Currently on the table: a guest towel visa program

September 1st, 2008 · 75 comments

Our anonymous submitter says his coworkers were taking stacks of paper towels from the bathroom and putting them in kitchen.

“HR evidently does not agree with this practice and decided to enact a one-towel play in the breakroom kitchen,” he says. (The office billing manager added the follow-up on the towels’ behalf.)

I am a hand towel for RESTROOM dispenser. I don't like kitchens. I want the right to choose where I live. Thank you - Kitchen paper towel

related: This is not positive communication

FILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · kitchen · rebuttals


75 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    I am a coochie towel, I don’t like being wiped on balls!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 4:53 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Canthz_B bang

    No surprise that the Brawny guy wants the right to choose where he lives. Lumberjacks are such free spirits!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   katrina

      now ya got me singing “i wear high heels, stockings and a bra” much to the amusement of small yappy dog #2….

      Sep 1, 2008 at 6:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Omit

      “I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers, I put on women’s clothing, and hang around in bars”

      Ah vintage Monty Python! :lol:

      Sep 1, 2008 at 8:15 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Claire bang

      Ah….a lumberjack…and he’s okay….!

      Sep 1, 2008 at 8:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    Red-lining against paper towels is prohibited by law. If they can afford to live in the kitchen, more power to them!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 5:04 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Wade bang

    I am a happy-go-lucky paper product. I don’t like being used as a passive-aggressive note. thx

    Sep 1, 2008 at 5:05 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Sirius bang

    Clearly we are facing a hygiene issue. Were you aware that whenever you pour a cup of coffee or microwave a burrito, a mist of coffee-and-burrito-spray molecules settles on everything in the room, including paper towels? Certainly not the kind of thing you want to be wiping your ass with!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Claire bang

      Especially if there also was a mist of jalapeno oil also applied to the previous-kitchen-towelette-now-turned-into-loo-paper,,Ay-yi-yi!

      Sep 1, 2008 at 8:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Quite Contrary bang

    I have a dream!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 5:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Quite Contrary bang

    The office billing manager clearly has too much free time.

    Sep 1, 2008 at 5:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    Talking paper products creep me out no matter where i find them. Except talking newspapers, I’d like that. ;-)

    Sep 1, 2008 at 5:19 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    There’s gonna be a rumble tonight!

    The kitchen towels have the advantage of matches. Restroom towels haven’t got a chance!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 5:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   se

      CB, you’re wrong there. The restroom paper towels are fortified by the invisible shit mist from the flushed toilets.

      Sep 1, 2008 at 7:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Claire bang

      “I like it here in America! Plenty of kitchen towels in America!….”

      Sep 1, 2008 at 8:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   FlibbidyFloo

      In Soviet Union you wipe with dispenser.

      Sep 1, 2008 at 8:39 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Canthz_B bang

      My bad, se. I didn’t consider germ warfare! LOL

      Sep 2, 2008 at 12:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Holiday Djinn

      I thought in the Soviet Union dispense uses you to wipe?

      Come on flibbidy, what are you some kinda Yakov?

      Sep 2, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   se

      Then,CB, the kitchen paper towels might go to the nucular option, microfuckingwave popcorn stink. Then we might have parity.

      Sep 2, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   Canthz_B bang

      Then the bathroom camp will just have to respond by deploying rocket pubes. Things could get hairy!

      Sep 2, 2008 at 3:45 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   ellemarie bang

    what does ‘tks’ mean exactly? I am disturbed by the increasing use of LOLspeak in handwritten format.

    Sep 1, 2008 at 6:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Claire bang

      The handwriting is fairly legible, but tightly formed….this person evidently needs a more active sex life….

      Sep 1, 2008 at 8:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Claire bang

      At least they did not begin the note using “Plz”

      Sep 1, 2008 at 8:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Lurker

      TKS is obviously an abbreviation for “THX SANDRA.”

      Sep 2, 2008 at 12:56 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   GVI bang

    Next they are gonna be all; “I am a roll of toilet paper and I like to live, so when you want to use me to wipe your butt, please only take one square.”

    Sep 1, 2008 at 7:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Fresca

    “I am a paper towel– a completely non-sentient entity. I don’t fucking care where you put me. “

    Sep 1, 2008 at 7:13 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Claire bang

      “I am a burrito. Please do not place me on a paper product which has been misted with waste products …perchance from the Gadren’s all-you-can-eat buffet…”

      Sep 1, 2008 at 8:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Mark bang

      You shouldn’t anthropomorphize inanimate objects. They really hate that.

      Sep 2, 2008 at 12:44 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Timo bang

      You just don’t understand how insulting they find that! Sheesh!

      Sep 2, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   aaa

    HR does have a point. I mean, who wants to use paper towels covered in the flying poo mist from the toilets when they’re eating? Really, HR is just doing us all a favor.

    Sep 1, 2008 at 7:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   amazon

    Maybe HR should invest in these things called napkins. Then everybody wins! Yay!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   secondsout bang

      It’s a harsh economy these days. The office can no longer afford napkins, and creamer must be rationed.

      Sep 1, 2008 at 10:26 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Canthz_B bang

      If they only hadn’t wasted all of that money on the wrong chocolate for the vending machines…

      Sep 1, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   FlibbidyFloo

    I am the Great Dispenser in the sky. What you do unto the least of these you do unto all. A paper towel is a paper towel is a paper towel. Good sturdy service is all it wants to provide. Now use it.

    So it is written.

    Sep 1, 2008 at 8:22 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   AuntyBron

      As it is written, so shall it be.

      Sep 2, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Claire bang

    Our new fiscal year did not kick in until today. There was no more $ in the funds to purchase paper products or liquid soap for the restrooms. Employees were going to Wal-Mart and contributing items out of their own pockets…oddly, we had plenty of paper products for the employee lounge……

    Sep 1, 2008 at 8:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Red Letterboxer

    If she was serious about making sure all those reluctantly relocated bathroom paper towels stayed in the bathroom, she would have written that note on every one of them.

    Sep 1, 2008 at 8:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Red Letterboxer

    I’m surprised some coworker didn’t use another popular restroom paper product to decorate her cubicle.

    Sep 1, 2008 at 8:36 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Ti O

      With some glitter they make lovely tree ornaments! :shock:

      Sep 2, 2008 at 12:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Woman on the Verge

    I say we free all the paper towels from the repression of dispensers and angry coworkers!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 9:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    People who don’t want restroom paper towels in the kitchen area are so intolerant!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 10:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   bikerbabeee bang

    I mean really,
    If we let restroom paper towels move into the kitchen, pretty soon the desktop tissue will want to move in too. Then we will have to let The pocket tissues, glasses cleaners, wet ones, sanitary napkins and the Russian sandpaper into the kitchen also! I am all for it, lunchtime will become so interesting!

    Sep 1, 2008 at 11:39 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah? Just watch the phenomenon of “Bounty flight” that ensues!

      Sep 1, 2008 at 11:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   smalvarado bang

      Mutiny of the Bounty?

      Rosie would not take any lip from the upstart kitchen paper towels these days, God bless her and her message of quick clean-up.

      That said, I’m on team kpt.

      Sep 2, 2008 at 12:42 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Wade bang

      Ahh, but the paper towels that’s… that’s where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with… geometric logic… that a duplicate key to the bathroom towel dispenser DID exist, and I’d have produced that key if they hadn’t changed the lock on the executive washroom. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect their inappropriate placement of paper products…

      – Phillip France Queeg, Human Resources

      Sep 2, 2008 at 7:28 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Timo bang

      This is your HR rep speaking. Some misguided employee in this company still think they can pull a fast one on me. Well, they’re very much mistaken. Since you’ve taken this course, the innocent will be punished with the guilty. There will be no towels for any member of this company for three months. I will not be made a fool of! Do you hear me?

      Sep 2, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   Canthz_B bang

      So that’s why the paper towels smell like strawberries?

      Sep 2, 2008 at 3:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    I’d like to be for paper product equality, but as Bill Cosby once pointed out, with some of those bathroom quality paper towels, “…why, you could wipe you whole face right off!”

    Sep 1, 2008 at 11:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    The paper towel equality issue is just like the Civil Rights Movement because they both involve separate but equal qualities and that’s all that matters. :roll:

    Sep 2, 2008 at 12:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   aaa

    Why not just go the easy route and just wipe your hands on your pants and the furniture?

    Sep 2, 2008 at 1:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Canthz_B bang

      Or the dog, man’s best towel!

      Sep 2, 2008 at 1:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Woman on the Verge

      Why are there even paper towels in there? Don’t they have the “blow the fecal and urine flush germs directly at your hands at high speed” dryers?

      Sep 2, 2008 at 7:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   aaa

      Actually CB, I have wiped my hands on the dog before. Seriously. But it’s not like she cared. All she knew was that she was getting pet. And she needed a bath, anyway. :P

      But I’m gonna assume that they don’t have dogs at their place of work. I mean, dogs are the best non-towel towels available, but you have to make do with what you have.

      Sep 2, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Goldie

      Yeah, really – what dogs? What does it look like, f-ing Cambridge?

      Sep 2, 2008 at 1:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Numinous bang

      I have my dogs at work. It’s great! I don’t have to wash dishes or my hands!

      Sep 2, 2008 at 3:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   aaa

    Non-nesting…

    Sep 2, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   magickat

    It’s bits of genius like this that make me LOVE LOVE LOVE this website. Thank you for making me smile all the time. People are f*ing CRAZY!

    Sep 2, 2008 at 12:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   anglophile bang

    Well, all I can say to you, Mr. Paper Towel, is that when you pay the rent, you will have the right to choose where you live.

    Sep 2, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Goldie

    Meanwhile, hidden in the far corner of the shelf, Kitchen Towel was waiting for her boyfriend Restroom Towel to move in with her as he had promised. A day went by, then another, but her man never arrived.

    “I knew it!” – Kitchen Towel sobbed. – “I should’ve known better when he told me he didn’t like kitchens. And our baby napkins are due in two weeks. How am I going to raise them all by myself now?” Such was the price she had to pay for one reckless night out on the kitchen counter after they had both indulged in too much coffee and creamer.

    Left all alone in the world, Kitchen Towel cried herself to sleep.

    When Sandra was stocking the shelves the next morning, she noticed a soaked roll of kitchen towels in the far corner. Gingerly, she picked it up and threw it in the trash.

    For who needs a soggy kitchen towel?

    Sep 2, 2008 at 1:20 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   GhostWriter bang

    Oh, rats!
    Did I just write, “I’m a hand towel for restroom dispenser?”
    I meant, “I’m a hockey mom for Sarah Palin!”

    Sep 2, 2008 at 1:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   max522over bang

    What a bathroom towel really thinks.

    Are you dirty and wet?!?! huh??? Are you dirty and wet. Oh yes, you are very dirty and wet!!! Wipe your self on me, oh yes, wipe harder. Get it all dry and clean. Oh God!!! now roll me into a ball and throw me away!! that’s it, do it, do it harder.

    Now who wants that in their kitchen? I ask you!

    Sep 2, 2008 at 3:14 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Goldie

      OMG! Who doesn’t?

      Sep 2, 2008 at 3:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Saysh

      oh yes..oh yes.. OH YEE….

      *ahem*

      Well, I think that that sort of thing belongs EVERYWHERE.. not just relegated to a particular room…but that’s just me..

      Sep 2, 2008 at 9:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   0falcon8 bang

    Passive-Aggressiveness: the quicker picker-upper!

    Sep 2, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Sabrina

    Honestly, I don’t think the towel even wrote this……

    Sep 2, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Goldie

      I think it did. What’s one small passive-aggressive note to a towel that could write “A Million Little Fibers”?

      Sep 2, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Canthz_B bang

      One small note for a towel, one giant leap for towel-kind!

      Sep 2, 2008 at 4:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Canthz_B bang

    It really comes down to a choice between living with fecal coliform bacteria or Salmonella, doesn’t it?
    The life of a disposable towel is rough either way. Poor bastards. :-(

    Sep 2, 2008 at 4:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   0falcon8 bang

    _______________________________________
    dear stupid humans:
    Quit anthropomorphizing me and using me
    as a vehicle in your petty squabbles
    thx, paper towel
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Sep 2, 2008 at 5:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Amanda

    I would laugh and laugh, except that this same battle is being waged in my office, so it all just seems sorta tragic–that people everywhere agree there are site-specific papertowels.

    Sep 5, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Frankie bang

    Yes please. Will you be there with me when we go to foggy london town Mishee? Will cap’n Jack be there too? And the rum? ( hiccup)

    Sep 19, 2008 at 1:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Billigflüge

    ^^ Funny idea. Something similar like this happened in our office as well. I think similar situations occur everywhere. Although I found this idea really funny it’s kind of infantile.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 4:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Toy Story meets The Office | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] The paper towels want a voice in where they live, okay? [...]

    Mar 1, 2011 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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