the slow build

October 9th, 2008 · 106 comments

like so many passive-aggressive notewriters, the author of this note — which sarah in brockton, mass. says was posted in the elevator, front hallway, back hallway and the mailroom of her building after a particularly rowdy friday — just can’t seem to fully commit to sarcasm as a rhetorical technique.

the slow build

(you know, because otherwise people might not get it!!!)

related: just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

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FILED UNDER: massachusetts · neighbors · noise · thanks (but not really)


106 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Frankie

    I’m so picturing a cop drama right now.
    ” Come in unit 205. Come in unit 205. Over.
    Your are a douchebag unit 205. over.”

    Oct 9, 2008 at 6:22 pm   rating: +9  

    • #1.1   Dina

      “Dispatch, is that you? I know you’re upset you weren’t invited, but someone’s got to man the phones!”

      Oct 9, 2008 at 6:58 pm   rating: +12  

       
    • #1.2   bean

      Don’t call me radio…

      Oct 9, 2008 at 7:05 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #1.3   moosetracks

      don’t call me unit 205, radio!

      Oct 9, 2008 at 8:24 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #1.4   Kansas girl

      Don’t call me a unit, 205!

      Oct 9, 2008 at 9:04 pm   rating: +6  

       
    • #1.5   sommerrainstorm

      mmkay that one went wayyyyyyyyy over my head.

      really…

      i’m not as bad as that!

      Oct 10, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.6   Mishee

      I love it that it matches my shenanigans comment from the other day.

      we should try to sneak a supertroopers into each thread! yes! (but it probably won’t work.. I tried that about a year ago with Spaceballs… I made it like, 3 or 4 days…)

      Oct 10, 2008 at 10:26 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.7   kittybrunette

      Speaking of Spaceballs…

      http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/funny-pictures-nobody-knows-the-trouble-kitten-has-seen.jpg

      Heehee-this cracks me up!

      Oct 10, 2008 at 12:45 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.8   Frankie

      Supertroopers was exactly what I was thinking of when I first saw it. Of course I’m often thinking about that movie with absolutely no prompting beforehand. It just sort of pops out of me. Kind of like how those beer nuts keep popping out of my pocket and Mishee keeps scrambling after me to pop them right back it. I love it when you stick things in my pocket Mish.

      Oct 10, 2008 at 6:08 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.9   Mishee

      You just get all hot and bothered when you think of the Syrup chugging scene, don’t you.

      I don’t want to know what you do with syrup - unless you do it with me.

      Oct 10, 2008 at 6:16 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.10   Frankie

      We can go on a camping trip. And pour it all over eachother, and then we’ll eat our lunch. And then start to try and lick it off as fast as we can until the ants come…

      Oct 10, 2008 at 6:25 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.11   bean

      I am all that is man!

      Mishee I’m down if you are…Go Team Super Troopers Quotes!!

      Oct 12, 2008 at 12:53 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #2   Chinchillazilla

    I’d be pretty pissed if I were their neighbor, too.

    Oct 9, 2008 at 6:24 pm   rating: +4  

    • #2.1   bellabeastie

      But, Whaat? You didn’t get the note about the kegger? OMG- I left it on/under your doormat.

      Was that before or after my scumbag friends puked on it?

      ALL the neighbors were invited!

      Silly. You missed out!!

      Oct 9, 2008 at 11:16 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #3   Krystal Pistol

    My scumbag friends are really nice people! I’ll be sure to let them you know you said so.

    Oct 9, 2008 at 6:30 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #4   kidney bean

    Maybe “pigs” is the author? Some kind of wannabe-frathousesque nickname?

    Oct 9, 2008 at 6:35 pm   rating: +17  

     
  • #5   Dina

    Dear Neighbors,

    Thanks so much for the note! When I decided to have my little get-together, I wasn’t exactly sure whether my friends would mesh well with yours. It’s such a relief to know that you all got on so well. I’ll be sure to invite them back soon!

    Cheers,

    “The Big” Unit 205

    Oct 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: +26  

    • #5.1   bean

      goddammit! I’m getting more than a little sick of always being the last one to think up the same thing!!

      Oct 9, 2008 at 6:58 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #6   bean

    fuck it. Think of something witty, and I’ll just copy it with precision timing.

    Oct 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #7   summer

    well, at least he’s not bitter.

    Oct 9, 2008 at 7:10 pm   rating: +3  

    • #7.1   Quite Contrary

      Bean isn’t bitter either…

      Oct 9, 2008 at 8:10 pm   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #8   park rose

    Those not invited to the party in 205 looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

    Oct 9, 2008 at 7:12 pm   rating: +57  

    • #8.1   mrs. pommelhorst

      marry me.

      Oct 9, 2008 at 9:01 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #8.2   park rose

      I thought you were busy stalking Mishee?

      Oct 9, 2008 at 9:38 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #8.3   mrs. pommelhorst

      What can I say? I’m a really slutty stalker. :)

      Oct 10, 2008 at 7:53 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #8.4   amy d

      *aroused from her slumber by the sounds of sluttiness, amy prowls*

      Oct 10, 2008 at 8:16 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #8.5   park rose

      Well, on backreading, I think it was only Mishee’s panties you were interested in. Marriage, eh? That’s another whole ball game. And you’ve woken Amy ♥ I hope you’re a match for her ;)

      Oct 10, 2008 at 8:37 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #8.6   Mishee

      God, I have no material for just ONE note and look what happens!

      *gently weeps*

      Oct 10, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #8.7   park rose

      She’s fickle, isn’t she Mish, or by her own confession, a slutty stalker… but the other members of your admiration society are still loyal and to be trusted, I’m sure.

      Oct 10, 2008 at 9:15 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #8.8   se

      sniff,sniff, ummm.. can we go back to discussing Mishee’s panties?

      Oct 10, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #9   Canthz_B

    Pigs are under-appreciated animals. This was a well deserved shout-out.

    PIGS!!!

    Oct 9, 2008 at 7:18 pm   rating: +23  

    • #9.1   Mark

      Well, we’d have to be talkin’ about one charming mother-fucking pig. He’d have to be ten times more charming than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I’m sayin’?

      Oct 9, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: +15  

       
    • #9.2   Canthz_B

      Charlotte tells me he’s some pig.

      Oct 9, 2008 at 8:10 pm   rating: +12  

       
    • #9.3   Flying High

      Spider pig?

      Oct 9, 2008 at 9:59 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #9.4   Sue Do Nim

      spider pig
      spider pig
      does whatever a
      spider pig does

      Oct 10, 2008 at 12:16 am   rating: +7  

       
    • #9.5   amazon

      Pigs are filthy animals. I don’t eat filthy animals.

      Oct 10, 2008 at 12:34 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.6   Mishee

      If you hit a man, in time his wounds will heal. If you steal from a man, you can replace what you’ve stolen. But always cross in the green, never in between. Because the honorable Elijah Muhammed Ali floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. And always remember my brother, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, knick knack, paddy whack, give a dog a bone, two thousand, zero, zero, party, oops! Out of time, my bacon smellin’ fine.

      “Swine, my brother??”

      Oct 10, 2008 at 12:47 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #9.7   claw71

      Nice DBAMTSCWDYJITH Reference.

      Oct 10, 2008 at 3:53 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #10   Monique

    It’s a friday night for gods sake, let them have the party and get your own LIFE! Sorry, I’m a little bitter, a similar thing happened to me recently. Accept the passive aggressive note was sent to the realtor :(

    Oct 9, 2008 at 7:37 pm   rating: +2  

    • #10.1   Dina

      Dear Monique,

      It’s spelled “except”.

      Love, The Big Unit 205

      Oct 9, 2008 at 7:51 pm   rating: +14  

       
    • #10.2   Monique

      No, it was a personal mantra. I was trying to accept that it had been sent to the realtor… :)

      Oct 10, 2008 at 7:29 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #10.3   The Commish

      Nice save, Monique

      Oct 10, 2008 at 5:19 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #11   0falcon8

    dear passive-aggressive apartment neighbor:
    we take much offense at the species slur in your note. we are extremely clean and intelligent animals and do not partake in frat-type activities like drinking beer, as we lack opposable thumbs. furthermore, if you think “oink” is a swear word, then you can go oink yourself, you oinkin’ motheroinker. oink off, you oinkhole.

    the pigs

    Oct 9, 2008 at 7:43 pm   rating: +21  

    • #11.1   bellabeastie

      Regarding the lack of opposable thumbs..
      We can still drink beer-from a trough. I know it isn’t pretty, but if you’re buyin’ — we’re tryin’

      And don’t think of oinkin my sister or I will have to oink you Up. Now who is the Big Hog?

      Oct 9, 2008 at 11:52 pm   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #12   HS

    Dear PIGS!!!,

    You’re welcome!!

    Unit 205

    Oct 9, 2008 at 7:54 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #13   Eric B.

    What’s the big deal? It’s not like there was cheese smeared on the doors or anything. The note writer is so ungrateful!

    Oct 9, 2008 at 7:54 pm   rating: +9  

     
  • #14   amy d

    Those scumbag friends were my neighbors. Perhaps you would know that if you weren’t cooped up in your unit all the time eating bon-bons and talking to your birds.

    Oct 9, 2008 at 8:01 pm   rating: +9  

     
  • #15   secondsout

    What about my friends who aren’t scumbags? Can they be as noisy as they like? Awesome!

    Oct 9, 2008 at 8:04 pm   rating: +7  

    • #15.1   claw71

      S’out, I have trouble believing that you have any friends, scumbags or otherwise.

      Oct 10, 2008 at 9:38 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #16   secondsout

    So was Sarah living in Apt 205 or just sending in the picture?

    Oct 9, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #17   Resident Grammarian esq

    Hmm, loud raucous party what do I do.?
    A) Call the police
    B) Call them / Knock on the apartment door
    C) Write a badly constructed PAN using no clip art (even though it was typed), and stick it in different places, using an uneconomical amount of blue tape.

    Oct 9, 2008 at 8:33 pm   rating: +7  

     
  • #18   claw71

    This note is actually a transcript from a recent condominium association meeting. I was there. It was really sweet, the residents of unit 205 presented one of the association members with an award. They did throw a pretty wild party but it was a lot of fun and we all enjoyed the crazy Scumbag family.

    The whole affair was great, we were all having a wonderful time when all of the sudden the doors to the banquet hall crashed open and a dozen hogs came bounding in. It scared the crap out of everybody, especially the speaker. Pigs, indeed.

    Oct 9, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: +14  

    • #18.1   Woman on the Verge

      I don’t know as I have ever seen a hog actually “bound”… this could be quite visually alarming.

      Oct 9, 2008 at 8:53 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #18.2   bellabeastie

      You can usually calm them with cucumber sandwiches and party games and presents.

      Oct 9, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #18.3   wright

      Don’t forget the Mongolian BBQ hats! Any pig worthy of their little cloven hooves will let you carve bacon right off them for a cute little hat!

      Oct 10, 2008 at 2:43 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #19   Woman on the Verge

    Dear People Who Were Not Invited to the Unit 205 Party,

    Stop venting your jealous rage by leaving copious amounts of blue tape on the windows. Just because we have rowdy, fun, piggish friends with colorful vocabularies and you don’t is no reason to deface property with garish tape and uninspired notes with boring fonts.

    Love,
    Unit 205, or as our friends call us, 205 Unit

    Oct 9, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: +3  

    • #19.1   wright

      I hope they at least used different-colored tape for posting it in the front and back halls, the elevator and the mailroom. That would compensate a LITTLE for the lack of clip-art.

      Oct 11, 2008 at 12:47 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #20   strike_a_light

    Sound control to 205
    Sound control to 205
    Send your scumbags home and put your unitard on

    Sound control to 205
    Commencing PAN, search engines on
    Don’t invite those pigs, whatever else you do…

    Oct 9, 2008 at 9:26 pm   rating: +18  

    • #20.1   Goldie

      If I cannot party here tonight
      There will still be notes left to write
      What else can I do
      I’m not invited by you
      I will be swearing for the longest time

      Oink, oink, oink, oink, for the longest time
      oink, oink, oink
      for the longest

      Oct 9, 2008 at 9:46 pm   rating: +11  

       
    • #20.2   Ti O

      Great… Thanks a lot Strike_a_light for that little earworm! 10…9….8…7…

      Oct 10, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #20.3   Goldie

      their duct tape is blue and there’s nothing I can do ;)

      Oct 10, 2008 at 3:09 pm   rating: +4  

       
     
  • #21   Quite Contrary

    Dear PIGS!

    Did you ever stop to think there might be a reason you weren’t invited?

    Signed, Thank You Unit 205

    Oct 9, 2008 at 9:26 pm   rating: +2