a sign (or ten) that your HR department might have too much time on their hands

September 21st, 2008 · 127 comments

the tenth-floor kitchen at this office has no fewer than ten of these painstakingly laminated, clip-art-covered notes — and our anonymous submitter says this kitchen is only the tip of the iceberg.

“nearly all of the notes in our office receive the same attention to detail,” our submitter says. “every time i come to work i have to remind myself that i’m not in a cartoon fairy-tale land of fun.”

wanted: refrigerator bandit

but what about my strawberries and cream?

Mark your calendars

Watch Your Food

unattended popcorn will be given an espresso and a free puppy

no ping pong on the spaghetti with meatballs table

'mop and wet floor sign' sign

sink-side of kitchen

related: it takes a “genius” to come up with a potluck theme like this one

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FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · blitzkrieg approach · clip art catastrophe · gloriously redundant · microwave · office · office fridge · popcorn


'someecards: Shoot the Leg' T-Shirt for Men 'someecards: Terrified Offline' T-Shirt for Men

127 responses so far ↓

  • #1   laurie ruettimann

    Oh come on, Kerry. That’s not fair. We both know that HR reps don’t know how to insert clip art onto MS documents.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:02 pm   rating: +5  

    • #1.1   Debo Hobo

      I wish our notes looked this good.

      Ours are yellowed with mega thumb tack marks from when they are hung removed and rehung when needed.

      Sep 25, 2008 at 11:40 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #2   Luv This site

    the problem with all these maniacal posters is overkill — it’s like nagging a teenager; after a while they don’t even hear you.

    Someone needs to explain the “less is more” concept - unless of course, this is at a daycare center.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:05 pm   rating: +5  

    • #2.1   Dawn

      I would still rather see these around the walls than the boring black and white with ‘beany’ people attached to them.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #2.2   amazon

      We have a sign with that same exact pink trash can pointing towards his “mouth” in our kitchen as well. Trust me, the fact that it isn’t a screen bean doesn’t make it any more likable.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 1:48 am   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #3   snyder

    lol!!

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:05 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #4   anglophile

    What happens to a dream (to be a graphic artist) deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

    Or does it explode?

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:10 pm   rating: +100  

    • #4.1   Canthz_B

      I only regret that I have but one vote to give to this comment.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 7:45 pm   rating: +7  

       
    • #4.2   snee

      if it dried up like a raisin in the sun, it would be cleaned out of the fridge on friday at 4:oo.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 10:29 pm   rating: +58  

       
    • #4.3   Canthz_B

      &&&

      Sep 21, 2008 at 11:11 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #4.4   secretly Passive Aggresive

      Wait, it’s NOT one of the requirements for an HR position?

      Sep 22, 2008 at 9:26 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #4.5   secretly Passive Aggresive

      Wait, it’s NOT one of the requirements for an HR position?

      Sep 22, 2008 at 9:26 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #4.6   Ti O

      I think it crusts over like syrup, not so sweet
      and it stinks like rotted meat.

      festers and pulses like a zit out of reach.

      The dream to draw and create, erased.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #5   anglophile

    If the employees at this business need to be told via laminated, clip-arted signage that they should tell maintenance when the floor is wet, is there much hope for this company?

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:12 pm   rating: +12  

    • #5.1   Canthz_B

      Lots of hope for the employees…if they’re into workers’ compensation checks! :evil:

      Sep 21, 2008 at 7:41 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #6   Canthz_B

    I think we know “how” someone took something from “a victims”, and I doubt that marking the items helped the victim more than the thief.
    Everyone knows who brings the good stuff!

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:13 pm   rating: +6  

    • #6.1   Wade

      Be sure and “repport” that bit of news to HR or Facilities.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 7:57 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #6.2   Canthz_B

      Things have gone steadily downhill since Casey left HR. :-(

      Sep 21, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: +8  

       
    • #6.3   Miss Unloop

      Help take a bite outta intraoffice crime!

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:01 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #7   anglophile

    I wish I worked at a place with a ping-pong table. It’s a fair exchange for the barrage of p/a notes.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:15 pm   rating: +19  

    • #7.1   snee

      yeah! think of all the food you could pile on one of those thin–um, nevermind.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #7.2   Juliet

      I can’t stop wondering why their tenth floor office has a ping pong table. And that it is used often enough that people leaving food on it is a problem.

      Passive aggression is common in the office environment. Ping pong tables, not so much.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 10:15 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #8   Canthz_B

    “We really don’t care what date is on your food…We have crap in there from 1986, but at least it’s dated!!”

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:16 pm   rating: +18  

    • #8.1   AuntyBron

      And they guy whose name is on it was fired 2 years later.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:42 pm   rating: +4  

       
     
  • #9   Canthz_B

    I always cover you food in the microwave.
    My problem is covering me food!

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:19 pm   rating: +3  

     
  • #10   Canthz_B

    I could use a set of fire alarms, I only watch my food because of the Refrigerator Bandit.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: +2  

    • #10.1   AuntyBron

      CB, There is apparently no problem with Microwave bandits.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:43 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #10.2   Canthz_B

      No, after that the goods are obviously too “hot”!

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:50 pm   rating: +5  

       
     
  • #11   Delurker

    Actually, I do want to set off the fire alarms. It’s a great way of getting out of doing real work.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: +14  

    • #11.1   AuntyBron

      Where I work the fire alarms don’t work half of the time. We get overhead announcements 2-3 times a week that say, “the fire alarm system is temporarily out of service for testing and inspection….”

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:46 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #11.2   clumber

      The Director’s Admin Asst. managed to set off the fire alarms in this bldg about a year ago by burning popcorn and leaving it unattended. (No clip art was installed either before or after the incident!) . On certain Fridays I buy her popcorn and ask her to please enjoy. By 3pm would be just awesome.

      The local FD took a nice long time searching the bldg and whatever else they get to do to retaliate for a burnt popcorn alarm dragging them away from their Wii or whathaveyou.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 1:43 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #12   zandor

    Wow. That’s a lot.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #13   Natalie

    I think I worked in this office once!

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:22 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #14   Canthz_B

    Latest sign:

    Do not read all of these signs. You only have a one-half hour lunch break to find your food (if it’s still there), nuke it, clean up after it and scarf it down before you are expected back at your desks.
    Don’t even think about setting off a fire alarm to gain extra time, Facilities is watching your every move!!

    *insert giant eyeballs in binoculars clip-art here*

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:28 pm   rating: +46  

     
  • #15   Canthz_B

    Can they at least eat Chinese food on the Ping Pong table? Why the total disregard for the Air Hockey crowd?

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:36 pm   rating: +3  

    • #15.1   Sydney

      The damned air hockey table keeps blowing my rice cakes away.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 8:31 pm   rating: +9  

       
    • #15.2   Canthz_B

      That’s not the table, the players think they’re the puck!

      Sep 21, 2008 at 8:44 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #16   Troy McClure

    That “janitor” is clearly a tap dancer.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 7:48 pm   rating: +5  

    • #16.1   Canthz_B

      LOL…unless he uses spring water he is, Troy. :lol:

      Sep 21, 2008 at 7:54 pm   rating: +5  

       
     
  • #17   andymydear

    man, if you don’t read the ‘about’ preface at all, then you truly don’t expect all these signs to be in one kitchen, office, or even building; but then that last picture just puts it all in perspective.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 8:11 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #18   Canthz_B

    Can anyone enlarge the “Refrigerator Bandit”?
    Looks like he’s carrying Christmas gifts, but flicker won’t let me get a better look.
    Thanx.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 8:22 pm   rating: 0  

    • #18.1   Sydney

      I dunno, I’m seeing a great big cheeseburger under his arm. He also has a deathgrip on some healthful strawberries.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 8:32 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #18.2   Canthz_B

      Okay, lettuce, not ribbon, strawberries(?) not holly.
      Pretty much works for me! :-)

      Sep 21, 2008 at 8:41 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #18.3   paige

      it does look like he is armed with fruit, watch yourself!

      Sep 21, 2008 at 8:56 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #18.4   Miss Unloop

      Which is why I always bring a tiger with me to the office - it not only disarms the bandit, but eats the fruit!

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:04 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #18.5   Canthz_B

      Untraceable, unmarked fruit, at that, paige!!

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:07 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #18.6   paige

      egads!

      Sep 21, 2008 at 11:45 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #19   erin

    This reminds me of my entry level call center gig i had when i first joined my company.

    Who makes these signs and how much are you paying them to spend their work time doing so?

    “Last seen Stalking the lunchrooms for a victims!”

    That sentence alone would make me want to quit.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 8:23 pm   rating: +3  

    • #19.1   Miss Unloop

      Totally! I mean, why can’t they trawl PAN or play online sudoku like everyone else?

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:05 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #19.2   AuntyBron

      Yeah, it makes it sound like the thief is hiding behind the fridge, waiting for someone to come in to play air hockey with their rice cakes.

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:51 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #19.3   Amy

      So that’s what they’re for!

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:25 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #20   paige

    i dislike it intensely when people use irrational capitalization in the workplace. [of course, online it's fine...:)]

    also, come on HR…no spellcheck? and making
    signs for signs?

    you wouldn’t want to come across too strong now, would you?

    Sep 21, 2008 at 8:31 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #21   M

    You lost me at “ping pong table.” What was the issue again? O.o

    Sep 21, 2008 at 8:33 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #22   Canthz_B

    A little Video Professor is a dangerous thing.
    These skills were obtained viewing one late-night infomercial.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 8:59 pm   rating: +5  

     
  • #23   Miss Unloop

    Just what the heck is that character in the bottom left of the first note wearing the policeman hat and made out of arrows? Is it a representation of the Karma Police, cautioning us that what goes around comes around?

    Sep 21, 2008 at 9:08 pm   rating: 0  

    • #23.1   Canthz_B

      Ree-sie-cul po-leez, we seez U.

      I suck at lolcat-speak, but I tried, damn-it!! :-)

      Sep 21, 2008 at 9:16 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #24   Canthz_B

    Margaret saw a need on the first day for signs in the kitchen. On the second day she composed without proof-reading, and it seemed good. Margaret added clip-art on the third day, and saw that it was good. She added a few more images on the fourth day, and knew that it was better. On the fifth day, Margaret posted her signs, and she felt good.
    On the sixth day, Margaret was fired, this was not good. Margaret rested on the seventh day and for many days to follow, it was for her own good.

    Sep 21, 2008 at 9:35 pm   rating: +14  

     
  • #25   0falcon8

    the notorious Refrigerator Bandit skulks about the breakroom, casing the joint before he wreaks his specialized brand of havoc on his unsuspecting victims. his sweaty hand gripping his kiwi of death, he furtively glances around for any signs of the dreaded HR or Facilities Police. seeing none, he carefully skirts around the Wet Floor Sign, reaches past the sparkling-clean Microwave and carefully eases the Refrigerator door open. he spies a Tupperware container with what he believes is leftover lasagna inside
    “come to me, my sweet,” he murmurs and reaches forward to claim his prize. his hand freezes in mid-snatch as he spies a label on the lid-”Bob Krupsky 9/20″
    “damn,” the food bandit laments, “this has a name and date on it. it apparently is not up for grabs.”
    he gently shuts the door and blends back into the day. “your food is safe for now,” he thinks
    “but i am watching”

    Sep 21, 2008 at 9:44 pm   rating: +25