there are only 10 types of people in the world…those who remember to bathe regularly, and those who don’t.

September 24th, 2008 · 200 comments

“neumont is a strictly computer-science college located on the second and third floors of an office building,” writes jared in south jordan, utah. it’s therefore a point of pride for neumonters that out of several hundred CS students, “there are [only] a few who seem to forget to shower for a few weeks at a time.”

related: WoW, indeed

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FILED UNDER: hair · hygiene · thanks (but not really) · utah

200 responses so far ↓

#1 Bunnee

Wait until the guy with the greasy hair sees this note and in retaliation starts FARTING in the elevator. No more great elevator rides!!

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:37 pm rating: +10

reply to this comment
- #1.1 RunBarbara
  
  when i want to realiate against comments about my hair, i usually cut a clump of it off and wrap it up with wire and bits of fingernail. then i leave it for the person who commented with a note that says: “tonight.”
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 12:56 pm rating: +28
- #1.2 jackie31337
  
  Careful, they’re charging people with assault for that now.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 3:10 am rating: +3
- #1.3 Bunnee
  
  un.be.liev.able.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 4:16 pm rating: 0
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#2 amy d

It’s a sad reflection of what you deal with every day when you feel compelled to thank people for good personal hygiene.

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:45 pm rating: +11

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- #2.1 Frankie
  
  Are we doing that now? I better get started. Thank you for smelling nice amy! It’s a pleasure to be your Troll. Claw… have you ever even seen real soap?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:40 pm rating: +1
- #2.2 Numinous
  
  Claw doesn’t need soap. He gets tongue baths… from dogs.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: +4
- #2.3 claw71
  
  Come on, Numinous, don’t be so down on yourself. No, you’re not “conventionally” attractive but I wouldn’t call you a dog.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:45 pm rating: +21
- #2.4 Numinous
  
  You weren’t complaining the other night. In fact, you were quite vocal in your appreciation.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:53 pm rating: +3
- #2.5 claw71
  
  “Such a good girl.Yes you are. Numinous is such a good little girl.”
  
  Are you turned on again, too?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:59 pm rating: +3
- #2.6 Numinous
  
  Darlin’, I’m always turned on. It’s a chronic condition.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:02 pm rating: +1
- #2.7 secondsout
  
  Numinous suffers from the black snake moan? Whoa!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:12 pm rating: +1
- #2.8 Numinous
  
  I wouldn’t exactly say that I suffer. I think it’s kinda fun, in a distracting sort of way.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:27 pm rating: +1
- #2.9 aims
  
  Dear fellow hot-tubbers. I wish to thank those of you who shaved their legs today–it made my hot tub experience so much nicer—especially you, Bob!
  Aims
  
  Sep 29, 2008 at 4:16 pm rating: 0
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#3 kesh

hmmm….Working in a building where ppl need a congratulatory note when they shower… sounds like a great reason to start taking the stairs.

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:47 pm rating: +3

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- #3.1 amazon
  
  As long as they don’t start asking for tips for having showered.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: +5
- #3.2 wright
  
  You’d be surprised, amazon… No, wait; if you’ve been reading this blog for more than a day or so, you’re unlikely to be surprised. By then you’ve already passed through the phases of shock, outrage, disgust and amusement.
  
  Anyhoo, with a minimum of incentive, those hygiene challenged Mormons and gentiles will be asking for tips. People are funny that way.
  
  Just look at Mishee and claw, who abuse entire cities, nay continents, yet we come back for more.
  
  A wise woman once said: “This is the Internet; all the happy people are in sports bars.”
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 10:16 pm rating: +2
- #3.3 Mishee
  
  The only continents I abuse deserve it.
  
  That goes for the cities also. I mean, some places just shouldn’t exist…
  
  The fact that they do only gives me more fodder to make fun of them with, and that I believe, makes ALL of us happy.
  
  Am I wrong?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:11 am rating: +1
- #3.4 Canthz_B
  
  I used to put catsup on hot dogs…but wait, that’s condiment abuse!
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:19 am rating: +1
- #3.5 Canthz_B
  
  I’d take the stairs rather than share an elevator with people who type ppl as if it were a word.
  
  Sep 26, 2008 at 2:04 am rating: 0
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#4 fantasy

I once heard a joke about midgets in elevators, well they really do get the worst of it, being so short and all, you know down low……

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: +2

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- #4.1 Joe
  
  And their “you hair smells nice today” compliments are a little awkward, too.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:35 pm rating: +43
- #4.2 Bunnee
  
  What’s even more awkward is when they say “your hair LOOKS nice today”.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 4:19 pm rating: 0
- #4.3 claw71
  
  Not quite as awkward as when one of them takes the first swipe at a dead horse.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 4:22 pm rating: +1
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#5 snee

Thanks to all the Neumont U folks who were kind enough to take the English Basics class. That made the elevator PAN great; there were no run-on sentences or problematic apostrophes.

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:51 pm rating: +14

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- #5.1 RunBarbara
  
  well, you can tell more people they are wrong if you’re fluent in java script, html and english.
  you can also live a long, lonely, sad little life filled with microwave dinners and Buffy: Season 1 from Netflix.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 12:58 pm rating: +3
- #5.2 snee
  
  buffy? *scoff scoff* i serve my lean cuisine for one with a side of heroes: season 2 in hd. um, wait. nevermind.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:03 pm rating: +5
- #5.3 Numinous
  
  Um, there was an apostrophe blunder. Who’s instead whose.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:42 pm rating: +2
- #5.4 snee
  
  um, there was a run-on sentence, too.
  
  sarcasm, meet numinous. numinous, sarcasm.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm rating: +9
- #5.5 Numinous
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:55 pm rating: 0
- #5.6 claw71
  
  Couldn’t find the middle finger emoticon, Num?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:01 pm rating: +4
- #5.7 Numinous
  
  Well, I was trying to stick my tongue out at him in a rude and juvenile way, but I forgot it automatically transforms into a retarded smiley.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:03 pm rating: 0
- #5.8 snee
  
  i’ve got your middle finger emoticon RIGHT HERE!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm rating: +2
- #5.9 Numinous
  
  I generally have better uses for fingers, but I don’t think you’re my type.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:28 pm rating: +2
- #5.10 snee
  
  aw, it is true that i don’t have a snee-snake…but i have one or two delicious qualities…
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:33 pm rating: 0
- #5.11 Numinous
  
  I suppose I could take you for a test drive.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:40 pm rating: 0
- #5.12 snee
  
  and then all you’ll be smelling is my rich, corinthian leather!
  
  (yeah, i know that doesn’t make sense. don’t judge me.)
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:06 pm rating: +3
- #5.13 aims
  
  I was just trying to give you the middle finger when I discovered how soft and clean your hair was!
  Eric the Midget
  
  Sep 29, 2008 at 4:19 pm rating: +1
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#6 RunBarbara

in my experience, computer-science people don’t tend to have the best hygiene. its the same as comic book nerds.
“why would i take a shower when the new issue of punisher: war journal came out? for crying out loud, i have to read it so i can start correcting people on the internet about their mistaken opinions! excelsior!”

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:51 pm rating: +9

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- #6.1 fantasy
  
  Had me smelling my pits there RB, there is a new note on Pan!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 12:55 pm rating: 0
- #6.2 Holiday Djinn
  
  You have smelled nothing until you have been to a large Magic The Gathering Grand Prix event, or Gaming convention!
  
  Think about over 1000 hot, smelly geeks throwing around cards in a usually non-airconditioned event hall.
  
  Seriously, i have taken to carrying around lysol.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:21 pm rating: 0
- #6.3 RunBarbara
  
  i see your Nerd Poker event and raise you a Comic-Con…in San Diego…in 101 degree heat wave…with a broken air conditioner. The air is thick with the smell of puppy breath, french fry grease and pre-cum from the Women of X-Men booth…
  really, there is no competition.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:27 pm rating: +18
- #6.4 Bunnee
  
  All of those other things sound pretty nasty, but puppy breath? I actually kind of enjoy that smell…(does that make me a weirdo?)
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:35 pm rating: 0
- #6.5 CremeBrulee
  
  Do you have to eat a puppy to get puppy breath?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: +11
- #6.6 CremeBrulee
  
  Speaking of puppy breath:
  
  http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/09/baby-eats-dog-i.html
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:43 pm rating: 0
- #6.7 amazon
  
  Is that better than pussy breath?
  
  http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2006/06/cuteoverload_ma.html
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:56 pm rating: 0
- #6.8 Holiday Djinn
  
  CURSES!!!!!
  
  You win this time runbarbara!
  
  You will NOT be so lucky in the future!!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:55 pm rating: +1
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#7 Mishee

Computer Science people shower?

Wow.

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:54 pm rating: +4

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#8 bean

Seriously, computer science school? All but ONE bathed that day. What are the odds? I woulda bet against it.

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:55 pm rating: +4

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#9 snee

shouldn’t this note have been word-processed?

Sep 24, 2008 at 12:56 pm rating: +15

reply to this comment
- #9.1 Eric B.
  
  Actually, this note should’ve been Twittered.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 6:37 pm rating: +1
- #9.2 snee
  
  and backed up on a flash drive.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 10:49 pm rating: +2
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#10 Holiday Djinn

I get the feeling this guy is really just a pervert who is into smelling random women’s hair, and underarms.

He should contact mishee.

Sep 24, 2008 at 1:01 pm rating: 0

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- #10.1 snee
  
  this is definitely feminine writing. so she is really just a pervert who is into smelling random women’s hair and underarms.
  
  She is mishee!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:06 pm rating: +3
- #10.2 Mishee
  
  what about smelling the hair in my underarms?
  
  It smells like Secret: Glacier Mist.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:11 pm rating: +2
- #10.3 amy d
  
  Your underarms smell like Teen Secret?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:18 pm rating: +1
- #10.4 RunBarbara
  
  no, but she has a teen secret under her bed…that smells like urine and KY.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:21 pm rating: +2
- #10.5 amy d
  
  What does Kentucky smell like?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:30 pm rating: +3
- #10.6 Frankie
  
  Urine and KY.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:43 pm rating: +3
- #10.7 amy d
  
  Is this a circular argument?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:05 pm rating: +3
- #10.8 Frankie
  
  probably.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:38 pm rating: 0
- #10.9 snee
  
  i dunno. what does a circular argument smell like?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: +5
- #10.10 Holiday Djinn
  
  A wastebasket full of soiled toilet paper?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:57 pm rating: 0
- #10.11 snee
  
  i was thinking of urine and ky, so that works.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:07 pm rating: +1
- #10.12 Frankie
  
  It tastes like urine and ky in any case. The circular argument does.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:26 pm rating: 0
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#11 claw71

There are some things you don’t do in life: Spitting into the wind, tugging on Superman’s cape, pulling the mask off that old Lone Ranger and starting a hygiene battle with a bunch of dateless dorks from Nuemont University.

This is Utah, you know, where 90% of the population won’t bathe without their magic Mormon underpants so you have to wonder how thorough the personal care is in the first place. Then you throw in the obvious personality quirks that come with computer science people and you have a recipe for disaster.

These are people who will sit outside of Best Buy for weeks just so they can buy the latest gadget before everybody else does. They go without food, water and visibly using the restroom in order to secure tickets to the director’s cut of Wrath of Kahn. Do you really think they won’t take offense to your note and go on a deodorant strike for the next quarter?

This is a dangerous game. I consider myself to be a brave man, but you wouldn’t catch me poking at this bee hive.

Sep 24, 2008 at 1:07 pm rating: +15

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- #11.1 RunBarbara
  
  the line to buy Halo 3 wrapped around the entire mall and smelled like a trench from WW2, except with an underlying note of Cheetoes and excemea cream.
  when i walked by, people whispered “looks like scully!” and “abduction fantasy!”. i just kept my eyes to the ground and walked fast. its the only way to get out alive.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:13 pm rating: +10
- #11.2 Mishee
  
  “This is Utah, you know, where 90% of the population won’t bathe without their magic Mormon underpants…”
  
  Magic Mormon Underpants? Are you telling me that Utah’s Student Computer Science population are never nudes???
  
  I never would’ve guessed….
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:14 pm rating: +1
- #11.3 RunBarbara
  
  why should they ever get nude? the odds of a computer science student from utah getting laid are about as likely as your mom getting her stripping job back with the house arrest anklet still on, mish.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:17 pm rating: +3
- #11.4 snee
  
  must make for a boring “hotties of neumont” calendar.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:19 pm rating: +5
- #11.5 RunBarbara
  
  they just use their Second Life avatars.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:22 pm rating: +18
- #11.6 fantasy
  
  Yep, them Mormans wear “Sacred” undies, I never figured out why, I think they have to earn them…hehe. Anyway, they never take them off and always keep at least one foot or arm or other appendage in them at all times. Another fact, no one can wash them but the wearer, maybe that is the cause of the odor, too much work.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:33 pm rating: +2
- #11.7 fantasy
  
  Excuse me, did some research and found out they do not call them “undies”. They are “Sacred Garments”!
  
  http://time.blogs.com/daily_dish/images/mormonunderwear.jpg
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: 0
- #11.8 snee
  
  what a coincidence! i call my undies Sacred Garments too, just before i sacrifice them to the Python.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:49 pm rating: +1
- #11.9 Mishee
  
  I think my undies prefer to be called “Scared Garments”
  
  I have no idea why they are so freaked out… its just a little yeast infection!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:57 pm rating: +6
- #11.10 fantasy
  
  Mormon underwear helps to discipline young boys against masturbation. First of all, young boys wouldn’t be wearing garments. Garments are only worn after attending the temple which happens as an adult (see FAQs). In addition, while mormons believe that masturbation is not an appropriate activity, they learn this in their church classes, not through their underwear.
  
  Quite interesting subject matter, I am glad that the garments are not doing the Church teachings in these matters.
  
  *garments,church teachings. Do you really think it makes a difference to young or old boys?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:57 pm rating: 0
- #11.11 Mishee
  
  I think my undies prefer to be called “Scared Garments”
  
  I have no idea why they are so freaked out, its only a little yeast infection!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:57 pm rating: 0
- #11.12 claw71
  
  I don’t care what they call them, Mormons are fucking strange. A bunch of society’s rejects followed some two-bit huckster out to the desert and set up shop next to a stinking salt lake.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:02 pm rating: +5
- #11.13 Joe
  
  I’m a Mormon, and I find the misunderstandings presented here to be rather amusing.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:44 pm rating: +2
- #11.14 Numinous
  
  No wonder Mormons are so boring. How can you have any fun if you have to worry about whether you still have your undies around you ankle?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:49 pm rating: +2
- #11.15 secondsout
  
  So here’s a chicken-and-egg type question. The smelly comp-sci guy and not getting laid. Is it that he won’t get laid because he’s a comp-sci dweeb, so he figures there’s no reason to pay attention to hygiene, or is that he pays no attention to hygiene the reason he never gets laid?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: +6
- #11.16 Bellabeastie
  
  My burning question: Do Donny and Marie wear the Sacred Garments, too?
  
  I picture them singing and dancing away ..
  
  Just too much to bear.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 6:42 pm rating: 0
- #11.17 bellabeastie
  
  I met Donny at a record release party–
  
  And he was so nice, but all I can visualize is him in Depends.
  
  Sad.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:35 pm rating: 0
- #11.18 Canthz_B
  
  Burning questions are often answered with antibiotics.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:40 pm rating: +5
- #11.19 bellabeastie
  
  So how do they end up with all these children?
  
  If you have to have the Magic Panties on?
  
  (I may have answered my own question).
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:03 am rating: +1
- #11.20 aaa
  
  I think you’re allowed to take off the Magic Underwear as long as you don’t look at each other naked. And you can’t enjoy it, either.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:06 am rating: 0
- #11.21 bellabeastie
  
  Hence the need for 4 or 5 wives…
  
  Maybe get off once out of the 5.
  
  If you have a good imagination and/or access to a porn site.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:36 am rating: 0
- #11.22 aims
  
  So the old Mormon guy gets his brand new 12 year old wife and says to her, “Here are your new sacred garments. You will notice these are a little different from what you are used to. They have a stinky old horny man in them.”
  
  Sep 29, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: 0
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#12 snee

*insert funnier comment here*

Sep 24, 2008 at 1:21 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
#13 Dare

If (Shower = Laptop Shorting Out)
Then (!Shower)

Sep 24, 2008 at 1:34 pm rating: +20

reply to this comment
- #13.1 Goldie
  
  You meant to say
  Shower == Laptop Shorting Out
  right?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:12 pm rating: +2
- #13.2 bellabeastie
  
  If these “students” are taking their laptops into the shower then they need more help than Neuman U. can provide.
  
  Maybe they need Nurse Ratched to give them a proper “shower”.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:38 pm rating: 0
- #13.3 Joe
  
  Goldie: No, the error may be unintentional, but it is more correct that you realize. As long as Laptop Shorting Out is non-zero, the assignment will always evaluate to true. That’s why they never shower.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 11:10 pm rating: 0
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#14 Quite Contrary

Did anyone know that it is “National Clean Your Hands Week?” There are flyers about it in my company’s bathrooms! Not kidding. Could not make this up.

Sep 24, 2008 at 1:43 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #14.1 snee
  
  okaaay. but just this week. i don’t want to make a hap pit of it.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: +14
- #14.2 RunBarbara
  
  well, you COULD make it up or you could have just accidentally admitted that your company made up a fake holiday just to get you to scrub the funk from under your fingernails….
  my mom used to do that. she would say: “hey, its national dont eat vacuum bags day!” and i would believe her, sadly, setting down my dusty treat.
  fucking dictator.
  wait- what was i saying?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:53 pm rating: +13
- #14.3 Goldie
  
  Oh boy, oh boy! Is there going to be a National Wipe Your Ass week, or should we not hold our breath?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:14 pm rating: 0
- #14.4 bellabeastie
  
  Isn’t that a rhetorical question?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:27 am rating: 0
- #14.5 Canthz_B
  
  If there were a National Ass-wipe Week, the crowds would be enormous!
  The CEO’s of the Fortune 500 could lead the parade!
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:31 am rating: +2
- #14.6 bellabeastie
  
  If they could walk and talk at the same time.
  
  they are pretty old and stuff.
  
  And I’m pretty sure their houses aren’t about to go into foreclosure, so theys hould have their calendars open for the date..
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:10 am rating: 0
- #14.7 Mishee
  
  Hey, being old and having a good job doesn’t mean you won’t lose your house. Just look at Ed McMahon.
  
  I bet that poor old coot is hoping someone will show up at his front door with a huge check and a bunch of balloons…
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:15 am rating: +1
- #14.8 bellabeastie
  
  But Donald Trump already did…
  
  (I don’t think he brought balloons)
  
  Just a bazillion bucks.
  
  HEEEERE’S DONALD !!
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:46 am rating: 0
- #14.9 Mishee
  
  With hair like that, no need for balloons.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 2:01 am rating: +1
- #14.10 bellabeastie
  
  LOLOL..
  
  Hey– Just an idea — what if we renamed the unitard?
  
  Something like the Magical Garment Unitard? Special Panties In? Y’tard? Special Victims Unit-ard??
  
  Just for fun.?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 2:20 am rating: 0
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#15 snee

nobody ever smells me in an elevator.

for once, i just want someone to choose me, love me, SNIFF ME!

Sep 24, 2008 at 1:44 pm rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #15.1 RunBarbara
  
  snee! dont say that too loud! claw will hear you and then it will be time to buy a guard dog and file for a restraining order!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 1:47 pm rating: +1
- #15.2 snee
  
  done and done.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:01 pm rating: 0
- #15.3 Frankie
  
  Frankie smells snee smells cause she’s a snee whore.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:04 pm rating: +24
- #15.4 amazon
  
  You have to say Frankie’s comment out loud to get the true beauty of it.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:58 pm rating: +3
- #15.5 Frankie
  
  It’s good to have one’s genius understood.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm rating: +5
- #15.6 Quite Contrary
  
  I wouldn’t recommend saying it out loud at the office.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:33 pm rating: +1
- #15.7 Frankie
  
  It depends on where you work. The other day I was just minding my own business- sitting up at my desk all by myself- and I just here this loud *POP*
  “FUCK, I told you it wasn’t going to fit in there! Now the whole office is wet!”
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:59 pm rating: +6
- #15.8 Quite Contrary
  
  I was on the phone with a coworker who was sending me info for a presentation. I told him to “send it to me and if it doesn’t fit, I’ll find a place to fit it.”
  
  I immediately asked if I could rephrase that.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 7:37 pm rating: +2
- #15.9 Goldie
  
  I once overheard a guy saying to his manager with lots of emotion: “… and I’m NOT going to be on top of him, like I’ve been all the times before”.
  Luckily they were round the corner and didn’t see me falling out of my seat laughing.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: +4
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#16 Wade

That one Guy who is hair?

Best not mess with Cousin Itt.

Sep 24, 2008 at 2:07 pm rating: +5

reply to this comment
- #16.1 amy d
  
  Maybe it’s Whos’ hair. Call Horton, quick!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:10 pm rating: +4
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#17 Canthz_B

Is that head hair or pubic? Nothing says poor hygiene like the scent of dirty balls!

Sep 24, 2008 at 2:26 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #17.1 claw71
  
  Sorry you had to get that close, CB.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:29 pm rating: +6
- #17.2 Canthz_B
  
  But you didn’t say that when you had your hand on my head, claw. You said I’d like it.
  I was lucky to escape your attack!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:38 pm rating: +3
- #17.3 claw71
  
  I said I’d make you like it…and you did but you just don’t want to admit it. It’s because I’m white, isn’t it? You’re such a racist.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:41 pm rating: +2
- #17.4 Canthz_B
  
  There you go playing the Race Card!
  Is it because my Momba is bigger than your Python?
  I try not to mention it, I respect your needs.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:55 pm rating: +3
- #17.5 snee
  
  SNAKES ON A PAN!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm rating: +9
- #17.6 Canthz_B
  
  Let’s not wake up Samuel L. Jackson again!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:09 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#18 secondsout

Thanks to everyone who washed, except for that one guy. I bet it was Graham. That guy gets no respect.

Sep 24, 2008 at 2:29 pm rating: +5

reply to this comment
#19 Sheepish

Yea! A PAN from Utah!
Mormon jokes are my favorite.

“Hi, my name is Sheepish and I’m a recovering Mormon. My last ‘experience’ was 6 years ago”

Sep 24, 2008 at 2:32 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #19.1 claw71
  
  Just when you think you’re out…
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 2:34 pm rating: +1
add to this thread
#20 Sheepish

if only this site had a handwriting analysis expert who would post the personality traits most common with the writing of each PAN.
this note seems like it would have tones of hidden information in it:
- frilly, over the top, t’s and l’s
- over use of spacing between lines
- connecting of only a few letters at a time
i’m interested to know what this says about the PAN writer.
that settles it, i’m going to surf the web for the rest of the afternoon to find a site that will enlighten me on how to analyze hand writing. (any work that i had to do can wait)
then i can be the resident expert, yay! my life has meaning again!

Sep 24, 2008 at 2:42 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
#21 secondsout

See, I was wondering, when a Mormon man takes 5 wives, doesn’t that leave several men without? I guess that’s why a lot of the polygamists start dipping into the 13 yo population. Well, that and they’re just pedophiles. But here’s where the balance is: Neuman U., where the guys are too smelly to get girls anyway.

Sep 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #21.1 claw71
  
  Have you seen mormon women, S’out? I think some of those unlucky men become lucky women at some point.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm rating: +1
- #21.2 se
  
  I have seen mormon women and maybe these guys who are unlucky may actually be the lucky ones. Can you imagine having to put up with 3 or 4 or more of these women?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm rating: 0
- #21.3 fantasy
  
  it is the young one’s that they marry, then make the old wives do all the shitty housework and takin’ care of all them babies and bringin’ in the paychecks, they have no time to bathe!
  
  The 12-14 age group are treated like a princesses, all washed up when they are 16 and can get themselves off to work!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 3:55 pm rating: 0
- #21.4 claw71
  
  You know, when you put it that way, Fan, I think I’m ready to Mormonize myself.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: +1
- #21.5 Quite Contrary
  
  Case in point: Big Love. Take a gander at some of the women/girls on the compound! It’s not pretty.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:36 pm rating: 0
- #21.6 Canthz_B
  
  “Mormon wives, the other white meat”
  
  brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:41 pm rating: +6
- #21.7 fantasy
  
  Man, they are knocking at our door 24/7. I always say I was getting ready to do yard work, then they feel they have to help. I get the tools out and go back in the house for just a “minute” and don’t come back until they have the yard done. I just love those Morman boys on a mission!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 5:16 pm rating: +5
- #21.8 Saysh
  
  I cannot tell you how many of those boys I corrupted when they were brainwashing my mom. I let them come to my apartment (a no-no because I was a woman alone over the age of 6 and under the age of 95), I gave them coca cola, let them watch R rated movies and play nintendo!! LOL I am SUCH an evil bitch. I hugged them all too when they left.. I ended up with I think 10 of them at my place. Poor kids.. They were so starved to just have a NORMAL day. I made them all take off their nametags too..
  
  And if you believe all that…
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:15 am rating: +1
- #21.9 fantasy
  
  One time they came to our door, Mr. read their name tags and in a very sarcastic tone said “you are both named Elder? What your folks got no imagination?”
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 10:58 am rating: +1
- #21.10 claw71
  
  That’s why I answer the door naked…it usually runs the religious people right off. The Girl Scouts, however, usually hang around for a little game of Samoa toss.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 11:04 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#22 secondsout

They washed their hair, but did they wash their asses? I’m betting no.

Sep 24, 2008 at 3:27 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#23 glastonberry

Here’s a tip: don’t read PAN while eating …

Sep 24, 2008 at 4:13 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #23.1 Frankie
  
  I disagree. I eat and read PAN all the time. How’s your constitution? On the weak side I take it? I can watch a gastric bypass while eating a burrito, a colonoscopy while chowin on a bar of chocolate. It’s all in the head senior/ita glastonberry. all in the head.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:34 pm rating: +1
- #23.2 Quite Contrary
  
  I find it more challenging to drink beverages while reading PAN. More of the soda ends up on my computer keyboard than in me.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 4:37 pm rating: +1
- #23.3 glastonberry
  
  You watch colonoscopies? What are your other hobbies? Wait don’t tell me, I’m still eating….
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: 0
- #23.4 RunBarbara
  
  my hobbies include the deveining of shrimp, underwater aerobics and sitcking my fingers in orphans.
  that last one gives you a good workout, especially if they are young orphans. man, running from cops burns like 1,000 calories an hour.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 6:50 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#24 Ti O

” So hey I have started washing my hair more often. But now I feel compelled to eat large amounts of broccoli, pickled eggs and sauerkraut. Have a nice day. Popcorn?”

Sep 24, 2008 at 5:17 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #24.1 Mishee
  
  Being a good Irish girl, I prefer cabbage!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 5:55 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#25 Hyla

LMAO!

~Hyla
http://earthyfinds.blogspot.com

Sep 24, 2008 at 5:26 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #25.1 Frankie
  
  ?
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 5:49 pm rating: 0
- #25.2 Mishee
  
  Jesus H. Christ Hyla…
  
  Can’t you take a clue from Frankie and be a good troll instead of an evil one????
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 5:54 pm rating: 0
- #25.3 aaa
  
  No. Isn’t the ultimate goal of a troll to be evil? Good trolls are only biding their time until they have a good opportunity to be evil.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 7:11 pm rating: 0
- #25.4 Goldie
  
  You guys may laugh all you want, but she’s the one with 2K hits/month.
  Whatever works, I guess…
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:27 pm rating: 0
- #25.5 Canthz_B
  
  Even shameless hucksterism?
  
  I never click on those links…ever heard of computer viruses?
  I like my eggs fried, not my hard drive.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:45 pm rating: +1
- #25.6 bellabeastie
  
  And I like my eggs over-easy, bacon and NO Links. Just like I like my men..
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:14 am rating: 0
- #25.7 Canthz_B
  
  Oh! The things I’d like to do to your eggs, bellab.!
  I’m not sure it would all go over very easily though!
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:53 am rating: +1
- #25.8 Mishee
  
  Goldie – I bet it’s not Unique Users. And I am probably pretty sure she goes to internet cafes and logs in every 10 minutes to check on her precious blog. All those different IP addresses will up the hit count pretty quick.
  
  Not to mention the poor saps here who actually fall for the trolling and click…
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:08 am rating: 0
- #25.9 bellabeastie
  
  Just be gentle, CB — Eggs Over-Eeeasy…..
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 2:02 am rating: 0
- #25.10 Canthz_B
  
  I’ll try not to break any yolks.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 2:13 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#26 apple

Ah, binary jokes…they never get old!

Sep 24, 2008 at 5:50 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #26.1 Anon
  
  Yeah, but too bad only 10 of us got it so far.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 7:49 pm rating: +3
- #26.2 Goldie
  
  I got it too, so it’s at least 11
  At least 100 if you count Kerry, who posted it.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 9:24 pm rating: +1
- #26.3 claw71
  
  I don’t think I would ever admit that I “got” a binary joke. But, hey, we all like to claim those little victories…so how would you like your wedgie today?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 9:57 am rating: +1
add to this thread
#27 justin84119

ok so the smelly guys must be the ones I ran into at the store the other day…. here in utah. my daughter threw up in her mouth and I was dry heaving in the store it was so gross!!!!
By the way here in utah the population is only about 60% mormon…. its getting better all the time. Those of us not mormon call the sacred under wear “Jesus Jammies”. Just FYI.
http://www.holeykneesanddragonflies.blogspot.com

Sep 24, 2008 at 7:13 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #27.1 claw71
  
  Magic Mormon Underwear is funnier and not just because I made it up, it’s funny because it makes Mormons fighting mad. Did you know that when a Mormon punches you he has to give you his youngest wife? It’s true; I have four of them but they’re all under the legal age of consent in Ohio.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: 0
- #27.2 aaa
  
  But isn’t anything that makes a group of people fighting mad funnier than something that doesn’t? I mean, being able to piss someone off means you have power over them, which is a nice way to stroke your mental penis (and yes, even I have a mental penis).
  
  But ah, as for your four confiscated wives there, well, yeah. I’m not gonna there.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 10:41 pm rating: 0
- #27.3 snee
  
  aaa, maybe you should get some mental sacred garments to help you fight the urge to stroke your mental penis.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: +2
- #27.4 aaa
  
  Not necessary. I get others to stroke the mental penis for me.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:14 pm rating: 0
- #27.5 Canthz_B
  
  The ability to piss someone off does not make one powerful, just annoying.
  I will concede that allowing oneself to get pissed off by a fool is a sign of weakness.
  A weakness I have demonstrated here in the past, but I’m working on it!
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: +2
- #27.6 aaa
  
  Having some power over another doesn’t necessarily make a person powerful. Like how somebody who can only lift a ten pound weight is stronger than somebody who can only lift a five pound weight. It’s all relative. Like sex in creepy rural cults.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:38 pm rating: 0
- #27.7 Canthz_B
  
  Then the ability to be annoying is a relatively weak ability in my book, when compared to the ability to formulate an original idea.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:43 pm rating: +1
- #27.8 aaa
  
  I’m not saying that’s the best ability (or even one that I advocate), it’s just the most common one in society. Being annoying is often all somebody has. Which is why I make fun of them and plan on them being the first ones subjugated when I overthrow the government.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:50 pm rating: 0
- #27.9 Canthz_B
  
  If that’s all they have, it’s a pity.
  Good luck with the overthrow of the government, but someone here has already expressed a desire to take over the world.
  Original ideas are hard to come by sometimes.
  
  Sep 24, 2008 at 11:58 pm rating: +1
- #27.10 aaa
  
  Screw the world, I just want the US.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:05 am rating: 0
- #27.11 Canthz_B
  
  Yeah, um, I don’t think you realize that you don’t get the US if someone takes over the entire world.
  I think they still sell globes though. Invest in one.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:10 am rating: +1
- #27.12 aaa
  
  I do. I was just refuting the idea that I wanted to take over the entire world. I’ll let whoever have the rest of the planet. Maybe we could form some coalition of evil. Or something.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: 0
- #27.13 Canthz_B
  
  Last I checked megalomaniacs were not into lasting-coalition forming, but good luck with that as well.
  You’ve obviously never played RISK.
  It’s all or nothing, Baby!
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:22 am rating: +1
- #27.14 Mishee
  
  Hitler never played Risk when he was a kid. Cause, you know, playing Risk, you could never hold on to Asia. That Asian-Eastern European area, you could never hold it, could you? Seven extra men at the beginning of every go, but you couldn’t fucking hold it. Australasia, that was the one. Australasia. All the purples. Get everyone on Papua New Guinea and just build up and build up…
  
  Sorry, I just had to channel some Izzard….
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:49 am rating: +1
- #27.15 Canthz_B
  
  Bah! RISK is easy, you just need to keep forces in the territories that are vulnerable to attack and expand on every move always keeping your continents safe from attack. Knocking someone out and getting their territory cards is a real plus!
  Is my inner geek showing again?!
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 12:59 am rating: 0
- #27.16 Mishee
  
  I don’t know about your inner geek, but I am pretty sure your epidermis is showing… you might want to see someone about that…
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:11 am rating: 0
- #27.17 Canthz_B
  
  I’m getting my Magic Mormon Undergarments now, Mishee! LOL
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:14 am rating: 0
- #27.18 aaa
  
  I do play Risk, but I’m way too lazy for actual megalomania. That’s why I want just the US.
  
  BTW, Eddie Izzard is the shit.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:16 am rating: 0
- #27.19 aaa
  
  You know, I’m not putting on my Magic Underwear until somebody strokes my mental penis…
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 1:16 am rating: 0
- #27.20 Bunnee
  
  Will you at least put on a mental condom?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 4:47 pm rating: +1
- #27.21 Joey
  
  http://www.salamandersociety.com/temple/barbie/060421connell_molly_mormon_barbie.jpg
  
  Channel Eddie Izzard as Molly, the Morman Barbie. He could pull it off indeed. ;P
  
  Sep 28, 2008 at 5:11 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#28 aaa

Shit. Improper nesting…

Sep 25, 2008 at 1:15 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
#29 sweaty pie

uhmm I prefer the nice smell from a hunk that just came off his motorbike rather than over perfumed necks, they give me asthma and a headache.

Ditch the perfume…. can’t stand ground floors on shopping centres… always running for my life away from all those tester killer bottoxed wierdos…

Sep 25, 2008 at 2:53 am rating: +1

reply to this comment
#30 Hyla

Hello,

I am sorry if my signature has caused your blog disruption. It truly was not the intent, I always sign off with my name and blog address. I have enjoyed reading your blog since I came to it Stumbleupon. I thought it was hilarious I passed it on to some friends and then subscribed. I usually do not read the blog comments especially with a blog like yours that has a ton of comments, I just make a comment that is related to the post and then I move on.

I will refrain from commenting in the future.

Again I am sorry if this has caused your blog disruption.

Sincerely,
Hyla Waldron

Sep 25, 2008 at 2:51 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #30.1 Frankie
  
  ?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 2:59 pm rating: 0
- #30.2 Ti O
  
  ???
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 3:07 pm rating: 0
- #30.3 tinkerbell2
  
  aww, you guys. you made her cry. why can’t you play nice?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 3:46 pm rating: 0
- #30.4 Goldie
  
  Ahhh, so all the “LOL”s and “LMAO”s were deep, profound comments on the subject of the post, and not fishing for hits as I thought…
  I feel enlightened now.
  PS. LMAO
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 8:21 pm rating: 0
- #30.5 Wade
  
  You forgot the ever popular “WTF”, Goldie.
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 8:32 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#31 Hyla

Someone contacted my through my blog and brought to my attention that I was being seen as a troll.

This was not my intention.

Hyla

Sep 25, 2008 at 3:21 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #31.1 Frankie
  
  ?
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 3:39 pm rating: 0
- #31.2 Mishee
  
  I love that she hasn’t figured out how to nest a comment yet…
  
  I wonder if that was her intention…
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 3:49 pm rating: 0
- #31.3 Woman on the Verge
  
  I remember the trolling comment… but what does she have against trolls? I mean, really, troll discrimination! I heard Mishee LOVES trolls…
  
  Sep 25, 2008 at 4:35 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#32 Andy

/shower

What more do you want? Come on!

Sep 25, 2008 at 5:00 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#33 TheSpinningBrain

Well, as someone who actually goes to this school, I have a few things to say:
1. It’s Neumont, not Neuman. How are so many of you getting this wrong?
2. Actually, most of us are from out-of-state. Meaning, not Mormon. This, coupled with the fact that we’re all CS majors, leads to the hopefully unsurprising fact that Neumont is, for the most part, Utah’s /b/tard central (in b4 rules 1&2). Which might also explain part of the hygiene problem, I guess.
3. I didn’t see this sign for myself, but somebody told me about how it mentioned that one guy who is hair and conjected that it referred to me, as I have pretty long hair (though I do wash it every other day). For what it’s worth, I have a mullet, and my friend has a mohawk.

Sep 28, 2008 at 12:41 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #33.1 bean
  
  yeah you guys! in a 193 comments TWO of you got Neumont wrong.
  
  Hang your head in shame!
  
  /please take your mullet back to 4chan
  
  Sep 28, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: +1
- #33.2 TheSpinningBrain
  
  Well, I just thought I’d mention it, seeing as out of the five comments that mentioned Neumont, three of them spelled it wrong (see also “Nuemont”).
  
  Sep 28, 2008 at 2:53 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#34 me

There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those that know binary and those that do not.

Q: How many people know hex if you, me, and dead people know hex?
A: deaf people

Dec 29, 2008 at 11:10 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment

Old habits die…with a pout. (161)
- anglophile: You betcha! Fight fire with fire! Plus, it’s fun to enrage the type of people who think they own...
- Boss: Leave your car there for days and have friends take turns occupying it too?? C’mon, that’s WAY more...
- Luna: Isn’t this awesome? I never used to read the comments on PAN. Now I’m a freaking addict. Everyday,...
- Ash: I love how the author of the note assumes that the other people in the row of parking spots actually give a shit...
- infant tyrone: They leave my family alone, and this isn’t a threat, but if you park in this spot, you are...

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

there are only 10 types of people in the world…those who remember to bathe regularly, and those who don’t.

September 24th, 2008 · 200 comments

200 responses so far ↓

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