a “discussion” on shoes

October 2nd, 2008 · 107 comments

my favorite part of this two-page glory? the flash of insight on page 2: “i realize that last sentence is phrased as a question, but really it is more of a statement.”

related: care, it makes a difference

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FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · cleaning · confusion??? · exclamation-point happy! · grow up · highlighter · martyr complex · roommates · shoes · spelling and grammar police

107 responses so far ↓

#1 zchamu

Denka Hood and her Merry Maids went a little slap happy with the highlighter, methinks.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: +3

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- #1.1 UpFront
  
  Yeah, that’s Danka. It means “Thanks” in German. But way to go super star.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: +10
- #1.2 Ti
  
  German. You’re doing it wrong!
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:21 pm rating: +13
- #1.3 zombieBlanco
  
  My high school Deutsche is a trifle rusty, but isn’t thank you — danke?
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 1:47 pm rating: +21
- #1.4 Ti
  
  Correct Zb.
  I have to remember to danke my Oma for the cup of Sanka.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 1:59 pm rating: +2
- #1.5 christine
  
  i know it’s picky, but the spelling of “danke” destroyed this for me.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 5:48 pm rating: +8
- #1.6 aaa
  
  Ich habe Deustche gern nicht…
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:21 pm rating: +1
- #1.7 bean
  
  I hear ya christine. It was going along great, and I thought about photocopying it and putting it on the fridge at my house, but my roommates would laugh me out if I misspelled shenanigans. geez.
  
  “Our shenanigans are cheeky and fun. Yeah I mean his shenanigans are cruel and tragic, which makes them not shenanigans really at all. Evil shenanigans.”
  
  Oct 3, 2008 at 12:27 am rating: +3
- #1.8 Kelli
  
  Don’t make me pistol whip you bean!
  
  Oct 3, 2008 at 9:55 am rating: 0
- #1.9 Mishee
  
  bean, this is one of those instances when you want to maybe read all the comments or maybe CTRL+F a key word from what you want to say to make sure no one else covered that topic like, 18 hours ago.
  
  Just a suggestion.
  
  Oct 3, 2008 at 10:24 am rating: 0
- #1.10 Frankie
  
  Hey everybody, I was just CTRL+Fing “CTRL+F” and I ran across this post about CTRL+F. I was going to post something similar, but decided to CTRL+F it first so as to be considerate of any other similar posts from my esteemed postees. Thank you for spreading the CTRL+F knowledge Mishee.
  
  Oct 3, 2008 at 10:33 am rating: +4
- #1.11 bean
  
  please CTRL+F copy cat.
  
  Just for shits and giggles.
  
  Oct 3, 2008 at 9:33 pm rating: 0
- #1.12 TouchéTouché
  
  Wow, seems more like somebody is mad that the second shenanigans post appeared higher up in the totem pole than the original post.
  
  PAN - P = AN.
  
  Really, I’m sure everybody who saw the originally post must have thought Bean just utterly silly for not checking first. I mean, how inconsiderate for not letting the first poster bask in the glory of posting an idea first! Not to mention Bean had to up the ante by using Italics! Sniff.
  
  Oct 5, 2008 at 3:19 pm rating: +2
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#2 Mishee

All I saw on page two was “…can we do everyone (and my ear)…”

Sounds like quite the orgy note writer is planning.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:07 am rating: +11

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- #2.1 Holiday Djinn
  
  I think she left of the R. It should read (and my rear).
  
  Atleast, thats what i get out of it.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 2:46 pm rating: +4
- #2.2 mere
  
  omg, did you actually read what she said about her ear?!
  she tripped over her stiletto and almost caught her ear. now.. correct if me if i’m wrong, but why is it the roommates fault that she’s a klutz?!
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 3:53 pm rating: +2
- #2.3 Goldie
  
  Wrong, do it again. She tripped over Mt. Stiletto, as in, a mountain of stiletto shoes.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 4:57 pm rating: +4
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#3 RunBarbara

i tried to read this note but, in the tradition of the people it was intended for, soon lost interest in the project and went to steal someone’s lunch from the office fridge.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:09 am rating: +33

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#4 Dare

Stilleto Ear Sex… mmmmmmm

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:10 am rating: +2

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#5 Mishee

Almost Earless was the not-so-well-received, little-known “sequel” to Almost Famous.

It was about a groupie for Van Gogh.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:11 am rating: +28

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- #5.1 bobby
  
  She wasn’t a groupie. She was a paint-aid. All she did was love your paint.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 5:45 pm rating: +7
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#6 RunBarbara

rooms (or other places) to put shoes…
i wonder if they put their shoes the same place i do: in mishee’s mom’s ass.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:14 am rating: +1

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#7 claw71

I read everything twice and only three things stand out:

1. The author wears stilettos, you know, just around the house

2. The author is flexible enough to get her heel up near her ear

3. Teabag

When can I move in?

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:19 am rating: +49

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- #7.1 RunBarbara
  
  i quote the note:
  “proceed to put your dirty ones inside”
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:25 am rating: +11
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#8 smussyolay

i’ve had similar problems with roommates — garbage and dishes and such. but i what i don’t understand is, how is she going to apply the “cleaning fees?” does she have some sort of roommate collection agency?

i mean, if these people are already this inconsiderate (man, i wish i had a dishwasher, btw), does she think if she goes to them and says, “i cleaned the whole kitchen again, you owe me $5,” that they’ll pay?

seems like an odd threat to me. if i were the ultimatum type, i’d go more with ‘i’ll throw all your shit out’ or something. that she could actually enact of her own volition.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:20 am rating: +6

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- #8.1 se
  
  yes, “team,I’ll throw all your shit out”.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:37 am rating: +10
- #8.2 HS
  
  ____ is sick of the lying and cheating…
  ____ is Your stuff is packed and sitting in the garage!!.. Please pick up ASAP… Sick of the lying and cheating…
  
  -team ’sick of lying and cheating and threw all your shit out’
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:46 am rating: +5
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#9 bohemiac

I wish I could be this bitchy to my roommate. I feel like her fucking mother, she never picks up after herself or her goddamn cat– she doesn’t even feed it.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:26 am rating: +2

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- #9.1 splint
  
  like smussyolay said, the best way to deal with messy roommates is to keep throwing their crap in the garbage if it’s in the common area and not supposed to be. Dishes, glasses, clothes, shoes, whatever. Eventually, they’ll either learn or run out of stuff to messy up the place.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: +6
- #9.2 RunBarbara
  
  i feel like fucking her mothe-
  oh wait, i read that wrong.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: +18
- #9.3 bohemiac
  
  Obviously, your mind is one-tracked at the moment. ;P
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:36 am rating: 0
- #9.4 Paul
  
  the reason I come here is that I think passive aggression is laughable. it’s almost like people are coming here for TIPS on how to do it.
  
  just confront people. it’s uncomfortable, sure, but more so for THEM and then the problem tends to go away. writing little notes or throwing people’s stuff out isn’t real effective - and tends to just magnify your stress.
  
  IMHO.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:37 am rating: +6
- #9.5 bohemiac
  
  No, I completely agree, Paul. Throwing out her belongings will only exasperate things and as many of my friends have suggested leaving a note, it will only solidify my role as her (nagging) mother.
  
  She just has issues with giving a damn about anyone but herself.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: +2
- #9.6 claw71
  
  Oh yeah, Paul? Then how do you explain the passive aggressive jab at the people who visit this site? The reason you come here is because you find it laughable… Well, aren’t you special? And I suppose the rest of us are a bunch of losers who come here for a little schadenfreude, aren’t we? Asshole.
  
  Thanks. Thanks for dropping in and telling us all how you’re better than everybody else. Thanks for not being funny. Thanks for failing to offer a clever observation. Thanks for wasting our time.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: +44
- #9.7 ALA
  
  Bohemiac: Exacerbate.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:14 pm rating: +6
- #9.8 snee
  
  PAN confrontation*: paul, you’re an asspanda.
  
  *yeah, i know it’s an oxymoron. fax off.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:18 pm rating: +16
- #9.9 CremeBrulee
  
  Perhaps Bohemiac is worried about the feelings of the things being thrown out. Who knows what kind of havoc exasperated dishes and shoes might wreak?
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:21 pm rating: +5
- #9.10 jadefirefly
  
  Asspanda is so my new word of the week.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 3:34 pm rating: +3
- #9.11 waboolio
  
  If you are feeding the cat for her, then I would suggest you may be part of the problem. Her not feeding her cat sounds like a problem that would sort itself out… eventually.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 5:05 pm rating: +3
- #9.12 smussyolay
  
  unless she’s so clueless her cat starves to death. not to mention, why make a cat suffer for its parents’ crap?
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: +4
- #9.13 tinkerbell2
  
  I think asspandas sound kind of cute. Just me? Oh.
  
  Oct 3, 2008 at 7:33 am rating: +2
- #9.14 Donna Martin Graduates!
  
  @ bohemiac #9.5
  
  “…Throwing out her belongings will only exasperate things…”
  
  Even Beatniks, hippies and Czechs know the crucial distinction between ‘exasperate’ and ‘exacerbate’.
  
  Oct 3, 2008 at 8:30 pm rating: +4
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#10 The Divine Grace

Give ‘em HELL, honey! Gorgeous angry pathos.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: +2

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#11 amy d

This note is very hard to read. Try as I might to make fun of the note-writer, I cannot. I understand his/her pain.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:32 am rating: +6

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#12 Jennifer

Its funny how universal roommate problems are. I spent all day yesterday cleaning the kitchen and living room only to have it trashed two hours later. But I am not passive aggressive enough to put up a note. I will just keep picking up after inconsiderate five year olds. Funny thing is they are both older than me!

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:32 am rating: +2

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- #12.1 Jimmy Straightline
  
  Not aggressive enough to say anything, but passive enough to repeatedly be the maid? You sound like the perfect roomie - want to get a place together?
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:36 pm rating: +11
- #12.2 Fresca
  
  Wow, you type extremely well for someone younger than five.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:42 pm rating: +16
- #12.3 Andy
  
  As I understand it, the legal age for using the sink as a garbage can is 2, the legal age for erecting a mountain of shoes is 3, and the legal age for leaving your dishes in the other room is 4. Hence, your roommates are well within their legally bestowed rights.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 1:05 pm rating: +6
- #12.4 Allie
  
  I don’t know. I guess I fail to see how putting up THIS kind of note is passive-aggressive. I used to clean up after my messy roommates all the time. I got sick of cleaning up their shit and wanted to talk to them individually, but our schedules made it so that we were rarely home at the same time. Therefore, a note was the second best option. So she’s a little pissy, so what? Have you ever spent 4 hours of your day off cleaning up your slob of a roommates shit?
  
  Oct 4, 2008 at 6:10 pm rating: 0
- #12.5 park rose
  
  Allie, Allie, Allie. That’s why the line at the top of the computer (technical term) reads passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes - a little bit funny, ha-ha, a little bit. - Windows Internet Explorer .
  
  Oct 5, 2008 at 9:23 am rating: +2
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#13 pope suburban

I dunno, I can understand how she got to that point, but I’ve had roommates who made biohazards in the sink and who resorted to petty theft because we wouldn’t let her loser boyfriend live there rent-free (and in defiance of the lease, in an area not friendly to students). A note’s not my first choice, but if you’ve got different schedules or if you’re living with total psychos who’ll eat your face? Okay, whatever. Well done, A++, would lol again!

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:39 am rating: +2

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#14 Mishee

I don’t get it… I mean our shenanigans are cheeky and fun. Unlike some people’s shenanigans which are cruel and tragic…

Evil shenanigans!

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: +11

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- #14.1 bohemiac
  
  Aaaaannnd now I have to go rent Super Troopers.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 11:44 am rating: +1
- #14.2 agirlie
  
  shenanigans and tiddlywinks *snicker*
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 7:30 pm rating: 0
- #14.3 bean
  
  aw. shoulda checked all the posts first…but then I woulda felt like a copy cat loser. GO TEAM SUPER TROOPERS QUOTES!
  
  Oct 3, 2008 at 12:32 am rating: +2
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#15 Flaboy2425

Those notes are as hard to read as some of my old school tests done with a hectograph copier. Is the writer so cheap she can’t afford a good pen or copy machine? Hmmmm, mabye she/he should have used the highlighter to write the entire note.

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: 0

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#16 Weeds

Mt. Stiletto is located just west of Boot Town in the beautiful Sandal Islands .

Oct 2, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: +10

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- #16.1 Ti
  
  From the top you have a great view of wedgie cove.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: +2
- #16.2 Phalange
  
  Fun fact, the first person to climb to the summit of Mt. Stilletto was Sir Almost Earless and his sherpa Danka.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 12:42 pm rating: +23
- #16.3 Ti
  
  Ah yes dear sweet Danka. He was a deaf mute with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 2:07 pm rating: +10
- #16.4 JesFoolin
  
  You use the term buggery like it’s a bad thing. Do you seek to offend claw?
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 2:35 pm rating: +4
- #16.5 kittybrunette
  
  Dear Almost Earless,
  
  So, here is the deal:
  
  I was immensely enjoying my stay on Mt. Stilletto, with my friends Flip and Bootsy. The views were gorgeous–the Tower of Old Beer Cans over near Sink Valley, the brown waters of Old Teabag River, the echoing chasm that is Empty Magic Cleaning Thingy–when my vacation suddenly, cruelly, yes even violently, came to a CRASHING end. In your rage (mop and dishrag flying) when you carelessly tripped on Mt. Stilleto and came tumbling onto my very delicate frame, did you ever stop to consider the consequences for me?
  I was thankful to very narrowly escape injury, but only until I realized my fate. I now sit in a dark closet with no glorious view. I am coming to realize that I may never step out in glory on a Saturday night again, if my owner cannot find me out on Mt. Stilleto, glimmering in the reflection of the piles of dirty silverware in the sink. I may never be pulled out of exile again.
  
  I hope you plan on reimbursing my unused vacation time–I’ll send you my fee.
  
  DANKA,
  Sue Stiletto
  
  P.S.-And I must say, I enjoyed the company of Bootsy out in the open, but in this little closet, she’s really beginning to stink!
  
  Oct 2, 2008 at 4:00 pm rating: +14
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#17 &n

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

a “discussion” on shoes

October 2nd, 2008 · 107 comments

107 responses so far ↓