listing in now magazine’s adult classifieds: $70. revenge?

October 6th, 2008 · 72 comments

…well, you know how it goes.

meanwhile, in melbourne…

and in london…

…a saucy variation on a much-photographed placard from london’s soho:

but my favorite sign was spotted by nick at a backpacker’s hostel in rio:

related: the whore of west babylon

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FILED UNDER: "customer service" · australia · canada · melbourne · rio de janeiro · sex sex sex · toronto

72 responses so far ↓

#1 zchamu

I wonder if the Panda motel gives them a kickback.

Oct 6, 2008 at 9:39 am rating: +1

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- #1.1 snee
  
  it’s really the asspanda motel, so no.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:07 am rating: +20
- #1.2 JesFoolin
  
  You were thinking that someone other than the Panda Motel put up the sign?
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:54 pm rating: +2
- #1.3 tinkerbell2
  
  asspandas.. awww.
  
  Oct 7, 2008 at 7:32 am rating: 0
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#2 myke

that prostitution was fucking delicious.

Oct 6, 2008 at 9:39 am rating: 0

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- #2.1 amy d
  
  That might have actually been funny if you had said prostitute.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 9:41 am rating: +12
- #2.2 Sirius
  
  Or not…
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 9:53 am rating: +18
- #2.3 Sleazy P. Martini
  
  Zzzzzzz
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 12:54 pm rating: +3
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#3 amy d

There’s an address I can’t frequent. I guess it’s good to know in advance where you aren’t welcome.

Oct 6, 2008 at 9:43 am rating: +14

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#4 amy d

What if I’m right-handed?

Oct 6, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: +21

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- #4.1 bean
  
  DOH! I CTRL+F’ed and everything!!
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 9:47 am rating: +1
- #4.2 amy d
  
  S’okay bean. Yours was a slight variation and I don’t feel it needed to be gigglebraxed.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 9:48 am rating: 0
- #4.3 D
  
  You don’t provide the services usually fulfilled by my left hand?
  
  Well, I suppose I will have to find someone ELSE to hold my knife when I’m eating steak, and to fret notes on my guitar. Thanks a LOT.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:42 am rating: +23
- #4.4 Ti O
  
  what about my left foot?
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:46 am rating: +1
- #4.5 claw71
  
  You know, when it comes to erotic relaxation any hand is the right hand.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: +30
- #4.6 secondsout
  
  One of the services provided by my left hand is knocking. Fuck it, then. I’m just walking right in.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 1:58 pm rating: +4
- #4.7 Numinous
  
  You know, I prefer both hands plus a couple of extra “helpers”.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: 0
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#5 bean

my left hand?! Do you mean to tell me I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time?

Oct 6, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: +21

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- #5.1 snee
  
  i suspect we have a left-handed PAN writer.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:04 am rating: +1
- #5.2 ShizzStirrer
  
  I write left handed and ‘relax’ right handed.
  
  We lefties know that all activites were made to exclude us, but we manage to overcome.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 2:43 pm rating: +2
- #5.3 kansas girl
  
  Wouldn’t it depend on “reading” material? Whether you need it, and whether or not you are able to hold it with your non-dominant hand?
  
  Oct 8, 2008 at 12:20 pm rating: 0
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#6 J0sie

I stayed at the Panda once and really recommend it. I didn’t realize I’d run out of cash until after the bellhop had brought my bags to the room. Luckily he accepted my offer for… other services… instead of a tip. He even gave me some cash to tip the room service guy with.

Oct 6, 2008 at 9:55 am rating: +5

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- #6.1 Troy McClure
  
  I think that bellhop was a young Barry Manilow:
  
  Her name was JOsie, she was a ho girl
  A tourist with no cash to spare who was looking for somewhere
  She could merengue and do the cha-cha
  The bellhop said “well there you are” and dropped her bags by the minibar
  She never had before thought that she was a whore
  He looked kind of cute, like her brother
  Who could ask for more?
  
  At the Panda, Sao Clemente Panda
  The hottest spot north of Havana
  At the Panda, Sao Clemente Panda
  Paying for passion is always the fashion
  At the Panda … not up above
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:14 am rating: +17
- #6.2 Troy McClure
  
  Fuck. South of Havana. I knew that.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:29 am rating: 0
- #6.3 amy d
  
  Josie, I think in this case, you provided the room service.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:37 am rating: +8
- #6.4 J0sie
  
  I’m on a really strict diet and always carry strawberries and whipped cream with me.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: +9
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#7 snee

“erotic relaxation” is my very favourite kind of relaxation.

Oct 6, 2008 at 10:10 am rating: +6

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- #7.1 snee
  
  relaxxxation!
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 10:44 am rating: +7
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#8 GhostWriter

The last note is simply a translation error. Our notewriter obviously mistranslated “panda bear” from its scientific classification, ailuropoda melanoleuca…

No, wait! there’s a joke here…

Ailuropoda melanoleuca literally translates to, “black-and-white cat foot” which the notewriter accidentally transformed into, “back and white cathouse streetwalkers” which, of course, leads to the term, “prostitutes”. The note actually intended to direct pandas to their own hotel.

See how funny?

Oct 6, 2008 at 10:27 am rating: +4

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- #8.1 kittybrunette
  
  Her name was Lola, she was a panda
  Catwalking the streets at night
  She was a dark-eyed bamboo delight
  Oh yes, it’s Lola…laa, laa, laa Lola…
  Dee, dee, dah, Lola…umm … Lola?
  
  Damn this cold medicine! Where are my shoes? I need to walk to the printer.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: +5
- #8.2 kittybrunette
  
  Sorry ’bout that last post. Really do have a wicked cold and the cold medicine combined with coffee is keeping me alive, yet obviously stupid.
  
  Someone really should take my keyboard away, only I’m supposed to be using it to compile end of the month reports.
  
  So, I’ll go do that now…I guess.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 11:15 am rating: +3
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#9 snee

this is not a brothel!

the scantily clad women of ill-repute you see lying about are sluts, not whores.

Oct 6, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: +36

reply to this comment
- #9.1 claw71
  
  Is that where Mishee and RB are today?
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 12:09 pm rating: +3
- #9.2 Mishee
  
  Claw - I’m actually home pleasuring myself to the “sound” of your comments…
  
  comon baby, say something else insulting and immoral… I’m almost there.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 12:16 pm rating: +3
- #9.3 RunBarbara
  
  ive been busy all day, just got back from the free clinic and claw- your mom is a dirty liar, i knew it was contagious but she just kept sweet talking me. tell that bitch she owes me $40 for antibiotics.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 12:25 pm rating: +3
- #9.4 mrs. pommelhorst
  
  Yes but Mishee, was it right handed or left?
  
  Inquiring minds need to know…
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 3:39 pm rating: +1
- #9.5 Mishee
  
  well, I am a lefty, but I have adapted to life in a “Right Handed World”
  
  so you take your guess.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 3:43 pm rating: 0
- #9.6 mrs. pommelhorst
  
  … so then you’re using your feet?
  
  Dirty!
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 3:48 pm rating: 0
- #9.7 Mishee
  
  Just call me Ridiculous Rose.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 3:58 pm rating: 0
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#10 Dare

I am so sick and tired of these places telling me what they don’t do! Tell us what you are willing to do and be proud of it damnit! This world needs less whiners and more doers!

Hmmm, course, with the previous statement, I was just whining. Damn this vicious circle!

On that note, “Look kids, Big Ben! Parliament!”

Oct 6, 2008 at 11:24 am rating: +3

reply to this comment
#11 claw71

I see notes like this all the time. Around the house. You know, you ask for anal one time…

Oct 6, 2008 at 11:53 am rating: +20

reply to this comment
- #11.1 Numinous
  
  I guess you’re in the wrong house.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 4:50 pm rating: +2
- #11.2 JesFoolin
  
  No, right house, it’s just that claw’s mom isn’t home yet.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: +1
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#12 GhostWriter

Damn- if it wasn’t for that note taped over the door grating, I would find the M. C. Escher-like pattern erotically relaxing.

Oct 6, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +2

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- #12.1 claw71
  
  You would, you sick freak, but then again I find Norman Rockwell’s work to be rather erotic myself so I guess we all have our own little quirks.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 12:07 pm rating: +6
- #12.2 GhostWriter
  
  Come On! I can’t be the only freak who finds a right hand drawing a right hand strangely alluring??
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 12:54 pm rating: +4
- #12.3 EY
  
  GW, you’re not~! Now, What a Way to GO~!
  
  Oct 10, 2008 at 12:46 pm rating: 0
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#13 claw71

In my experience prostitutes very rarely “come” so I think the last note only applies to that tiny percentage who really enjoy their work.

Oct 6, 2008 at 12:00 pm rating: +14

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#14 Andy

Backpacker’s hostel in Rio, I am so relieved to see you share the same disdain for prostitutes that I harbor. I will proceed without hesitation to the suggested Panda Motel to bathe in certain moral righteousness. I’m in your debt.

Oct 6, 2008 at 12:38 pm rating: +1

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#15 secondsout

NOW magazine? Isn’t that the National Organization for Women? It’s about time the feminists lightened up and allowed advertising for erotic services in their magazine.

Oct 6, 2008 at 1:45 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #15.1 ana
  
  actually, the confusing part here is that motels in brazil are only for this kind of thing actually… they charge per hour
  
  hostels or hotels are for the normal kind of stay.
  (well, with no prostitutes involved, that is)
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 3:27 pm rating: 0
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#16 Pazookie

“If you have to knock, you don’t belong here…? Well, that will keep the in-laws away!

Oct 6, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: +1

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#17 secondsout

This place won’t let the prostitutes come? Just the johns, apparently.

Oct 6, 2008 at 1:54 pm rating: +1

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#18 secondsout

So if I just walk in without knocking at place #1, there might be a handjob in it for me? Sweet!

Oct 6, 2008 at 1:55 pm rating: +1

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#19 Holiday Djinn

Mishee, was it a long walk to the Panda Motel?

Oct 6, 2008 at 3:04 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #19.1 Mishee
  
  It wasn’t bad, but you know, when you need prostitutes (especially ones that can actually come upstairs with you!) you do what you gotta do.
  
  Somethings in life are free, but for everything else, there’s Mastercard.
  
  Oct 6, 2008 at 3:49 pm rating: +1
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#20 HS

to the hostel in rio-
You said we couldn’t come upstairs, so it must be OK in the downstairs? The Panda has been getting a lot of business lately; we need more rooms…

-sincerely,
a forbidden prostitute from the upstairs

Oct 6, 2008 at 3:16 pm rating: 0

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#21 ansco

all of the prostitutes go to the Panda, that place must be real nice

Oct 6, 2008 at 6:23 pm rating: +1

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#22 Violet

Hahaha! I love that they had signs professionally made. I want one, if only for the giggle factor.

Oct 6, 2008 at 7:15 pm rating: 0

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#23 Jane

I recently saw a sign outside an apartment building in Tokyo that said (in Japanese) “Foreigners and prostitutes welcome.”

Oct 6, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: 0

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#24 lex

um these are fake? At least the first two, Not impressed.

Oct 7, 2008 at 7:10 am rating: 0

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#25

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

listing in now magazine’s adult classifieds: $70. revenge?

October 6th, 2008 · 72 comments

72 responses so far ↓