Franger al fresco

July 26th, 2008 · 118 comments

Geetha in Sydney says this note appeared in the shared dining room the day after the city’s gay Mardi Gras. The best part? “A few people admitted the condom might be theirs, but nobody would take credit for the note.”

To the owner of this condom, the backyard is no place for the use of such things. Please use rooms provided. :)

related: Dearest roommate

FILED UNDER: roommates · sex sex sex · smiley · Sydney · visual aids


118 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Quite Contrary

    And why NOT the backyard?

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Claire

      Aaah! The things that can happen in the heat of the moment! I think we should applaud the mystery couple for at least using safe sex….Bravo! Bravo!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   wiggles

    The back yard is a perfectly good place to use a condom.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:11 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   ama

      especially when we’re talking about gay sex *wink*

      Jul 26, 2008 at 8:27 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Abe Froman

    The back yard is no place to use a condomn!Take your chances and do it raw!

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:13 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   William

    That condom was fucking delicious.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Drave bang

    Looks like the damn thing’s still in the package… if the owner of this condom actually used such things he’s a magician!

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   snee bang

      and for my next trick…

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:04 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   secondsout bang

      And by “trick,” I mean, who’s next?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:35 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   amazon bang

    I agree. The roof is a much more suitable place. ;)

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:52 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Claire

      Oooh…how about the FRONT yard? The driveway perchance?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 11:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Timo bang

      Right on the front porch in front of the doorway. Maybe people won’t notice that the mat is missing.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:43 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   kat

      perhaps on the bonnet of the car, like my female cat used to?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   AuntyBron

    Maybe the owner lost it while he was swinging from a tree during some hot monkey-love.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 1:04 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   SF Iris

    Dear housemate:

    Thank you for returning my condom. A dear friend gave it to me, and so had a lot of sentimental value.

    :)

    Jul 26, 2008 at 1:14 am   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   snee bang

      …and i’m sorry for writing the note demanding its safe return. that was not very gRoWN uP of me.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:11 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   fink

    I was trying to open it, but soon lost interest in the project and decided to move on without it.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 1:40 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   snee bang

      and so, Crinkle-Fest 2008–Down Under ends before it had really begun.

      another let down.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:07 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   park rose bang

      but yet, somehow not unexpected.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 8:21 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   snee bang

    i don’t enjoy happy faces with noses.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 2:13 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      It’s a snowman! :-P

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Please forward this note and my missing condom to my wife.
    She swears I cheated on her because she counts my condoms and I was one short.
    Do you know how lame “I must have lost one, Dear” sounds?

    Jul 26, 2008 at 2:34 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   snee bang

      on second thought, just forward the condom. the fact that i lost it in some guy’s backyard during gay mardi gras could remain our little secret.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:46 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Claire

      I can see an additional note written now: “Please do not use the paper towels for letter writing. They are to be used for wiping up messes and…eew…” followed by another note “Please do not tape condoms and/or their wrappers new or used to the furnishings. That is why we have a bulletin board in the backyard.”

      Jul 26, 2008 at 11:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Claire

      Or he could say, “I was so bored and lonely without you, baby, that I spent part of the night making balloon animals out of condoms. I would have brought one home to you, but airport security officials took them away from me.”

      Jul 26, 2008 at 11:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Claire

      My bad–guess the note, upon more careful re-reading, was NOT written upon paper towel at all, but some manky piece of paper…Excuse me…I am going to go get more coffee…

      Jul 26, 2008 at 11:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   nestchick

      It is on a shred of envelope- see the “printforce” on the side?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   Claire

      Clearly, nestchick, I thought that “printforce” was the boast of a papertowel maker about its product’s super ability to contain messes and strength under pressure…not unlike a condom when you think about it….

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Him: Come on Baby, we can do it under the stars.

    Her: Do you have protection?

    Him: Sure…*pulls out condom*

    Her: Oh Hell no! I’m not doing it with a no-frills rubber! *heads back to mardi gras party*

    Him: *Dejectedly drops cheap prophylactic and follows like a whipped puppy*

    Jul 26, 2008 at 2:42 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   DoppelFrog

      Hmm, I think you missed the bit about it being “gay madri gras” :-)

      Jul 26, 2008 at 7:07 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Canthz_B bang

      Indeed I did!
      Forgive me, it was 2:40am for me, and when my thoughts go to sex, they generally go straight to, well “straight”!! ;-)

      *insert “her” for “him”.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 9:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Canthz_B bang

      INSERT “HIM” FOR “HER”!!

      Although girl on girl is hotter!! ;-)

      Jul 26, 2008 at 9:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   park rose bang

      Well, it is the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras CB, but I guess there wouldn’t be much call for the condom for girl on girl action. :)

      Jul 26, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Claire

      CanthzB! You should be writing plays! This would be a hit not only in NYC, but all over the world! LOL!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 11:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   secondsout bang

      CB, did you mean to write “insert him into her?”

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Canthz_B bang

      Not at this Mardi Gras, Seconds!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 1:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   secondsout bang

      Well, it still could be if “her” refers to this lady.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   ellemarie bang

    The hilarity to me is in the word ‘provided’ off there at the end. They were trying to sound witty but it’s really quite creepy if you ask me… like s/he’s running some sort of cult, and “You may only have sex in your PROVIDED sex rooms. (Where I may observe you and take notes.)”

    Jul 26, 2008 at 2:44 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   snee bang

      creepy yes. but isn’t there some other name for provided sex rooms? hmm, what was that…?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   ellemarie bang

      …’Rooms’.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      “House of ill repute”?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   amy d bang

      My house.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 7:45 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   elvinpixie

      The Champagne Room?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   secondsout bang

      Amy, your house includes a back yard, right? OK, sweet!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   Timo bang

      Amy is running a cathouse?!? :shock: :wink:

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   amy d bang

      Me- ow , pfft, pfft.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   RunBarbara bang

      ive been to amy’s house and the first place she took me was her backyard. it was a little awkward at first but after a few minutes i hardly noticed the video camera.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   snee bang

      prison? no, that’s not it.

      got it! boarding school!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:12 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.11   Bunnee

      Confessional booths.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.12   Mishee bang

      yes RB, I saw the video camera – it was hidden behind the ficus…

      amy’s house is like a creepy abandoned amusement park… its fun!!

      Jul 28, 2008 at 8:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Troy McClure bang

    If you run a Gay Mardis Gras, and local wowsers can find nothing more to complain about than whether sex is indoors or out, ur doing it rong.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 3:03 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Stringyhair

    Dear Condom User,

    We can’t charge you for a room if you use the back yard. Please be more considerate to our financial situation.

    Thanks!

    Jul 26, 2008 at 4:22 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   TygerAKC bang

    What’s wrong with the backyard? My first child was concieved in the backyard!

    Jul 26, 2008 at 6:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   TygerAKC bang

      needless to say…that wasn’t my condom!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 9:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   secondsout bang

      It could have been. You just didn’t use it, apparently.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Burghardt

      What did you name this child? Turf? Sod? Under the Shade of the Apple Tree?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   kat

      tacky pickup line-”what sign were you born under, baby?’
      Tyger’s child’s response “keep off the grass”

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:02 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   oh sure!

      What’s wrong with getting nekkie in the backyard? Um, Lyme Disease?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 9:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   TygerAKC bang

      close…skeeter bites on the hubby”s butt! ;)

      Jul 26, 2008 at 9:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.7   elvinpixie

      Or worse… poison ivy in very uncomfortable places.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 10:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.8   morpho aurora bang

      fire ants
      and that’s all i’m gonna say

      Jul 26, 2008 at 10:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.9   Claire

      Do they even have fire ants and poison ivy in Australia?

      Jul 27, 2008 at 11:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   se

    I think that the ending is not there because the note writer ran out of room.
    The ending was to have been “provided you can drag him up the stairs”

    Jul 26, 2008 at 10:20 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   ama

    oh baby, it turns me on when you read the surprisingly complex paragraph about STIs on the condom wrapper…

    Jul 26, 2008 at 11:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      Nothing like a little light reading to get one “in the mood”.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 11:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   amazon bang

      I personally like the usage instructions that come in the box.

      (Hee hee, I said “come in the box.”)

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Burghardt

      the diagrams crack me up, like you can’t figure out what goes where. If you need pictures to figure that out, having a condom is the least of your worries.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Canthz_B bang

      Hey, it’s not easy for guys!
      All we’ve ever seen is the cutaway view from mom’s tampon packaging our first time a lot of times! WTF is that?! It’s like relying on mapquest! :eek:

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   amazon bang

      Actually, if you need a diagram, PLEASE use a condom, and don’t breed! “Three generations of imbeciles are enough,” indeed!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Canthz_B bang

      Actually, humans are the only…nevermind…

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   sprucemoose

      Remember, we were talking about gays? We don’t breed, as a rule.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 3:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    I suspect the arrow on the note is there because above the condom is the “Today’s Special” chalk board featuring rump roast and a tossed salad!

    Jul 26, 2008 at 11:51 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Timo bang

      The subtle beauty of this comment is going unappreciated.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Timo bang

      CB I bow before your sparkling wordplay it is brilliant.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 1:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Canthz_B bang

      Don’t bow too deeply at the Gay Mardi Gras, Timo! ;-)

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Canthz_B bang

      Tomorrow’s special is a nicely trimmed loin! :-P

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   Timo bang

      I really hope that they have clams for the special too.

      I will only nod head then. :lol:

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   Canthz_B bang

      Let’s just hope it’s not crab night! :-P

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   Canthz_B bang

      Clams!…LOL…The cervix is a “little neck”! :-)

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.8   Timo bang

      If I ever see Geoduck on the special I am going elsewhere.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   secondsout bang

    The back yard is no place for an orphaned condom, yet somehow the shared dining room is?

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   RunBarbara bang

      there is a lot to be shared in a dining room , sout. maybe you just havent been to the right “dinner party”….

      Jul 26, 2008 at 1:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   secondsout bang

      Maybe you haven’t been to the right back yard parties!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 2:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe you haven’t been to the right “get together”! ;-) ;-)

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe it’s a “cock-tail” party!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.5   se

      “cock-tails” and manwiches, back yard, 1AM

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.6   marcopuffin bang

      with a finger buffet for starters

      Jul 26, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.7   amazon bang

      Is it all you can eat?

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.8   RunBarbara bang

      all of you- my house, ten pm. wear your unitards and bring a snorkel. its going to be a long night.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:29 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   secondsout bang

    It almost looks like it says that the back yard is no place for such thumbs. I suppose you wouldn’t need a condom if you used your thumb.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   amazon bang

      Please don’t use a thumb in their “back yard.”

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   RunBarbara bang

      no thumb in the “backyard”? damn, thats how momma comes home.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Red Letterboxer

    I appreciate the author’s thoughtfulness in providing an arrow in the margin – just in case the person was in doubt as to which condom he was writing about. “This one! Not that other one that I’ve tacked up by the toaster.”

    Although he should be careful, as an arrow in the margin can be quite painful.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 1:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Lurker

    But it was raining! And Dad told me to always wear a raincoat!

    Jul 26, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   se

    What’s the problem here? Isn’t the back yard usually where one goes in the back door?

    Jul 26, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, se, you do see by the dawn’s early light!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   se

      CB, I always get up at the crack of Dawn, sometimes more than once a day.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Canthz_B bang

      I know what you mean, se.
      It’s nice to awaken with the crack of Dawn upon you!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 3:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   morpho aurora bang

      cb – :P

      Jul 26, 2008 at 10:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   aaa

    Honestly, the note-writer is doing us all a favor. Not only are they trying to keep people from being arrested for sexing in public and littering, but they’re offering a free condom for anyone who wants it. Just another shining example of the spirit of brotherhood and civility of Mardi Gras.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 2:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    Shows you what I know.
    I thought Gay intercourse takes place in the “back yard”. :mrgreen:

    Jul 26, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Mishee bang

    See, this is why I don’t use condoms.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 4:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   RunBarbara bang

      you must get awfully tired of rinsing your mouth out, then.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:31 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Mishee bang

      well if you would stop squirting I wouldn’t have an issue!

      I don’t mind though, you taste like candy canes…

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   RunBarbara bang

      two words: dental dam

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Mishee bang

      and you bring this up JUST NOW?

      thx.

      Jul 26, 2008 at 5:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   ama

    it could have fallen out of somebody’s pocket. darn skinny jeans.

    Jul 26, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   morpho aurora bang

    maybe it was a couple of boy scouts. oh wait, never mind

    Jul 26, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Canthz_B bang

      They were prepared, as usual, but which merit badge would that be? Fly Fishing? Plumbing? Pioneering?! :-)

      Jul 27, 2008 at 12:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   morpho aurora bang

      maybe all of the above, if the boy scouts accepted gay members.

      Jul 27, 2008 at 1:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Holiday Djinn

      my guess for the merit badge:

      Spelunking!

      Jul 28, 2008 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   morpho aurora bang

    oops gigglebraxing

    Jul 27, 2008 at 1:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Miss Inlink

    I would’ve thought comments about children would be off limits, but doesn’t appear so.
    “Fly Fishing” “Plumbing” are real funny. Is that what comes to your mind when you think Boy Scouts?

    Jul 27, 2008 at 7:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Canthz_B bang

      Do I really have to explain a Boy Scouts joke to you? Have you been under a rock for 15 years? Yes, Scout Masters sexually abusing Boy Scouts is what comes to mind when I think Boy Scouts. I don’t trust grown men in shorts out in the woods with impressionable boys.

      And I suppose the whole Gay rights and Boy Scouts of America legal case just missed your corner of the world as well.

      If you don’t understand a joke, ignore it. Don’t judge it.

      Jul 27, 2008 at 8:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Miss Inlink

      Now I’m curious.
      What does the Gay rights have to do with “Scoutmasters sexually abusing Boy Scouts”?
      Are you saying that gay men, if left alone with a group of boys, will sexually abuse those boys?

      And I still fail to see where the “Boy Scout Joke” is?

      Jul 27, 2008 at 8:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   Claire

      S’mores come to mind…as in “Oooh, that was great!!! May I have s’more?” :-)

      Jul 28, 2008 at 9:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      Gay Rights and Boy Scouts. *ahem* There was a legal case here in the US regarding allowing gay men to be Scout Masters/Troop Leaders. The Scout Masters/Troop Leaders molesting their Troop members was a separate issue.
      Furthermore (I could be wrong) the Boy Scout joke was a reference to the Boy Scout motto “Always be prepared” and possibly also to the Perry Bible Fellowship cartoon seen here

      Jul 28, 2008 at 9:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   bekah

    haha oh wow

    Jul 28, 2008 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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