What $48,000 a year gets you

October 1st, 2008 · 94 comments

Jenny says these notes have started showing up in several of the bathroom stalls in her freshman dorm at Oberlin College. As far she knows, none of her fellow frosh have taken the custodians up on their suggestion…but who knows what’ll happen once Parents’ Weekend rolls around?

THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. CUSTODIANS ARE TIRED OF BEGGING FOR SUPPLIES INCLUDING TOILET PAPER. E-MAIL OR CALL THE PRESIDENT OF OBERLIN COLLEGE @OBERLIN.EDU OR 58400

So, President Krislov… care to comment?

related: You might want to take a hard look at your washcloth first

FILED UNDER: college life · disgruntled janitor · Ohio · toilet paper


94 responses so far ↓

  • #1   claw71 bang

    I’m quite familiar with Oberlin College and I don’t know why a paucity of toilet paper would be a problem seeing as how most students, faculty and alumni seem to be under the impression that their shit simply does not stink.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:05 am   rating: 78  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   bellabeastie

      Oberlin is right around the corner (so to speak)…

      Apparently the custodians are expecting them to use their “sheet” music.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   amazon

      I don’t see what the problem is. Use your liberal arts degree, like everyone else.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Holiday Djinn

      Hey Amazon, that is about what one is worth these days!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   wright

      Liberal arts degree? We used english teaching degrees for that in my day…

      Oh well, times change.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Anonymous

      I am an Oberlin student, and I can tell you that my classmates know that their shit stinks; they don’t wipe because they are dirty hippies.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:40 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Red Letterboxer

    Dear Mr. President,

    Your employee suggested that I beg you, since he’s tired of doing it. So, please, please, please bring one (1) roll of toilet tissue to me in stall # 3 at 4:15pm.

    Thank you.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:06 am   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   amy d bang

      Similar ideas, Red!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   amy d bang

    Transcription of an e-mail to The President of Oberlin College:

    Sir, there is not any toilet paper in the freshman dorm bathrooms. I have been waiting in here for hours. Could you please come and wipe my ass?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:09 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   drago

      That’s the beauty of wireless internet…

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:14 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Cowgirlgraphics

      and texting from your phone ….

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Dare

    This is a preventative measure to insure there is no clogging. If they had properly disposed their TP in the designated bins, the toilet paper would not be withheld.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   D

      Indeed. I bet their pipes are old and cannot handle “big jobs” like “toilet paper” or “throw up.”

      Also there is a potluck on Friday. The theme is indignant, lazy janitors. I will be bringing Vienna Sausages and hats.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:13 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   HS

      Please be responsible and change this hap pit. Help us help you.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   D

      Jesus wouldn’t use toilet paper, and neither should you.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Dare

      Shroud of Turin?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 3:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Donna Martin Graduates!

      @ #4.3 D

      “Jesus wouldn’t use toilet paper, and neither should you.”

      What would cheeses do?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   b!tchzilla

      Also, what would Cheez-Its do?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   Jahzzie

      just no smeared cheese on the doors, there will be a charge added.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   bonehead bang

      and remember, nobody needs to bring cake, because we still have some left over from the birthday potluck

      Oct 2, 2008 at 3:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   Dare

      What would Scooby-Do?

      Oct 2, 2008 at 9:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.10   jamar

      Then I dunno, install Japanese bidet toilets or something. If tuition is really that stratospheric it should be no problem at all financially, and certainly a step up from the students having nothing at all.

      Dec 7, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   K Dog

    How cool would it be if we all e-mailed this stingy bastard?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:23 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Jackie

    They pulled this on the apartments/dorms @ my college. The TP from the academic buildings, libraries, administrative buildings all started disappearing at an incredible rate.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Sheepish bang

    can’t someone spare a square?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   HS

      I haven’t got a square to spare…

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Sheepish bang

      How about a ply? I’ll take a ply.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Holiday Djinn

      Sorry, I’m a ply shy.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:35 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   bonehead bang

      I control the roll and have tissue to issue.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 4:02 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   bellabeastie

    Question – if there is, in fact, no toilet paper how do you use it at your own risk?

    Inquiring minds want know-what is the future without toilet paper?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   bob

      Not 100% sure, but I think it has something to do with shells. I saw it in a Stallone movie.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:59 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   reyna ulikba

      more bidets and soap, i hope

      Oct 2, 2008 at 1:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Holiday Djinn

    Seriously, get over it.

    When i went to college, the toilet paper was replaced at a very slow pace.

    Our solution? The biology labs were just across the mall. Not more than 50 yards (Small mall, small college) from the men’s Freshman dorm. With about 15 of the 30 or so men on the floor taking Bio 101 we really never had a problem with toilet paper.

    2 of the easiest things to find in life for free are toilet paper and food. sheesh.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   se

      So, you just took your dirty ass over to the men’s Freshman dorm and wiped it there? or did you just rub your ass on the grass like a dog on the mall?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   se

      and also, when I went to college, we used leaves to wipe our ass and that was after walking uphill to and from school.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   claw71 bang

      Bullshit, se! Everybody here knows full well that all of your college course work was done while you were in prison.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   se

      hmmm..I must be more well known than I thought.
      but I still had to walk uphill in both directions.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Holiday Djinn

      the guys from the dorm obviously stole the toilet paper from the Bio-labs bathrooms.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   D

      Son of a bitch. Free food is easy to find, huh?

      Those bastards begging me for money in the Circle K parking lot must want something else, then. Like booze.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:33 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Ryan

    In the future, please write your notes on copious amount of two-ply toilet paper so your words can be put to proper use

    Power to the People

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:46 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   claw71 bang

    I think toilet paper shortages are the norm in college. Being resourceful I learned how to improvise, adapt and overcome. There were options. Generally there was always unattended clothing in the laundry room and if that wasn’t feasible there was usually some religiot on campus more than eager to hand you a copy of the Bible. Granted the gilded pages aren’t as absorbent as you’d like them to be but there was something fulfilling about wiping your ass with Leviticus. They say cleanliness is next to godliness and there’s no time that’s truer than when you’re finishing off a deuce with a couple of chapters ripped right out of the good book.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Dina

      I could swear that my toilet paper shortages didn’t start until after college, once I moved into my own place and had to pay for it.

      That was when I started bringing larger purses every time I want to the local watering hole; I made sure to tip my bartenders nicely, but left with a week’s supply of Charmin!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Jahzzie

      right there with ya, my first apartment bathroom supplies were requisitioned from the ladies bathroom at work.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Wade bang

    If this is like any other college, there is no need to call the President about the mysterious toilet paper shortage in the freshman dorm. Just walk over to his residence. I’m confident you will find plenty of toilet paper festooning his trees.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   snee

      festooning?

      swooning!

      Oct 2, 2008 at 1:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Mishee bang

    Methinks a custodian’s strike is a’brewin’…

    I mean, its painful enough to have to actually live in OHIO… but to be forced to work under those kind of conditions? I mean… really… this isn’t Communist China!

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Mishee bang

      well… maybe they are on their way to communism by the looks of their “President”

      http://cms.oberlin.edu/inauguration/about.dot

      Maybe soon they will have to stand in long lines for toilet paper and pizza?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   JesFoolin

      Marvin Krislov
      President
      marvin.krislov@oberlin.edu
      440-775-8400

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Goldie

      We doan need yer fancy toilet paper here in Ohio! So what are you saying, you’re too good fer us ‘cuz we stink a little?? Damn liberals.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Goldie

      Oh, and. In Soviet Russia, the toilet paper begs for YOU!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Mark bang

      Goldie, it doesn’t cling so well to guns or religion.
      :lol:

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Frankie bang

    So, WHY DiD tHiS GUY fEEl tHE nEED tO jUsT RaNDoMly uSE CApitoL LetterS? I don’t get it.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:31 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Rube Goldberg

      Oberlin Custodian Handbook Rule 273.6: All notes must contain at least one of the following: randoM caPitaLizaTion; “use” of quotation marks for awkward emphasis; underlining random articles located mid-sentence. All notes must relinquish responsibilities “associated” with your job.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Mishee bang

      Also claw, I think there is also a provision in there to “Provide false or incomplete information”

      I noticed the email address is incomplete, stating just a domain name.

      I mean, I highly doubt the all powerful “President Kristov” (Truman Show anyone?) would be as egotistical enough to have his email be: ThePresidentOfOberlinCollege@oberlin.edu

      I mean, that would take forever to login every morning…

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:14 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   jess

      It might take forever to login, but it is a daily (and probably only) affirmation of how AWESOME he is… (or thinks he is). Some people have egos that are just THAT big. I mean, hell, we know he is withholding toilet paper…who knows what else these poor students are missing out on.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 12:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   secondsout bang

    Maybe Oberlin’s dorms feature bidets. No need to have toilet paper, when you have an ass fountain.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:56 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   reyna ulikba

      The dorms probably have vendo machines that sell toilet paper. I’ve seen toilets in malls that have those.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 1:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   secondsout bang

    Remember, when visiting Oberlin college, don’t shake the hand of any of the students. You’re never sure just how they got their asses clean.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:57 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   claw71 bang

      Nobody visits Oberlin College. It’s a dry campus in a dry town full of dry people. Oberlin students can be found slumming on other college campuses in the area. They’re easy to spot, the smug sense of superiority and pilgrim hats usually give them away.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Andy

      And they smell like shit!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:53 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   ciz

      Well, someone didn’t get in to Oberlin, apparently.

      Maybe it was for the best. Given the lack of toilet paper, they couldn’t afford more students who were full of crap.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:03 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Goldie

      Ohhh ohhh I just thought of a new punishment for my kids, thanks guys, this is perfect!! Oberlin, right?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   Obie101

      Uh, if by “nobody” you mean easily 10 prospective students and their parents a day, then sure (for a college of under 3000, that’s a lot). As for other college campuses in the area . . . there really aren’t any, except for Lorain Community College. The closest thing I can think of is Case Western in Cleveland, and not only is that 40 minutes away, but it doesn’t really have anything that Oberlin students couldn’t get here (even music-wise, though the Cleveland Symphony is obviously a step up or several from the Oberlin Conservatory).

      As for dry, if you mean liquor-wise, well then, the town has blue laws, but the one bar is packed from open to close, and the liquor store just over the city limit line is raking in the cash. If you mean weather-wise, you’ve obviously never been to northern Ohio. If you mean humor-wise (or lack thereof), well, it all depends on who you talk to. Of course I might have proven you right by responding quite seriously to your statement, but then again, I’m an English major; what can you expect?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   claw71 bang

      If you’re an English major I can expect that you’ll be putting in my drink order while I review the dinner menu.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 9:37 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.7   GhostWriter bang

      With English, you get drink orders.

      With Journalism, you get to possibly be a heartbeat away from the Presidency.

      …as long as you know how to play the flute.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.8   grumpygranolagirl

      And you forgot Kent State where we always had enough toilet paper. Hell, you gotta wipe the tear gas out of your eyes with something, right?

      Oct 4, 2008 at 7:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Captain Dick

    At least the custodians are given sign-making supplies.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 11:11 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   nuttinhunny bang

    If the custodians have to beg for their supplies, no wonder there is no toilet paper!

    Oct 1, 2008 at 11:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   AuntyBron

      Really. I mean, how many people walk around with a spare roll of TP to give to the little beggars?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 12:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Joe

    The mix of upper- and lower-case letters is baffling…though, at least every i is clear.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 11:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Frankie bang

      Join us up on comment 15 won’t you?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:51 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Mishee bang

    Perhaps The President of Oberlin College should email Jody and find out more about Organic Composting Facilities.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 12:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    Oberlin College doesn’t play “Pomp and Circumstance” at Commencement.
    They play that old camp standard “Stranded on the toilet bowl”!

    Oct 1, 2008 at 12:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    Laptop…………….Check
    Hair dryer………..Check
    IPod………………..Check
    TP from Costco…Check

    OK, Mom, I’m off to college!

    Oct 1, 2008 at 12:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    Eyewitness News Special Report:

    Tree surgeons continue to search for the cause of the mysterious defoliation of the Oberlin College Campus.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 12:38 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   JesFoolin

      . . . and the *rash* of anal poison ivy cases.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   thirty six red

    MAARRRVINNN!!!
    His name says it all.
    Feckin’ Marvin.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 12:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Goldie

      Starvin’ Marvin.
      Did he eat the TP?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   tomservo bang

      Yes, and it was fucking delicious!!!…

      …gimme the tard! Now!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Frankie bang

      Go away.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    Please do not waste toilet paper…we are a conservatory here at Oberlin.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 1:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Frankie bang

    I bet if bringing in TP got you extra credit that place would never run out. That’s how we did it in our grade schools and highschool where I came from. I couldn’t tell you how many kids I know that are working a job with their names on their shirts, have about 20 kids, can’t spell their own names, and think that drinking and shooting is a sport. But they graduated highschool in the top percentile of the class. No Child Left Behind. Good stuff right?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 4:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Frankie bang

      That statement is actually true. I approve this statement myself. It is backed by no political party. Just my own first hand experience. I can get witnesses, but most of them are fucked up on drugs and actually believe they were smart kids because of the A’s on their report cards.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 4:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Bunnee

      Students actually got extra credit for bringing TOILET PAPER to school? Wow. What did they get if they brought Kleenex or paper towels? Where is this paper-loving education system?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 6:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   StorminNorman

    That’s just too funny. What isn’t so funny is the fact that the note is spelled correctly. Makes me think the janitor is an alum. OTOH, with the help of unions, he probably makes more than half the Oberlin grads.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 4:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Woman on the Verge bang

    So why are there so many of these signs? I would think students would be using them to wipe their asses and then depositing them on the Prez’s front steps….

    Oct 1, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Jessica

    Actually, I’m pretty impressed by the chutzpah of this janitor. STICK IT TO THE MAN.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Jane

    Where is Nancy Dye when you need her?!

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   PandoraWilde

    Well, if there’s college students with the balls to go trick-or-treating, you know what to put in their pillowcases, right?

    Oct 2, 2008 at 1:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Alum

    I spent four years at Oberlin. Waste of money. And the students have their heads so far up their asses they never have to crap anyway.

    Oct 2, 2008 at 9:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   A$$ MASSUH

    Dear Prez…

    Along with the paperwork, could you throw in some Ronny Raygun thinking caps too?

    Oct 2, 2008 at 1:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   anonymous oberlin upperclassperson

    fucking freshmen, clogging up the toilets. the rest of the dorms are doing fine.

    Oct 2, 2008 at 3:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   bee

    i guarantee– the missing toilet paper is over at Harkness…

    Oct 2, 2008 at 4:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   (That's what she said.) | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] related: At Oberlin, that $48,000 a year doesn’t include toilet paper. [...]

    May 18, 2010 at 7:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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