please pick up your dirty laundry ASAP

August 28th, 2008 · 126 comments

says our anonymous facebook user in ottawa: “it’s exactly what it looks like.”

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FILED UNDER: ex drama · facebook · ottawa

126 responses so far ↓

#1 loislane24

damn… that sucks. If it were me, his stuff would be dumped all over the street, not packed up in the garage

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: +7

reply to this comment
- #1.1 katrina
  
  Iput pepper essential oil all over my ex’s underwear….after I’d sewed up the holes in his boxers…
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 3:19 pm rating: +1
- #1.2 Mishee
  
  don’t you know anything? it’s all about the tiger balm.
  
  That’s how the lead singer to Fishbone gets the “energy” up to do all those flips and bouncing around the stage like he does. (true story, that’s what he told my hubby when they were smoking a blunt together backstage one day)
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: +1
- #1.3 Miss Unloop
  
  Maybe I should try that - after smoking a blunt, I need all the energy I can get!
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 9:00 pm rating: 0
- #1.4 arugula
  
  Um, it says, “his” so HE was thoughtful enough to pack up HER crap after she apparently lied and cheated. She lied and cheated, right????
  
  Oct 25, 2008 at 3:19 pm rating: 0
- #1.5 amelia
  
  gender-specific much? or are you certain it’s a homosexual relationship being referenced… because a male wrote all that.
  
  ahem.
  
  “edited Looking For in his…”
  
  Nov 16, 2008 at 5:51 am rating: 0
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#2 amy d

I wonder if he/she is sick of the lying and cheating?

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:26 pm rating: +19

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- #2.1 Eric B.
  
  Yes, why the lying? Why can’t people stand and cheat for a change?
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 7:28 pm rating: +41
- #2.2 amy d
  
  Takes too much muscle mass for today’s wimpy youth.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 7:53 pm rating: +9
- #2.3 Claire
  
  I recall the opportunity I had to pack up the belongings of my lyin’ cheatin’ ex…I still wonder if he noticed that I had also dumped the contents of the cat’s litter box in with his suits, ties, and shirts…
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: +11
- #2.4 Claire
  
  Amy, I wonder if they ever really met…if the relationship was all really just cybersex and the stuff in the garage are just the printouts and steaming emails….
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:11 pm rating: +15
- #2.5 Timo
  
  Oh it is steaming something alright but not emails….
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:31 pm rating: +6
- #2.6 claw71
  
  After 6 days of marriage I’m so numb from boredom that I really don’t mind all the lying and the cheating. It’s the used condoms thrown carelessly around the house that bothers me.
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 8:46 am rating: +9
- #2.7 Numinous
  
  Well, then maybe you and your harem should learn to pick up after yourselves.
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 8:53 am rating: 0
- #2.8 Miss Unloop
  
  As long as they’re not filled with someone else’s creamer, you probably shouldn’t complain.
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 9:02 pm rating: +2
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#3 gambrinus

So did they actually break up with someone over Facebook, or did they just want to broadcast his/her dumped status to all their friends?

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:30 pm rating: 0

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- #3.1 Claire
  
  Perhaps he/she found out that the ex was really seeing someone on MySpace….
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:12 pm rating: +11
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#4 0falcon8

*****is Your stuff has accidentally spilled out of the garage, doused itself with lighter fluid and commited suicide via self immolation because you did not pick it up ASAP…sick of the lying and cheating…. 8:31pm

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:30 pm rating: +80

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#5 Canthz_B

My stuff can sit forever. I’d rush to the rescue if it were forced to stand in the garage.

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:32 pm rating: +1

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#6 secondsout

So is my stuff sick of the lying and cheating, or just the facebook addict?

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:34 pm rating: +4

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#7 0falcon8

Facebook: the new Jerry Springer

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:35 pm rating: +31

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#8 Canthz_B

If my stuff has been packed and is sitting in the garage I’m not the one who has been cheating!

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:35 pm rating: 0

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#9 secondsout

First it was Friendster, then that became passe. Then it was MySpace, which became the cool spot. Now it’s passe. Facebook is the spot for now, but for how long? Nostrasecondsoutus predicts that facebook will be passe in a year, and a new form of social networking / stalking / target for child predators / PAN goldmine will be in favor.

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:37 pm rating: +18

reply to this comment
- #9.1 T
  
  “Nostrasecondsoutus”
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 7:41 pm rating: +3
- #9.2 Claire
  
  Pardon me, Nostrasecondsoutus, but your name sounds like a sexually transmitted disease contracted by cheatin’ and lyin’ and getting some action from all the wrong people…Clarvoyancy is infectious, isn’t it?
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:16 pm rating: +14
- #9.3 Claire
  
  The next hot cyberspace social pit….LieAboutAttributesAndMeetSomeHotties…..
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:18 pm rating: +8
- #9.4 secondsout
  
  It’s nowhere near as painful as clairemydia.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:19 pm rating: +34
- #9.5 Claire
  
  ROTFLMAO!!! Touche, secondsout!
  
  Pst! Hand me the salve, please.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:26 pm rating: +2
- #9.6 aaa
  
  Does that mean I get to be a horrifying infectious agent? I mean, all really the bad STDs are just strings of three letters. Is this why I don’t have any friends and mothers pull their young children close when I walk past them?
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 9:55 pm rating: +2
- #9.7 Claire
  
  Or it could be because you keep exposing yourself to absolute strangers…..
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 10:57 pm rating: +1
- #9.8 Mishee
  
  absolut stranger exposure
  
  for some reason that sounds better…
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: +1
- #9.9 snee
  
  absolut stranger exposure?
  
  it does sound better. in fact, if sounds fuc–quite tasty.
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 12:02 am rating: +3
- #9.10 AuntyBron
  
  You expose strangers to vodka? I’m so there!
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 1:02 am rating: +2
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#10 JoelWhy

I’m betting they get back together to give it one more go at things…

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:40 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #10.1 Claire
  
  The healing can only take place,joelwhy, if they can add each other to their Friends List again…..
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:19 pm rating: +3
- #10.2 Xtroll
  
  Your not talking about someone you work with are you and the whole spoiled milk thing again?
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 9:11 pm rating: 0
- #10.3 Canthz_B
  
  Tonight on pet peeves run amok…
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 9:44 pm rating: +9
- #10.4 Sue Do Nim
  
  Your not kidding, CB.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 10:27 pm rating: +1
- #10.5 Canthz_B
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 12:32 am rating: 0
- #10.6 SarahBelle
  
  it wasn’t spoiled milk, it was breast milk!
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 12:47 pm rating: 0
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#11 smalvarado

I’m sick of lying down eating cheetos.

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:46 pm rating: +9

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#12 secondsout

Skip ahead a couple weeks and the updates read:

***** is missing getting laid.
***** is researching local escort services.
***** is still feeling sorry for himself.
***** is sick of the lying and cheating.

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:51 pm rating: +17

reply to this comment
- #12.1 Claire
  
  Go back a couple of weeks and read:
  
  *****tired of no sex
  *****smelling cheap perfume on my squeeze’s clothes
  *****discovered hickey the size of a nectarine on my honey’s tush…and I did not put it there!
  *****how many nights does one have to work overtime at a doughnut shop?
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:22 pm rating: +11
- #12.2 RunBarbara
  
  who the hell says tush? even my grandma says ass, and she’s been dead like ten years.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:29 pm rating: +17
- #12.3 Timo
  
  You’re right RB she used to say “put it in my ass, put it in my ass!”
  Man I miss her.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:34 pm rating: +36
- #12.4 Claire
  
  Oops! Grew up in Bible-beating fundamentalist community…an ass was something you could ride into town upon…it also had long ears and brayed….
  
  RunBarbara, does your grandmother appear to you now, even ten years later, to comment about various “ass”?
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:38 pm rating: +2
- #12.5 RunBarbara
  
  timo, she only wanted you to fuck her in the ass because the chance of her getting pregnant from your mongoloid sperm was horrific.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:38 pm rating: +12
- #12.6 Timo
  
  She didn’t have to worry mongie sperm is thick like peanut butter and it just swims in circles.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:46 pm rating: +7
- #12.7 morpho aurora
  
  timo - i guess i shouldn’t have eaten that sandwich you made
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:52 pm rating: +12
- #12.8 Canthz_B
  
  You can ride into town on an ass. If you’re doing it right she’ll bray too.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:52 pm rating: +14
- #12.9 Timo
  
  No it was okay Morpho I got that jar outta Mishee’s cupboard… ookaaay maybe you shouldn’t have.
  
  CB there is a bareback joke in theere but I can’t extract it.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:58 pm rating: +3
- #12.10 Claire
  
  Aaaahhh…that explains why he was always the first one in the driveway when the question “who wants to go into town?” was asked.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 9:00 pm rating: +2
- #12.11 Mishee
  
  Did I hear my name?
  
  Is this the part when I turn the topic to “All About Mishee”??
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 11:23 pm rating: +2
- #12.12 secondsout
  
  Wait, which part was about you? Was it “escort service,” “long ears and braying,” “tush,” “mongoloid?” Oh, wait, nevermind, there’s your name.
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 3:18 am rating: +5
- #12.13 T
  
  It is always Mishee Time!
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 9:21 am rating: +2
- #12.14 Mishee
  
  HaHa! I got the Hundreth Comment!!
  
  God, I effin rule!
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 10:44 am rating: +2
- #12.15 SarahBelle
  
  STOP! Mishee Time!
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: +4
- #12.16 Mishee
  
  SarahBelle - you will be allowed to live for another day…
  
  You have entered my good graces and that is essential for your survival here on PAN.
  
  Aug 29, 2008 at 2:22 pm rating: 0
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#13 Josh

Ungrammatical Facebook statuses drive me crazy.

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:53 pm rating: +9

reply to this comment
- #13.1 aaa
  
  There’s really no excuse anymore since they made the “is” optional. Hopefully this is all pre-optional is. But considering they didn’t have the sense not to air their dirty laundry on the internet for all to see, I wouldn’t be surprised if they just left the is in.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 9:48 pm rating: 0
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#14 RunBarbara

This is why when I break up with someone, I write “Impotent” on their front lawn in lighter fluid. One match later, Im pretty sure they get the message. When they dont have a lawn, I just do it to their car.

Aug 28, 2008 at 7:54 pm rating: +25

reply to this comment
- #14.1 amy d
  
  Carving it into their stomach lasts longer.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 7:56 pm rating: +20
- #14.2 K Dog
  
  You are my hero, RunBarbara.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:00 pm rating: +1
- #14.3 RunBarbara
  
  amy, i always carve their name into my stomach after ive faked the first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. ive found it has a 89% success rate in getting them to take me back, even if i fucked their dad in the interim.
  of course, i am running out of room. i guess i’ll just have to meet someone named JoshDavidSecondsoutKevinMike if i want it to work again.
  
  Aug 28, 2008 at 8:28 pm rating: +4
- #14.4

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

please pick up your dirty laundry ASAP

August 28th, 2008 · 126 comments

126 responses so far ↓