despite the logo on this breakroom note, nikki in fresno doesn’t work at starbucks. (she just wishes she does.)
related: be curtius
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203 responses so far ↓
#1
agirlie
Maybe the amount of overtime required to make the company grow so rapidly has made everyone consume more coffee thereby increasing need for creamer and sugar.
Besides-if they are pissed at Esp. Deborah for using creamer in her oatmeal, they should approach her directly! Who the ef eats oatmeal at work?????
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:24 pm rating: +2
#2
Canthz_B
I thought all creamer/sugar Nazis were into bondage. Apparently not.
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: +2
#3
Stitchin-Liz
I agree, how DARE they use creamer for anything other than beverages! And only one creamer per coffee you greedy bastards!
And only one napkin/paper towel! And stop using the spoons/forks, we didn’t put them out there for you to use!
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:29 pm rating: +8
#4
claw71
I got your creamer right here.
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:31 pm rating: +29
#5
anglophile
So now I’m being discriminated against at the workplace because I was born preferring oatmeal instead of coffee?
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:36 pm rating: +14
#6
secondsout
You run out, you run out. Fuck it! If people want creamer and there isn’t any, they’ll bring some from home.
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:37 pm rating: +10
#7
secondsout
The official sugar ration is one spoonful per employee per day. If you consume more than your ration, you will drive the company out of business. You wouldn’t want that, would you?
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:38 pm rating: +7
#8
Canthz_B
“You’ll have your coffee the way I have mine – one sugar, one creamer – and like it!”
- Cruella DeVille
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:39 pm rating: +12
#9
Canthz_B
If we run out of creamer and sugar my hands are tied, I’m fitted with a ball gag and I’m whipped with a cat-o-nine tails by Juan Valdez!
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:42 pm rating: +3
#10
Wade
I wonder if Candy the Silly Slut is turning tricks there. It might explain the disappearance of the brown sugar.
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:44 pm rating: +7
#11
Mishee
What this company needs is to go public. That’s where the money and the spoiled employees go.
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:45 pm rating: 0
#12
Canthz_B
If I found this note in the workplace, I’d seriously worry about job security. If they can’t find six bucks in petty cash for CoffeeMate® and sugar this place must have a devil of a time paying the utility bills!
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:47 pm rating: +13
#13
unholyghost2003
easy solution: switch to powdered creamer. No one will be mixing that nasty shit into their oatmeal.
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:49 pm rating: +5
#14
Wade
Wait a minute!
Based on the last sentence, shouldn’t the note be titled:
ATTENTION ALL OATMEAL CREAMERS!
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:53 pm rating: +4
#15
RunBarbara
when i was in middle school my teachers use to make us play Oregon Trail. i never understood why i had to learn how to travel in a covered wagon across the early Americas but i played along, mostly because i couldnt wait to hunt. i didnt give a shit if Jebediah got cholera or if my oxen broke their yoke, i wanted to travel to the open lands where i could hunt for a few minutes. im sure other kids felt the same way. i never learned to ration our food, i just let everyone eat to their heart’s content and then i killed another bear. i didnt learn the value of portions or savoring, and as a result i bet the inside of that virtual wagon smelled like claw’s mom’s panties on a warm day.
anyway, maybe if nikki’s coworkers had played a better game of Oregon Trail, they could better ration their cream. or they could kill a bear and put that in their oatmeal.
Aug 26, 2008 at 7:05 pm rating: +27
#16
Robbie
Memo – Part Two
It has been brought to my attention that people are using three squares of toilet paper. Please remember that is company policy that it’s two squares per visit.
If this problem persists, employees will soon be required to acquire the two squares from me personally.
Aug 26, 2008 at 7:15 pm rating: +9
#17
ssb
that powder creamer stuff is disgusting – nobody should be using it.
Aug 26, 2008 at 7:23 pm rating: 0
#18
Miss Unloop
Isn’t non-dairy creamer a mild explosive?
Aug 26, 2008 at 7:37 pm rating: +1
#19
amy d
The sultry packet of Imperial Sugar sashayed her way across the counter, causing the naive Nestle’s packet to cream himself.
Aug 26, 2008 at 7:43 pm rating: +15
#20
jessie
If you drink your oatmeal then can you use creamer for it?
Aug 26, 2008 at 7:43 pm rating: +2
#21
Miss Unloop
9:25 am – I shuffle into the kitchen for my first cuppa joe for the day. Nothing gets me going (if you know what I mean) like a nice, hot cup of blonde coffee. Then it’s off to the john for 10 minutes worth of… quality time to myself. Might even make a phone call or two while I’m in there.
9:26 am – After pouring a styrofoam cupful of java, I reach for my beloved Royal Cup non-dairy creamer (I’m watching my figure – hey, somebody’s got to!). What issues from the spout is pathetic – I’ve seen more white flaky bits on the shoulders of my boss’s suit jacket. I search under the sink for a fresh container, but instead am greeted by nothing more than an unopened box of decaf and a smattering of regular packets. My mind is racing – how can we run out of creamer even before we run out of coffee? I decide to mount my own investigation.
9:45 am – From my hiding place beside the drink machine, I see Deborah walk up to the counter, brown packet in hand. She empties the contents into a plastic bowl, the cleanliness of which is highly questionable. After giving the room a quick once-over, I observe her pulling out a container of non-dairy creamer, which had been cleverly concealed inside her unitard. I watch her pour, and pour, and POUR. She returns the creamer to its hiding place, relaxes, and tops off the mixture with some hot water from the brewer. A stir and a flourish later, she returns to her desk, apparently completely satisfied for the moment. Damn her.
Aug 26, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: +19
#22
se
Is this the same office where the fax machine walks around? maybe they’re snorting the “creamer”.
Aug 26, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: +2
#23
Mishee
Truthfully I just kinda feel sorry for Nikki…
I mean… she lives in Fresno
Blech!
Aug 26, 2008 at 8:26 pm rating: +3
#24
RandyinReno
Wait, I used to live in Fresno… I’ve already been punished.
Aug 26, 2008 at 8:50 pm rating: 0
#25
Miss Unloop
It’s not so much the oatmeal creamers that concern me; it’s the spinach creamers that I’m worried about.
Aug 26, 2008 at 9:01 pm rating: 0
#26
Miss Unloop
I definitely give this note a thumbs-up for the clip art – I can’t help but get excited every time I see that dirty, slutty, spread-tailed Starbucks siren!
Aug 26, 2008 at 9:22 pm rating: +4
#27
raiseyourglass
Respect thats all we all want. no creamer for you
Aug 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: 0
#28
Marie
Has it occurred to anyone that the reason the creamer and sugar are disappearing is because people are stealing it????
Duh.
Aug 26, 2008 at 11:11 pm rating: 0
#29
Canthz_B
Break room is out of creamer again.
I don’t think that I can take it,
I tried black, but I can’t fake it,
So I’ll never have my Nescafé again!
Aug 27, 2008 at 12:47 am rating: +4
#30
ADayInTheLife
A day in the life of an ADD attention whore:
6:15 PM – return from day of sitting in the welfare line waiting for money
6:27, 6:39, 6:42, 6:47 PM – post multiple times on PA notes to hear the sound of own voice and thrill the 5 or 6 little girls who have nothing better to do
6:50 PM pass out from beer and crack
10:15 PM wake up suddenly from stupor
10:16, 10:18, 10:21 PM – post random stream-of-consciousness thoughts as they occur – none of which are interesting or funny
11:36 PM – peel face from keyboard after relapse to post on final note – fall down drunk in main hallway until 3 AM then arise and post some complete gibberish until meds FINALLY kick in.
Every single fucking night. How long can you keep this up? Yes, you know who you are. Sadly, so does everyone else. Even MORE sadly – half of them seem to think this is acceptable behaviour.
Let me tell you: it’s not. That is all.
Ed. Note: tonight there was a sudden burst of energy at 12:47. Just a minor blip and will be corrected, I feel. Hardly even worth noting, but still…
Aug 27, 2008 at 12:47 am rating: +2
#31
ellemarie
mm, pointless post.
Aug 27, 2008 at 1:06 am rating: 0
#32
beesnest
That note would make me angry enough to use even MORE creamer. And I’d keep my own sugar at my desk, thank-you-very-much, and make sure the boss noticed how I was a team player while I secretly suck the creamer dry.
Aug 27, 2008 at 2:56 am rating: 0
#33
ellemarie
“CREAMER IS NOT FOR THIS PURPOSE.”
Yeah, well, apparently neither is the backyard, but ya can’t have such high expectations during gay mardi gras…
Aug 27, 2008 at 3:19 am rating: +3
#34
Canthz_B
It must be Hell working under someone who aspires to become the manager of a Starbucks Coffee franchise.
Aug 27, 2008 at 5:54 am rating: 0
#35
claw71
You know, I’m not what you might call a “smart” “guy” but I do have moments of brilliance. A few years ago, when I saw my first Starbucks kiosk inside of my favorite Starbucks coffee shop, I realized that the company was on a hot streak so I invested my savings into it and decided to let it ride.
As you can imagine, Starbucks recent struggles have devestated my portfolio. I had to sell my daughter’s braces for scrap and I’m leasing my wife out to over-the-road truckers to make ends meet. Why? How could a company with such a bullet proof business plan fall on hard times?
Then I see this misapropriation of a trademarked logo. I thought it was a corporate memo from Starbucks…and I even read the preface! (Like I said, I’m not what you ‘d call a smart guy) Surely this leaked out to shareholders a few months ago and caused panic. I could hear Jim Cramer now: SELL! SELL! SELL! THESE CLOWNS CAN’T EVEN LEVERAGE CREAMER! SELL! I say I could hear him, but I can’t because I had to sell my eardrums on the black market.
I’m sure the note writer didn’t intend to ruin my life but that’s little consolation to my 13 year-old son who is at the Sheraton “entertaining” some Japanese business men right now. Thanks.
Aug 27, 2008 at 8:41 am rating: +9
#36
Goldie
Great idea, Claw. My 13yo is looking for a job right now. He tried to apply at Starbucks but apparently he’s too young to work there. I’ll tell him to check the local Sheraton. Thanks for the lead!
Aug 27, 2008 at 9:26 am rating: 0
#37
Targetted Individual v2s
I drink coffee out of my Mother’s vagina.
Her corpse is upside down, fresh coffee poured in daily – how it is kept warm is a mystery.
Aug 27, 2008 at 10:09 am rating: 0
#38
thirty six red
Can’t beat breast milk. DE-LISH!
Aug 27, 2008 at 10:17 am rating: 0
#39
Holiday Djinn
Creamer? Heck, I barely knew her. . . .
Aug 27, 2008 at 12:25 pm rating: +1
#40
Laura
This reminds me of when my junior high put the kibosh on ketchup abuse had a cafeteria lady stand at the condiment table to enforce the new one-pump policy. We were outraged.
And that was a public school.
Aug 27, 2008 at 12:53 pm rating: +1
#41
Lurker
Vive la deference!
Aug 27, 2008 at 2:41 pm rating: 0
#42
jennipurrr
I keep waiting for a PAN to be directed at me in my workplace. I do use creamer in my oatmeal (wtf is the problem with that anyway?), but that is not the infraction I expect to be lambasted over.
I soak my bowl to get the gunk off and half the time when I go a few hours later to put it in the dishwasher, it’s already been taken care of (please note we have no dish cloths or scrubbers in our kitchen; an odd oversight or perhaps there was an incident in the past).
I’m almost tempted to post a note that says, ‘let sleeping bowls lie.’ Would that be PA or just helpful?
Aug 27, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: +1
#43
glastonberry
Nothing like Zapf Chancery (italic, no less) to get your point across. Unfortunately the point you get across is that you’re a pretentious dweeb with a really old mac.
Aug 27, 2008 at 6:06 pm rating: +2
#44
The Nerd
Yeah, it’s aggressive (and annoying), but it’s not passive. I think we should keep active-aggressive notes on their own blog.
Aug 28, 2008 at 10:37 am rating: 0
#45 Community Guy, Jake McKee - Focusing on the wrong things.
[...] never ceases to amaze me how much time is wasted on pointless, silly issues in offices. Imagine if the same time used to develop this sign was put into figuring out how to increase [...]
Sep 11, 2008 at 9:06 am rating: 0
#46
Devlin85
What a bitch.. And if the company has rapid growth, of course there will be more expenses, this person sounds pretty stupid.
Sep 22, 2008 at 5:36 pm rating: 0
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