“a few years back i was living in a halfway house in canberra where theft from the communal kitchen was a common problem,” writes alex in australia. “one morning we woke to discover that the fridge had gone missing.” (the coffee in question was stolen from a cupboard, but apparently the owner thought removing the fridge was the best form of attack.)
the fridge incident went unresolved for many months, alex says, because none of the residents could be bothered to move it back inside…and nobody had $3 to spare. in fact, he says, no one ever seemed all too concerned about the whole thing, explaining, “because we spent most of our money on vice, we had no food to put in the fridge anyway.”
eventually (long after alex moved out) the fridge was declared a traffic hazard, and a charity took it away.
related: um, rene hall?
217 responses so far ↓
#1
Katrina
I’m guessing the coffee WAS NOT decaf…
Jul 31, 2008 at 7:40 pm rating: +33
#2
catherine
a) what kind of coffee only costs three dollars?
b) It’s totally douchey but kind of admirable, just for the sheer amount of effort involved in moving that fridge and writing the note.
c) I would really like to hear the thought process behind this.
Jul 31, 2008 at 7:48 pm rating: +9
#3
j
that coffee was delicious.
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:01 pm rating: 0
#4
Canthz_B
“Charity” is a lovely young lady that lives down the lane and gives up he coochie for free, hence we call her “Charity”. We now keep our beer at her place.
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:14 pm rating: +13
#5
amy d
Wow. That’s a serious coffee drinker.
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:20 pm rating: +5
#6
Wade
Wait. Doesn’t that sign say, “STEAL MY COFFEE!!” ?
What’s the problem, then?
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:21 pm rating: +11
#7
Resident Grammarian esq
i) Doesn’t the culprit use the fridge as well?
ii) What would they have to steal for him to take himself outside?
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:26 pm rating: +2
#8
Canthz_B
Juan Valdez and his legendary Latin temper strike again!
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:27 pm rating: +21
#9
the coffee
“. . . I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free. Mankind will surely not deny to the coffee what it concedes to the butterflies.”
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:30 pm rating: +5
#10
Canthz_B
You just wouldn’t think that someone who would go with the word “compensated” would react this way, would you?
Behold he power of caffeine!
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:33 pm rating: +1
#11
Canthz_B
Are all halfway houses in Canberra hide-outs for villains from the original Batman TV series?
Jul 31, 2008 at 8:39 pm rating: +9
#12
se
damned refrigerator probably didn’t work anyway
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:00 pm rating: 0
#13
aaa
A few questions:
How the hell did they get the fridge out of the house by themself? Although it would make more sense if they were in a PCP rage at the time…
Why the hell did it take months for the fridge to be declared a traffic hazard? Maybe it’s just an Australia thing, but in suburban US (can’t vouch for other areas in the US), somebody would’ve bitched and the fridge would’ve been gone the same day. Maybe the next day if somebody was lazy.
What the hell does the fridge have to do with coffee? Unless they keep it in the fridge, then in that case, why not just remove the coffee? Seems like that would’ve saved a lot of effort. (Although that certainly doesn’t have the same shock value as a fridge in the street with PA-ness Sharpied on the side.)
What the hell kind of coffee costs $3? Even $3 Australian? It seems that they’re probably better off without.
And it seems that all of my questions can be answered with “They were living at a halfway house and were caught in the grip of their vices.” :/
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:08 pm rating: +6
#14
secondsout
Halfway house, eh? Was she transitioning out of jail for, say, violent crimes? Anger management issues? Just a guess.
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:14 pm rating: +3
#15
Josie
I bought a new fridge a couple years ago. I had to pay the company $40 in advance to take my old fridge away! I should’ve hired this guy! He’ll do it for $3.00 or a can of coffee.
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: +17
#16
secondsout
So they spent their money on vice… OK… Wouldn’t you want to keep your booze chilled? Or does it not last long enough to worry about?
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:16 pm rating: +1
#17
Grade Ape
“One morning we woke to discover that the fridge had gone missing.”
I have a great mental video playing in my head: the culprit lying in bed… faking that he’s asleep… easing out of the room then down the hall… tip-toeing into the kitchen… wrapping rags around the furniture dolly (to dampen the noise)… carefully working the fridge out of the door…
Come on! Nobody woke up? Last time I moved a fridge by myself the entire neighborhood complained about the swearing!
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:16 pm rating: +8
#18
secondsout
If the feeming coffee fanatic knows who the coffee thief is, why not something a little more direct? Like a knife to the person’s throat in the middle of the night.
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: +5
#19
Kymbos
Hmm, is this technically passive aggressive? It seems pretty ‘active’ agressive, if you know what I mean. If I’d stolen this guy’s coffee, I’d be worried that he’d come at me in the night.
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:21 pm rating: +6
#20
ama
no coffee until you pay me….one billion dollars!!! mwahaha. mwahahahaha.
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:30 pm rating: +9
#21
ama
damn. i knew i should have caught that refrigerator when it was running.
Jul 31, 2008 at 9:33 pm rating: +25
#22
James from Melbourne
Some background:
In Australia, when someone steals something of yours, it is common practice to wheel a large kitchen appliance belonging to the culprit into the front yard. You steal someone’s bag, they drag your oven outside. You forget to give a pen back, they make your dishwasher (wife) sit outside in the rain.
Hope that clears things up! *citation needed*
Jul 31, 2008 at 10:32 pm rating: +54
#23
Canthz_B
“We don’t need no stinkin’ fridges!”
Jul 31, 2008 at 10:41 pm rating: +2
#24
richard
“U know who you are?”
Interesting choice to use shorthand for the first “you,” but not the second. Or the “are.”
“U know who U R!!”
Jul 31, 2008 at 10:50 pm rating: +2
#25
Sheepish
The coffee thief walks into the kitchen and notices the fridge is gone.
“hey, where’s my fridge?” he asks.
Out of the doorway a man with a skinny mustache jumps, “Ah Ha!” he exclaims, “I took your fridge and moved it into the common area.”
“um, okay, why?”
“you took my coffee! now you will pay me three dollars and I will move the fridge back.”
“no, that’s okay, I didn’t really use it anyway.”
“can you help me move the fridge back?”
“nope”
Jul 31, 2008 at 11:35 pm rating: +19
#26
Southern Girl
$3.00 vs. no fridge for 3 months? Wow.
Jul 31, 2008 at 11:44 pm rating: 0
#27
booge
This story makes me sad.
Jul 31, 2008 at 11:53 pm rating: +2
#28
Agent Inspired
What the (note writer? fridge mover? Batman?) should have done was spiked the coffee with something entirely unpleasant, perhaps a laxitive.
Then put a lock on the bathroom door and left a note to see Casey in Human Resources for the key.
Jul 31, 2008 at 11:58 pm rating: +10
#29
KT
The date drives me crazy… was this the day of his monumental fridge moving experience, the date of the coffee disappearance, or the money due date?
Maybe he’s ticked he didn’t have the coffee to pump him up for some Olympic training four years from 8-8-04…….New for the 8-8-08 Beijing Olympic Games….. Refrigerator thieving!
Aug 1, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: 0
#30
jn
I am very amused that the RSS feed for this entry tacks on an advert for a coffeemaker.
Aug 1, 2008 at 12:36 am rating: +2
#31
bean
wow. I hate when roommates steal food, but there is no way in HELL that I would move a refrigerator for it…at least not without a cup of coffee first.
Aug 1, 2008 at 12:46 am rating: +6
#32
jadefirefly
In Arizona, that fridge would have been picked up by four guys in a pick-up truck before sundown the same day.
Aug 1, 2008 at 1:00 am rating: +6
#33
Quite Contrary
If you didn’t want me to steal your coffee, might you hide, say, the coffeemaker or, even better, the coffee??
I’m just sayin…
Aug 1, 2008 at 1:51 am rating: +5
#34
Zoe
And this is why I love that Canberra is Australia’s capital. So very fitting.
Aug 1, 2008 at 4:07 am rating: +2
#35
meagz
Does the fridge have RPG stats on the front of it?
Aug 1, 2008 at 4:21 am rating: +1
#36
RALPHY
I’m really mystified by how a fridge can survive, sitting outside unattended. Hell, in my neighborhood, you leave something outside–gone the next morning without even a thank you note or a can of coffee.
Aug 1, 2008 at 7:28 am rating: 0
#37
Kev Orng
“That’s not passive aggressive… This is passive aggressive.”
- Crocodile Dundee
Aug 1, 2008 at 8:59 am rating: +13
#38
Sheepish
“aaarg! someone stole my coffee. I’m pretty sure it was Bill. I need to write a note to let him know that I know he took it and then I can be compensated for the coffee in a prompt manner. Now, how best to go about this? Where are the post it notes? I can’t find any sort of paper products anywhere so that I can fashion a note to relay my anger at the disappearance of my coffee! Arrrggg! Now I’m Getting Angry! I Just Want To Write A Note! What To Do!?!?! I’ve Got It! THE FRIDGE!!! And then I’ll move it outside so that he has to walk around it and he’ll notice the note and give me $3.00 and then I’ll put the fridge back. What a great plan!”
Aug 1, 2008 at 9:08 am rating: +6
#39
claw71
If he pulls a knife, you pull a gun…if he sends one of your guys to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue…if he takes your coffee, you take the fridge.
Aug 1, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: +16
#40
claw71
Dude must have had a pretty sweet stash in that cheap ass coffee.
Aug 1, 2008 at 9:19 am rating: +7
#41
Stringyhair
That’s just too much effort… Move fridge – check, Find big black marker- check. Write scrawling message from different positions – check. Dang, just steal a pack of oatmeal, a Ramen and a packet of grape Koolaid and move on.
Aug 1, 2008 at 9:19 am rating: +3
#42
Garcy
..”In California, some dumb little kid would have locked himself into it, suffocated, and the parents would have sued the guy who moved the fridge, the people who ran the half-way house, the city for not taking care of it sooner, the fridge manufacturer for not installing a door handle on the inside, and the guy who stole the coffee for causing this whole mess.”
There are people who procreate just for this purpose – the kids are disposable, and the funds they collect from spurious child endangerment lawsuits are quite immense.
At least, it seems that way – but then I’ve been watching Fox news too much.
Aug 1, 2008 at 9:37 am rating: +2
#43
Ryan
Whoa, mate.
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:01 am rating: 0
#44
GhostWriter
It was probably Chock-full-o’-Nuts.
I mean the coffee.
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:07 am rating: +6
#45
Woman on the Verge
On the other side it says, “Kindly deposit the $3 in this receptacle and return it to the kitchen and no other appliances will be hurt.”
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:13 am rating: +2
#46
Quite Contrary
Today I am starting all my stories with “when I lived in a halfway house” and ending them with “then my roommate moved out to join a cult.”
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:29 am rating: +17
#47
Quite Contrary
Sadly, this refrigerator incident was just the beginning of Ed McMahon’s desperate slide.
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: +3
#48
GhostWriter
…then St. Peter came to the can of coffee. “How did you die,” he asked?
“Well, I was minding my own business, keeping fresh in the freezer, when some guy threw the fridge out on the curb and spoiled me.”
…I’m still working onthe rest of the joke.
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:43 am rating: +2
#49
claw71
I’m holding out hope that the guy who did this was halfway in rather than halfway out of an institution. Sure, we’re all having a good chuckle over this post but think about it for a minute…do you want this guy out in society roaming around?
Scrawling on the fridge is one thing but having enough rage on tap to move it out to the middle of the street is quite another. This is the passive aggressive behavior of a maniac. It’s beyond irrational. I’m an imaginative guy and I’ve indulged my anger to unaccpetable degrees but never in my wildest dreams could I have ever thought of something like this. On my worst day I might have smashed all the coffee cups to spite the whoever was involved in stealing my joe but that’s it.
If somebody had stolen his toothpate would the toilet have ended up in the yard? If his sneakers turned up missing would he have hacked off the feet of everybody in the house? If somebody forgets his birthday will he climb to the top of the clock tower and start shooting?
I’m really glad this is in Australia. No offense to the mates down under but better you than me. In the States we get upset at the incompetence of our government. Criminals slip through the cracks and innocent people go to jail but we don’t have halfway houses where somebody is going to get away with hauling a full-sized Frigidaire out to the middle of the street.
Yeah, we let our priests get away with molesting little boys, our congressmen like gay sex and it’s OK if our Vice President shoots somebody in the face once in a while but we know where to draw the line.
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:44 am rating: +17
#50
claw71
The fridge tried to hitch a ride far away from that stupid halfway house but, alas, he had no thumbs.
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:54 am rating: +5
#51
Woman on the Verge
Aha! claw71, you have cracked the case! The guy wanted to move so he cleverly put the fridge in the street where it was moved at public expense. He then followed it and is quite happily living in it… well away from coffee bandits.
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:08 am rating: +3
#52
Journal of Social awkwardness
you now someone is mad where there is both double underlining and exclamation marks…yikes!
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:12 am rating: +1
#53
Journal of Social awkwardness
I mean…”you know”…awkward spelling mistake.
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:26 am rating: 0
#54
Shane
This HAS to go in the greatest hits just from the effort it took to make this note happen.
I’m not sure I’d move a whole fridge over a matter of $3.00.
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:32 am rating: 0
#55
GhostWriter
“The Fridge incident went unresolved for many months…”
Because none of the residents realized that the fridge itself was being used to display the taunting note near the curb…
“Thank Gawd, sahmbody fawnally took that insulting sign ahff our curb! Nah, when diya think the fridge’ll be cahmmin’ back?
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:37 am rating: +5
#56
Woman on the Verge
If only his housemates had pushed out the stove with the message, “U stole the creamer – will give back stove when U leave $1.65 in small change – so there! Can’t we all just get along?”
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:43 am rating: +2
#57
NDR
In the Dominican Republic, it would’n have last 20 min. they come back the next day and they would try to sell the fridge back to you and charge you extra for delivery.
I had a costume party once and some people came as the flinstones and they made the car, they left it outside, next morning it was gone…always wonder what they did with that.
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:46 am rating: +4
#58
APFDF
As an Australian, this just makes me so proud that we’re punching above our weight in this category too. I’ve viewed plenty of entries on here but this far and away the best.
I could think of no more appropriate entry from suburban Australia than one involving a defaced fridge – they tend to end up in strange places.
Believe it or not a similar situation unfolded in my back lane where a fridge was left by one neighbour in front of another’s garage door, and this passive-aggressive standoff evolved where they kept moving it in front of each other’s door. Eventually, like, months later, it was removed.
Canberra is our equivalent of Washington D.C. btw. Middle of nowhere, man-made lake ringed by monuments to leadership, architecture, stupidity and other things . It’s also obsessively circular – not an edge or straight line in sight. So it’s understandable that its inhabitants are damaged.
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: +10
#59
Woman on the Verge
Suffering massive memory loss from excessive caffeine intake, sadly the coffee thief no longer knows who he is and wandered about the abandoned fridge in small circles while scratching his head and wondering where he would get milk for his coffee.
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: +2
#60
Serenity Cupboard
So we may see the dollar rally temporarily but the longer term outlook still looks bleak for the greenback. Serenity Cupboard
Aug 1, 2008 at 12:11 pm rating: 0
#61
Mishee
I myself am wondering if Australia gets reruns of “Punky Brewster” cause I for one know from watching that show that you always remove the door of the fridge before putting out in the yard and writing a P/A diatribe on the side of it…
Aug 1, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: +4
#62
secondsout
If this is what he does when his coffee is stolen, just imagine what he would do if you stole his nose candy.
Aug 1, 2008 at 12:39 pm rating: +1
#63
kat
Am desperately trying to get “kookaburra sits in the old gum tree” out of my head now….anyone else?
Aug 1, 2008 at 1:08 pm rating: +1
#64
Phalange
This story and the comments made on it have completely shattered my perception of what Austrailia is like. You know, the perception formed from the Crocodile Dundee movies, Foster’s beer commercials, and visits to Outback steakhouse.
Aug 1, 2008 at 1:34 pm rating: 0
#65
Red Letterboxer
Sung to the tune of “The Times They Are A-Changin’” by Bob Dylan:
Come gather ‘round addicts, our roommate must go
‘Cause he’s clearly the looniest of us, you know
He’s this close to snapping, he’s ready to blow
And there’s nothing more entertaining
So we’ll hijack his coffee and see how it goes
When the crackpot starts complaining
It’s highly unusual starting the day
All straight, clean and sober and mostly okay
In our kitchen we sometimes have food go away
But our Frigidaire has gone missing
Psychotic reaction is never the way
Now we can’t keep salad dressing
Oh, we can’t keep salad dressing
Aug 1, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: +5
#66
nestchick
In an odd bit of synchronicity there is a reference to Canberra here today:http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/2008/08/its-actually-quantity.html
Aug 1, 2008 at 3:29 pm rating: 0
#67
Mishee
Personally, I am shocked and a little bit hurt that the thread hasn’t turned into “All About Mishee” yet…
Geez guys, talk about slackers!
Aug 1, 2008 at 8:24 pm rating: 0
#68
Timo
This one time at band camp I saw this fridge falll over on this and MISHEE lifted it off him with superhero like strength.
Okay well I didn’t see it I heard about it from a kid who’s brother was there.
Aug 1, 2008 at 8:30 pm rating: +1
#69
NothingMisheesaysisinerrorbecauseIadoreher
I agree.
“little box fueled rant”
That is quite a tongue twoster.
Aug 1, 2008 at 9:31 pm rating: 0
#70
BASKINSROBBINSDOESN"THAVEAFLAVORNAMEDMISHEEBECAUWSEEVERYONEWOULDWANTTHAT
Ummm I forgot what I was going to add.
Oh yeah I wouldn’t throw out a fridge unless it clashed with my all Mishee all the time decor.
Aug 1, 2008 at 10:07 pm rating: +1
#71
bellabeastie
This is totally off – subject — but I can’t seem to log on to a thread or make a comment…
I am feeling rejected and dismayed. So much to say – so little forum.
It may be my compy. *sigh*
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:26 pm rating: 0
#72
bellabeastie
“Tomorrow is another Day..”
To try to get this thing righted.
Aug 1, 2008 at 11:49 pm rating: 0
#73
Craig
That is perhaps the best thing I’ve seen in a long time!
Aug 2, 2008 at 8:16 am rating: 0
#74
bronwynn
It’s times like these, when i LOVE being from canberra, australia.
I can safely sleep tonight, knowing that if the looneys in the half-way house things coffee goes missing..not only will a kitchen appliance go outside, it will get on the interwebz as well.
And yeesh, where is this 3 dollar coffee??? International roast isnt THAT cheap!!
(and wait till whoever this coffee drinker is, discovers that all the starbucks in canberra are all closing down! oh noes!!)
Aug 2, 2008 at 9:40 am rating: +1
#75
Russ
This sort of thing should be preserved in a time capsule somewhere as evidence of the true pettiness and complete craziness of human nature. Unreal.
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
Aug 2, 2008 at 6:52 pm rating: 0
#76
ama
To the tune of “Little Boxes” by Malvina Reynolds
Little boxes
on the curbside
Lil’ ice box
full of hate graffiti!
Lil’ ice box
on the curbside
From an Aussie
filled with rage
There’s no coffee
in the kitchen
And no fridges ’til
I get 3 bucks!
Steal my coffee!! no more
coffee thief, I think
U know who you are
And the people in this halfway house
better give me some compensa-a-tion
Or I’ll put you in the ice box
And I’ll treat you just the same
I’ll get doctors, and lawyers,
and business executives!
See me Sunday, 8-8-04
Bitch, I know u know who you are.
Aug 2, 2008 at 7:33 pm rating: +3
#77
Danman
LOL Canberra representin
Vegemite is gross, fosters is gross, thats why we export – hot tamales and CVS clinics rock, thats why you keep them to yourselves. .
Looks inner north to me, lots of kooky arty farty types there….
Canberra has way too many roundabouts (Look on google erf) – no ownder its residents are going loopy
Dec 11, 2008 at 8:31 pm rating: 0
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