where’s anytime stan when you need him?

August 13th, 2008 · 209 comments

sarah in somerville, mass. wasn’t fazed when she left her apartment one saturday to find this otherwise “run-of-the-mill your-mother-doesn’t-live-here note”…until she rounded the corner and was greeted by photocopies of the same note taped to every available surface in the hallway.

No, YOU grow up!

then, the next day, another note appeared near the elevator…

No, YOU grow up!

…which had apparently been written on the back of yet another (more targeted) note:

No, YOU grow up!

“in fairness,” sarah says, “this whole thing really is gross, and now the lobby and the hallway — in addition to the elevator — smell of vomit. i’m just not sure why the first notewriter thought that spending $10 on copies was going to help.”

and lastly, sarah adds:  “my mommy didn’t clean up my dorm, either.”

related: going up?

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FILED UNDER: elevator · grow up · pleasantries as afterthought · somerville · vomit · your mother doesn't...


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209 responses so far ↓

  • #1   maircydoats

    Scary that someone actually followed a vomit trail, to say nothing of leaving one. Ew.

    Aug 13, 2008 at 3:22 pm   rating: +1  

    • #1.1   Angrimal

      Vomit Trail Mix… gotta call the patent office.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:27 pm   rating: +6  

       
    • #1.2   aaa

      Jelly Belly already beat you to the vomit-flavored punch with those nasty Harry Potter jelly beans.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:53 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.3   Mishee

      Ahh, good old Bertie Botts.

      I always loved the grass one.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:55 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.4   aaa

      I watched some thing on Food Network about those beans. Supposedly the vomit flavor was born from an aborted pizza flavor.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:02 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.5   aaa

      I just got a vision of little embryo-shaped pizzas. Ew.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:02 pm   rating: +11  

       
    • #1.6   unholyghost2003

      WOW aaa that is really cool! I always wondered how they came up with such an accurate vomit flavor.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:12 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.7   Timo

      Vorp (sounds like gorp) is when you belch and vomit at the same time.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:15 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #1.8   Canthz_B

      Before the invention of the stomach pump they used Vorpal Swords.
      That’s where sword swallowing originated!

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:25 pm   rating: +6  

       
    • #1.9   Mishee

      Maybe vomiting used to be called galumphing then…

      it makes more sense now.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:28 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #1.10   shane

      “The Vomit Trail is now considered protected lands. Please do not build fires or harass the wildlife.”

      THX Sandra.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 5:31 pm   rating: +15  

       
    • #1.11   Canthz_B

      A fine joke, ruined by the addition of a THX Sandra…sad.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 10:14 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.12   Crash

      THX Sandra… *she ruins all the good jokes, ask Casey in H.R.* :roll:

      Aug 13, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: +7  

       
    • #1.13   B Rad

      Last time I was on the vomit trail, we lost 2 wagons trying to ford the river, nearly ran out of provisions, and 2 members of the party died of cholera.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 8:37 am   rating: +22  

       
    • #1.14   Mark

      How many deer did you shoot with your extremely slow-moving buckshot?

      Aug 14, 2008 at 2:06 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #1.15   B Rad

      just a bunch of Buffalo, which maybe is what caused in the mess in the hallway to begin with

      Aug 14, 2008 at 3:10 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.16   Timo

      There are tales …dark tales of lost travelers and cannibalism on the Vomit trail!

      Aug 14, 2008 at 3:45 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #2   Wade

    Nothing illustrates how to reach an adult, reasoned resolution of conflict quite like:

    “You grow up!”

    “No, you grow up!”

    Aug 13, 2008 at 3:33 pm   rating: +33  

    • #2.1   AuntyBron

      I won’t! And you can’t make me! So there! Neener-neener!!!

      Aug 14, 2008 at 12:49 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #2.2   PandoraWombat

      You are not the boss of me.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #2.3   anglophile

      I’m telling! MOM!!!

      Aug 14, 2008 at 4:48 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #2.4   optimismopski

      He’s touching me!

      Aug 17, 2008 at 10:09 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #3   Mishee

    Sounds like a great NIN song in the making…

    oh wait…

    hey pig…
    yeah you…
    hey pig piggy pig pig pig

    I wonder what made the mystery vomiter regurgitate to no extent.

    Aug 13, 2008 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #4   < Mishee

    This would have been so much more effective with a clip art bean pig.

    Aug 13, 2008 at 3:40 pm   rating: +10  

    • #4.1   Mishee

      More than Mishee? Is that all you could come up with?

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:43 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #4.2   Sirius

      I believe that’s actually a less-than sign, dear Mish

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:50 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #4.3   Mishee

      Maybe that is why I have been let go of my accounting job.

      Or it could possibly be my addiction to PAN.

      Or a little from Column A and a little from Column B??

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:54 pm   rating: +6  

       
    • #4.4   Canthz_B

      …and a little from the guy on the corner! :-P

      Aug 13, 2008 at 10:16 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #4.5   Mishee

      Hey now, he has a house, and it happens to be in the middle of the block, thank you very much!! And he prefers I call him “Weed Man” instead of “The Guy”

      Don’t ask me, I just like the chronic!

      Aug 13, 2008 at 11:33 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #4.6   Mishee

      So in hindsight that would be Column C

      Aug 13, 2008 at 11:44 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #4.7   katrina

      and with six you get eggroll, mishee :)

      Aug 14, 2008 at 1:20 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #4.8   optimismopski

      Go Team Column Chronic!!

      Aug 17, 2008 at 10:11 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #5   anglophile

    “PIG!”

    “Oh, Pretty, Intelligent Girl? Thank you!”

    Aug 13, 2008 at 3:41 pm   rating: +2  

    • #5.1   Mishee

      My daddy always said “Pride, Integrity, Guts” (when applied to a cop apparently)

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:43 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #6   RunBarbara

    the last time i left a vomit trail was after a Motely Crue concert in the early 90s. luckily, i passed out in front of the band’s tour bus and woke up inside of it on the fold-out-couch with a sore mouth and a sweaty pair of leather pants tying my legs together. i was alone, so i raided the fridge for beer and stole their drugs.

    Aug 13, 2008 at 3:43 pm   rating: +18  

    • #6.1   Mishee

      stolen drugs are fuc……

      well, don’t think you could trick me into that one, did you??

      You just wanted to see my camel toe. I know what you are up to!!

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:45 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.2   RunBarbara

      funny you should say that, i believe i wore a unitard to the concert….with a denim vest and a bandana over it, of course.
      all i remember is the sound of a polaroid camera clicking and the taste of watermelon astro glide….

      Aug 13, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #6.3   Jeffrey

      Gosh, RunBarbara, I’d sure love to save you the trouble of being misunderstood. Apparently at least one community member feels you need to have impeccable grammar and spelling. Any potential mistakes should be italicized or, in the case of sarcasm, not used whatsoever since it’s so difficult to understand. I see you have trouble spelling articles properly and at least one band name. If you respond back to me are kidding in any way whatsoever, could you explain the joke at the end of your message? That way we’ll all be able to recognize it. If you need a Manual of Style and Usage see Casey in HR.

      Jeffrey (not Jeff)

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:25 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #6.4   Wade

      Well, at least he figured out how to nest his comment.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:30 pm   rating: +13  

       
    • #6.5   RunBarbara

      actually, here is where you went wrong:
      when corrected on spelling, etc, the best way to respond is:
      i dont really fucking care!! hahah! its teh internets! whoooo!

      ps- i am no longer in HR. its now casey in account operations. please, make a note of it.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:30 pm   rating: +8  

       
    • #6.6   Mishee

      oh no you di’n't

      Jeff you are not doing a good job of endearing us to you….

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:31 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #6.7   Sirius

      Passive aggressive comments — I love it. Thank you Jeffrey, for entertaining us all, and for being a thin-skinned little fuckstick.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:33 pm   rating: +15  

       
    • #6.8   Canthz_B

      Dear Dr. Cosby,

      How long was that flight again?

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #6.9   Mishee

      2500 MILES!

      “Jeffrey, will you get down! Jeffrey don’t do that! Jeffrey, you’ve kicked the… Jeffrey, sit down! Jeffrey, would you please… Jeffrey, put your jacket… Don’t do that! Jeffrey! Jeffrey!”

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:38 pm   rating: +10  

       
    • #6.10   Canthz_B

      Jeffrey

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #6.11   PandoraWombat

      Am I taking crazy pills here? Does no one but me recognize when a seemingly-uptight commenter is actually just trying to do a parody? (Even if Jeffrey didn’t do a very good job of it? — come on, if he was serious he wouldn’t have told you to see Casey in HR. He would have just said Thank You Terry.)
      Thx
      Sandra

      P.S. I think he is just jealous that he hasn’t been asked to wear the unitard.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:45 pm   rating: +9  

       
    • #6.12   PandoraWombat

      Oh shit! Delayed reaction — I just now got the “Jeffrey” reference CB made — a classic Cosby routine!!

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.13   amy d

      Well Pandora, other than the obvious THX Sandra reference, what is the parody in jeffrey’s comments?

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.14   Mishee

      Jeff is free to don the Unitard any time he wants. I will even order one with his name embroidered on the front… it will say Jeff.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:53 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #6.15   Wade

      Pandora, you might want to peruse like nails on a keyboard

      ;)

      Aug 13, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.16   PandoraWombat

      Hey — I didn’t say he did a good job of it. I just thought it looked like that might have been what he was going for. But I could be completely wrong…

      Aug 13, 2008 at 5:05 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.17   amy d

      You sounded so sure, like you knew what he was trying to parody. So, I was just asking. I’m curious like that.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 5:08 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.18   Sirius

      Maybe he was trying to parody a young man with unresolved mommy issues.

      Wouldn’t that be really ten-thousand-spoons-when-all-you-need-is-a-knife ironic?

      Aug 13, 2008 at 5:16 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #6.19   Mishee

      I was thinking more along the lines of “a no smoking sign, on your cigarette break”

      But yours works too Sirius!

      Aug 13, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #6.20   PandoraWombat

      Oy vey! I just took Wade’s advice and backtracked to the nails post. Jeez, Louise — I didn’t realize there was such a backstory to Jeffrey! (Next time I’ll try to do my research before making assumptions!) (Please don’t make me spend another night in the Unitent!)

      Aug 13, 2008 at 5:47 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #6.21   Timo

      Oh look! Great, there is a fly in my fucking chardonnay.

      Aug 14, 2008 at 9:08 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #6.22   Jeffrey

      Shh! Be quiet about that parody stuff, PandoraWombat, you wouldn’t want to raise the ire of the Prolific Masses here. They have dozens of daily posts full of their ascerbic wit to deploy like so many stink-bombs in The Bathroom of Life. They can’t be bothered to distinguish who is or isn’t kidding (they’re probably seniors in Depends, drooling from EST, or both). If a post doesn’t appear to be altogether consistent, or if it seems that only certain people are castigated for their perceived transgressions, well, that must be an error in your perception. Don’t even think about expecting proper spelling out of the regulars here. All requests for corrections will fall on deaf ears.

      Contrary to what you may think, the acme in sophisticated wit is to actually to repeat a shortened version of someone’s name (especially if unwanted) over and over. Remember when you were in kindergarten? That strategy works well here. If someone is being attacked, whether the attacks have any entertainment value whatsoever, just keep your head down, churn out a half-assed retort, and stumble onward! I know you’ll do fine!

      So, let’s see here, Pandora, where *is* your womb at? I’m just saying, I think I saw signs for it posted all over the wall, would you get someone to clean that fucking mess up? Your mother was once responsible for your womb, but SHE DOESN’T WORK HERE!!!

      Aug 15, 2008 at 11:59 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #6.23   Wade

      Let’s see.

      No obvious spelling/grammatical errors.

      Ad hominem attacks cloaked in cogent argumentation.

      Self-righteous defense of behavior.

      Dripping with passive-aggressive sarcasm.

      Well done, Jeffrey! kudos™ ;)

      Aug 15, 2008 at 12:18 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #6.24   RunBarbara

      jeffy, youre missing the point…
      it wasnt that we didnt GET what you were doing, its that you arent funny.

      Aug 15, 2008 at 12:26 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.25   unshiftmethod

      Nadia? Is that you? Aw, don’t be bitter.
      Put the dictionary away. We all know the big words here.

      Aug 15, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.26   Jeffrey

      Well, RunBarbara, not so fast! You typed that you all ‘got it’ (how you surveyed the general PANfolk and determined that, I’m not sure) yet the posts belaboring correction of (what was assumed to be) a grammatical mistake nonetheless belie your claim. Your failure to spell properly or even acknowledge mistakes is also notable. As long as you’re speaking for the continuum, gaffes are either fair game or not. Make up your distorted mind and get back to us! Casey in HR has the latest draft resolution!

      Poor spelling is not funny either. One of the first things Hitler did under the Nazi regime is to start misspelling words. He hoarded those umlauts like there was no tomorrow!

      You’re really getting on my nerves here, Wade. Nearly everyone else that takes the time to post has the respect and dignity to be nearly devoid of quality content. Why won’t you get with the program?

      Aug 15, 2008 at 3:34 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #6.27   anglophile