omar says he found this tucked underneath the windshield his car in noe valley, a neighborhood of san francisco “inhabited by self-centered jackasses — myself included, if you believe this note.”
adds omar: “i should clarify: the author of this masterpiece is talking about residential street parking, not a private/public lot with clearly designated lines or, for that matter, even metered street parking. i like to think of myself as a fairly considerate person; clearly i’m nowhere near considerate enough.” (not by northern californian standards, at least.)
related: the parking class
152 responses so far ↓
#1
Wade
Quoting Carnac the Magnificent. How Burbank.
Aug 10, 2008 at 5:42 pm rating: +18
#2
Adhuil
The last part was taken nearly verbatim from those fake parking tickets you can get at the gag gifts stores. Is plagiarism considerate?
Aug 10, 2008 at 5:57 pm rating: +1
#3
Canthz_B
Is there available parking for a thousand camels ?
Aug 10, 2008 at 5:58 pm rating: +16
#4
Canthz_B
If you’re not self-centered wouldn’t that make you unstable?
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:00 pm rating: +19
#5
Canthz_B
I read that you gain about a ton on the Two Parking Space Diet.
The occasional compact space is okay to consume though.
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:04 pm rating: +11
#6
zombieBlanco
Noe Valley vs. Berkeley
On the next Self Centered Space Consumers!
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:12 pm rating: +7
#7
SchrodingersDuck
They may claim space is hard to come by, but they’ve managed to fill almost an entire sheet of paper with a fairly inconsequential rant, in oversized handwriting that ranges from passive-aggressive cursive to barely-concealed rage scribbles.
Also, love the last minute addition of an “e” in “hard to cume by”, which just makes the original mistake all the more obvious. How North Beach(?).
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:26 pm rating: +20
#8
amy d
How do you consume any parking space? Is their vehicle so heavy that the space becomes a black hole after they park there?
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:33 pm rating: +7
#9
Parking Officer
I always keep a few copies of the parking notice from you park like an asshole in the console. It saves me writing so much.
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:42 pm rating: +11
#10
Wade
I wonder how two 2 selfishly consumed parking spaces taste?
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:46 pm rating: +4
#11
dan
why is it written in two different types of handwriting? how bipolar!
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:52 pm rating: +6
#12
Pook
I can sympathize with the note writer. There’s nothing quite like having to circle for hours because some jerkwad took up two parking spaces.
Aug 10, 2008 at 6:57 pm rating: +7
#13
spastic
@Pook: what about you park behind or in front of some car, they move, and you’re left looking like you took up two spaces when you didn’t?
Aug 10, 2008 at 7:01 pm rating: +16
#14
Rachael
It’s a stupid fucking note but the guy who sent it in should still remember that even in residential areas here in SF, parking’s at a premium.
I have a neighbor who takes up two parking spots over and over and I want to throttle them for it. People spend a ton of time trying to park in my neighborhood since it’s tough and lots of units don’t have parking…
Aug 10, 2008 at 7:04 pm rating: +4
#15
Quite Contrary
I was just at a drive thru atm. On a Sunday afternoon with no one around. I was writing out my deposit slip when someone pulled up behind me. They waited all of 30 seconds before honking their horn at me. It made me write slower.
I pointed to the walk up atm, just above the drive thru atm. Someone got out of their car, went to the atm, and on their way back to their car, screamed at me “do you think this is your personal atm?”
Why, yes I do. And then I went home and otook two parking spots.
Self righteous note writing/horn honking/urban assholes.
Aug 10, 2008 at 7:23 pm rating: +9
#16
RunBarbara
Whenever I ride the BART, I like to spread my legs to take up as many seats as possible. In doing so, I hope to disperse my woman-scent to any eligible persons in my proximity. I am nearing 30 and my child-bearing years are closing in on me; I need to find a mate. Maybe our friend in Noe Valley is doing something similar…
Whats that, you say? The BART is full of homeless people and lesbians?
Then I should stop wearing underwear.
Aug 10, 2008 at 7:35 pm rating: +17
#17
James
The note gets less and less legible as it goes down. I’m not suggesting the writer was rapidly declining in age as they were writing the note, but when you’re messing with powerful ‘flea’ curses, you must be careful what other forces you unleash.
Aug 10, 2008 at 7:36 pm rating: +8
#18
SomaConsumer
As I sat on the curb I hovered over the plate and guarded it with my free hand. My fork flew like the wind and just as I was finishing some dotcom yankwad walked up. “You asshole you consumed both spaces!”. I have to say that yes, yes I did. Go park your Vulva turbo elsewhere.
Aug 10, 2008 at 7:39 pm rating: +8
#19
Troy McClure
Bumper sticker spotted in Noe Valley: My other car is the front half of this one
Aug 10, 2008 at 8:24 pm rating: +20
#20
aaa
I like how it starts off all nice and cursive but then degenerates into an angry scrawling print about a quarter of the way down. I guess the thought of somebody in their glorious neighborhood that reeks of the inferior Berkeley just pisses them off so much that they can’t contain their anger and start writing like a six year old.
Aug 10, 2008 at 8:32 pm rating: +1
#21
aaa
P.S.
Keep your camel fleas. Please repeatedly shove them into your anus until you become less of an entitled dick.
Aug 10, 2008 at 8:33 pm rating: +1
#22
Mishee
I’m sorry but I believe in Berkeley the “now” thing to do is to park your ass in a redwood tree… and stay there for over a year… How inconsiderate!
I’m jus’ sayin’….
Aug 10, 2008 at 8:34 pm rating: +3
#23
Miss Unloop
The fleas from a thousand Camels?
“I can’t put my arms down!!!!”
Aug 10, 2008 at 8:42 pm rating: +1
#24
ama
wasn’t comeby that really flexible green fellow? with a horse for a best friend
Aug 10, 2008 at 8:56 pm rating: +2
#25
ama
Well, if I were able to self-center, I wouldn’t be consuming two parking spaces now would I.
Aug 10, 2008 at 9:05 pm rating: +6
#26
se
This note was written by two 2 different people. Somebody came along and added their commentary to a note that was already there.
Aug 10, 2008 at 9:16 pm rating: +1
#27
senor coconut
How many of his personalities got together to write this note?
The handwriting switch in the middle is kind of scary.
Aug 10, 2008 at 10:54 pm rating: +1
#28
Qwerty
I think what we have here is a case of multiple personality disorder. Both (two of?) the personalities were offended by the incompetent parking job. The polite(r) personality was dominant at the time, and started writing the note. But the angry, unstable(r) personality became even more enraged, seized control of the consciousness, and finished the note in his/her own style. Then the angry personality stormed off to look for his/her secret cache of high powered firearms to blow this inconsiderate bastard back to Planet Hell. The more stable personality seized control on the way there, which is why the submitter was not returned to his world of origin.
Just a theory.
Aug 10, 2008 at 10:56 pm rating: +1
#29
ama
I consume two parking spaces to encourage you to keep a safe distance from my car, so neither of us has to pay for damages in the long run. You’re welcome!
Aug 10, 2008 at 11:13 pm rating: +4
#30
Andy
I like the use of “consuming”. It’s so nice and overly dramatic, but nonsensical. If you were to consume a parking space, it’d be gone after consumption. I appreciate the effort, however.
A more appropriate quasi-intellectual phrasing would’ve been, “Much like Germany occupying Austria because it’s right next to them, your fascist attitude of annexing multiple parking spaces must be dealt with, using every diplomatic means necessary.”
Aug 11, 2008 at 12:59 am rating: +15
#31
Mishee
I also wonder if this person remembered to turn their tires and set their parking brake. If they didn’t they will probably receive another note shortly…
(if you have parked – or attempted to park – in San Francisco, you understand what I mean…)
Aug 11, 2008 at 1:05 am rating: +3
#32
meagz
I love how they made a mistake writing the word ‘two’… it would also appear that ‘is’ is another tricky one.
Aug 11, 2008 at 4:03 am rating: 0
#33
Crinkle Crinkle
Ironically enough, Omar almost rode his camel to the 7-11 that day, but took the Mazda instead because his beloved doeble-hump was at the flea-market, earning it’s keep by selling off it’s army of fleas.
Apparantly there’s quite a demand- entreprenuerial types on ebay are promising flea curse delivery direct to armpit in 2 to 3 days.
boom-tish!
Aug 11, 2008 at 7:18 am rating: 0
#34
claw71
When you get a note like this you really have to count yourself lucky. Right or wrong this person was really pissed. They ripped off an angry diatribe and included a curse right out of Ali Babba and the Forty Theives. And you know this note writer assumed the driver was female. Berkely chicks don’t shave thier pits.
When most people get to this place they tend to react with their ids and slash tires, key paint jobs or hurl bricks through windows. Others, like myself, lay in wait under the car until the driver returns. Then we sever their achilles tendon with a straight razor.
Aug 11, 2008 at 9:22 am rating: +5
#35
Holiday Djinn
When using a 999 flea curse is not enough. . . .
Seriously though, is this San Fran or Cairo?
Aug 11, 2008 at 11:05 am rating: 0
#36
Chloe
Notice how the handwriting deteriorates as the author gets more and more worked up. Or maybe there were two authors, and the second one had to take the reigns while the first one stewed.
Aug 11, 2008 at 12:13 pm rating: 0
#37
john in grand haven
selflessness is for suckers!
Team Me! Me! Me!
Aug 11, 2008 at 12:18 pm rating: +3
#38
agirlie
“How Berkeley” what a dink/dinkette.
Aug 11, 2008 at 4:09 pm rating: 0
#39
yuri
the fact that this jackass even has a car living in Noe Valley makes him a fucking selfish jackass.
Aug 11, 2008 at 4:11 pm rating: +2
#40
thirty six red
and yet still no penises. what gives?
Aug 11, 2008 at 4:42 pm rating: 0
#41
bastylefilegirl
Wait so Berkeley ahahahah! I happen to be a Oakland/Berkeley girl and know for a fact that everyone in Berkeley rides a bike in the middle of the street with no helmet and avoids all traffic laws therefore taking up 2 parking spaces cant be true ahahaha
Aug 11, 2008 at 5:14 pm rating: +1
#42
Taylor
That is amazing. I like the bit about the fleas of a thousand camels. And the jab at Berkeley. I stayed in Noe Valley with a friend once, and now I live in Berkeley. So I find it extra funny. Thanks for posting.
Aug 11, 2008 at 5:48 pm rating: +1
#43
ssb
well, it is “very berkeley” to take up two parking spaces. still, you have no idea what other car was parked there when that person pulled in, so if they’re not a known repeat offender, it might not be their fault.
Aug 11, 2008 at 7:47 pm rating: 0
#44
Xopher.tm
All San Franciscans are self-righteous and self absorbed.
All of them.
They also have a huge sense of entitlement.
Aug 11, 2008 at 8:34 pm rating: +1
#45
Brian
Man, if I had the fleas of a thousand camels at my disposal I’d go after something a little more substantial than the person’s armpits. I’m thinking jock itch from hell or something like that.
Anyway, whenever I run across someone who has parking issues I usually make sure to park in my space such that there is no way they’ll be able to open their driver side doors enough to get in their car.
Aug 11, 2008 at 11:41 pm rating: +1
#46
Jsmoke
I take up two spaces everytime I roll to Berkeley, those 60 year old flower children have trouble parallel parking their shaggin’ wagons on those side streets near the Rasputin records. Guaranteed this douche wouldn’t leave a note if he had smacked my Toyota with his 1972 VW mini-bus. How very Beserkley of him.
Aug 12, 2008 at 6:53 am rating: 0
#47
Jsmoke
If the driver of the offending car was a member of Code pink none of this would be a problem.
Aug 12, 2008 at 6:56 am rating: 0
#48
Lucky Pierr
I live in Noe Valley and I can attest to a couple of things. Parking is a royal pain in the butt and people do tend to take up more space than they need (Omar, I’m betting you’re at least partly guilty here). Also, it’s a posh little hood and it’s full of self-centered passive-aggressive types.
Oh, and all people named Xopher are unattractive and uncool.
All of them.
They’re also extremely insecure because they don’t live in San Francisco.
Aug 12, 2008 at 7:03 pm rating: 0
#49
Russ
Is that a serious insult at the end? Or is it his way of lessening the harshness or the note? Trying to add humor? Forgive my ignorance… I really want to know.
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
Aug 13, 2008 at 2:08 am rating: 0
#50
MadameRimbaud
Why are there 2 different hand writings?
Aug 13, 2008 at 10:37 am rating: 0
#51
hachacha
I’ve written that same note in my head about a hundred times. I’ve never been to California in my life, but I do live in a neighborhood where on-street parking is scarce. When you park on the street everyday, you know exactly how many cars will fit on any given stretch of curb — and when someone parks carelessly and blocks another space, and you have to drive around for twenty minutes to find parking … well, camel fleas are pretty mild in comparison to some of the curses I’ve muttered against asshole parkers. If someone in my neighborhood kept doing it on a regular basis, I might leave a note. Better than leaving a rock through the window, right? Sometimes passive aggressiveness serves a purpose.
Aug 13, 2008 at 12:31 pm rating: 0
#52
MW
I am actually our office parking lot’s neurotic note-leaver/parking police. Hi my name is MW, and I’m a perfect parker.
I once left a note on a crooked Suburban that said “learn how to park your planet-killer, prick.”
He’s been parking in the bigger spaces in the back lately.
Aug 13, 2008 at 1:37 pm rating: 0
#53
GAP
I am a handwriting expert, and it is clear to me that three different people contributed to this note. So Omar has quite a fan base.
He might want to keep that in mind, when parking in Noe Valley again.
Keep it tight and to the right…
Aug 13, 2008 at 4:53 pm rating: 0
#54
Kamilla
That’s a M*A*S*H quote… Klinger says it.
Aug 14, 2008 at 12:13 pm rating: 0
#55 especially religion | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes
[...] so you noe valley-ites don’t feel like you’ve cornered the self-righteous yuppie market…i spotted this last week on my very own block in park slope, [...]
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:05 pm rating: 0
#56
Jay
Shortly after I moved to San Francisco in 1999 — to Noe Valley! — I came home from work one day to find a similarly snitty message on my windshield, because I had not pulled all the way up to the driveway next to the parking spot on the residential street where I’d left my car, thereby in effect taking up 1 1/2 spaces. I thought it was just me! I should have saved the note — I never knew there would be a website for it. (Unfortunately there were no flea hostilities on it.)
Aug 25, 2008 at 6:36 pm rating: 0
#57
Ashleeey
I got one of these notes before. I LOVELOVELOVE how people think they can dictate parking on a PUBLIC street. How about bitching at the people that park their five cars on the street when they have a garage?! I told the person who wrote the note to me that if she had an issue with my parking she should make her own private lot so she can be the parking nazi there.
Aug 25, 2008 at 8:43 pm rating: 0
#58
camels
There’s nothing more San Franciscan than bitching over a person taking up 2 parking spots.
Spot hoggers need to be ran over by their cars! I can’t even park my car within a 3 block radius of my home because of these jackasses!
Aug 31, 2008 at 12:08 am rating: 0
#59
Lelahmunster
I love how they switched from cursive to print halfway through.
Mar 4, 2009 at 11:43 pm rating: 0
#60
MizRed
Two people wrote this note. One person started it with the snarky Berkeley comment and then the second came along and added to it with the camel remark.
Mar 27, 2009 at 2:01 am rating: 0
#61 a “sincere” apology
[...] related: how berkeley [...]
May 7, 2009 at 12:16 pm rating: 0
#62
VaultComplex
It’s funny to see that “fleas of a thousand camels” line because that is taken directly from a set of “fake” tickets to put on annoying parking jobs that I bought from a dollar store 12 years ago. The guy must have gotten the same set, and it left an impression on him just like it did me.
Jul 5, 2009 at 3:36 pm rating: 0
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