Nicole in Australia says this note was left anonymously on her coworker’s computer. “We work in a fairly small office and no one will own up to putting the note there,” she says…not that they necessarily disagree with the sentiment.
Think about it, though. Which is worse: the click-click-click of long fingernails on a keyboard, or the snip-snip of a coworker clipping his nails on company time?
related: At least it wasn’t “grand valse”
270 responses so far ↓
#1
Mishee
I actually had a boss ask me to “Not Type So Loud” before.
Fucking bitch.
Aug 7, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: 18
#2
Tanner
Stop leaving passive aggressive notes on your keyboard. It drives us all nuts.
Aug 7, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: 15
#3
Mishee
I wonder if this was originally meant to be a telegram, hence the halting grammar and use of words sparingly…
I’m surprised it doesn’t read:
“Cut your nails! [stop]
or stop tapping them on keyboard [stop]
it drives us all nuts [stop]“
Aug 7, 2008 at 2:53 pm rating: 17
#4
Mark
I fucking hate it when people clip their nails at work. A little trimming of one or two is fine, but it’s gross to cut all your nails at work, letting the nail bits fly all over your office! It’s almost as unsanitary as leaving the toilet seat up when you flush!
Aug 7, 2008 at 2:54 pm rating: 16
#5
amy d
And so Evilica began to see the hard work she put into her wicked yet insidious plan begin to pay off.
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:00 pm rating: 12
#6
RunBarbara
during my tenure in HR, i always tried to hire people with no fingers so as to eliminate any kind of obnoxious tapping.
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:04 pm rating: 47
#7
JPav
If he/she chooses the latter of that ultimatum, what will they type with?
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:08 pm rating: 2
#8
Canthz_B
Women with talons are annoying to work near. Always asking you to put coins in the vending machine for them.
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:08 pm rating: 7
#9
Canthz_B
The third post-it read: “How do you wipe your ass with those things anyway?”
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:09 pm rating: 35
#10
claw71
If you don’t like the sound of nails tapping on the key board wait until I get back from lunch. I have a White Castle coupon and an active bowel.
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:19 pm rating: 14
#11
Josie
Looking at the keyboard I can see that the tops of the keys are grease/oil/dirt covered and there are some questionably colored collections of grime on the sides of some of the keys. Combined these indicate probable eating at the desk.
If I were to PAN this keyboard it would definitely be to comment on how unsanitary keyboards are in general. They’re dirtier than a toilet seat regardless of lid position. As an IT support professional using other people’s keyboards grosses me out. When people quit the first thing I do is throw their keyboard away. No way should a new employee have to deal with someone’s popcorn and chips from years before.
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:20 pm rating: 9
#12
MJ
I have never understood how those long nailed hos accomplished normal tasks like washing their dishes, wiping their ass and picking their nose…
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: 5
#13
Plinko
I’m coming to the defence of the long-nailed typist. Sometimes the problem is an exceptionally noisy keyboard and not nail length.
“Grow the f*ck up!! Or stop leaving passive-aggressive notes on keyboards. It drives us all nuts!”
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:35 pm rating: 3
#14
Tuesday
It’s probably just Shaniqua with her massive fake nails. She’s the same person that vomits in the trash can (she’s bulimic – you would be too if you weighed 250 pounds) and eats all the raw steaks.
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:45 pm rating: 2
#15
failface
We share a phone in the little basement officehole I work in. There is makeup smeared on the handset ALWAYS.
I would so sign up for the clickity click of nails on the keyboard if that would go away.
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: 2
#16
Malice
I kind of like the tappy sound of a keyboard. Eh.
Aug 7, 2008 at 3:55 pm rating: 4
#17
Milkweed
It is WAY worse to have a co-worker clip their nails at work. You have to dodge the clippings like you’d dodge Ricochet Rabbit with rabies.
Aug 7, 2008 at 4:08 pm rating: 2
#18
gambrinus
I clip my nails at work all the time. I don’t think it’s a big deal!
Of course I sometimes get funny looks when I do my toenails in my cube.
Aug 7, 2008 at 4:22 pm rating: 2
#19
ama
What kind of people are driven mad and brought to their knees by the sound of fingernails tapping on a keyboard? I want that kind of power.
Aug 7, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: 3
#20
Mishee
I imagine once Art Fry dies, he will spin in his grave because of the misappropriation of the Post-It Note how petty office quibbles have veered it off course of its intended use.
Aug 7, 2008 at 4:34 pm rating: 1
#21
nic
The sound of someone clipping their nails bothers me far less than someone filing them. That sound sends shivers down my spine.
Aug 7, 2008 at 4:47 pm rating: 1
#22
amy d
Like nails on the keyboard,
so are the PANs inspired.
Aug 7, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: 10
#23
ama
CLICK. CLACK. CLACKCLACKCLACK. *CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKITYCLACKCLACK* *CHRRRR-DING!*
The next day, she wrought her revenge by bringing in a typewriter.
Aug 7, 2008 at 4:57 pm rating: 28
#24
PandoraWombat
I once worked in an office where people “pimped” their systems to death. One third party utility they had gave you the option to assign “noises” to each key — one guy programmed it to make each key “scream” when you typed on it (in various pitches, depending on the letter). That person didn’t work there much longer, oddly enough…
Aug 7, 2008 at 5:24 pm rating: 11
#25
PandoraWombat
It sounds like this typist needs to move into the co-ed house with the nutcase in the basement. With all the skipping, hopping, line-dancing, furniture rearranging, three-legged-racing, target practice, apple-bobbing, trampolining, pinata-smashing, pogo-sticking, sheep-shearing and alcoholism going on, you could probably only barely hear her.
Aug 7, 2008 at 5:37 pm rating: 12
#26
Lo
Funny! I would NEVER cut my nails if I that happened to me. Leaving a note like that will usually only make someone more obstinate, I know that’s what notes like that do to me.
Aug 7, 2008 at 5:42 pm rating: 4
#27
aaa
At first I thought this was going to be a note about poor nail hygiene. (Long jagged nails with dirt under them are a pet peeve of mine.) How disappointing that it wasn’t.
BTW, you trim your nails at home. Then you bring the clippings to work and leave them on your coworker’s desk.
Aug 7, 2008 at 6:10 pm rating: 4
#28
Canthz_B
Dear co-workers,
I only type so loudly to drown out the sound of your smacking lips and popping chewing gum.
I’ll key more softly, when you stop chewing like cows!
Cutie Cuticle
Aug 7, 2008 at 6:50 pm rating: 8
#29
April
I used to be jealous of a co-worker who typed 80 wpm. Sometimes I think she typed gibberish just so it would sound like she was even faster. Now she’s gone and I’m the fastest typist in the office so I very proud of the sound my keyboard makes. To top it off I have a very loud keyboard, so even running my fingers over the keys (without pressing) causes a noise — I wish that translated to some kind of power over others. *sigh*
Aug 7, 2008 at 6:55 pm rating: 8
#30
ajr
Oh boo-freakin’-hoo. I bet the prissy bitch that wrote this is too young to even remeber the old IBM clicker keyboards that sounded like a typewriter with every keystroke. Probably the drama queen that signs *extra* loud every time the laser printer comes out of hibernate to warm up for a job.
I had a boss walk down the hall once to see “what that noise was” on my second day on the job. It was my typing. Yeah, I have long nails and they click, but I just hit the keys so damn hard that the noise from that was louder. What’s next? Asking “big boned” people to “walk softer”?
Aug 7, 2008 at 7:01 pm rating: 10
#31
secondsout
Nicole forgot to mention that this woman is her co-worker.
Aug 7, 2008 at 7:03 pm rating: 2
#32
Grade Ape
I think we are all missing the obvious. If you hate your job and coworkers as much as most of us do… you’re supposed to put on the magical barrier called headphones. I’ve worked jobs were all I’ve ever had to say was “mornin’” and “peace, bitches”.
Aug 7, 2008 at 7:15 pm rating: 12
#33
Jais
I love how many of these PANs always diffuse the authorship by crediting it to “all of us”
Aug 7, 2008 at 7:35 pm rating: 1
#34
RALPHY
Give her twelve cans of beers and she’ll break them all and after twelve, you’ll look damn good. You might even get lucky!
Aug 7, 2008 at 8:47 pm rating: 5
#35
morpho aurora
seriously? all you could think of to bitch about was nail/keyboard noises?
at least you don’t work with someone who constantly blows their nose and leaves the used kleenex all over the place.
Aug 7, 2008 at 11:51 pm rating: 3
#36
PandoraWombat
Long nails? Typing loudly? Co-workers hating your guts?
Try new “QwertyQuiet” — the revolutionary new muffler for your keyboard!
Warning: may permanently disable your CAPS lock key.
Aug 8, 2008 at 12:54 am rating: 2
#37
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
what a horrible note… as if she’s done something intentionally evil… I agree that “all of us” is most likely two people tops.
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
Aug 8, 2008 at 2:36 am rating: 0
#38
Crinkle Crinkle
Yep, I’m callin asshole on Russ. Your blogspot can go eat a dick, pusherman.
You did get me though, I checked it out. I want my 90 seconds back.
Aug 8, 2008 at 7:46 am rating: 2
#39
Goldie
Cut your nuts off!!
or stop tapping them on chair.
it makes us all want to drive a nail through them.
Srsly, though, if the loudest sound in your office is that of a coworker typing? I want to switch places with you.
Aug 8, 2008 at 8:56 am rating: 3
#40
amy d
9) Someone opening an email that containe a video and playing it really loud.
10) Cell phone conversations.
11) Annoying cell phone ringers.
12) Overhearing someone have phone sex. Oh wait, that’s me doing that. Scratch number 12.
Aug 8, 2008 at 11:04 am rating: 8
#41
plumpdumpling
Nails being cut just doesn’t bother me. I have a co-worker who FLIPPED OUT because someone was cutting her nails in the bathroom at work, but like, what’s the big deal? It doesn’t bother you to see someone’s hair get cut, right? In fact, a woman cutting her nails on the bus the other day accidentally flicked one right onto me, and I just politely threw it back at her.
Aug 8, 2008 at 2:16 pm rating: 3
#42
Canthz_B
All this note needs is some nail-clip art.
Aug 8, 2008 at 8:13 pm rating: 1
#43
mathew
I think Nicole should replace her cheap keyboard with a classic IBM Model M.
Bwahahaha.
Aug 9, 2008 at 10:12 am rating: 0
#44
Troy McClure
Hands over their ears, everyone looks to the back of the room for the source of the excruciating sound of nails on a keyboard…
Quit: Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll type this report for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad report. Not like going down to the filing cabinet and cross-referencing “Bluegills” and “Tommycocks”. This project, swallow your whole weekend. No booty-shakin’, no sleepin’ in, to work you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your clients, put your business on a payin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my nails a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll write it for three, but I’ll type it, and print it, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay in business, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s too many captains in this office. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the introduction, the conclusion, the whole damn thing.
Aug 9, 2008 at 10:13 am rating: 2
#45
magickat
I rather like the sound of nails clicking on a keyboard. Is that weird?
Aug 9, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: 0
#46
Andy
The thought of clipping fingernails on company time made me recall a wonderful coworker we nicknamed “Bathroom Guy”.
He was the guy who never washed his hands, regularly exploded in the toilet, took the newspaper in the stall with him (then put it back in the breakroom), among other transgressions.
However, the most surreal incident involved a different coworker walking in, and seeing a naked foot sticking out from under the stall. A hand with a nail clipper was reaching towards the foot, but when the culprit realized someone was there, the foot retracted into the stall.
All the coworker heard was the “click click click” of this guy giving himself a pedicure while dropping the kids off at the pool. The ID was confirmed as the offender did the walk of shame back to his desk.
In retrospect, I’m sure that has to be considered the greatest multitasking exercise ever.
Aug 11, 2008 at 12:49 am rating: 7
#47
clickums
I share an office with a older lady who not only clips her fingernails every other day, but also her TOE NAILS…..while sitting at her desk 5 feet away from. UGH!
Aug 12, 2008 at 9:52 am rating: 0
#48
Thomas
I’d suggest to whoever wrote that to lay off of the meth.
Aug 12, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: 0
#49
Jeffrey
Mishee, I love your humor but get your Office Space quotes down!
“Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment…” “Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!”
Rinse and repeat.
Aug 12, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: 1
#50
Canthz_B
Hiccough!
Aug 12, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: 0
#51
amy d
The “reply to this thread” option had disappeared!
Anyways, Jeffrey, didn’t you just offer some advice? You know, about the proper way to quote Office Space. Mishee found it helpful, I’m sure. Yet you cannot take advice or constructive crticism yourself?
Aug 12, 2008 at 4:38 pm rating: 0
#52
amy d
I still can’t nest properly, Jeffrey, but you are drawing the wrong conclusion. You said:
I simply made the observation that you rejected advice immediately after offering advice to someone else.
Aug 13, 2008 at 1:21 pm rating: 1
#53
amy d
One final word: You said you know how to nest your comments and would do so if you chose to. That sounds like not taking advice to me. You see, it makes responses to other comments simpler and easier to understand.
However, I stand corrected, as it seems you have taken advice and are now nesting your comments.
It’s very frustrating that I do not have that link on this particular page.
Aug 13, 2008 at 1:52 pm rating: 1
#54
myncceply
Hello.
Watched attentively by big sisters Maud and Leah the newest member of the Norwegian royal family has been captured in homely shots used by proud parents Princess Martha Louise of Norway and her husband Ari Behn to introduce her to the world.
Bye.
Oct 3, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: 0
#55
pony girl
HELP! We’re being invaded!!
shoo!
(they scare me, make them go away)
Nov 6, 2009 at 6:01 am rating: 0
#56 Just a rat in a cage | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] This post is dedicated to my cube-mate Leah, who recently received a surprise “gift” — a quiet-touch keyboard — from our boss, which succeeded in making her feel even more self-conscious about her “loud typing.” [...]
May 13, 2011 at 9:47 am rating: 0
Comments are Closed