this notice was spotted by tom from cambridge, england in “the tiniest little toilet in my college hall” — so tiny, he says, there’s “barely enough room to fit a dog in there if you tried.” (but a few raw steaks? perhaps!)
(massive canine infestation: sharing the stage with the light brown apple moth debacle at a warped tour show near you!)
related: so many questions
215 responses so far ↓
#1
Quite Contrary
I’m not really clear on why they are thanking housekeeping for the canine infestation.
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:06 pm rating: +23
#2
zombieBlanco
Mishee!
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:06 pm rating: +3
#3
zchamu
Baroo?
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:07 pm rating: +8
#4
zombieBlanco
Massive canine infestation or not, why the hell do you have food in the bathroom?
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:08 pm rating: +31
#5
katrina
please -do not leave food in the feminine hygiene receptacle either….it is being monitored
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:08 pm rating: +21
#6
Mishee
I remember when I had a canine infestation. They got all in the walls and the crawl space… I finally had to run the vacuum cleaner for 4 days before they all scrambled out of my house and back into the wild.
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:09 pm rating: +38
#7
Wade
Bathrooms meals are strictly covered dish!
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:10 pm rating: +10
#8
Mishee
While we are on the subject… who the fuck brings any food, let alone UNCOVERED food into the bathroom??
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:11 pm rating: +9
#9
PandoraWombat
I think they are talking about canine teeth. Bathrooms often get overrun with canine teeth. But since reporting of this problem is suppressed by the corrupt, teeth-loving media, we never get to hear about the horrors of marauding canine teeth.
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:11 pm rating: +12
#10
Canthz_B
If they have a problem with massive canines on campus, I’d suggest not enrolling werewolves in night-school.
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:13 pm rating: +8
#11
RunBarbara
I guess having dogs in the bathroom is the new bidet. The raw steak is to rub around down there in case your big job wasnt appetizing enough.
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:20 pm rating: +12
#12
Canthz_B
♫ Who let the dogs in…
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: +9
#13
amy d
This is what happens when you teach dogs to use the toilet.
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:40 pm rating: +6
#14
Miss Unloop
Rabid dogs infesting a toilet? Very French…
Aug 5, 2008 at 6:53 pm rating: 0
#15
Canthz_B
I sure wouldn’t like t0 in-”cur” the wrath of the housekeeping staff.
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:06 pm rating: +2
#16
anglophile
Uncovered food in the bathroom? Ew! I read once whenever you flush the toilet, it sprays a mist of toilet water all over the bathroom! Gross!
Where did I read that?
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:16 pm rating: +29
#17
ama
since when have dogs been demoted to the level of termites, mice, and roaches? oh well, call the exterminator…
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:17 pm rating: +2
#18
Miss Unloop
Allow beef to urinate uncovered at room temperature for at least one hour.
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:19 pm rating: +17
#19
Wade
This sounds like a breed specific rule against my chow.
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:23 pm rating: +13
#20
ama
Due to massive HOUSEKEEPING DISGRUNTLEMENT, we must ask you to please not leave any UNWARRANTED PA NOTES in this bathroom
THANK YOU DOG HATER!
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:26 pm rating: +1
#21
amy d
I’ve always had a secret fear of a rat or snake crawling in my toilet while I’m on it. Apparently, I also have to worry about having a dog bite me in the ass.
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:30 pm rating: +13
#22
ama
dogs eat their own shit… so what’s the problem?
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:31 pm rating: +1
#23
ama
what kind of a haiku is this??
Aug 5, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: +1
#24
Sue Do Nim
Just what did THANK YOU HOUSEKEEPING mean instead of canine infestation? Ants?
Srsly, I got nothing.
Aug 5, 2008 at 8:01 pm rating: +3
#25
ama
maybe they meant un-dis-covered food… like jujubefruit and humzerplatzigberries
Aug 5, 2008 at 8:10 pm rating: +1
#26
ama
He ain’t canine, he’s my brother.
Aug 5, 2008 at 8:27 pm rating: +1
#27
snee
DUE TO MASSIVE
CANINE INFESTATION
WE MUST ASK YOU TO
PLEASE NOT LEAVE
ANY CATS OR CHEW TOYS
OUT IN THIS BATHROOM
THANK YOU HOUSEKEEPING
Aug 5, 2008 at 8:42 pm rating: +3
#28
amy d
DUE TO MASSIVE CANINE INFESTATION WE MUST ASK YOU TO WATCH YOUR STEP
THANK YOU HOUSEKEEPING
Aug 5, 2008 at 8:44 pm rating: +2
#29
PandoraWombat
DUE TO MASSIVE ALL CAPS INFESTATION AND LACK OF PUNCTUATION WE MUST ASK YOU TO TYPE MORE QUIETLY
THANK YOU QWERTY
Aug 5, 2008 at 9:08 pm rating: +14
#30
Goldie
Due to a massive canine infestation, please keep the toilet lid down at all times. Last time a dog fell in, it took us three days to unclog the toilet. Also, the clogged toilet with a doggy ass sticking out of it completely ruined our dining experience, even when we kept our food covered at all times in this bathroom.
BON APPETIT HOUSEKEEPING
Aug 5, 2008 at 9:38 pm rating: +4
#31
aaa
Massive canine infestation? Now, is that an infestation of massive canines or an infestation of canines on a massive scale?
Aug 5, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: +2
#32
Random Troll
Hello, infidels! he-he-he
Aug 5, 2008 at 10:57 pm rating: 0
#33
ama
due to massive cocaine infestation, we ask that you not leave uncovered spoons in this bathroom. thank you druggies
Aug 5, 2008 at 11:17 pm rating: +4
#34
Heather
Maybe it’s that weird alien-dog thing from the third Aliens movie…?
Aug 6, 2008 at 12:08 am rating: 0
#35
Andre
You people.
You see “canine” and assume “dog”, but I’m telling you, the PAN writer could easily be talking about an infestation of pandas or walruses!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caniformia
Aug 6, 2008 at 2:13 am rating: 0
#36
Russ
My old apartment was infested with canines.
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
Aug 6, 2008 at 4:34 am rating: 0
#37
Crinkle Crinkle
I find the final “THANKYOU HOUSEKEEPING” at the end a little accusatory.
The font is a little shorter, which indicates that it’s only a footnote, but the stout bold type makes me think this was written by someone actually blaming the housekeeping.
My spider senses also tell me the PAN writer has a suspicion that the HOUSEKEEPING may in fact be in cahoots with the offending dog/toilet diner conglomerate.
Aug 6, 2008 at 5:34 am rating: +1
#38
Crinkle Crinkle
All this aside, there is nothing more annoying than enjoying a nice lamb kebab on the crapper whilst a slobbering daschund waits at your feet with greedy eyes, waiting for the juicy end bits to get flung on the floor.. I’m seriously thinking of eating my meals on the toilet ALONE from now on.
Aug 6, 2008 at 6:41 am rating: +6
#39
claw71
If the location had not been clarified I would have bet that this note came from my old office. That place was full of fat ugly women who really did eat in the restroom. I’m not kidding…the maintenance guys were in there on a monthly basis to wrestle Twinkies wrappers out of the toilet.
Aug 6, 2008 at 7:37 am rating: +1
#40
Crinkle Crinkle
Bet there were no slavering hounds after those twinkies but.
Lucky bitches.
Aug 6, 2008 at 7:43 am rating: 0
#41
DirtyOldLady
Another sad story of a celebrity hitting rock-bottom. He was the star of his own comic strip, and now he’s hanging out in bathrooms looking for scraps of food and affection? I always wondered what would become of Marmaduke in the end; now I wish I didn’t know.
Aug 6, 2008 at 8:26 am rating: +10
#42
Billy Bobbin for Apples
Despite not being covered, the Baby Ruth that was floating in the toilet was fucking delicious.
Aug 6, 2008 at 8:35 am rating: +1
#43
Ben
Is this another joke about Chinese food?
Aug 6, 2008 at 8:44 am rating: +2
#44
B Rad
ok, who let the dogs out?
Aug 6, 2008 at 9:07 am rating: 0
#45
Timo
“This saturday at Veterans Memorial Coliseum MASSIVE CANINE ATTACK with Rabid Flamingos, Feline Fiduciary and special guests! Bring your 100.3 ROK card and get in half price”
Aug 6, 2008 at 9:24 am rating: +2
#46
claw71
Mildred knew the news was going to be bad. She should have called a professional in sooner. Everything she tried…sprays, traps, bait…failed, miserably. Not only did they fail but the pests seemed to increase with each feeble attempt to ward them off. What started off as a spooky little Scottish terrier sneaking under the stalls when people were at their most vulnerable exploded into a massive canine infestation. But budgetary issues forced Mildred to seek frugal solutions at the discount store. Before long the Scottish terrier was joined by a beagle, then a Gordon setter joined the mix. Later came a pair of mastiffs and a three-legged melanoise. Mildred kept diligently setting traps but they always came up empty. The last straw was the quintet of Irish wolfhounds that took up quarter in the tub. The sight of those lanky dogs writhing under the dripping faucet was more than she could stand, so Mildred ignored her boss’ direct orders and called a professional.
“It’s really quite simple,” Cesar whispered as he handed her the bill, “you can’t leave uncovered food in the bathroom.”
Aug 6, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: +22
#47
CremeBrulee
So many questions. WHY is there food in the bathroom? WHY are there dogs in the bathroom? If THANK YOU HOUSEKEEPING didn’t mean dogs, what on earth did they mean? I can’t even come up with a guess…
Aug 6, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 0
#48
mrs. pommelhorst
All I can picture is some asshat taking his German Shepard and sub sammich in while he does his business.
Methinks they need a multipurpose room. Perhaps a dog run.
Aug 6, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: 0
#49
Miss Unloop
It’s from England, so maybe it was Toad-in-the-Hole? Bubble and Squeak? Or perhaps something wobbly in an oyster sauce?
Aug 6, 2008 at 4:09 pm rating: +1
#50
Ryan
Those are some pretty big fucking rats!
Aug 6, 2008 at 4:28 pm rating: 0
#51
Red Letterboxer
Sounds like the note-writer may have misidentified that which is being “left out”. I suspect, since this is a bathroom in a college hall, that it’s not uncovered food, but rather rediscovered food. Sort of the opposite of the problem that occured in a previous post.
Aug 6, 2008 at 4:32 pm rating: 0
#52
buttercup78
C.O.U.S.s, I don’t think they exist…
Aug 6, 2008 at 5:28 pm rating: +2
#53
Brian
I guess I expect PANs to stand on their own. This one is a little disappointing. No smilie faces. No “you know who you are.” Without the context it would have been completely uninteresting.
Aug 6, 2008 at 11:16 pm rating: 0
#54
plumpdumpling
I used to keep a running tab of the foods I brought into the bathroom with me for consumption while pooing, and everyone seemed to think it was so weird. Guess I’m not alone.
Aug 7, 2008 at 11:47 am rating: 0
#55
SteamingClam
I may pee in the kitchen sink but I would never eat in the bathroom. WTF!
Aug 7, 2008 at 12:27 pm rating: 0
#56
Woman on the Verge
This is so wrong on so many levels. But just for a bit of enlightenment: Those with normal anatomy will not require the use of a toilet IMMEDIATELY upon consuming food. Do you think these people are keeping their food in the bathroom because some moron pushed their fridge into the street when he was pissed off about his $3 coffee? And just what do you do about a canine infestation? Damn, I bet Stephen King has a novel about that.
Aug 7, 2008 at 12:54 pm rating: 0
#57
Woman on the Verge
Massive Canine Infestation would be an awesome name for a band. mishee could be lead singer!
Aug 7, 2008 at 1:51 pm rating: 0
#58
Ana
I am so bored at work that I did a search to see if “Canine Infestation” was in google and maybe it was a misspelled type of bug. No such luck…. But it did bring me right back to this site! Hurrah!
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:18 pm rating: +1
#59
Sheepish
When I saw canine infestation I thought of those people with the bad teeth. The extra teeth coming out at all the wrong angles.
That or Vampires. Those canines are massive!
Aug 7, 2008 at 4:30 pm rating: 0
#60
Crinkle Crinkle
Anna I gave you a rating for #58 but if you had of said “Huzzah” instead you would have gotten a marriage proposal
Aug 8, 2008 at 3:39 am rating: 0
#61
Crinkle Crinkle
I mean “Ana” not “Anna”…. cripes that just took the wind out of my compliment.
Aug 8, 2008 at 3:40 am rating: 0
#62
newzzun
That’s one nasty note. A canine infestation makes me think of swarms of Golden Retrievers covering the countertops. And who leaves uncovered food in the bathroom to begin with? The kitchen I understand, but the bathroom????
Jan 11, 2009 at 5:34 am rating: 0
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