french roast black, with a dash of deference

August 26th, 2008 · 203 comments

despite the logo on this breakroom note, nikki in fresno doesn’t work at starbucks. (she just wishes she does.)

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FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · california · fresno · highlighter · ital overkill · money · office · overzealous secretary · starbucks

203 responses so far ↓

#1 agirlie

Maybe the amount of overtime required to make the company grow so rapidly has made everyone consume more coffee thereby increasing need for creamer and sugar.

Besides-if they are pissed at Esp. Deborah for using creamer in her oatmeal, they should approach her directly! Who the ef eats oatmeal at work?????

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:24 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #1.1 Eric B.
  
  My boss eats oatmeal at work all the time. What’s worse, he doesn’t even prepare it here. He makes it at home, drives to work with the bowl and spoon in the front seat, then wanders around the department eating it.
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:04 pm rating: +16
- #1.2 Miss Unloop
  
  Actually, I used to work with a woman named Deborah who would eat oatmeal at work, and then leave the bowl in the sink with the residual oat-and-slime mixture, and never run water in it. As I work the evening shift, by the time I came in it had always hardened to a rather unattractive, textured crust. I used to clean it out every night before I left to keep the kitchen area tidy, but soon tired of it and went on “dish strike”.
  
  She quit soon thereafter.
  
  I don’t think she used creamer, though.
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:11 pm rating: +4
- #1.3 Miss Unloop
  
  “Besides-if they are pissed at Esp. Deborah for using creamer in her oatmeal, they should approach her directly! Who the ef eats oatmeal at work?????”
  
  Well, then it wouldn’t be passive-aggressive, now, would it?
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: 0
- #1.4 Claire
  
  OMG!!! Starbucks is into bondage??? “Once we are out of products my hands are tied” ??? Evidently, I have been going to the WRONG Starbucks?
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 11:13 pm rating: +4
- #1.5 Red Letterboxer
  
  “Who the ef eats oatmeal at work?????”
  
  I generally read PAN as I start my day at the office - and I was enjoying a bowl of shredded wheat at my desk as I read this! Granted, it’s not oatmeal, but I think the principle is the same.
  
  I do have a coworker that sometimes makes oatmeal in the mornings in the breakroom microwave. At least it’s not instant grits.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 9:14 am rating: +1
- #1.6 gwennie
  
  To all oatmeal-users (especially southside-office):
  
  Plz don’t burn creamer in the microwave. It effin’ stinks!
  
  Thx
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 9:25 am rating: +3
- #1.7 class-factotum
  
  I used to go to the gym before work, then shower, change and go straight to the office rather than going home in between. (The gym was two blocks from work, home was 13 miles.) I didn’t want to eat breakfast at 5:30 a.m., so would make oatmeal once I got to work. I didn’t use the company creamer, but I did use the company milk, which I think was fair — I never drank the coffee, so it wasn’t like I was consuming more than my fair share of the free stuff. I washed my dishes immediately and put them back in my desk.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 9:36 am rating: 0
- #1.8 Mishee
  
  Did you remember to spay for NATS?
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 9:40 am rating: +1
- #1.9 anglophile
  
  *is enjoying a delicious bowl of home-made, not-from-scratch oatmeal with apples, pecans and brown sugar while at work right now*
  
  Working at an Inn has a few perks. All this oatmeal talk made me hungry for some, and lo and behold the cook made some for breakfast this morning. Perfect timing!
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: +2
- #1.10 agirlie
  
  I hope the office oatmeal eaters also brought their toothbrushes. Ick…..what’s wrong with a little pre-prepared snack like a breakfast bar or even those oatmeal bars?
  
  **shudders**
  
  I must be having oatmeal flashbacks!
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 10:21 am rating: 0
- #1.11 Goldie
  
  Yeah, seriously, ick. What’s wrong with a pre-prepared snack bar for breakfast, hamburger for lunch, pizza for dinner and delicious potato chips in between? O wait, I weigh four hundred pounds and I’m about to have a coronary, how’d this happen?
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 10:42 am rating: +10
- #1.12 anglophile
  
  Oh, I see what it is, agirlie. You’re one of those oatophobes.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 11:04 am rating: +2
- #1.13 Alicia
  
  I used to eat oatmeal at work. We had a water cooler that also had the water heat feature. It was easy to keep the packets in my desk and use that for a quick breakfast.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 2:16 pm rating: +1
- #1.14 bobby
  
  i eat oatmeal at work. the other option is to by an 8 dollar chicken sandwich downstairs that is not worth $8. It’s cheap and fast and lowers your cholesteral.
  
  Sep 3, 2008 at 9:40 am rating: +1
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#2 Canthz_B

I thought all creamer/sugar Nazis were into bondage. Apparently not.

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #2.1 secondsout
  
  His hands are tied. To what, I’m not sure. Perhaps the filing cabinet, while his legs are shackled to the fax machine.
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 6:40 pm rating: +4
- #2.2 RunBarbara
  
  its really so easy to turn a standard office chair into a rack. all you need are a few rolls of scotch tape, some thumb tacks and a three hole puncher.
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:00 pm rating: +16
- #2.3 Mishee
  
  “rack”
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:02 pm rating: +2
- #2.4 Timo
  
  Hot coffee and bound hands… What kind of office is this anyway!?!?
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:10 pm rating: +4
- #2.5 RunBarbara
  
  the kind im sending my resume to right….now
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:12 pm rating: +19
- #2.6 Timo
  
  …Binder clips on nipples and hot toner across taut stomaches!
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:17 pm rating: +7
- #2.7 RunBarbara
  
  holy crap, timo- are you spying on me?
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:19 pm rating: +3
- #2.8 Mishee
  
  No I sent him pics from the last time you and I got together.
  
  Remember the board meeting??
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: +3
- #2.9 Timo
  
  security cameras are fun!
  *whew…fans self*
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:30 pm rating: +2
- #2.10 Claire
  
  Not only am I working for the wrong company, but obviously I selected the wrong career! Who knew that working in Starbucks “behind the scenes” could be so fun and rewarding?
  
  “Oh, please, Mistress Latte, may I have another?”
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 11:18 pm rating: +3
- #2.11 Claire
  
  It is my understanding that such office sadists will only play with the employees who use company creamer and sugar in oatmeal….Now from Quaker Oats…Instant Masochism and Cream Oatmeal (forget the fruit flavors)
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 11:44 pm rating: +3
- #2.12 djr
  
  Hmm.. And I thought my delivering packages all day was innuendo enough.
  
  I had no idea a three hole punch had such valuable qualities.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 1:10 pm rating: +1
- #2.13 Claire
  
  LOL, djr! I never knew asking the hottie delivery guy, “Do you have a package there for me?” was such an innuendo! I am beginning to enjoy work!
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 6:29 pm rating: 0
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#3 Stitchin-Liz

I agree, how DARE they use creamer for anything other than beverages! And only one creamer per coffee you greedy bastards!
And only one napkin/paper towel! And stop using the spoons/forks, we didn’t put them out there for you to use!

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:29 pm rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #3.1 glastonberry
  
  Al Gore …. ah, never mind.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 5:53 pm rating: +2
- #3.2 jw
  
  This sign looks like something that would be put up at our work place. The plastic silverware here is kept under the front desk because we were all using it and it wasn’t there for the staff usage. Not sure why we have it then. They also don’t buy creamer for the coffee and keep a count of the coffee packages and have a melt down if it seems like they are going down too fast. Although they just assume that if something is disappearing that the staff is stealing it. Yes I always wanted plastic silverware and coffee packets.
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 9:48 am rating: 0
- #3.3 Hizzeather
  
  I eat oatmeal all the time, but I never thought to add creamer. Thanks for the great idea!
  
  Sep 10, 2008 at 11:34 am rating: +1
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#4 claw71

I got your creamer right here.

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:31 pm rating: +29

reply to this comment
- #4.1 Claire
  
  Hubba hubba, Claw71! I KNEW we could count upon you to come through….
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 11:19 pm rating: 0
- #4.2 Holiday Djinn
  
  Do you have to charge extra?
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 8:51 am rating: 0
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#5 anglophile

So now I’m being discriminated against at the workplace because I was born preferring oatmeal instead of coffee?

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:36 pm rating: +14

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Claire
  
  And oatmeal with creamer is so fucking delicious…wait…has someone already said that?
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 11:21 pm rating: +2
- #5.2 RunBarbara
  
  No, everyone feared whats about to happen to you….
  Its Unitard Time!
  *hands Claire the unitard *
  I think Falcon wore it last, so just shake it out. Enjoy your four hours.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 10:40 am rating: +1
- #5.3 Timo
  
  I don’t know it looked like it was standing in the corner on it’s own accord. It might need the barnacles scraped out of it first.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 5:04 pm rating: 0
- #5.4 Claire
  
  Unitard time…joy…though it seems to have taken on a life of its own now….
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 6:30 pm rating: 0
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#6 secondsout

You run out, you run out. Fuck it! If people want creamer and there isn’t any, they’ll bring some from home.

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:37 pm rating: +10

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#7 secondsout

The official sugar ration is one spoonful per employee per day. If you consume more than your ration, you will drive the company out of business. You wouldn’t want that, would you?

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:38 pm rating: +7

reply to this comment
#8 Canthz_B

“You’ll have your coffee the way I have mine - one sugar, one creamer - and like it!”

- Cruella DeVille

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:39 pm rating: +12

reply to this comment
- #8.1 Xtroll
  
  I like my coffee like I like my women,
  
  HOT AND BLACK!!!
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 9:13 pm rating: +3
- #8.2 Canthz_B
  
  Hot, dark and sweet, but I like to put cream in mine.
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 10:18 pm rating: +15
- #8.3 Claire
  
  I like my coffee like I love my men…bitter and murky and hot!
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: +6
- #8.4 Canthz_B
  
  Bitter lovin’ is sweet!
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 11:36 pm rating: +1
- #8.5 Claire
  
  You betcha!
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 11:39 pm rating: 0
- #8.6 jackie31337
  
  I like my coffee like I like my women… ground up in the refrigerator. (Blatantly stolen from that guy on slashdot)
  
  But seriously, I do like my coffee like I like my men: pale and sweet.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 3:12 am rating: +3
- #8.7 GhostWriter
  
  I like my coffee like I like my women: two with one cup.
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 9:26 am rating: +7
- #8.8 Goldie
  
  Does this rule always apply? Because then it means I like my men weak, lukewarm and easily found in my office. Should I worry?
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: +6
- #8.9 jennipurrr
  
  Ew, Ghost - I was hoping I’d never have to think of that video again.
  
  *scrubs own brain with bleach*
  
  Aug 27, 2008 at 2:56 pm rating: 0
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#9 Canthz_B

If we run out of creamer and sugar my hands are tied, I’m fitted with a ball gag and I’m whipped with a cat-o-nine tails by Juan Valdez!

Aug 26, 2008 at 6:42 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #9.1 Wade
  
  The budget is a stern mistress.
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 6:48 pm rating: +12
- #9.2 Timo
  
  Those finance girls, plying their trade in red ink and leather. Spreadsheets take on a whole different meaning.
  
  “No Mistress I forgot to get a receipt.”
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:23 pm rating: +7
- #9.3 Mishee
  
  Why do you think I made my career in Finance?
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:25 pm rating: +1
- #9.4 RunBarbara
  
  three dollars in nickles stuffed into a g-string isnt a career.
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:27 pm rating: +20
- #9.5 Miss Unloop
  
  Sorry about the nickels, Mishee - I didn’t have time to stop at CoinStar.
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:42 pm rating: +2
- #9.6 Mishee
  
  That’s fine… I’ve got the perfect place to stash a roll of nickels…
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:45 pm rating: +5
- #9.7 Miss Unloop
  
  A stunt like that might earn you as much as a roll of quarters!
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:49 pm rating: +2
- #9.8 Mishee
  
  That would get me even more excited!
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 7:59 pm rating: +2
- #9.9 Timo
  
  The way she makes exact change is really amazing! There are girls in the PI that couldn’t do that!
  
  Aug 26, 2008 at 8:02 pm rating: +6
- #9.10

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

french roast black, with a dash of deference

August 26th, 2008 · 203 comments

203 responses so far ↓