al gore would likely be pleased hear that marc in san diego rides his bike (a vintage blue colnago) to work in the mornings. a certain evangelical bike messenger, however, was less than impressed.
marc says he’s since ditched his old cable lock. “after this note taught me the error of my ways, i now keep my bike inside where it’s safe.”
related: next on thieves with low self-esteem
87 responses so far ↓
#1
Ti O
A Bologna?
I stole your bike, I was trying to help.
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:02 am rating: +4
#2
amy d
Hi ho, Colnago!
No? How about:
Colnago, take me away.
?
Still no? Tough room.
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:10 am rating: +16
#3
bullwinkle
meh.
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:11 am rating: +1
#4
César
Dear Crazy person:
please don’t steal my bike.
thanks.
Crazy Person 1
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:11 am rating: +2
#5
amy d
Well, stealing is a good example of living by your principles. If you’re a felon.
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:12 am rating: +35
#6
Mishee
This is why my important paperwork from the office across town was late??
WTF??
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:14 am rating: +24
#7
RunBarbara
The safe bet would be on the fact that this note writer is a skinny, fixed-gear riding elitist with hair in his eyes and a “derailleurs are for failures” sticker on his canvass messanger bag. In other words, he is every guy I have ever dated except he seems to be employed.
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:24 am rating: +58
#8
Ti O
Oblivious to the huge box and the stick propping it up another fixed gear freak was trapped by Marc with his Colnago bait bike. The tasty columbus DT15V tubing proving to be irresistible again.
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: +13
#9
claw71
I’m team note writer on this one. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t endorse criminal activity but there are some people out who seem to be asking for it. People who leave their cars running outside of carry outs, office workers who leave lunches unattended after 12:45, women who carry purses, girl scouts and their sexy little skirts…lessons must be taught. I don’t like to think of myself as a criminal, I’m a teacher.
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:40 am rating: +73
#10
Megan
Team note writer all the way! S/he DIDN’T steal the bike, and offered some very useful advice. I learned my lesson about cable locks the hard way. Fortunately I didn’t have a Colnago, whatever that is.
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:52 am rating: +12
#11
RunBarbara
i just noticed that marc is in san diego…the cycling community here is fairly small. i wonder if we know each other?
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:56 am rating: +1
#12
summer
…the bike fairy has struck again, using random office paperwork scraps from area buildings to keep his/her identity protected. Another bike saved due to this heroic act!
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:58 am rating: +6
#13
claw71
Can’t beat a little Queen, can we?
BICYCLE BICYCLE BICYCLE
I want to steal your BICYCLE BICYCLE BICYCLE
I want to steal your Bicycle
You just don’t love your bike
You should lock up your bicycle
Or I’ll take it if I like
The tires are black, the tubes are white
In the park it looks tight
When it gets dark I sneak up and
Can easily cut this cable
And take this bike of yours
You walk home, it’s your choice
Like an idling Rolls Royce
My god, Jesus Christ
The bike is so vintage man
A fucking Colnago man
What I really have to do is
BICYCLE BICYCLE BICYCLE
I want to steal your BICYCLE BICYCLE BICYCLE
I want to steal your Bicycle
You just don’t love your bike
You should lock up your bicycle
Or I’ll take it if I like
Bicycle snobs are out riding today
So be sure to buy U-locks Oh, yeah
Use cable locks and we’ll take it away
Just proves you’re a poser Oh yeah
That’s right Marc, you suck, ho…
Oct 7, 2008 at 11:03 am rating: +22
#14
secondsout
Ahh, bike messengers – the most hipster profession out there.
Oct 7, 2008 at 11:13 am rating: +7
#15
aaa
If only somebody did the same favor for the writer of this note…
Oct 7, 2008 at 11:58 am rating: +1
#16
aaa
Is anyone else reminded of the episode of Reno 911 where Dangle comes back from wherever to find that his bike has had extra locks put on it instead of it being stolen?
Oct 7, 2008 at 12:11 pm rating: +3
#17
Holiday Djinn
I would have just stolen the guys bicycle seat. Let’s see him get home like that.
Oct 7, 2008 at 12:25 pm rating: +1
#18
GhostWriter
I thought Pee Wee called his bike “Big Red”
…not “Colnago?”
Oct 7, 2008 at 1:30 pm rating: +1
#19
GhostWriter
From the look of the creases, I’m willing to bet our Crazy Person Marc wiped his ass with the note.
Oct 7, 2008 at 1:33 pm rating: +2
#20
Andy
If I had known you spell your name with a “c” I would have stolen your precious Colnago!
Oct 7, 2008 at 3:51 pm rating: +2
#21
MW
Maybe I’m in the minority here, but how is a cable lock so easy to break unless you’re travelling with wire cutters or tools or some shit?
Oct 7, 2008 at 4:22 pm rating: 0
#22
Woman on the Verge
I think the note writer’s other part time job is most likely a lock salesman.
Oct 7, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: +6
#23
Pook
I have been tempted to leave such notes. Actually, my insane dream is to steal someone’s bike, leave a note about proper bike locking techniques and then add a PS about where their bike can be safely picked up. Of course, I would not want to get my ass kicked during said pick-up, so I might just have to steal it on principle.
Oct 7, 2008 at 4:39 pm rating: +7
#24
marlo
I’d like to point out that the note is written on a Dynamex waybill. Heh. I used to see some pretty retarded lock-jobs back when I was couriering. It takes about 10 seconds and some bolt cutters to steal a bike that’s cable-locked. I’ve witnessed it happening before (yes, I did call the police).
Oct 7, 2008 at 5:24 pm rating: +1
#25
secondsout
Ben Curtis, bka the Dell Dude, with his “dude, we’re getting a Dell” commercials long since scrapped to the heap, appears to have found a job as a bike messenger. His limited phrases gave him away: “Dude! You’re riding a f-ing Colnago.” Just another edition of “Where Are They Now,” hosted by your reporter, SecondsOut.
Oct 7, 2008 at 6:03 pm rating: +4
#26
paulewannacracker
You’d think Pee-Wee would learn his lesson the first time.
Love,
Francis
Oct 7, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: +1
#27
Treespeed
Cable locks take about ten seconds with a battery powered sawz all. I had to cut through my own last month when the key gave out. The cable lock is my second lock.
Oct 7, 2008 at 6:34 pm rating: 0
#28
hamburke
I’m not an expensive bike-person (love my diamondback mountain bike that I’ve had for 12 years – and yes, I ride frequently towing the kids in the trailer) but I looked that bike up and it does not look comfortable. I’d be putting the cheapy lock on it too, hoping for an excuse to buy something different!
Oct 7, 2008 at 7:28 pm rating: 0
#29
chris
that principle was fucking delicious
Oct 7, 2008 at 9:38 pm rating: 0
#30
Andy
Using my highly advanced technique of speed
reading where I read the first word of most lines, I
got from this note, “Dear Person, Dude!
COLNAGO!”
See! it works …enough!
Oct 8, 2008 at 2:56 pm rating: +2
#31
Ryan G
Well, the seat is a bit on the big side, but it’s comfortable for now.
Oct 8, 2008 at 6:47 pm rating: 0
#32
Stompface
One time my friends were walking along the street, out the front of a house on the lawn was this really expensive bike. They couldn’t believe that some one was so stupid to leave such an expensive bike just lying there so they decided to teach them a lesson.
They took the bike, and were going to return it a few days letter with a note explaining why you shouldn’t leave bikes on the lawn.
So they took it home, put it under the house. Then forgot all about returning it. A year or so later, their brother who was going on his 2 year mormon mission, found the bike under the house.
He then took the stolen bike on his mission and rode it for the 2 years. So yes it was a mormon missionary riding a stolen bike.
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:44 pm rating: 0
#33
Indecent
All Mormons are thieves.
Dec 8, 2008 at 4:57 pm rating: 0
#34 no, daddy, i asked for a wii!
[...] related: an inconvenient truth [...]
Dec 26, 2008 at 4:30 pm rating: 0
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