our anonymous submitter says his coworkers were taking stacks of paper towels from the bathroom and putting them in kitchen. “HR evidently does not agree with this practice and decided to enact a one-towel play in the break-room kitchen,” he says. (the office billing manager added the follow-up on the towels’ behalf.)
related: this is not positive communication
74 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
I am a coochie towel, I don’t like being wiped on balls!
Sep 1, 2008 at 4:53 pm rating: +29
#2
Canthz_B
No surprise that the Brawny guy wants the right to choose where he lives. Lumberjacks are such free spirits!
Sep 1, 2008 at 4:55 pm rating: +14
#3
Canthz_B
Red-lining against paper towels is prohibited by law. If they can afford to live in the kitchen, more power to them!
Sep 1, 2008 at 5:04 pm rating: +13
#4
Wade
I am a happy-go-lucky paper product. I don’t like being used as a passive-aggressive note. thx
Sep 1, 2008 at 5:05 pm rating: +62
#5
Sirius
Clearly we are facing a hygiene issue. Were you aware that whenever you pour a cup of coffee or microwave a burrito, a mist of coffee-and-burrito-spray molecules settles on everything in the room, including paper towels? Certainly not the kind of thing you want to be wiping your ass with!
Sep 1, 2008 at 5:07 pm rating: +38
#6
Quite Contrary
I have a dream!
Sep 1, 2008 at 5:09 pm rating: +5
#7
Quite Contrary
The office billing manager clearly has too much free time.
Sep 1, 2008 at 5:11 pm rating: +1
#8
Canthz_B
Talking paper products creep me out no matter where i find them. Except talking newspapers, I’d like that.
Sep 1, 2008 at 5:19 pm rating: +3
#9
Canthz_B
♫ There’s gonna be a rumble tonight! ♫
The kitchen towels have the advantage of matches. Restroom towels haven’t got a chance!
Sep 1, 2008 at 5:24 pm rating: +4
#10
ellemarie
what does ‘tks’ mean exactly? I am disturbed by the increasing use of LOLspeak in handwritten format.
Sep 1, 2008 at 6:42 pm rating: +7
#11
GVI
Next they are gonna be all; “I am a roll of toilet paper and I like to live, so when you want to use me to wipe your butt, please only take one square.”
Sep 1, 2008 at 7:05 pm rating: +4
#12
Fresca
“I am a paper towel– a completely non-sentient entity. I don’t fucking care where you put me. “
Sep 1, 2008 at 7:13 pm rating: +34
#13
aaa
HR does have a point. I mean, who wants to use paper towels covered in the flying poo mist from the toilets when they’re eating? Really, HR is just doing us all a favor.
Sep 1, 2008 at 7:43 pm rating: +1
#14
amazon
Maybe HR should invest in these things called napkins. Then everybody wins! Yay!
Sep 1, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: +23
#15
FlibbidyFloo
I am the Great Dispenser in the sky. What you do unto the least of these you do unto all. A paper towel is a paper towel is a paper towel. Good sturdy service is all it wants to provide. Now use it.
So it is written.
Sep 1, 2008 at 8:22 pm rating: +8
#16
Claire
Our new fiscal year did not kick in until today. There was no more $ in the funds to purchase paper products or liquid soap for the restrooms. Employees were going to Wal-Mart and contributing items out of their own pockets…oddly, we had plenty of paper products for the employee lounge……
Sep 1, 2008 at 8:34 pm rating: 0
#17
Red Letterboxer
If she was serious about making sure all those reluctantly relocated bathroom paper towels stayed in the bathroom, she would have written that note on every one of them.
Sep 1, 2008 at 8:35 pm rating: +5
#18
Red Letterboxer
I’m surprised some coworker didn’t use another popular restroom paper product to decorate her cubicle.
Sep 1, 2008 at 8:36 pm rating: +8
#19
Woman on the Verge
I say we free all the paper towels from the repression of dispensers and angry coworkers!
Sep 1, 2008 at 9:46 pm rating: +8
#20
Canthz_B
People who don’t want restroom paper towels in the kitchen area are so intolerant!
Sep 1, 2008 at 10:05 pm rating: +5
#21
bikerbabeee
I mean really,
If we let restroom paper towels move into the kitchen, pretty soon the desktop tissue will want to move in too. Then we will have to let The pocket tissues, glasses cleaners, wet ones, sanitary napkins and the Russian sandpaper into the kitchen also! I am all for it, lunchtime will become so interesting!
Sep 1, 2008 at 11:39 pm rating: +15
#22
Canthz_B
I’d like to be for paper product equality, but as Bill Cosby once pointed out, with some of those bathroom quality paper towels, “…why, you could wipe you whole face right off!”
Sep 1, 2008 at 11:51 pm rating: 0
#23
Canthz_B
The paper towel equality issue is just like the Civil Rights Movement because they both involve separate but equal qualities and that’s all that matters.
Sep 2, 2008 at 12:11 am rating: +1
#24
aaa
Why not just go the easy route and just wipe your hands on your pants and the furniture?
Sep 2, 2008 at 1:01 am rating: +2
#25
aaa
Non-nesting…
Sep 2, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: 0
#26
magickat
It’s bits of genius like this that make me LOVE LOVE LOVE this website. Thank you for making me smile all the time. People are f*ing CRAZY!
Sep 2, 2008 at 12:03 pm rating: 0
#27
anglophile
Well, all I can say to you, Mr. Paper Towel, is that when you pay the rent, you will have the right to choose where you live.
Sep 2, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: +7
#28
Goldie
Meanwhile, hidden in the far corner of the shelf, Kitchen Towel was waiting for her boyfriend Restroom Towel to move in with her as he had promised. A day went by, then another, but her man never arrived.
“I knew it!” – Kitchen Towel sobbed. – “I should’ve known better when he told me he didn’t like kitchens. And our baby napkins are due in two weeks. How am I going to raise them all by myself now?” Such was the price she had to pay for one reckless night out on the kitchen counter after they had both indulged in too much coffee and creamer.
Left all alone in the world, Kitchen Towel cried herself to sleep.
When Sandra was stocking the shelves the next morning, she noticed a soaked roll of kitchen towels in the far corner. Gingerly, she picked it up and threw it in the trash.
For who needs a soggy kitchen towel?
Sep 2, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: +15
#29
GhostWriter
Oh, rats!
Did I just write, “I’m a hand towel for restroom dispenser?”
I meant, “I’m a hockey mom for Sarah Palin!”
Sep 2, 2008 at 1:55 pm rating: +3
#30
max522over
What a bathroom towel really thinks.
Are you dirty and wet?!?! huh??? Are you dirty and wet. Oh yes, you are very dirty and wet!!! Wipe your self on me, oh yes, wipe harder. Get it all dry and clean. Oh God!!! now roll me into a ball and throw me away!! that’s it, do it, do it harder.
Now who wants that in their kitchen? I ask you!
Sep 2, 2008 at 3:14 pm rating: +13
#31
0falcon8
Passive-Aggressiveness: the quicker picker-upper!
Sep 2, 2008 at 3:18 pm rating: +5
#32
Sabrina
Honestly, I don’t think the towel even wrote this……
Sep 2, 2008 at 4:17 pm rating: +8
#33
Canthz_B
It really comes down to a choice between living with fecal coliform bacteria or Salmonella, doesn’t it?
The life of a disposable towel is rough either way. Poor bastards.
Sep 2, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: +2
#34
0falcon8
_______________________________________
dear stupid humans:
Quit anthropomorphizing me and using me
as a vehicle in your petty squabbles
thx, paper towel
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sep 2, 2008 at 5:12 pm rating: +3
#35
Amanda
I would laugh and laugh, except that this same battle is being waged in my office, so it all just seems sorta tragic–that people everywhere agree there are site-specific papertowels.
Sep 5, 2008 at 5:27 pm rating: 0
#36
Frankie
Yes please. Will you be there with me when we go to foggy london town Mishee? Will cap’n Jack be there too? And the rum? ( hiccup)
Sep 19, 2008 at 1:16 pm rating: 0
#37
Billigflüge
^^ Funny idea. Something similar like this happened in our office as well. I think similar situations occur everywhere. Although I found this idea really funny it’s kind of infantile.
Nov 11, 2008 at 4:59 am rating: 0
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