a filthy hap pit

September 23rd, 2008 · 205 comments

reports daikiki in redwood city, california: “two days after this note was slipped under the door of every apartment in the building, a second one appeared informing the tenants that said property manager was no longer employed as such.”

related: a deep-seated issue

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FILED UNDER: "up for debate" · all clogged up · california · clearly a non-native english-speaker · toilet · wtf?

205 responses so far ↓

#1 Fresca

You sure you don’t mean Redwood City, China? Because I could totally see that there.

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:32 am rating: +7

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- #1.1 Mishee
  
  You’ve obviously never been to Redwood City. Although I guess I am a little surprised, this must be in the nicer part of town since there was no mentions of tortilla making late in the night or pinata mess left on the ground outside.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:46 am rating: +6
- #1.2 Lazlo
  
  Oh, because there’s lots of Mexicans there! Bon mot!
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 12:13 pm rating: +7
- #1.3 Holiday Djinn
  
  The amount of mexican food available is directly proportional to the amount of toilet paper used.
  
  Boyle’s Third law of TP use.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: +36
- #1.4 bean
  
  People keep wondering what it means now that China owns so much of us; he was just getting everyone ready.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 1:02 pm rating: +2
- #1.5 zchamu
  
  It’s not China. It’s Sweden. This whole thing smacks of “a moose once bit my sister”… we’ve sacked the person in charge of sacking the person in charge of the toilet paper use…
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 12:05 pm rating: +5
- #1.6 Mishee
  
  No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”… Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti…
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: +8
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#2 bikerbabeee

They should have been using the kitchen napkins in there.

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: +1

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- #2.1 Holiday Djinn
  
  When TP is not an option i prefer:
  
  1. Bidet
  2. Playboy Centerfold
  3. my partner’s tongue.
  
  All have there own unique +’s and -’s.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 12:42 pm rating: +12
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#3 Dare

Throw your TP out the sliding door damnit!

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: +18

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#4 Dare

Gack! A dupe!!!

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: +1

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#5 Maddy

So that’s what the air dryers are for then!
Cheers

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:34 am rating: +2

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#6 claw71

What’s this toilet paper everybody keeps talking about?

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:36 am rating: +33

reply to this comment
- #6.1 JesFoolin
  
  AIG, Lehman, Bear Stearns stock certificates.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:56 pm rating: +14
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#7 Frankie

My butt has been super itchy since we did away with the TP, but I’m saving money and damnit, that’s the only thing that matters!

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:38 am rating: +9

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#8 Shae

Seems at least expectable, if not acceptible.

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:38 am rating: +5

reply to this comment
- #8.1 Mishee
  
  Or even acceptable…
  
  Think before you criticize.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: +27
- #8.2 jelloegg
  
  Or was it “keep your own nose clean before you nag others”?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:50 am rating: +1
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#9 amy d

The memo is damn near incomprehensible.

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: +6

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#10 mere

no, it is NOT expectable, not expectable at all.

and what exactly is a hap pit? a pit of hap?

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: 0

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- #10.1 Mishee
  
  I always said smoking is a dirty hap pit too.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:47 am rating: +5
- #10.2 amazon
  
  Clearly, not throwing tp in the toilet (or throwing away anything at all) is a much cleaner hap pit.
  
  http://www.houston-imports.com/dirty/dirty.html
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 12:13 pm rating: +1
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#11 Jill

I used to go to a nail salon that had a sign in the bathroom about not putting toilet paper in the toilet. This does not compute. Why are people making toilets into which you cannot throw toilet paper? That is just wrong!!

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:42 am rating: +8

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- #11.1 snee
  
  the paper is clearly labeled “toilet” paper, is it not? right, so put it in the toilet.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:47 am rating: +3
- #11.2 bean
  
  Unless it’s labeled bathroom tissue, and then it’s something else entirely.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 1:11 pm rating: +6
- #11.3 BurstingAtTheSeams
  
  Some older plumbing systems can’t handle massive amounts of toilet paper. Some of my friends in New England live in places where they can’t flush toilet paper because the plumbing is so old. I’ve seen what happens when they forget, and it’s not pretty.
  
  I can’t imagine Redwood having this same issue - but then again, I dont’ know what’s expectable there.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 8:55 pm rating: +2
- #11.4 Canthz_B
  
  The only time I’ve ever had a TP flushing issue was when Maple tree roots compromised our sewer pipe from the house to the main. The plumber reamed it out for $130 and we never had a problem again. This is in New Jersey, USA.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 9:02 pm rating: 0
- #11.5 anonymous
  
  There are a lot of countries and cities with either extremely old or extremely poor-quality plumbing that honestly just cannot handle toilet paper. Most places in central and south america have tiny garbage cans next to all of the toilets because their sewers just can’t handle it.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 10:53 pm rating: +4
- #11.6 Canthz_B
  
  That is so true, anonymous.
  That’s why Jody got into trouble here earlier today, not recognizing that the world does not consist universally of some of the things we take for granted here in the “developed world”.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 10:58 pm rating: 0
- #11.7 aaa
  
  But CB, everybody knows that everybody in every country on the planet does things just like the US does. I mean, we are the fucking greatestest country in the world and every other country looks up to us and wants to be exactly like us. Not being able to flush TP after eating McDonald’s? Well that’s just crazy.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:18 pm rating: +9
- #11.8 Canthz_B
  
  Yeah, I saw something like that on the last page of my social studies book in 6th grade, but I was absent the day the lesson was taught, fortunately.
  
  (I got your joke, aaa…just funnin’ )
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:23 pm rating: 0
- #11.9 Mishee
  
  aaa you are right… I just can’t imagine how the countries WITHOUT McDonalds survive…
  
  I mean, how do you eat on the go while you are driving your SUV over to the tanning salon? I thank GOD we have two cup holders so we don’t have to throw our Starbucks out on the side of the freeway! And that way we don’t spill anything while we are busy texting someone and changing the radio station at the same time…
  
  Hey, if I get into an accident, I have a myriad of companies I can place the blame on (Starbucks, McDonalds, T-Mobile, Firestone, Ford, and of course, if I stretch it, the tanning salon) - then I can afford enough TP to clog my toilet for the rest of my life!!
  
  Isn’t America grand???
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:53 pm rating: +8
- #11.10 A+
  
  I grew up in a house with an old septic tank. We couldn’t flush paper. It wasn’t that bad. You just place fresh trash bags in the covered cans daily.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 12:37 am rating: +1
- #11.11 Mishee
  
  A+ - You have obviously never suffered from IBS.
  
  It would be a big deal then.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: +1
- #11.12 aaa
  
  Je sais, CB.
  But if you can afford to eat Big Macs in your SUV, you can also afford not to have IBS. I mean, it’s not as if intestines are an integral part of human anatomy or anything. There are ways around normal human physiology if you have enough money and a big enough sense of entitlement.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:27 am rating: 0
- #11.13 amy d
  
  Hey aaa, I was on this website the other day and I thought to myself, I bet aaa would love this! So, please enjoy!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:47 am rating: 0
- #11.14 aaa
  
  Shame on you! You shall not convert me to your evil pun-loving faith! My anti-pun god shall strike you down! Right… about… now.
  
  …
  
  Any minute now…
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 10:21 am rating: 0
- #11.15 amy d
  
  The conversion has already begun. You made a pun the other day.
  
  Oh, and made you look!
  
  *sticks tongue out at aaa*
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 10:27 am rating: 0
- #11.16 park rose
  
  @11.14: That’s a pretty punitive kind of god, isn’t it, aaa?
  
  *evil cackle… or groan, if one can groan evilly…*
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 10:49 am rating: 0
- #11.17 aaa
  
  One can groan evilly. It kinda sounds like an asthma attack.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:01 pm rating: +1
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#12 snee

writing p-a notes about throwing toilet paper in toilets is a bad hap pit.

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:44 am rating: +3

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#13 The Mayor of Bethville

Maybe they want it enclosed with the rent checks every month?

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:46 am rating: +45

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#14 HS

Your engrish is unexpectable.

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: +10

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- #14.1 aaa
  
  But if you the toilet paper no more, we would no be in the having of hap pit to cost us the money when fixing toilet.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: +9
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#15 aaa

Soooo… They got low-flows to save money but realized that it would cost more money to fix them when they crap out (no pun intended) than just to have a good fixture in the first place.

You know, there was an episode of King of the Hill about that. If only people would learn from the mistakes of animated characters on TV…

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: +16

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- #15.1 anglophile
  
  Just admit it, triple a. That pun was intentional. And after all your pun nay-saying a few threads back!
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: +5
- #15.2 aaa
  
  Blasphemy! I never pun intentionally! Except when I’m channeling Shakespeare, but I’m not feeling that witty today. :c
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 12:32 pm rating: 0
- #15.3 Canthz_B
  
  If the pun was really unintended, you would have chosen different words, not said “no pun intended” when you realized a pun existed.
  Just admit that puns can be fun once in a while. “Crap out” was funnier than “break down” would have been!
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 1:56 pm rating: +4
- #15.4 denimhead
  
  Low flow toilets are evil. Completely useless when you’re having an elephantine poo.
  
  Which, um, happens to me a lot.
  
  DH
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 2:36 pm rating: +2
- #15.5 Holiday Djinn
  
  And elephants, though popular in African cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington, D.C.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 3:20 pm rating: +7
- #15.6 RunBarbara
  
  1+2+2+1
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 3:34 pm rating: +7
- #15.7 sos
  
  flames, flaming up the side of my face…
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 3:58 pm rating: +7
- #15.8 amazon
  
  Husbands should be like Kleenex - soft, strong and disposable.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 4:33 pm rating: +5
- #15.9 RunBarbara
  
  well…i had to stop her from screaming!
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 4:34 pm rating: +6
- #15.10 amazon
  
  Aww, we should all have a slumber party and netflix Clue!
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 4:43 pm rating: +3
- #15.11 Fresca
  
  Oh, who cares? That guy doesn’t matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then and there are two dead bodies in the study!!
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 4:44 pm rating: +2
- #15.12 RunBarbara
  
  Mrs. Peacock was a man?
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 4:55 pm rating: +3
- #15.13 Fresca
  
  A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 6:16 pm rating: +4
- #15.14 sos
  
  Wadsworth: Mrs. White, you’ve been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances?
  Miss Scarlet: Ah!
  [laughs]
  Mrs. White: Why is that funny?
  Miss Scarlet: I see! That’s why he was lying on his back, in his coffin.
  Mrs. White: I didn’t kill him.
  Colonel Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer?
  Mrs. White: I dont want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was
  [points to head]
  Mrs. White: a lunatic! He didn’t actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.
  Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?
  Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:38 am rating: +2
- #15.15 sos
  
  i have GOT to buy this movie now. i miss it. *sniff*
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:38 am rating: 0
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#16 snee

WWAGD?

would al gore flush toilet paper? or, would he poop directly onto a compost pile and put the paper on top?

Sep 23, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #16.1 aaa
  
  Al Gore would tell you to poop directly onto a compost pile (no paper, though, since that kills trees), but secretly he would be pooping into his state-of-the-art solid gold crapper imported from Japan.
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 11:52 am rating: +19
- #16.2 Futon
  
  Do you think the former manager meant pleasure instead of pressure?
  
  Sep 23, 2008 at 10:01 pm rating: 0

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

a filthy hap pit

September 23rd, 2008 · 205 comments

205 responses so far ↓