everyone: shut it.

September 22nd, 2008 · 86 comments

“the screen door to our block of flats is broken,” says our anonymous submitter in australia, “which has provoked some rather unique responses from my fellow residents.”

everyone: shut it.

related: but who’s counting?

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FILED UNDER: australia · elevator · jesus · opening/closing · saga


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86 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Dare

    Yours in Passive Agressive Jesus Prayer!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 9:59 am   rating: +6  

     
  • #2   claw71

    If you think these notes are long, you should see the messages I post around my building.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 0  

    • #2.1   Holiday Djinn

      Technically smearing fresh shit on the walls in a random fashion is not a “message”.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:37 pm   rating: +19  

       
    • #2.2   Bellabeastie

      What if they smeared some cheese on the door?

      That would keep the thieves away…

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #2.3   JesFoolin

      Technically smearing fresh cum on the door is not “cheese”.

      Jes

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:46 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #2.4   AuntyBron

      It’s an editorial comment.

      Sep 24, 2008 at 12:45 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #3   aaa

    I can’t tell if that last sign talking about Jesus is being facetious or not. :c

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: +4  

     
  • #4   GhostWriter

    I don’t remember Jesus preaching, “Look beyond the sliding door.” I think that was Morpheus.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:07 am   rating: +12  

    • #4.1   park rose

      Or Aldous Huxley.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:49 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #4.2   bellabeastie

      Or Stephen King.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 11:20 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #4.3   DirtyOldLady

      I was thinking it had to be H.P. Lovecraft. :D

      Sep 23, 2008 at 7:18 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #4.4   monstrosity

      I believe Lovecraft would advise NOT looking beyond the sliding door because the horrors concealed behind it could drive a man mad if he but gazed upon them.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #4.5   Mark

      Ia! Ia! Cthulhu f’thagn!

      Sep 23, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #4.6   RunBarbara

      wtf, mark…first you steal my blade runner quote and now you try to summon cthulhu? you need to check yourself, mark. youre dabbling with powers beyond your control.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #5   zchamu

    Leaving the door open makes baby Jesus cry.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: +9  

    • #5.1   Lyanthya

      And then ALL the saviours cry and nobody gets any sleep!

      Sep 23, 2008 at 5:34 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #6   cm

    Why look beyond the sliding glass door to love each other when you could just look through it?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: +7  

    • #6.1   AuntyBron

      Because we cannot look through it. It has been smeared with cheese and various bodily secretions.

      I ain’t touchin’ that nasty thing.

      Sep 24, 2008 at 12:48 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #7   Wade

    If you are relying on a screen door for security, passive aggressive notes are the least of your worries.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:22 am   rating: +43  

    • #7.1   bob

      maybe “screen door” means something different in Australian

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:40 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #7.2   creamy

      Nope.. don’t think so. In Australia they’re little flimsy wire thing meant to keep flies out. Sometimes people have ’secure ones’ - but not normally on an apartment block…

      Sep 22, 2008 at 6:43 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #7.3   creamy

      Mind you.. what kind of apartment block has a sliding door for street access? For a storage cupboard maybe, but the whole building?

      Sep 22, 2008 at 6:50 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #8   Captain Dick

    But I thought Jesus WAS born in a barn…

    Wouldn’t he want the door open?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: +23  

    • #8.1   Beth

      Kumbaya, my door, Kumbaya…..

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: +10  

       
     
  • #9   Mishee

    Jesus H. Christ, those notes piss me off!!

    Not much I can do about it though.

    Except leave a note.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 11:00 am   rating: +8  

     
  • #10   Sheepish

    sometimes love is not the solution to the problem.
    it is not by faith alone that doors are fixed.
    maybe they should pray for the repair man to come and fix the door.
    and by pray i mean call him and ask him to fix it.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: +16  

     
  • #11   Joe

    If you all get together and pray, maybe you will be [i]passed[/i] over by the thieves. Oh, and I think there’s something about spilling blood on the door. Who wants to volunteer?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 11:47 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #12   0falcon8

    everyone mentions shutting the door, but there is no reference to a lock-that’s some security system

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:49 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #13   Canthz_B

    I thought Jesus had an open-door policy.

    Love thy neighbor, but don’t trust that SOB!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:53 pm   rating: +3  

    • #13.1   Holiday Djinn

      not to be confused with Jesus having a backdoor policy.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:36 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #13.2   Yoheimizrahi

      And a four-door policy. Just cause he’s Jesus.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:59 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #13.3   Canthz_B

      Is that back door policy predicted in Doodooronomy?

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:00 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #13.4   Ti O

      Jesus does drive a ‘62 Impala 4- door.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:05 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #13.5   Mark

      Jesus Built My Hotrod.

      I’ve got to ding-a-ding-dang my dang-a-long-ling-long.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:07 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #13.6   park rose

      I thought the backdoor policy was predicted in the tales of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:24-25). ;)

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:53 pm   rating: +8  

       
    • #13.7   Canthz_B

      Oh, fudge! :-)

      Sep 22, 2008 at 7:25 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #13.8   Canthz_B

      “But, your Honor, I did not Sodomize that girl…I Gamorrahized her, and there’s no law against that!”>/i>

      Sep 22, 2008 at 7:33 pm   rating: +6  

       
     
  • #14   secondsout

    The second note points out that a red note that says that when the door is open, it’s unsecured. He then goes on to suggest that a potential thief will suddenly realize that an open door is unsecured.

    What thief needs to be told that an open door is unsecured? Shh, don’t tell thieves that they can walk through an open door!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: +3  

     
  • #15   secondsout

    Note #3 is a passive-aggresive note to lament the profusion of passive-aggressive notes. The circle of irony there is mind-boggling.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:56 pm   rating: +3  

    • #15.1   mrs. pommelhorst

      Makes me want to post a snippety PAN about Jesus freaks just to complete the circle. Or is that too fourth-wall-breaching??

      My brain can’t handle that kind of load. arggg…..

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:23 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #15.2   snee

      PAN meet kettle. kettle, PAN.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:19 pm   rating: +7  

       
     
  • #16   secondsout

    Is there a reason that all three notes are posted lop-sided, or is the photographer just incapable of holding a camera straight?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:59 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #17   paige

    whoa, man. nobody mentioned a busted door until you came in and posted the second note.

    oftentimes i find myself thinking, ‘what would jesus do in this situation?’ and most of the time i feel like he would leave a passive-aggressive note.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:03 pm   rating: +7  

     
  • #18   Canthz_B

    The screen door is a metaphor for the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
    Those who are like us are allowed in, those who differ must be kept out of our Paradise.
    We cannot just allow our metaphorical Pearly Gates to be left open to all…what would Jesus think?!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:03 pm   rating: +2  

    • #18.1   aaa

      I thought it was just the Mormons that were allowed in Heaven.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #18.2   Canthz_B

      They have a separate gated-post-life-community in Utah.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: +6  

       
     
  • #19   VocaPopula

    Nice use of color…unfortunately, now I have La Marseillaise stuck in my head.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:34 pm   rating: +7  

    • #19.1   Ti O

      Whew I thought it was a flash back to my time with Légion étrangère.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:11 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #19.2   katrina

      allons nous enfants de la patrie, la jour de gloire est arrivee…….

      Sep 22, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #20   Quite Contrary

    Prayer this.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:37 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #21   Quite Contrary

    What’s really more important here is…what would Al Gore want? Door open or shut?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #22   Ryan

    Everyone know red signs are the work of the devil.

    Besides, can’t we all just get along?!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 0  

    • #22.1   katrina

      has someone been watching a lil shymalan lately? :)

      Sep 22, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #23   snee

    whenever god closes a door, he opens a window.

    jesus, on the other hand, never remembers to shut the slider. that’s when all the trouble starts!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 4:01 pm   rating: +15  

    • #23.1   Beth

      Mary: Jesus, we’re not paying to air condition the outside!

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: +6  

       
    • #23.2   snee

      just wait till your heavenly father gets home!

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: +18  

       
    • #23.3   Bellabeastie

      Matthew, Mark, Luke & John remember to shut the slider…

      And don’t start with the “I’m Special” again, either.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:45 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #23.4   JesFoolin

      Mary: Jesus, we’re not paying to air condition the outside!

      Jesus: OK mom, I’ll shut the screen door to keep the AC in.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:53 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #23.5   bellabeastie

      Honey can you grab that fish and the water jug, we’re having company tonight. Thanks!

      AND FER CHRISSAKES SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR!!!

      Sep 22, 2008 at 11:33 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #23.6   aaa

      YOU LEAVE MY DAD OUT OF THIS!

      Sep 22, 2008 at 11:45 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #23.7   bellabeastie

      Don’t you talk back to me - you know Pilate’s very friendly with the neighbors. And with that broken door, well, who knows WHAT they’ll do.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #24   glastonberry

    Ahhh yes, a crooked, blurry photo is the perfect comment on crooked, blurry logic. Maestro!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 4:38 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #25   Goldie

    Hey EVERYONE!
    Our door is busted. The lock is not working. Come on in for steamy sessions of indiscriminate, unprotected love with random apartment residents. We are concerned it’s taking you so long!
    Signed,
    Want you to bang us like a screen door in the wind.
    PS. We are all in this together.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 5:55 pm   rating: +7  

     
  • #26   amy d

    Why can’t we all just shut the screen door?!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 7:14 pm   rating: +2