when sheena in austin spotted this note on her neighbor’s front door, she couldn’t help but wonder: “if your doormat has sentimental value, maybe it should be hanging on your wall instead of sitting on the ground?”
related: wrath mat
extra credit: sentimental value: clothing stories from ebay
209 responses so far ↓
#1
Quite Contrary
It;s a doormat.
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:33 am rating: 0
#2
Lauren
The doormat is quite similar to the umbrella in its elusive, escapist nature; often disappearing if unattended.
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:35 am rating: +17
#3
Mishee
I don’t think she’s talking about the Welcome mat… possibly her boyfriend?
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: +35
#4
Red Letterboxer
Bring it back now! And step on it!
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:37 am rating: +35
#5
Moleinthewall
Maybe “doormat” is actually an endearing term she uses for her boyfriend?
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:37 am rating: +9
#6
Dave
It’s about time it stood up for itself and stopped letting people walk all over it!
Team Doormat!
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: +31
#7
Mishee
“Be A gRoWN uP”
Decide bitch!!
One or the OTHER!
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:40 am rating: +11
#8
unholyghost2003
Sentimental doormats are always soggy with the weeping.
But really, if you loved your doormat so much why not put it on the INSIDE of the threshold? If it got stolen then at least your list of suspects would be smaller.
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:41 am rating: +15
#9
ama
no, you be the grown up! no, you first! no, you! no!
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:47 am rating: +9
#10
amy d
Can anyone read the name at the bottom?
I like how the holes in the margin function as bullet points.
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: +18
#11
mere
ahh, doormat. i wonder if it has a picture of 3 cartoon chefs, a la “the placemat”.
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: +9
#12
amy d
I stole your doormat because I blew chunks on it in a fit of drunkeness.
Still want it back?
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:50 am rating: +10
#13
ama
did you check under the doormat?
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:55 am rating: +16
#14
secondsout
I thought I was “welcome” to take a free doormat. My bad!
Jul 25, 2008 at 10:56 am rating: +13
#15
secondsout
And anyway, who the fuck gives a doormat as a gift? Was it a wedding present from someone with absolutely no taste?
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: +6
#16
ama
i already got this note, under my windshield wiper this morning.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:01 am rating: +1
#17
secondsout
Let’s hope this doormat didn’t belong to Lisa from Berkeley. If so, the person is trifling and disgusting. She probably wiped btwn her legs with that doormat, which must have been really painful.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:04 am rating: +5
#18
Jimmy Straightline
In no case do you want to recover a doormat from a person who would steal a doormat. It’s not out on a joy ride. It’s going to show some wear and tear, and very likely smells funny by now. Sorry Ma! Or Ali. Or whatever your chicken scratch says.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:09 am rating: +5
#19
amy d
The theft of her doormat kicked of a chain of events that is unfathomable. Someone just stole the sentimental value from my doormat!
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:12 am rating: +6
#20
Canthz_B
The doormat is hidden under her key.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:22 am rating: +19
#21
Canthz_B
The 12 year-olds that stole her doormat have to wait until after puberty to return it.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:25 am rating: +6
#22
Canthz_B
I notice she says “doormat” not “Welcome” mat.
It was probably one of those Lillian Vernon catalog novelty mats that read “Don’t Tread On Me”.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:31 am rating: +6
#23
Timo
If by “doormat” you meant flaming bad of shit here you go.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:34 am rating: +5
#24
Timo
Dang! ^bag
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: +1
#25
Ambie
It is widely unknown that doormat thieves are considered to belong to a class of highly unfeeling and callous criminals to which there is an abundance of in the most secluded and isolated prisons mainly for the public’s protection from this terrifying breed.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:46 am rating: +6
#25.8
Ambie
I ran out of commas last week and since then life has just been one damn breathless paragraph after another.
Jul 25, 2008 at 5:18 pm rating: +5
#25.9
AuntyBron
Boy George looked better when he dressed like a girl.
Jul 26, 2008 at 1:07 am rating: 0
#26
ama
and i’m sure the person who stole the doormat is going to leisurely return to the scene of the crime, read this handwritten note, and oblige. unless it’s true that 86% of doormat crimes are committed by someone you know.
Jul 25, 2008 at 11:58 am rating: +8
#27
ama
Dude, Where’s My Doormat?
the tearjerker of the year!
Jul 25, 2008 at 12:13 pm rating: +1
#28
Canthz_B
Thieves are not generally known as creatures of sentiment.
That would be an occupational liability.
“Wow, that lady left a diamond-studded purse in her seat at the opera. I would steal it, but it probably would make her feel bad.”
Jul 25, 2008 at 12:18 pm rating: +14
#29
amy d
To: Alix
From: Your Doormat
Nobody stole me, you heartless bitch! I walked away on my own power.
Why? What do you mean why??!!
Maybe it was because of the way you walked all over me. Perhaps it had something to do with you complaining to your friends that I was always underfoot.
I was a gift to you. Really???!!! Do you treat all your gifts like so much trash by wiping your feet on them? And to top it off, you claim I have sentimental value to you. Where was the sentimental value during the thunderstorm last week, huh? And what about that time the wind blew me a few doors down and you didn’t even come looking for me for, like, days?
In short, I am not lying down for this kind of treatment anymore. I am going someplace where I am truly appreciated. I’ll never cross your threshold again. Oh wait. You never let me inside anyway. Add that to my list of “Why I left you”.
♥ Peace. ♥
Jul 25, 2008 at 12:18 pm rating: +23
#30
Secretly Passive Aggresive
well, if I bought a welcome mat from this place and someone took it, I’d be pissed. They’re expensive! Cool, but expensive. lol
http://www.productdose.com/article.php?article_id=5654
Jul 25, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: 0
#31
Andy
The more I think about it, stealing someone’s doormat is a pretty hilarious act.
What must be going on in the visitor’s head when he/she decides to take it?
Did you visit before, notice the sentimental doormat and think to yourself, “I must have this” and return to pillage?
Are you a Jehovah’s witness that decided a free doormat was more important than spewing forth your religious garbage?
Did you walk up to the door and think to yourself, “That doormat looks fucking delicious”?
Whatever it was, come on. Be a grown up!
Jul 25, 2008 at 12:41 pm rating: +10
#32
ama
if you wanted to keep your doormat, you shouldn’t have let anyone come near it with a razor. your muff had sentimental value for me, too.
Jul 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: +5
#33
Ryan
To Quote One of the Best Lines in Movie History…. from “Drowning Mona”
the idiot Jeff Dearly as played by Marcus Thomas
(makes the miniature violin motion with his hand – his fingers rubbing):
“This is like the world’s smallest violin…. and it’s a… like a…. playin’ a song, or somethin’…”
Jul 25, 2008 at 1:02 pm rating: +2
#34
Wade
I don’t think that is Alix.
I think it is Ali d.
Yolanda tracked him from NYC to Austin and finally had her revenge.
Jul 25, 2008 at 1:33 pm rating: +3
#35
JPav
She can’t cough up the $15.99 to replace a “got beer?” door mat?
Jul 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: 0
#36
Ryan
By the way, Nice Knocker
Jul 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: +5
#37
Bellabeastie
If she really wanted that doormat back she’d offer a reward or something…
Or maybe the thief should replace her note with a ransom note. “If you ever want to see your sentimental doormat again…”
You know, with words cut out of magazines and stuff. That would get her attention !!
Jul 25, 2008 at 1:49 pm rating: +1
#38
Drave
I am officially de-lurking and registering after months and months of covert in-the-office PAN-handling!
I love this note because the writer has attached it to *their own door.* The thief already got your haute-couture welcome mat, unless you’ve got a planter full of doubloons waiting to be nicked or something do they really expect the person to come back and check again? The note IS from Texas, where I’m sure the gargantuan average home size means that the note would just be an illegible speck from street distance. Basically it’s like she’s posted a note so that she can get pissed off every day before coming home from work.
The last time *my* doormat was “stolen,” I walked down the street and fished it out of the neighbors’ shrubs– where the wind had left it.
Jul 25, 2008 at 2:04 pm rating: +19
#39
CrunchieUndies
I don’t get this thread at all … the note isn’t very passive-aggressive at all unless you count the underlining and the ‘be a grown up’ – both of which could be put down to genuine frustration at losing a valued item . As can the odd use of capitals – there’s no shift key on a biro! It’s a request, and looking at the picture it looks as though it’s an apartment or dorm door not a ’street’ door so no doubt this is a factor. As for “if your doormat has sentimental value, maybe it should be hanging on your wall instead of sitting on the ground?” then if your engagement ring or wedding ring has sentimental value it should be in your safety deposit box and not on your finger! Who can judge another’s allocation of ’sentimental value’? – maybe the doormat was the last thing bought for her by her poor dead mommy? and before anyone else say’s it – ‘boo-hoo’ … but seriously … how can this generate 83 comments in so short a time – I wish I knew the formula for that.
Jul 25, 2008 at 2:25 pm rating: +2
#40
Cricket
I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a DoorMats-R-Us kid.
Jul 25, 2008 at 3:26 pm rating: +2
#41
cricket
that doormat was fucking delicious.
Jul 25, 2008 at 3:28 pm rating: 0
#42
Ryan
What do you call a Matt with no arms and no legs in front of somebody else’s door?
Damn….
Jul 25, 2008 at 3:30 pm rating: +2
#43
GhostWriter
For those who want to take a Sentimental Journey, here’s your chance!
Someone took my sentimental doormat
Gone and left my front door bare
Someone took my sentimental doormat
Now it’s empty- you should care!
You got my mat; I got it from my Gramma
Spent each dime she could afford
I liked it while I wiped my Betsey Johnsons
I wanna see it back on the floor
Grow up! Now’s the time to be a grown-up
I’ll be hoping it will show up
Counting on a shame and guilt attack – to bring it back
I never thought my mat would leave my entry
How I cried when it was gone
Once you took my sentimental doormat
Some demented notions loom.
Jul 25, 2008 at 3:49 pm rating: +7
#44
aaa
If the doormat has such sentimental value, then why would you let people wipe their muddy feet all over it and leave it out in the open where people can steal it?
Jul 25, 2008 at 3:51 pm rating: 0
#45
Bellabeastie
You’re always funnee Mishee.
Jul 25, 2008 at 3:59 pm rating: +2
#46
GhostWriter
“Honey, will you puh-leeze get rid of that stupid “Gone Fishin’” doormat? I have my bridge club coming over tomorrow.”
“Sweetheart, I’d love to, but you know our little princess will object. It was her 30th anniversary gift to us!”
“Handsome, let’s face it- it was a lame gift, and we shouldn’t feel obligated to keep it, much less use it. You don’t even fish!”
“Gorgeous, I know! I’l put it in the trash tomorrow morning. But how can we break this to her? She’s always so damn proud of her inane gifts she gives us.”
“Darling, I have an idea…”
Jul 25, 2008 at 4:04 pm rating: +8
#47
agong
doormats are like a-holes, you always wanna take someone elses.
WHAT?
Jul 25, 2008 at 4:06 pm rating: +6
#48
Brian
My guess: It was a gift, but the kind of gift you put out just in case whoever gave it to you happens to stop by. The sentimental part is made up in a weak attempt to guilt the thief and fend off the natural “it’s just a doormat, bitch” responses.
Jul 25, 2008 at 4:09 pm rating: 0
#49
Grade Ape
You want to know what’s worse than giving someone a doormat?
Giving someone a SEASONAL doormat!
My sister gave me a F’n holiday’ish snowflake mat. Having snowflakes out in July’s 95 degree heat reflects poorly on the sanity of the homeowner. So now I gotta store this thing for no less than 6 months out of the year.
It’s been pissing me off for a year and now…FINALLY now… I have a forum in which to vent my frustration!
Jul 25, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: +7
#50
Kate
I live in a house on the corner of two relatively busy streets in my moderately sized town and stuff gets stolen all the time. For example, our mailbox was stolen (and subsequently returned and then stolen again.) We just got a PO Box.
Jul 25, 2008 at 4:29 pm rating: +3
#51
agong
I’m sorry but there is something fiendishly funny about stealing a mailbox, returning it AND than stealing it again!!
Jul 25, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: +1
#52
MisanthropicGirl
Alix is a bit overzealous with the exclamation points.
Jul 25, 2008 at 4:47 pm rating: 0
#53
PixelPerfect
I think this is a clear case of abandonment. If the doormat was cared for as professed, why would it be left out in the cold?
Someone RESCUED the doormat from a life of loneliness and abuse.
Jul 25, 2008 at 6:57 pm rating: +1
#54
eh
why should she hang it on a wall? it’s a fucking doormat, sentimental or not. she should be able to leave her doormat out without worrying about it being stolen. assholes. look now i am really pissed off about someone else’s stolen doormat i read about on the internet. gawd. btw, this ruined my otherwise perfect day.
Jul 25, 2008 at 8:49 pm rating: +2
#55
eh
now i’m even more pissed that my comment didnt get posted. ASS.
Jul 25, 2008 at 8:51 pm rating: 0
#56
ASS
I am not responsible for your postings. Please proceed to the Complaints section and ask for Mr. Douche Bag.
Jul 25, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: +5
#57
Wilma Jo
I am trying to find the note about “shout out from the catbox” by a person who can’t speak English very well. PLEASE help me! It is hysterical!
Thank you from Wilma Jo
Jul 26, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: 0
#58
buttercup78
She could be a horder. Empty Yoplait cups may have sentimental value in her world. Or maybe her mat was woven from the hairs of a dead pet or relative.
Jul 29, 2008 at 4:50 am rating: 0
#59
Crudbuckit
14 minutes and the all stars have resisted the urge to correct buttercup on her little speeling error….? Mishee, CB, snee, Clair, amy d, Wade, I congratulate you on this rare show of restraint!
Jul 30, 2008 at 10:06 am rating: 0
#60
Crudbuckit
16 minutes! But someone would have corrected me… right?
Jul 30, 2008 at 10:08 am rating: 0
#61
Crudbuckit
‘Kay, you got me on the “Clair” thing, same with the date. Really put myself on a platter for that one.
Not sure what gigglebrax means but I dig it. Fill me in!
Btw Ghostie don’t feel bad, you were on the All Star reserves bench. For every Jordan there’s gotta be a Pippen. If it makes you feel better it was a hasty list anyway and I went through a bit of post-posting angst about the team selection.
Was my ironic speeling mistake too acute?
Aug 1, 2008 at 5:15 am rating: 0
#62
annoyumus
I can understand that your upset about your doormat being stolen, but you have to remember there is a lot of people in the world that do these things. This is just like if you have Halloween pumpkins on your step, and people smash them. you cant do anything about it. Its just a doormat, so you need to grow up. If it was that important to you, then why did you put it on your porch?
Aug 2, 2008 at 12:53 am rating: 0
#63
Stop It
It was their doormat. Should they not put up a note? Go door to door? Conduct sweeps of the neighbourhood? Not every note is passive aggressive.
Aug 3, 2008 at 3:48 pm rating: 0
#64
morpho aurora
edited for gigglebraxing
Aug 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm rating: 0
#65
bedsy
wuvs..?
I just vomited a little bit in the back of my throat.
Aug 4, 2008 at 10:33 am rating: 0
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