Just so you Noe Valley-ites don’t feel like you’ve cornered the self-righteous yuppie market…I spotted this last week on my very own block in Park Slope, Brooklyn.
related: The thoughts that count
extra credit: “A different sort of neighborhood watch” [brownstoner.com]
“Brooklyn neighbors & passive-aggressive notes” [daftcrafts.com]
FILED UNDER: Brooklyn · excessive underlining · high on highlighter · Moms & Dads · noise · not-so-veiled threats · Park Slope
Cursing babies suck!
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:09 pm rating: 16
Is that a baby or Ernest Borgnine?
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:27 am rating: 3
Ernest Borgnine was once my “celebrity Dad” for a camping trip…
It was an interesting trip. Someone stole his swiss army knife and then we were accosted by a bear.
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:39 am rating: 5
Really? I was on that trip — we got lost, ended up out at sea, tried fishing with a cheez doodle (FAIL!), and finally found an unmanned oil rig with a KrustyBurger. Strangely enough, the “unmanned” oil rig had a full complement of KrustyBurger workers, as well as Krusty himself.
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:21 am rating: 7
I’ve been unmanned for so long that my burger is beginning to get krusty.
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:24 am rating: 20
enjoy your yeast infection!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:27 am rating: 7
well Mark, you got lucky! I mean, who’da thunk to bring a map with them? Not Ernest!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:39 am rating: 1
The author of that forbidding missive obviously assumes that someone coming by Apt #3 just to buzz the buzzer can read….
Aug 24, 2008 at 1:26 am rating: 0
In all fairness, Ed McMahon is probably just looking for somewhere to crash.
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:10 pm rating: 44
What if it’s UPS delivering bibles?
Do they toss pebbles at the windows?
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:12 pm rating: 12
yeah ! What if its Jesus delivering a check?
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:17 pm rating: 12
What if it’s Ed McMahon delivering Jesus?
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:40 pm rating: 19
What if Jesus is delivering Ed McMahon?
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:47 am rating: 6
Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:26 am rating: 6
What if it is Especially Deborah delivering some holy Korans or the Watchtower?
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:15 am rating: 1
What if its Buzz Aldrin or Buzz Lightyear?
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: 1
… or Buzzbee the Honey Nut Cheerios bee….
Or the Bee Girl from the Blind Melon “No Rain” video…
Or Bumblebee Man for Christ’s sake!! I mean, Bumblebee Man! That’s like, one step down from Lenny!
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:01 pm rating: 1
What if it is UPS delivering a lovely portrait of Jesus surrounded by adoring children as painted upon black velvet and auctioned off on e-bay?
Aug 24, 2008 at 1:28 am rating: 2
Dear Apt. 3,
I came by to drop off some gifts and stocking stuffers, but I see that I am prohibited from BUZZing your apartment. You are on the Naughty List from now on.
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:13 pm rating: 31
and cursing babies get COAL!
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:33 pm rating: 5
or coal-flavoured soap.
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:45 pm rating: 1
Aw, Santa’s peddling religion, anyway…away with you, Saint Nick!
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:55 am rating: 3
Perhaps the baby’s cursing because obviously her mom is suffering from post-partem grumpiness…ah…those 2 AM feedings!
Aug 24, 2008 at 1:30 am rating: 1
Maybe the mom’s name is Rosemary.
Aug 24, 2008 at 2:50 am rating: 1
P.S. By the way, Ed McMahon has filed for bankruptcy, so you may want to cross him off your “BUZZ-Worthy” list. He may just be looking for free Hot Pockets.
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:14 pm rating: 17
And burnt microwave PopCorn.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:29 am rating: 1
And be wary of any check Ed may give you–it could bounce….
That note is awesome, on-point, and it would appear, completely necessary.
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:14 pm rating: 20
And yet it can be replaced with a simple “No Soliciting” sticker.
I’d come over and give them my spare one, but they won’t let me in, so why bother.
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:05 pm rating: 24
I have heard that sometimes, religious solicitors don’t consider themselves “soliciting”, so a no soliciting sign doesn’t work.
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:08 am rating: 1
Dang. Oh well, there’s always the old trick of answering the door naked. I kinda did it once, it really does work.
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:44 am rating: 1
Legally (in the US, at least), “religious solicitors” are not considered solicitors. Just ask SCOTUS and the JWs.
Aside from that, I would have to disagree with random bob. The entire first half of the note is unnecessary. If he’s home, he answers on the first buzz. If he’s not home, it doesn’t harm him to let them buzz more than once. He won’t hear it, and, unless he’s a negligent parent, neither will any sleeping baby.
Indeed, all he needs is a “no soliciting” sign, with “INCLUDING RELIGION!” appended, underlined, and highlighted.
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:31 am rating: 5
Notice the part that says “or if I can’t come to the door”. So it’s not necessarily the case that they answer the door always on the first buzz.
What if they just put the baby to bed and just jumped in the bath to relax when Jesus comes along armed with some religious pamphlets and starts wailing repeatedly on the buzzer? Fucking jesus. One buzz is enough, you long haired hippy.
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:46 am rating: 13
Or what if they finally put the baby down for a nap and are enjoying the first real sex they have been able to have for weeks????
Aug 24, 2008 at 1:32 am rating: 1
Beware the curse of the baby
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:19 pm rating: 5
Coming this fall Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel in ” Curse Of The Baby”!
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:30 am rating: 4
In Soviet Russia baby delivers YOU !!
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:31 am rating: 9
Does this baby have an upside down crucifix above her bed?
Aug 24, 2008 at 1:33 am rating: 0
i’m copying this and pasting it to my front door!
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:37 pm rating: 1
What do they care how many times someone buzzed when they’re not at home?
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:40 pm rating: 11
I bet they leave the demon baby home alone. If it can curse those who wake it, I’m sure it can take care of itself well enough. Really, this is for our own good.
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:52 pm rating: 13
More likely they have doorbell forwarding.
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:11 pm rating: 17
I once worked in a kitchen where, apparently, the only way to summon the service elevator was to stick your finger on the call button and hold it there, until the people who were actually using the elevator got sick of the giant buzzing sound and surrendered it.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:09 am rating: 6
because it’s annoying to the building?
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:53 am rating: 0
Sister Margaret: Wait Sister Sarah! Don’t buzz here, we could wake their baby and be cursed.
Sister Sara pushing the buzzer: Well I’ll be damned!
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:43 pm rating: 18
If the baby can curse people, I think #3 ought to let the religious people in.
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:47 pm rating: 14
You won’t buzz in Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny or the Stork? You suck.
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:48 pm rating: 6
Well obviously they let the Stork buzz at least once. Guess they felt they got screwed over when they ended up with a satan baby and don’t want to let the bastard in with another lemon.
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:56 pm rating: 39
Unless the first baby came from the cabbage patch.
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:20 am rating: 1
Or the mother’s name is Mary and she is a virgin.
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:21 pm rating: 0
I’m wondering what happened to prompt all this Baby Mama Rage in the first place. And was the photographer trying to sell religion, or just doing the ding-dong-dash?
Aug 21, 2008 at 10:49 pm rating: 0
It only takes one waking of a baby who finally fell asleep to awaken a rage that will terrify nations. I’d probably skip the PAN and go straight to disemboweling the hapless Jehovah’s Witness who woke up my lil’ nap resister.
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:17 pm rating: 26
How loud is their damn buzzer? Perhaps they should read the BUZZ whisperer. Maybe they got their baby monitor units backward. Figure it out! And keep your sleep-deprived, hormone driven, shoulda used a condom, anger to yourself.
Aug 22, 2008 at 4:34 am rating: 4
Secretly Passive Aggresive
What is the Buzz Whisperer?
Is that a new Cesar Millan spin-off?
Aug 22, 2008 at 1:37 pm rating: 0
What if I came for my annual cucumber sandwich? Can I buzz then?
Also, what if I wake the baby for a reason? Like, if I brought her a children’s Bible? with nice pictures?? Will I still be cursed?
Lastly, anal question for Kerry, shouldn’t the tenants’ last names be blacked out? just checkin’.
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:11 pm rating: 2
Thank you Terry!
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:05 am rating: 1
It’s ok if you wake the baby for a reason. If, for example, you can’t stand these people, you could have good reason to wake up the maybe baby.
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:48 am rating: 3
Buzz. How many times has your baby woken me up? Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: 20
I’d buzz 4 or 5 times and then run. Satan babies hate that!
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:14 pm rating: 8
That’s the first thing I thought when I saw this note – these people are asking for a lot of Nicky Nicky Nine Doors in their immediate future.
Hell, I’m a ‘grown up’ and I’d probably give it a few buzzes on the way past. Yes, I’m an instigator.
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:08 pm rating: 3
I think it’s a marvel that the writer understands that delivery persons can follow instructions, but that religious-types need the threat of something supernatural befalling them to comply.
That’s what I call insightful.
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:30 pm rating: 19
Man… I wouldn’t put such strict regulations on anyone who was going to give me a cheque for millions of dollars.
And does this mean that if they come with a cheque for $999000 they should just turn around and leave without buzzing at all?
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:39 pm rating: 3
Yep, and they should give that check to me!
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:00 am rating: 0
their first sign:
BEWARE: cursing demon baby!
buzz once if you dare…
they had to try again because the ups guy wouldn’t come near the place and the jw’s were swarming like flies on shit. buzz buzz buzz!
Aug 21, 2008 at 11:49 pm rating: 1
This sounds like a Halloween note.
“Trick or tre–”
*baby appears at the door, head spinning around in circles and projectile-vomiting!*
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:42 am rating: 2
What a c*nt. Her little precious has probably disrupted more than a few restaurants in her time. Ring away, UPS.
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:08 am rating: 8
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:18 am rating: 0
That’s a dumb thing to assume. One might as well assume that you’ve been going around screaming in libraries and show up to scream at your front door.
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:19 am rating: 3
i didn’t know cursing babies could type. hunh.
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:57 am rating: 4
Good point, Louie, it did say Park Slope.
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:48 am rating: 1
Nice language and nice judgmental attitude, Louie. Don’t judge until you’ve been sleep-deprived by your own sweet baby who you’ve wanted for a long time (no accident as suggested by a previous poster).
Aug 22, 2008 at 6:57 pm rating: 2
The baby was fucking delicious.
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:09 am rating: 6
… waiting for Mishee to get a hold of you… you too will scream like the demon baby.
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:54 am rating: 2
But seriously, that baby? No, all babies are abundantly tasty. Moot point, Epic. Boo.
Aug 22, 2008 at 6:32 am rating: 6
Someone ate the baby.
It’s rather sad to say.
Someone ate the baby
So she won’t be out to play.
We’ll never hear her whiney cry
Or have to feel if she is dry.
We’ll never hear her asking “Why?”
Someone ate the baby.
Someone ate the baby.
It’s absolutely clear
Someone ate the baby
‘Cause the baby isn’t here.
We’ll give away her toys and clothes.
We’ll never have to wipe her nose.
Dad says, “That’s the way it goes.”
Someone ate the baby.
Someone ate the baby.
What a frightful thing to eat!
Someone ate the baby
Though she wasn’t very sweet.
It was a heartless thing to do.
The policemen haven’t got a clue.
I simply can’t imagine who
Would go and (burp) eat the baby.
– Shel Silverstein
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:31 am rating: 7
I hear they taste of chicken. I prefer to put babies on a spike.
Oh yeah, Epic, here is your Unitard. Sorry about the stains, I think claw was wearing it and then RB did a striptease for him… and well, you can figure out the rest…
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:33 am rating: 3
Oh yeah this was ground already previously covered. Just the right amount of fat under the crispy skin. Yummo.
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: 1
i LOVE unitards! how did you know that’s what i’ve always wanted?
Aug 22, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: 1
“There MAY be a sleeping baby…”
Admit it. There’s no baby. You just only like people who give you free stuff. And you don’t even like them that much.
Aug 22, 2008 at 1:07 am rating: 9
Well the baby may or may not exist, but there definitely is *something*!
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:49 am rating: 0
Like me, they probably stole the baby and keep it in their abode just because it’s a useful way of keeping enthusiastic Christians away.
btw my baby is starting to outlive it’s usefulness in this regard, I’m interested in swapping for a new model. Any takers?
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:21 am rating: 2
Give it a few years, James. When the JWs come around, having a sarcastic teenager in the house really helps.
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:24 am rating: 6
Teenagers are good at scaring off the religious types. I had a friend in high school who was playing DDR with another friend of hers (another girl) when either some JWs or LDSs rang the doorbell. When the answered the door, they hung all over each other and acted like they were all sweaty from sexing each other. The religious folks didn’t hang around too long.
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:47 am rating: 2
Can a quantum baby curse you? If so, is it a quantum curse? Does observing the curse mean observing the baby that inflicted it? Deep questions to ponder.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:14 am rating: 2
Oh James, you have not idea the potenital a small child at any age has for scaring off the dorrbell ringers of all types.
Infant – screaming child & sleep deprived, hormone -raging mother (see above note)
18 months to 3 years – naked child answering door then slamming it in doorbell ringer’s face (# of repeats increases with age)
4-6 years – still naked, child now screams from open doorway “Mom! Dad! You said not to interrupt you when you are taking a nap but there is someone here saying you need to meet Jeeeesus. Who’s Jesus?”
7-10 years- Now fully aware of “Stranger Danger” child will not open door, but pops head into window everytime the doorbell rings screaming “Help me! Help Me!” (next doorbell ringer is often the police – they are harder to get rid of)
11-13 years – sullen pre-teen often opens door only to slam in doorbell ringer’s face (not naked anymore, tho. Too many body image issues)
14-18 years- tries to invite doorbell ringer in for a beer or some peppermint schnapps and an (sic) “intelcetual converation” they can’t seem to have with their parents.
19+ years – what???? Kinck ‘em out they are an adult now!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:24 am rating: 16
Are you saying the quantum babies are harnessing the power of wormholes to effectively open a gap in the space-time contuum, allowing the quantum babies to manipulate the intergalactic metaphysical time realm in an attempt to turn back the clock and render null and void all life-supporting abilities of planet Earth, so as to eliminate any chance of a door-knocking Christian denomination even existing, thereby allowing quantum babies to go about their true calling as interplanetary time-pimps?
Is this what you’re saying, Joe?
Is this the Quantum Baby theory you put forth?
I can’t believe you’re saying that. It’s absurd.
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:24 am rating: 4
Yes, as long as the Christian at the door isn’t a Catholic priest, a small naked fiesty child would be quite the deterrent.
If it is a priest, then may God have mercy on us all…
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:27 am rating: 11
Very nice James, very nice!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:29 am rating: 0
She says that they need to Buzz once as if there has been an event in which a Fed ex man with a check for billions of dollars came to the door and buzzed more then once which woke up the baby and he got cursed so he suddenly burst into flames along with the check for billions of dollars.
Aug 22, 2008 at 1:18 am rating: 1
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:07 am rating: 2
The baby very well could be Lucy, daughter of the Devil.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:34 am rating: 2
Oh man that Luci Ferr she is so faxing hot!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:38 am rating: 3
There may be a magic sleeping wolverine that will awaken and eat someone’s face off if you buzz twice.
Fortunately, he won’t wake at all if you only buzz once.
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:43 am rating: 5
Or, there may be a sleeping Ed McMahon….
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:45 am rating: 0
Or RunBarbara may be sleeping with Ed McMahon!
sorry, that’s just jealousy talking…
Aug 22, 2008 at 6:36 am rating: 1
Considering how large your harem is, don’t you think you could share occasionally?
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:02 am rating: 0
Aug 22, 2008 at 1:07 pm rating: 3
But is it ok if someone stands outside holding a boom box up toward your window, blasting a Peter Gabriel song? They didn’t specify.
Aug 22, 2008 at 3:48 am rating: 8
Only if it’s ‘Mysterious Girl’.
That’s Peter Andre.
Aug 22, 2008 at 4:08 am rating: 1
“I don’t want what you have, especially if it’s herpes.”
Aug 22, 2008 at 4:01 am rating: 1
Or a yeast infection. Could spread to cursing Hell’s Child which would not help the sleeping problem whatsoever.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:15 am rating: 0
This makes me want to buzz at least twice, just to see the cursing baby. Hmmm… sideshow material!
Aug 22, 2008 at 4:03 am rating: 0
Oh, I’ve got it! Stewie Griffin lives in apartment 3! I love that show.
Aug 22, 2008 at 5:09 am rating: 1
Sister Margaret to Sister Sarah: Look another couple living in sin that don’t want us to lead them to salvation. I really hope when we get to heaven they have lots of marshmallows that we can cook over all these burning souls.
Aug 22, 2008 at 5:05 am rating: 2
Yeah, this is really going to work. First of all, it’s Brooklyn so anybody who reads this note is going to hit that buzzer a minimum of six times just because they’re that surly. Secondly, by demonstrating greed, sloth and stating that you possibly harbor a demon baby, religious people are going to be on you like flies on an East River garbage barge. Don’t you know that they get extra points for saving souls and exorcising demons? Finally, the postman, as we all know, always rings twice. Always.
Aug 22, 2008 at 6:30 am rating: 18
Wow. You guys need a sense of humor! This was obviously wrtten by someone whose baby has trouble sleeping & the buzzer starts a vicious cycle. If you ever spent 3 hrs trying to get your child to sleep only to have some Religious fanatic, or solicitor waken them, you’d get it!
Aug 24, 2008 at 11:05 pm rating: 0
i don’t think we are the ones who need a sense of humor.
Aug 24, 2008 at 11:16 pm rating: 1
OK, I give…why don’t we all talk about politics and religion on a web sight dedicated to making remarks, such as the ones you see here, on ?
That would make a lot more sense…wouldn’t it ?
So what do you think of abortion ?
Maybe that’s funny to you
Aug 24, 2008 at 11:25 pm rating: 0
Baby or not, the pissy tone of this sign makes me want to buzz them several times and run away, just to majorly piss them off. How old are these people, anyway? I just picture them coming out, all gray and wrinkled, shaking their canes in my direction and yelling, “Damn kids! I’ll get you one of these days!”
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:16 am rating: 2
“And stay offa my lawn!!”
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:17 am rating: 4
Commere you lil bastards I’ll beat you with a hoe handle!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: 2
RB has a handle?
I thought that was a strap-on!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: 4
thats funny, your mom thought it was a divining rod because she said it made her see God.
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:43 am rating: 10
God damn! What if they ordered take-out???? Do you risk the curse of the maybe baby to deliver a freakin pizza???? Or do you think they really wanted it to begin with? After all, it specificly says they only want certain delivery services or Ed McMahon!
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:34 am rating: 0
I’m about to surprise one lucky person with a check for $950,000! Follow me so we can get their reaction!
* reads note *
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:49 am rating: 3
At least this person doesn’t seem to have the “solicitors” I have… at least three times a week I have a well dressed Latino at my door, asking my pasty white ass if anyone in the house speaks Spanish.
I tell them to try any of the other three apts in my building… or my block… he will hit paydirt then!
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:04 am rating: 1
*sniff* Damn evil baby.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:24 am rating: 2
THAT was written by a mother who has probably not had a full night of uninterrupted sleep in a long, long time.
I don’t blame her on the religion part. I find it incredibly insulting when complete strangers bother me at home to try to hawk their version of God on my doorstep and tell me mine is wrong.
That’s why you don’t answer the door.
Aug 22, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: 0
if THAT mother wanted a full nights sleep, she shouldn’t have gotten knocked up in the first place.
Aug 22, 2008 at 4:26 pm rating: 1
Burghardt, it’s probably a good thing that YOUR mother didn’t use that same logic when deciding to have you!
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:08 pm rating: 0
aaa, most new moms try to nap when their babies nap – a loud buzzing doorbell ringing over and over is not conducive to that. All I’m saying is she sounds tired and cranky, like most people with new babies.
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: 1
That last comment of mine was vague. I was specifically referring to people selling religion door to door. ‘Cuz a) it’s pretty easy to figure out what people’s intentions are when you see them holding pamphlets and books and b) I’m guessing it’s pretty difficult to righteously spread the Word through a door that may or may not have a person behind it.
Aug 23, 2008 at 10:55 am rating: 0
Team Cursing Baby!
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:46 am rating: 1
Corky saw the note but didn’t read it. Even though his dyslexic brain was capable of processing words, Corky required visual cues to stop and read them. You see, unlike most people, Corky, because of Down Syndrome, really had to think about reading. So the note posted above the buzzers meant nothing to him. It was just a piece of paper and Corky had no reason to think that it was out of place. So he started buzzing the apartments, in order, just as he was instructed. “Hello my name is Corky,” he would say when somebody answered, “and I’m raising money for the Special Olympics.”
Even for a figure as sympathetic as Corky, with his slanted forehead and tiny almond-shaped eye, it was a tough row to hoe. He was rebuffed with as much venom as the Kirby salesman and the Jehovah’s witnesses who stalked the Brooklyn neighborhoods looking for souls to steal. But for Corky life goes on; things like scorn and anger didn’t phase him because he didn’t understand those emotions on the same level as the rest of us. Corky could be dressed down with spit-soaked vitriolic diatribe smiling pleasantly the whole time, not even reaching up to wipe his face and after the assailant was totally spent, winded and huffing, stunned at the lack of fear in his eyes, Corky would simply say, “Ok, thank you anyway” and go on about his way. Methodically performing the duties he was so carefully instructed to perform.
Corky had no idea what was waiting for him behind door number three as he blissfully reached for the button. He pressed it once and got no answer, but he counted to 10 just like his counselor told him. Then he pressed it again, a little longer but not more than a count of five. Never hold the button down longer than five, Corky thought as he pressed. It was what he always thought whenever he pressed a button and he had to carefully consider the meaning of that thought. Corky’s diligence was an inspiration. Was…because of what happened after he pressed that button a second time.
The curse didn’t take effect right away. Corky didn’t turn into a pillar of salt or burst into flames. Corky didn’t even hear the baby cry. After he counted to 10 a second time he pressed the other buttons and left that building empty-handed. Again. But he didn’t care. He tried and that was what mattered. If you try your best nobody can ask for anything more. Corky lived his life by that mantra. But that life wouldn’t last through the night. Shortly after Corky turned the corner, heading up the block just like his map told him to, things took a sinister turn. First, a crazy homeless man threw a bottle full of urine at him. The throw was short, because crazy homeless men almost always overestimate their arm strength but the bottle still shattered at his feet and the acrid smelling contents splashed up on his pants. Corky smiled and said hello, causing the crazy homeless man to run off into the shadows like a wild dog. Corky pressed on and so did the curse until his greatest fear was realized.
As corky reached the next apartment building, he noticed an small bag sitting on the stoop. Again his brain processed some basic instructions. “Trash goes in the trash can,” Corky, now reeking of urine, gleefully sang to himself. He reached down and picked up the bag which now contained a few ounces of stale beer in a 24 ounce can and a half-eaten Snowball. And bees. Angry yellow jackets worked into a frenzy by booze, sugar and the hot sun beating down on the cement stairway. They didn’t enjoy having their new home molested and they didn’t care if Corky was “special”.
Corky was confused at first, as the angry hornets buzzed around his head. He swatted at them and they got angry. He swatted some more and they grew angry still. That’s when Corky realized what those tiny yellow buzzing things were. “BEES” he screamed in the genuine terror only somebody so innocent could feel. Corky ran away as fast as he could, which wasn’t fast at all considering his short, squat stature and his lack of coordination. The yellow jackets gave chase and the rest of the hive, following the chemical signal emitted by the others, joined. Corky was doomed.
Eventually he stumbled into an empty lot and the yellow jackets swarmed. Stinging his soft, pudgy body over and over again. They would not stop…it was the curse, you see…and Corky was left to die in that empty lot, sweating, sobbing and suffocating.
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:47 am rating: 22
Are you kidding me? Who would post something so horrible? That’s wrong. I’m weeping for you. All of you.
Aug 22, 2008 at 3:11 pm rating: 1
You’re new here, aren’t you?
Aug 22, 2008 at 3:15 pm rating: 9
I think WTF??? needs to be forcibly Unitarded and have Mongolian barbecue inserted into all his orifices. Hazing’s not illegal on the internet.
Aug 22, 2008 at 3:59 pm rating: 2
I think WTF??? is already severely unitarded.
Aug 22, 2008 at 4:03 pm rating: 15
You know, I never feel my day is complete until someone weeps for me. I will sleep well tonight. Thanks, claw!
Aug 22, 2008 at 4:30 pm rating: 5
WTF??? needs to read more of Claw’s work. This passage is nothing compared to some of his others!
Aug 22, 2008 at 5:32 pm rating: 0
WTF???, I’m glad that you will weep for all of us, but I’d rather have a BJ.
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: 4
wtf just needs some time alone with the python. they’ll walk away more retarded than corky and also, probably, covered in the same amount of drool.
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: 0
WTF??? Don’t cry out loud. Keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings.
Aug 23, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: 2
HANK: Luanne, sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Now there’s two ways you can deal with it. You can cry — and that’s the path you’ve chosen — or you can not cry.
LUANNE: How do you not cry?
HANK: Well, instead of letting it out, try holding it in. Every time you have a feeling, just stick it into a little pit inside your stomach and never let it out.
LUANNE (trying it): Are you supposed to have a pain under your rib?
HANK: Yes. That’s natural. The body doesn’t want to swallow its emotions. But now you go ahead and put that pain inside your stomach too.
LUANNE: I think it’s workin’, Uncle Hank. I feel sick, but not sad.
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:23 am rating: 1
There is no baby, only ZULE.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:57 am rating: 1
There is no Zule, only Zuul
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 14
Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:43 am rating: 4
what if it was the Gatekeeper looking for the Keymaster?
Aug 22, 2008 at 1:07 pm rating: 0
I like how there “might” be a baby in there.
There might be a pony in there.
There might be a Republican in there.
There might be a blood sweating hippopotamus in there.
I think she should have left a multiple choice list of all the things that might be in there so we could have fun guessing.
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:34 am rating: 6
The “Republican” line kinda make me throw up in my mouth a little bit…
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: 5
Yes, I believe there need to be sufficient warnings about the presence of Republicans in the area, too, Mishee.
Sorry to have made you throw up!
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: 0
Eh – tiptoe around a sleeping baby, and you just end up with a baby that needs to be tiptoed around. I say the multi-buzzers are doing them a favor. Buzz away!
Second that, Creme. My kids could sleep thru a nuclear explosion, the RiverDance cast auditions and AC/DC turned up to 11.
Team Make Some Noise!
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:42 pm rating: 3
Does that mean he doesn’t want to join my Cult of Shag’nya-thotep of the Purple Veil? Damn agnostics!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:43 am rating: 0
Having a rare strain of Highlighter Haiku OCD Lars read the sign thusly:
Do not buzz.
Aug 22, 2008 at 2:28 pm rating: 3
A little buzz will help a baby sleep better. The important part is to add just the right amount of vodka to the baby’s bottle. Too much and the baby won’t sleep at all.
Aug 22, 2008 at 3:14 pm rating: 4
My mom always gave my a nip of nyquil. Ah the sweet green medicine that led to my dependence on absinthe later in life. Vile woman, damn you!
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:20 pm rating: 1
I’m the mom who wrote that note. I was pretty proud of it, underlining and highlighting included, until some A-hole ripped it down. I think it was the JW’s.
If you’ve ever been a new parent, I’m sure you know where I was coming from when I wrote it. If you haven’t, you probably just assume I’m a self-righteous yuppie. Alas, we don’t own a Bugaboo and we don’t have a country house, so I don’t think we qualify as yuppies. Yet. We’re working on it.
Anyway, enjoy my postpartum rage. It’s fun for the whole family!
Aug 22, 2008 at 3:59 pm rating: 13
Ah, the oh so familiar the-world-must-revolve-around/accomodate-my-child parent. They can be seen at neighborhood parks giving other people’s children time outs and spankings.
Aug 22, 2008 at 5:01 pm rating: 5
Er, dude, it was MY apartment. I think that’s different that asking the world to accomodate my child.
Aug 22, 2008 at 5:51 pm rating: 4
Did you learn to write such nice notes from YOUR mother?
There’s a nice way to ask. And then there’s your note.
Most everyone I know, parent or not, understands the challenges of reasoning with a small screaming child. Don’t presume your situation is unique. We’ve all been there.
PS You may not have a bugaboo or a country house, but you certainly have the self possessed attitude down pat.
Aug 22, 2008 at 6:05 pm rating: 3
Wow, lots of presumptions going on here. Doesn’t seem to me that Entitled Parent is suggesting her situation is unique. Just pointing out the stress they’ve been under. Let’s all go at least 48 hrs with only occasional sleep and then see how we feel about aggressive doorbell ringing.
But I guess it just makes you all feel better to be snarky. Good for you.
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:08 pm rating: 6
Yes, Bob, it does make us all feel better to be snarky. It is our raison d’être.
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:47 pm rating: 8
Entitled Parent – I don’t blame you one bit! Sleep deprivation is the worst, add to the mix the challenge of getting a cranky infant to stay asleep and you have one very tired and mad mama. It’s a note on YOUR door…who the f cares why or how you wrote it?
I guess all these people who are being assholes here have forgotten that they were once infants who kept their moms up all night crying too…oh, wait, some of them still probably are.
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:12 pm rating: 2
Seems to me, not that it matters much, that the vast majority of poor, sleep-deprived, under-appreciated moms get by without posting nasty, take-it-out-on-world signs.
Get over yourselves. You’re not the first parents in the history of the world.
For the record…I don’t feel sorry for you because my babies cried too…I lived!!!
PS: Bob, As a long-time insomniac, I can do 48 sleepless hours standing on my head!
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:36 pm rating: 6
You’ve got that backward, Nix. It was your mom who kept me up crying all night.
I knew I should have borrowed RB’s ball gag.
Aug 23, 2008 at 8:29 am rating: 2
FYI – “Shhh! Sleeping Baby” or posting a nap schedule works better – this came off angry and entitled. As the mom of 3 little ones the first of which was a horrible sleeper and the now-18-mo old still doesn’t sleep thru the night, I get it. Next time, write the note, burn it and make a embroidered pillow with “Shh! Sleeping baby APT #3.” to tack to your buzzer.
To get rid of religious solicitors, print your own religious pamphlets and distribute them to those coming to your house. Put a cross sticker on your buzzer and answer the buzzer “Who’s presence has Jesus blessed me with?” Then, make sure you dive into talking about how great your religion is. Word gets around.
Aug 23, 2008 at 10:02 am rating: 5
I have to ask you in all seriousness – were you an insomniac pre-babies or did having to be up all the time attending to little ones whack your sleep system? I think sleep deprivation is so terrible and mums have no CLUE what they’re getting into with it. It can totally wreck your life, marriage, etc. So I admire anybody who survives! Seriously!
And as for single moms….before they get preggers I always try to encourage my single female friends to try the whole not sleeping for like, two years thing. If they can handle it, then they are cut out for babies. If not, get a puppy! Or at least try to have a mate in the picture to help out so you can sleep once every two weeks or whatever!
(Furmum to lots of cats because I share their DNA and require a LOT of sleep.)
Aug 23, 2008 at 12:01 pm rating: 1
Good advice, Hamburke! I think we should all have our own pamphlets to hand out!
Aug 23, 2008 at 12:28 pm rating: 0
PS – Bob – I didn’t say that the pamphlets had to make sense or actually be related to the religion that we profess. I was actually thinking more of the pseudo-cult-type literature or drivel similar to the intro of Dogma where the angel Loki convinces a nun that Alice in Wonderland/Thru the Looking Glass points out how organize religion is a sham just for kicks.
Aug 23, 2008 at 1:45 pm rating: 1
Hamburke – No, I was serious about enjoying the idea. Why should religious recruitors be the only ones who get to do pamphlets. We all have our individual non-religious dogmas/theories/lessons to live by/etc. Wouldn’t it be fun to design a lovely pamphlet for them? And, you’re right, no need to make much sense. Just have fun with it!
Aug 23, 2008 at 4:20 pm rating: 0
I’ve had trouble sleeping since I was a child, used to bang my head on the pillow until I exhausted myself as a child.
My daughters’ Mom and I shared night-shifts with them.
I’m not saying that taking care of babies is easy, just that it’s what’s done so don’t be a crying adult about it. People who have babies need to realize their new responsibilities and forget about their lives “getting back to normal”.
To them I say…Get with the program, YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED FOREVER!!!!
Aug 23, 2008 at 4:53 pm rating: 2
Yes, miss Parent, don’t you realize that you should ask nicely not to be harassed by religious proselytizers? didn’t your mother teach you anything? people in brooklyn are so self-absorbed. Why would you be so rude to someone trying to save you? I’m sure that said visitor would be able to miracle your baby back to sleep. I am so offended and witty!
Aug 24, 2008 at 10:59 am rating: 0
Pot – Kettle
Pot – Kettle
you FAIL boB.
Aug 22, 2008 at 7:24 pm rating: 1
Hey if there were Republicans in there, that’s worth knowing – they’re probably pretty attached to whatever religion they have, and there’s a good chance they own a gun and maybe a large unpleasant dog, or six more kids in there. It’s something you might want to just bypass all together.
Well I got the religion and the gun. No vicious dawgs or chirruns so far.
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:44 pm rating: 0
Hey if there were Republicans in there, that’s worth knowing – they’re probably pretty attached to whatever religion they have, and there’s a good chance they own a gun and maybe a large unpleasant canine of the “git him!” variety.
Aug 22, 2008 at 8:48 pm rating: 0
if sleep-deprived mommy hadn’t wasted so much time making this sign, she would have had time for a nap.
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:40 pm rating: 6
Husband of the note-writer here, although I am logged in as her. Hey folks, it’s been seeing the passion my wife’s note has brought about. For the record I thought it was really funny, and meant to be seen as such. I didn’t see it as an assault on passers-by, unless said passers-by had a sense-of-humorrectomy.
First, also, a little context. We were unlucky enough where our child had horrible acid reflux, probably since her birth. This lead to her constantly fighting stomach acid, and choking on it, and waking up, pretty much all the time since her birth. (Of course it took us months to figure out the real problem.) This lead to frayed nerves, for sure.
Then the second problem: this meant our child would wake up with the slightest sound, and I do mean the slightest. This was especially galling when people would ring our doorbell multiple times, waking our child, who had had such a hard time falling asleep. God, did that get old fast.
Last, we’re not entitled yuppies, but I guess it’s fun for you to think so, if you do, so go right ahead.
Anyway, you know a really good place to learn more about what would drive a woman to write a somewhat angry sign? My blog! Because I, like all people who post online, think I am so damn important! Check it out, you might even like it! http://www.brooklynbabydaddy.blogspot.com/
Husband Of Highliter Using, Prosletizer Hating, Wanting Baby To Go To Sleeping, Park Slope Living Woman
Anyway, goodnight, and back to waiting hand and foot on our child!
Aug 22, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 4
I clicked over and read it. Well, skimmed through it, more like. That post was too damn long. Oh my, where do I begin. How bout a few useful tips from a seasoned parent/blogger to a new one.
1) If you don’t want people to comment on your obnoxious notes, don’t post them.
2) If you don’t want people to use your real names, again don’t post them. Right now I know your and your SO’s first and last names, the name of your neighborhood, apartment number, and the first name of your daughter. You know why? because you posted them on the ‘net for all to see. Real smart.
3) I fucking hate that damn special olympics joke. I don’t know any mentally disabled people personally, everyone in my family’s in the gifted range and I still hate it with every fiber of my being because it is just so low class. Just because one asshole made it some five years ago, doesn’t mean we should go on repeating it. It wasn’t even funny the first time. But anyho, you don’t like arguing on the Internet? Then don’t start it.
There’s so much more I could add, but I need to go, I have a certain name and address to email to the NYC Jehovah Witness branch to put on their list of people who are very interested in converting. Heh heh. don’t worry David. Just kidding.
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:58 am rating: 2
David and Randi are just pissed because their “humorous” note fell flat on its face and made them the butt of a very public joke.
But it doesn’t have to be like this. Next time I’m in New York I can give you all a little ring-a-ding-ding (or two, or five) and we can talk it out over coffee and Jesus. We can work out this air of mocking hatred between us. Not as entitled parents and embittered single hipsters in skinny jeans, but as rational adults who like the internet and clearly understand the dangers of putting too much personal information out where everyone can see. (My future employers can find out what kind of venom I can spew when they meet me. ) Whaddya say?
Aug 23, 2008 at 1:38 pm rating: 2
You know, if you were really as “logged in” as you would like us to believe, you wouldn’t be here all defensive-like when your wife’s “funny” note got posted to an actual funny website.
Aug 23, 2008 at 2:07 pm rating: 2
“our child would wake up with the slightest sound, and I do mean the slightest.”
Then even one buzz would do the trick.
Your kid has acid reflux. Millions more have colic. You’re not special. Deal with it like everyone else does.
Your note was not cute or funny.
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:56 pm rating: 1
I think it was funny. It’s always funny to see someone foist their personal angst and anxiety off on the general public.
Team public nervous breakdowns!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:02 pm rating: 2
Team Fuck Yeah CB! Hell, one of my comments was even hand-picked for the dude’s post about how teh evil we are. I’m net famous now! (Well, I suppose in an anonymous fashion, anyway.) Now how fucking awesome is that? XD
Last, we’re not embittered single folks, or hipsters in skinny jeans, or at least trying to wear skinny jeans, but I guess it’s fun for you to think so, if you do, so go right ahead.
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:07 am rating: 1
tiny. ear. plugs.
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:05 pm rating: 3
one less – NOISE MACHINE
While baby #3 doesn’t always sleep thru the night, it has greatly helped with the daytime sleeping. $15 on drugstore.com
so sorry, it’s called a sound therapy machine
Aug 23, 2008 at 10:08 am rating: 1
I just got one ‘cuz my apartment’s walls are made of fucking paper. It works pretty damn well. Hell, it even has a heartbeat sound to remind babies of their fetal days.
Aug 23, 2008 at 10:15 am rating: 0
My baby can’t stand “heartbeat”! he likes “rain” or “waterfall”. Honestly, though, both of those make me have to pee as soon as I hear them even if I’ve just gone. When he’s playing in his room, he’ll turn it to “jungle” with squeaky birds and obnoxious monkeys hoot and holler. I call it “ambiance” (like they did in Madagascar).
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:08 am rating: 0
I can’t stand heartbeat either. It’s pretty creepy to listen to. I’d listen to the “ambiance” for fun, but the nature sounds are pretty distracting. But waterfall is good. Reminds me of air conditioners. :3
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 0
Oh, foolish me, Husband of Entitled Parent here logging on again. The note was obviously intended for people going door-to-door peddling their religion, which we obviously didn’t want, as if the note didn’t make that clear. Why? Because they came to our door often, in the middle of the day, waking our baby. We weren’t crazy about it, and they would buzz multiple times. Talk about passive aggressive!
Ed McMahon too, that bastard can suck it!
Also thanks for the parenting advice. Hmm, colic. Never thought of that one! Please send me more great, free useless tips!
Aug 22, 2008 at 11:23 pm rating: 0
Here’s a tip for ya…disconnect the buzzer and keep an eye out for delivery persons. You can track your packages on-line and find out which day to expect delivery.
That way baby sleeps even on delivery day.
Question: Why would you have to think of colic? Did you make-up the yarn about acid reflux? Hmm.
Aug 23, 2008 at 12:30 am rating: 3
Wow, what a waste the past 5 minutes have been reading all these comments. I am beyond thankful that I live in the real world and not in the brainless, tasteless, self-centered, hell hole called Park Slope, Brooklyn.
You people take life and yourselves WAAAAAY too seriously. I would love to see half of you idiots live a day with an infant, especially one that has trouble sleeping. That’s why the majority of you who actually have children also have nannies to raise your children. You people are disgusting.
It was a sign… and a funny one at that and just an attempt to prevent repeat buzzers. I love how someone called it a “nasty note”… What was “nasty” about it? It’s sad to think how much time was spent by some of you (Cathy B, morpho aurora) being as “nasty” and hateful as you can be. Is this what you people do for fun?… look for discussion board sites and find people to attack? Wow, what a life!?!?
I think I’ve just about wasted as much time as I can reading and responding to you all. Have fun spending the next 10 hours responding to this comment and picking apart every syllable.
Entitled Parents… unsolicited advice coming your way… GET THE HELL OUT OF PARK SLOPE…. like TODAY!!! And don’t waste your time posting stuff to sites like this where petaphiles and yuppies live to tear people apart. There are much better things to do with your time… like MOVE!!!
Aug 23, 2008 at 10:12 am rating: 0
Anyone actually taking anything seriously here? Are you joking?
Aug 23, 2008 at 10:21 am rating: 0
petaphile: someone who really really really likes PETA.
Like Pam Anderson!
Aug 23, 2008 at 10:59 am rating: 3
You read my fucking mind, Mishee! I was just thinking about how much flakier being involved with PETA makes Pam Anderson earlier today!
She’ll never tell anyone this ‘cuz it’ll ruin her flaky eco-groovy street cred, but Pam uses the blood of young puppies to help set her ten pounds of makeup every morning. Maybe PETA should just stick with being buds with Sir Paul McCartney?
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:14 am rating: 0
Stella too. She won’t even make her adidas line out of anything made with leather!
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: 0
Why is it that celebrities are allowed to do flaky things like joining PETA or becoming Scientologists without becoming jobless social outcasts? WTF?
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: 1
We wouldn’t last half a day with an infant, no shit? Does living with an infant and a toddler in a studio in f-ing RUSSIA on $200/month count? Oh and we had no disposable diapers and no washing machine. Try that for a couple hours. Also, what is this “nanny” thing you speak of? You new parents are so cute, you think you’re the first people to ever have kids. Good job! Wanna sticker? I can throw in a smiley face at no extra charge.
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: 2
I’m so confused!
Wait, am I supposed to be living in Park Slope now?
I definitely don’t have a nanny.
And I see poor CB’s had another gender reassignment surgery. Sad.
Aug 23, 2008 at 12:53 pm rating: 2
Yeah, that Cathy B is just too spiteful! Fuck that bitch! She sucks.
Aug 23, 2008 at 1:01 pm rating: 0
What will happen to the CB Harem?? I never even got to join.
Aug 23, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: 0
I’d just like to say:
Ng, buy a fucking vowel.
Aug 23, 2008 at 4:43 pm rating: 0
Oh that Cathy_B, when she showed up at the cotillion with her perma-sneer all the debs began shaking in their Manolo Blahniks. She was the queen bitch of Travis County and it was their day of reckoning.
Aug 24, 2008 at 12:45 pm rating: 0
Ng, you are my new hero! Just so you know, SHE didn’t post it. Somone took a picture & posted it to show…IDK….whatever they were trying to say.
Aug 24, 2008 at 11:30 pm rating: 0
The woman who posted that sign is intelligent, clever, multi-faceted, sleep-deprived, loving, and obviously possessed of a lovely sense of humor.
You are obnoxious.
Aug 23, 2008 at 12:33 pm rating: 1
Sometimes I wish there were a “thumbs down” rating that I could click…
Aug 23, 2008 at 3:53 pm rating: 5
Secretly Passive Aggresive
Team Thumbs Down!
Aug 25, 2008 at 9:47 am rating: 0
Wouldn’t it be easier to teach the baby to sleep through everyday noises?
Aug 23, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: 2
Most “normal” babies learn that naturally.
Our apartment was two doors down from a commuter railroad. The girls learned to sleep through passing trains just fine.
By the same token, I once tried to sneak past the nursery on my way to the beer machine refrigerator and stepped on a squeaking floor board that woke my daughter up. Go figure! You deal with it.
Aug 23, 2008 at 5:03 pm rating: 2
whenever i see the word “unitard”, which frequently adorns the comments, i always initially think of a special needs kid with a horn.
Aug 23, 2008 at 2:42 pm rating: 2
Riding a one wheeled conveyance.
Aug 24, 2008 at 12:30 pm rating: 0
Parents: You are taking this site entirely too seriously. We exist to make fun of p/a notes. We tear these notes apart and attack all the odd phrases, misspellings, and poor use of grammar.
It’s an odd hobby, but pretty harmless. The notes are/were posted in public for all to see.
Your note, while heartfelt, was definitely p/a. While I sympathize with your predicament, the easy way to handle it is to disconnect the buzzer so you won’t be disturbed. The p/a way to handle it is to put up a note that attracts attention from everybody.
Aug 23, 2008 at 3:28 pm rating: 7
That may be your intention, but calling a person’s baby a demon, devil child, whatever is just plain rude & insulting. So, it’s not “harmless”.
Aug 24, 2008 at 11:26 pm rating: 0
Most people here use their imagination and don’t mean the comment literally.
But that seems a bit beyond your scope of understanding, Laura88.
Aug 24, 2008 at 11:33 pm rating: 1
I somehow feel like if she really cared, she would have been able to make that note rhyme.
Aug 23, 2008 at 10:59 pm rating: 2
remember, she’s sleep deprived (and a bit crazy and entitled and “funny”) – it rhymed in her head…
Aug 24, 2008 at 4:53 pm rating: 0
I love how everyone’s going off with their little comedy bits on this thread. You guys are all little Lenny Bruces and Richard Pryors. Bravo, kids. Really HI-larious. Please, stop wasting your time leaving comments on blogs and write for Hollywood, already. Seriously.
As for me, my kid’s been sleeping through the night since two months, and I feel truly sorry for what that couple’s going through. I know them, and they are awesome, smart, funnier than all of you, totally sleep-deprived, and a little stir-crazy.
Oh, and for those “get over it” parents: in case you didn’t realize, that couple wasn’t trying to get in a pissing match with you over who had a worse time with their baby. All they did was post a sign on their door so that they could get some sleep.
But don’t worry, you won’t get into that with me – my kid’s perfect. I don’t have anything to complain about. Your kids are WAY more screwed up. You win. Happy?
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:34 pm rating: 0
They even come with excellent character references!!
These people are awesome and we have no right to make fun of a note which was posted on a site whose main purpose is to make snarky comments about notes, signs and the people who post them.
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:43 pm rating: 1
Have you read Claw’s posts? I’ve finally learned to stop drinking coffee when I start to read on of his yarns but I swear he makes me wet myself once or twice a week. He rocks.
Aug 24, 2008 at 10:20 am rating: 0
I know, Ellen. Isn’t he so funny?
You sound familiar, Ellen. I don’t suppose we’ve met before? Maybe in a hallway somewhere?
Aug 24, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: 0
Secretly Passive Aggresive
I regularly come here for claw, runbarbara, mishee, canthz B, Troy McClure, aaa among others. Their humor never ceases to make me blurt out with laughter or have my drink come out of my nose. I think anyone that is offended by the comments that are made is probably someone that writes the kind of notes that get ridiculed here.
Aug 25, 2008 at 2:52 pm rating: 0
claw makes me wet myself too, but probably in a different way than what you mean…
Aug 25, 2008 at 3:02 pm rating: 0
Dude, there’s calling people out on their shit and then there’s being nasty. There’s a lot of nasty around here.
Also, “making fun” would imply that the poster intended the comments to be funny. I know funny. Most of these comments were kinda lame.
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:47 pm rating: 0
Most of these comments are always lame.
Haven’t you read any other thread than this one?
I can’t say that I know funny, though. I can only say what I find funny to me.
It also helps to know something about the poster’s sense of humor before judging whether they were being snarky as usual or were out of character, as it were. This is a web site. Not everything said here, almost nothing in fact, is said from the heart.
Aug 23, 2008 at 11:59 pm rating: 0
I understand that these people are your friends and all, but if you read back to other threads where the person that wrote the note shows up here when their note does, they rarely get a warm pat on the back.
There’s nothing personal, but showing up to talk about your note seems to cause a feeding frenzy.
If a note of mine were posted here I wouldn’t let anyone know it was mine!
Aug 24, 2008 at 12:10 am rating: 0
I may be a bit of a newby here, but it seems to me that the funnier the note, the funnier the comments. This note that basically says, “unless you’re offering me lots of money, leave me alone, and keep your god to yourself” didn’t strike me, or most of these good people as funny. So the comments in kind have lacked in the humor department. Also, I think cursing people falls under the nasty category.
Aug 24, 2008 at 5:41 am rating: 1
Lame?… 21.6 was pure genius IMO.
But seriously, this site as I see it is just part of proof that for every action there is a reaction. If you expose yourself and/or your life to the world in a not-so-nice way, expect the world to sneer, ’cause that’s what the world does. Imagine, while that note was up on the door, what random passers-by had to say about it. The more mellow version of those comments is what you ended up seeing on this site. But hey, if it teaches one person to play nice and be upfront with people instead of writing nasty notes, it might be all worth it? I for one know I won’t be writing any notes for quite a while!
Aug 24, 2008 at 9:37 am rating: 2
It’s not the content of the note that’s funny. It’s the execution.
It’s another case of someone trying to be bitingly witty and smart, and failing miserably. If the sign just said something like, “Please don’t buzz unless we’re expecting you; the baby has trouble sleeping,” I guarantee you the note wouldn’t be posted here, and if it was nobody would comment on it.
Aug 24, 2008 at 7:14 pm rating: 3
I don’t know this for a fact, maybe someone here works for or knows someone who works for USPS, UPS, FEDEX, etc.
I would think that they would be trained to ring more than once rather than to buzz and run not giving you time to get to the door.
Haven’t pretty much all of us thought we heard the doorbell and waited to see if it rang again before going to the door? Like you’re in the kitchen running water and thought you heard the doorbell? I know I have.
If anyone knows, I’m curious now.
Aug 24, 2008 at 12:36 am rating: 1
I’m a SAHM with a big picture window out front, I don’t quite know what is “protocol” but it depends on a couple of things. I can see my mailman (his name is Bob) coming up my walk and not be able to get to the door before he puts the package down, rings the bell and turns around. The UPS man will open my storm door and put the package in there for me before ringing the bell (I signed the form a couple years back that says they can leave things for me in a safe location). The only people who wait are FedEx or USPS with insured/signature confirmation packages. Bob and FedEx Guy have to fill out a sticky note before they leave.
Aug 24, 2008 at 5:03 pm rating: 0
I asked because when my late-wife was sick at home the UPS guy delivering her injectable medications left before she could get to the door.
She was on her way, but just couldn’t move too fast at that point.
I had to call them back and demand that they send someone back ASAP because the meds were perishable.
Where I am now (a multi-unit building) I’ve seen the FedEx guy walk up with 3 or 4 stickers in his hand and walk away in less than a minute. I think he rings the bells, waits for a response for a sec or two, places stickers and leaves. He doesn’t even have packages, just stickers. I suppose if someone answers he goes back to the truck for their package.
PS: it took me a sec to figure out SAHM = stay at home mom! LOL
Aug 24, 2008 at 5:19 pm rating: 0
The old Federal Express protocol was “ring, rap, drop” — ring the doorbell, knock on the door, leave the package. I’m sure there was a lot of confusion with the whole “rap” portion, though, so they had to tweak it a bit.
Aug 24, 2008 at 9:35 pm rating: 0
What these folks really should have done when the JW’s show up is to let them in the house, and make them babysit while they caught up on their sleep. I would bet that would be more effective than the note, and almost as effective as answering the door naked while holding a roll of toilet paper and saying “you got here just in time!”
Aug 24, 2008 at 1:23 am rating: 1
I’ve found that opening the door holding a screaming baby is a pretty effective way to get rid of JW’s and salesmen too.
Aug 24, 2008 at 7:34 am rating: 1
Reading this would make me WANT to buzz that person. In fact, I might even change the way I walk to work in order to buzz them every day.
Sorry. People need to calm down. Leaving letters just makes other people think you’re crazy.
Aug 24, 2008 at 2:13 pm rating: 1
You’ve come to a buzzer panel in front of an apartment building. To the left of you, there is an empty barrel. To the right of you, there is an old man sitting on a chair. Do you…
Look inside the barrel? (turn to page 79)
Ask the old man if he’s seen the cosmic peach? (turn to page 4)
Press the buzzer four or five times? (turn to page 23)
Aug 24, 2008 at 8:27 pm rating: 3
Press the buzzer once, and hold it for four or five minutes? (turn to page 57)
Aug 24, 2008 at 8:36 pm rating: 1
— The Beast Among Us
2011: The Top Notes of the Year
2010: The Funniest Notes of the Year
2009: The Best Notes of the Year
2008: Your Favorite Notes of the Year
Carnivores: keep being awesome!
actually totally reasonable
a little patronizing
clip art catastrophe
flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens
landlords and property managers
Moms & Dads
more aggressive than passive
most popular notes of 2010
most popular notes of 2011
most popular notes of 2012
most popular notes of 2013
now that's management
sex sex sex
signed with love
spelling and grammar police
thanks (but not really)
unnecessary "quotation marks"
You call that punctuation?