If you’ve ever tut-tutted over the consequences of big-box stores and online retailers overtaking small businesses, you’ll be heartened to hear that some folks have figured out how to bring those old-fashioned mom-n-pop ideas about customer service into the digital age…with the help of a big ol’ corporation called eBay!
While browsing the auction site for some new shades, my pal Josh stumbled across one such example — a listing from a Florida-based eBayer who goes by the name of whiteblizzard70.
This goes on for several more paragraphs (see for yourself), but I’ll skip to my favorite part — the postscript.
(Josh decided not to bid.)
related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers
extra credit: How do you get out of an ebay auction? [consumerist.com]
P.S. This post reminded me of another note my friend Josh told me about a few months back — a piece of reader mail he’d received as an editor at the music mag Blender. Granted, most readers who take the time to write in to magazines like Blender are at least a little bit…off, to say the least. But the last part of this letter — a response to an “Ask Blender” column about the urban legend that Debbie Harry of Blondie was once abducted by Ted Bundy — is genuinely spine-chilling. (Passive-aggressive? Not so much. Creepy? Um, yes.)
318 responses so far ↓
#1
mamacita
Gah — I can’t read the Debbie Harry note. Transcription, please? (Pretty please with a cherry on top.)
Jul 27, 2008 at 12:55 am rating: 4
#2
TuesdayPillow
Yeah I am having a hard time. I think he has the word “cunting” in there but I’m not sure.
p.s. love the ebay note. I would buy from that dude in a second.
Jul 27, 2008 at 1:19 am rating: 3
#3
Canthz_B
Whiteblizzard70 is he Anti-Burger King!
Have it my way or not at all, you inbred nincompoops! I’m here to make money, not a good impression!
Jul 27, 2008 at 1:48 am rating: 14
#4
Rulial
Keith Jesperson is a serial killer known for sending notes to the media signed with happy faces.
http://blog.oregonlive.com/breakingnews/2007/07/28/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Hunter_Jesperson
Jul 27, 2008 at 1:53 am rating: 0
#5
brad
That’s some awesome customer service. Would love to see someone take him (and everyone else doing it) to task for somehow thinking that they aren’t responsible for items that never get to the customer’s door.
Jul 27, 2008 at 1:56 am rating: 2
#6
Canthz_B
Good to know that serial killers keep an accurate accounting of who was in their car and who was not…I guess.
But do they really have the right to get pissed if someone asks, “Did you give me a ride once and not kill me? Why was I not worthy?”
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:01 am rating: 6
#7
Canthz_B
Ted Bundy broke Debbie Harry’s Heart of Glass!
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:04 am rating: 1
#8
Canthz_B
Whiteblizzard70, Dude you have a 98.4% positive rating! WTF is there to bitch about besides running out of your meds?
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:12 am rating: 6
#9
zombieBlanco
If you have anger management problems, patience deficiencies, problems with common sense, reading skills problems, high lead or mercury levels & other mental or unresolved personal problems that may negatively impact your demeanor and conduct on this site, Welcome to PAN!
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:15 am rating: 42
#10
Canthz_B
The nice guy who volunteers to walk you to your car after work may be a serial killer?
So much for chivalry on my part!
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:22 am rating: 2
#11
gina
damn, someone needs to tell mr. ebay man to clean his nails & take a chill pill or 10.
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:27 am rating: 6
#12
zombieBlanco
Keith Jesperson killed at least eight people.
Let’s not dishonour the victims, their families and ourselves by commenting on a note that is not appropriate for this site.
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:34 am rating: 14
#13
Sarah
I wonder if whiteblizzard70 is also this guy:
http://xkcd.com/325/
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:37 am rating: 6
#14
snee
now i wonder, do canadians count as “overseas buyers” or “homegrown imbeciles” since canada is neither over the seas or in the u.s.? where would that leave me if i were so desperate as to want to buy sunglasses, an office chair, or a bobcat from mr. ebay pinhead? and what if something not listed negatively impacted my demeanor? what then???
so many questions.
Jul 27, 2008 at 3:10 am rating: 9
#15
snee
Jul 27, 2008 at 3:23 am rating: 39
#16
Burghardt
Note 1 reminds me of a guy I almost rented a place from. When I asked for a showing he said, “hey, I can show it to you but you’ve got to be there, I mean, I have a life too. None of this, ‘oh yeah, I want to see it’ then not show up. I mean, that’s so wrong. I have a life, stuff to do.” and on and on. I felt like I needed to apologize for…something.
also, his voice mail said he was Pablo Escobar and his email was voodoostick. And he showed me the place with only swim trunks on.
Jul 27, 2008 at 3:27 am rating: 16
#17
Ambie
Apparently only Jesus himself can bid on the auctions.
Jul 27, 2008 at 4:37 am rating: 6
#18
Burghardt
I like how the ebay guy accuses ebay of having a “draconian (communist)” approach to feedback and that’s why he won’t leave any. I don’t think communism allows for feedback. That would defeat the purpose.
“Uh, Mr. Dictator, sir. I don’t like the way you seized and slaughtered my family without cause. Next time could you give me some advanced warning and assure me it will be done humanely. That would be great. Thanks.”
Jul 27, 2008 at 5:00 am rating: 30
#19
Delurker
The thing is, Floridians are a little sensitive and defensive after the 2000 presidential election debacle. The world thought we didn’t know how to vote, when we knew the fault was with those who didn’t know how to count. Al Gore agrees with us on this.
Jul 27, 2008 at 7:27 am rating: 15
#20
marcopuffin
I love the way this blistering ebay rant accompanies a “gently used” second hand wedding ring – aah, the power of love!
Jul 27, 2008 at 8:10 am rating: 5
#21
Beebo
The thing that really gets me is not the note, but the disgustingly dirty fingernails in the picture. *retch*
Jul 27, 2008 at 9:14 am rating: 3
#22
ama
For someone who’s name is whiteblizzard, you’d think they’d be a little happier the rest of the time…
Jul 27, 2008 at 10:33 am rating: 0
#23
Ingrid
I want to copy and paste all that into MY ebay profile. I feel the same exact way when I sell on ebay- I type every freakin detail out but still get the same stupid questions because people can’t read or are too lazy. The worst ARE the USA homegrowns- I’ve NEVER had a problem with international buyers and they’ve never asked a stupid question.
Jul 27, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: 3
#24
Mishee
I should have NEVER gotten into that truck.
Jul 27, 2008 at 12:16 pm rating: 6
#25
trustme
I take offense to “most readers who take the time to write in to magazines like blender are at least a little bit…off, to say the least.”
Whateves. I’m glad I recently took the time to submit a correction to Blender. Bill Cosby DOES have an Ed.D., not a Ph.D.
Obviously I am ON, at the MOST. Sheesh.
Jul 27, 2008 at 1:11 pm rating: 2
#26
TastyPrawn
I hate ebay . I purchased a book from someone on ebay recently and it was sent to the wrong address. I finally got it (after ages, and much forwarding), so I left the seller a “neutral” feedback saying that she shipped my item to the wrong address.
She responded and blasted me with “What you did was against ebay policy” because “it was a honest mistake that it was sent to the wrong address” and “neutral feedback is no different from negative feedback,” but that I “should have still left positive feedback” for her. (Never mind that she was a “Powerseller” with over 2000 feedback already… Not that my positive feedback would have really mean anything to her.)
Man, I wish I had known that so I could have left her a negative feedback instead!
So, if “sent to a different address than the one the purchaser provided” doesn’t warrant neutral feedback, what does?
Jul 27, 2008 at 2:36 pm rating: 21
#27
Joy
IMO this ebay seller guy is the biggest jerk to appear here since I’ve been reading.
This guy doesn’t have the faintest concept of what “customer service” is. If you can’t deal with repetitive, stupid questions, you shouldn’t have anything to do with retail sales, and this guy should really find another profession.
And there’s no such thing as “parcel post.” USPS hasn’t had anything by that name for awhile.
And calling ebay “communists” is just stupid.
Jul 27, 2008 at 3:51 pm rating: 11
#28
M
I find it so surprising that such a guy would be selling a wedding band on eBay… I mean, I’d keep him around…
Jul 27, 2008 at 4:02 pm rating: 5
#29
Miss Unloop
Heaven forbid this guy should ever have to pay rent for a brick and mortar space in which to sell his wares. While I’ve had generally good eBay experiences, there’s no telling how many folks have been effed by sellers they’ve never seen but trusted anyway. This guy is a prick, plain and simple.
Jul 27, 2008 at 6:07 pm rating: 5
#30
anglophile
So rarely has a notewriter appeared with such impeccable proof of their worthiness of a PAN posting!
I give you a Postive feedback!
Hey! That didn’t gigglebrax! My apologies.
Jul 27, 2008 at 7:34 pm rating: 15
#31
aaa
If the seller finds eBay’s new rules to be so “draconian (communist)” (because draconian and communist are interchangeable and definitely mean exactly the same thing), then why are they still on eBay?
I don’t use eBay, so I’m not sure what rules and regulations they have for sellers and feeback, but it seems like negative feedback would be a problem between the seller and the person who left the feedback. What role does the Evil Communist eBay have in this?
Also, I like how they have problems only with “A HOME-GROWN IMBECILES.” Can I assume, dear seller, you are of the same stock due to your rampant caps-lock and inability to realize that “a” doesn’t belong in front of a pluralized word?
Jul 27, 2008 at 8:46 pm rating: 12
#32
aaa
P.S.
I was going to say that I was surprised that they have a 98.4% positive rating, but since they only allow feedback for some transactions, I’m getting the feeling that they only allow feedback for the transactions that go well (or where the buyer is too lacking in testicular fortitude to complain) and disallow feedback for the sales where the buyer was not satisfied with the service. Since this seller feels the need to put this caps-locked diatribe in the item description, I bet that they dick over their customers left and right. Either that or they’re just slightly nutty. Or both. Which means that we should keep an eye out on whiteblizzard70 for future fun an games.
Kids, this is why you use Amazon Marketplace. They’re not very fond of sellers who dick their customers around and tell you to take your lumps like a man. Or woman. Or mature adult hermaphrodite. Whatever.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=1161258
http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=1161284
Jul 27, 2008 at 8:57 pm rating: 6
#33
aaa
Oh my, I completely overlooked whiteblizzard70′s post. Whiteblizzard70, I have some advice for you.
If your rant was indeed supposed to be sarcastic (which I’m sure it wasn’t), sarcasm falls flat in text form. We have no idea what your tone of voice is or what facial expressions you’re making as your typing it.
That being said, I am 100% convinced that you were being completely serious. Usually when you accuse others of having no sense of humor when you’re obviously trying to be funny, it’s just a ploy to save face and try to make yourself appear to be less of an ass than you actually are. It never works. Ever. Don’t do it if you don’t want to be mocked in a public forum like the internet.
That being said, whiteblizzard70, please continue to post your angry and off-kilter rants on the internet. It amuses us greatly and we thoroughly enjoy discussing them and mocking your blatant stupidity. The idiocy displayed in this blog is a shining beacon of joy in our otherwise dull and dreary day and we appreciate your contribution.
Thank you so much whiteblizzard70. *sniff* I’m getting a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. The Progressive Era was neither progressive nor an era. Discuss!
Jul 27, 2008 at 9:14 pm rating: 28
#34
SenseOfHumor
Does WhiteBlizzard sell hats to be brought to “Mongolia” BBQ Potlucks…? If not, I may leave negative feedback for Casey in Human Resources.
Thx,
Sandra
Jul 27, 2008 at 9:51 pm rating: 11
#35
WHITEBLIZZARD70
Yep, and buy your Barak tank tops here folks,
VOTE FOR CHANGE !
Jul 27, 2008 at 10:02 pm rating: 0
#36
Lurker
EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM I HAD WAS WITH A HOME-GROWN IMBECILES. SO IF YOU HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS, PATIENCE DEFICIENCIES, PROBLEMS WITH COMMON SENSE, READING SKILLS PROBLEMS, HIGH LEAD OR MERCURY LEVELS & OTHER MENTAL OR UNRESOLVED PERSONAL PROBLEMS THAT MAY NEGATIVELY IMPACT YOUR DEMEANOR AND CONDUCT ON THIS SITE, PLEASE DO NOT BID ON MY AUCTIONS ! THANK YOU.
BY THE WAY, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT.
Jul 27, 2008 at 10:02 pm rating: 22
#37
Me
OMG…that was so funny I nearly fell out of my chair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jul 27, 2008 at 11:16 pm rating: 0
#38
ellemarie
whiteblizzard, do you sell microwave locks?
(I figured if anyone did…)
‘to each his own microwave’
Jul 28, 2008 at 12:36 am rating: 4
#39
SchrodingersDuck
The Time Cube approach to selling on eBay?
If EBAY existed HE would be EVIL to DENY4 opposite-corner day postage estimate.
**************************************
Draconian (COMMUNIST) ebay has ALTERED your FEEDBACK. You cannot give feedback opposite to what I want. Will ebay once again ignore the smartest seller on the internet?
Jul 28, 2008 at 8:15 am rating: 10
#40
Red Letterboxer
The obvious explanation is that when WB70 was attending community college he accidentally took a Typing Skills class instead of Business 101. Which explains why he doesn’t understand certain basic principals of capitalism, but has got a firm grip on the concept of CAPITALISM.
Jul 28, 2008 at 9:00 am rating: 17
#41
Lanj
When I clicked on it, they were selling a women’s wedding band. After reading the ebay note, this person selling a wedding band kind of makes sense!
Jul 28, 2008 at 9:04 am rating: 1
#42
Delurker
I don’t normally read the comments here more than once a day, but since the frequent postings of WhiteBlizzard70, oh, wait, that should be WHITEBLIZZARD70, started showing up, I find myself coming back repeatedly to see what kind of snit he’s in now. I can just imagine the pacifier dropping from his mouth as he flings his blankie to the ground and jumps up and down, waving his arms as if he’s trying to fly. It makes me laugh.
I also have a new answer for people when they ask why I would move from FL to the midwest. I’m going to quit saying I wanted a change and I’m just going to answer “WHITEBLIZZARD70.” That should be explanation enough, right?
Jul 28, 2008 at 10:17 am rating: 13
#43
Grade Ape
WHITEBLIZZARD70,
You’re one of those sellers/people that is always blaming others. “It wasn’t my shitty packing job… the post office must have abused it.” You wave your finger around at everyone else instead of taking responsibility for your own actions.
You set up a sale with an ALL CAPS rant to create a series of loop holes and excuses to get you off the proverbial hook. If something does go wrong you can always point back and say “If you had read my description thoroughly…” I read negative feedback you left for someone that said “I never promised to ship quickly…” A potential buyer now has to not only read what you are saying but guess at what you’re leaving out.
It’s funny that you’re so angry about eBay’s new policy. eBay changed its feedback system BECAUSE of sellers like you. They did it to protect the unsatisfied customer. The one who PAYS you and then receives a sub-par service or product. Remember that your time and energy is no more important than theirs.
Here’s a tip… Be the bigger person, go the extra mile. Not only will it make a difference in someone else’s life, it will make a difference in yours.
Jul 28, 2008 at 11:37 am rating: 12
#44
itmustbeken
A+++++++++! Received item as described and a stern lecture when I asked for tracking information! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! Highly recommended AAA+++
Jul 28, 2008 at 12:07 pm rating: 12
#45
RP
Five bucks says Whiteblizzard70 isn’t actually the Whiteblizzard70 from ebay but just a random troll.
At least I hope so because otherwise this person is deeply confused as to how the Internet works.
Jul 28, 2008 at 12:41 pm rating: 5
#46
secondsout
The Onion has a good article about this sort of thing.
Jul 28, 2008 at 1:08 pm rating: 3
#47
agong
whiteblizzard aka “heatmeiser” aka ASSHAT?
Jul 28, 2008 at 1:38 pm rating: 2
#48
bobby
Bees?? Beads!! BEADS??
Jul 28, 2008 at 1:58 pm rating: 1
#49
Courtney
If you look at the item the person is selling you notice that they have nasty fingernails. I can only imagine what had been on the ring. ewww nasty.
Jul 28, 2008 at 2:04 pm rating: 0
#50
Amy
It could be worse, Beebo. WHITEBLIZZARD could have shown his bucknaked body reflected in the ring.
Jul 28, 2008 at 2:32 pm rating: 4
#51
Amy
Oops, sorry. Comment #50 was supposed to be a reply to #21 but the “reply to this comment” apparently didn’t work, and “edit comment” isn’t working either. Either that or I’m just a HOMEGROWN IMBECILES.
Jul 28, 2008 at 2:35 pm rating: 2
#52
Goldie
I’ve done some research this afternoon, and it turns out Whiteblizzard is not a crazy obnoxious Nazi punk, as he tried to have us believe, but is in fact a powerful wizard. His real name is Blizzard the White. Look closer at the writing on this ring. Blizzard has procured this ring from a place he’s not allowed to name, and is looking for a volunteer to carry it to the Mountain of Doom where the ring is to be destroyed; the vast armies of homegrown imbeciles will then lose their power and perish. Only the best and the bravest will be chosen for this job; those that will never leave negative feedback and have the testicular fortitude to wait 14 days for the Ring to arrive in the mail. Also, the nasty fingernails in the picture belong to Gollum, who never cleans them, so get off Blizzard’s case already – his are impeccable.
Jul 28, 2008 at 4:29 pm rating: 18
#53
WHITEBLIZZARD70
Hello, infidels !
Very, very nice kidz.
So far mine auction for da ring got over
2200 hits und da count keep going up ! Actually, I am recieving lots of compliments on my listing from the “Home grown anti-imbeciles”
This ring will sell, I swear on my fingernail that attracted so much attention from numerous sickos.
Yes, I am the real WHITEBLIZZARD70.
( Or white Euro-Wizard, if you please)
What is a “caucasian” anyway? And how would anybody explain the term “afro-american”? And who invented all that terms and why?
Is questioning that “racist”?
And yes, of course I am just screwing around with you here, to brighten your desk-bound sitting job miserable every-day routine.
Well, I have to leave you to pack some “crap” the “fidels” purchased from me recently.
Dzinkui!
Jul 28, 2008 at 8:23 pm rating: 0
#54
Canthz_B
Most people who need glasses already wear them.
I’m just sayin’
Jul 28, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: 1
#55
Crash
What ??
Did you run out on us WHITEBLIZZARED70 ?
We’re just having a little fun.
C’Mon, we’re all waiting for more man…
Where’d ya go ??
Jul 28, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: 0
#56
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
Wow. By the way, is it me, or does the phrase \”overseas buyers\” encompass an awful lot of people??
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
Jul 28, 2008 at 11:39 pm rating: 0
#57
Alikat
My favorite part about this one – all those “hits” and yet the auction closed yesterday with 0 bids.
Team unclaimed merchandise!
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:10 pm rating: 5
#58
KoT
As an ebay seller myself, I can totally sympathize with this dude. The fucking morons that bid/buy on ebay is amazing.
There should be a minimum IQ score to get an account. Even that wouldn’t solve the problem; however, it would keep some of the riffraff away!
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:41 pm rating: 0
#59
Sophie
Holy shit! I have bought over 150 items on eBay over the years and there is no way I would sign up for the that kind of craziness!
There are some people that should not deal with the other human beings for a job.
Aug 2, 2008 at 9:08 am rating: 0
#60
ryan
this bad grammar is giving me reading skills problems
Aug 7, 2008 at 10:47 am rating: 0
#61
nxw01
I’ve read all of the posts (thus far) and I have some advice for WhiteBlizzard70.
If you make those rules a part of your item description, you will not need to worry about some “home-grown imbeciles” from Ohio or anywhere else.
People on e-Bay are looking to buy items, not read a novel. They can go to Barnes & Noble, Amazon, the public library or wherever else for that. By the time they get done reading your shipping “rules”, they will have moved on to another seller who has less to say.
Personally, I am from Ohio and I can tell you that imbeciles are everywhere – not just in my state. And as far as I know, we don’t grow them at home.
Also, according to your rules, you only seem to have problems with mentally retarded people. Perhaps you should make your potential bidders take an IQ test before they place a bid with you. Anyone with an IQ over 50 need not refer to your rules. Anyone with an IQ under 50 would not be able to read your rules but hey – at least you’ll have an audience of people who might care. I doubt it – my neice is 8 (the mental age of an imbecile) and I can tell you that even SHE would not buy from you.
Whether you are selling for income or for pocket change only, you won’t get very far insulting your potential buyers. Perhaps you should have simply asked those bidders you had a problem with not to bid on your products anymore. Seems like a more reasonable, more INTELLIGENT way to handle the problem. The only one who seems to have anger management issues would be you. Only someone who is very angry could have written a list of shipping rules like that.
Nov 26, 2008 at 4:47 pm rating: 0
#62 sausage shaped, but lumpy
[...] tom took notice of this “open letter” — a thoughtful missive that clearly merits our collective attention — on a telephone pole at osgood place in san francisco. and if we’re really lucky…perhaps this richard asshat character will grace us with an open response in the comments, whiteblizzard70-style? [...]
Jan 21, 2009 at 1:45 am rating: 0
#63 sausage shaped, but lumpy
[...] if we’re really lucky, perhaps this richard asshat character will grace us with an open response in the comments, whiteblizzard70-style? [...]
Jan 21, 2009 at 2:01 am rating: 0
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