How do you say, “This is not the right place for bad clip art” in Norwegian?

August 11th, 2008 · 80 comments

What do you do when words alone can’t express the depth of your feeling? In the business world, you turn to clip art. And specifically, you turn to screen beans.

If you’ve seen a PowerPoint presentation in the last decade, you’re most likely familiar with screen beans, the clip art collection that will not die.

Says one fan: “Sreen beans are GREAT! they have personality! You have to have imagination and a sense of humor to appreciate them.” You do not, however, have to be an English speaker.

Our anonymous submitter from Norway found this sign in a dirty corner of a factory where he’s been working this summer.

(Loose translation from the Norwegian: IF YOU FEEL THE URGE TO PEE, USE A TOILET. THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT PLACE.)

“The really funny thing about it,” our submitter says, “is that someone has peed (several times) on the actual sign!”

IF YOU FEEL THE URGE TO PEE, USE A TOILET. THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT PLACE.

related: Stop! in the name of clip art

extra credit: Absolute PowerPoint [thenewyorker.com]
Powerpoint is evil [wired.com]

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · Norway · piss


80 responses so far ↓

  • #1   zombieBlanco bang

    Unwanted beverages in the water fountain inconsiderate? Yes. Unsanitary? Not so much. Unless, of course, the unwanted ‘beverage’ is pee.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 7:57 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Stitchin-Liz

    Please tell me that’s not a factory that makes edible items!

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Wade bang

      Now we know the secret ingredient used in preparing lutefisk.

      Aug 11, 2008 at 8:08 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   snee bang

      UFF-DA!

      Aug 11, 2008 at 8:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   claw71 bang

      You joke but have you ever tried lutefisk? I wish they made it with pee. In fact, you’d pay good money for a glass of fresh pee to wash it down. I’m probably the only person here who has had a mouthful of seagull poop and I won’t waste time trying to explain exactly how that happened but let’s just say that given that choice between a healthy squirt of gull dung and a fork full of lutefisk in all it’s gelatinous glory would happily eat the poop.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 8:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Sirius bang

      I’m probably the only person here who has had a mouthful of seagull poop and I won’t waste time trying to explain exactly how that happened

      We’ve got plenty of time, Claw; do go on…

      Aug 12, 2008 at 12:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   primate9683

      Dear Claw71…
      Even though I’m commenting more than 5 months after the fact, I have to say the vision inspired by your response is the funniest thing to hit my addled lobes in 5 years of web surfing, honest to God. I nearly filled my glass of lutefisk.

      Feb 1, 2009 at 12:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Wade bang

    The first screen bean looks like it represents discarding a beverage on the Wicked Witch of the West.

    “I’m melting!”

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:06 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Mishee bang

    I prefer to spit in the water fountain, thank you very much.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:08 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   snee bang

    if i could aim, i’d pee on that sign too.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Ambie

      Aim is on the list of my fifty all time greatest wishes.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 4:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   snee bang

    gee, those screen beans have long, pointy noses. those are noses, aren’t they?

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mishee bang

      I wish my husband had a nose like that.

      Aug 11, 2008 at 8:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Troy McClure bang

      Mishee, have you searched his whole body?

      Aug 11, 2008 at 8:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Mishee bang

      Well, I started to but when I got halfway down I thought I had found something that looked like that, but it spit at me so I figured I shouldn’t disturb whatever it was. It seemed he had suffered from a rather serious snakebite.

      *sigh*

      I never get a break!

      Aug 11, 2008 at 8:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   RunBarbara

      i can think of something better for that girthy clip art to do that point to where you cant pee.
      why dont you point to my personal pee spot and try to cork it up with that nose?

      Aug 11, 2008 at 9:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   claw71 bang

      Hey, DICK FACE!

      Aug 12, 2008 at 8:21 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   lisa

    I don’t think it’s people pouring their drinks in the fountain that makes it unsanitary (come on, it’s not noodle soup or anything) .

    Now, the people that can only drink from a fountain if they are frenching/deep-throating the spigot…

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Quite Contrary

    Somehow I’m relieved they peed on the sign, versus the other option(s) they had.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Holiday Djinn

      I’d piss on that clip art too.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 7:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Quite Contrary

    Please do not use this clip art!
    It is Unsanitary and Inconsiderate!

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:17 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   mlo bang

    The first screen bean is a little flamboyant for my lite beer drinkin, America lovin tastes. It looks like it just found out David Gest and Eliza Minnelli were getting divorced. The etc. at the end of the beverage list makes me wonder if I could discard of my skanky bottle of water in the fountain.

    All That Unnecessary Capitalization Really Underscores How Lame The Note Really Is.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   amy d bang

    What’s the problem? I love the smell of Norwegian pee in the morning.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Sirius bang

      I thought you preferred Norwegian Wood

      Aug 12, 2008 at 12:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   zombieBlanco bang

    screen beans
                  bean on the right — troy mcclure
                  bean on the left — everyone else

    Aug 11, 2008 at 8:28 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   RALPHY

    Those signs take all the fun out of my draining my lizard. Can I at least sit on the fountain and blast a fart into the next county—OOOOOPS, there was a surprise in that one—-excuse please.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 9:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   aaa

    Well, big bold yellow letters on an orange and black background weren’t enough to keep me from peeing in a corner, but now that I see Pinocchio pointing at the ground accusingly, I’ll just hold my bladder until I get to a proper toilet. Or a sink. Whichever I get to first.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 9:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   marlo

    Pee in the fountain and dump coffee on the sign.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 9:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   PandoraWombat bang

    Disposing of beverages in the water fountain is inconsiderate? Inconsiderate to whom? The water fountain? Just wondering.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 9:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   RunBarbara

    The clip art on the first sign looks like its running from a bomb scare, not a clogged water fountain. Unless a water fountain is clogged with rotting flesh, flies and the vomit of Vikings, I probably wont break a sweat to get away from it and I certainly wont alarm others with dramatic posturing.
    That is just Inconsiderate.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 9:49 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Miss Unloop

    Discarding beverages in the water fountain makes Cyrano DeBergerac run screaming!

    Aug 11, 2008 at 9:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Wade bang

      Cyrano runs from no one!

      Pinocchio, on the other hand…

      Aug 11, 2008 at 10:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Miss Unloop

    In Soviet Russia sign pees on YOU.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 11:04 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    Clearly, improper disposal of inappropriate beverages results in the sky falling.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 11:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   agirlie

      appropriate beverage+inappropriate disposal=terrible bean men, which far worse than the chicken little scenario.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 2:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   James

    Alls they gotta do is stick a live car battery behind that sign and *bam!*
    Sir Piss-a-lot has learned his lesson, and they can go back to pickling herring, or… whatever country that does that can… keep doing that unabated, I guess.

    I’m so tired.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 11:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   aaa

      Well, they do say not to pee on the third rail…

      Aug 12, 2008 at 6:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Miss Unloop

    When the Olympic characters get fat and retire, they become Screen Beans.

    Aug 11, 2008 at 11:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   James

      And when the Screen Beans lose their agility they become figures on public amenities signs.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 1:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Crinkle Crinkle

    Water fountain Bean was a carefree, supple sprout who would oft abandon his Bean Jeans and run with gay abandon into the wild blue sea.

    His brother Pee Bean was a stern, authoritarian stalk, given to much chest puffing and finger waggin at assorted Norwegian cocks.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:48 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   meagz

      Water Fountain Bean has discovered the joys of public nudity.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 5:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Holiday Djinn

      Norwegian wood?

      Aug 12, 2008 at 8:20 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   claw71 bang

      Assorted Norwegian Cocks…I think they’re opening for the Goo Goo Dolls at the LC.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 8:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   Spike

      Isn’t it good?

      Aug 12, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Holiday Djinn

    I cannot bring my food into the bathroom with me because of dogs, and now i cannot dump my unused beverage in the drinking fountain? What kinda jerks are these people?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 7:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   claw71 bang

    You know what else has personality? No, not the ant with high apple pie in the sky hopes…I’m talking about the Lohan family. Britney Spears and K-Fed also have personality. Diddy has personality. You see personality isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. So the next time you’re putting together a training presentation you might want to think about that before you click on the Screen Beans folder.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 8:18 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   dan

    det er riktig du skitne dyr!

    Aug 12, 2008 at 9:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Crinkle Crinkle

      Dan, Vad är riktig dyr? Du måste prata Engelska, inte Svenska har..

      Aug 13, 2008 at 6:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Mishee bang

      A Møøse once bit my sister… No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”… Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti…

      Aug 13, 2008 at 8:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Mark bang

      We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   unholyghost2003 bang

    There seems to be a fairly large variety of these “screen beans” so why is it that when ever I have seen one of these things the posture and intent of the bean is always totally unrelated to the written content?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 9:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   thirty six red

    It needs the word POOP written on it in fecal scrawl- where is that guy when you need him?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 10:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Holiday Djinn

      “Fecal Scrawl” should be an available font in the MS office suite. ;-)
      It may add to there being many more passive aggressive notes typed than handwritten.

      o

      Aug 12, 2008 at 12:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Crinkle Crinkle

      This just in- AssortedNorwegian Cocks now cancelled for their LC gig. The Goo Goo Dolls will now be supported by Fecal Scrawl.

      Team Claw.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Grade Ape

    Someone is bound to say it, so I might as well be the unoriginal ass… In the words of Mr. Costanza, “It’s all pipes!”

    I admit that I’ve used a drinking fountain as a sink. At least when I tire of my cold coffee I don’t drop the half full cup in the trash can. Or even worse, place it gently in the trash to make sure it stays upright… I can’t stand when people do that shit.

    Team Eradicate Garbage Water!

    Aug 12, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   zombieBlanco bang

    Liquids combined with dry garbage combine to form garbage juice, not the aforesaid previously mentioned garbage water.

    Doesn’t garbage juice sound so much yummier?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 12:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Grade Ape

      crap… you’re right!… stupid! stupid Ape!

      Aug 12, 2008 at 1:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   bwyn bang

      Garbage Juice is indeed lovely, but it can’t hold a candle to “office haggis.”

      Aug 12, 2008 at 1:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Mishee bang

    What company still has a water fountain? I mean, really….

    Aug 12, 2008 at 12:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Sirius bang

      Well, it’s made by some French plumbing company called “Bidet” that I’ve never heard of.

      A little close to the ground though — I guess so children/midgets/HR people can use it.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 1:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   katrina

      bidets scare the crap out of me…pardon the pun….I always put bouquets of flowers in them when the hotel room has one. Scared the maid, I would imagine….

      Aug 12, 2008 at 8:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   HS

    Chuck Norris will pee wherever he likes.
    Chuck Norris can also discard any beverage of his choosing in the water fountain…
    and the fountain will thank him.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 1:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Mishee bang

      Well, when Chuck Norris pees it’s actually Cristal.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 1:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   ShizzStirrer

      Don’t you mean Miller High Life – the champange of beers?

      Aug 12, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   djr

      Chuck Norris only pees the finest of imported beers. Unless he’s feeling a little classy, then he pees the finest of champagne.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   djr

    How is an unwanted beverage poored down the drain less sanitary than the drooly spit-water that washes down as one drinks from the fountain?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   bwyn bang

    When I worked at a university (and colleges have an abundance of water fountains to refill those ubiquitous Nalgene bottles that everyone carries around, plus it was a public university so we couldn’t afford a water cooler) I saw an amazing variety of drink-related smegma festering in the water fountains. It wasn’t the drink residue itself that was unsanitary, it was the coffee grounds, phlegm, shreds of plastic, etc.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Sirius bang

      And this year’s nominees for Most Gratuitous Use of the Word “Smegma” in a Comment Posting are…

      because really, coffee grounds and phlegm are more reminiscent of “Santorum”

      Aug 12, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   bwyn bang

      The important difference to be made here is that Santorum has a definite composition and origin; you couldn’t even be sure that the detritus in the fountain was beverage-related.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 1:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.3   Sirius bang

      Well, at least you didn’t say “Belgium” :)

      Aug 12, 2008 at 2:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   LS77

    The only time I’d drink on a water fountain is if I’m stranded in the middle of Sahara dessert.

    How about:
    “DO NOT touch your lips on the spout of the fountain (or the mouth of your drinking bottle). IT IS SOOOO VERY DISGUSTING! not to mention unsanitary and inconsiderate “

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Thirsty

    Seems to me the first screen bean has problems, given that the mention of beverage remnants set him off tearing all his hair out, running and screaming while waving his hands scandalously about in the air.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   jabbadabbaduu

    The answer is: “Dette er ikke rett sted for dårlig clip art!”

    Aug 13, 2008 at 6:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   obskur

    I’m the contributor of the “pee-sign”, and I though you should know that the factory makes aluminium, – not food ;) (og takk Gud for det!

    Dog, man kan vel spise sink også?

    Aug 24, 2008 at 6:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   primate9683

    Concerning the first picture, what I want to know is, why is dumping any liquids in the drain of the drinking fountain a problem in the first place? Is it recycling spit or something?

    Jan 31, 2009 at 11:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   From the Department of Inappropriate Clip Art | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Screenbeans are never okay [...]

    May 28, 2010 at 12:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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