The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire

August 3rd, 2008 · 182 comments

An anonymous submitter in Ann Arbor, Michigan received this e-mail from a guy who just moved into her co-op (“basically a co-ed frat house”) for the rest of the summer. “We’ve tried to reason with him,” she says, to no avail. “When asked why he has to get up so early, he says, ‘I have important things to do in the morning,’ and that’s it.”

the two-word compromise you're looking for: zip wire

The even bigger mystery? Wonders our submitter: “Why, if he needs complete silence at night, did he move in with 16 other college kids on summer break?”

related: there will come soft pains

FILED UNDER: and that's an order · college life · drizzunk · e-mail · Michigan · noise · questionable logic · roommates · sleeping · spelling and grammar police · thanks (but not really)


182 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Louisa

    Damn, I hate rolling around in a drunken stopper.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:13 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   park rose bang

    We tried to send that drunken stopper to A.A. but it told us to put a cork in it…

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:13 am   rating: 65  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Quite Contrary bang

    He should have been more direct and asked them to stop breathing.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:15 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   park rose bang

    It’s all that damn ECT that’s making us skip like that, see…

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Quite Contrary bang

      Actually, it’s the Australian coffee.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   snee bang

      ah, so you have the coffee!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:50 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Crash bang

    I’ll go to an AAA meeting when I have habitual car problems.

    Till then…Bottoms UP ! 8)

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:22 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   PandoraWombat bang

      Why not go to AAAAA (Triple A merged with AA, for those being driven to drink.)

      Aug 3, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Crash bang

      That might just make some people MADD.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:11 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   badfae

      Your joke makes me SADD :(

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:17 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Canthz_B bang

      A trip to the YM/WCA may be in order here!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Bujeebie

      He said, “give AA a try”. Although, when using ALL CAPS, you run into such problems…

      Aug 28, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   smussyolay

    i wonder if he’s newly recovering. from someone who’s been sober 6.5 years, it sounds like a note from someone who just got sober, needs a cheap place to stay and now has a BIG grudge against the peeps who can still drink like they want to.

    i know that’s not funny, but it just sounds like it might be what’s going on …

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:24 am   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   PandoraWombat bang

      Also in all seriousness (I’m a friend of Bill too), one of the first things my sponsor told me is that I need to also go to Al-Anon meetings, to learn to deal REASONABLY with just such situations.

      Bottom line: Trying to set boundaries: healthy. Taking other people’s inventory: not so much.

      ;)

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:02 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   CombatPanda

      I am a Friend of Bob (fuck Bill the self promoting ass!) this guy is just a douche without the alcohol. No soberiety there jerk another self-righteous Jerky McAngrypants.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   PandoraWombat bang

      Speaking also as a Friend of Xena, the best solution to this is, as is the case with all other problems, “KILL ‘EM ALL!”

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Grade Ape

      As a friend of Johnny, Jack and Jim’s… wha’ was I sayin?… I dun’ no… owe ME 5 dolla’s? … I LOVE you PAN peple!

      Aug 4, 2008 at 11:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   tomservo bang

      As a friend of Dorothy…I like musical theatre, purple and Abba…

      Aug 6, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    “Drunken stoppers” are good for “evil ass holes”, no?

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:26 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   park rose bang

      Patience, young ass-stopper, all will be revealed 8O

      Aug 3, 2008 at 7:18 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   CombatPanda

      Ass-Stopper ~ Butt plug

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Crash bang

    I can hear it now…

    “And there’s an evil asshole that lives in the basement…
    The only way to keep him away is by having drunken parties every night”

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:28 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Numinous bang

      Trevor’s no fun since he got sober. He used to know how to party and eat prowlers. He won’t even call and harass the librarian anymore. The only good thing is that he stopped asking every girl to bed. Even that was kinda cute.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 8:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    No-no #17:

    “I’m looking for a nice quiet place to rest my head.”

    “Dude! I’ve got the perfect basement room for you!”

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Crash bang

    Dude…You should have a few beers, you could sleep through it then.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:32 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    I once spent a whole night trying to get a drunken stopper into a drain on meth.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:34 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Sue Do Nim

      Those drains on meth are nearly impossible to get a drunken stopper in.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Delurker bang

    It sounds to me like he *is* the constant druken stopper. Or at the very least, he’s trying to be.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:35 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    I find the bigger joke is that when on summer break they want to be college “kids”, but all other times of the year they want to be thought of as “adults”.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:38 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   aaa

      Which basically breaks down to college students want to be treated like adults when it’s convenient for them but don’t want to have the responsibility of being adults when they want to do stupid shit they know they’re going to get busted for. Which is why I intensely dislike by my peer group as a whole.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:59 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   amazon bang

      I resent that. I never want to be thought of as an adult! :P

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   aaa

      Well good for you! At least you’re consistent with what you want to be considered. ;)

      Aug 3, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   gambrinus

      Cause God knows adults are never allowed to have fun.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Amanda

      Many of the adults I know wish they could live like kids too!

      Aug 7, 2008 at 1:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   megan.

    Hasn’t he heard of earplugs?

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Fresca

      Earplugs don’t stop vibrations, and vibrations are what thumping bass is all about.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 1:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   djr

      In that case, hasn’t he heard of not moving into a house he can’t reasonably live in without trying to change the majority rule of acceptable behavior?

      Oh.. guess not.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 9:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Crash bang

    Dude…?

    The basement of a frat house…
    And you’re complaining ??

    Where the hell did you think you were moving into ??
    Where you drunk ??

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:44 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   bellabeastie bang

      I was asleep by 9:45.

      Ya think?

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   morpho aurora bang

    this note loses all effectiveness with the misspelling of stupor. it’s hard to intimidate people when they are laughing at you.

    “SHUT UP OR DIE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!” in red and black Sharpie might have worked better. maybe a few tasteful skulls here and there. and flames.

    invest in some earplugs. even better, stop being a cheap, whiny bitch and find a place to live that doesn’t already have 16 other people in it. dumbass.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 3:02 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Crash bang

      Hey,
      smart evil asshole was never mentioned… :mrgreen:

      Aug 3, 2008 at 3:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   morpho aurora bang

      neither was condescending, self-righteous prick, but i think he qualifies :D

      Aug 3, 2008 at 3:46 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Crash bang

      True…but he’s not very smart either. 8)

      I mean…
      The basement of a frat house…?
      And he has to be up at 5:30 AM ???
      C’mon.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 3:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Luv this site

      thanks for explaining the “stupor” part. I couldn’t figure out what he meant by STOPPER.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   Sue Do Nim

      I think it was a typo for stooper. He’s so stoopid.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   snee

    dear evil asshole,

    can you please refrain from doing kick-boxing, belting show tunes, rebuilding your scooter, ect in the basement suite before 10 a.m. the noise has been keeping us up and making life hard for us because unlike some evil assholes here in the house (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) we like to sleep in after a night of walking, dancing, skipping ect. IF THIS IS A PROBLEM FOR YOU try to unwind in the evening and get up at a normal hour. I KNOW THIS WILL BE HARD FOR SUCH AN EVIL ASSHOLE TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE OF YOUR CONSTANT ASSHOLISHNESS BUT IF YOU GIVE E.A.A. A TRY THEN MAYBE YOU WILL. we are not trying to be alcoholics here. we are trying to give you a better life here at the house and in the future. though, if the assholishness has that much of a grip on you then just go and get yourself killed by being such an evil asshole somewhere else because we don’t want to live with an evil asshole and we would like to party in peace.

    cheers!

    Aug 3, 2008 at 3:14 am   rating: 71  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Le Bard

      It is nice when people decide, after moving into a share house, that it is then THEIR sharehouse. Seriously, he’s the douchiest douche who ever douched.

      That drunken stopper is fucking delicious.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 4:57 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   morpho aurora bang

      le bard in a unitard
      ;)

      Aug 3, 2008 at 5:30 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   bellabeastie bang

      *party in peace*

      Purrfect ;D

      (as I walk, skip, jump and dance about my second floor flat… having my usual cocktails at 5:15 a.m. knowing that my floor is your ceiling and you are about to awaken for your VERY IMPORTANT DAY AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE !)

      got a problem with that? BRING IT ON WHILE I SHOVE THIS BEER CAN UP YOUR ASS.

      cheers!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   katrina

      now I can’t get that bbq chicken on a beer can image out of my head….oh gawd
      beer roasted drunken stopper….

      Aug 5, 2008 at 8:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   meagz

    So is he like, 40 years old and squatting in the basement because his mum kicked him out of home?

    Aug 3, 2008 at 3:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Ambie

    I swear I wrote the same letter to my parents when I was like ten .

    Aug 3, 2008 at 4:53 am   rating: 71  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   amazon bang

      LOL! I vote #19 best comment of the day!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Quite Contrary bang

      The ten year old had a legitimite gripe, unlike our dear note writer. I HATED having to go to bed before everyone else, especially during the summer when it was still light out!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   BurstingAtTheSeams

      Tee hee, at least now you’re free to get up and DO IMPORTANT THINGS like leave a comment at 4:53 AM. Or maybe not. Maybe the rents are up there keeping you awake with their drinking when they know you HAVE TO GET UP in half an hour!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 6:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Troy McClure bang

    This is a bit like a hobo moving in under a bridge, & then complaining about cars driving over it.

    Or Neil from the Young Ones moving into Osama’s cave & saying “all this talking of killing infidels is really heavy karma, man.”

    Aug 3, 2008 at 6:03 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Miss Unloop

      Boomshanka!!!!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 7:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Jais

    he seems to have a pretty narrow view of alcoholics :\

    Aug 3, 2008 at 6:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    It’s rough to be the 17th wheel at a co-ed frat house party, I suppose.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 6:33 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Red Letterboxer

    All of your more fashionable campus terrorists are very egocentric, you know – in fact, this could be a form letter from the back of “Pipe Bombs for Dummies”. Someday the cops are going to show up and all that’ll be left in the basement is a worktable with some C4 wrappers and some stray bits of wire.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 7:57 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   chick bang

    i love that he threw in “i’m just trying to help you have a better life here at the house and in the future.”

    thanks, mom. i was just thinking we needed a house mother for this fraternity, and you sound perfect for the job. now we’ll need to come down to your basement room for your initiation.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 8:05 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   bellabeastie bang

      Don’t forget your running shoes …

      or the blindfold.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   aaa

    What the hell’s an alcoholic stopper? Is it a cork that is impossible to remove once affixed to a container of alcohol, thus preventing its consumption?

    Aug 3, 2008 at 8:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   bellabeastie bang

      Ahem — Triple “a”….

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   bellabeastie bang

      As in – A.A.A. ;0

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   aaa

      Hey, the “a” stands for “awesome,” that’s it!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   bellabeastie bang

      OOps –A.A.

      Apologizes to aaa

      *sigh*

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   aaa

      XD

      You did make me giggle.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   Bunnee

      I believe, for some people, an alcoholic stopper is a DWI.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 1:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   aaa

    You know, this guy shouldn’t be surprised that there’s going to be noise and drinking when living with sixteen college students (and loses major points for writing such a dickish e-mail), but I get the feeling that at least a few of his housemates (the submitter included) go out of their way to keep this guy up at night just to piss him off.

    As somebody who does have to get up at 5:30 am every weekday (for class, not just “important things”), I can understand the frustration of not being able to get enough sleep due to noise. That being said, move out of the house, dumbass! You knew there were sixteen college students when you moved in and you know that the a good chunk of college students drink too damn much and make too much damn noise. And now you know that these people really don’t like you. Get a place with one or two roommates and be more selective about who you room with.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 8:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Luv this site

      well-said, aaa! I do have to wonder at the “we tried to reason with him” part. I mean, let’s face it, there is nothing reasonable about drinking and partying all night on a regular basis. However, looks like el cheapo got what he paid for. Large pods of college students = noise + drunkenness, period. And seriously, if his biggest complaint is noisy walking on the floor, he doesn’t know how good he’s got it.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   hamburke

      while there may be nothing reasonable about drinking and partying all night but there is something reasonable about finding a place to live that meets your needs. You know that this house is a party house, you are an early-to-bed-early-to-rise person, yet you still make the decision to sign a lease and live there? That’s unreasonable. “reason with him” in this case would be saying that he understood the dynamics of the house when he moved in and still decided to move in so he has to either learn to deal or move out. He cannot expect the other people in the house to change. he needs to be the one that changes.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   aaa

      There’s something to be said for give and take between roommates, but that’s fairly impossible when you’re living with sixteen other people. It’s a lot easier to say “Hey I’ve got ‘important things’ to do at 5:30 in the morning, so could you please keep down the noise after midnight?” to one or two people and expect them to go along with your request than to expect the same out of an entire herd of people. I definitely agree with hamburke, here.

      Although I still have a sneaking suspicion that “reason with him” means “antagonize him because we don’t like him.” Of course, I’m not 100% on that since I’m not a part of that situation, but I definitely wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   amy d bang

    I am not trying to be an evil ass hole here,

    it just comes naturally to me.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 9:15 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   agirlie

      beat me to it…..:(

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   James

    The first mistake was letting George Wendt’s dad character from Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” live in the basement.

    “You are wasting your time with this garbage! Drunken stopper!”

    Aug 3, 2008 at 9:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   amy d bang

      That’s a very specific reference. Perhaps a video link is in order?

      All I can think of in relation to Wendt is Norm!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   James

      Ask and you shall receive…

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI9OYMRwN1Q

      Obscure references are my bread and butter haha.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 10:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   bellabeastie bang

      Maybe it’s Macaulay Culkin in the basement and he just wants to be left home alone?

      P.S. James — THX for the link. Forgot how great MJ used to be!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   Allison bang

      Thank you, thank you, thank you. That made my night. It is also 9:59 so I need to jump, skip and dance to be in bed by 10.

      Aug 6, 2008 at 12:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   DirtyOldLady bang

    I always got stuck with early-morning classes when I was in college (oddly, there were always slots available in the 8am classes–go figure! ;) ), and I managed my sleep schedule by playing my stereo in my room. It was just loud enough to mask the noise of the basketball team roughhousing in the hallway. I got my sleep, they got to do their own thing, and there were no hard feelings on either side.

    The only downside was that I slept through stuff like fire alarms. :D

    Aug 3, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   hamburke

      I always had 8 am classes in college too (science majors always have morning classes so they can have labs in the afternoons). I managed to end my non-lab days by noon and take a nap from 1:30 to 3 (when everyone else had classes) to make up for the sleep that I missed at night. It still left me plenty of time to get my reading and most of my homework done and make it to dinner with my hall-mates.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   aaa

      I had all 8:30′s last year and I tried to keep the AC unit on to block out the noise when my roommates were up until the asscrack of dawn every fucking night (or so it seemed). Although that didn’t always work since my dumbass roommates often turned it off (which was bad during the winter since it was a window unit and froze when it was really cold and wasn’t running) or whatever dumbass thing they decided to do. But that’s why I’ve got different, more diurnal roommates for next year. :D

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   hamburke

      lucky you HAD an AC unit! I didn’t have AC until I was a senior and moved off campus and by that time, I was so busy with classes, research, frat (coed professional frat), tutoring (paid) and being a lab assistant (paid), I would leave home at 7:30 am and get home a 10 pm – no time to enjoy the AC!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   aaa

      Ick! I hope I don’t get to be that busy. But at least you got paid for the tutoring and being a lab assistant. Those seem like a lot better jobs than the non-studenty ones you find off campus.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   hamburke

      I’ve always done better being busy.

      Aug 5, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   ama

    is there a difference between an evil ass hole and a benevolent ass hole?

    ps: U KNOW WHO YOU ARE

    Aug 3, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   PandoraWombat bang

      Benevolent Assholes are FUCKING DELICIOUS!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Miss Unloop

      I love how the author made it “ass hole” as opposed to “asshole”. I don’t know why; I just do.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   Mishee bang

      Whenever I would call my big brother an “asshole” when we were teenagers, he would come back at me calling me a “Whole Ass”

      He’s a prick.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   Miss Unloop

      I’ll bet he also reckons that it is far better to be pissed off than pissed on.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.5   Mishee bang

      Holy crap, that’s our mother’s saying!!!

      Are you stalking me?

      Aug 3, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.6   Miss Unloop

      Ummm… I… errrr…

      (quickly hides the Mishee dossier)

      Ummm, what makes you think that?

      Aug 3, 2008 at 10:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.7   Canthz_B bang

      It was just a mater of time until “The Man” caught up with you, Mishee.
      Time to hit the dumpsters and find a new identity, stat! :-P

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.8   Miss Unloop

      That’s “Wo-Man” to you, CB! ;)

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.9   Canthz_B bang

      Yes, Ma’m!

      That was supposed to be “matter” to you! LOL

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.10   Mishee bang

      I am on the run now… you can just call me “Mrs. Bender”

      I guess Miss Unloop found out about the pot… maybe I need to be more discreet…?

      Nah!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.11   Miss Unloop

      You don’t have the pot – it’s in… Johnson’s… SHORTS!!!

      Besides, discretion is for wimps. =)

      Aug 4, 2008 at 12:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.12   Mishee bang

      I love a woman who can make a Breakfast Club reference….

      Aug 4, 2008 at 12:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.13   Miss Unloop

      Mishee, you are too kind!

      ..and I’m not a nymphomaniac.

      I’m a compulsive liar.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 12:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.14   Numinous bang

      Is anyone else bothered by the new back to school department store commercial spoofing the Breakfast Club? I keep looking at it thinking, ” The kids who will wear these clothes weren’t even a twinkle in their parents’ eyes when that movie was out.”

      Aug 4, 2008 at 8:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   ama

    why so much walking, dancing, jumping, skipping ect. [sic]? do they re-enact The Wizard of Oz every night after a few beers? he should move the fridge outside so the traces of human life won’t bother him. and then, when the H-bomb comes, he’ll sadly find that he’s developed insomnia and can no longer fall asleep… doo-doo-DOO-doo!

    Aug 3, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   PandoraWombat bang

      Unfortunately, he didn’t realize he had moved in with the cast of Riverdance. They have to rehearse somewhere!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 10:52 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   ama

      and drink somewhere! -joke!-

      Aug 3, 2008 at 12:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   Mishee bang

      ama, when it comes to the Irish drinking is NOTHING to joke about!!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Timo

    Dear Housemates,
    This is the evil troll that lives in your basement. I have to get up early every morning to go under my bridge where I catch unsuspecting children and joggers and eat them. Your drunken stupor makes a lousy marinade as I discovered with Suzy (Remember her? Everyone thought she just “moved out without telling us!) If you are going to souse yourself please chose a nice Chianti. If you want to come down and “talk” about this I will be down in my lair reading cookbooks by the lamp with the tribal tattoo, erm, design on the lampshade.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 12:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Crash bang

      So that’s what REALLY happened to Josef Mengele. 8O

      Aug 3, 2008 at 12:11 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   aaa

      P.S.

      Could you pick me up some fava beans on your way home today? I’ve got nothing to go with the liver and the nice chianti.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   cre8tivewmn

    Where does he get off demanding that 16 roommates not walk around after 10 and go to bed early because he gets up early? Although he claims that his roomates are alcoholics, his opening complaint about walking, and even skipping and dancing, falls under the sort of thing you’d expect to hear when living in a house with so many people, especially college age people.

    Demanding that the world conform to your schedule IS trying to be an asshole.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Delurker bang

      I don’t think he’s trying to be an asshole, I think he’s succeeded.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:11 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   kat

      personally I think I’d find drunken people attempting to skip kind o’ funny……but that’s just me ;)

      Aug 4, 2008 at 8:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Timo bang

    “please do not stare at, mock, confuse or laugh at the main floor.”

    Aug 3, 2008 at 1:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Lia

    Perhaps if he put those stoppers in his ears he could sleep. But then again, that stick up his arse might be keeping him awake too.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 1:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Stringyhair

    Poor guy. He should get a bottle of vodka and start drinking about 6:34pm. By 9:45 he won’t care if they are loud.

    Wait- then those pricktards will steal his liquor…

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   CombatPanda

      He should secretly move his stuff out and then when they fall into the ineveitable booze induced sleep he lights the building on fire and walks away.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   PandoraWombat bang

      But why? They didn’t take his stapler!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.3   ama

      they didn’t save any booze for him. just pass!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   CombatPanda

    In Soviet Russia everyone drunk even basement ass-stoppers.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   PandoraWombat bang

      In Soviet Russia, basement ass-stoppers drink YOU!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 3:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   Schuyler Hauser bang

      In Soviet Russia, main floor walks, dances, jumps, skips, etc. on you!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 3:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Tuesday

    Dancing and skipping? Is this a gay fraternity? Perhaps he’s jealous that you’re not inviting him to join the toga parties. *wink wink nudge nudge say no more*

    Aug 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Quite Contrary bang

      Remember…don’t leave your condoms in the backyard!

      Aug 3, 2008 at 3:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   ama

      … … …what’s it like?

      Aug 3, 2008 at 4:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   Miss Unloop

      Gay fraternities don’t dance and skip, they SASHAY…

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Stormy

    Dear Creepy Basement Dweller,

    Our apologies. We’ll switch to speed, instead, to better accommodate your requests.

    Sincerely,

    The Co-Ed Country Dance Troupe

    Aug 3, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   ama

      perfect! they can get the speed from his workshop in the basement.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 4:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   kalieris

    Because I am childish, and also a bitch, I would make it a special point to start clog-dancing on the main floor of the house in 5 minute bursts at random times after 10 pm every night until the “ass hole” moved out.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 6:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   aaa

      You should do it! Then we’d have more hilariawesome content for the site. :D

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   eric

      Well, talk about passive aggressive…

      Aug 5, 2008 at 1:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Wade bang

    I think I see the problem. He addressed his email to can people, and obviously all of his housemates drink their beer from bottles.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 7:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Miss Unloop

    I’m trying to read the tiny letters in this email, but is extremely difficult through my drunken stopper.

    Wait, this house has a BASEMENT???

    Aug 3, 2008 at 8:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Canthz_B bang

    One hundred comments up on the board..

    Be quiet! Someone’s trying to sleep in the basement!!

    Aug 3, 2008 at 8:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Canthz_B bang

    Someone with the evil eye and an evil ass hole can get you coming and going!

    Aug 3, 2008 at 8:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   ama

      Unless his face is stuck up his ass.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   Canthz_B bang

      Colonoscopy, the self-exam method! :-P

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.3   PandoraWombat bang

      Does anyone know what the medical insurance billing code for the self-exam colonoscopy is?

      Aug 3, 2008 at 8:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.4   Mishee bang

      Pandora, that would be CB’s specialty….

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.5   Miss Unloop

      Therein lies the beauty of the self exam – you don’t have to bill insurance!

      Yikes – is that a polyp?

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.6   Canthz_B bang

      Procedurally, I’d say 45999, Unlisted procedure, rectum.

      Diagnosis wise, I’d have to go with 302.83, Sexual masochism, to accommodate actually inserting the scope oneself! LOL

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.7   PandoraWombat bang

      Oh thank goodness! That was gonna keep me up all night. :)

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.8   Canthz_B bang

      It would keep me up countless hours as well! 8-O

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.9   Phalange

      Could anyone take a stab at guessing just how many “unlisted procedures” there are that can be performed on your rectum? I would like to think that any procedure that could be performed on that area would be well documented.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 8:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.10   kat

      with friends like these, who needs enemas?

      Aug 4, 2008 at 8:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.11   Troy McClure bang

      Phalange, is that “well documented” as in “What are you watching in there, Billy?”

      “Um … just a documentary.”

      Aug 4, 2008 at 10:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.12   MJ

      I’m not sure about the unlisted procedures. Best to ask Tom Cruise.

      Aug 6, 2008 at 5:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   Miss Unloop

    Maybe they should trade floors – that way, the alcoholics (AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) won’t have to worry about falling down the stairs.

    Aug 3, 2008 at 9:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   hushpuppy

    earplugs would just be better. the e-mail’s basically asking for no college kids being college kids

    Aug 3, 2008 at 11:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   aaa

      Naw, he’s just asking for college kids to be college adults. Which isn’t gonna happen in a frat house.

      Aug 3, 2008 at 11:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.2   Holiday Djinn

      Disagree triple a, he is in fact asking for college aged co-eds to stop drinking and having fun. I have seen adults drink and dance in their own house before.

      Also, just admit it. This guy is a horrible, horrible ass hat. The kind of S.O.B. that actaully calls the police to break up a campus party because he saw a 19 year old with a “red cup” in her hand.

      Seriously, the sooner we drown these people the sooner we as a species can advance.

      Team drown the party pooper in beer!

      Aug 4, 2008 at 4:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   tk.

    Dear Housemates,

    There are sixteen of you and one of me. I’m moving out?

    Aug 4, 2008 at 12:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   Canthz_B bang

      Well, if you insist on being reasonable…but why not insist that everyone else cater to your needs?
      After all, you pay 1/17 of the rent here!

      Aug 4, 2008 at 2:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #47.2   ama

      if you’re movin’ out, you’ll give me a heart attack ack ack ack ack ack

      Aug 4, 2008 at 10:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #47.3   Mishee bang

      Thank you Terry!

      Aug 4, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #47.4   tk.

      ama, you oughta know by now!

      Aug 4, 2008 at 11:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #48   Holiday Djinn

    Does anybody else get the feeling that the other 15 people in this house eventually got sick of this evil ass hole (sic) and just like in days of old, decided to tar and feather the S.O.B.?

    Seriously, its the summer, its a bunch of colleged age co-eds. What the hell else do you think they are doing?

    At this point the this guy should be thankful that the “gang of 15″

    Aug 4, 2008 at 7:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Holiday Djinn

    Does anybody else get the feeling that the other 15 people in this house eventually got sick of this evil ass hole (sic) and just like in days of old, decided to tar and feather the S.O.B.?

    Seriously, its the summer, its a bunch of colleged age co-eds. What the hell else do you think they are doing?

    At this point the this guy should be thankful that the “gang of 15″ didn’t throw him out of the basement to use that space for more profitable revenue ventures

    Aug 4, 2008 at 7:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   claw71 bang

    Assholes of this magnitude aren’t really good at deception. A few basic screening questions would have made it quite clear that wet blanket wasn’t exactly a good fit for the house.

    The problem is that anonymous and the rest of the crew were so stoked about how much beer they could buy with the rent being split another way that they didn’t stop to think about the possibility that the person moving in would be a dick.

    Aug 4, 2008 at 8:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   Troy McClure bang

      So stoked? I calculate that, if the seventeenth flatmate makes even $5 difference each per week to their individual shares, then the rent must be nearly $5900 per month. And if they’re living in a place like that, I bet $5 doesn’t buy much of their favourite brand.

      Of course, their maths might be worse than mine.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 9:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.2   claw71 bang

      When you’re drunk all the time you don’t tend to worry about math. Look at George W. Bush.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 10:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.3   ama

      oh, it’s not just when he’s drunk….

      Aug 4, 2008 at 11:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #51   se

    the two word compromise you’re looking for?
    move,dickwad

    Aug 4, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   ama

      “One word, two syllables. Demarcation.”

      Aug 4, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #51.2   Numinous bang

      Let’s hope he doesn’t mark his territory like a dog.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 9:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   Drave bang

    This just reeks of an overdramatic WHY ME?! case who just *barely* made it through a year in the dorms and couldn’t conceive how on earth people could live that way. Of course, moving into *A* house is going to be the same as moving into *mommy & daddy’s* house, right? RIGHT!? OH MY GOD STOP WALKING AT 9:56PM!!!!
    I really love the recently sober AlAnon angle but I’m betting its just righteous / pseudo-religious indignation; these heathen bastards wouldn’t be pounding around all night drunk on the devil gin if they had to be ready for 6 AM services every… single… morning…
    Maybe that’s leaping to conclusions… but what ELSE is going on in Ann Arbor at that hour?

    Aug 4, 2008 at 11:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   claw71 bang

      Gay sex in public parks?

      Aug 4, 2008 at 11:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.2   Drave bang

      University of Michigan at Ann Arbor’s campus, tree-studded and gorgeous as it may be, doesn’t quite count as a public park.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 12:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   Brian

    I am starting to love “(you know who you are)” almost as much as smilie faces in my PANs.

    Aug 4, 2008 at 12:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   lura

    The walking, skipping and jumping is his frat mates rehearsing for a community theater production of A Chorus Line. He should know better than to mess with artists. And of course they’re drunk. You have to be drunk to perform in Chorus Line.

    “God I hope I get it! I hope I get it! How many people does he need? ……”

    Aug 4, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   kat

    *sings merrily*
    lou,lou, skip to m’lou…..

    Aug 4, 2008 at 1:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Stephanie

    Wow. Being up past 10pm makes you an alcoholic? I better have a talking to my 14 year old sister then!

    Asking people to keep it down – fine. Calling them alcoholics and setting them a bedtime? Not fine!
    I hope they set this douche straight.

    Aug 4, 2008 at 10:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Andrew

    Funny thing is, I lived in a co-op in Toronto last summer, and had to wake up at 6am to go to my government internship…

    Basically I just joined the alcoholics and learned to love coffee. Co-op’s a funny thing.

    Aug 5, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   j

    there’s probably a good chance that the rest of the people in the co-op didn’t get to pick who lived with them. so this guy only has himself to blame. i think anyone who’s seen the houses in ann arbor available to rent or for students knows that those wooden floors are going to make the soberest of dainty walkers sound like drunk elephants. and anyone who’s ever had a basement bedroom knows that you need earplugs.

    Aug 5, 2008 at 12:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #58.1   Spike

      I lived in the basement of a 100 year old house… with wood floors… and 7 roommates. It did not take a bunch of alcoholics (though we were) to make it sound like a lumbermill at night. I got used to it.

      I also love the people pull out the alcoholic card just because they are afraid of alcohol and fun.

      Aug 6, 2008 at 5:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #59   wont bang

    Just needs a decent back rub to go to sleep.

    Aug 5, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   ryan

    ooo i used to live in a co-op in ann arbor (black elk, and then briefly lester) I wonder what house this is….

    Aug 7, 2008 at 10:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #60.1   agatha christie

      I lived at Luther for a year, and I’m wondering which one it is, too. It resembles Luther when I lived there (4 years ago) because I definitely had to ask the person upstairs from me to stop stomping around his room at 4am- it sounded like he was wearing concrete shoes- and had to ask another person to stop playing the piano. Co-ops are funny things.

      Aug 17, 2008 at 5:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #61   max522over bang

    What his fellow house mates read:

    From this point forward your life will now have the following purposes. To use all your combined cunning to torture me in anyway you can, to drink as much as possible after 10 and walk around in tap shoes every evening until he either: has a nervous break down, kills himself or flunks out and moves back home with his shame based parents. The good news is that now all 15 of us are as one in our shared hate of the Evil Morning A-hole.

    Aug 19, 2008 at 7:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   so, you’ve decided to go out | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes

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    Aug 25, 2008 at 8:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   Alicia

    I really would like to know what the fuck would possess someone to piss of ALL THE OTHER FUCKING HOUSEMATES.

    If I were them? I’d just be louder than average just to fuck with this asshole. Not to mention I would make it my duty to see him move out. xD

    Aug 28, 2008 at 11:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   Do these stilettos match my broomstick? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

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    Dec 9, 2009 at 6:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   dude

    Nice. Someone should respond with “Dear roomie, please do not get up before 8:00 AM. Some of us need to be up late. If this is a problem, I suggest you take some sleeping pills or consult a sleep therapist.”

    Dec 21, 2009 at 8:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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