My favorite part of this two-page glory? The flash of insight on page 2: “I realize that last sentence is phrased as a question, but really it is more of a statement.”
related: care, it makes a difference
A “discussion” on shoes
October 2nd, 2008 · 108 comments
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · cleaning · confusion??? · exclamation-point happy!!!! · grow up · high on highlighter · martyr complex · roommates · shoes · spelling and grammar police
108 responses so far ↓
#1
zchamu
Denka Hood and her Merry Maids went a little slap happy with the highlighter, methinks.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: 3
#2
Mishee
All I saw on page two was “…can we do everyone (and my ear)…”
Sounds like quite the orgy note writer is planning.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:07 am rating: 11
#3
RunBarbara
i tried to read this note but, in the tradition of the people it was intended for, soon lost interest in the project and went to steal someone’s lunch from the office fridge.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:09 am rating: 38
#4
Dare
Stilleto Ear Sex… mmmmmmm
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:10 am rating: 2
#5
Mishee
Almost Earless was the not-so-well-received, little-known “sequel” to Almost Famous.
It was about a groupie for Van Gogh.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:11 am rating: 28
#6
RunBarbara
rooms (or other places) to put shoes…
i wonder if they put their shoes the same place i do: in mishee’s mom’s ass.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:14 am rating: 1
#7
claw71
I read everything twice and only three things stand out:
1. The author wears stilettos, you know, just around the house
2. The author is flexible enough to get her heel up near her ear
3. Teabag
When can I move in?
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:19 am rating: 52
#8
smussyolay
i’ve had similar problems with roommates — garbage and dishes and such. but i what i don’t understand is, how is she going to apply the “cleaning fees?” does she have some sort of roommate collection agency?
i mean, if these people are already this inconsiderate (man, i wish i had a dishwasher, btw), does she think if she goes to them and says, “i cleaned the whole kitchen again, you owe me $5,” that they’ll pay?
seems like an odd threat to me. if i were the ultimatum type, i’d go more with ‘i’ll throw all your shit out’ or something. that she could actually enact of her own volition.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:20 am rating: 7
#9
bohemiac
I wish I could be this bitchy to my roommate. I feel like her fucking mother, she never picks up after herself or her goddamn cat– she doesn’t even feed it.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:26 am rating: 3
#10
The Divine Grace
Give ‘em HELL, honey! Gorgeous angry pathos.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: 3
#11
amy d
This note is very hard to read. Try as I might to make fun of the note-writer, I cannot. I understand his/her pain.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:32 am rating: 7
#12
Jennifer
Its funny how universal roommate problems are. I spent all day yesterday cleaning the kitchen and living room only to have it trashed two hours later. But I am not passive aggressive enough to put up a note. I will just keep picking up after inconsiderate five year olds. Funny thing is they are both older than me!
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:32 am rating: 2
#13
pope suburban
I dunno, I can understand how she got to that point, but I’ve had roommates who made biohazards in the sink and who resorted to petty theft because we wouldn’t let her loser boyfriend live there rent-free (and in defiance of the lease, in an area not friendly to students). A note’s not my first choice, but if you’ve got different schedules or if you’re living with total psychos who’ll eat your face? Okay, whatever. Well done, A++, would lol again!
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:39 am rating: 2
#14
Mishee
I don’t get it… I mean our shenanigans are cheeky and fun. Unlike some people’s shenanigans which are cruel and tragic…
Evil shenanigans!
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: 11
#15
Flaboy2425
Those notes are as hard to read as some of my old school tests done with a hectograph copier. Is the writer so cheap she can’t afford a good pen or copy machine? Hmmmm, mabye she/he should have used the highlighter to write the entire note.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: 0
#16
Weeds
Mt. Stiletto is located just west of Boot Town in the beautiful Sandal Islands .
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: 10
#17
somestars
*This comment originated when I bumped the “Enter” button while editing, but the “Edit” feature does not allow deletion. Kindly move along to the one below.
*
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:51 am rating: 37
#18
somestars
this is a work of genius.
when you live with many people, it’s hard to get everyone together at once, so sometimes a note (even a deliciously nasty one) is necessary.
this is at once shaming and totally confrontational. there’s no indication of “Gee, I love you SOOOOO much, you raging messy bitch, thanks, please, extra smooches, bye now, have a good day.” Nope. To the point.
Bravo.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:52 am rating: 10
#19
bmommy
Hahaha…too funny. Wish I`d had the guts to write this to my old college roommate. However, now my husband probably wants to send me a similar note. For real, I`ve turned into a slob in my old age.
Oct 2, 2008 at 11:57 am rating: 0
#20
Resident Grammarian esq
Anyone who phrases a question without a question mark deserves to clean up after everyone.
Oct 2, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: 8
#21
madison
Damn! I had no idea I needed glasses until I tried to read this note.
Oct 2, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: 2
#22
Phalange
Wait, so they only considered themselves “semi-pissed” yet felt the need to write a 2 page note excoriating their roommates? Your roommates are turning the kitchen into a Superfund site and creating geological formations out of footwear, I believe you have the right to be 100% fully pissed.
Oct 2, 2008 at 12:48 pm rating: 4
#23
scattywah
Dear Earless,
It’s DANKE.
Danke.
Oct 2, 2008 at 2:20 pm rating: 1
#24
secondsout
Not sure whose shoes are whose? Maybe it’s not that hard. The soccer cleats are the jock, the ratty doc martens belong to the stoner, the “vintage” shoes belong to the hipster, the hiking boots are the granola girl, and the stilettos are the gutter slut.
Oct 2, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: 8
#25
nuttinhunny
Almost Earless,
I love shenanagins so I will NOT act my age and I will keep throwing stuff about. Apparently, my mother DOES live here.
DANKA,
Stilletto Sally
Oct 2, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: 2
#26
secondsout
I want a magic washing thingy in my house.
Oct 2, 2008 at 2:41 pm rating: 2
#27
secondsout
Perhaps she wrote DANKA as an acronym – it stands for “Don’t Ask, Nobody Knows Anyway.”
(source: Google)
Or maybe she’s too dumb to use proper German. Muchas garcias!
Oct 2, 2008 at 2:56 pm rating: 5
#28
Frankie
UrbanDictionary.com
1. DanKa
slang for “thanks a lot” when you’ve just scored a nice Dank sack.
“I must be going now, DanKa!”
It’s slang for us younguns. It wasn’t her name, just a closing statement. In case anybody was interested.
Oct 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm rating: 3
#29
Sra @ Bunsnip
I think people call something passive aggressive when it’s a confrontational message that they don’t want to hear. This letter writer is in the right.
Danke fuer die Blumen.
Oct 2, 2008 at 3:09 pm rating: 4
#30
squarejane
i’m with phalange on this one. it’s nice to see that the writer also didn’t stoop to the exhausted stereotype of claiming, “i’m not your mother”. how refreshing, but fess up, you are SO completely PISSED.
i had a roommate like these sound like… i would just take a big broom, sweep all his crap to the top of the basement stairs, open the door and keep on truckin… mess all gone.
Oct 2, 2008 at 4:17 pm rating: 3
#31
Goldie
I sense a movie script in the making here. I’d call it, let’s see, oh! “Sex In The City Movie II: Recession Style.” Having lost their jobs and their savings, Carrie, Samantha and what-the-heck-the-two-others’-names-are resort to moving in together. Due to dire financial circumstances, they are also forced to fire their maids. Hilarity ensues. You’ll laugh your ass off at splooge on the kitchen counter, Mt.Stiletto in the bathroom, and half-eaten Mr.Big hanging upside down in the closet!
Coming soon to a theater near you.
Oct 2, 2008 at 5:03 pm rating: 7
#32
katrina
I LOVE IT!!! an offer to “flip over” AND talk about shoes???? if only if only …..
Oct 2, 2008 at 5:53 pm rating: 1
#33
Kira
I love that she referneces the “Shoes” video. Trying to lighten the mood while delivering a verbal smackdown is probably not very effective.
Oct 2, 2008 at 7:52 pm rating: 0
#34
aaa
Dear semi-pissed earless freak,
I’m disappointed in myself. I was aiming to piss you off fully. Also, Mt. Stiletto was supposed to give you a lobotomy. But keep writing me PA notes so I know where I’m going wrong.
kthx
Oct 2, 2008 at 7:53 pm rating: 4
#35
Sloper
The greatest passive-aggressive moment of the note is, alas, also its downfall. If the writer must underline her aggression by calling attention to the fact that she did not intend her “Can we do everyone a favor…” quote as a question, can she not refer to it as an imperative (which it clearly is) and not a statement?
Oct 2, 2008 at 9:56 pm rating: 1
#36
Erin
OH I know the anger of cleaning up after people who put things like teabags in the sink so I do in part feel this girl’s pain. It seems as though she wrote this angry letter in stages- the “act your age” was a NICE touch at the end
Oct 2, 2008 at 9:57 pm rating: 1
#37
Woman on the Verge
Is the random highlighter usage supposed to enlighten the pigs? Anyone with a short attention span is going to hone in on those phrases.
Let’s see… If I only read those it says,” Keep it clean”; “Please clean it up”; “Is not”; “Everyone”;”Flip over for a discussion on shoes”. So basically, it could be interpreted as, “Don’t swear, clean up your language, everyone is included, I like to talk about shoes when I’m flipped over.” Yep, that should definitely inspire the intended behavior.
Oct 3, 2008 at 7:57 am rating: 1
#38
andipandi
imageshack makes baby jesus cry, because heaven has a net filter.
Oct 3, 2008 at 9:41 am rating: 1
#39
bullwinkle
All things considered, this seems like a fairly reasonable note.
Oct 3, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: 0
#40
really!
I think what I find the most amusing is in the midst of this pious rant the author makes a point of saying “this applies to everyone, including the author.” And gives the specific example that she tripped over her *own* shoe… In other words, she’s just as guilty as anyone else, but is now on her high horse to tell everyone else to change. Ah, the clout of a hypocrital PA note.
Oct 3, 2008 at 10:30 am rating: 1
#41
badfae
Why do people keep saying the letter-writer tripped over her own shoe? It quite clearly says “MT.” As in “a pile of stiletto shoes”.
If this is how she writes when she’s only SEMI-pissed (off)…boy, oh, boy.
Oct 6, 2008 at 12:49 pm rating: 2
#42
Canthz_B
“Flip over for a discussion on shoes”?
I knew a girl once who had “Flip over for missionary” tattooed on her back. This must be a shoe-fetish instruction.
Jan 12, 2009 at 11:58 pm rating: 0
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