sorcia mcnasty in north carolina says this “piece of art” is located right next to the paper supply drawer. “we’re not sure if there is really a problem with theft or if occasionally, you know, the machine just runs out of paper. no one wants to question the MACHINE IN MOTION.”
related: the passive-aggressive note has not been destroyed; it has been solved
This post is favorited by 0 registered users
FILED UNDER: clip art catastrophe · did you know? · fax · office supplies · the fax machine
— Kris
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actions speak louder actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism art austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn bullet points california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. die bitch die dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies fridge garbage gloriously redundant group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jersey jesus kids kitchen landlord laundry london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks ontario opening/closing p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san diego san francisco sarcasm say wha? seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley smoking spelling and grammar police stealing temperature texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting toilet toronto touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" virginia visual aids water whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
114 responses so far ↓
#1
Miss Unloop
Where does one find clip art like that? The fax machine on the right looks like it it singing opera or something…
“Fi-i-i-i-i-i-garo! Fi-i-i-i-i-i-i-garo! Figarofigarofigarofigarofi-i-i-i-i-i-i-garo!”
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:00 pm rating: +24
#2
e
does it walk across the room? I’ve never seen a fax machine move. Old crappy copy machines i’ve seen scoot across a table, but never a fax machine. I’m just curious what kind of motion it has…. maybe it’s a perpetual motion machine!
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:02 pm rating: +3
#3
anglophile
What is this strange item called a Facsimile Machine?
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:04 pm rating: +14
#4
se
I have tossed a fax machine across a room. Does that count as being in motion?
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:08 pm rating: +9
#5
Miss Unloop
“Hello? Is this Lloyd’s of London? Yes, I’ve just been informed that the fax machine is a piece of art, and I’d like to see about getting it insured…”
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:15 pm rating: +3
#6
anglophile
The Cave Drawings at Lascaux
The Venus de Milo
The Mona Lisa
The Starry Night
Les Demoiselles d’Avignon
The Facsimile Machine
sounds about right
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:16 pm rating: +29
#7
agirlie
I particularly love the sneaky clip art thief on the bottom right hand side. Because people who work somewhere and steal paper dress up like that to steal office supplies…
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:22 pm rating: +13
#8
Kimberly
I tend to want to give our fax machine the same treatment that the fax machine in Office Space received. I can’t recall one time that I’ve ever thought of it as art.
I’m all for the sentiment of everyone chipping in and filling the paper if they notice it’s out but I can’t really take anyone seriously who abuses clipart so egregiously and likens the bane of my existence to Renoir.
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:39 pm rating: +2
#9
park rose
Some say the body is like a machine, a MACHINE IN MOTION. One of the most important motions it has is the bowel movement. This motion can be performed if there is no paper, but it makes the clean-up very messy. In fact, the thought of there being no paper might hinder perfect execution of this movement. There are paper thieves around, everywhere (U know who U R). Note, your actions can have a disastrous effect on the potential works of art that our MACHINE IN MOTION pushes forth (though the abstract connoisseurs at Skidmark art might disagree). Please allow our MACHINE IN MOTION to stay in MOTION by not stealing its paper.
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:45 pm rating: +22
#10
snee
DID YOU KNOW???
nope, but now that i have this new, glorious information, what shall i do with it? i am full to bursting of information and pape–wait! no, just full of information. that’s all. carry on. nothing to see here, folks…
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:56 pm rating: +4
#11
SF Iris
Maybe it’s just me, but if I see anything or anyone in motion at work, I tend to just leave them alone until they’ve finished. Less embarrassing all ’round.
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:58 pm rating: +2
#12
snee
with all that clip art, could they not scare up a screen bean?!
Aug 18, 2008 at 10:59 pm rating: +6
#13
Canthz_B
You know, Man, like this business is an Organism, Man. An Organism in motion, Man. The Organism, Man, needs to keep moving forward, Man. The Facsimile Machine, Man, is the voice of our business, Man. The paper is our breath, Man. Don’t steal our breath, Man. Otherwise we’d just be going through he motions, Man.
Aug 18, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: +18
#14
Maddy
Can’t be too careful!
Cheers
Aug 18, 2008 at 11:08 pm rating: 0
#15
snee
dear paper stealer,
FAX YOU!
Aug 18, 2008 at 11:08 pm rating: +31
#16
Canthz_B
A fax machine in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.
~ Sir I. Fig Newton
Aug 18, 2008 at 11:10 pm rating: +19
#17
Canthz_B
Maybe it’s sharing its paper with the attractive copier down the hall. I say shorten the extension cords of all office machines. That’ll learn ‘em to be in motion!
Aug 18, 2008 at 11:19 pm rating: +9
#18
Wolverine Girl
I’m a little disturbed by the clip art beside the sentence “Sadly, it cannot perform its motion if there is no paper.” All references to toilet paper aside, what happened to the guy in the picture? Did the fax machine, unable to perform its motion, get revenge by biting off his head?
Aug 18, 2008 at 11:30 pm rating: +4
#19
erin
wait a minute
are you telling me that this fax machine’s paper tray isn’t never-ending?
CRAZY
Aug 18, 2008 at 11:43 pm rating: 0
#20
ellemarie
I think this is one of the scariest notes I’ve seen so far- whoever wrote this sounds ready to commit (a somehow passive aggressive) murder over the lack of paper. Methinks somebody ‘cannot perform its motion’ enough at home.. sadly.
Aug 18, 2008 at 11:54 pm rating: +4
#21
Canthz_B
It’s not enough to see the plastic. You must see the fax machine inside the plastic.
That, my friends, is art.
Aug 19, 2008 at 12:03 am rating: +6
#22
Miss Unloop
People should know better than to try to come between a woman and her MACHINE IN MOTION.
Aug 19, 2008 at 12:08 am rating: +13
#23
claw71
No, no, no…this is all wrong. That fax machine is a piece of shit, not art and nobody’s stealing the paper, it’s jammed. I don’t know about motion but if I have to ask my client to re-fax his signed copy of the proposal I’m going to shove that machine up your cheap, refurbished equipment-buying ass.
Aug 19, 2008 at 5:41 am rating: +6
#24
Red Letterboxer
That first bit of clip art looks like a failed entry in Battle Bots, or maybe the Tin Man in a low budget production of the Wizard of Oz.
Aug 19, 2008 at 6:37 am rating: +3
#25
Holiday Djinn
Machine in motion? Machine in motion? Is it a fax machine or a freakin’ Ferrari?
Also, who keeps/finds all these horrible narrow clip art files. I expect if the world was ending in 10 minutes due to the earth being bombarded by Alien spaceships using bombs that look like office furniture, we would all be informed via a PA note using that obscure clip art.
Aug 19, 2008 at 7:11 am rating: +2
#26
DirtyOldLady
…you stole a piece of paper from the fax machine to write this note, didn’t you.
Aug 19, 2008 at 7:48 am rating: +3
#27
P'chick
I took that paper… and it was fucking delicious.
(Yes, I have Pica.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pica_(disorder)
Aug 19, 2008 at 7:53 am rating: +2
#28
JPav
Since when did the Cookie Crisp crook start stealing office supplies? The times they are a changin’…
Aug 19, 2008 at 8:13 am rating: +1
#29
Joe
McNasty? Well, that’s a far cry from McDreamy. But, hey, at least she’s honest with herself.
Aug 19, 2008 at 8:40 am rating: 0
#30
Red Letterboxer
DID YOU KNOW???
The Facsimile Machine is not a piece of art at all? If it were the kind of kinetic art you imagine it to be, it would be ostentatiously displayed in our expensively decorated lobby.
Sadly, it would be inconvenient to most of the employees in that location – and even further from the paper supply cabinet, which is clearly already too far away.
Please refrain from using the term MACHINE IN MOTION unless you intend to provide a tastefully decorated mechanized turntable, or perhaps hook up an entertaining novelty bass to announce to everyone that a fax is arriving.
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:06 am rating: +2
#31
B Rad
Machine in Motion, isn’t that the other theme from St. Elmo’s Fire??
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:08 am rating: +2
#32
aaa
I’ll show you how I perform my motion. And when I see your mom…
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:09 am rating: 0
#33
Mishee
Wow. And I thought my maiden name was bad!!
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:09 am rating: 0
#34
claw71
I knew she was out of paper but I didn’t care. We’d been emailing each other for weeks and had to have each other. I couldn’t take it any longer. So one night after she emailed me some cutesy little message chock full of emoticons I just went over and faxed her. I faxed her hard and it was good. She told me to stop because her queue was getting full but I couldn’t help myself and her protests weren’t convincing. Her queue was more than accommodating as it opened with each and every transmission. She couldn’t get enough of my document. I kept on faxing. On some level I knew it was wrong but it felt so right. I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. Finally, after what seemed like hours her queue finally couldn’t take any more. It was full and my document was tattered and torn. We were both spent. After a few minutes I finally mustered up the courage to apologize as I feared I had crossed a line. Don’t worry, she replied, it was exactly what we needed. I asked her what she was going to do…after all, we hadn’t used any paper and unprinted fax had all sorts of complications. It turned out that she had no trouble aborting the job and the next day we each had our equipment thoroughly checked by a technician to make sure we hadn’t corrupted anything.
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:10 am rating: +28
#35
Journal of Social awkwardness
I think my favourite part of this note is the picture of the sneaky burglar in the corner!
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:51 am rating: 0
#36
Me
I eagerly await passive aggressive notes every day just to read the wonderful comments below. Some of you are truly amazing and hilarious. Thanks!
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:27 am rating: +3
#37
schrodingersduck
I bet the person stealing the paper was the one who wrote this note – to cover their tracks, they even had it printed on the paper stolen from the fax.
Aug 19, 2008 at 11:01 am rating: +1
#38
Lurker
DID YOU KNOW???
…that being condescending rather than simply stating what needs to be done is counter-productive and makes people less willing to help?
Aug 19, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: +2
#39
AJLonesome
What a ridiculously circumlocutive way to say “don’t take the paper!”
And I walked away with a ream of paper before I actually finished reading the note.
Aug 19, 2008 at 1:00 pm rating: +3
#40
GhostWriter
“30 seconds on the clock; are you ready?”
“Yes, Charles!”
“OK – Name something that needs paper to work properly.”
“ummm, a fax machine”
“A piece of art…”
“fax machine”
“A machine in motion…”
“fax machine”
“Something you should never steal…”
“fax paper”
“…and umm, well how about this? An office communication device?”
“FAX MACHINE!”
“Very Good, Love- now, let’s see how you did…”
Aug 19, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: +7
#41
Grade Ape
DID YOU KNOW???
(Assuming a billable rate of $100 p/h)
Key in text: $30
Print version 1: ¢10
Red Line v1 and make revisions: $20
Add in all caps, adjust leading: $60
Print version 2: ¢10
Ponder impact of messaging: $60
Add italic header, reprint version 2: $5.10
Poll team and gather response: $200
Search for 5 clip art images: $200
Add clip art to design, adjust font sizes: $100
Print version 3: ¢10
Circulate for final revisions: $100
Implement final edits: $30
Print final version and install: $3.10
Grand Total: $808.50
Waisting an entire day and alerting the office to the presence of an asshat? Priceless!
Aug 19, 2008 at 2:20 pm rating: +4
#42
0falcon8
Ode to a Machine in Motion
Oh! Fax Machine, work of Art!
Sing to me your siren song!
Machine in Motion vomiting a pixel ballet
Upon virginal, life giving paper
Until a cold, heartless rapscallion
Skulks away into the night
with your life blood
Your reams of soul
The Motion has ceased
*end*
Aug 19, 2008 at 3:50 pm rating: +5
#43
punkypower
I would make fun of this person, except I work in an office where people are forever using up all the paper in the copier, printer and fax, but none of them know how to refill it. Same goes for toilet paper. I’m one of those annoying bitches who doesn’t want to use my time refilling paper that everyone else used. I know that makes me an asshat and the other people not-at-all selfish and inconsiderate.
Aug 19, 2008 at 6:45 pm rating: 0
#44
AWagentX
>Singing< There’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow, Starting at the End of Every Day….
See Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKz6qdexetY
or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9c5H6QzVPY
Aug 19, 2008 at 7:32 pm rating: 0
#45
Woman on the Verge
Excuse me, but did the fax machine in motion get pissed off by not having paper and eat the head of the clipart guy sitting passively next to the carnivorous machine? I am a little disturbed by this.
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:07 pm rating: +1
#46
PandoraWombat
If they run out of paper, they can always get someone in another office to fax them some more. Duh!
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:17 pm rating: +4
#47
HS
If the fax is a rocking, don’t come a knocking?
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:47 pm rating: +1
#48
punkypower
This note must have been written by Mr. Burns.
“I’m sure the manual will indicate which lever is the velocitator and which the deceleratrix.”
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:02 pm rating: +2
#49
Phalange
Those walking fax machines look like a line of long-forgotten Transformers.
Aug 20, 2008 at 11:20 am rating: 0
#50
pirateywill
Hmm. I think someone is too embarrassed to admit the truth here. If you replace the words “Facsimile Machine” with Digestive System, “Paper” with FiberCon, and “Motion” with Regular Bowel Movements…. Well, someone’s backed up because someone else is making off with all the fiber!
Aug 24, 2008 at 1:34 am rating: 0
Leave a Comment