Signed with a Glasgow kiss

August 12th, 2008 · 107 comments

Rodti and Laura Elizabeth spotted these charming examples of local Scottish color outside an Internet cafe in Glasgow’s West End.

Folks we have toilets that only paying customers can use. I don't care who you are, how old you are, if your [sic] ill or not i have heard them all, FROM 1 - 100. The answer is no you can't use our toilet! Thank the person who smashed my toilet, don't take your energy out on the staff this was the owners statement!

Toilet poem! for all non customers who wish to use our toilet please read and take note! The pee house! for all the people who need the loo, heres a poem just for you, wether its a 1 or a 2 our lovely toilet is not for you! jog on!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, a grocery story elsewhere in Glasgow displays a similar plea for clemency…one that seems intended for a similar clientele.

Do to delivery error I regret to inform that this shop has no Buckfast at ALL please do not abuse the staff as it is not their fault. Thanks

related: Blame it on Coke

extra credit: Buckfast tonic wine [wikipedia]
The worst toilet in Scotland [youtube]

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · apostrophe abuse · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Glasgow · irregular capitalization · not my fault · pure poetry · spelling and grammar police · toilet · U.K.


107 responses so far ↓

  • #1   César

    If i see that sign I swear I’ll pee my pants right there on their floor.

    What assholes.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   aaa

      Snap! I just threatened you with the unitard since you said “First!”, but you edited your post.

      I’ll get you next time…

      THX Sandra

      Aug 12, 2008 at 2:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Josie

      I think urinating on the floor due to the absence of Buckfast can be considered abusing the staff.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   aaa

    So I had to click the Buckfast link since I’m American and had no idea what the fuck it is. Seems that it’s a favorite among underage hooligans. No wonder they have to plea for clemency when they’re out of the stuff.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Melissa

    Quick! Send in Trader Joe’s relief supplies of Two Buck Chuckfast!

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   failface

    Do they not have Ripple to slake their winos’ thirst?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Wilko

    A Poem:

    The Curse

    to the shop that forbids pee
    , no customers shall visit thee

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:12 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Mishee bang

    What if I tell you 101? Have you heard that one?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Sirius bang

    You say that I must pay to pee
    I’d like to test that theory

    The toliet-smasher is a worm
    Dont’ take it out on we who squirm!

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:16 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Sirius bang

    Deny me Buckfast, to my face?
    My chavvy mates will trash the place!

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:18 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   amy d bang

    How do their toilets know who is a paying customer and who is not?

    Modern technology rocks!

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:20 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   reyna ulikba

      What if my friend treated me to lunch. Am I not allowed to use the loo because technically, I was not a paying customer?

      Team freeloaders!

      Aug 13, 2008 at 10:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   RunBarbara bang

    regarding the first note-
    its kind that they consider the toilet “staff”. its nice to personify objects, especially ones that dispose of your crap. i wonder if it has a little vest and name tag draped over its tank…

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   amy d bang

      And maybe a kilt around the base.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 2:25 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   lienne

      That’s right!

      Lazy, slothful, porcelain layabout!

      You get a job!

      Aug 15, 2008 at 1:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   claw71 bang

    I would never stoop so low as to take my frustrations with your inability to manage your place of business out on the staff. No, I reserve my pent up hostility toward my mother for them. She wouldn’t buy me Bubble Tape and now the retail world will feel my wrath.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   elizabeth

    What is a Buckfast?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Punky Punkster

      Wisecracking Bartender: “Would ya like a Buckfast?
      You: “Sure!
      Wisecracking Bartender: “Then gimme a one-minute blowjob.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   unholyghost2003 bang

    Ah! Bum Wines of the U.K. hmm or maybe not. The review makes it sound like the booze of the marginally employed alcoholic. So I suppose the better question than “Don’t they have any Ripple?” is “Don’t they have any Kamchatka?”

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Bunnee

      or Boone’s Farm…

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Timo

      Ahhhh Buckfast the Boone’s Farm, the Thunderbird and MD20/20 of the Soccer Hooligan! I like that the Irish eschew the vanilla flavour found in the UK version. They must like their ‘commotion lotion’ with a bite.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 6:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Helena

      Man, I could go through some fuzzy navel Boone’s Farm when I was an under-aged hooligan.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   claw71 bang

    I’m sorry to say that I’m out of dough
    but I still need to use the rest room though
    To me I hope you’ll give a pass
    seeing as how the turd has breached my ass
    If this is something of which you can’t see fit
    I’ll squat right here to take a shit
    Your paying patrons will be disgusted
    to see and smell what my colon’s busted
    The choice is yours, you hold your fate
    The loo or the floor, I cannot wait.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:35 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Lurker

      I’m sure I’m not the only person who read the notes and dreaded reading really bad poetic responses. I am also sure that I’m not the only person who read Claw’s poem and laughed hysterically. Awesome. I love Claw and not just in that internet way so many of you do. I am literally in love.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 2:49 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   RunBarbara bang

      I will literally chew your heart out of your chest. Stand in line. Claw is, literally, spoken for.
      .
      .
      Yes, Im aware that Im creepy. You best come correct.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Joe

      Literally in love? You love him for his words?

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   claw71 bang

      When the words are play with my albino python you can bet your sweet bibby that the love abounds.

      You can feel the love, Joe, and when your wife starts screaming in ecstacy you can hear it too.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   claw71 bang

      Jeez, RB, that’s pretty intense. I’ll think twice the next time I’m fixing to rub one out. Or I’ll think of you…how’d that be?

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   Miss Unloop

      Claw, my heart is a-flutter. I mean it.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 5:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Mishee bang

      Its his active bowel. Women can’t get enough of it.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 5:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Miss Unloop

      So those aren’t pheromones?

      Aug 12, 2008 at 5:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   Crinkle Crinkle

      Re# 14.2 Miss Barbara, “You best come correct” is classic. :)

      Sounds like if Mary Poppins and Method Man married and started finishing off each others sentences the way married couples do, this would be something they would say.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 7:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Chloe

    It’s obnoxious enough for business owners to restrict the use of their bathrooms (would they prefer customers piss on their floor?)…but to go so far as to write a poem about it? Them’s fightin’ words.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Quite Contrary

      Well, since they have no paying customers, they have time on their hands…

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Quite Contrary

    So, am I allowed to use the toilet if I am there to return something?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 2:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Wilko

      The facilities are for paying customers so these bastards would make you take something out of the toilet.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Joe

      Buy something, take it to the restroom, then return it.

      Like so. (The first note.)

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Bunnee

    But if I’m 101, I can go in and make an excuse as to why I need the bathroom?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 3:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   claw71 bang

      If you’re 101 does it even matter?

      I guess it Depends

      Aug 12, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Naturally, the first sign was written by someone with an anal retentive personality.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    Please Sir! Please Sir!
    Please don’t scold me!
    My bladder is weak,
    I cannot hold pee!

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   CitizenEditor

    Buckfast is the worlds worst alcoholic beverage. Now there aren’t so many smackheads in Glasgow they’re all just pissed up instead.

    What a win.

    PS: Wiki has it that Ripple is no longer produced

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   secondsout bang

    So at this internet cafe, do you think they might be able to look up an online guide to grammar, spelling, comma usage, and capitalization?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   secondsout bang

    Can one use a “high street gift voucher” to purchase rotgut wine? COOL!

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   CitizenEditor

      Yep, just been and tried. I knew I’d find a use for that oneday…

      Aug 12, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   ama

    I don’t care who you are (who you a-are)
    Where you’re from
    If your ill or not
    As long as you jog on…

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   ama

    Buckfest 2008 was so awesome!! WOOHOO! My favorite band was Delivery Errors….playing “I Regret To Inform (That This Shop Has No ****fast)” and “Please Do Not Abuse The Staff (As It Is Not Their Fault).”

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:31 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   snee

      it would have been better if i hadn’t had to pee on the curb.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 5:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Phalange

      I hear Massive Canine Infestation is going to be playing @ Buckfest 2009!

      Aug 13, 2008 at 7:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Mishee bang

      Well I hope its better than Buckfest ’08 – the Light Brown Apple Moth Debacle couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket!

      Aug 13, 2008 at 9:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   timo

      Oh yeah BuckFest ’08 was a disappointment. That shoe gazing emo band Losing Lisa was a real buzz kill.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 9:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Hola

      I can’t wait to see the Unitard Band play “That Buckfast was fucking delicious” or “See Casey In Human Resources”.

      That would be great!!

      Aug 14, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   thirty six red

    But can I take my food in there? Will you allow my dog to take a shit in there if I buy something?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Holiday Djinn

    I’m a man, i would just piss in their doorway after hours, or on the managers car. Either way, i am relieved. :-)

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Timo

      Dropping a nice sturdy deuce on the managers bonnet has a good satisfying way about it too.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 6:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   katrina

      I still say they must have a pee in their bonnets as well…..

      Aug 12, 2008 at 6:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   octavius

    These signs are very polite for the average Glaswegian. They must be in the posh end of the city of deep fried Mars bars, the only place in the world where the English are considered to have good teeth.

    I just noticed the door at the bottom doesn’t have security glass, it can’t be in Glasgow at all.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Philip

      Hey, imbecile! Your post makes no sense – it obeys no internal logic from one clause to the next, and your tenuous grasp of geography marks you out as a first-class fucktard.

      Did you have a bad experience in Glasgow? Did the people start throwing bottles and stones at you as soon as they caught a whiff of your feculent stench? But surely that happens everywhere?

      You are a waste of the tribe’s resources.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 5:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   octavius

      Awa’ an bile yer heid, y’ blootert bawbag, an’ drap a scooby doon yer breeks.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 1:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   ama

    i haf cheewios for buckfast.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Sheepish bang

    ahh, the delivery error excuse.
    “of course I couriered those documents like I asked, must’ve been a delivery error”
    “what? you never got you Christmas gift? must have been a delivery error. that’s too bad ’cause it was a really nice gift.”

    Aug 12, 2008 at 4:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Sheepish bang

      damn, I can’t edit… feel so foolish… “…documents like YOU asked…”
      *Smacks forehead*

      Aug 12, 2008 at 4:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   amy d bang

      Sheepish, edit is working again.

      Aug 12, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Mishee bang

      *smacks Sheepish’s forehead*

      Has your name ever been so appropriate as it is at this very moment?

      Aug 12, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Sheepish bang

      do it again Mishee… :)

      Aug 12, 2008 at 10:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Miss Unloop

    “Charlie? Are ye away to crap? AGAIN?!?!?”

    Aug 12, 2008 at 5:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Wade bang

      HEED! FLUSH!! NOW!!!

      Aug 12, 2008 at 6:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   T

      Well, that’s a huge noggin. That’s a virtual planetoid.

      Woman… woe-man… whoooa-man!

      Aug 12, 2008 at 7:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   Grade Ape

      She stole my heart and my cat!

      Aug 12, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   Miss Unloop

      “What about Pam?”

      “She smelled like soup.

      She smelled EXACTLY like beef vegetable soup!”

      Aug 12, 2008 at 9:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.5   T

      You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it’s called Fuck You. It’s mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they’re on the ground.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Miss Unloop

    Read the first sign to yourself in your best Scottish accent…

    “I dinnae care who ye are or how old ye are…
    the answer is nae! Ye cannae use our toilet!”

    Aug 12, 2008 at 5:35 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Never Mishee

    To the person who smashed the toilet: Thank you! Thanks Terry. The buckfast was fucking delicious.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 5:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   reyna ulikba

      Where’s the unitard when you need one?

      Aug 13, 2008 at 11:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Mishee bang

      *hands unitard to NM – you are a disgrace!!*

      Aug 13, 2008 at 11:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Craniac

    I’m more concerned about this toliet that non-customers can’t use. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a toliet. Is that some kind of fancy French toilet?

    Aug 12, 2008 at 7:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   john in grand haven bang

    i thought the last note was going to be about somebody making an errant delivery of some kind in the bathroom….. kind of disappointed….

    Aug 12, 2008 at 8:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Andre

    “wreck-the-hoose juice”

    Oh my.

    Aug 12, 2008 at 9:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   fink

    Maybe if they had voted Labour in that by-election, they wouldn’t have this mysterious buckfast shortage…

    Aug 12, 2008 at 11:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Andre bang

    And just so we’re clear…is this International Urine Week or something?

    Why all the pee-themed PANs?

    Aug 13, 2008 at 2:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   aaa

      Well, after those past notes about misappropriated bathroom fixtures, I guess Kerry decided it was time to let the normal urine-filled toilet have some time in the limelight.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 6:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   snee

    non-customer: ur out.
    buy something: urine!

    Aug 13, 2008 at 3:16 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Wade bang

    One week before the first sign was placed in the window, the following conversation occurred:

    Fat Bastard: First things first: WHERE’S YOUR SHITTER? I’ve got a turtle-head poking out.

    Store Owner: Charming

    Fat Bastard: I’m not kiddin’. I’ve got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it’s SQUIDGY. Christ, I’m gettin’ all emotional from it, ya know?

    Aug 13, 2008 at 8:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Mishee bang

      He was gonna go have a brown baby boy?

      Aug 13, 2008 at 8:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   claw71 bang

      Wasn’t Squidgy one of the guys from Laverne and Shirley?

      Aug 13, 2008 at 9:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.3   Crinkle Crinkle

      …as opposed to a crap on the deck that the donkey could quite easily swallow?

      Aug 13, 2008 at 9:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   RALPHY

    Geeez-If they’re that paranoid about strangers peeing in their smashed toilets, I can only imagine their wrath when you sashay up to their water fountain.

    Aug 13, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Journal of Social awkwardness

    I gotta say these notes are too long to be effective…if I have to pee, I don’t read until I am already sitting down

    Aug 13, 2008 at 11:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Mishee bang

      Well… at least now we know your gender! :D

      Aug 13, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   Groundskeeper Stereotype

    I can’t get over how fucking bigoted all you Yanks are.

    (I wrote this before reading any of the comments, but I know they will prove my suspicions correct.)

    Aug 13, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Sirius bang

      I knew without even reading your comment that you were a bigot, and so is anyone who looks like you

      Aug 13, 2008 at 2:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   Mishee bang

      As an Irish girl, I find there is nothing quite so satisfying as making fun of a Scot.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Pinkeh

    Ahh. I miss Buckfast.

    Aug 14, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Pinkeh

    That’s weird, Mishee! As a Scot, we believe that the Irish (second only to the Yanks) are the best people to make fun of in the World…ever!

    Aug 14, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Mishee bang

      Pinkeh – you know what’s even weirder? There are these blue words that are under each comment, they say reply to this comment.

      Usually one would click on that to respond to someone, therefore nesting the comment, but seeing you are a Scot, I can understand how you didn’t get that.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 11:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   tokyito

    That buckfast one is priceless.

    Aug 14, 2008 at 12:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Brian

    I think I’ve seen that sign, but I can’t remember which cafe it is. Anyway reminded my of this law, which I do remember being told when I was wee;

    “If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter”
    http://domsweirdnews.blogspot.com/2007/11/strange-law-votes.html

    don’t know if anyone can find it on the statute books, but technically it could mean that the cafe is breaking the law….

    Aug 14, 2008 at 1:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Timo

    There was a runner from Glasgow.
    Who thought his bowel was going to blow
    There was no time for permission
    just toilet demolition
    and on the floor the pooh did flow.

    Aug 14, 2008 at 3:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Tuesday

    That’s pretty common in Europe – it’s either you go in and buy shit and you can pee or you pay to use a toilet. It’s not that way everywhere but anyone who possesses a bladder the size of a pea (such as myself) knows all the tricks to getting a free place to rest your bottom for a quick empty.

    Aug 16, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Woman on the Verge

    Where can I go to get a toilet that only paying customers can use? I’d make a fortune without leaving the house!

    Aug 17, 2008 at 12:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   jellyswami

    Och, the Scots are a poetic nation, aye? Dinna be bitch-slappin’ them for their bad bog poetry.

    Sep 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   keefo

    Buckfast, here in central Scotland, is quite a curse. Yobs and winos love it, it’s white trash fuel. It is relatively cheap and strong. It is a ‘tonic wine’ made by monks in a monastery in England. It tastes nothing like real wine, and sort of spicy, syrupy and sweet like some kind of medicine or ‘tonic’ funnily enough… If you forget it’s meant to be wine, it actually tastes quite good. It’s fans probably can’t stand taste of decent wine and it’s screwtop cap is also a bonus for the unsophisticated. We also have MD and 20/20 here… they’re popular with the same consumers. Glasgow thugs and hooligans are possibly the wittiest and nastiest you’ll find anywhere. They’re popularly known as ‘neds’… or ‘wee neds’

    Sep 13, 2008 at 7:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   DrBlondie

    I’m 38 weeks pregnant right now, and my dear child seems to be using my bladder as a trampoline. I asked to use the bathroom in a local Internet Cafe here in Newcastle last week, and they told me it was only for customers. I was so desperate that I offered the guy £5 cash (the minimum spend for using a computer? £2!!!) He still said no. I’m the size of a damn whale so even dogs can see I’m pregnant, but apparently that wasn’t good enough.
    So, not altogether intentionally, I just let rip where I stood. It was strangely liberating to pee my pants again for the first time since early childhood.
    The guy went ape, and actually called the police. I proudly stood my ground, soaking wet, and waited until the “Boys in Blue” showed up. The lovely officer called the shop owner an a-hole, and made him apologise. FANtastic. A WPC gave me a lift home, wrapped in one of those nice silver foil blankets :)

    Sep 19, 2008 at 5:42 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   amy d bang

      I’m 872 week pregnant.

      Sep 19, 2008 at 5:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.2   Mishee bang

      WTF is is WPC?

      I know of NPC, but WPC escapes me.

      And DrBlondie – if you are pregnant you should really lay off of the Buckfast.

      Sep 19, 2008 at 6:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.3   DrBlondie

      WPC in England is Woman Police Constable – it’s an old expression. Probably not politically correct now…
      No Buckfast for me: just the local tapwater – the quality of which leads me to suspect that my child will be born with three legs and a spare set of nostrils.

      Sep 19, 2008 at 7:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   calypso

    I just discovered this site, and so glad to see the top two posters on here. I lived up the street from that coffee shop for about 2 years. I walked past it almost every day and never went in…the windows were completely adorned in welcoming posters like that.

    I think it recently shut down, actually, with a similar poem to say goodbye.

    Nov 21, 2009 at 4:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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