is that stuff even considered real cheese? or is it marked “cheese food” (which is code for nasty)
and glo♥ - knowing your high standards and PATDS status, i’m shocked you would encourage anyone to acknowledge the existence of someone who ate that stuff
I bet all this stolen cheese was really crappy any way.
Seriously, none of these notes (or packages) seem to be the work of a Cheese Monger. I doubt it was a 4-year old Vermont Cheddar, or a Nice Peckerino-Ramano that was taken.
Thieving, while evil can be excused and even forgiven, the same cannot be said for bad taste in cheese. Life is too short to eat crap cheese. That’s my stand.
I always thought the “cheese food” label was reserved for products that you otherwise might not realize were intended to be edible. I’ve seen industrial adhesives that look more appetizing than most “cheese food.”
This is actually a very sophisticated personality test, disguised as a series of seemingly unrelated cheese-related notes. The one (note, that is, not cheese) we like best says volumes about the kind of person we are.
the first one is annoying - i keep hearing it as one breathless, high pitched whine
the second is hysterical and not in a funny way - somebody needs their meds adjusted
the third is perfect even if the writer’s choice of cheese isn’t
The third one is the best. Short, sweet and to the point, although I have to wonder which is worse - a person who gets bent out of shape about their missing fat free American cheese or somebody who would actually steal fat free American cheese.
is “orange” alert level the one where campus security actually wanders around checking on things? if so, those guys are probably gonna be hungrier than usual - cheese and salami make pretty good snacks
hope you brought enough for everyone
I know. A couple of years ago I picked up a pair to surprise my ex on Valentine’s Day. She decided it would be romantic to watch The English Patient together. As you can imagine, it wasn’t. Even if that movie could put you in the mood, by the time it finally came to a grinding halt my strawberry banana hammock had melted and my pants were sticking to me. It wasn’t pretty. Cheese would have been better.
Actually, she didn’t say it was eaten. It was open, and left unwrapped - big diff.
Dear Sarah,
Here’s what happened. Your roommate, while rooting through the fridge looking for the source of a nasty odor, happened upon your moldy cheese. He opened the package to confirm his suspicions that it was, indeed, your cheese stinking up the place. After opening and unwrapping the package, he fainted from the stench and initially passed away and is no longer with us, which is why he could not answer your note. I’m sure you will look great in an orange jumper, you homicidal, cheese-wielding bitch.
Oh crap, my bad. Well he did use it as a suicide weapon.
Also, there’s a typo in my above post, the guy died “eventually” not “initially”. Need more coffee I guess. With those cheese crackers.
ahhhh cheese. Take in it’s musky scent and feel the ripe curves of the wheel in my hands. The soft and smooth texture dancing on the tip of my tongue.
It isn’t a crime to enjoy a fine cheese.
Green: Low Threat to cheese as it has mold all over it.
Blue: Guarded… Is it blue cheese or on the way to completely disgustingly moldy cheese?
Yellow: Elevated Threat Level indicated a heightened probability that your Swiss will be taken.
Orange: High. Everybody loves cheddar. It’s gone baby, gone.
Red: Severe. A nice gouda with that red wax around it? Wave goodbye…
in what sort of crazy world is cheddar orange??? it should be a creamy white colour, maybe *slightly* yellow, but not orange. learn how to do cheese right, america!
Having partaken of a number of British food products I’ll thank you in advance for keeping your future culinary opinions to yourself, CarsmileSteve. Cheerio!
174 responses so far ↓
#1
Katie
Who moved my cheese?
Sep 29, 2008 at 7:30 pm rating: +12
#2
anglophile
Fat free American cheese? You should be fucking the thief. As a thank you.
Sep 29, 2008 at 7:35 pm rating: +52
#3
JoelWhy
Does the ‘fuck you’ note constitute campus ‘red’ alert of security?
Sep 29, 2008 at 7:35 pm rating: +4
#4
Donna Martin Graduates!
What a friend we have in cheeses.
Sep 29, 2008 at 7:36 pm rating: +45
#5
JoeInLA
This is actually a very sophisticated personality test, disguised as a series of seemingly unrelated cheese-related notes. The one (note, that is, not cheese) we like best says volumes about the kind of person we are.
Sep 29, 2008 at 7:48 pm rating: +1
#6
morpho aurora
is “orange” alert level the one where campus security actually wanders around checking on things? if so, those guys are probably gonna be hungrier than usual - cheese and salami make pretty good snacks
hope you brought enough for everyone
Sep 29, 2008 at 7:51 pm rating: +3
#7
Ti O
The cheese was probably taken by Clarence Beeks as part of some evil machinations by the Duke brothers.
Just saying.
Sep 29, 2008 at 7:59 pm rating: +3
#8
Wade
Was Sarah’s mistake:
a) Going to the fridge?
b) Finding the cheese opened, used and left unwrapped?
c) Failing to use all the colored markers at her disposal to write the note?
Sep 29, 2008 at 8:01 pm rating: +18
#9
JuanRojas
That cheese was fucking DELICIOUS.
Sep 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm rating: +7
#10
Woman on the Verge
Juan, meet the unitard. Put it on. NOW. You’ve earned it.
Sep 29, 2008 at 8:35 pm rating: +2
#11
Woman on the Verge
The Official Cheese Threat Alert Glossary:
Green: Low Threat to cheese as it has mold all over it.
Blue: Guarded… Is it blue cheese or on the way to completely disgustingly moldy cheese?
Yellow: Elevated Threat Level indicated a heightened probability that your Swiss will be taken.
Orange: High. Everybody loves cheddar. It’s gone baby, gone.
Red: Severe. A nice gouda with that red wax around it? Wave goodbye…
Sep 29, 2008 at 8:47 pm rating: +18
#12
se