especially deborah

August 17th, 2008 · 206 comments

as this sign from a montgomery, alabama breakroom shows, “PopCorn Users” remain one of the most persecuted groups in the workplace today.

related: bizarre pardoning accident

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FILED UNDER: alabama · bold-underlined-caps · excessive underlining · gloriously redundant · highlighter · irregular capitalization · microwave · montgomery · popcorn

206 responses so far ↓

#1 agirlie

PopCorn that’s pSychO tyPing riGht TheRe!

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:14 pm rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #1.1 Claire
  
  Poor Deborah…she probably has a witty retort to this PAN, but considering that the PAN writer does not know how to properly spell “popcorn” Deborah would clearly be debating a half-wit.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:46 pm rating: +1
- #1.2 agirlie
  
  And is it fair to have a battle of wits with the unarmed?
  
  Aug 19, 2008 at 9:03 am rating: +2
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#2 punkypower

Especially Deborah better watch her back in the parking lot.

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:19 pm rating: +16

reply to this comment
- #2.1 Canthz_B
  
  No nested comment. My mistake.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 7:21 pm rating: 0
- #2.2 Canthz_B
  
  Punkypower, congratulations on “WORD !” Of The Day.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 11:46 pm rating: +1
- #2.3 punkypower
  
  Thanks. I think the Unibomber would be proud.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 12:03 am rating: +1
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#3 Canthz_B

Especially Deborah and Anytime Stan make a loverly couple.

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: +21

reply to this comment
- #3.1 Miss Unloop
  
  Deborah, a liberated woman, chooses to hyphenate her new name: Anytime-Especially Deborah.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 2:51 am rating: +16
- #3.2 VocaPopula
  
  Until she decides to leave him for Thank You Terry.
  
  Next time, on “As the Adjective Turns…”
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 8:51 am rating: +10
- #3.3 S&M
  
  I hear there is a really hot episode of dirty lezzie action with Anytime-Especially Deborah and Losing Lisa next season.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:49 am rating: +4
- #3.4 Lurker
  
  Nooooo!! Thank You Terry and THX SANDRA are OTP!!!
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 3:36 pm rating: +1
- #3.5 Claire
  
  Just one more service this site provides….bringing together peoples of assorted talents and interests…! Eat your hearts out, e-harmony and match.com!
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:50 pm rating: +1
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#4 Canthz_B

Watch your popcorn, lest the sign of the beast appear upon it.

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:24 pm rating: +8

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#5 Canthz_B

Doesn’t this person know that the very best tasting microwave popcorn is burned?

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:30 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Miss Unloop
  
  Deborah pop corn and I don’t care.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 2:57 am rating: +34
- #5.2 MAMARILLA2
  
  hmm//My family Hates me for that too.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:53 am rating: 0
- #5.3 agatha christie
  
  I enjoy popcorn that’s on the very verge of becoming a smoldering mass.
  
  Aug 19, 2008 at 6:59 pm rating: 0
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#6 mmmmm

i think the very best tasting microwave popcorn is unattended during it’s creation.

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:35 pm rating: +14

reply to this comment
- #6.1 Claire
  
  A watched bag never pops….
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:52 pm rating: +1
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#7 Canthz_B

Deborah will now make a fortune on a book about what it’s like to be haunted by the ghost of Orville Redenbacher.

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:43 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #7.1 Miss Unloop
  
  Double trouble once M. Night Shyamalan gets the rights to the film version…
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 9:13 pm rating: +9
- #7.2 S&M
  
  ” I see dead food geeks in the microwave!”
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:50 am rating: +5
- #7.3 secondsout
  
  Only if by “double trouble,” you mean a shitty film. Shyamalan is a major hack.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 3:37 pm rating: +1
- #7.4 Red Letterboxer
  
  “I see dead food geeks in the microwave!”
  
  Oh, is that what that stuff is? I thought it was just beefaroni spatter that someone neglected to clean up.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: +1
- #7.5 Timo
  
  I have not cleaned it because it is Our Lady Of Guadalupe, a vision in Dinty Moore.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 7:50 pm rating: +4
- #7.6 Claire
  
  CB, you deserve extra kudos just for spelling his name correctly!
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:53 pm rating: 0
- #7.7 Claire
  
  “I see dead kernels….”
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:54 pm rating: 0
- #7.8 Secretly Passive Aggresive
  
  The “kernel” from KFC? Eek!
  
  Aug 20, 2008 at 5:22 pm rating: 0
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#8 figsy

at my last office there was a no-popcorn-at-all-any-time rule handed down from the owner of the company. i’ll take reheated curries any day over the stench of burned popcorn.

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:45 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #8.1 Canthz_B
  
  Kind of like the choice between a bullet to the temple vs. a bullet to the base of the skull if you ask me (which you didn’t)!
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 7:49 pm rating: +5
- #8.2 zombieBlanco
  
  I prefer stench o’ burned popcorn to southside perfume.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:18 pm rating: +18
- #8.3 snee
  
  or northside vomit.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:22 pm rating: +18
- #8.4 S&M
  
  Cream of Hobo Sock soup.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 10:22 am rating: +3
- #8.5 Numinous
  
  Absolutely awful at work: reheated fishy things.
  
  That’s enough to make me retch.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 2:03 pm rating: +1
- #8.6 Timo
  
  Or melted plastic fondue.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 7:53 pm rating: 0
- #8.7 MAMARILLA2
  
  lutefisk? or perhaps hardcore bluevein cheeses.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:32 pm rating: 0
- #8.8 Claire
  
  A memo went out at a fomrer work place of mine in which all employees would be penalized for using the office microwave to pop popcorn….So I asked, “May we use the coffee pot then to pop popcorn?” It was intended as a joke to lighten the situation, but that afternoon, a second memo went out to all employees that under no circumstances could any office appliance be used to pop popcorn “of any kind”. The absurdity of the entire thing was that higher-ups never said we could not have popcorn…just we could not use office appliances to pop it….
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 9:58 pm rating: +3
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#9 amy d

Memorize the optimal number of pops and count each pop to ensure no kernels are burnt.

Aug 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm rating: +1

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#10 Canthz_B

Team Jiffy-Pop Turban!

Jiffy-Pop Popcorn, as much fun to make as it is to eat!

Aug 17, 2008 at 8:00 pm rating: +1

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#11 Miss Unloop

How is the note writer able to discern the stench of burning popcorn from the stench emanating from the state capital building?

Aug 17, 2008 at 8:24 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #11.1 Claire
  
  Perhaps the note writer should rely upon strong smelling cologne or perfume to mask the scent of burnt popcorn….
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 10:01 pm rating: 0
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#12 Fresca

I remain mystified by people who can spell/punctuate/capitalize the same word in several different ways throughout the same note. PopCorn, PopCorn, PopCorn, popcorn? What happened? Was the note-writer suddenly confronted by the grammar fairy who announced “I’ve had enough of this shit!”?

Aug 17, 2008 at 8:28 pm rating: +46

reply to this comment
- #12.1 Miss Unloop
  
  Speaking as an Alabamian, I can tell you that the entire state is outside of the Grammar Fairy’s jurisdiction.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 8:31 pm rating: +57
- #12.2 punkypower
  
  I have my own suspicions about people who Capitalize Every Word Of Their Sentences Like This.
  
  I noticed that they targeted this note to only microwave popcorn users. If I were Especially Deborah, I’d start burning my PopCorn on the stove, if there is one. If not, she should make Jiffy Pop with a blow torch.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 9:20 pm rating: +16
- #12.3 snee
  
  do NOT fuck with the grammar fairy!
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:21 pm rating: +8
- #12.4 PandoraWombat
  
  Somebody told me that Alabama’s state motto is “At least we’re not Mississippi.”
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:23 pm rating: +9
- #12.5 Miss Unloop
  
  Yes, we’re all grateful for THAT.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: +6
- #12.6 chick
  
  the way i heard it when i lived there was “thank God for Mississippi.”
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 11:07 am rating: +2
- #12.7 Claire
  
  In Texas, it is interchangeable: “Thank God for Mississippi/Alabama/Louisiana.” And in California, they say, “Thank God for Texas!”
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 10:04 pm rating: +1
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#13 Goldie

WTF is a “popcorn user”, how do you use popcorn? I thought you just ate the stuff, but clearly I’m behind the times. Do you smoke it, snort it, or what? Then again, there may be other uses for the warm, soft, buttery product, as shown in that timeless classic, “Debbie Does Popcorn”. Yep, especially Debbie.

Aug 17, 2008 at 8:28 pm rating: +35

reply to this comment
- #13.1 se
  
  “PopCorn” is “used” as an anti-personell weapon in an office.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 8:47 pm rating: +3
- #13.2 anglophile
  
  The shipping department uses it in the boxes being mailed out. Burnt popcorn does not provide the same cushion as unburnt popcorn, and customers are calling upset about receiving damaged goods.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:12 pm rating: +4
- #13.3 PandoraWombat
  
  Speaking as a Certified PopCorn User(tm), I object to the laxity with which people are assigning the term “PopCorn User” to people who CLEARLY are not genuine Certified PopCorn Users(tm).
  
  In response to WTF is a “popcorn user”, how do you use popcorn?
  
  All you need to do is enroll in my ten week online Certified PopCorn User(tm) training course, for the limited time offering price of $269.95. During this course, the protected trade secrets of PopCorn Use will be revealed to you.
  
  Do not be taken in by people offering knock-off PopCorn User (NOT tm) courses — proper training makes all the difference.
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:34 pm rating: +24
- #13.4 Miss Unloop
  
  Would those protected trade secrets be “Pop Secrets”?
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 10:50 pm rating: +22
- #13.5 Bikerbabeee
  
  No wait.. buy my DVD course “Popcorn Use for Dummies” and we will ship a free 10 pack of snack size kettle corn flavor. BUT WAIT.. THERE’S MORE.. We will ship you not one but TWO kits for the amazingly low price of just 19.99 plus shipping and handling.
  Call 1-900-767-2676
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: +5
- #13.6 Canthz_B
  
  Would a Campbell’s Soup can done in popcorn be Pop Art? Or just corny?
  
  Aug 17, 2008 at 11:10 pm rating: +5
- #13.7 Miss Unloop
  
  Goldie, as far as the “warm, soft, buttery product” goes, I think you may have confused “popcorn” with “cop porn”.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 2:55 am rating: +18
- #13.8 park rose
  
  P~~opC~~orn?
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 3:48 am rating: +10
- #13.9 Red Letterboxer
  
  And I though that blacked-out rectangle was to protect Deborah’s identity, not her modesty. Who knew?
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 10:15 am rating: +4
- #13.10 Martin Heidegger
  
  You huff it.
  
  Remember the news story about the guy who got some rare lung ailment because his greatest joy in life was sniffing freshly popped microwave popcorn?
  
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronchiolitis_obliterans
  
  I wonder what the insurance code is for that one.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 4:42 pm rating: +1
- #13.11 Claire
  
  Popcorn Users Anonymous….”Hey, y’all! Muh name’s Deborah! I used to burn 12 bags of popcorn a day….then I’d take each bag, one at a time to a secluded part of the office…and I’d open it and just inhale…and inhale…and inhale… I lost everthun I ever loved…my man…my granny…and my bass boat…Dang! Inhalin’ popcorn affected my memory…and…uh….dang! I fergot….”
  
  HI, DEBBIE!
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 10:08 pm rating: +3
- #13.12 Miss Unloop
  
  You forgot to list your dog, your double-wide trailer, and your beloved Golden Flake Bear Bryant commemorative potato chip tin.
  
  Aug 18, 2008 at 10:28 pm rating: +3
- #13.13 Holiday Djinn
  
  I main line my popcorn. Really, it is sad. I cannot even get up out of bed unless i have shot up some corn.
  
  The worst, i have started turning tricks for popcorn. For me, “jolly time” has a new meaning.
  
  Aug 19, 2008 at 7:22 am rating: +4

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

especially deborah

August 17th, 2008 · 206 comments

206 responses so far ↓