“My dear, sweet grandmother lived a long, full life and passed away recently at the age of 88,” writes Mark in Denton, Texas, but he still has the valentine his “Memaw” sent him back in 2005, during his freshman year of college.

Before the cockles of your heart get too warmed, however, take note: says Mark, “What appears at first glance to be an innocent, heartfelt valentine turned out to contain a message that pretty much sums up how she felt about me going to college a whole hour-and-a-half away, rather than the crappy local college…because apparently, that was my way of saying that my home and family just weren’t important to me.”

On behalf of Jewish grandmas everywhere…Happy Rosh Hashanah, everyone!

related: Why is it on this night we’re like, allowed to eat carbs?

Presenting — in honor of British Cheese Week — three approaches to cheese thievery:

1) Play dumb.

2) Get tough.

3) Oh, F it.

related: The right to bear fruit

related: Seriously!?!

“Let me preface this by saying that the ladies’ room at work is quite clean,” writes Angie in Stamford, Connecticut. “I’m not saying it’s where I eat my lunch, but it’s a very satisfactory restroom.”

It was something of a surprise, then, Angie says, when this sign appeared on each of the walls and stall doors.

In particular, Angie would like to draw your attention to the lower left-hand portion of the sign. “There are several lessons to be learned here,” she says, “perhaps most importantly that one should spray one’s corpses prior to placing them in the ladies’ room.”

related: When you can’t blame the dog

“Neumont is a strictly computer-science college located on the second and third floors of an office building,” writes Jared in South Jordan, Utah. It’s therefore a point of pride for Neumonters that out of several hundred CS students, “there are [only] a few who seem to forget to shower for a few weeks at a time.”

related: WoW, indeed

Reports Daikiki in Redwood City, California: “Two days after this note was slipped under the door of every apartment in the building, a second one appeared informing the tenants that said property manager was no longer employed as such.”

related: a deep-seated issue

“The screen door to our block of flats is broken,” says our anonymous submitter in Australia, “which has provoked some rather unique responses from my fellow residents.”

(Just click the image below to enlarge)

related: But who’s counting?

The tenth-floor kitchen at this office has no fewer than ten of these painstakingly laminated, clip-art-covered notes — and our anonymous submitter says this kitchen is only the tip of the iceberg.

“Nearly all of the notes in our office receive the same attention to detail,” our submitter says. “Every time I come to work I have to remind myself that I’m not in a cartoon fairy-tale land of fun.”

related: It takes a “genius” to come up with a potluck theme like this one