where’s anytime stan when you need him?

August 13th, 2008 · 209 comments

sarah in somerville, mass. wasn’t fazed when she left her apartment one saturday to find this otherwise “run-of-the-mill your-mother-doesn’t-live-here note”…until she rounded the corner and was greeted by photocopies of the same note taped to every available surface in the hallway.

then, the next day, another note appeared near the elevator…

…which had apparently been written on the back of yet another (more targeted) note:

“in fairness,” sarah says, “this whole thing really is gross, and now the lobby and the hallway — in addition to the elevator — smell of vomit. i’m just not sure why the first notewriter thought that spending $10 on copies was going to help.”

and lastly, sarah adds: “my mommy didn’t clean up my dorm, either.”

related: going up?

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FILED UNDER: elevator · grow up · pleasantries as afterthought · somerville · vomit · your mother doesn't...

209 responses so far ↓

#1 maircydoats

Scary that someone actually followed a vomit trail, to say nothing of leaving one. Ew.

Aug 13, 2008 at 3:22 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #1.1 Angrimal
  
  Vomit Trail Mix… gotta call the patent office.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:27 pm rating: +6
- #1.2 aaa
  
  Jelly Belly already beat you to the vomit-flavored punch with those nasty Harry Potter jelly beans.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:53 pm rating: 0
- #1.3 Mishee
  
  Ahh, good old Bertie Botts.
  
  I always loved the grass one.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:55 pm rating: +1
- #1.4 aaa
  
  I watched some thing on Food Network about those beans. Supposedly the vomit flavor was born from an aborted pizza flavor.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:02 pm rating: 0
- #1.5 aaa
  
  I just got a vision of little embryo-shaped pizzas. Ew.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:02 pm rating: +11
- #1.6 unholyghost2003
  
  WOW aaa that is really cool! I always wondered how they came up with such an accurate vomit flavor.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:12 pm rating: 0
- #1.7 Timo
  
  Vorp (sounds like gorp) is when you belch and vomit at the same time.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:15 pm rating: +3
- #1.8 Canthz_B
  
  Before the invention of the stomach pump they used Vorpal Swords.
  That’s where sword swallowing originated!
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:25 pm rating: +6
- #1.9 Mishee
  
  Maybe vomiting used to be called galumphing then…
  
  it makes more sense now.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:28 pm rating: +2
- #1.10 shane
  
  “The Vomit Trail is now considered protected lands. Please do not build fires or harass the wildlife.”
  
  THX Sandra.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 5:31 pm rating: +15
- #1.11 Canthz_B
  
  A fine joke, ruined by the addition of a THX Sandra…sad.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 10:14 pm rating: +1
- #1.12 Crash
  
  THX Sandra… *she ruins all the good jokes, ask Casey in H.R.* …
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 11:42 pm rating: +7
- #1.13 B Rad
  
  Last time I was on the vomit trail, we lost 2 wagons trying to ford the river, nearly ran out of provisions, and 2 members of the party died of cholera.
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 8:37 am rating: +22
- #1.14 Mark
  
  How many deer did you shoot with your extremely slow-moving buckshot?
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 2:06 pm rating: +2
- #1.15 B Rad
  
  just a bunch of Buffalo, which maybe is what caused in the mess in the hallway to begin with
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 3:10 pm rating: +1
- #1.16 Timo
  
  There are tales …dark tales of lost travelers and cannibalism on the Vomit trail!
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 3:45 pm rating: +1
add to this thread
#2 Wade

Nothing illustrates how to reach an adult, reasoned resolution of conflict quite like:

“You grow up!”

“No, you grow up!”

Aug 13, 2008 at 3:33 pm rating: +33

reply to this comment
- #2.1 AuntyBron
  
  I won’t! And you can’t make me! So there! Neener-neener!!!
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 12:49 am rating: +4
- #2.2 PandoraWombat
  
  You are not the boss of me.
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 4:46 pm rating: 0
- #2.3 anglophile
  
  I’m telling! MOM!!!
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 4:48 pm rating: 0
- #2.4 optimismopski
  
  He’s touching me!
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:09 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#3 Mishee

Sounds like a great NIN song in the making…

oh wait…

hey pig…
yeah you…
hey pig piggy pig pig pig

I wonder what made the mystery vomiter regurgitate to no extent.

Aug 13, 2008 at 3:38 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#4 < Mishee

This would have been so much more effective with a clip art bean pig.

Aug 13, 2008 at 3:40 pm rating: +10

reply to this comment
- #4.1 Mishee
  
  More than Mishee? Is that all you could come up with?
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:43 pm rating: 0
- #4.2 Sirius
  
  I believe that’s actually a less-than sign, dear Mish
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:50 pm rating: +1
- #4.3 Mishee
  
  Maybe that is why I have been let go of my accounting job.
  
  Or it could possibly be my addiction to PAN.
  
  Or a little from Column A and a little from Column B??
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:54 pm rating: +6
- #4.4 Canthz_B
  
  …and a little from the guy on the corner!
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 10:16 pm rating: +1
- #4.5 Mishee
  
  Hey now, he has a house, and it happens to be in the middle of the block, thank you very much!! And he prefers I call him “Weed Man” instead of “The Guy”
  
  Don’t ask me, I just like the chronic!
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 11:33 pm rating: +1
- #4.6 Mishee
  
  So in hindsight that would be Column C
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 11:44 pm rating: 0
- #4.7 katrina
  
  and with six you get eggroll, mishee
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: 0
- #4.8 optimismopski
  
  Go Team Column Chronic!!
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:11 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#5 anglophile

“PIG!”

“Oh, Pretty, Intelligent Girl? Thank you!”

Aug 13, 2008 at 3:41 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Mishee
  
  My daddy always said “Pride, Integrity, Guts” (when applied to a cop apparently)
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:43 pm rating: +1
add to this thread
#6 RunBarbara

the last time i left a vomit trail was after a Motely Crue concert in the early 90s. luckily, i passed out in front of the band’s tour bus and woke up inside of it on the fold-out-couch with a sore mouth and a sweaty pair of leather pants tying my legs together. i was alone, so i raided the fridge for beer and stole their drugs.

Aug 13, 2008 at 3:43 pm rating: +18

reply to this comment
- #6.1 Mishee
  
  stolen drugs are fuc……
  
  well, don’t think you could trick me into that one, did you??
  
  You just wanted to see my camel toe. I know what you are up to!!
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:45 pm rating: 0
- #6.2 RunBarbara
  
  funny you should say that, i believe i wore a unitard to the concert….with a denim vest and a bandana over it, of course.
  all i remember is the sound of a polaroid camera clicking and the taste of watermelon astro glide….
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: +5
- #6.3 Jeffrey
  
  Gosh, RunBarbara, I’d sure love to save you the trouble of being misunderstood. Apparently at least one community member feels you need to have impeccable grammar and spelling. Any potential mistakes should be italicized or, in the case of sarcasm, not used whatsoever since it’s so difficult to understand. I see you have trouble spelling articles properly and at least one band name. If you respond back to me are kidding in any way whatsoever, could you explain the joke at the end of your message? That way we’ll all be able to recognize it. If you need a Manual of Style and Usage see Casey in HR.
  
  Jeffrey (not Jeff)
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:25 pm rating: +4
- #6.4 Wade
  
  Well, at least he figured out how to nest his comment.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:30 pm rating: +13
- #6.5 RunBarbara
  
  actually, here is where you went wrong:
  when corrected on spelling, etc, the best way to respond is:
  i dont really fucking care!! hahah! its teh internets! whoooo!
  
  ps- i am no longer in HR. its now casey in account operations. please, make a note of it.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:30 pm rating: +8
- #6.6 Mishee
  
  oh no you di’n't
  
  Jeff you are not doing a good job of endearing us to you….
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: +2
- #6.7 Sirius
  
  Passive aggressive comments — I love it. Thank you Jeffrey, for entertaining us all, and for being a thin-skinned little fuckstick.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:33 pm rating: +15
- #6.8 Canthz_B
  
  Dear Dr. Cosby,
  
  How long was that flight again?
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:35 pm rating: +5
- #6.9 Mishee
  
  2500 MILES!
  
  “Jeffrey, will you get down! Jeffrey don’t do that! Jeffrey, you’ve kicked the… Jeffrey, sit down! Jeffrey, would you please… Jeffrey, put your jacket… Don’t do that! Jeffrey! Jeffrey!”
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:38 pm rating: +10
- #6.10 Canthz_B
  
  Jeffrey
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:42 pm rating: +5
- #6.11 PandoraWombat
  
  Am I taking crazy pills here? Does no one but me recognize when a seemingly-uptight commenter is actually just trying to do a parody? (Even if Jeffrey didn’t do a very good job of it? — come on, if he was serious he wouldn’t have told you to see Casey in HR. He would have just said Thank You Terry.)
  Thx
  Sandra
  
  P.S. I think he is just jealous that he hasn’t been asked to wear the unitard.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:45 pm rating: +9
- #6.12 PandoraWombat
  
  Oh shit! Delayed reaction — I just now got the “Jeffrey” reference CB made — a classic Cosby routine!!
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:46 pm rating: 0
- #6.13 amy d
  
  Well Pandora, other than the obvious THX Sandra reference, what is the parody in jeffrey’s comments?
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:52 pm rating: 0
- #6.14 Mishee
  
  Jeff is free to don the Unitard any time he wants. I will even order one with his name embroidered on the front… it will say Jeff.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:53 pm rating: +4
- #6.15 Wade
  
  Pandora, you might want to peruse like nails on a keyboard
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 4:55 pm rating: 0
- #6.16 PandoraWombat
  
  Hey — I didn’t say he did a good job of it. I just thought it looked like that might have been what he was going for. But I could be completely wrong…
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 5:05 pm rating: 0
- #6.17 amy d
  
  You sounded so sure, like you knew what he was trying to parody. So, I was just asking. I’m curious like that.
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 5:08 pm rating: 0
- #6.18 Sirius
  
  Maybe he was trying to parody a young man with unresolved mommy issues.
  
  Wouldn’t that be really ten-thousand-spoons-when-all-you-need-is-a-knife ironic?
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 5:16 pm rating: +3
- #6.19 Mishee
  
  I was thinking more along the lines of “a no smoking sign, on your cigarette break”
  
  But yours works too Sirius!
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 5:23 pm rating: +1
- #6.20 PandoraWombat
  
  Oy vey! I just took Wade’s advice and backtracked to the nails post. Jeez, Louise — I didn’t realize there was such a backstory to Jeffrey! (Next time I’ll try to do my research before making assumptions!) (Please don’t make me spend another night in the Unitent!)
  
  Aug 13, 2008 at 5:47 pm rating: +4
- #6.21 Timo
  
  Oh look! Great, there is a fly in my fucking chardonnay.
  
  Aug 14, 2008 at 9:08 pm rating: +1
- #6.22 Jeffrey
  
  Shh! Be quiet about that parody stuff, PandoraWombat, you wouldn’t want to raise the ire of the Prolific Masses here. They have dozens of daily posts full of their ascerbic wit to deploy like so many stink-bombs in The Bathroom of Life. They can’t be bothered to distinguish who is or isn’t kidding (they’re probably seniors in Depends, drooling from EST, or both). If a post doesn’t appear to be altogether consistent, or if it seems that only certain people are castigated for their perceived transgressions, well, that must be an error in your perception. Don’t even think about expecting proper spelling out of the regulars here. All requests for corrections will fall on deaf ears.
  
  Contrary to what you may think, the acme in sophisticated wit is to actually to repeat a shortened version of someone’s name (especially if unwanted) over and over. Remember when you were in kindergarten? That strategy works well here. If someone is being attacked, whether the attacks have any entertainment value whatsoever, just keep your head down, churn out a half-assed retort, and stumble onward! I know you’ll do fine!
  
  So, let’s see here, Pandora, where *is* your womb at? I’m just saying, I think I saw signs for it posted all over the wall, would you get someone to clean that fucking mess up? Your mother was once responsible for your womb, but SHE DOESN’T WORK HERE!!!
  
  Aug 15, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: +1
- #6.23 Wade
  
  Let’s see.
  
  No obvious spelling/grammatical errors.
  
  Ad hominem attacks cloaked in cogent argumentation.
  
  Self-righteous defense of behavior.
  
  Dripping with passive-aggressive sarcasm.
  
  Well done, Jeffrey! kudos™
  
  Aug 15, 2008 at 12:18 pm rating: +2
- #6.24 RunBarbara
  
  jeffy, youre missing the point…
  it wasnt that we didnt GET what you were doing, its that you arent funny.
  
  Aug 15, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: 0
- #6.25 unshiftmethod
  
  Nadia? Is that you? Aw, don’t be bitter.
  Put the dictionary away. We all know the big words here.
  
  Aug 15, 2008 at 2:54 pm rating: 0
- #6.26 Jeffrey
  
  Well, RunBarbara, not so fast! You typed that you all ‘got it’ (how you surveyed the general PANfolk and determined that, I’m not sure) yet the posts belaboring correction of (what was assumed to be) a grammatical mistake nonetheless belie your claim. Your failure to spell properly or even acknowledge mistakes is also notable. As long as you’re speaking for the continuum, gaffes are either fair game or not. Make up your distorted mind and get back to us! Casey in HR has the latest draft resolution!
  
  Poor spelling is not funny either. One of the first things Hitler did under the Nazi regime is to start misspelling words. He hoarded those umlauts like there was no tomorrow!
  
  You’re really getting on my nerves here, Wade. Nearly everyone else that takes the time to post has the respect and dignity to be nearly devoid of quality content. Why won’t you get with the program?
  
  Aug 15, 2008 at 3:34 pm rating: +1
- #6.27 anglophile

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over