This note from a “friendly neighbor” was put through the mailslot of Dan’s apartment in the heart of South Philly. Says Dan: “I wanted to put ‘thanks for the advice!’ on the door in response, but thought better of it.”
As infuriating as the note was, “I do love how they phoned in the underlining on ‘of’ and ‘the,’ then went to town with ‘curb,’” Dan says. “Thank you, friendly neighbor, for the best piece of bulletin board material I’ve ever gotten.”
related: Two birds with one snowman
132 responses so far ↓
#1
HellGirl
“Hey, trash goes out FRIDAY MORNING BEFORE 3AM and should be put out on the ROOF. Not against the house. You may want to invest in HOTPANTS for the GOOD OF HUMANITY or ask the TENANTS of the building to do so.”
Such fun
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:07 pm rating: 25
#2
Paintball "Punk"
What the fuck is a frierdly neighbor?
Is his name Tuck?
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:18 pm rating: 18
#3
Mark
“Hey, trash goes out THE DAY AFTER THE APOCALYPSE and should be put out on the FANNY. Not against the house. You may want to invest in ENRON for the GARAGE CEILING CAT or ask the PROSTITUTES of the building to do so.”
Whee!
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:19 pm rating: 23
#4
YoureACunt
The trash on the side of the house was fucking delicious!
I guess the neighbor is tired of seeing the trash on the side of the house or maybe they’re on the second floor and smelling the used condoms and t.v. dinner boxes.
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:32 pm rating: 3
#5
Canthz_B
Sounds like a fun town on Tuesday nights. All the trashy townspeople hit the bars after 7pm.
When you shoot their drunken asses when they come home, be sure to do it at the curb.
Be generous and leave canned goods in the backyard for them, or ask the owner of the building to do it.
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:33 pm rating: 7
#6
se
Hey Dan,
The next “note” that you’ll probably get in your mailbox will be a fine from Phila. BLI for putting out trash prior to 24 hours before pickup day…
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:34 pm rating: 3
#7
Grade Ape
“Hey, trash goes out THEN IN, THEN OUT and should be put out on the RECEIPT OF PAYMENT. Not against the house. You may want to invest in COMPLEMENTARY CONDOMS for the PARADE OF SLEAZY MEN or ask the MADAM of the building to do so.”
Mad Libs ARE Fun!
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:36 pm rating: 10
#8
Canthz_B
Rubbermaid™ stock just jumped 6 points!
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:36 pm rating: 6
#9
amy d
Hey, Trash goes out on FRIDAY NIGHTS AFTER 10 P.M. and should be put out AS SOON AS YOU FINISH HAVING SEX WITH THEM, not THE NEXT MORNING. You may want to invest in CONDOMS for the BACK OF THE PROPERTY or ask the OWNER OF THE BULLETIN BOARD to do so. Thanks, CALLOUS NEIGHBOR
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:43 pm rating: 13
#10
JPav
Hey, trash goes out SUNDAY AFTERNOON DURING MIDNIGHT and should be put out on the DOLPHIN. Not against the house. You may want to invest in BINOCULARS for the FRONT OF THE SHAMPOO or ask the ICE CREAM MAN of the building to do so.”
Gee Willackers! This IS fun!
Jul 30, 2008 at 4:45 pm rating: 6
#11
timo
Hay,
Trash goes out DAILY WITH THE OLD MAN TO THE SEA AT MIDNIGHT and should be put out on the STEPPES not the side of the house.
You may want to invest in SILKEN PANTALOONS for the SNIPE HUNT AND BALL or ask the OGRE of the building to do so.
spanks,
Your friedmaster general neighbor
Jul 30, 2008 at 5:09 pm rating: 14
#12
claw71
Now if that note had been signed Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman, I’d be impressed and willing to comply.
Jul 30, 2008 at 5:10 pm rating: 12
#13
Mishee
I see this as a trailer park woman who wants a date on Tuesday at 7pm.
Hey, somebody’s gotta take out the trash!
Jul 30, 2008 at 5:13 pm rating: 8
#14
claw71
Seriously though, does the strategic underline placement make anybody else suspect that this note is really a coded invitation for gay sex at the back of the property on Tuesday Night…or is that just wishful thinking on my part?
Jul 30, 2008 at 5:14 pm rating: 17
#15
Canthz_B
I wonder, what clever helpful hints were written on the bottom half of this piece of paper?
Jul 30, 2008 at 5:20 pm rating: 2
#16
secondsout
I was going to invest in trash cans, but I decided that perhaps it wasn’t too lucrative a market. On the other hand, tech stock is a little unpredictable for my risk tolerance. Maybe I’ll stick with something a bit more stable, like real estate. Huh? What do you mean home prices are plummeting?
Jul 30, 2008 at 5:25 pm rating: 6
#17
Red Letterboxer
The note is oddly helpful and friendly if you ignore the stressed-out underlining. Makes you wonder if Mr. Note-writer drafted it and Mrs. Note-writer added the emphasis before delivering it. She probably worked herself into a rage by the time she got to his door. How far into the home was the note found? The greater the distance the angrier the delivery.
Jul 30, 2008 at 5:53 pm rating: 7
#18
Canthz_B
It’s always the friendly neighbor who has the stick up her butt.
Reminds me of Mrs. Kravitz on Bewitched!
“Abner! Abner! The Stevens’ have put out their trash and it’s only six fifty-five! DO something, Abner!”
Jul 30, 2008 at 6:14 pm rating: 13
#19
aaa
In high school, we just put “penis” in every blank.
Hey, Trash goes out Penis Penis penis penis p.m. & should be put out on the penis, Not against the house. You may want to invest in penis penis for the penis penis penis penis or ask the penis of the building to do so.
Thanks,
Friendly Neighbor
Jul 30, 2008 at 6:34 pm rating: 6
#20
The Other Leanne
It looks like they had a little trouble deciding whether to put a period or a comma after “curb.”
“Wait! Is ‘Not against the house’ a new sentence? Abner, what do I do here?”
“Just put them both, Gladys, just put them both.”
Jul 30, 2008 at 7:05 pm rating: 2
#21
Jimmy Straightline
It is my understanding that everything said in Philly must be preceeded with “Hey Buddy” — as in “Hey Buddy, Trash goes out on Tuesday nights – I’ll come by and pick up your sister then!”
Jul 30, 2008 at 7:24 pm rating: 3
#22
ama
Hey, Trash! are you writing in code??
Tuesday Night after 7:00 curb trash cans back of the property owner
T N a 7 c t c b o t p o
‘poco TNT at 7…. CB.’
Jul 30, 2008 at 7:53 pm rating: 1
#23
thursday
I can’t even figure out what Dan did wrong. Put out his trash too early? Too late? Too far away from the curb? Why would you need trash cans for both sides of the building?
Jul 30, 2008 at 8:56 pm rating: 0
#24
bean
I’m so confused…why does it have to be after 7?
I’m super happy if I remember to put the trash out when I get home, and not after a bongload and some dinner, when I am way to comfortable to get up, put some clothes on and go back outside.
Jul 30, 2008 at 8:56 pm rating: 1
#25
Sarjo
Hey,
Trash goes out THORSDAY NEKKID BEFORE ZEROHOURpm + should be put out on the STONE ALTAR. Not against the house. You may want to invest in SACRIFICIAL VIRGINS OR GOATS for the FESTIVAL of the DEMON or ask the FAMILIARS of the building to do so.
Thanks,
“Friendly” “Neighbor”
Jul 30, 2008 at 9:23 pm rating: 7
#26
Freind Neighbhor
Hey, I just came across this…that FREAK Dan! He was putting his trash all LOOSE in our MUTALLYSHAREDSPACES and stink too. I thouhgt it could be PROVATE and FRINEDLY but now hes all on the internets acting crying. You people obvs never had suffered from TRASH ALLERGIES or youd know how miserable it is but you LAUGH, DAN RAPED ME with his TRASHHH!!!!!
Jul 30, 2008 at 9:48 pm rating: 5
#27
WHITEBLIZZARD70
Well, well, well.
OK, you won the first round . The ring did not sell.
So what? It will be relisted shortly with a SLIGHTLY different description.
I am open for comments.
In the meantime, here is the topic for you:
“Liberalism is a mental disorder”
Jul 30, 2008 at 9:50 pm rating: 1
#28
WHITEBLIZZARD70
The friendly neighbhor is actually a very tolerant und nice fellow.
He had all the right to scoop up da trash and dump it all over the offenders car.
Next time the punk will “respek” da rules instead of acting like a ” HOME-GROWN IMBECILE”.
I should seriously consider to register and trademark the expression.
Jul 30, 2008 at 9:56 pm rating: 0
#29
WHITEBLIZZARD70
Now, here is the true story for you.
After hurricane Wilma, when nowbody in South Florida had power, I was in da hurry to leave for a Halloween party and by mistake parked my car in the wrong parking space (it was dark)
I took my other car (my wife left town with a kid with friends untill things got back to normal) and went to the party.
The friendly c…t of a neighbor (who owned the spot )instead of leaving me a friendly note got my car towed away.
Now, here is a quiz: What happened to my “friendly neighbor’s” car when I found out?
Also, you are welcome to fill in the blank.
Jul 30, 2008 at 10:07 pm rating: 0
#30
WHITEBLIZZARD70
I let you ponder on that for awhile.
Have to leave you now.
Jul 30, 2008 at 10:12 pm rating: 0
#31
WHITEBLIZZARD70
The “PRECIOUS” is relisted !
Anybody getting married soon?
Sorry, the nail STAYS HERE.
You will get Cartier ring ONLY.
Guten Nacht, infidels!
See ya’all later.
Jul 30, 2008 at 10:53 pm rating: 0
#32
Crash
I think WHITEBLIZZARD70 is a mental condition…
The primary symptom is delusions of grandeur.
Jul 31, 2008 at 12:52 am rating: 4
#33
Bikerbabeee
in my neck of the woods that particular moniker (whiteblizzard) has been used off and on to describe any fool who does copious amounts of speed, or coke.
After reading the backstory, and watching the excellent comments here today, I am assured that we were correct in using the term for that particular type of individual. Whiteblizzard70 must be so proud!
Jul 31, 2008 at 1:25 am rating: 2
#34
claw71
Since “dan” will likely be checking in from time to time I think it is important to call asshole on him. Dude, seriously, put the trash in a container and take it out to the curb. Don’t be that guy.
Also… I don’t know what part of South Philly Dan’s hailing from but he really needs to count himself lucky. I’ve seen parts of South Philly and if Dan had offended his not-so-friendly neighbor the cops would still be looking for his body. Dan might have, quite literally, dodged a bullet here.
In short, the note is funny but Dan is a dick. So pretty please, Dan, with sugar on top…take out the fucking trash.
Jul 31, 2008 at 6:38 am rating: 8
#35
Zelanie
Hey, Trash goes out with your Mom every night & she should put out on the curb. Not against the house. You may want to invest in webcams for the moneymaking potential or ask your Mom to do so.
Thanks,
Frierdly Neighbor
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:04 am rating: 5
#36
GhostWriter
Hey, Trash goes out ON EBAY SELLING RINGS every night & should be put out on the NUTTY EBAY SELLERS FORUM. HE’S CRAFTY; KNOWS HOW TO BET. Not against the house. You may want to invest in A RING for the FUTURE GIRLFRIEND or ask the SUPER of the building to do so.
Thanks,
Friendly Neighbor
Jul 31, 2008 at 10:02 am rating: 7
#37
Goldie
It puts the Trash out on its curb, or else it gets the note again!
Jul 31, 2008 at 10:10 am rating: 23
#38
Sarjo
OH. MY. GOD.
Did anyone else notice that this happened on the SOUTH SIDE? Dan is secretly hoarding perfume or cologne or whatever it is and is NOT throwing it out. The scent…creeps towards…the NORTH SIDE OF THE OFFICE!
Run!
Jul 31, 2008 at 11:08 am rating: 0
#39
Al
Dear Friendly Neighbor,
My girlfriend’s name is Trish, not Trash, as you well know, and she is not a prostitute and thus does not belong on the curb among the garbage bins. Leave us alone, I don’t care how desperate you are on Tuesday nights.
- Dan
Jul 31, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: 13
#40
lura
To the South Side of the Apartment Building
If you are hauling trash or garbage or whatever it is to the curb – I had to run to the bathroom to vomit – I will tremendously
Appreciate if you minimize hauling it. Thank you so much.
I was going to ask you since last week but I cannot stand it anymore. Thank you.
Jul 31, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: 5
#41
wright
Hey, Trash goes out PARTYING LATE & should be put out on the CLOTHESLINE, Not against the house. You may want to invest in WINE GRAPES, YELLOW BEANS & HOOP HOUSES for the BEIJING OLYMPIC VILLAGE or ask the X-RAY TECHNICIAN of the building to do so. Thanks,
Friendly Neighbor.
I’ve rediscovered my love of Mad Libs! Thanks, Friendly Neighbor!
Jul 31, 2008 at 3:18 pm rating: 2
#42
GhostWriter
Hey, Trash goes out WITH JULIO every night & should be put out on the ’88 CADDY COUPE DEVILLE, Not against the house. You may want to invest in POKEMON CARDS for the STARVING PUERTO RICAN CHILDREN or ask the OPRAH of the building to do so.
Hey Diddley Ho,
Friendly Flanders
Jul 31, 2008 at 4:38 pm rating: 2
#43
shonda little
It’d be really great if he would maybe tape this note to the trash bag, which he would of course put by the house.
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:24 pm rating: 0
#44
KT
This is classic…. the rules in the military community are very similar and I have done everything to avoid leaving nasty notes for my neighbor who never pulls her trash can in.
The large green trashcan then makes its way in front of my driveway as the trash man gets sick of the woman leaving it out on the curb empty!
So.. instead of a lovely PA note… I simply rolled it halfway into her driveway so she’d notice the next time she pulled in. It hasn’t fixed the problem, but it was hilarious when her boyfriend in his baby sh*t green mustang pulled in and hit it (on purpose I assume because you can see a 4 foot green trashcan from a block away).
Aug 1, 2008 at 12:21 am rating: 1
#45
Russ
The word “friendly” should also be underlined, no?
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
Aug 2, 2008 at 6:56 pm rating: 0
#46
mccormicky
It’s all fun and games until trash is left against your building and not on the curb where you all know it belongs.And who is going to buy the trash cans? The prostitutes? I don’t think so.
Aug 6, 2008 at 6:31 am rating: 0
#47 tilt your head upwards.
[...] related: passive-aggressive mad libs [...]
Jan 4, 2009 at 12:21 pm rating: 0
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