Dear assholes

October 3rd, 2008 · 104 comments

I think we’ve received some of your mail by mistake. Just wanted to pass these along!

xoxo, PAN

Dear Assholes, I do not steal. I have never stolen from you. Why should you do that to me? CAN'T AFFORD A DOLLAR...GET A JOB

Dear Assholes, It's all good and well if you want to sneak out here to drink your beer, but please CLEAN UP after yourselves. This is the woods, not your trash can. Sincerely, The trees, the ferns, the groundhogs, all the other creatures that have to live in your mess

Dear Asshole, 6 spaces? Park the boat, then go out. I hope you can appreciate that I took the time to write + place this. I also hope, as much as I hope to get a cordless drill this X-mas, that you get towed. God.

Dear Assholes, Hope you enjoyed me liquor. It was my last bottle EVER and it was GREAT to wake up and find it all gone. Especially since I barely got any myself. Congratulations, you stole from a homeless, dirt-poor alcoholic minor. Hope you feel great about that.

related: Arrivederci, asshole

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · beer · garbage · God · parking · stealing · The Earth


104 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Mishee bang

    When I used to call my big brother an asshole when we were teenagers, his clever, oh-so-original response was to come back and call me a “Hole-Ass”… but then again, he never wrote it, so maybe it was calling me a “Whole Ass” – while means something different in my opinion…

    And now I wonder why I have low self image issues.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:42 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   park rose bang

      Never mind. Mishee cunningly gained first spot, and then backedited, nulling and voiding my comment, which was a response to hers :oops: . Move along, move along.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 10:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Mishee bang

      But your response was just awesome anyways rose!! :)

      Oct 3, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Mishee bang

      and you know, I’ve been told I’m a cunning linguist.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:58 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   amy d bang

    I don’t know any of these people so why are they writing me letters?

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:44 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   park rose bang

      Well, I never picked you as a Homeless, dirt- poor alchoholic miner (minor?), but I guess it explains the shakes and the way your words sometimes slur together, Ames. ;)

      Oct 3, 2008 at 10:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   timo

      Poor guy. He’s been working hard and just wants a drink.
      He’s been workin’ in a coal mine. going down down, workin’ in a coal mine, Whew about to slip down. Lord I am so tired. How long can this go on. I been workin’ goin’ workin’

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:58 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   D

      Amy,

      They weren’t. They were writing to me. I will instruct them next time to use my full name (Assholes McFuckbag) to avoid confusion. Please accept my sincere apology.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:16 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Bunnee

    Wow, it looks like these “asshole” people really get around!

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Mishee bang

    God, Asshole is such an asshole. Look at all these notes people have left for him around town!

    I wonder if his mother knew how he would be when she named him.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Bunnee

    Is that a homeless, alcoholic, dirt-poor MINOR or MINER? I mean, to steal from a minor is just unconscionable…

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   timo

      Oh sure pick on the miners! It is fine to steal from the miners is it? We dig deep under ground risking our lives so you can have jewels for your fingers and coal for your comfort. Ya daft princess we’ll see who you won’t be stealing from in January when your pasty flower picking nancy boy minor and you are shivering in yer hovel! Gor! Awa’an bile yer heid! :razz:

      Oct 3, 2008 at 1:07 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Bunnee

      Even though my ancestors are Welsh, (and probably miners) I have no idea what your last sentence says. (I want to boil your head??)

      Oct 3, 2008 at 1:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Mishee bang

      were your ancestors welsh rabbits?

      (sorry, but I just had to!!)

      Oct 3, 2008 at 1:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Bunnee

      Yes, and they were delicious over English muffins. (No Unitard–I didn’t say” fucking”)

      Oct 3, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   D

      An alcoholic minor, no less.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   Jahzzie

      Ithink the final translation is “Bile (vomit) on yer head”

      Oct 4, 2008 at 1:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   phoeniX bang

      how does that saying go?

      “easy as taking bourbon from a baby”

      Oct 4, 2008 at 5:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   Lyn

      “Awa’an bile yer heid” = Away and boil your head.

      Oct 5, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   amy d bang

    you stole from a homeless, dirt-poor alocoholic minor.

    I think he left out sarcastic and petulant.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:48 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mishee bang

      You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful…

      Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 10:51 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   amy d bang

      Wow, are you secretly Judd Nelson? No wonder I’m always hot for you.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 10:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   timo

      Where’s my god damn schnacky cakes!?

      Oct 3, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   D

      No, timo! That’s MY pot pie! That’s a bad timo!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Mark bang

      At least MY mother’s not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!

      (edited 9 months later… just as a test…)

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   D

      HEY!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Mishee bang

    For some reason I keep thinking of Otto driving (very badly) around London in A Fish Called Wanda.

    “Assholleeeee!”

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:48 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Fresca

      I can’t blame a guy for driving a fish badly, no matter what its name is…those suckers don’t even have turn signals.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Mishee bang

      Why do you think they make us memorize the hand signals and show them during the driving test?! Sheesh! Don’t you think of things like that?

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Jahzzie

      I’m thinking Dennis Leary “I’m an Asshollllle-ley-ole-le-ole”

      Oct 4, 2008 at 1:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Bunnee

    Dear Minor (miner?),

    Yes, I do feel great about stealing your liquor, especially if you’re an alcoholic. Here’s wishing you bon voyage on the road to recovery!

    Love,
    Asshole

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   D

      Dear Asshole,

      But it was my last bottle ever. Ever.

      First, I was forced into early retirement, and now I’ve been forced into early recovery.

      Hope you’re happy!

      Not really hoping you’re happy,
      The Homeless and Smelly, Yet Articulate Minar.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Bunnee

      Dear Smelly Minur–

      Now that you mention it, I’m not so happy. Since it was dark, I couldn’t see that I was stealing a bottle of MD 20/20! WTF?!? Can’t homeless alcoholics afford a better quality of booze? I say, if you can’t afford better rot-gut, then you shouldn’t be an alcoholic. Really, you’ll thank me for this someday. Although, you won’t be able to play the Palin drinking game that is sweeping the nation. Cheer up, there’s always crossword puzzles since you are so articulate. Just look at your “blanket” tonight when you go to “bed”–I believe it’s in the Life section. I must go now–I have a bottle to finish off.

      Fondly, (not really)
      Asshole

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Wade bang

    After a long life of sobriety and wealth, the once dirt poor, homeless minor miner recalled fondly the asshole that stole his last bottle of liquor…EVER!

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Sheepish bang

    why is the candy kept in the fridge?
    what are those red globs in the cellophane?
    and yes, this dude stole from me: my waist line, after eating all those candies.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Cookieput bang

      I think that last picture is in a store (I can’t believe an individual would have such a personal stockpile of candy unless they are predicting a worldwide nougat shortage) and the owner puts the candy in the fridge to prevent melting.

      If it is directed at customers, the “Dear Assholes” salutation is truly awe-inspiring.

      As for the mystery globs, my best guess is cherry jello wrapped in plastic for the tonsillectomy patient on the go.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 1:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Bunnee

      Too bad they put gum in the fridge, because it’s going to snap like a twig in the mouth of the person brave enough to chew it.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 4:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Fresca

    Dear Trees, Ferns, and Groundhogs,

    What makes you think you can speak for all of the other creatures that have to live in my mess? Who died and made you lords of the forest? I saw some ants the other day who were happily drinking the last drops of beer from my beer cans. They obviously LIKE living in my mess. Did you ever think about the ants? How about the yellow jackets? Are you going to listen to their voices too, or are you opposed to insect suffrage?

    Sincerely,
    Asshole

    Oct 3, 2008 at 11:01 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   D

      Dear Asshole,

      Suck on my spores.

      Sincerely,
      Fern

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Mishee bang

    wait wait wait wait…

    I just finally read one of the notes…

    Since when does God write Assholes notes, yet the pious and good hearted people can go their whole lives without ever conversing with Him once!

    And since when does the Dad get a present on his Son’s birthday? How greedy is that???

    Oct 3, 2008 at 11:02 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   zombieBlanco bang

      But Mishee, he wants a cordless drill, I’m not sure you’re fully appreciating the limitless possibilities and fun that accompany the ownership of a cordless drill.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   HS

      Yeah, like drilling holes in people’s b0ats that take up 6 parking spaces.
      Oh, what fun!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Bunnee

      It looks like he wanted somethng else even more, but didn’t know how to spell it.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Bunnee

      It looks like he wanted something else (deepshot?) even more, but didn’t know how to spell it.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Bunnee

      I guess you can’t click on the stop button to edit before your comment posts. *duh*

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   Mishee bang

      it’s chop something… not sure, but its great quality, so someone with better deducting skills can zoom WAY in and still see it perfectly.

      Get to it! I expect to see a report on my desk by noon, dammit!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   zombieBlanco bang

      Dear Mishee,

      It looks like it might be chop saw, in which case, God might be a pseudonym for Wade.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Mishee bang

      That’s great… which means he is mentally revising his Christmas list as he wrote the note. Maybe he was hoping his significant other would see the note, so he made sure to put down the item he wants most.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   Goldie

      Wow Mishee, I just wanted to say that God had crappy handwriting, but you’re so much more observant.

      But wait!

      What is it I see in the bottom left corner?

      A greasy fingerprint??

      Could it be???

      God… is… WHITEBLIZZARD70?!?!?!

      I think I just lost my faith. I’m going to go do shots for lunch now. See ya.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   amy d bang

      If you enlarge it, it actually appears to be:

      chop shou

      Chinese dish?

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   kiff

      i think it’s chapstick.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 3:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   Numinous bang

      If it’s Chop Saw vs Cordless Drill, I think he revised from “what I REALLY want” to “what I think I might actually get.”

      Oct 4, 2008 at 7:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Juliet

    “I hope you appreciate the time I took to write and place this note…”

    Probably not. Lack of appreciating others’ efforts is a hallmark of asshole behaviour. So is trying to induce guilt in total strangers.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   D

      I dunno. If I got a P-A note like that, I would be proud of my asshole act that earned it. And I would appreciate the author’s time… or rather, his sad, small life.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   claw71 bang

    God: So who ate my fruit?

    Adam: Uh, I dunno…

    God: What are you hiding behind your back?

    Adam: Nothing

    God: Let me see your hands.

    Adam raises his right hand.

    God: Both hands.

    Adam puts his right hand down and raises his left.

    God: God dammit! Let me see both your hands at the same time!

    Adam puts his left hand down, fiddles behind his back and then raises both hands.

    God: Did you just stick my fruit up your ass?

    Adam: Ummm…No?

    God: Turn around.

    Adam turns around, revealing a large mago-like fruit wedged between his buttocks.

    God: What the fuck, Adam! That was my last one.

    Adam: I didn’t do it, God.

    God: Bullshit.

    Adam: I swear on my mother’s grave.

    God: You don’t have a mother.

    Adam: Still, I swear.

    God: Well, how did that fruit end up in your ass?

    Adam: Eve.

    God: Eve?

    Adam: Yep.

    God: You expect me to believe that Eve put that fruit up your ass?

    Adam: Yep.

    God: And it’s OK with you that I will have to smite her.

    Adam: A god’s got to do what a god’s got to do.

    God: Jesus, you’re an asshole.

    Jesus: What did I do now?

    God: Not you, this asshole down here.

    Jesus: Adam?

    God: Who the fuck else would I be talking about? I haven’t made Lazarus yet.

    Jesus: You haven’t made me yet either.

    God: Jesus fucking Christ! You’re all a bunch of assholes.

    Adam: Hey, weren’t we made in the image of the creator?

    God: ASSHOLE!!!

    Oct 3, 2008 at 11:40 am   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Goldie

      I am totally making a copy of this for my next Sunday School class. I teach fourth graders this year. This should go over swimmingly.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:43 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   RunBarbara bang

      ..and with that, claw71 was forever penned in the book of eternal damnation.
      enjoy your yeast infection (in hell)!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:44 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Mishee bang

      I doubt that this little amusing story is the thing that is gonna get claw damned forever to the lake of fire.

      I am sure it would be something he said like, a year ago. He has calmed down quite a bit since he first started posting.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 11:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Max

      God: God dammit!

      This may be the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:23 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   amazon

      Repressing my laughter (I’m in my office) has just caused my eyes to tear up.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 3:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   D

      Have I ever told you guys about my theory that Jesus and the Marlboro Man are the same person?

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Bunnee

      I thought Sam Sheppard was thrown into the mix somewhere, too….

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Vampy

      Damnit. I am now madly in love with claw and have to join the I Love Claw queue.

      Oct 4, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Goldie

    “I am not here to clean after you, you asshole slob! I am a groundhog, not your mother! Wait… come closer… turn around… Son??”

    “Mother! Finally! I spent all my life looking for you. You know how hard it is to be a half-human, half-groundhog, dirt-poor, alcoholic kid in an orphanage? I got my ass kicked every day, Mom! Why oh why did you abandon me in the woods that day??” *sobs*

    “I was young and poor, son. Would you please forgive me?”

    And they break into song and dance, with the trees, the ferns, the empty beer bottles and other creatures all cheering them on… So what kind of movie should this be? Bollywood, Disney or Pixar? You choose.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 11:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   claw71 bang

      My vote is porn. I’ve already contacted John Stagliano. With all this talk of assholes, he seemed like a perfect fit.

      Go ahead…google him. He loves to be googled.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Goldie

      Yeah, Claw, like I’m falling for that one again after you made me google you!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   D

      Oh… that’s horrible.

      He didn’t make you click the “I’m feeling lucky” button, did he?

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Dare

    Stealing booze from a minor is like stealing candy from an asshole.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 11:42 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Guest99

      it’s OK. It’s just a Baby Ruth.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   claw71 bang

    I have to tell you, I spend a lot of time in the woods (I’m pretty sure that’s where Wade has buried my sister) and from what I’ve seen all those little creatures seem to enjoy the trash. I’ve seen raccoons the size of Mini Coopers dragging entire dumpsters into the woods. You might want to check the ground for footprints and make sure that this wasn’t a a case of critters gone wild.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   kittybrunette

    From the Raccoons (on a little note taped under the one from their friends, the Trees, Ferns and Groundhogs) -

    Oops, sorry! Last night we got carried away watching the debate and we forgot to clean up all the trash and beer cans.
    It’s just, we made up this game where we had to drink every time Sarah Palin said, “Well, up in Alaska…”
    It happened a lot. And then, our friend the Bear stopped by with some vodka he stole from a Russian miner, and that’s when we started throwing trash at the tv.

    Will you accept these shiny candy wrappers we pilfered as a cleaning fee?

    -The Raccoons xoxo :)

    Oct 3, 2008 at 12:01 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Bunnee

      They also had to drink every time she said, “golly”, “gosh”, “golly-gosh”, “gee whiz”, and “heck”. I kept waiting for a “shucks” to pop out, but it never did.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:27 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Goldie

      What, they didn’t drink at “doggone it”?
      Stupid, lazy, dog-hatin’ raccoons.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:29 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Tight E. Whitey bang

      I don’t like this thread, can we talk about Energy Policy now?

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:34 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   kittybrunette

      Don’t forget all the “bless his/her heart”, and there were two drinks for REALLY good ones, like “Oh, Joe, say it ain’t so!”

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Bunnee

      Why not, Tight E. It worked for Palin on just about every direct question aimed at her.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   secondsout bang

      If you took a drink for every time the word “Maverick” was used, you’d be in the hospital.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 3:41 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   Bunnee

      My husband said he wanted to hear her take it up a notch and say “Nucular (as she prounces it) Maverick”!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 4:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.8   The Commish

      We had a shot for every time she said “Maverick,” two for every time she referred to her talking points when they had no relevance to the question asked, and shot-gunned a can of Coors when she winked at the camera and forgot she was in a vice presidential debate — not the Alaska beauty pageant. Needless to say, I’m in the hospital with an IV in my arm and a colostomy tube up my ass.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.9   bellabeastie

      Ouch.. I feel your Palin pain.

      We did one shot for every time she dropped her “g”s… Done.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.10   Bunnee

      Enough about all this drinking…I want to get back to Energy. *wink*

      Oct 3, 2008 at 5:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.11   JoelWhy

      LMAO! Brilliant, just f*cking brilliant!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 7:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   tight-e-whitey bang

    A God who loves cordless power tools is an awesome God.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 12:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Mishee bang

      a poster who nests (gigglebraxes) their pretty decent comment is an awesome poster.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Tight E. Whitey bang

      I’m commenting on the original post, not anyone else’s comments. And you forgot the smiley face. But thanks so much !!!!! :-)

      P.S.: “Gigglebrax?” Really?!?

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Sloper

      A dirt-poor, alcoholic minor who uses hand-made clip art to punctuate his graffiti is an awesome… well, you get the point.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 12:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Mishee bang

      this situation is so not fucking delicious…

      yeah, I said it! whatchya gonna do about it???

      Oct 3, 2008 at 1:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   RandyinReno

      So, so close…

      Oct 3, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   RandyinReno

      If RB’s mom wasn’t scrubbing the skid marks from the rear end of the unitard, it’d be yours!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 2:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Sheepish bang

    even God doesn’t say Christmas anymore, wonder what Christ did to piss him off this time?

    Oct 3, 2008 at 3:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   secondsout bang

    The homeless, dirt-poor, alcoholic minor actually has pretty good spelling. I would venture to guess that he spells better than the rich, spoiled assholes that can be found in any high school.

    Oct 3, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   secondsout bang

    So did the writer of note #1 post this in the woods, thereby adding to the amount of trash in the woods, and reducing the natural appeal? Way to go, asshole!

    Oct 3, 2008 at 3:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   kittybrunette

      Look closely-notice that one of the trees helping with the note took one for the team and allowed the sign to be tacked into his side? There’s a definite bark-pattern showing under the note/string combo.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 3:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Andy

      I think you’re overlooking the tree murder that made the note possible.

      Oct 3, 2008 at 4:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   secondsout bang

    Can’t afford a dollar? Depends… how much does it cost?

    Oct 3, 2008 at 3:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Cookieput bang

      0.73 euros… no wait, 0.72 euros… forget it. Do you have any wampum?

      Oct 3, 2008 at 3:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Logical

    I love the one in the fridge…lol

    “Cant afford a dollar…get a job!!!”

    Too funny…

    http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/10/03/palin-vs-biden/

    Oct 3, 2008 at 10:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Elaine

    Awesome! This is hilarious!

    Oct 5, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   slythwolf

    I’m sure you’ll pardon me for saying it but he wasn’t much of an alcoholic, was he, if he didn’t drink the whole bottle at one go.

    Oct 5, 2008 at 11:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Time Tracker

    I would have thought that God had better handwriting?

    Nov 6, 2008 at 6:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   me

    boobs

    Nov 10, 2008 at 2:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Alexis Kyprios

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Dec 20, 2008 at 3:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   asshole

    thanks alot you asshole you rewind my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Jul 3, 2009 at 11:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   asshole

    assbitches,stick dick bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Jul 4, 2009 at 1:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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