Fight or flight

July 28th, 2008 · 196 comments

In terms of the appropriate sympathetic nervous system response, an e-mail subject line like “big favor” is kinda the modern cubicle-dweller’s equivalent of “Saber-tooth tiger outside cave!”

To the South side of the office, If you are wearing a perfume or cologne or whatever it is - I had to run to the bathroom to vomit - I will tremendously Appreciate if you minimize wearing it. Thank you so much.  I was going to ask you since last week but I cannot stand it anymore. Thank you.

(Note: this e-mail, our Seattle-area submitter says, is from the very same person who brought us this.)

related: Perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · irregular capitalization · odor · office · oh no you didn't · Seattle · thanks (but not really) · vomit


196 responses so far ↓

  • #1   ellemarie bang

    clearly you have an inferior gag reflex. or whatever that it is.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   aaa

      Or perhaps a superior gag reflex. :D

      Jul 28, 2008 at 10:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   ellemarie bang

      that’s probably more accurate isn’t it? let’s just settle on ‘inferior English language skills’.

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Canthz_B bang

      You’re both right. Too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing (genetically speaking). ;-)

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Miss Unloop

      Perhaps it’s an indiscriminate gag reflex?

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Claire

      Hmmm…scent induced vomiting…a case of too much gag or not enough…

      “Just pull back on the choke there a little…”

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Claire

      This entire series gives new meaning to the term “toilet water” :)

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   timo

      They have an interior gag reflex. I like a girl with no gag reflex at all.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Claire

      What would make this all the more PAN worthy is if this were just a two-person office….

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:17 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   known unknown bang

      wow…gag reflex! I forgot about that affliction.

      I think I lost my gag reflex in the [redacted to preserve reputation] grade.

      In NY, we deal with that violation every day. If I sent an email to everyone whose perfume/cologne bath gave me nausea, I’d have to CC all of Long Island.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 11:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Canthz_B bang

      Were the auditions for “Deep Throat II” really that bad, known unknown? :-P

      Jul 29, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   known unknown bang

      was I complaining?

      :twisted:

      Jul 29, 2008 at 11:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   Canthz_B bang

      Hell no! You were a trooper until they yelled “Cut!”
      The rest was an unfortunate misunderstanding. A mistake any first time actress could have made!
      His surgery was a success, in any event, and his new career as a soprano is taking off.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 11:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   known unknown bang

      well that’s a relief!

      in any event, that experience made me immune to cheap perfume, soft palate sensitivity, and Aquanet…

      Jul 30, 2008 at 12:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   Canthz_B bang

      I’m falling in ♥ :oops:

      Jul 30, 2008 at 12:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   se

    sorry, I don’t wipe very well.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:39 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Miss Unloop

    Somebody brought in some fresh baked cookies, and I darn near puked!

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:39 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   pry

      in the event that she’s a pregnant woman, i totally understand and support this e-mail.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 8:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Red Letterboxer

      For some reason, I imagined the offending smell to be patchouli. When I read this post, I thought, “Brownies!”

      Just what the hell is going on in this office? And who stole my lava lamp?

      Jul 29, 2008 at 9:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      I don’t think it is a pregnant woman since it is from the same person who brought us the “Muscle Milk” note …

      Jul 29, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   roxy

      Perhaps it’s time for some remedial english writing classes for this passive-aggressive vomiter.

      Read the contents: muscle milk side effects include vomiting.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 10:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   redbullgivesyouwiiiings

      Kids in the Hall?

      Aug 4, 2008 at 5:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   anglophile bang

    If she thinks the perfume is nauseating, wait ’til she smells what it’s covering up!

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:43 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    I though that was just how the Southside smelled in every town.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Claire

      Dear Perfume-Sensitive Vominator,

      I am wearing the perfume you gave me last Christmas when we drew names for gifts. Thanks a lot! I’m just sharing the joy.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:27 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   snee bang

    dear fragrance hater,

    we on the south side of the office would tremendously Appreciate it if you stopped with the crazy random line breaks in your PA email. thank you so much. we were going to ask you since the last time you PA emailed but we cannot stand it anymore.

    thank you,
    SSO

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   kate

      perhaps the fumes are
      Actually affecting her brain functions.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    Go tell it on the mountain:

    I smell it on the south side,
    I smell it on the south side,
    I smell it on the south side,
    Something in here seems dead!

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Wade bang

    to the North side of the office:

    If you are puking or vomiting or whatever it is – I had to apply extra cologne to mask the stench – I will tremendously
    Appreciate if you minimize blowing chunks. Thank you so much

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:50 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   snee bang

    that’s the last time i buy perfume on ebay…from whiteblizzard70.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:50 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      Too bad. You waited patiently for so long to receive a bottle of Gulag #5.

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   snee bang

      i just want to smell fucking delicious! is that so wrong?!?

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:56 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    Thanks for the e-mail.
    I wear this much cologne to escape from your BO. Can you please take regular showers? You’re like walking Mace!
    I was going to ask you since last week but I cannot stand it anymore.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:57 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   aaa

    Dear Ms. McGagsalot,

    If you are vomiting at every passing smell or whatever it is, please purchase a pregnancy test. We were going to tell you that you were starting to look a bit chunky since last week but we cannot stand your excess fat or your vomiting anymore. Thank you, the South side of the office

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:59 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Canthz_B bang

      PS: we’re saving the “good chocolate” just in case.

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:05 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Claire

      Dear ms. Gagsalot,

      The rabbit did. You are with child. Please call our clinic if we may be of any further assistance.

      PS You might want to stay away from overpowering smells….

      PS

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Claire

      DAMNED TYPOS!!! Should read:

      Dear Ms. Gagsalot,
      The rabbit died. You are with child. Please call our clinic if we may be of any further assistance.

      PS You might want to stay away from overpowering smells….

      “THE RABBIT DID”…THIS IS NOT A CHILDREN’S PICTURE BOOK!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Adhara

      “The rabbit died”? *facepalm*

      You know the rabbit has to die either way for its ovaries to be examined, right? Even if you turn out not to be pregnant, it’s still dead.

      http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/rabbit.asp

      Jul 29, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   GhostWriter bang

      Maybe Claire meant, “The rabbit did …reveal… you are with child.”

      Jul 29, 2008 at 9:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   Troy McClure bang

      I assumed Claire meant “the rabbit died” as an anachronistic dysphemism for “we ran your pregnancy test.” I think it’s cute, in a macabre way. DED BUNNIE TELZ UR FYOOCHR!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   Claire

      Sigh…thank you for giving me the benefit of a doubt…again, I strongly caution, whether or not the rabbit has truly died or simply did away with itself…that using rabbits’ demise as a play on humour is a bad, bad idea…I feel so hare-brained now…Somebunny stop me….

      [is dragged away from the computer and sent back to sort out shipment orders for e-bay slave trader]

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:23 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   PandoraWilde

      I can’t count how many times I’ve had to explain the phrase, “The rabbit died” to teens and tweens–seems it’s so old it’s died out in this generation?

      Jul 30, 2008 at 6:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   class-factotum

    I am sympathetic to the writer. How do you get someone who wears a lot of nasty perfume to stop? Perhaps there is a more tactful way to word this note, but honestly — I have noticed that the people who wear the strongest perfumes tend to have the worst taste.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Canthz_B bang

      Don’t lick them.

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:32 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Sue Do Nim

      yes, it really is all about you, isn’t it?

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:41 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   aaa

      Yeah, all that alcohol in the perfume does leave a nasty aftertaste, doesn’t it?

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Miss Unloop

      That perfume was fucking… oh, never mind.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:23 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Claire

      To Whom It May Concern,

      Every day for a week now, I have left little Post-Its for you with cartoons of skunks drawn on them. Can’t you get the hint? Your cheap-ass store bought scent is making my team partner run to the bathroom every time your vomit-inducing scent wafts over to our side of the office. This must stop. I am trying to train my Vominator how to correctly type an email.

      Sincerely yours,

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   Claire

      Be truly passive-aggressive and fart in their general direction…and mean it, too!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:11 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Canthz_B bang

      Do it on March 18th. That’s a corned beef and cabbage fart to be remembered!!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Claire

      P0st-St. Paddy’s Day???

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   Canthz_B bang

      That day is reserved for the patron saint of gases passed.
      Patrick’s cousin once removed, now found!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   Claire

      Ahhh…the little known, but much beloved, Saint Angus of Brangus, the patron saint of cheese cutters

      Thank you for clarifying, CB! :)

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   saturngirl bang

      me too. Yves Saint Laurent Rive Gauche in particular gives me a headache. I doubt the PAN will work. She needs to go and have a good old sniff over on the south side and
      Identify the culprit and vomit on his/her desk.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 12:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   timo

      They best PA cure to this is to sneak over after they have left on friday and tape an open tin of sardines to the underside of their desk. Then take a weeks vacation.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.13   Claire

      LOL, timo! Canned salmon works well, too, when placed discreetly in the bottom of the nearby trashcan….

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.14   timo

      Fatty and oily fish perfect additions to Stinker-fest 2008.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.15   NorthSide

      Somebody in my office wore too much perfume; I was allergic and had fluid coming out of my ears (no joke!). After I told her I was allergic, and it didn’t work, my manager had to step in.

      The real problem was that this girl had some dietary problems and was dropping some nasty bombs in the toilet. The perfume was her way of pretending the stinkeroos weren’t hers – how could somebody who smelled like flowers possibly drop such a nasty kid in the pool? At least the brownies didn’t make my ears seep fluid.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 9:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.16   sprucemoose

      All this time I thought his name was St. Flatus.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.17   Canthz_B bang

      St. Flatus from Withinus?

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   fink

    Big favor? Is that some type of Big Job? Maybe that’s where the smell’s coming from…

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Troy McClure bang

    It makes you act strange, you confessed
    The fault lies with you, not the rest
    If you have to vomit
    A Muscle Milk™ comet
    Cut down on that drink, I suggest

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:07 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   ellemarie bang

    Though the email is too far and I’d never resort to such measures, the subject of her complaint is one of my pet peeves. If you must wear THAT much perfume to feel good about yourself, just stay home please.

    [pretend that I did the right thing and posted this as a reply to #12] :)

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   zombieBlanco bang

    Perhaps vomiting emailer should open a window and stick to their side of the Mason-Dixon line.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Miss Unloop

    I think the fragrance is called Emesis by Bleau Chunx, available at all fine department stores.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:20 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Canthz_B bang

      Hyperemesis is their top of the line, big job fragrance.

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Miss Unloop

      Or maybe it’s Defecation by Colon Kleen…

      Jul 28, 2008 at 11:51 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   http://ambienray.blogspot.com/

      or oh….the toilet!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 3:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   http://ambienray.blogspot.com/

      Oh, hey, that’s me up there. I honestly lost my name. You know how it’s never where you leave it. This was not a shameless attempt to promote my blog.

      carry on.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 3:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   http://ambienray.blogspot.com/

      where the hell’s my name?? Who stole it?? You! With the hay and the sentimental doormat! get back here you spineless wretch!

      this is Burghardt, btw.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 3:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   Canthz_B bang

      ROTFLMAO!!!

      Looks like your blog address may be in the name field, try signing in again Burghardt. ;-)

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   Canthz_B bang

      Eau De Toilette by Odor de la Rectum?

      stolen from above post w/modification ;-)

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.8   Claire

      Oops! I feel like I have just seen Burghardt’s vulnerable side…

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.9   Burghardt bang

      i’m so ashamed! yeah, I tried the replace the link in the name thing and it didn’t work. So I did what all desperate girls, alone and frightened in my situation do.

      I REGISTERED!!!!

      Why do I feel like I need to take a shower now?

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.10   Burghardt bang

      Claire, stop looking at my vulnerable side!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.11   Claire

      Aaw…it’s okay…

      I would give you a big hug, but social situations frighten me…so I will just give you a complimentary packette of handi-wipes so you won’t have to abandon your post….

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.12   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry I stole your joke while you were indisposed, dear.
      It was just SO THERE!! :-D

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.13   Claire

      Burghardt, I will not peek!
      [peeking through fingers]

      hubba hubba…oh sorry, this isn’t a backyard in Sydney…

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.14   Canthz_B bang

      It certainly is not Sydney’s backyard! 8-O

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.15   Claire

      Poor Sydney…

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.16   Canthz_B bang

      He should never have put his stair master on the lawn…look at that butt of his!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.17   Burghardt bang

      backyard in Sydney? claire, are you a dude?? I’d always thought Claire was such a feminine name, like my favorite aunt.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.18   Claire

      Remember the PAN about the random, unopened condom found in a backyard during Gay Mardi Gras in Sydney? So many PAN responders professing their back yard fetish…oh, never mind…what was brilliant in the wee morning hours turns into stale cologne in the light of day…

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.19   Claire

      And yes, I am a woman, but named after my grandfather whose middle name was Claire. I also have an uncle Leslie, a cousin Dana, and a younger brother whose middle name is sadly, Evelyn…clearly, we Biritsh should not be allowed to name our children while under the influence of anesthesia…..

      I was just having some fun, Burghardt…OMG…you’re a girl, too?

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.20   Burghardt bang

      chair scoot
      zzzip

      What the…..?!

      Um, yes, that’s an affirmative.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Listen, Bitch! We’re having Mongolian barbecue pot-luck week over on the South side of the office whether you puke your guts out or not!!
    Did we cry when you had Haggis-Fest on the North side? NO!!

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:24 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   aaa

      After our putting up with your vomiting for a week, you may redeem yourself by picking up some hats for our next Mongolian barbecue potluck. If you fail to do so, you will be expected to pick up a unitard from Casey in Human Resources.

      THX

      Sandra

      Jul 29, 2008 at 12:00 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Claire

      CanthzB…who are you addressing as “Bitch”?

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Canthz_B bang

      La Puka just didn’t carry the weight “bitch” does!! :-)

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Claire

      Oooohh, you’re right…it’s just your comment appeared right underneath my comment and I thought…sniff!…you were being…sniff…so very P/A with me…

      You’re not still made about my “Yanks who can spell” comment several PANs ago, are you?

      [holding out peace pipe..or peace beer]

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Canthz_B bang

      No grudges are held on PAN. That’s for brats, trolls and noobs, Claire.
      Friends :-)

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Burghardt bang

      but there are peeping toms here!! who knew?!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   park rose bang

      Can one be considered a peeping tom if posters link their names to their blogs?

      Though I see you are not linked now, though you posted it at 17.4 – or, I could just be missing the point entirely. :D

      It’s a very intelligent and interesting blog, btw.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.8   Burghardt bang

      thanks.

      um, i was referring to the, er, references to me *ahem* vulnerable side.

      what?! Now my link’s gone? Damn bastards!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.9   Canthz_B bang

      Burg, you are splitting my sides with laughter today! LOL

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   snee bang

    smell, smell me do,
    you know i smell you!
    i never will puke,
    so pleee-eee-eee-ease…
    smell me do-oo!
    oh, oh, oh, smell me do!

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:25 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Miss Unloop

    Rene Hall your perfume or cologne is killing Anthony Grosso

    Thank you Terry

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:31 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/

    Why is there this underlying presumption that this person is wearing cologne to somehow get others sick? As if they\’re trying to be offensive. People are nuts.

    deathbabydeath@gmail.com

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Sue Do Nim

    To the North side of the office

    If you have to vomit, I will enormously
    Appreciate if you maximize asking Casey in HR
    for plastic bags for the Big Jobs.

    I was going to tell you since the Mongolian BBQ but I cannot find my hat.

    THX
    Sandra

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:36 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Canthz_B bang

      About that hat. You see, there were no more of those plastic bags in HR, and Casey no longer works here, and…um…well…

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:22 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Martin Heidegger

      Ooh… Sandra wouldn’t perchance be that bulimic woman from Intervention, would she? (She’s somewhat well-known around the internet for vomiting into plastic bags and keeping them in her closet for the week.)

      I can see the PA note now:

      Sandra,
      If you are throwing up in the closet or in plastic bags or whatever it is — please run to the bathroom to vomit – I will tremendously
      Appreciate if you minimize the flushing though. Thank you so much.

      I was going to throw the barf out for you last week but I was too busy monitoring the napkin usage. Thank you.

      THX,
      Al

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:37 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Canthz_B bang

      A must read in Al Gore voice and cadence! LOL

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Miss Unloop

      Sandra,

      On second thought, I would be much more comfortable with you vomiting in nice, biodegradable brown paper bags. Use whichever you see fit: large brown grocery bags, or the smaller ones that the liquor stores put your vodka in – depending on the size of the upchuck. Plastic bags kill ducks, and I LOVE ducks.

      THX,

      Al

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:34 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   snee bang

      sandra,

      on third thought, vomit straight into the composter.

      thx,
      al

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:40 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   aaa

      Sandra,

      I have just made Al my bitch, so here are some plastic bags you may use. They leak a lot less than paper and stink a lot less than compost.

      Ducks can go to hell.

      THX

      Casey in Human Resources

      Jul 29, 2008 at 6:04 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   Mishee bang

      Jesus you guys! We just stocked up on Unitards and good thing too!

      Grab one and get in! The LOT of you!!! :D

      (except of course, CB who is an upstanding, law abiding citizen who knows what’s against the rules!!)

      Jul 29, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   snee bang

      i don’t need no steenkin’ rules!

      …and i’d like my unitard in red this time, please.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 4:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.9   Miss Unloop

      I’d like basic black, please. I need a unitard for those more formal occasions.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 12:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   snee bang

    oh the smells you can smell,
    if only you try,
    you can smell some ice-cream
    and a big piece of pie!

    you can smell some perfume,
    on the office south side,
    you can puke up a little,
    and send an email that’s snide!

    you can smell the north side,
    with its vomitous mess,
    you can smell all the chunks,
    some big and some less!

    you can smell a rhinoceros,
    you can smell its ass-end,
    you can put THAT in an email,
    and then P.A.’ly press send!

    oh, the smells you can smell,
    if only you try!

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:40 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Canthz_B bang

    Hey, Amber…
    Yes Megan?
    I just figured out how to take Gretchen’s job.
    You mean “Retchin’ Gretchen”?!
    Yeah. I’m going to wear doe urine as a perfume and gag her out of the office.
    You’re a genius, Megan!

    Jul 28, 2008 at 11:45 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    Somewhere in Seattle 16 women on the South side of an office are asking each other whose perfume is more repulsive.

    One is singled out…

    It’s not the scent, dear. It’s the way you slather it on so!

    I do not slather! Just because I’m beautiful, you all believe that I think it’s all about me! Haters!! (cue dramatic tearful exit)

    Jul 29, 2008 at 12:09 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   John in IL

    Loving the minimizing…not “use less” or “don’t bathe in the shit”; just “minimize”. That’s all I want. Really.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 12:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Flippy bang

    That vomit was fucking delicious.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 12:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Canthz_B bang

      Right this way to the unitard fitting room, if you please.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:14 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Miss Unloop

      Just don’t be stupid and think that you can try on the underwear too while you’re in there!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   Canthz_B bang

      Or, God forbid, drop a deuce!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Martin Heidegger

    Dubious intelligence certainly seems to be a hallmark of passive aggressive notes, and this specimen is a fine example.

    I mean, if you’re going to be a bitch, why not at least be an *anonymous* bitch? Sending out an email with one’s name on it is like screaming “Kick me! Please kick me!” in junior high school.

    It doesn’t matter how bad the alleged offenders smell… what stinks more is a shitty attitude.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 1:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Miss Unloop

      Oh, the STANK of it!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 2:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   aaa

      Yeah, but this note-writer is obviously in cahoots with Al Gore, which is why she chose to use an e-mail with her name instead of an appropriately PA (and anonymous) flyer posted in public places. (Al wants you to not kill trees. And by using paper, you yourself are killing trees.) You see, she’s just making it known that she’s fighting the good fight. It’s what Al would want.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 6:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   ellemarie bang

    The note-writer should visit PAN every now and then… I know my stomach sure is a lot stronger since I started reading these!

    Jul 29, 2008 at 2:36 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Ashley

    Ahhh hahahaha. We had one of these people in my old office. This girl would SOAK herself in perfume before work. A lot of us got migraines from it. Someone finally went to HR about it and we got an e-mail out saying nobody was aloud to wear perfume or cologne in our office. Maybe they should just shower instead?

    Jul 29, 2008 at 3:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   bean bang

    To the North side of the office,

    If you are puking your milk or whatever that it is-I had to use my perfume to cover the smells.
    it would be very muchly
    Appreciated you would be sure to flush twice after vomiting, and that this would be done with the lid down. Please
    Flush once more times.
    I wanted to tell you since lunch time but cannot stand it anymore. Thank you

    Jul 29, 2008 at 3:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Claire

    What are we all doing up so late? We may have to drag ourselves to work, drenched in cheap perfume and colognes…

    Jul 29, 2008 at 4:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   buttercup78

    I can’t believe that the writer can’t even distinguish whether the scent is perfume or cologne. Assuming that more than one of the south side workers probably wears some type of scent, how are they supposed to know whether or not it’s them if Mr. Vomit can’t even give them a clue besides the fact that they work on the south side?

    Maybe they all wear perfume and cologne and it’s the collective stench that is so sickening?

    Jul 29, 2008 at 4:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   aaa

      She’s too busy vomiting to tell whether the South side smells like cheap stinky man or cheap stinky woman.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 6:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   cha0s

    it’s weed smoke. deal with it.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 5:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Mishee bang

      that’s my preferred perfume….

      Jul 29, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   Bunnee

      No, no, no–you use the perfume to COVER UP the weed smoke so you won’t get fired!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Aly

    I know people will make fun of me, but I felt like that the first few months of my pregnancy. The worst was when a woman decided to test the perfume samples in a magazine in my doctor’s office. I wanted to yell at her for being rude and ask the receptionists why they would allow it. Instead, I just went outside.

    That being said, the emailer is obviously just stupid.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 6:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Wade bang

      This is kind of a toss up.

      Which is more passive-aggressive: slathering on enough stinkum to qualify as a Superfund site, or protesting via an email that looks like it was transcribed from a wad poetry magnets thrown at a nearby file cabinet?

      Jul 29, 2008 at 6:50 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   Canthz_B bang

      Damn! 8-O

      Jul 29, 2008 at 6:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.3   Wade bang

      Just to be clear, I am building on Aly’s point. :D

      Jul 29, 2008 at 7:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.4   Miss Unloop

      Toss up? How apropos…

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Holiday Djinn

    God you know the sender is probably a real pain in the ass. Just look at the time stamp on the email 9:38 AM. You know the person just got to work, smelled the offending smell, had just enough time to vomit and get all worked up about it.

    Seriously people!

    Yes, people wearing too much cologne or perfume is really bad, but like another poster pointed out; Usually the smell of the cologne is better than what they are trying to cover up.

    I would love to drop this person off in the middle of a Turkish Bazaar and really watch the puke fly.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 7:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   SBW

      In my experience, people who get violently ill from smelling someone else’s perfume are usually precious pansies with “severe allergies” who enjoy telling anyone who will listen about their delicate constitutions. I sing in a choir, and there are a few hypochondriacs who complain any time anybody wears *any* scent that they can detect. They love complaining to the director, who then has to remind an entire chorus of 200 people that we aren’t to wear anything at all, not even scented deodorant. Talk about passive aggressive. I wear a bit of perfume every now and then, and I sure as hell am not going to stop because it gives some douchebag the vapors. In fact, I sometimes wear a bit more just to send the folks with “severe allergies” into a tizzy.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 9:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   Canthz_B bang

      I agree.
      I’m hyper-allergy-free, as are most people. Don’t visit your allergic condition upon me. If you can’t be around perfumes and the like, stay your weak, vulnerable ass at home. Buy a bubble!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 9:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   Mishee bang

    Personally I don’t vomit tremendously….

    I like to regurgitate to no extent.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 8:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   B Rad

    The Southside shall rise again!

    Jul 29, 2008 at 8:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   agirlie

    Dear puker,

    The feminine trash receptacles in the bathroom are being monitored, please stop leaving your vomit in them. We are tired of calling the bio-hazard squad every time someone is wearing a little too much aftershave.

    THX

    Jul 29, 2008 at 8:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   GhostWriter bang

    Remember the movie, “Michael” about the archangel who smelled like baked cookies to women? Well, obviously a high-level demon has taken up residence in the office southside again.

    I wish those boys in Accounting would stop playing Dungeons & Dragons…

    Jul 29, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Holiday Djinn

      Exar the mighty summons a level 4 death cloud fart demon.. . . . . . . . . . . .

      ::a horrible miasma fills the room::

      Everybody check constitution!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 12:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   fla boy

    The motto of the south side offender is:
    “Some days I bathes. Some days I just sprays.”

    Jul 29, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Sarjo bang

    *looks around shyly*
    Hello? De-lurker here. Hello?

    “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown”

    Well the South side of the office
    Is the stinkiest part of town
    And if you go down there
    You better just beware
    Of people wearing a perfume or cologne or whatever that is

    Now that perfume more than trouble
    You see it waft straight cross the floor
    The North side lady gotta run to the toilet
    And vomit on all the decor

    And its bad, bad perfume or cologne or whatever that is
    The baddest smell in the whole damn metropolis
    Smells badder than old king kong
    And meaner than a junkyard dog

    Now North side lady she a grumbler
    And she like her muscle milk
    And if you don’t know what that may be
    You gonna act strange plus sterility
    She got a war on with the South side
    She got a reflux reflex too
    She got a handy barf bag in her pocket for fun
    She got chunks right on her shoe

    And its bad, bad perfume or cologne or whatever that is
    The baddest smell in the whole damn metropolis
    Smells badder than old king kong
    And meaner than a junkyard dog

    Jul 29, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   GhostWriter bang

    “Justin, have you read Merv’s latest crazy note? He says he puked from some smell coming from the south side of the office.”

    *chuckle* “Oh My God, Drew, it worked! I swapped out Merv’s Muscle Milk for Nasal Milk! I knew it’d screw him up…”

    “‘Nasal Milk’? What the heck is that?”

    “You can get it at GNC- it’s like Muscle Milk, but instead of muscles, it acts like steroids for your nose. You know how Merv always hangs out by the water fountain after he does his noontime calisthenics? I plugged in a Glade air freshener right under the fountain!”

    “That is hilarious! What’s next?”

    “Tomorrow I swap it out for Mamma’s Milk. It’s supposed to improve lactation. There’s a definite possibility that he may grow titties from it.”

    “Huzzah!”

    Jul 29, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   claw71 bang

    I hate mass emails. The only people who should be sending mass emails are managers and even then there should be some sort fo mechanism in place to ensure it is a productive email worthy of everybody’s time. I could work a 30 hour week if I didn’t have to read and process mass emails. I don’t want to adopt a kitty, I don’t care if you’re throwing a baby shower for that slut Clara in accounting (seriously, who’s the daddy this time?) and if you don’t stop spamming me with Jesus I’m going to pee in your Dilbert mug.

    Because the idiot who sent this message is a repeat offender I can safely assume that this is a poorly run division of a large company. I’d like to know which company this is because I have a sneaking suspicion they are going to be paring their workforce in the near future.

    Nobody likes too much perfume but if you have to choose sides you’ve got to align yourself against the mass-emailer who lacks the guts to direct this message to the offending party.

    Hey Mabel: Damn girl, did they have a BOGO special on that Designer Imposter perfume as Walgreen’s again? I know you like Vanderbilt but I love breathing. Do you suppose you could keep it to a light mist for the work day? I know you think you’re covering the smell of your farts but the alcohol in that perfume is bonding with the noxious gasses in your ass and it smells like somebody took a shit on gardenias in here. Damn, bitch, damn!

    Jul 29, 2008 at 11:04 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   M'lyn

    I was going to ask you since last week but I’m an idiot.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 11:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   aaa

    If the South side really wanted to be passive aggressive (i.e. evil), they could just hide something horrifyingly grotesque smelling in her drawer. Many organic compounds smell absolutely terrible and tend to hang around, thus making them the perfect stink source. I suggest hiding a rag soaked in one of the following compounds:

    - methyl mercaptan (feces)
    - butyl mercaptan (skunk)
    - butyric acid (parmesan cheese, vomit, rancid butter, BO)
    - 3-methylindole (feces)
    - n-pentene (They just smell terrible.)
    - n-hexanal (fish)
    - and, of course putrescine (dead bodies, bad breath, and semen)
    - and cadaverine (dead bodies)

    Many of these substances are highly flammable, so don’t play with matches near them.

    Legal: It’s not anyone else’s fault but your own if you decide to do this and then end up catching your head on fire or make somebody puke to death. I don’t have the money to deal with a lawsuit, anyway.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 12:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   GhostWriter bang

      Don’t forget Pyridine! That was my favorite from Chem Lab 101.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 12:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.2   Claire

      And these items don’t sound so gross when you use their formal chemistry names….

      Does that make sense?

      Damn! I need more coffee!!!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.3   aaa

      That’s why they’re so awesome. You could just leave a bottle on their desk with a note saying that they have an awesome gift and they will be overwhelmed once they open it. :D

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   Lurker

    The email is poorly worded, but Team Perfume Reduction all the way. Honestly, no BO could smell as bad as too much perfume. Although usually it produces migraines rather than just simple vomiting.

    Nan’s perfume engulfs the room
    And leaks into the hall;
    As eyeballs burn, it kills the ferns
    And stains the bathroom walls.
    It swells in clouds, dispersing crowds
    And setting off alarms.
    A couple drops can kill the crops
    On all the neighb’ring farms.
    It’s piped into the downstairs loo,
    And comes out in the shower;
    Her sense of smell is shot to hell,
    So she stays in there for hours.
    It stinks like Death, and morning breath,
    And cobras’ poison sacs,
    And rotting cods – the HazMat squads
    Were halted in their tracks.
    So hold your nose and wear old clothes,
    I warn you with a cough,
    And don’t shake hands with dear old Nan:
    It never washes off!

    Jul 29, 2008 at 12:28 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   timo

    why can I visit here but not there? Life is unfair… :sad:

    Jul 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Sandra

    FOR CONCERNS ABOUT THE SCENT WAFTING FROM THE MONGOLIAN POTLUCK, PLEASE SEE CASEY IN HUMAN RESOURCES.

    THX,
    SANDRA

    Jul 29, 2008 at 2:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   Mishee bang

      One Unitard, coming right up!

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   clickums

    I almost CRIED when reading this. I’m trapped working next to a lady that smells like cat urine and hot garbage. She used to lather herself in this flowery lotion….that would immediately dry up my contacts and cause me to sneeze. Powerful stuff. Once she saw my distress she stopped using it – NOW SHE ‘S JUST RANK. Dear lord – bring back the lotion! PLEASE BRING IT BACK!

    Jul 29, 2008 at 4:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   eureeka

    Is this emailer a time traveler? “I was going to ask you last week but I can’t stand it anymore!” What does that even mean?

    Jul 29, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Troy McClure bang

      I noticed that too. Some seriously unorthodox notions of causality. Maybe it’s Gene Ray week on PAN.

      Jul 29, 2008 at 10:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   nacey

    See… I can figure a lot of people here have never had perfume sensitivity. I get migraines and I have perfume sensitivity and believe me – it really isn’t fun. You don’t realise how much humans slather themselves in the stinky-poo until you develop a sensitivity to it that gives you nausea at least, and painful throbbing headaches at the worst. So I have a lot of sympathy for this poor woman. Obviously she wasn’t thinking too clearly when she fired off this letter.

    That SAID, I don’t think this letter was the wisest of ideas. Having a quiet word to management probably would have been the better choice. Or if one *must* fire off a letter, explaining gently about one’s horrible health affliction might induce far more sympathy than “I PUKED, YOU BASTARD, THANKS A LOT!” (Even though I *know* how angry and frustrated one can get when being assaulted by a smell you patently didn’t ask for – I think the reaction is in the mammalian brain linked to the “I OWN THIS SPACE” reaction).

    Sorry. I said the srs bzns.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   aaa

      Have you been on this site before? ‘Cuz it sure seems like you’re missing the point.

      And don’t say I’m not sensitive to stench issues, I just cleaned up about 100 gallons of dog diarrhea. :/

      Jul 29, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.2   Canthz_B bang

      Oh boo the fuck hoo.
      You have allergies…we don’t!
      I want peanuts on my flight. Screw the kid with the allergy, it’s a long flight! :-P

      Jul 29, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.3   Mishee bang

      Funny thing is CB – they still serve peanuts, just not honey roasted… who the fuck wants regular peanuts?

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.4   amy d bang

      I like regular peanuts, as slong as they are salted. Oh, and not dry roasted, yuck.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.5   Mark bang

      Honey roasted peanuts. Ingredients: Salt, artificial honey roasting agents, pressed peanut sweepings.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.6   Mishee bang

      so that’s why they are so yummy!

      So you are saying Honey Roasted Peanuts are the Pringles of the Legume Snack World?

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.7   Canthz_B bang

      Mishee, you can get an entire flight to be peanut-free by showing proof of a peanut allergy.
      There is a woman somewhere (I don’t know if the case is resolved or not) that sued an airline because her flight was supposed to be peanut-free because of her snot-nosed kid’s allergy and peanuts were served.
      The kid was fine, but she sued over the anxiety she was caused to have.
      I filed this in my “Get a freaking life” memory banks.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 4:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.8   Sarjo

      GRRRRoss! Served snot-nosed kid allergy AND peanuts? I hope they had a dry but cunning white with that!

      Jul 30, 2008 at 10:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.9   Canthz_B bang

      I’m not a syntax Nazi, but I think the point is clear. Go eat a car…if that makes more sense to you. ;-)

      Jul 30, 2008 at 10:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.10   Sarjo

      Hmmmm….I’m thinking Bordeaux? Or Pinot?

      Perhaps 4x(g+t), then think?

      Jul 30, 2008 at 11:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   Tuesday

    Yo South Side!

    If you don’t stop wearing your nasty-ass perfume, I’m going to set the building on fire.

    Don’t even THINK about taking my stapler.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 4:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   NorthSide

    I was going to write this since last night but finally couldn’t take it any more.

    I would
    Appreciate it if you could minimize your

    comment tremendously.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 9:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   morpho aurora bang

    i’m allergic to most perfumes too, but i don’t expect anyone to stop using it. if i can’t avoid someone who reeks of vanilla nightmusk, i take a couple of benadryl. my allergies are my problem, i’m the only one responsible for dealing with them. IMO, anyone who thinks others should change to accommodate their whims is an idiot and shouldn’t be allowed in public.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 10:24 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #55.1   itmustbeken bang

      OMG…how healthy are you!?! May I high-five you?
      I have a friend who has perfume allergies and she makes it her life mission to tell people they are wearing too much and how it affects her. Sooo tacky and with just a smidge of ‘attention whore’.

      Thank you for owning your own stuff and I will be more conscious of the Armani i put on.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 12:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #55.2   morpho aurora bang

      ken – :lol:
      see, that’s the way it works.
      i’ve found that most people are willing to back off on the offensive scents if you just handle the situation the right way. p/a is the wrong way.

      not that i want the p/a stuff to stop. then we wouldn’t have anything to snark about :D

      Jul 30, 2008 at 11:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #56   Quite Contrary bang

    The solution is so simple.

    “Reply All” with any of the above retorts. Should solve said employee’s vomiting immediately.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 11:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Ryan

    Why would you bother telling every soul in the building that you are extemely sensitive to smells? (Or for that matter, that you vomited?)

    Nasty Passsive-Aggressive People such as this are bound to have made numerous enemies in a small work environment and this is more than enough ammunition to wage a war of smells in this fool’s workspace!

    - signed Colonel Cologne and his band of Stinkers

    Jul 30, 2008 at 11:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   itmustbeken bang

    I am ashamed to admit it, but when people do things like this…it becomes my life’s mission to torment them.

    I would put dog poop under her chair.
    The womans restroom would get a can of Glade a day.
    I’d bring in birds nest soup and put it in the microwave for hours.
    The list is endless and I would be powerless to stop myself.

    Jul 30, 2008 at 12:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #58.1   Wade bang

      Sooo tacky and with just a smidge of ‘attention whore’.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #58.2   Mishee bang

      Wow Wade – it makes me sad cause I totally would do the same thing as ken.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #58.3   itmustbeken bang

      I said I was ashamed.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #58.4   Wade bang

      Look at 55.1 ↑ , Mishee

      It’s all about context. ;)

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #58.5   Mishee bang

      *slaps myself on the hand for not backreading*

      Thanks for straightening me out Wade… next time I promise you can slap me!! :D

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #58.6   Wade bang

      It will become my life’s mission. :mrgreen:

      Jul 30, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #59   Lurker

    Morpho Aurora – if you can work after taking a couple of Benadryl, then more power to you, because you have the metabolism of a hummingbird.

    Also, antihistamines don’t work for every allergy, and they certainly don;t work at all for sensitivity, which isn’t the same thing.

    Expecting other people to turn themselves into drugged zombies because you happen to fancy the smell of Emeraude is the definition of “thinking others should change to accommodate their whims.” Being healthyisn’t a whim; smelling like fake vanilla is.

    Jul 30, 2008 at 2:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #59.1   Mishee bang

      if you could click “Reply To This Comment” instead of just posting a new comment, the more power to you….

      Jul 30, 2008 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #59.2   YakkingSmirnov

      In Soviet Russia the zombies drug you!

      I dont;t know about you but popping a couple of Benadryls to tolerate the poison of a VS vanilla addict and fancying the smell of Emeraude, which isn;t the same thing, sounds likehealthy tolerance and sensitivity of the differences in people.
      More power to your therapist!

      T :lol:

      Here is some more ;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

      Jul 30, 2008 at 3:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #59.3   BakInThUSSRboyz

      Oh man, FinalLY:

      TEAM RUSSIAN ZOMBIES THAT DRUG YOU!

      Whoooo-Hoo!

      Jul 30, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #59.4   morpho aurora bang

      lurker – notice the repeated use of “my” and “i”? i was only talking about my solutions and opinions. sorry benadryl doesn’t work for you, there are a lot of other options and i hope you’ve found something that works. i don’t have the metabolism of a hummingbird, but i’m stubborn as hell so i just work despite the drug haze.
      as for the part about accommodating other’s whims, i was referring to people who send out silly p/a emails or whine incessantly. if someone is mature and polite enough to talk to me, i’m willing help them out. if that person is one of those “the world should revolve around me” types, i’m probably gonna aggravate them just for the pleasure of watching their head explode.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 11:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #60   Lurker

    Ah, well, that’s the kind of mistakes that happen when you have to take sleeping pills to come into the office.

    Jul 30, 2008 at 3:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #60.1   Mishee bang

      jesus, you really don’t learn do you?

      I’m on vicodin and flexeril right now… so that’s no excuse!! NEST YOUR COMMENTS dammit!!

      Jul 30, 2008 at 3:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #60.2   se

      Mishee, you are on Vix and flexeril and you still are that coherent… incredible.

      How did you know that lurker is jesus?

      Jul 30, 2008 at 4:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #61   Mishee Smash

    You will comply.

    Jul 30, 2008 at 3:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #61.1   v's dog

      To all of the above,

      This is the funniest thread I’ve read all day.

      Thank you!

      PS Look, I’m brand new, and I can nest!

      Aug 1, 2008 at 1:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #62   Brian Fantana

    It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good. They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works, every time. So no, I’m not gonna stop wearing it.

    Aug 5, 2008 at 4:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   let’s not mince words

    [...] related: fight or flight [...]

    Oct 12, 2008 at 8:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   the classic all-staff e-mail

    [...] related: fight or flight [...]

    Feb 5, 2009 at 1:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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