franger al fresco

July 26th, 2008 · 118 comments

geetha in sydney says this note appeared in the shared dining room the day after the city’s gay mardi gras. the best part? “a few people admitted the condom might be theirs, but nobody would take credit for the note.”

related: dearest roommate

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FILED UNDER: roommates · seattle · smiley · stealing · sydney · visual aids

118 responses so far ↓

#1 Quite Contrary

And why NOT the backyard?

Jul 26, 2008 at 12:10 am rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #1.1 Claire
  
  Aaah! The things that can happen in the heat of the moment! I think we should applaud the mystery couple for at least using safe sex….Bravo! Bravo!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 11:19 am rating: +6
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#2 wiggles

The back yard is a perfectly good place to use a condom.

Jul 26, 2008 at 12:11 am rating: +10

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- #2.1 ama
  
  especially when we’re talking about gay sex *wink*
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 8:27 am rating: +10
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#3 Abe Froman

The back yard is no place to use a condomn!Take your chances and do it raw!

Jul 26, 2008 at 12:13 am rating: +6

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#4 William

That condom was fucking delicious.

Jul 26, 2008 at 12:28 am rating: +7

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#5 Drave

Looks like the damn thing’s still in the package… if the owner of this condom actually used such things he’s a magician!

Jul 26, 2008 at 12:30 am rating: +9

reply to this comment
- #5.1 snee
  
  and for my next trick…
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:04 am rating: +11
- #5.2 secondsout
  
  And by “trick,” I mean, who’s next?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: +11
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#6 amazon

I agree. The roof is a much more suitable place.

Jul 26, 2008 at 12:52 am rating: +5

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- #6.1 Claire
  
  Oooh…how about the FRONT yard? The driveway perchance?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 11:21 am rating: +3
- #6.2 Timo
  
  Right on the front porch in front of the doorway. Maybe people won’t notice that the mat is missing.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:43 pm rating: +21
- #6.3 kat
  
  perhaps on the bonnet of the car, like my female cat used to?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 4:59 pm rating: +1
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#7 AuntyBron

Maybe the owner lost it while he was swinging from a tree during some hot monkey-love.

Jul 26, 2008 at 1:04 am rating: +4

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#8 SF Iris

Dear housemate:

Thank you for returning my condom. A dear friend gave it to me, and so had a lot of sentimental value.

Jul 26, 2008 at 1:14 am rating: +39

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- #8.1 snee
  
  …and i’m sorry for writing the note demanding its safe return. that was not very gRoWN uP of me.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:11 am rating: +10
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#9 fink

I was trying to open it, but soon lost interest in the project and decided to move on without it.

Jul 26, 2008 at 1:40 am rating: +19

reply to this comment
- #9.1 snee
  
  and so, Crinkle-Fest 2008–Down Under ends before it had really begun.
  
  another let down.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:07 am rating: +23
- #9.2 park rose
  
  but yet, somehow not unexpected.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 8:21 am rating: +5
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#10 snee

i don’t enjoy happy faces with noses.

Jul 26, 2008 at 2:13 am rating: +12

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- #10.1 Canthz_B
  
  It’s a snowman!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:50 am rating: +4
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#11 Canthz_B

Please forward this note and my missing condom to my wife.
She swears I cheated on her because she counts my condoms and I was one short.
Do you know how lame “I must have lost one, Dear” sounds?

Jul 26, 2008 at 2:34 am rating: +22

reply to this comment
- #11.1 snee
  
  on second thought, just forward the condom. the fact that i lost it in some guy’s backyard during gay mardi gras could remain our little secret.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:46 am rating: +26
- #11.2 Claire
  
  I can see an additional note written now: “Please do not use the paper towels for letter writing. They are to be used for wiping up messes and…eew…” followed by another note “Please do not tape condoms and/or their wrappers new or used to the furnishings. That is why we have a bulletin board in the backyard.”
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 11:24 am rating: +3
- #11.3 Claire
  
  Or he could say, “I was so bored and lonely without you, baby, that I spent part of the night making balloon animals out of condoms. I would have brought one home to you, but airport security officials took them away from me.”
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 11:27 am rating: +4
- #11.4 Claire
  
  My bad–guess the note, upon more careful re-reading, was NOT written upon paper towel at all, but some manky piece of paper…Excuse me…I am going to go get more coffee…
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 11:31 am rating: +3
- #11.5 nestchick
  
  It is on a shred of envelope- see the “printforce” on the side?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: +1
- #11.6 Claire
  
  Clearly, nestchick, I thought that “printforce” was the boast of a papertowel maker about its product’s super ability to contain messes and strength under pressure…not unlike a condom when you think about it….
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 4:18 pm rating: +2
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#12 Canthz_B

Him: Come on Baby, we can do it under the stars.

Her: Do you have protection?

Him: Sure…*pulls out condom*

Her: Oh Hell no! I’m not doing it with a no-frills rubber! *heads back to mardi gras party*

Him: *Dejectedly drops cheap prophylactic and follows like a whipped puppy*

Jul 26, 2008 at 2:42 am rating: +13

reply to this comment
- #12.1 DoppelFrog
  
  Hmm, I think you missed the bit about it being “gay madri gras”
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 7:07 am rating: +8
- #12.2 Canthz_B
  
  Indeed I did!
  Forgive me, it was 2:40am for me, and when my thoughts go to sex, they generally go straight to, well “straight”!!
  
  *insert “her” for “him”.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 9:30 am rating: +6
- #12.3 Canthz_B
  
  INSERT “HIM” FOR “HER”!!
  
  Although girl on girl is hotter!!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 9:37 am rating: +2
- #12.4 park rose
  
  Well, it is the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras CB, but I guess there wouldn’t be much call for the condom for girl on girl action.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 9:44 am rating: +3
- #12.5 Claire
  
  CanthzB! You should be writing plays! This would be a hit not only in NYC, but all over the world! LOL!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 11:26 am rating: 0
- #12.6 secondsout
  
  CB, did you mean to write “insert him into her?”
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:37 pm rating: +1
- #12.7 Canthz_B
  
  Not at this Mardi Gras, Seconds!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 1:26 pm rating: +2
- #12.8 secondsout
  
  Well, it still could be if “her” refers to this lady.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:57 pm rating: +1
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#13 ellemarie

The hilarity to me is in the word ‘provided’ off there at the end. They were trying to sound witty but it’s really quite creepy if you ask me… like s/he’s running some sort of cult, and “You may only have sex in your PROVIDED sex rooms. (Where I may observe you and take notes.)”

Jul 26, 2008 at 2:44 am rating: +9

reply to this comment
- #13.1 snee
  
  creepy yes. but isn’t there some other name for provided sex rooms? hmm, what was that…?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:49 am rating: +2
- #13.2 ellemarie
  
  …’Rooms’.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:51 am rating: +1
- #13.3 Canthz_B
  
  “House of ill repute”?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 2:54 am rating: +2
- #13.4 amy d
  
  My house.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 7:45 am rating: +13
- #13.5 elvinpixie
  
  The Champagne Room?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 10:46 am rating: +1
- #13.6 secondsout
  
  Amy, your house includes a back yard, right? OK, sweet!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:38 pm rating: 0
- #13.7 Timo
  
  Amy is running a cathouse?!?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:49 pm rating: 0
- #13.8 amy d
  
  Me- ow , pfft, pfft.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: +3
- #13.9 RunBarbara
  
  ive been to amy’s house and the first place she took me was her backyard. it was a little awkward at first but after a few minutes i hardly noticed the video camera.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 1:36 pm rating: +9
- #13.10 snee
  
  prison? no, that’s not it.
  
  got it! boarding school!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 3:12 pm rating: +6
- #13.11 Bunnee
  
  Confessional booths.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 3:53 pm rating: +6
- #13.12 Mishee
  
  yes RB, I saw the video camera - it was hidden behind the ficus…
  
  amy’s house is like a creepy abandoned amusement park… its fun!!
  
  Jul 28, 2008 at 8:38 am rating: +1
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#14 Troy McClure

If you run a Gay Mardis Gras, and local wowsers can find nothing more to complain about than whether sex is indoors or out, ur doing it rong.

Jul 26, 2008 at 3:03 am rating: +14

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#15 Stringyhair

Dear Condom User,

We can’t charge you for a room if you use the back yard. Please be more considerate to our financial situation.

Thanks!

Jul 26, 2008 at 4:22 am rating: +13

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#16 TygerAKC

What’s wrong with the backyard? My first child was concieved in the backyard!

Jul 26, 2008 at 6:40 am rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #16.1 TygerAKC
  
  needless to say…that wasn’t my condom!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: +3
- #16.2 secondsout
  
  It could have been. You just didn’t use it, apparently.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:34 pm rating: +2
- #16.3 Burghardt
  
  What did you name this child? Turf? Sod? Under the Shade of the Apple Tree?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 3:42 pm rating: +1
- #16.4 kat
  
  tacky pickup line-”what sign were you born under, baby?’
  Tyger’s child’s response “keep off the grass”
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 5:02 pm rating: +10
- #16.5 oh sure!
  
  What’s wrong with getting nekkie in the backyard? Um, Lyme Disease?
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 9:00 pm rating: 0
- #16.6 TygerAKC
  
  close…skeeter bites on the hubby”s butt!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 9:25 pm rating: +1
- #16.7 elvinpixie
  
  Or worse… poison ivy in very uncomfortable places.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 10:14 pm rating: 0
- #16.8 morpho aurora
  
  fire ants
  and that’s all i’m gonna say
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 10:22 pm rating: +4
- #16.9 Claire
  
  Do they even have fire ants and poison ivy in Australia?
  
  Jul 27, 2008 at 11:51 am rating: 0
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#17 se

I think that the ending is not there because the note writer ran out of room.
The ending was to have been “provided you can drag him up the stairs”

Jul 26, 2008 at 10:20 am rating: +9

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#18 ama

oh baby, it turns me on when you read the surprisingly complex paragraph about STIs on the condom wrapper…

Jul 26, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #18.1 Canthz_B
  
  Nothing like a little light reading to get one “in the mood”.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 11:45 am rating: +2
- #18.2 amazon
  
  I personally like the usage instructions that come in the box.
  
  (Hee hee, I said “come in the box.”)
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: +9
- #18.3 Burghardt
  
  the diagrams crack me up, like you can’t figure out what goes where. If you need pictures to figure that out, having a condom is the least of your worries.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: +2
- #18.4 Canthz_B
  
  Hey, it’s not easy for guys!
  All we’ve ever seen is the cutaway view from mom’s tampon packaging our first time a lot of times! WTF is that?! It’s like relying on mapquest!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 4:37 pm rating: +6
- #18.5 amazon
  
  Actually, if you need a diagram, PLEASE use a condom, and don’t breed! “Three generations of imbeciles are enough,” indeed!
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 5:24 pm rating: 0
- #18.6 Canthz_B
  
  Actually, humans are the only…nevermind…
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 5:31 pm rating: +1
- #18.7 sprucemoose
  
  Remember, we were talking about gays? We don’t breed, as a rule.
  
  Jul 30, 2008 at 3:24 am rating: 0
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#19 Canthz_B

I suspect the arrow on the note is there because above the condom is the “Today’s Special” chalk board featuring rump roast and a tossed salad!

Jul 26, 2008 at 11:51 am rating: +23

reply to this comment
- #19.1 Timo
  
  The subtle beauty of this comment is going unappreciated.
  
  Jul 26, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: +1

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

franger al fresco

July 26th, 2008 · 118 comments

118 responses so far ↓