The xenophobic toilet

September 8th, 2008 · 59 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Helsinki, Finland says this note has been in every stall in the women’s restroom at her office for as long as she’s worked there.

Puzzlingly, she says, “Most all the women who work here are native speakers of Finnish, so I’m not sure why the note is mainly in English.” (Nor is she sure what the author was trying to convey with his/her choice of red, yellow and green text.)

Please be gentle with my delicate pipes. I WILL clog if you put foreign objects in me, so please use the wastebasket for paper towels, etc. Kiitos Paljon, The Toilet

Oh, and your Finnish language lesson of the day: kiitos paljon means “many thanks.”

related: I asked Santa for a baby alive, and all I got was this stupid dishwasher

FILED UNDER: all clogged up · anthropomorphism · CAPS LOCK · Finland · Helsinki · office · toilet


59 responses so far ↓

  • #1   damon

    Aw, and here I thought that Kiitos Paljon was the name of the toilet.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 5:41 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Great Joe Bivins

      That was my first thought. “A fine name for a receptacle!” I said to myself.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 5:50 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Goldie

      Guess I was the only one whose reaction was “ahhh, good times”. My home town was a couple dozen miles away from Finland and all of us kids knew a small number of Finnish words growing up. “Kiitos” sure brought back the memories.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 1:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   park rose bang

    And make sure you flush after you Finnish your business, particularly if it is a big jobbie…

    I know, I know… there are far wittier comments waiting to be written..

    Sep 8, 2008 at 5:49 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Holiday Djinn

    Isn’t the whole point of putting foreign objects into “something” to “clog” it?

    Also, i’ve heard the pipes like it rough sometimes.

    /just sayin’

    Sep 8, 2008 at 7:07 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Woman on the Verge bang

    Dear The Toilet,
    Thanks so much for the lovely warning. I especially enjoyed your choice of colors!
    Red: Stop! Be gentle with me… sit, relax, stay awhile – warm me up.
    Yellow: Slow down! I can’t take it if you are into any kinky moves with paper towels or foreign objects – especially things made in China, they upset my delicate balance – Let’s keep it Finnish, shall we?
    Green: Go! I do love you so… so Go! Go! Go! It’s sooooooo goood…..
    Thanks, Toilet, for making my day.
    Love,
    The person using the toilet

    Sep 8, 2008 at 7:55 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   claw71 bang

    I’ve heard this before but it wasn’t in reference to a toilet. My girlfriend told me about the risks associated with sticking things in her “pipes” so I refrained from fulfilling a couple of long-standing fantasies of mine. Then I came home early from a business trip only to find her in bed with a local Boy Scout troop. Apparently she was helping them earn that coveted plumbing badge. I would have been angry but she the way she was working that screw auger over really turned me on. So I made a quick call to Roto Rooter and arranged to finish the job the scouts started.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 8:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Mishee bang

    I left this same note for RunBarbara many times…

    Unfortunately, her replica of the albino python isn’t as gentle as one would think…

    Sep 8, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   claw71 bang

      Somehow I doubt your pipes are delicate, Mishee.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 8:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Mishee bang

      Very delicate Claw… almost like fine china…

      Sep 8, 2008 at 9:21 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Inkblot

      Fine China for their crimes in Tibet.

      Sep 13, 2008 at 9:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    Why is “will” underlined?

    Has the tissue dispenser been spreading rumors that the toilet “will not” clog? Another bit of vicious restroom gossip!

    Sep 8, 2008 at 9:11 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Yoheimizrahi bang

      And the tiles are the not-so-secret voyeurs of the whole affair. The toilet feels cheap and the plunger runs away with the tampon dispenser.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 11:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Quite Contrary bang

    Sadly, the first thing I thought when I saw the red, yellow, and green is that this sign would match the color scheme of my living room.

    Then I slapped myself upside the head.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 9:12 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Dare

    I suppose if my country resided in between the Swedes and the Ruskies, my pipes would clog easily too!

    Sep 8, 2008 at 9:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Sheepish bang

    I never have understood the paper towel in the toilet problem. Do ladies grab a handful of paper towel before they enter the stall in anticipation of a heavy duty wipe session? Personally, after I’ve done my business and used the appropriate toilet paper amount, I wash my hands and use the paper towels to dry them off. I have never turned around at this point and had to ask myself if I should re-enter the stall and flush the paper towels or if I should put them in the garbage.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Ti O

    Attention this is God talking do not jam, ram flotsam in to the crapper. The pipes are made of sugar plums and rice paper and prone to with so much as a stern leer.

    Potaus, God of Crapeterium’s

    Sep 8, 2008 at 9:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Pwntastic

    That’s what she said.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   momentaryennui bang

      ahhh, I missed it, someone did already say it!!
      excellent!

      Sep 8, 2008 at 5:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Quite Contrary bang

    “No foreign objects.” Does this mean only Finns are allowed to use said toilet?

    Sep 8, 2008 at 10:27 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Cowgirlgraphics

    I’m trying to think of what the “ETC” is refrencing in this sign …. perhaps the dreaded Canine Infestation???

    Sep 8, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   se

    Please don’t clog the crapper
    use toilet paper to wipe your snapper.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 11:09 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   sadianne

    Did Thx Sandra go on vacation to Finland? Does Casey in HR know that the Finnish are flushing “big jobs”?

    Sep 8, 2008 at 11:29 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Mishee bang

      Comon now, I think you just wanted to wear the Unitard all along!

      Sep 8, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   jando

      LMAO…I <3 Thx Sandra!

      Sep 8, 2008 at 3:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   0falcon8 bang

    don’t anthropomorphize inanimate objects. they hate that ;)

    Sep 8, 2008 at 12:05 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Melissa

    Is there a slutty booty short equivalent to Threadless? If so, someone should submit this note.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 12:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   aaa

    So, are the “foreign objects” this sign is referring to tampons or dime bags? I mean, some supposedly unflushable foreign objects flush a lot better than others.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Ti O

      Refer to previous used condom PAN for further expansion on the theme of foreign objects in the john.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 6:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Goldie

    Clearly the toilet is saving itself for that Special Someone. Unless you’re that person, stay away from the delicate pipes. You are allowed to pee, but only if you hover over the toilet. No sitting is allowed, as research has found it ultimately leads to clogging.
    Kiitos paljon,
    Operation Keepsake
    http://www.operationkeepsake.com

    Sep 8, 2008 at 1:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Mongoliangirl

    Am I wrong for my first thought being that it sounded like a note from some uptight church lady widow gettin’ her freak on for the first time in something like 42 years?

    Sep 8, 2008 at 1:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   marlo

    Is it safe to assume this toilet is used by Finnish-speaking people, or is it simply being needlessly esoteric?

    “Not only will I clog up, but I know languages you don’t! Have some respect!”

    Sep 8, 2008 at 2:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Goldie

      You are in Finland, silly toilet! Speak Finnish!

      Sep 8, 2008 at 2:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Mishee bang

      Did you ever think that perhaps the toilet was Made in the US?

      Sep 8, 2008 at 2:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Bellabeastie

      In Soviet Russia toilet flush YOU !

      Sep 8, 2008 at 5:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   IheartBellabeastie

      In Soviet Union pipes clog you!

      Sep 8, 2008 at 7:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Eric B.

      In Soviet Russia, joke runs YOU into the ground!

      Sep 8, 2008 at 7:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   bellabeastie

      I meant to say “clog YOU” in the first post but I was at work.. and the BOSS was approaching – and had to shut down fast.

      I BARELY exited PAN in time to escape retribution. Infidels.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 10:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Wade bang

    I wonder if the anonymous note submitter is the only one in the office besides the note writer that speaks English.

    Now that’s passive-aggressive.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 3:54 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   HulluKana bang

      nah we have to learn english in school…

      Sep 9, 2009 at 12:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   GhostWriter bang

    This was the same note Zamfir left behind, when they hauled him off to Arkham Prison for the Musically Annoying.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Bellabeastie

      Where he was roomies with Michael Bolton and Kenny G.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 4:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Wade bang

      And carved in the ceiling beam were the words “Slim Whitman was here”.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 4:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Canthz_B bang

      HOLD THAT ELEVATOR!!!

      Sep 8, 2008 at 5:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   anglophile bang

      Why do I have a sudden urge to put on a poncho?

      Sep 8, 2008 at 5:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Ti O

      They had no idea what those two Italian ladies were singing about.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 6:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   IheartBellabeastie

      They were, out of love, forced to learn a new craft.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 7:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.7   bellabeastie

      I hear that knitting has replaced the making of license plates.

      Much more Zen.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 10:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    They should just buy Finnish paper towels. Then they will be putting domestic objects into the bowl.

    Sep 8, 2008 at 5:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   bellabeastie

      Hi –IHBB – isn’t that “Air Supply” ? Distant reference — but the cadence works.

      Sep 8, 2008 at 11:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   IheartBellaBeastie

      No actually it was a reference to Arkham and one of the greatest Horror writers of the twentieth century, H.P. Lovecraft.
      BTW sweet Bella you nested this in the wrong spot but I forgive you.

      Sep 9, 2008 at 11:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   bellabeastie

      Oops.. notes to self —
      1. look up H.P. Lovecraft
      2. read with the lights on
      3. practice nesting in the right spot

      ;)

      Sep 10, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   momentaryennui bang

    “Please be gentle with my delicate pipes…”

    and so on and so on.

    this post begs for someone to say, “that’s what she said.”

    Sep 8, 2008 at 5:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Troy McClure bang

    There once was a lass from Helsinki
    Who went off to do something stinky
    A sign on the john
    Said “Kiitos paljon
    If you’d kindly flush nothing too kinky.”

    Sep 8, 2008 at 7:57 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   RandyinReno

      Classic!!! Bravo!

      Sep 8, 2008 at 9:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   bellabeastie

    Is there such a thing as ” too kinky in Helsinki?”

    Enquiring minds want to know. ;)

    Sep 8, 2008 at 10:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   IheartBellaBeastie

      Darling you know it is never too kinky in Helsinki. Scandinavia is very open minded! :twisted:

      Sep 9, 2008 at 11:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   As strange as foreign

    Wow, look what happens when you write “foreign” instead of “strange”. Why in english? A perfect example of a passive-agressive behavior.

    Sep 12, 2008 at 1:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   ggg

    obviously the toilet speaks english.

    Nov 20, 2008 at 2:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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