Comments on: Signed with a Glasgow kiss

By: calypso

calypso — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:45:37 +0000

I just discovered this site, and so glad to see the top two posters on here. I lived up the street from that coffee shop for about 2 years. I walked past it almost every day and never went in…the windows were completely adorned in welcoming posters like that.

I think it recently shut down, actually, with a similar poem to say goodbye.

By: DrBlondie

DrBlondie — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 23:53:43 +0000

WPC in England is Woman Police Constable – it’s an old expression. Probably not politically correct now…
No Buckfast for me: just the local tapwater – the quality of which leads me to suspect that my child will be born with three legs and a spare set of nostrils.

By: Mishee

Mishee — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 22:47:42 +0000

WTF is is WPC?

I know of NPC, but WPC escapes me.

And DrBlondie – if you are pregnant you should really lay off of the Buckfast.

By: amy d

amy d — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:49:17 +0000

I’m 872 week pregnant.

By: DrBlondie

DrBlondie — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:42:42 +0000

I’m 38 weeks pregnant right now, and my dear child seems to be using my bladder as a trampoline. I asked to use the bathroom in a local Internet Cafe here in Newcastle last week, and they told me it was only for customers. I was so desperate that I offered the guy £5 cash (the minimum spend for using a computer? £2!!!) He still said no. I’m the size of a damn whale so even dogs can see I’m pregnant, but apparently that wasn’t good enough.
So, not altogether intentionally, I just let rip where I stood. It was strangely liberating to pee my pants again for the first time since early childhood.
The guy went ape, and actually called the police. I proudly stood my ground, soaking wet, and waited until the “Boys in Blue” showed up. The lovely officer called the shop owner an a-hole, and made him apologise. FANtastic. A WPC gave me a lift home, wrapped in one of those nice silver foil blankets

By: keefo

keefo — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 23:41:35 +0000

Buckfast, here in central Scotland, is quite a curse. Yobs and winos love it, it’s white trash fuel. It is relatively cheap and strong. It is a ‘tonic wine’ made by monks in a monastery in England. It tastes nothing like real wine, and sort of spicy, syrupy and sweet like some kind of medicine or ‘tonic’ funnily enough… If you forget it’s meant to be wine, it actually tastes quite good. It’s fans probably can’t stand taste of decent wine and it’s screwtop cap is also a bonus for the unsophisticated. We also have MD and 20/20 here… they’re popular with the same consumers. Glasgow thugs and hooligans are possibly the wittiest and nastiest you’ll find anywhere. They’re popularly known as ‘neds’… or ‘wee neds’

By: jellyswami

jellyswami — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:33:01 +0000

Och, the Scots are a poetic nation, aye? Dinna be bitch-slappin’ them for their bad bog poetry.

By: Woman on the Verge

Woman on the Verge — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 16:40:42 +0000

Where can I go to get a toilet that only paying customers can use? I’d make a fortune without leaving the house!

By: Tuesday

Tuesday — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 13:44:58 +0000

That’s pretty common in Europe – it’s either you go in and buy shit and you can pee or you pay to use a toilet. It’s not that way everywhere but anyone who possesses a bladder the size of a pea (such as myself) knows all the tricks to getting a free place to rest your bottom for a quick empty.

By: lienne

lienne — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 17:33:31 +0000

That’s right!

Lazy, slothful, porcelain layabout!

You get a job!

By: Timo

Timo — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:29:56 +0000

There was a runner from Glasgow.
Who thought his bowel was going to blow
There was no time for permission
just toilet demolition
and on the floor the pooh did flow.

By: Brian

Brian — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:37:17 +0000

I think I’ve seen that sign, but I can’t remember which cafe it is. Anyway reminded my of this law, which I do remember being told when I was wee;

“If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter”
http://domsweirdnews.blogspot.com/2007/11/strange-law-votes.html

don’t know if anyone can find it on the statute books, but technically it could mean that the cafe is breaking the law….

By: octavius

octavius — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:15:28 +0000

Awa’ an bile yer heid, y’ blootert bawbag, an’ drap a scooby doon yer breeks.

By: Punky Punkster

Punky Punkster — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:59:07 +0000

Wisecracking Bartender: “Would ya like a Buckfast?”
You: “Sure!”
Wisecracking Bartender: “Then gimme a one-minute blowjob.“