mahvelous, just mahvelous

August 4th, 2008 · 272 comments

writes michael in milton keynes, england: “i have an ex-service ambulance which i use as a van and i had parked it on the road round the corner from me for a couple of weeks.

“after two days i got a call from the town council’s abandoned vehicle unit. then i got a few calls from the police. today, when i decided to move it, i found this note on the window. i was almost tempted to buy something and abandon it there for real now, but that would be bad, wouldn’t it?”

related: but He took the wheel

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FILED UNDER: neighbors · parking · u.k.

272 responses so far ↓

#1 ama

first!

Aug 4, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #1.1 Mishee
  
  *passes unitard to ama without looking her/him in the eyes*
  
  That’s just wrong!
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:14 pm rating: +3
- #1.2 ama
  
  what i meant to say was… this Polite Notice gives me a unladylike craving for a mint julep… mm, nice hot day like today…doesn’t that sound nice Muffy dahling…
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: +3
- #1.3 ama
  
  her, thanks. is this unisex? seems kind of stretched out….
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:19 pm rating: +3
- #1.4 RunBarbara
  
  mishee’s mom wore it last. she’s a little long in the crotch.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:20 pm rating: +15
- #1.5 Ryan
  
  These first few comments today are especially fucking delicious!
  
  Aug 6, 2008 at 4:30 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#2 Mishee

Whilst??

Fucking Limeys…..

Aug 4, 2008 at 12:11 pm rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #2.1 Timo
  
  Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 5:48 pm rating: +10
- #2.2 Mark
  
  He had a wife, you know. Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 5:51 pm rating: +5
- #2.3 Mishee
  
  I’ve had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You’re not - Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 5:52 pm rating: +2
- #2.4 Canthz_B
  
  Wilt thou please not empty the ashtray before my domicile whilst in the midst of moving your conveyance?
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 5:59 pm rating: +2
- #2.5 Canthz_B
  
  Mine is not from a movie, by the way. I don’t play that game well.
  I’m guessing “Spaceballs” without checking at IMDB.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 6:01 pm rating: 0
- #2.6 Timo
  
  - I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called ‘Biggus Dickus’…. Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 6:12 pm rating: +3
- #2.7 Mishee
  
  Close CB - I liken Mel Brooks to Monty Python in some instances… but we are on Life of Brian right now…
  
  Funny, I was trying to think of a good Lili Von Schtupp line so we are both on the same track!
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 6:15 pm rating: 0
- #2.8 Mishee
  
  But while I am thinking of it CB… I bet you give great helmet….
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 6:20 pm rating: +1
- #2.9 Canthz_B
  
  Only to little men in a boat, Mishee!
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 6:32 pm rating: 0
- #2.10 Miss Unloop
  
  The Tidy-Bowl man?
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 7:41 pm rating: +1
- #2.11 Canthz_B
  
  His wife.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 7:50 pm rating: +1
- #2.12 PandoraWombat
  
  Well I’m Brian and so’s my wife!
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 8:27 pm rating: 0
- #2.13 Andre
  
  It’s funny, but I was watching Blazing Saddles again just this last weekend. Then I read this bit on Wikipedia which is still making me giggle now:
  
  When asked in a television interview if anything was so offensive it had to be cut from the movie, however, Mel Brooks confided that one bit between Madeline Kahn and Cleavon Little had to be edited. In the darkened dressing room when Lili asks Bart if it’s “twue” what they say about black men and then she says, “It’s twue, it’s twue!”, he cut Bart’s punchline of “I’m sorry to disappoint you, miss, but you’re sucking on my arm.”
  
  Aug 5, 2008 at 2:32 am rating: +2
- #2.14 Mishee
  
  CB - re: 2.9 - seamen?
  
  Aug 6, 2008 at 5:00 pm rating: 0
- #2.15 Mark
  
  “I think women and sea-men don’t mix.”
  
  “We KNOW what you think!”
  
  Aug 6, 2008 at 5:04 pm rating: 0
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#3 cre8tivewmn

I really hate it when people leave things around that are been dumped. Rewrite, anyone?

By this persons standards nobody is allowed to have a motorhome or a boat if they don’t use it every day. In fact, why park your vehicle at all? If you’re not going to use it all day, you must not really need it.

Aug 4, 2008 at 12:11 pm rating: +9

reply to this comment
- #3.1 ama
  
  no, no, in England, ‘been’ rhymes with ‘bean.’ so it’s ok.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: +1
- #3.2 Mishee
  
  cre8tivewmn - re: I really hate it when people leave things around that are been dumped.
  
  I feel the same way about Jennifer Aniston.
  
  Aug 5, 2008 at 1:30 pm rating: +2
- #3.3 amy d
  
  Well I wasn’t gonna do this but I am unable to resist any longer.
  
  The sentence in the note is:
  
  What’s the point of having this vehicle if its not going to be used or been dumped?
  
  Awkward wording? Yes, but not necessarily as wrong as #3 insinuates. If we break the sentence at the “or” and then make 2 sentences out of it, you’ll see what I mean
  .
  What’s the point of having this vehicle if its not going to be used ?
  
  What’s the point of having this vehicle if its been dumped?
  
  Aug 5, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: +1
- #3.4 Miss Unloop
  
  Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow were going to make the van into a Relaxi-Taxi.
  
  Aug 5, 2008 at 4:52 pm rating: +1
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#4 amy d

I have a blind spot for number 11 also. When I count, I go straight from number 10 to number 12.

Aug 4, 2008 at 12:11 pm rating: +29

reply to this comment
- #4.1 Mark
  
  This ex-service ambulance goes to 11.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:16 pm rating: +17
- #4.2 RunBarbara
  
  you sonofabitch, i was just about to type that.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:19 pm rating: +1
- #4.3 Mishee
  
  *Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1… 2…
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: +8
- #4.4 ama
  
  good day, 999? there’s an ambulance parked my residence yonder. ’tis betwixt my house and the neighbour’s. anon, please hurry. many thanks. …pray you laughest whilst I lament??
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:55 pm rating: +9
- #4.5 Mishee
  
  ama, you got it wrong! 999 is what dyslexic satan worshippers tattoo on their head…
  
  silly girl.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 12:58 pm rating: +4
- #4.6 Timo
  
  I have 667. I am a one off.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 1:09 pm rating: +2
- #4.7 Joe
  
  I didn’t know dyslexia worked that way….
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 1:09 pm rating: +3
- #4.8 Mark
  
  668 - Neighbor of the Beast
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 1:11 pm rating: +15
- #4.9 Mishee
  
  A neighborhood store has the address 666 and my friend REFUSES to go in there… and the funny thing is she is a Sikh, so I don’t even think they believe in Lucifer…
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 1:13 pm rating: +4
- #4.10 ama
  
  that doesn’t mean Lucifer doesn’t believe in you. and if he doesn’t exist, then who is God’s Worst Enemy?
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 1:30 pm rating: +1
- #4.11 Mishee
  
  me.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 1:32 pm rating: +13
- #4.12 Canthz_B
  
  There is a great looking Italian restaurant near me that has a 666 address.
  My wife, a good Christian woman, agreed that it looked like a nice place, but would never let me take her there.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 2:29 pm rating: 0
- #4.13 ama
  
  that is scary, Mishee. you just made me do number 11 in my pants, a little bit.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 2:41 pm rating: +5
- #4.14 ama
  
  Canthz B, i like how you’re forced to use ‘great’ to describe an Italian restaurant, and ‘good’ to describe your wife.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:32 pm rating: +13
- #4.15 Canthz_B
  
  When my late-wife achieves sainthood, I’ll call her a “great” Christian.
  I said the restaurant was “great looking”, not that it was “great”.
  Please learn to read just a little bit, ama. Until then I’d suggest you steer clear of me.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:36 pm rating: +2
- #4.16 ama
  
  sure, i’ll steer clear of you and your great looking wife, no, restaurant, wait which is it?
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:40 pm rating: +4
- #4.17 Canthz_B
  
  You are astonishingly dim-witted, ama.
  
  I have made no attempt to describe my late-wife’s appearance as beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:44 pm rating: 0
- #4.18 Mishee
  
  ama, just a word of advice… I would seriously quit while you are ahead….
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: +2
- #4.19 Timo
  
  Unfunny thick-headed rejoinders are unwise. Move along.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: +2
- #4.20 Mishee
  
  Geez CB! You’re too damn diplomatic! WTF?
  
  “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” Bah!
  “Everyone’s sense of humor is different….” Whatever!
  “I’m sick of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!!” Oh, wait, that one makes sense….
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:54 pm rating: +8
- #4.21 Canthz_B
  
  Sorry, Mishee.
  I’m only handling this one with my left pinky finger.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:57 pm rating: 0
- #4.22 ama
  
  actually, at this point, i think i’m behind. i guess there are some things you shouldn’t say at all, never mind a humor site. i apologize for my rudeness and PA behavior, won’t happen again, sorry.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:59 pm rating: +1
- #4.23 Mishee
  
  Just put it up against the corner of your mouth for me (just for a second!) and say “Where the hell are my frickin sharks with frickin laser beams on the top of their frickin heads!?!”
  
  That would make me smile.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:59 pm rating: +4
- #4.24 Mishee
  
  ama, don’t you listen? you should’ve said:
  
  I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.”
  
  That’s the proper English way.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 4:01 pm rating: +3
- #4.25 Canthz_B
  
  Don’t forget to genuflect as you recite that apology!
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 4:09 pm rating: +1
- #4.26 ama
  
  hehe that apology is as old as i am. from here on, i’ll think of it as my twin.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 4:16 pm rating: +2
- #4.27 Timo
  
  ” The time has come the song is over thought I had something more to saaay.”
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: +6
- #4.28 se
  
  very apt Floyd reference. worth a plus
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 4:43 pm rating: 0
- #4.29 Mishee
  
  I was gonna reference Floyd in the “pig” thread #16, but soon lost interest in the project…
  
  at least Floyd’s (dehydrated) pig has testicles…. more than I can say about some cops I’ve known…
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 4:47 pm rating: 0
- #4.30 Troy McClure
  
  Revelation 13:18: “Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a restaurant; and its number is Six hundred threescore and six.”
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 8:22 pm rating: +3
- #4.31 Wade
  
  The original Greek restaurant was numbered 616, but, due to a disastrous PR campaign, it went belly up, and was bought out by the more popular Italian restaurant just down the block.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 8:34 pm rating: +1
- #4.32 Canthz_B
  
  616 is not a diagnosis you want associated with your restaurant.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 8:40 pm rating: +3
- #4.33 Mishee
  
  Now you have me curious CB - pray tell….
  
  Aug 5, 2008 at 10:08 am rating: 0
- #4.34 Mishee
  
  Funny wade, usually when you are going Greek, you sure aren’t belly up!
  
  (sorry, couldn’t contain myself any longer)
  
  Aug 5, 2008 at 2:32 pm rating: 0
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#5 Drave

Submitted by Michael in Milton Keynes?

If I called some dude and they said they were currently in Milton Keynes, I’d apologize and ask him to call back whenever they finished up and Milton had taken a shower.

Aug 4, 2008 at 12:14 pm rating: +25

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Timo
  
  They currently are on tour with cirque du soleil. Milton is quite flexible.
  
  Aug 4, 2008 at 3:54 pm rating: +2
- #5.2 Mishee
  
  Well I hope he is flexible… sometimes they might need to keep him late, or possibly call him in on his day off….
  
  oh… wait

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