our anonymous submitter reports that a certain less-than-collegial colleague had the gall to dash off this note while the perfume-wearer in question was standing at the photocopier less than five feet away. and, our submitter adds: “she did not attempt at all to disguise her handwriting.”
related: fight or flight
91 responses so far ↓
#1
paige
i hope this note came with gagging/choking sound effects.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:02 pm rating: +2
#2
Troy McClure
Writing a note has this going for it over speaking directly: you can do it while holding your breath.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:10 pm rating: +22
#3
amy d
I guess she was wearing Eau de Poo Poo.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: +4
#4
Canthz_B
The note writer has multiple personality disorder.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:19 pm rating: +1
#5
C
Rejected first draft: “I’ll say it: don’t spray it.”
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:21 pm rating: +38
#6
nimeye
I guess you should stop rubbing shit on yourself before coming in to work.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:24 pm rating: +7
#7
Claire
Muuh ha ha ha! This perfume that makes you gag is my revenge for all the times you came by and farted in my cubicle!!! You may gag, but you have made my eyes water with YOUR noxious fumes for the last time!!!
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:44 pm rating: +7
#8
Claire
Does this mean an end to the “Secret Santa” gift exchange? There is always one person who forgets until the last minute and grabs the cheapest bottle of toilet water…..ah! The gift that keeps on giving…and giving…and giving…
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:50 pm rating: 0
#9
Claire
Here is the response from the note’s receiver:
“Dear…Highly Sensitive Olefactory Person:
I wear this perfume in high hopes that eventually you will quit and I want have to:
1) listen to you whistle the theme song from that penile enhancement drug commercial
2)that you will pass out and I will not have to listen to you bragging to your friends on company time about your sexual exploits the night before, and
3) that you will stop leaning over my cubicle, burb loudly in my direction and ask me to play the “Let’s Guess What I Had For Lunch” game….
Hugs!
Pepe Le Pew”
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:54 pm rating: +4
#10
0falcon8
she should have confronted the author with the retort: “yeah, well, you’re fat and ugly, but at least i can lay off the perfume.”
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:06 pm rating: +14
#11
morpho aurora
dear coworker,
that’s not my perfume gagging everyone, it’s the package i left on your desk. just because your name is britney doesn’t mean you can leave your undies in the restroom. maybe you shouldn’t try to hold it so long.
♥ ,
wishing i had noseplugs
☺
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:20 pm rating: +6
#12
Mausism
That perfume was fucking delicious!
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:21 pm rating: 0
#13
bellabeastie
Imagine how bad it is on the North side of the office… where they do the big jobs. They should be thankful all they have to deal with is her spray-on stinkage. They could be puking.
(I will ignore the FD reference. )
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:42 pm rating: +7
#14
bellabeastie
He came to her on a gentle autumn evening… he had been away so long she could hardly restrain her desire. He was bearing a gift, a small package, but as we all know good things come that way. They made love until the sun came up and she realized it was time to part. She unwrapped the package and after she had sent him on his way–who knew when she would see him again–she showered and sprayed the contents of the delicate bottle on herself.
So in love she didn’t realize…
She SMELLED LIKE SHIT!
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:55 pm rating: +4
#15
snee
smells like shit
well, it’s no teen spirit, but it’s got some nice riffs.
…nevermind.
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:56 pm rating: +21
#16
BurstingAtTheSeams
So, anonymous submitter, if you’re out there, did it work? Has the culprit taken it down a notch? Or maybe invested in a urine-scented perfume instead?
The curiousity burns!!!
Oct 12, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: +1
#17
maude
Wow, I guess that’s what HR departments are for. But I understand the sentiment - I sure as sh#t hate inhaling strong perfume.
Oct 13, 2008 at 12:32 am rating: +1
#18
Halley
the only thing that would have made it better instead of the very straight forward PAness, would be to alert HR so that they could post clip-art enhanced flyers around the office and inter-office emails alerting the employees that “Many people are unable to handle perfumes in a closed environment. Please no heavy scented colognes!” I think this would go well with the picture of the black squiggly dude snapping his fingers with an exclamation mark over his head.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:04 am rating: +7
#19
fantasy
Without You
by Harry Nilsson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mbaquq3txs
No, I can’t forget this ever
The stench that you are leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
I always smile but in my eyes they water so
Yes, it shows
No, I can’t work tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I smell you there and wish that you would go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
I can’t breathe, while breathing in that odor
I can’t breathe, I can’t smell that shit any more
I can’t breathe if breathing means worknig with you
No I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe shit any more
No, I can’t forget your odor
Or that it smells like shit not clover
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
I’ll plug my nose, my eyes they water, it shows
Yes, it shows
I can’t breathe, if breathing is around you
I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe anymore
I can’t work, if that cloud hangs around you
I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe shit anymore
No I can’t breathe
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:20 am rating: +15
#20
secondsout
If you think the perfume is bad, you should see how bad the armpit smell is that she’s caking the perfume on to cover it up.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:52 am rating: +3
#21
Stringyhair
“Perhaps I do smell like shit, but your husband likes it.”
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:53 am rating: +18
#22
secondsout
It’s the smelliest colognes and perfumes that people cake on. Seriously, gross. You smell like the urinal in a French cathouse.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:55 am rating: +7
#23
secondsout
The co-worker, being part dog, had just rolled in whatever was in the alley behind the office building.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:56 am rating: +6
#24
Mean Girl
This is when you get to work early and SOAK the fabric of this cunt’s desk chair in your “shitty” perfume. The ultimate revenge.
Oct 13, 2008 at 2:06 am rating: +10
#25
Neil
I’m thinking the extinction of the human species would be a welcome gift to the universe….
Oct 13, 2008 at 3:10 am rating: +3
#26
bean
still smells better than your sixth grade maturity.
drink em bot togedder
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:59 am rating: 0
#27
tinkerbell2
I suspect a reconstruction, unless the submitter had the cojones to stand over the desk and take a photo of the note before the stinker came back from the photocopier..
Oct 13, 2008 at 7:53 am rating: +1
#28