused napkins out of the can and use them.
  
  …and, the r and the n are nowhere near each other on my keyboard. Can you submit handwritten comments?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 6:24 am rating: 90
- #21.2 Kev Orng
  
  Maybe he’s using a Dvorak keyboard.
  
  You and your qwerty-centric assumptions.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 6:58 am rating: 90
- #21.3 Joe
  
  You mean people actually use Dvorak? I thought it was only slashdot trolls who pretended they used it to make their geek penises seem larger.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 8:37 am rating: 90
- #21.4 Timo
  
  I learn so much here! I had always thought of Dvorak as a romantic composer.
  
  Hey with that keyboard I wouldn’t make the faux pas of typing hiney when I meant honey. lol
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 9:29 am rating: 90
- #21.5 Nicolas
  
  I’m using a Dell AZERTY keyboard (nice assumption that Qwerty and Dvorak are the only two options in the world, ‘merica! Just a thought!!!) with an alignment problem on the lower row, thanks to the brilliant engineers at Dell.
  That said, the r and n keys aren’t close at all on here either, so I got nothin’.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 10:06 am rating: 90
- #21.6 Sirius
  
  What fast food joint uses redwood napkins?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: 90
- #21.7 Mishee
  
  Only the best of the best Sirius!!… I hear they have a smoothie made from the blubber of a seal pup and crushed up panda bear paw….
  
  its decadent!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:22 am rating: 90
- #21.8 Kev Orng
  
  Cheers, Nicolas. But I’m not from ‘merica.
  
  I tried Dvorak once. Once! It was a mess, although I did earn a few valuable geek points that can be exchanged at the geekshop for tiny screwdrivers, Fritos, and Blackberry parts.
  
  I’ve tried azerty as well but I have discovered that a French Canadian keyboard is easier to use when I need to demonstrate my garbled mastery of the French language. But lacking the required hardware, I just use a modifier key to get accented letters.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:42 am rating: 90
- #21.9 Canthz_B
  
  Let him ‘merica bash, Kev.
  I’ve noticed that it makes the chip on some people’s shoulders a little lighter.
  
  Go ahead, Nicolas. We can take it.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:45 am rating: 90
- #21.10 Kev Orng
  
  Don’t let CB bait you, Nicolas, they’ve got frikkin Bunker Busters and daisy cutters and they aren’t afraid to drop ‘em on the “wrong” people!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: 90
- #21.11 Holiday Djinn
  
  From now on whenever i read one of your posts you will sound like Maurice Chavalier!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:14 pm rating: 90
- #21.12 Kev Orng
  
  I’d rather be Inspector Clouseau!
  
  Wait, are you talking about me or him? I don’t have an accent. I can kinda fake my way through French, and I can order lunch in 17 languages, but that’s about it.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:21 pm rating: 90
- #21.13 Nicolas
  
  Aaaah! Oui oui! C’est inacceptable!… I’m sorry, I have nothing else, fake French accent doesn’t really work all that well over the internet. Mostly it involves a lot of grunting. Nothing about being French translates over the internet really, we do our tongue-in-cheek a bit differently and it’s hard to tell.
  I’m surprised that none of you have picked up on the irony of a Frenchman claiming “l’exception culturelle” and boasting job experience in the fast-food industry.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 6:01 pm rating: 90
- #21.14 Burghardt
  
  I don’t know much about France, but I know a little about French tongue-in-cheek….oh wait, you were talking about humor. sorry.
  
  team qwerty!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 7:40 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#22 Kev Orng

I usually take a few extra napkins so I can clean up coffee spills in my car. The napkin stash is vital for any motorist. Kinda like Ford Prefect’s towel.

The napkin stash is also useful for those, uh, roadside emergencies.

Jul 22, 2008 at 6:57 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #22.1 Mark
  
  I agree, the stash of ~10 napkins in the glove box is required. It helps me not to panic.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 10:52 am rating: 90
- #22.2 Sirius
  
  Kev-
  Driving with your pants down doesn’t qualify as a ‘roadside emergency’.
  
  Team Hands-Free
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:15 am rating: 90
- #22.3 Canthz_B
  
  Take-out napkins are the poor man’s de-fogger.
  A must-have for any glove box or center console.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:22 am rating: 90
- #22.4 Timo
  
  Absolutely a must have for any occasion that may arise when something needs to be wiped off. Windshields, nose, side of mouth, fingerprints…
  
  *shiftyeyes*
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:37 am rating: 90
- #22.5 Mark
  
  I keep decorative towels in my car for that purpose. Also for roadside emergencies involving spooge.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: 90
- #22.6 Kev Orng
  
  Well, it’s easier than steering with your knee.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:00 pm rating: 90
- #22.7 Mishee
  
  Or be like Tommy Lee and steer with something else entirely!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:03 pm rating: 90
- #22.8 Kev Orng
  
  Obviously I need to draw pictures to illustrate my crude jokes!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:27 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#23 Holiday Djinn

What people don’t realize is that Al Gore created the internet just for this reason. He knew that without webcams, bloggers and social networking sites that keeping track of every single napkin that is used would be a lot more difficult. He is trying to save the planet after all!

Jul 22, 2008 at 7:17 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#24 Brian

Well, if it’s like everything else, Al Gore only wants you to use 1.5 napkins. That way they won’t run out when he comes through and grabs 70 of them and when Tipper comes through and takes her usual 70. There should also be 50 each left over for his SUV-Limo driver, the pilot for his private jet, and Michael Moore. Then his vehement supporters can use 20-30 each while standing around waiting to chasitse anyone who exceeds the 1.5 limit.

Jul 22, 2008 at 7:28 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#25 jimmyjimmyjimmyjimmykalamahoo! kalamahee! kalamabringachairplease!

ceiling al gore is watching you masturbate

Jul 22, 2008 at 7:30 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#26 ama

really? i demand a recount.

Jul 22, 2008 at 7:35 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #26.1 Joe
  
  …damn. I guess there’s no point in even trying to be funny about this PA note anymore. Game over. You win!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 8:39 am rating: 90
- #26.2 park rose
  
  Fully agree.
  #26, sheer brilliance.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 8:57 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#27 Krystolla

Al Gore is watching the napkins because Jesus was too busy guarding the soap.

Jul 22, 2008 at 7:59 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#28 claw71

Oh you’d better rinse out
the bucket of grout
you’d better not buy
the quilted two ply
Al Gore is power pointing, you clowns

He’s pounding his fist
to protect polar ice
Your carbon footprint
is too big by twice

Al Gore is power pointing, you clown

He sees you when you’re driving
He sees napkins you take
He knows is you’re using low watt bulbs
So conserve you big dumb flake

So…. you’d better rinse out
the bucket of grout
you’d better not buy
the quilted two ply
Al Gore is power pointing, you clowns

Jul 22, 2008 at 8:52 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#29 Mishee

Of course Al Gore knows how many napkins you take! The dude doesn’t have a job! I didn’t know it was so bad that he was hanging out at Jamba Juice all day, but hey, you go where the work is!

Jul 22, 2008 at 8:54 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #29.1 Troy McClure
  
  Mishee, I think you have “unitentionally” reiterated the substance of comment #13!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 9:07 am rating: 90
- #29.2 park rose
  
  And it was a CB comment, too, I think! Must Mishee don the unitent ? Why, yes, I think she must
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 9:11 am rating: 90
- #29.3 Mishee
  
  I don’t think they are anything alike. I guess cause while I wrote it, I was imagining Al Gore standing out in front of Jamba Juice, looking for work like the Mexicans in front of Home Depot… CB plainly states that Al Gore, is indeed working… totally totally different.
  
  I have no idea what you are talking about!
  
  No Unitent for me! (but methinks Ryan right below me here is cruisin’ for a bruisin’)
  
  (and you know I will don it if I have done wrong…)
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 9:14 am rating: 90
- #29.4 Timo
  
  He really is at the Jamba juice to take a spritz bath in the bathroom before he goes back to the off-ramp holding his sign.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 9:36 am rating: 90
- #29.5 Sirius
  
  + 1,000,000 to Troy for “unitentionally”
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 90
- #29.6 Ryan
  
  Re: Mishee
  
  Heheheh.
  Whoops, I shouldn’t be laughing as I drive!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:43 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#30 Ryan

IT IS PROVEN AL GORE IS MORE SANITARY THAN MOST WOMEN

PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS AND LEAVE SOME NAPKINS.

SANDRA

Jul 22, 2008 at 9:11 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #30.1 Canthz_B
  
  If you have to try that hard to get SANDRA into a thread, maybe it’s just not worth it.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:18 am rating: 90
- #30.2 Ryan
  
  huh>?
  
  Pass up a PA note a napkin – a chance for a Sandra “Sanitary” note? Please.
  
  Go take a nap. You’ll feel better.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:26 am rating: 90
- #30.3 Canthz_B
  
  Al Gore knows how many naps I take!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#31 GhostWriter

Al Gore

Knows How

Many

Aspirins

I Take

Jul 22, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#32 Al Gore and the Green Police

Every juice you buy
Every ass you wipe
Every nose you blow
Every lawn you mow
Ill be watching you

Oh, cant you see
You belong to me
Save the nature, clown
Or I will hunt you down

Every trash you dump
Every gas you pump
Ill be watching you

Ill be watching you
Ill be watching you
Ill be watching you
Ill be watching you

PS. I am super cereal!!

Jul 22, 2008 at 9:18 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #32.1 amazon
  
  Ha! I can’t believe there hasn’t been a single manbearpig reference yet!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 5:32 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#33 Quite Contrary

Crap. First my mother and my language. Then Jesus and my SUV. And now Al Gore and my napkins.

Leave me alone! If I want to swear like a sailor while driving my SUV through the dry cleaners drive through window and then stop by McDonald’s to get a big mac, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with asking for extra napkins to make sure I clean up the spill on the baby cow leather interior.

Jul 22, 2008 at 10:11 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#34 Oh Snap!

Those napkins were fucking delicious!

Jul 22, 2008 at 10:40 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#35 Canthz_B

It figures Al is nosing around napkin dispensers. He’s looked everywhere else for “missing” ballots!

Jul 22, 2008 at 11:27 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#36 Mishee

#100! (Sorry guys, I am feeling saucy today!) hee hee

Jul 22, 2008 at 11:29 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #36.1 Timo
  
  Hmm, “saucy” ?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:47 am rating: 90
- #36.2 Kev Orng
  
  “Don’t get saucy with me, Bearnaise.”
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:04 pm rating: 90
- #36.3 Timo
  
  I may roux that comment later.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:20 pm rating: 90
- #36.4 ama
  
  Béchamel on you.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:25 pm rating: 90
- #36.5 Kev Orng
  
  Oh, I don’t think that’s béchamel…
  
  See THIS is why some people need lots of napkins!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:31 pm rating: 90
- #36.6 Timo
  
  Nope… That there that is Allemande!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:54 pm rating: 90
- #36.7 shane
  
  That reminds me, I heard there’s no place like Nome for the Hollandaise.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:07 pm rating: 90
- #36.8 Mishee
  
  well, I guess this is as close as I can get to getting today’s thread to be “all about me” so I will take it!!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:09 pm rating: 90
- #36.9 Mark
  
  Don’t you mean, “all about ghee”? (or “brie”)?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:12 pm rating: 90
- #36.10 ama
  
  When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, ‘I like mayonnaise.’
  
  ok Jack Handey and i are done.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:14 pm rating: 90
- #36.11 Mishee
  
  I thought we were talking sauces… geez, you guys have the attention span of a gnat!
  
  … oh hey! is that a butterfly!?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:33 pm rating: 90
- #36.12 ama
  
  unvow pledge of silence.
  
  mayonnaise IS a sauce. made of delicious crushed butterflies. and eggs.
  
  revow.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:43 pm rating: 90
- #36.13 Timo
  
  Hey hey now no need to get all velouté.
  
  You know I think about Mishee a lot lately and when I do I…. heeeey look, shiny car keys!!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:44 pm rating: 90
- #36.14 Mishee
  
  And I thought I held your attention Timo!
  
  *shuddering sigh*
  
  That’s okay… I will go on…
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:02 pm rating: 90
- #36.15 Kev Orng
  
  If Mayonnaise is a sauce, why is it in the salad dressing aisle, and not the sauce aisle?
  hmm??
  
  And speaking of condiments, I once dated a girl who didn’t believe me that mustard came from a plant. when I asked her where she thought mustard came from, she said, “The Grocery Store”. True story! That one didn’t last long.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:03 pm rating: 90
- #36.16 shane
  
  I think about Mishee when I’m taking my ‘Salsa’ lessons.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:03 pm rating: 90
- #36.17 Ti-Ni
  
  Well she is muy caliente.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:15 pm rating: 90
- #36.18 Ti-Ni
  
  Mayonnaise is a condiment. Had to check it out because sometimes I read things wrong.
  
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mayonaise
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:17 pm rating: 90
- #36.19 ama
  
  wow, a whole aisle for sauces. and i all get is 37 flavors of Ragu.
  does al gore know about this?
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:18 pm rating: 90
- #36.20 Mark
  
  But in the sauces article, mayonnaise is classified as an emulsified sauce (which it is):
  
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sauce#Sauces_in_French_Cuisine
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:20 pm rating: 90
- #36.21 Kev Orng
  
  Shane, I thought we all agreed not to peek in those mysterious bins in the ladies room.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: 90
- #36.22 shane
  
  ew. Ew. EW!!!!
  
  BTW. Ti-Ni: I was gonna make a condiment comment, but I couldn’t cut the mustard.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:38 pm rating: 90
- #36.23 Ti-Ni
  
  Mark- Yes that is the link sauces can be condiments but they are still sauces.
  Mmmmm homemade mayo with some tuna on rye. Yeah it is lunch time so!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:41 pm rating: 90
- #36.24 Burghardt
  
  shane, you need a serious spank on the puns!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: 90
- #36.25 shane
  
  Spank away. I’ll even turn the other cheek.
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 9:54 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#37 Ryan

Think that napkin had a “hanging chad”

Jul 22, 2008 at 11:44 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #37.1 Mishee
  
  Yep, its definitely “The Chad”
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: 90
- #37.2 Timo
  
  WIZARD!!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#38 ama

http://www.environmentaltalk.com/wp-content/uploads/Al_Gore_fishy.jpg

“Now what the dickens am I supposed to wipe my hands on?? A penguin?!”

Jul 22, 2008 at 12:19 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #38.1 Sirius
  
  Spotted towel for table 3!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:56 pm rating: 90
- #38.2 Sirius
  
  Wow, that was weak. My brain clearly isn’t working properly today, so I would be doing harm to the company if I were actually working.
  
  Hmmm, wonder what’s new on Pajiba…
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 1:58 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#39 lacochran

Congrats on the book. You rock!

Jul 22, 2008 at 1:02 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#40 Kev Orng

You guys have Al Gore who gives lectures, we have David Suzuki, who makes commercials telling us how less power usage = more beer money.

You think Al Gore’s napkin spies are creepy, wait till you find David Suzuki poking around in your basement fridge.

Jul 22, 2008 at 1:39 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #40.1 snee
  
  my pest contol professional is too busy trying to finish the latest suzuki article in the local paper to worry about my d.s. basement fridge infestation.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:56 pm rating: 90
- #40.2 TheFlinFlonDrunk
  
  If I had a home, I would use less electricity to buy more beer. David Suzuki is a Environmental Elder who is not afraid to cut a man. He’s my hero.
  
  Aug 9, 2008 at 6:31 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#41 Delurker

Does Al Gore know about the hay I stole? What about the food I took from the mouth of a pre-born child? The laundry?!? Does he know about the wet laundry I took out of the machine?!? Or that it was I who left dirty dishes in the sink?!?!?!

Crap,crap,crap,crap,crap.

Jul 22, 2008 at 2:09 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#42 Clickums

What’s next? We will soon be reduced to using just one square of toilet paper per dump? Whoa to the people who spill things and have diarrhea!

Jul 22, 2008 at 2:12 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #42.1 Mishee
  
  We are talking about Al Gore, not Sheryl Crow!
  
  “No, I don’t have a square to spare, I can’t spare a square”
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 2:18 pm rating: 90
- #42.2 Ignatz
  
  Woe unto he who cannot stop spilling or has diarrhea!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:37 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#43 barth

Wonder why Gore got all the attention in this thread??
What about Jamba?

JMBA (Nasdaq) stock is trading at 1/8 of its value of a year ago. Might napkin conservation be a concern for Jamba’s $$$ survival, and Al’s global warming ‘truth’ is but a convenient scapegoat?

Jul 22, 2008 at 2:53 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#44 Joe

“God only knows how many napkins you take!”

Al Gore = God? Say it ain’t so!

Jul 22, 2008 at 3:01 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #44.1 Kev Orng
  
  That’s right, Joe, and he wants you to build an ark!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:38 pm rating: 90
- #44.2 reyna ulikba
  
  Nope he isn’t God, but Al Gore IS Santa Claus, shaved and without gifts.
  
  The big red suit was so last season.
  
  Jul 24, 2008 at 5:26 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#45 Summer

does anyone else picture Al Gore standing behind the dispenser with a big plastic, scary head like the burger King?

Jul 22, 2008 at 3:44 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #45.1 Mishee
  
  oh, that’s a plastic head? I thought he just looked like that all the time!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 3:46 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#46 aaa

Al Gore has a giant house and a private jet. Al Gore fails.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/gorehome.asp

http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/house.asp

Jul 22, 2008 at 4:25 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #46.1 Mark
  
  Yes, and because he has a big house and private jet, obviously everything he says about everything is 100% wrong.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:27 pm rating: 90
- #46.2 Grade Ape
  
  Come on Mark, having a private jet doesn’t put him in the wrong… fueling that jet with imported cheetahs is what puts him in the wrong.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:40 pm rating: 90
- #46.3 aaa
  
  Now you’re getting it!
  
  Seriously though, you look like a wanker if you don’t practice what you preach. I think Jesus or Abe Lincoln said something about that…
  
  Although Gore does get points for making fun of himself on Futurama. Not many, though.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:40 pm rating: 90
- #46.4 aaa
  
  Imported cheetahs? I heard he used scales cut by hand one at a time off the legs of whooping cranes. Oh internet, how you have failed me.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:42 pm rating: 90
- #46.5 Burghardt
  
  that’s right, zero points for hypocrasy. Like Jesse Jackson preaching fidelity or Brittney Spear’s mom writing a book about parenting or Dr. Phil giving weight management advice or Oprah giving marriage advice or….good gracious, it goes on and on.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 8:06 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#47 aaa

I need to spend more time on the internet. Here I was thinking that I was the only one who imagined Al Gore as some kind of evil, eco-groovy Robot Santa. :/

Jul 22, 2008 at 4:29 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #47.1 Mark
  
  Nah, Robot Santa is from Neptune. Al Gore is from Tennessee.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: 90
- #47.2 aaa
  
  True, but he’s the Tennessee analog of Robot Santa. Like how the King of All Cosmos is like the Japanese equivalent of the Burger King.
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:37 pm rating: 90
- #47.3 Mark
  
  I’ve never thought about the King of All Cosmos that way, but you’re totally right!
  
  Jul 22, 2008 at 4:40 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#48 ShockedAtTheIgnorance

So many people buying the great Global Lie. Here’s some facts for you. The south polar ice cap is growing very rapidly. The earth has been cooling since 1998. Solar Cycle 24 – GOOGLE IT! 70% of Gore’s sources are models based on a typo! The Earth is not/no longer warming. Storms are becoming more infrequent.

But most importantly. Humans CANNOT affect the Global Climate. We are no where near producing enough “greenhouse gases” to change the weather at all. Stop buying the bulls***!

Jul 22, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #48.1 aaa
  
  Why not make a website? Or publish a book? Or give lectures at universities? Posting a comment at a fun blog really isn’t the most effective method of spreading your theories. People here are just as likely to mock you as to actually listen to you.
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 6:37 am rating: 90
- #48.2 shockedatthesenseofhumourfailure
  
  yeah, way to spoil the fun, Shocked.
  
  Mutter, grumble, scowl..
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 8:15 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#49 Sweet Sister Morphine

If I ever have kids, I’m going to tell them that Al Gore watches everything they do, and will come and eat their liver if they don’t behave.

I think it’s the least I could do, seeing as when I was little, my mum used to tell me that if I wasn’t good, the Communists would come and get me.

My grandmother used to threaten to cut my head off and replace it with a cabbage.

It’s no wonder I turned out the way I am.

Jul 23, 2008 at 2:51 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #49.1 aaa
  
  Your mum and grandmum sound like fun!
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 6:29 am rating: 90
- #49.2 Sweet Sister Morphine
  
  Only if you like cabbages.
  
  Jul 25, 2008 at 2:19 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#50 maytagman

well, this place is worse than high school – I can see that now. someone pointed that out earlier, how right they were. better to just move on and not stare too much.

Jul 23, 2008 at 3:29 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #50.1 Canthz_B
  
  HS isn’t that bad if you make just a few friends.
  Just jumping in to call names and criticize can’t really help in doing that much, I’m afraid.
  
  A few good jokes about the postings would go a long way, memories can be very short here MTM.
  
  Anyway, I hope you decide to stick around.
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 3:36 am rating: 90
- #50.2 aaa
  
  You know, those “Goodbye, cruel blog!” posts make you look like a wanker.
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 6:32 am rating: 90
- #50.3 Mishee
  
  every time you call him MTM I think of that little kitty that meowed when a Mary Tyler Moore production played…
  
  oh yeah, and maytagman – don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out… memories here may be short, but I don’t forget when someone is mean to anglophile!!
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 9:22 am rating: 90
- #50.4 morpho aurora
  
  mish – “kitty”
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 9:48 am rating: 90
- #50.5 Mishee
  
  “wanker”
  
  heh
  
  *misses RunBarbara*
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 10:06 am rating: 90
- #50.6 Cowgirlgraphics
  
  What happend to her?
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 12:30 pm rating: 90
- #50.7 Kev Orng
  
  My guess is that THX SANDRA went all Margot Kidder on her ass after she found her notes on the interwebs.
  
  Jul 23, 2008 at 12:51 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#51 Max

Al Gore is watching the napkins you use because he plans to sell you carbon neutral napkins.

Al Gore invented a market with his promotion of global warming. He’s getting rich.

Jul 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#52 Lurker

Al sees you when you’re sleeping,
Al knows when you’re awake.
Al knows if you’ve been bad or good,
And how many sheets you take.
Oh, you’d better watch out,
You’d better not cry,
When wiping your mouth,
Use ONE, and here’s why:
Albert Gore is comin’ to town!

Jul 24, 2008 at 3:45 pm rating: 90

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#53 ashley

oh man. i live in elmhurst. fuck those stupid high school and college kids at that jamba juice, they’re incredibly stupid and annoying. how about you focus on making my damn drink and not on gossiping who’s fucking whom in front of me, or letting me know that al gore is the next santa claus.

Aug 25, 2008 at 9:01 am rating: 90

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#54 an inconvenient truth

[...] al gore would likely be pleased hear that marc in san diego rides his bike (a vintage blue colnago) to work in the mornings. a certain evangelical bike messenger, however, was less than impressed. [...]

Oct 7, 2008 at 10:00 am rating: 90

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#55 al gore knows you’re a little tease

[...] related: al gore knows you know drove when you could have taken your new bicycle [...]

Aug 9, 2009 at 5:01 pm rating: 90

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#56 Mysterious Ways, Indeed | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] Al Gore knows [...]

Aug 9, 2010 at 11:44 pm rating: 90

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#57 Don’t you want to LIVE? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] then noisily blow my nose with them. I mean, really. Wouldn’t a simple “Al Gore Knows” have [...]

Dec 5, 2010 at 1:32 pm rating: 90

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#58 Al Gore knows you didn’t clear your unused microwave time | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] Al Gore Knows [...]

May 9, 2011 at 10:15 pm rating: 90

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#59 Al Gore knows you didn’t clear your unused microwave time | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] Al Gore Knows [...]

May 9, 2011 at 10:15 pm rating: 90

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