our anonymous submitter in takoma park, maryland says her roommate/landlord is constantly leaving little post-its and e-mails for the other roommates, but i think these two have a bit of yum-o synchronicity.
related: the first thing i did when i woke up
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FILED UNDER: e-mail · food · maryland · takoma park · thanks (but not really) · the earth
— Canthz_B
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176 responses so far ↓
#1
Miss Unloop
Is the first note from Rachael Ray?
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:02 pm rating: +2
#2
punkypower
If the bread is good enough for a squirrel or the compost pile, it’s certainly good enough for the roommates.
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:06 pm rating: +4
#3
Delurker
Hi One,
Squirrels are infamous for stealing extra virgin olive oil, so we don’t think we should encourage them by feeding them our bread.
We can’t eat the bread because there is no olive oil in which to dip our bread. You really ought to get on that oil shortage ASAP.
Thanks,
All
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:21 pm rating: +25
#4
0falcon8
If she’s gonna be all out of evoo, how’s she gonna lubricate that stick up her ass?
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:22 pm rating: +42
#5
Fresca
Clearly I am not much of a gourmet– my first thought was “If there’s extra virgin olive oil, why not share it? I always share if I have extra of something.”
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:45 pm rating: +27
#6
morpho aurora
To: *****@yahoogroups.com
Re: bread in trash
Yes, there is a reason.
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:46 pm rating: +12
#7
Cat Skyfire
I’m disturbed that they had a yahoogroup for communication for a household.
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:51 pm rating: +22
#8
Canthz_B
Who the Hell eats acorn-flavored bread?
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:55 pm rating: +2
#9
Burghardt
Is there any reason not to feed to squirrels, compost or even eat this bread
rabies, it stinks, and it’s moldy
come to think of it, these are also good reasons to not have roommates/landlords.
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:59 pm rating: +11
#10
pythagoras
I’m confused. So the roommate/landlord is out of EVOO if they’re NOT in the habit of sharing it? Well, this just makes no sense to me.
Aug 19, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: +2
#11
figsy
that evoo was fucking delicious, unlike the bread.
Aug 19, 2008 at 11:08 pm rating: +14
#12
raiseyourglass
Oh I truly dislike the condecending go green people. Not that I dislike the idea about being eco friendly. But you just wasted electricty to type a message rather than just composting it yourself.
Aug 19, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: +4
#13
Miss Unloop
When they refer to “this bread”, how are the roomates to know to which bread she is referring? Did they attach a digital image of said bread to the email?
Aug 19, 2008 at 11:41 pm rating: +2
#14
erin
Dear world,
Let’s stop calling it “EVOO”. That would be grand.
Aug 20, 2008 at 12:30 am rating: +32
#15
ellemarie
all I know is that EVOO sounds like a pokemon, and people who abuse acronyms should not under any circumstances be allowed to live with other people.
Aug 20, 2008 at 12:33 am rating: +4
#16
snee
hey, i’ll chip in for some pam.
Aug 20, 2008 at 1:44 am rating: +2
#17
secondsout
Was it Outback bread? Someone has been looking for that.
Aug 20, 2008 at 2:41 am rating: +45
#18
ella
I’m with the landlord. The notes seem fairly well humoured considering that someone apparently finished off his/her expensive oil. And if I have a compost and someone throws food in the garbage, thus stinking up my house, I get fucking annoyed.
Aug 20, 2008 at 4:09 am rating: +1
#19
Goldie
Hey, let’s not discriminate. If Trash wants to eat some of the bread after a long day out on the curb, she should be allowed to. Unlike that ewok oil from the first email (because, srsly, who wants ewok oil? ewww), the bread needs to be shared!
Aug 20, 2008 at 7:03 am rating: +1
#20
Goldie
Another thought, can we see the rest of those threads? I’d give a lot to see the other 11 posts about the oil and the 5 about the bread. I bet they’re fuck… oh never mind.
Aug 20, 2008 at 7:06 am rating: +2
#21
PandoraWombat
In Soviet Russia bread throws YOU in trash!
Aug 20, 2008 at 7:18 am rating: +4
#22
Holiday Djinn
Seems like everybody is missing the point. You use the bread as bait for the squirrels. Once you catch the squirrels, then you quarter them and start them off in a pan with a little EV-OO. After a while, add in some onion and garlic. Add some good wine, allow the meat to braise for a few minutes.
Serve, enjoy!
But hey, I’m a foody
Aug 20, 2008 at 7:32 am rating: +15
#23
PandoraWombat
Agent Butterfield was scared – real scared. The kind of scared that makes you vomit in the elevator and all over the hall.
He knew that thx Sandra was on to him. It would only be a matter of time before the dogs infesting the bathroom down the hall would tear him and his unitard to bits.
Desperate, he came upon a plan – a GENIUS plan. Disguised as a piece of stale bread, he surreptitiously climbed into the trash bin in a nearby apartment building. SAFE!
Uh oh. He heard footsteps coming closer, and closer. The pantry door opened… and he was discoverd! Curses! He would now be fed to squirrels – fulfilling a recurring nightmare he’d had since he first joined the force.
To add insult to injury – his ill-fated choice of hiding places had now been broadcasted to one of the area’s largest Yahoo! Groups. The very same Yahoo! Group he had been trying to infiltrate to weed out the cucumber terriozists! Ack, the irony!
If only he had smeared himself in olive oil and chosen the compost heap instead! But wait – there’s no olive oil! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
Aug 20, 2008 at 7:32 am rating: +12
#24
claw71
It’s not a habit it’s cool I feel alive if you don’t have it you’re on the other side
As for the bread, I there are plenty of good reasons. First of all you aren’t supposed to feed wildlife, especially squirrels, because they can become aggressive when they lose their natural fear of humans that’s also why I don’t want to compost it. I can’t eat it. I’m off bread. I need to watch my glycemic index and bread’s a no go.
Aug 20, 2008 at 8:23 am rating: 0
#25
James
Hahaha I love the first one so so much.
The landlord is disgruntled enough to write a note concerning the passing around of his/her decidedly slutty extra virgin olive oil bottle by all and sundry, yet on the off-chance they simply consumed the whole bottle themselves in some sort of “EVOO” induced acid-like haze, they add the last sentence so as not to offend anyone.
I just love how rather than finishing with a memorable punch-to-the-face sign off, they chooses to let the note taper off into a mire of passive anguish and self-doubt.
It’s like if Mike White’s character from School of Rock tried to write an aggressive note to the Sarah Silverman character concerning olive oil.
I may have over-analysed this one.
Aug 20, 2008 at 9:01 am rating: +8
#26
Em Tee
I feel like there’s an Axis of EVOO joke in here somewhere…but I’m just too damn tired to think of it.
Anyone? Anyone?
Aug 20, 2008 at 9:01 am rating: +9
#27
claw71
I think I saw an episode of 30 minute meals where Rachel Ray poached squirrel in EVOO.
Doesn’t she strike you as somebody who is going to instantly balloon to 400 pounds the minute her career is over? Yummo! Canned ham!
Aug 20, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: +10
#28
Red Letterboxer
“If you are in the habit of sharing our extra virgin olive oil…”
I wouldn’t call it a habit, exactly. I only use it recreationally. I mean, I can quit anytime I want to, right? It’s not like I have to have it!
So, if it’s not a habit I don’t have to buy a new bottle, right?
Aug 20, 2008 at 9:35 am rating: +13
#29
aaa
Email 1: Stop watching Rachel Ray. She’s been scientifically proven to shrink the volume of her viewers’ brains by at least 80%. Although it might be too late for you at this point in time…
Email 2: You’re perfectly welcome to dig the bread out of the trash if you really want to eat trash bread, properly maintain a compost heap, and deal with overly tame wild animals that assault you for handouts. Just don’t ask us to “share” in the responsibility.
Aug 20, 2008 at 10:44 am rating: +3
#30
Quite Contrary
Landlords and roommates are the axis of evil.
Aug 20, 2008 at 10:44 am rating: +1
#31
aaa
So our anonymous submitter, are you going to be emailing your house’s Yahoo group (WTF?) with this URL?
Aug 20, 2008 at 11:18 am rating: 0
#32
RALPHY
Advice to landlord meekly given;
Go get replacement E.V. olive oil and drink about a cup. The ensuing diarrhea might fix your head problem. Oh–and by the-I’m a big girl now and can do what the hell I want with my moldy bread. Fuck the squirrels.
Aug 20, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: +2
#33
thirty six red
Either make fondue or croutons. Better yet throw chunks of said bread all over his feckin roof and see how he likes it when the arboreal rodents go into feeding frenzy.
Aug 20, 2008 at 12:57 pm rating: 0
#34
bobby
Mind your fuckin business, I will throw away whatever I want that is mine.
ps. living with your landlord can be detrimental to your health.
Aug 20, 2008 at 1:29 pm rating: 0
#35
Canthz_B
Bread-fed squirrel soaks up a lot of EVOO in the pan, almost as much as eggplant, but it makes for Good Eats!
Aug 20, 2008 at 1:48 pm rating: +3
#36
OnTheEdge
Anybody consider yet that the squirrels are eating both the bread AND the EVOO. C’mon folks, get with the program. Damn fucking rodents.
Aug 20, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: 0
#37
Lurker
Yes, there is a reason to not feed to squirrels, compost, or even eat this bread.
That reason is, I didn’t fucking feel like it.
See? There’s a reason for everything!
Aug 20, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: +1
#38
secondsout
The real reason that the landlord complained about the bread in the trash is that it was in the feminine hygiene receptacle. Bloody pons only – no bread!
Aug 20, 2008 at 2:55 pm rating: +1
#39
ellemarie
listen, we threw that bread away when we discovered it was saturated in EVOO. I’d suggest ordering some more on eBay, but only if you’re an overseas buyer.
if not, well, I guess you’re out of olive oil.
Aug 20, 2008 at 5:01 pm rating: 0
#40
Crash
What is the mathematical equasion as to why the sky is blue ?
Aug 20, 2008 at 9:38 pm rating: 0
#41
gwennie
To all EVOO-Users:
Don’t burn olive oil in the microwave! It fucking stinks!
Thx
Aug 21, 2008 at 9:18 am rating: +1
#42
Calophi
That bread was not fucking delicious!
Aug 21, 2008 at 9:48 am rating: 0
#43
?????
Amy quit looking over here.
Aug 21, 2008 at 3:44 pm rating: 0
#44
Charles De Mar
I’ve been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I’m no dummy. I know high school girls.
Aug 21, 2008 at 3:49 pm rating: 0
#45
?????
it is always the squirrels you don’t see that are up to the most shenanigans!
Aug 21, 2008 at 4:14 pm rating: 0
#46
YogaforCynics
Hmmm…I was recently involved with a nutty woman in Takoma Park…she didn’t have a roommate but…hell, there was that room she wouldn’t let me into….
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:04 pm rating: 0
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