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Everyone: shut it.

September 22nd, 2008 · 89 comments

“The screen door to our block of flats is broken,” says our anonymous submitter in Australia, “which has provoked some rather unique responses from my fellow residents.”

(Just click the image below to enlarge)

related: But who’s counting?

FILED UNDER: Australia · elevator · Jesus · opening/closing · saga

89 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Dare

    Yours in Passive Agressive Jesus Prayer!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 9:59 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #2   claw71 bang

    If you think these notes are long, you should see the messages I post around my building.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Holiday Djinn

      Technically smearing fresh shit on the walls in a random fashion is not a “message”.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:37 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Bellabeastie

      What if they smeared some cheese on the door?

      That would keep the thieves away…

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   JesFoolin

      Technically smearing fresh cum on the door is not “cheese”.


      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   AuntyBron

      It’s an editorial comment.

      Sep 24, 2008 at 12:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #3   aaa

    I can’t tell if that last sign talking about Jesus is being facetious or not. :c

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   GhostWriter bang

    I don’t remember Jesus preaching, “Look beyond the sliding door.” I think that was Morpheus.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:07 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   park rose bang

      Or Aldous Huxley.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   bellabeastie

      Or Stephen King.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 11:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   DirtyOldLady bang

      I was thinking it had to be H.P. Lovecraft. :D

      Sep 23, 2008 at 7:18 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   monstrosity

      I believe Lovecraft would advise NOT looking beyond the sliding door because the horrors concealed behind it could drive a man mad if he but gazed upon them.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   Mark bang

      Ia! Ia! Cthulhu f’thagn!

      Sep 23, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   RunBarbara bang

      wtf, mark…first you steal my blade runner quote and now you try to summon cthulhu? you need to check yourself, mark. youre dabbling with powers beyond your control.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #5   zchamu

    Leaving the door open makes baby Jesus cry.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Lyanthya bang

      And then ALL the saviours cry and nobody gets any sleep!

      Sep 23, 2008 at 5:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   cm

    Why look beyond the sliding glass door to love each other when you could just look through it?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   AuntyBron

      Because we cannot look through it. It has been smeared with cheese and various bodily secretions.

      I ain’t touchin’ that nasty thing.

      Sep 24, 2008 at 12:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   Wade bang

    If you are relying on a screen door for security, passive aggressive notes are the least of your worries.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:22 am   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   bob

      maybe “screen door” means something different in Australian

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   creamy

      Nope.. don’t think so. In Australia they’re little flimsy wire thing meant to keep flies out. Sometimes people have ‘secure ones’ – but not normally on an apartment block…

      Sep 22, 2008 at 6:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   creamy

      Mind you.. what kind of apartment block has a sliding door for street access? For a storage cupboard maybe, but the whole building?

      Sep 22, 2008 at 6:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #8   Captain Dick

    But I thought Jesus WAS born in a barn…

    Wouldn’t he want the door open?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Beth

      Kumbaya, my door, Kumbaya…..

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #9   Mishee bang

    Jesus H. Christ, those notes piss me off!!

    Not much I can do about it though.

    Except leave a note.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 11:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   Sheepish bang

    sometimes love is not the solution to the problem.
    it is not by faith alone that doors are fixed.
    maybe they should pray for the repair man to come and fix the door.
    and by pray i mean call him and ask him to fix it.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #11   Joe

    If you all get together and pray, maybe you will be [i]passed[/i] over by the thieves. Oh, and I think there’s something about spilling blood on the door. Who wants to volunteer?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 11:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Jako

      ooooh, ooooh!
      Me, me!

      Jul 20, 2009 at 7:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   0falcon8 bang

    everyone mentions shutting the door, but there is no reference to a lock-that’s some security system

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    I thought Jesus had an open-door policy.

    Love thy neighbor, but don’t trust that SOB!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Holiday Djinn

      not to be confused with Jesus having a backdoor policy.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Yoheimizrahi bang

      And a four-door policy. Just cause he’s Jesus.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      Is that back door policy predicted in Doodooronomy?

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Ti O bang

      Jesus does drive a ’62 Impala 4- door.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   Mark bang

      Jesus Built My Hotrod.

      I’ve got to ding-a-ding-dang my dang-a-long-ling-long.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   park rose bang

      I thought the backdoor policy was predicted in the tales of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:24-25). ;)

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:53 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.7   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, fudge! :-)

      Sep 22, 2008 at 7:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.8   Canthz_B bang

      “But, your Honor, I did not Sodomize that girl…I Gamorrahized her, and there’s no law against that!”>/i>

      Sep 22, 2008 at 7:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #14   secondsout bang

    The second note points out that a red note that says that when the door is open, it’s unsecured. He then goes on to suggest that a potential thief will suddenly realize that an open door is unsecured.

    What thief needs to be told that an open door is unsecured? Shh, don’t tell thieves that they can walk through an open door!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   secondsout bang

    Note #3 is a passive-aggresive note to lament the profusion of passive-aggressive notes. The circle of irony there is mind-boggling.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   mrs. pommelhorst

      Makes me want to post a snippety PAN about Jesus freaks just to complete the circle. Or is that too fourth-wall-breaching??

      My brain can’t handle that kind of load. arggg…..

      Sep 22, 2008 at 3:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   snee bang

      PAN meet kettle. kettle, PAN.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:19 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #16   secondsout bang

    Is there a reason that all three notes are posted lop-sided, or is the photographer just incapable of holding a camera straight?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 2:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   paige bang

    whoa, man. nobody mentioned a busted door until you came in and posted the second note.

    oftentimes i find myself thinking, ‘what would jesus do in this situation?’ and most of the time i feel like he would leave a passive-aggressive note.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    The screen door is a metaphor for the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
    Those who are like us are allowed in, those who differ must be kept out of our Paradise.
    We cannot just allow our metaphorical Pearly Gates to be left open to all…what would Jesus think?!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   aaa

      I thought it was just the Mormons that were allowed in Heaven.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Canthz_B bang

      They have a separate gated-post-life-community in Utah.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #19   VocaPopula

    Nice use of color…unfortunately, now I have La Marseillaise stuck in my head.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Ti O bang

      Whew I thought it was a flash back to my time with Légion étrangère.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   katrina

      allons nous enfants de la patrie, la jour de gloire est arrivee…….

      Sep 22, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #20   Quite Contrary

    Prayer this.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   Quite Contrary

    What’s really more important here is…what would Al Gore want? Door open or shut?

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #22   Ryan

    Everyone know red signs are the work of the devil.

    Besides, can’t we all just get along?!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   katrina

      has someone been watching a lil shymalan lately? :)

      Sep 22, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   snee bang

    whenever god closes a door, he opens a window.

    jesus, on the other hand, never remembers to shut the slider. that’s when all the trouble starts!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 4:01 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Beth

      Mary: Jesus, we’re not paying to air condition the outside!

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   snee bang

      just wait till your heavenly father gets home!

      Sep 22, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   Bellabeastie

      Matthew, Mark, Luke & John remember to shut the slider…

      And don’t start with the “I’m Special” again, either.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.4   JesFoolin

      Mary: Jesus, we’re not paying to air condition the outside!

      Jesus: OK mom, I’ll shut the screen door to keep the AC in.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 5:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.5   bellabeastie

      Honey can you grab that fish and the water jug, we’re having company tonight. Thanks!


      Sep 22, 2008 at 11:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.6   aaa


      Sep 22, 2008 at 11:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.7   bellabeastie

      Don’t you talk back to me – you know Pilate’s very friendly with the neighbors. And with that broken door, well, who knows WHAT they’ll do.

      Sep 22, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #24   glastonberry

    Ahhh yes, a crooked, blurry photo is the perfect comment on crooked, blurry logic. Maestro!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 4:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Goldie

    Our door is busted. The lock is not working. Come on in for steamy sessions of indiscriminate, unprotected love with random apartment residents. We are concerned it’s taking you so long!
    Want you to bang us like a screen door in the wind.
    PS. We are all in this together.

    Sep 22, 2008 at 5:55 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #26   amy d bang

    Why can’t we all just shut the screen door?!

    Sep 22, 2008 at 7:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #27   aaa

    Do you think Jesus ever gets tired of people using him as support for whatever stupid argument he has? I’m imagining him sitting in front of the computer, reading PAN, and thinking “Jesus fucking Christ, why don’t they just leave me the hell out of it?”

    Sep 22, 2008 at 11:43 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Miss Unloop

      Wouldn’t that be “me fucking me!”?

      Sep 23, 2008 at 12:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   aaa

      Pretty much, but then that would be too much like the punchline in some crappy cartoon.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.3   jackie31337

      That would be Attack of the Clonefucker.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 5:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   John in IL

    “the relentless passive aggression” is “beyond belief”? So we should believe in Jesus instead?

    Sep 23, 2008 at 1:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #29   Rach

    Hello, fellow parishioners:
    I did skip over the first few comments, but am I the only one that sees the hilarious sarcasm in the third note? Or is that an Australian understanding Australians thing?
    Yours in Jesus,


    Sep 23, 2008 at 6:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   park rose bang

      The sarcasm was a bit blurry so it was difficult to pick up. :)

      PS: wouldn’t it be better if Jesus was in you? How did you swing that one?

      Sep 23, 2008 at 6:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.2   aaa

      I couldn’t decide if it was sarcasm or not since I’ve run across some people who actually say and think things like that. (Seriously.) :/

      Well, I could figure out how one could manage a “Yours in Jesus,” but God would strike me down if I thought about it any more.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 6:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.3   chickenspittle

      I think it would be really rare for an Australian to say that with a straight face, even Christians, so yeah, I’m inclined to think it’s sarcastic. Sort of an American-evangelical take-off.

      Oct 8, 2008 at 3:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   claw71 bang

    The building was supposed to be secure and at one time it was. Early on it was a brand new apartment building with state-of-the art amenities. It was such a wonderful building that it commanded some of the highest rents in the area and not one unit went unoccupied. People actually paid a fee to be on the waiting list.

    But time goes by and soon bigger and better buildings went up. The waiting list quickly shrank and months could go by before somebody even looked at a vacant flat. The building still had some charm but as revenue dried up the owners invested less and less into upkeep.

    That’s when the building started to doubt itself. With clogged gutters, unkempt landscaping and peeling paint it was no longer charming but rather old and quite weathered; dated and tacky. People didn’t look at it the same way. Nobody wants to live in an insecure building but how do you make an old building feel secure when its confidence has been shattered?

    Sep 23, 2008 at 9:03 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   bellabeastie

      Maybe an emergency phone call to Ty Pennington and the crew?

      He specializes in that shit.

      Bring on the bulldozers – he’ll give that insecure building a makeover in no time.

      Sep 23, 2008 at 4:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #31   VocaPopula

    Aussi, fermez la porte ou vous inciterez le bébé Jèsus á pleurer.

    Argh, meant that to be a nested comment. Merde!

    Sep 23, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #32   se

    The second note mentions the “walking passed”. Is this a PC way of saying that the area is haunted by dead people?

    Sep 23, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #33   Frankie bang

    When exactly are we going to start loving eachother? * unzips jeans*

    Sep 23, 2008 at 11:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #34   poopsocks

    it weirds me out that their handwriting is all similar. they’re probably all related.

    Sep 23, 2008 at 10:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #35   Shatlock holmes

    I think it’s clear the third note was intentionally written with this website in mind. It was the poster’s intention to toss in a little humour, irony, sarcasm et al knowing he/she would snap the pics and post on here.

    There are many clues which point to my conclusion.

    And yes, it should not wierd you out that the scribe is similar across all three notes. Close up anal-ysis reveals identical ‘r’ strokes and other similarities. Something fishy going on around here…

    Sep 23, 2008 at 11:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #36   Shatlock holmes

    Upon further anal-ysis, the three notes above are further revealed to be a hoax for several clear-cut reasons.

    Three similarly sized pieces of paper, 3 different writers? Coincidental? Each note is stuck on the wall in the same manner, with the same length of tape. Too coincidental – this technique suggests a pattern eminating from the same person, who thought they could fool by changing tape from note to note. Each note closely and symmetrically aligned similarly points to a one person job.

    The poor quality photo suggests the photographer was in a hurry – to take the pictures and take down the notes, before someone came along.

    Too many holes and discrepancies in the storyline. Screendoor? Or security door? Sliding door? The second note suggests the notes are on the outside of the building, but clearly they are indoors, and not actually “on” the door as the same second note claims. The author clearly wrote three notes out at once (obvious from the clear intonations and scribe across all three notes) with a view to taking them downstairs and putting them on a door, then snapping them to put on this website.

    However, I conjecture when it came to time to post all three notes down in the lobby near the door for the set-up shot, he/she changed location at the last minute for fear of being seen playing some hoax by a resident entering or leaving. Hence he/she went for a wall shot, just out of view of the main thoroughfare. The red note however, should in theory be “on” the door.

    Finally, the mere mention of passive-aggression in a note is unusual in this context, given the clear-cut and circumstantial evidence they are a hoax. It suggests the author of all three notes clearly had some misplaced desire for attention to post them on this site, for a reaction I has it a guess.

    Ok, so I have too much time on my hands too.

    Sep 24, 2008 at 1:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   stripes

      Someone clearly has a little too much time and still isn’t think all that clearly.
      Firstly, I never knew that people weren’t allowed to use the same size paper as other people, it’s called A4…

      Similarly often things are aligned, when they are say, I don’t know… in a line?

      Inside, how do you know? Last time I checked buildings often had walls on the outside too.

      I could go on, but I have better things to do.

      Sep 24, 2008 at 6:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.2   Wade bang

      Beautiful theory.

      As long as you overlook that fact that the handwriting is completely different for each note.


      Sep 24, 2008 at 6:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #36.3   Shatlock holmes

      Not sure which notes you are referring to, but…there are so many similarities and identical strokes in the notes, it is beyond doubt from the same author.

      If you know anything about photography, you’d know the shots above were taken indoors.

      And clearly the ‘author’ of the second note was referring to a supposed letter on a DOOR OUTSIDE a BUILDING where people walk past. No notes are on any door. The guy/girl sat down and wrote all the notes at once, with an intention to stick them on a door and produce something ‘funny’. Didn’t work.

      Stripes – look at every single other post on here where multiple notes are used. Nearly 99% of time, people don’t bother lining them up (and especially not three ‘seperate’ people). Human behaviour naturally inclines people to stick notes up haphazardly, especially anonymous notes. The alignment suggests (not 100% confirms) a one person job.

      There are another approx 50 things that point to this being a hoax as well, but oddly enough, I too don’t have that much time.

      Just my opinion, but one I’d almost stake my life on.

      Sep 25, 2008 at 12:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #36.4   Shatlock holmes

      * one little addendum.

      The whole storyline flowing through the notes is massively flawed as well.

      Is the door broken or not? The first note is just saying shut the door, that is all. The second note is claiming a broken door, but then goes on to say shut the door as well.

      Is the sliding door broken and will not shut? If so, why the notes to shut it? The intitial note is simply saying shut the door – no suggestion of anything broken.

      Second, jack all apartment buildings in Aus have sliding security/screen doors as the main entry. It’s absurb to suggest they do, as these type of doors are not condusive to security measures for frequent opening and closing.

      Third, look at the soft plaster of the wall the notes are on – the outside of buildings do not have this type of render or plasterboard. It is indoors, and on a wall.

      I can guarantee this is a hoax.

      Sep 25, 2008 at 1:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #37   A-Rod

    SUGGESTION: Add another sign, but on blue paper this time, and state they saw the need for a blue piece of paper so it would look more patriotic, then sign it “A Patriotic Concerned Resident.” I would so do this if I lived in the building.

    Sep 26, 2008 at 5:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #38   Cap J

    All these comments and no one mentions the backwards N in note #3?

    And yes I know how old this thread is. I only found this webite the other day.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 2:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #39   Rape, Burgle, Murder!! |

    [...] related: Everyone: shut it [...]

    Jan 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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