writes our anonymous submitter from canada: “i got back to my desk after lunch on a friday and found this heartfelt note on my keyboard. i was touched.”
adds our submitter: “i worked my ass off on that damn report!”
related: oh sweetie, i love it when you talk dirty!
extra credit: TPS report cover sheet
234 responses so far ↓
#1
zombieBlanco
At least there weren’t alot of mistakes.
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:13 am rating: +25
#2
Ashley
Maybe she should write better reports? Or should the writer be thanking her for the OT she brought home?
Either way, I love the smiley face
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: +2
#3
Canthz_B
Thanks for the wishes for a great weekend and for taking my mistakes off of my mind. What a relief to only have to stress over the mistakes in your note to me!
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:19 am rating: +16
#4
Canthz_B
adds our submitter: “i worked my ass off on that damn report!”
Maybe the coworker would prefer the submitter to work with her brain next time.
I sounds like the boss got the report, said “Oh dear God! Shannon, can you please redo this for Bunney? She’d just screw it up again and I need it before the weekend.”
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:26 am rating: +18
#5
Joyful
Dear Blanked Out Name,
Thanks for your kind note, written exclusively in second-grade-style bubble letters. Your handwriting is not annoying at all, and you should definitely not think about learning to write like a grown-up.
Thanks again (and again *not* annoying at all),
Other Blanked Out Name
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:29 am rating: +49
#6
Kristin
You’re welcome. Glad I could get it started for you at least.
I’m glad you had a good time with it. I hope you enjoy my next report as much.
I did have a great weekend, thanks for the well wishes. No worries!
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:34 am rating: +15
#7
Canthz_B
I wish the writer would make up her mind which style of lowercase ‘a’ she’d like to use and stick with it throughout her note.
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:36 am rating: +9
#8
Canthz_B
What office still uses notebook paper, and what could such an office possibly have to report on?
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:42 am rating: +8
#9
Troy McClure
Just the chorus:
“The TPS report is lousy,” you remark,
And your sweet/mean writing makes me frown.
“Someone put mistakes in,” you complain.
I don’t think that I can take it,
‘Cause it took so long to make it,
And I’ll never have my ass on me again
Oh no!
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:54 am rating: +7
#10
Grade Ape
As painfully annoying as this steaming pile of sugar coated shit is… I’ve got to give the author (Sarah?) much credit for signing her name.
It almost says, “… and if you want to discuss this further you can meet me in the parking lot.”
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:01 am rating: +23
#11
Robin
Your mistake fixing favors make me want to continue to try my best to make mistakes on those reports with you ( a lot.)
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:02 am rating: +11
#12
aaa
Why can’t Mrs. McSuger-Coated-Shit just write her own reports? Oh wait, then there’d be no scapegoat for when she gets bitched at by the boss man (professor?).
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:09 am rating: +7
#13
Canthz_B
Nevermind.
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:10 am rating: 0
#14
milhouse
Oh, I guess there weren’t enough smiley faces!!!
=) =) =)
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:25 am rating: +1
#15
globalnole
Extra points for sure for using a smiley face as her signature line. However, in this situation, a PA email may have been more appropriate. Oh well.
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:38 am rating: 0
#16
zombieBlanco
Because of you.
chorus only
Because of you
I had to fix, fix almost everything
Because of you
Thanks for all your hard work this week on the damn report
Because of you
I find mistakes a lot everywhere, but it was tons of fun
Because of you
I did stay late
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:53 am rating: +10
#17
Jais
You know, Anonymous Submitter, you really need to go and talk to S—- and find out what was wrong with the report. It’s important for your future professional development to know whether the report really was full of mistakes or whether S—- is a cranky perfectionist.
After all, you don’t want to work your ass off if all you end up producing is a pile of crap.
Jul 24, 2008 at 2:36 am rating: +17
#18
Ambie
Like OMG ! You are an inadequate loser and I hate you but these antidepressants just make me so darn cheerful!
Hugs and Kisses!
Jul 24, 2008 at 2:44 am rating: +27
#19
Maya
Yikes. That must have been one lousy report. I think Jais is right, you should figure out why your report making skills are so crappy. I’m sure your boss was aware of the badly written report and how upset it made the note-writer.
Of course, you did get this entertaining note out of the whole fiasco.
Jul 24, 2008 at 4:35 am rating: +1
#20
S----
I wrote that note; fancy my surprise, upon finding it here! You might’ve written it, too, if you’d had to read her report. To give you an inkling of what I have to deal with, both the handwriting and the stilted writing were unflattering imitations of those used by Miss No-Ass, over there, in her report. Even in the act of leaving a PA note, I was taking my cue from her. She’s notorious for her poison-pen Post-Its.
Why, just last week, a drop of liquid found its way onto the toilet seat. Did she wipe it off? Gracious, no. Instead, she cut a Post-It into an arrow shape, and stuck it to the seat, pointing at the offending droplet. I’m not sure if that one qualifies as a PA note, as no text was included, but it wasn’t an isolated incident.
Anyway, back to her report. “TPS report” doesn’t begin to describe it. She’d included charts from last year, with some stats updated, and others not. Perhaps she’d intended to use them as templates, to save herself some time. Alas, whatever labour she saved herself was added on my end, tenfold. There were charts with no titles or legends, random fragments of Excel sheets, and handwritten pages among the printouts. I honestly thought it was a joke, when I cracked the cover (which, incidentally, had a smiling daisy drawn on it). I won’t even start on her spelling, grammar, or vocabulary. If I did, I’d be here all night.
I’ve rambled, haven’t I? For the tl;dr crowd, let me condense it, as follows: it was the worst report I’ve ever read. Possibly the worst report ever written. Had she wiped her ass with it, rather than working her ass off on it, the result wouldn’t have been perceptibly different. (Maybe that’s what she thinks “working one’s ass off” means.)
Jul 24, 2008 at 4:51 am rating: +41
#21
S----
Oops–I should’ve made it clearer that my comment was a joke. (Indeed, I’m a rubbish employee, myself. Was at work, skiving off, when I wrote it.)
Jul 24, 2008 at 7:31 am rating: +4
#22
Phalange
Skiving off? Is that what kids today call it?
Jul 24, 2008 at 7:40 am rating: +2
#23
ama
Sir Mistakes-a-Lot says you don’t have to work that ass off, baby! just leave it, leave it, and he’ll roll up quick before lunch to retrieve it…
Jul 24, 2008 at 7:45 am rating: +11
#24
claw71
This note is from Canada. I don’t think it’s passive aggressive at all. Canadians are just genuinely friendly like that.
Whoa, hey dair, it looks like yer banging my wife, eh. I don’t mean to barge in but ya really shoulda put a sock oat dair, eh. Ya know, eh, it’s not really my business, eh, but when yer tagging her from behind like dat she really likes it when ya pull her hair, eh. And don’t be afraid to twist her nipples, ya hoser. Dat’s da way. Good show,eh. I’ll go oat and get us all some donairs, eh? Do ya want Moosehead or Blue wit dat?
Jul 24, 2008 at 8:28 am rating: +40
#25
NoPunIntended
My question is why is the PAN writer even concerned with this report? If this was a joint assignment, than S____ was supposed to be involved from the beginning and obviously left this chore to the half-wit ____y to complete and utterly fail at. So the way I see it, S____ should have just done the f’ing report on her own from the beginning, thus saving her the effort of complaining. ( and us from this awful excuse for a PAN)
Team Take care of your own shit!
Jul 24, 2008 at 8:58 am rating: +9
#26
nic
I wonder if she got the paper out of her Trapper Keeper?
Jul 24, 2008 at 9:00 am rating: +22
#27
Freddie
I’ve had clients do this to me before, too. “I was up until midnight fixing the problems with this report!” Why didn’t you just send it back to me so I could fix them, genius? That’s what you’re paying me for. This idiot should have sent the thing back to the submitter, too.
Jul 24, 2008 at 9:24 am rating: +7
#28
zchamu
S- is not only cutesy, she’s as dumb as a stump. I’d be packing that one away in my HR file for when I sue for constructive dismissal due to passive aggressive harassment.
Jul 24, 2008 at 9:30 am rating: +3
#29
pod
I love the fact that comedy PA notes from British people are taken really seriously by Americans and Canadians…it’s rather adorable.
S was taking the piss, standard office behaviour in the UK. See The Office.
I love the fact B posted a piss-take. Bless.
Jul 24, 2008 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#30
annulla
I’ve just found your blog and have a question (wasn’t quite sure of where to post it).
In the WTF? section, you say, “if you enjoy railing against the flagrant abuse of the english language, you’ll find yourself very much at home here.”
I’m curious. Why does a staunch defender of the rules of the English language write only in lower case letters? Am I missing something?
Jul 24, 2008 at 10:35 am rating: 0
#31
ama
al gore is sad that you stayed late, burning light bulbs that probably weren’t energy-efficient. and that had better be recycled paper and soy ink.
Jul 24, 2008 at 10:45 am rating: +8
#32
Ryan
Oh! Those mistakes were just so fucking delicious!
(double underline the word “so”)
Jul 24, 2008 at 10:53 am rating: +1
#33
Pearl
Hi.
Yeah, so I was wondering if, the next time you’re doing your job — you’re getting paid for this, right? — that you wouldn’t mind looking it over and maybe doing it right the first time so that others don’t end up doing it for you?
Yeah. That would be nice. Thanks SO much!
And don’t forget tonight’s Happy Hour after work! I wasn’t supposed to say anything, but people are getting tired of covering for you. So, yeah. Make sure you bring money — you “forgot to go to the bank” last time.
Hugs and Kisses,
Pearl
Jul 24, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: +2
#34
jay gee
Hi. I am officially abandoning my post as ‘lurker’ to post this comment. Each and every time I read this blog, the comments are the truly wonderful part. *Seriously, fucking delicious!*
However, this time, for whatever reason, everyone seems extra-uber-super pissed off. Seriously. It’s much funnier when we keep it light.
“have a nice weekend and don’t worry about all those mistakes.” kthxbye!
Jul 24, 2008 at 12:39 pm rating: +6
#35
ama
i applaud jay gee for his effort. he came all the way out of retirement to say this.
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:13 pm rating: +3
#36
ben
I am going to side with the note writer on this one. If the submitter had actually done the work right the first time then she wouldn’t have gotten a lousy note in the first place. Maybe that is my training as an anal dental student speaking…
Jul 24, 2008 at 1:23 pm rating: +1
#37
Ti-Ni
Aw Nevermind.
Jul 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm rating: +1
#38
vivitop
Why does she put a stupid smiley face… so that we’ll truly believe her when she’s saying “don’t worry about those mistakes” and “have a great weekend”??
Smiley faces can be scary…
Jul 24, 2008 at 2:14 pm rating: 0
#39
Summer
testing ♥
Jul 24, 2008 at 2:54 pm rating: 0
#40
Mishee
BOBBY! I AM WATCHING YOU!
Jul 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: +1
#41
JoeInLA
Okay, I may just burst into tears over this one. This is a CLASSIC example of passive-aggressive writing — every single line is pure snark! Yes, way back when I first found this board I was one of those who posted saying, “um, that’s not really p/a, gang.” But this! A picture of this note really should be in the dictionary beside “passive-aggressive.” I’m even feeling a tiny bit giddy! (Sad, I know, but you take your fun where you find it, no?) Maybe we could get hold of the original note and bronze it? (Of course that would make it hard to read, but whatever.) At the very least we could nominate the writer (clearly female) as a goddess of passive-aggression, no? Maybe interview her for the board? Okay, I’m going to go sit down with my head between my knees for a bit.
Jul 24, 2008 at 3:50 pm rating: +1
#42
matthb
I nominate #34.1 to be the next PAN on the site. Screenshot, please!
Jul 24, 2008 at 3:56 pm rating: +2
#43
Deluxx
pssst, Timo? up there at 16.1? The Shaft carpet-cleaning remark? Totally hilarious. Better 26ish remarks late than never…
And I wish the real S___ would tell us if it actually says “TPS report,” because it really looks like it does. And what else goes in a TPS report but charts and spreadsheets, really?
Jul 24, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: 0
#44
ssb
eh, just because you worked hard doesn’t mean that the work wasn’t terrible. Sometimes people work hard and still do a bad job.
Jul 24, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: +1
#45
The Other Leanne
Dear S—
WTF do you mean you “fixed” the report?!
NoName
Jul 24, 2008 at 6:50 pm rating: +2
#46
Claire
OMG! Are we losing the cuddliness that I have come to love from this site?
Aha! The rapier keen wit! The roly-poly giggles! Maybe not! How I have come to love you all…now please lead me back to the main hallway so I may chase my British brethen for no clear reason at all….
Jul 24, 2008 at 8:39 pm rating: +1
#47
Mudhooks
Looks exactly like my sister’s printing… so does the smiley!
Nov 11, 2008 at 1:47 am rating: 0
#48 just a friendly reminder [you hussy, you!] :)
[...] related: “so if you could go ahead and try to remember that from now on, that’d be great” [...]
Dec 7, 2008 at 6:02 pm rating: 0
#49
fluffy8u
You guys are forgetting how thoughtful Miss S was for letting Submitter clear her mind for the weekend. She deserves a plate of cookies for that!
Jan 7, 2009 at 12:41 am rating: 0
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