what $48,000 a year gets you

October 1st, 2008 · 93 comments

jenny says these notes have started showing up in several of the bathroom stalls in her freshman dorm at oberlin college. as far she knows, jenny says, none of her fellow frosh have taken the custodians up on their suggestion…but who knows what’ll happen once parents’ weekend rolls around?

what $48,000 a year gets you

so, president krislov… care to comment?

related: you might want to take a hard look at your washcloth first

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FILED UNDER: TP · disgruntled janitor · ohio · university


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93 responses so far ↓

  • #1   claw71

    I’m quite familiar with Oberlin College and I don’t know why a paucity of toilet paper would be a problem seeing as how most students, faculty and alumni seem to be under the impression that their shit simply does not stink.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:05 am   rating: +51  

    • #1.1   bellabeastie

      Oberlin is right around the corner (so to speak)…

      Apparently the custodians are expecting them to use their “sheet” music.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:33 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #1.2   amazon

      I don’t see what the problem is. Use your liberal arts degree, like everyone else.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: +44  

       
    • #1.3   Holiday Djinn

      Hey Amazon, that is about what one is worth these days!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:29 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #1.4   wright

      Liberal arts degree? We used english teaching degrees for that in my day…

      Oh well, times change.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:24 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #1.5   Anonymous

      I am an Oberlin student, and I can tell you that my classmates know that their shit stinks; they don’t wipe because they are dirty hippies.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:40 pm   rating: +10  

       
     
  • #2   Red Letterboxer

    Dear Mr. President,

    Your employee suggested that I beg you, since he’s tired of doing it. So, please, please, please bring one (1) roll of toilet tissue to me in stall # 3 at 4:15pm.

    Thank you.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:06 am   rating: +34  

    • #2.1   amy d

      Similar ideas, Red!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:12 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #3   amy d

    Transcription of an e-mail to The President of Oberlin College:

    Sir, there is not any toilet paper in the freshman dorm bathrooms. I have been waiting in here for hours. Could you please come and wipe my ass?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:09 am   rating: +28  

    • #3.1   drago

      That’s the beauty of wireless internet…

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:14 am   rating: +18  

       
    • #3.2   Cowgirlgraphics

      and texting from your phone ….

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #4   Dare

    This is a preventative measure to insure there is no clogging. If they had properly disposed their TP in the designated bins, the toilet paper would not be withheld.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: +12  

    • #4.1   D

      Indeed. I bet their pipes are old and cannot handle “big jobs” like “toilet paper” or “throw up.”

      Also there is a potluck on Friday. The theme is indignant, lazy janitors. I will be bringing Vienna Sausages and hats.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:13 pm   rating: +16  

       
    • #4.2   HS

      Please be responsible and change this hap pit. Help us help you.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:16 pm   rating: +8  

       
    • #4.3   D

      Jesus wouldn’t use toilet paper, and neither should you.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: +7  

       
    • #4.4   Dare

      Shroud of Turin?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 3:30 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #4.5   Donna Martin Graduates!

      @ #4.3 D

      “Jesus wouldn’t use toilet paper, and neither should you.”

      What would cheeses do?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:09 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #4.6   b!tchzilla

      Also, what would Cheez-Its do?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:44 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #4.7   Jahzzie

      just no smeared cheese on the doors, there will be a charge added.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:04 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #4.8   bonehead

      and remember, nobody needs to bring cake, because we still have some left over from the birthday potluck

      Oct 2, 2008 at 3:59 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #4.9   Dare

      What would Scooby-Do?

      Oct 2, 2008 at 9:11 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #5   K Dog

    How cool would it be if we all e-mailed this stingy bastard?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:23 am   rating: +15  

     
  • #6   Jackie

    They pulled this on the apartments/dorms @ my college. The TP from the academic buildings, libraries, administrative buildings all started disappearing at an incredible rate.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:34 am   rating: +4  

     
  • #7   Sheepish

    can’t someone spare a square?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: +12  

    • #7.1   HS

      I haven’t got a square to spare…

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:12 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #7.2   Sheepish

      How about a ply? I’ll take a ply.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:14 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #7.3   Holiday Djinn

      Sorry, I’m a ply shy.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:35 pm   rating: +11  

       
    • #7.4   bonehead

      I control the roll and have tissue to issue.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 4:02 am   rating: +8  

       
     
  • #8   bellabeastie

    Question - if there is, in fact, no toilet paper how do you use it at your own risk?

    Inquiring minds want know-what is the future without toilet paper?

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: +3  

    • #8.1   bob

      Not 100% sure, but I think it has something to do with shells. I saw it in a Stallone movie.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:59 pm   rating: +11  

       
    • #8.2   reyna ulikba

      more bidets and soap, i hope

      Oct 2, 2008 at 1:40 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #9   Holiday Djinn

    Seriously, get over it.

    When i went to college, the toilet paper was replaced at a very slow pace.

    Our solution? The biology labs were just across the mall. Not more than 50 yards (Small mall, small college) from the men’s Freshman dorm. With about 15 of the 30 or so men on the floor taking Bio 101 we really never had a problem with toilet paper.

    2 of the easiest things to find in life for free are toilet paper and food. sheesh.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: +1  

    • #9.1   se

      So, you just took your dirty ass over to the men’s Freshman dorm and wiped it there? or did you just rub your ass on the grass like a dog on the mall?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: +7  

       
    • #9.2   se

      and also, when I went to college, we used leaves to wipe our ass and that was after walking uphill to and from school.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: +20  

       
    • #9.3   claw71

      Bullshit, se! Everybody here knows full well that all of your college course work was done while you were in prison.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: +7  

       
    • #9.4   se

      hmmm..I must be more well known than I thought.
      but I still had to walk uphill in both directions.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #9.5   Holiday Djinn

      the guys from the dorm obviously stole the toilet paper from the Bio-labs bathrooms.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:52 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.6   D

      Son of a bitch. Free food is easy to find, huh?

      Those bastards begging me for money in the Circle K parking lot must want something else, then. Like booze.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:33 pm   rating: +11  

       
     
  • #10   Ryan

    In the future, please write your notes on copious amount of two-ply toilet paper so your words can be put to proper use

    Power to the People

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:46 am   rating: +7  

     
  • #11   First True Sign of a Scarcity in Commodities / Jossip

    [...] in point: The signs in the restroom at Oberlin College: [...]

    Oct 1, 2008 at 9:47 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #12   claw71

    I think toilet paper shortages are the norm in college. Being resourceful I learned how to improvise, adapt and overcome. There were options. Generally there was always unattended clothing in the laundry room and if that wasn’t feasible there was usually some religiot on campus more than eager to hand you a copy of the Bible. Granted the gilded pages aren’t as absorbent as you’d like them to be but there was something fulfilling about wiping your ass with Leviticus. They say cleanliness is next to godliness and there’s no time that’s truer than when you’re finishing off a deuce with a couple of chapters ripped right out of the good book.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: +35  

    • #12.1   Dina

      I could swear that my toilet paper shortages didn’t start until after college, once I moved into my own place and had to pay for it.

      That was when I started bringing larger purses every time I want to the local watering hole; I made sure to tip my bartenders nicely, but left with a week’s supply of Charmin!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #12.2   Jahzzie

      right there with ya, my first apartment bathroom supplies were requisitioned from the ladies bathroom at work.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:08 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #13   Wade

    If this is like any other college, there is no need to call the President about the mysterious toilet paper shortage in the freshman dorm. Just walk over to his residence. I’m confident you will find plenty of toilet paper festooning his trees.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: +17  

    • #13.1   snee

      festooning?

      swooning!

      Oct 2, 2008 at 1:58 am   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #14   Mishee

    Methinks a custodian’s strike is a’brewin’…

    I mean, its painful enough to have to actually live in OHIO… but to be forced to work under those kind of conditions? I mean… really… this isn’t Communist China!

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: +2  

    • #14.1   Mishee

      well… maybe they are on their way to communism by the looks of their “President”

      http://cms.oberlin.edu/inauguration/about.dot

      Maybe soon they will have to stand in long lines for toilet paper and pizza?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #14.2   JesFoolin

      Marvin Krislov
      President
      marvin.krislov@oberlin.edu
      440-775-8400

      Oct 1, 2008 at 1:43 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #14.3   Goldie

      We doan need yer fancy toilet paper here in Ohio! So what are you saying, you’re too good fer us ‘cuz we stink a little?? Damn liberals.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:25 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #14.4   Goldie

      Oh, and. In Soviet Russia, the toilet paper begs for YOU!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #14.5   Mark

      Goldie, it doesn’t cling so well to guns or religion.
      :lol:

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #15   Frankie

    So, WHY DiD tHiS GUY fEEl tHE nEED tO jUsT RaNDoMly uSE CApitoL LetterS? I don’t get it.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:31 am   rating: +4  

    • #15.1   Rube Goldberg

      Oberlin Custodian Handbook Rule 273.6: All notes must contain at least one of the following: randoM caPitaLizaTion; “use” of quotation marks for awkward emphasis; underlining random articles located mid-sentence. All notes must relinquish responsibilities “associated” with your job.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: +8  

       
    • #15.2   Mishee

      Also claw, I think there is also a provision in there to “Provide false or incomplete information”

      I noticed the email address is incomplete, stating just a domain name.

      I mean, I highly doubt the all powerful “President Kristov” (Truman Show anyone?) would be as egotistical enough to have his email be: ThePresidentOfOberlinCollege@oberlin.edu

      I mean, that would take forever to login every morning…

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:14 am   rating: +5  

       
    • #15.3   jess

      It might take forever to login, but it is a daily (and probably only) affirmation of how AWESOME he is… (or thinks he is). Some people have egos that are just THAT big. I mean, hell, we know he is withholding toilet paper…who knows what else these poor students are missing out on.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 12:57 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #16   secondsout

    Maybe Oberlin’s dorms feature bidets. No need to have toilet paper, when you have an ass fountain.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:56 am   rating: +12  

    • #16.1   reyna ulikba

      The dorms probably have vendo machines that sell toilet paper. I’ve seen toilets in malls that have those.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 1:47 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #17   secondsout

    Remember, when visiting Oberlin college, don’t shake the hand of any of the students. You’re never sure just how they got their asses clean.

    Oct 1, 2008 at 10:57 am   rating: +7  

    • #17.1   claw71

      Nobody visits Oberlin College. It’s a dry campus in a dry town full of dry people. Oberlin students can be found slumming on other college campuses in the area. They’re easy to spot, the smug sense of superiority and pilgrim hats usually give them away.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: +11  

       
    • #17.2   Andy

      And they smell like shit!

      Oct 1, 2008 at 11:53 am   rating: +11  

       
    • #17.3   ciz

      Well, someone didn’t get in to Oberlin, apparently.

      Maybe it was for the best. Given the lack of toilet paper, they couldn’t afford more students who were full of crap.

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:03 pm   rating: +11  

       
    • #17.4   Goldie

      Ohhh ohhh I just thought of a new punishment for my kids, thanks guys, this is perfect!! Oberlin, right?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #17.5   Obie101

      Uh, if by “nobody” you mean easily 10 prospective students and their parents a day, then sure (for a college of under 3000, that’s a lot). As for other college campuses in the area . . . there really aren’t any, except for Lorain Community College. The closest thing I can think of is Case Western in Cleveland, and not only is that 40 minutes away, but it doesn’t really have anything that Oberlin students couldn’t get here (even music-wise, though the Cleveland Symphony is obviously a step up or several from the Oberlin Conservatory).

      As for dry, if you mean liquor-wise, well then, the town has blue laws, but the one bar is packed from open to close, and the liquor store just over the city limit line is raking in the cash. If you mean weather-wise, you’ve obviously never been to northern Ohio. If you mean humor-wise (or lack thereof), well, it all depends on who you talk to. Of course I might have proven you right by responding quite seriously to your statement, but then again, I’m an English major; what can you expect?

      Oct 1, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: +6