our anonymous submitter reports that a certain less-than-collegial colleague had the gall to dash off this note while the perfume-wearer in question was standing at the photocopier less than five feet away. and, our submitter adds: “she did not attempt at all to disguise her handwriting.”
related: fight or flight
92 responses so far ↓
#1
paige
i hope this note came with gagging/choking sound effects.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:02 pm rating: +4
#2
Troy McClure
Writing a note has this going for it over speaking directly: you can do it while holding your breath.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:10 pm rating: +27
#3
amy d
I guess she was wearing Eau de Poo Poo.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: +4
#4
Canthz_B
The note writer has multiple personality disorder.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:19 pm rating: +1
#5
C
Rejected first draft: “I’ll say it: don’t spray it.”
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:21 pm rating: +39
#6
nimeye
I guess you should stop rubbing shit on yourself before coming in to work.
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:24 pm rating: +8
#7
Claire
Muuh ha ha ha! This perfume that makes you gag is my revenge for all the times you came by and farted in my cubicle!!! You may gag, but you have made my eyes water with YOUR noxious fumes for the last time!!!
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:44 pm rating: +7
#8
Claire
Does this mean an end to the “Secret Santa” gift exchange? There is always one person who forgets until the last minute and grabs the cheapest bottle of toilet water…..ah! The gift that keeps on giving…and giving…and giving…
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:50 pm rating: 0
#9
Claire
Here is the response from the note’s receiver:
“Dear…Highly Sensitive Olefactory Person:
I wear this perfume in high hopes that eventually you will quit and I want have to:
1) listen to you whistle the theme song from that penile enhancement drug commercial
2)that you will pass out and I will not have to listen to you bragging to your friends on company time about your sexual exploits the night before, and
3) that you will stop leaning over my cubicle, burb loudly in my direction and ask me to play the “Let’s Guess What I Had For Lunch” game….
Hugs!
Pepe Le Pew”
Oct 12, 2008 at 9:54 pm rating: +4
#10
0falcon8
she should have confronted the author with the retort: “yeah, well, you’re fat and ugly, but at least i can lay off the perfume.”
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:06 pm rating: +14
#11
morpho aurora
dear coworker,
that’s not my perfume gagging everyone, it’s the package i left on your desk. just because your name is britney doesn’t mean you can leave your undies in the restroom. maybe you shouldn’t try to hold it so long.
♥ ,
wishing i had noseplugs
☺
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:20 pm rating: +6
#12
Mausism
That perfume was fucking delicious!
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:21 pm rating: 0
#13
bellabeastie
Imagine how bad it is on the North side of the office… where they do the big jobs. They should be thankful all they have to deal with is her spray-on stinkage. They could be puking.
(I will ignore the FD reference. )
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:42 pm rating: +7
#14
bellabeastie
He came to her on a gentle autumn evening… he had been away so long she could hardly restrain her desire. He was bearing a gift, a small package, but as we all know good things come that way. They made love until the sun came up and she realized it was time to part. She unwrapped the package and after she had sent him on his way–who knew when she would see him again–she showered and sprayed the contents of the delicate bottle on herself.
So in love she didn’t realize…
She SMELLED LIKE SHIT!
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:55 pm rating: +5
#15
snee
smells like shit
well, it’s no teen spirit, but it’s got some nice riffs.
…nevermind.
Oct 12, 2008 at 10:56 pm rating: +22
#16
BurstingAtTheSeams
So, anonymous submitter, if you’re out there, did it work? Has the culprit taken it down a notch? Or maybe invested in a urine-scented perfume instead?
The curiousity burns!!!
Oct 12, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: +1
#17
maude
Wow, I guess that’s what HR departments are for. But I understand the sentiment – I sure as sh#t hate inhaling strong perfume.
Oct 13, 2008 at 12:32 am rating: +1
#18
Halley
the only thing that would have made it better instead of the very straight forward PAness, would be to alert HR so that they could post clip-art enhanced flyers around the office and inter-office emails alerting the employees that “Many people are unable to handle perfumes in a closed environment. Please no heavy scented colognes!” I think this would go well with the picture of the black squiggly dude snapping his fingers with an exclamation mark over his head.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:04 am rating: +7
#19
fantasy
Without You
by Harry Nilsson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mbaquq3txs
No, I can’t forget this ever
The stench that you are leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
I always smile but in my eyes they water so
Yes, it shows
No, I can’t work tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I smell you there and wish that you would go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
I can’t breathe, while breathing in that odor
I can’t breathe, I can’t smell that shit any more
I can’t breathe if breathing means worknig with you
No I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe shit any more
No, I can’t forget your odor
Or that it smells like shit not clover
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
I’ll plug my nose, my eyes they water, it shows
Yes, it shows
I can’t breathe, if breathing is around you
I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe anymore
I can’t work, if that cloud hangs around you
I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe shit anymore
No I can’t breathe
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:20 am rating: +15
#20
secondsout
If you think the perfume is bad, you should see how bad the armpit smell is that she’s caking the perfume on to cover it up.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:52 am rating: +3
#21
Stringyhair
“Perhaps I do smell like shit, but your husband likes it.”
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:53 am rating: +19
#22
secondsout
It’s the smelliest colognes and perfumes that people cake on. Seriously, gross. You smell like the urinal in a French cathouse.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:55 am rating: +7
#23
secondsout
The co-worker, being part dog, had just rolled in whatever was in the alley behind the office building.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:56 am rating: +6
#24
Mean Girl
This is when you get to work early and SOAK the fabric of this cunt’s desk chair in your “shitty” perfume. The ultimate revenge.
Oct 13, 2008 at 2:06 am rating: +11
#25
Neil
I’m thinking the extinction of the human species would be a welcome gift to the universe….
Oct 13, 2008 at 3:10 am rating: +3
#26
bean
still smells better than your sixth grade maturity.
drink em bot togedder
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:59 am rating: 0
#27
tinkerbell2
I suspect a reconstruction, unless the submitter had the cojones to stand over the desk and take a photo of the note before the stinker came back from the photocopier..
Oct 13, 2008 at 7:53 am rating: +1
#28
claw71
Say, that’s an interesting scent you’re wearing…that wouldn’t be that Oh da toilet perfume I’ve been hearing about would it?
Oct 13, 2008 at 8:05 am rating: +1
#29
Dare
The Pug technique of going to school… stink out your fellow students until you sit on the far right of the bell-curve.
Oct 13, 2008 at 9:29 am rating: 0
#30
Ti O
She was misted by the fecal spray when she flushed the USS Turdania down. That’s what your smelling.
Oct 13, 2008 at 9:42 am rating: +11
#31
Flaboy2425
Promoting the perfume wearer to a managemnet position would increase productivity. Everyone could smell her coming before she got to them and work on a spreadsheet instead of trying to save the universe from space aliens.
Oct 13, 2008 at 9:44 am rating: +5
#32
claw71
Outkast said it all with Roses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lk1awSIang
Costco line! Costco line!
Everybody thinks the prices are mighty fine
But discount stuff isn’t worth it half the time
And the other half either doesn’t work or it comes up short
Yeah, now get this…even though
You bought it in a big jug you had to divide
By the time you break it down you have to realize
That real perfume doesn’t come in jars, girl, oh yeah!
I know you like to think that shit don’t stank
But I can’t get any closer cause bitch you smell like Poo-poo
Yeah, girl I said you really smell like Poo-poo-poo
Costco Line! It’s not something to which you should switch
I hope she’s walking over to the tub
And trying to hurry up to get to work or something
Then she trips up on the rug when she looks in the mirror
And splash, splash, splash…and gets rinsed (just sayin’)
Why did you buy the gallon jug you had to divide
Everytime you break it down you don’t realize
That good perfume doesn’t come in jars, girl, oh yeah!
I know you like to think that shit don’t stank
But I can’t get any closer cause bitch you smell like Poo-poo
Yeah, girl I said you really smell like Poo-poo-poo
Oct 13, 2008 at 9:58 am rating: +7
#33
Andy
Smells like Big Foot’s dick!
Oct 13, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: +1
#34
Andy
Brian Fantana: I’ll give this little cookie an hour before we’re doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard’s Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne… It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
Ron Burgundy: It’s quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.
Ron Burgundy: That doesn’t make sense.
Brian Fantana: Well… Let’s go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
[snarls]
Oct 13, 2008 at 10:40 am rating: +4
#35
Goldie
I heard this happens a lot after getting a Dirty Sanchez, everyone’s perfume suddenly smells like shit to you. With that said, the note writer should probably keep her pervy indiscretions to herself!
Oct 13, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: +8
#36
Juliet
Team notewriter. All the way.
The problem that some people seem to have is with the application of perfume/cologne. Many wearers don’t seem to understand that a little dab will do ya.
I should only smell your perfume if I am within hugging distance of you. Once you apply your perfume, after awhile you can no longer smell it. This is okay, and does not call for repeated applications of it until you can smell it again.
When I was in university I saw this poem written on a desk in one of my classes. I have never forgotten it, 11 years later, because I more than understood the anonymous author’s pain:
LAMENT
Fuck
Someone in this room
is wearing
enough perfume
to drown us all
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: +7
#37
Frankie
I love it when people randomly use lower case and caps. It makes you wonder what kind of attention span they have. Gotta love a pissy spaz.
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: +1
#38
Canthz_B
But, I’m not wearing any perfu—Damned colostomy bag came loose again!!
Oct 13, 2008 at 1:54 pm rating: +19
#39
Hoolrah
It’s much happier to imagine Nicole Kidman prancing around in Chanel couture reeking of feces while Rodrigo Santoro devises a way to push her off the building without making contact.
(If you have no idea what I’m talking about, peep http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTO4FHf8MBs)
Oct 13, 2008 at 2:10 pm rating: 0
#40
Chloe
I had a coworker with a sensitive nose who basically forbade me to eat certain foods in the office. It all began when I ordered a salad that contained feta cheese and had the audacity to unwrap and consume it downwind of him. I guess he was more of a turkey-on-rye type of guy.
Oct 13, 2008 at 2:42 pm rating: +3
#41
Jackie
HAHA! LMAO!! This is so funny because when I was 7 months pregnant (and a little unstable) I had a massive freak-out at work because someone was spraying their perfume on themselves at their desk (open plan seating). I am really sensitive to perfumes and lilies, so I went to my boss and asked her if she could ask people not to spray at their desk…bathroom, outside, whatever, just not at their desk. I was informed that it was public space and they could as they thought they smelled nice. So I very loudly declared that “I might like the smell of shit, but I don’t roll around in it before work!!!” I was given a warning. LOL
Oct 13, 2008 at 2:57 pm rating: +3
#42
Lurker
Yet another case of valid sentiment/poor execution.
Oct 13, 2008 at 3:04 pm rating: +3
#43
Devonte Smith
Ooooh I bet they were earing Elizabeth Taylor “Diamonds”…smells like shit on a stick!!!
Hey check out this art piece from my boy Jansen Wordsworth…
We are working hard to bring his art to tee shirts…fitted hats…and skate decks in 2009
Let us know if you like…
http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/10/13/sundays-at-the-gallery-with-jw-bulls-eye/
Oct 13, 2008 at 3:06 pm rating: 0
#44
fantasy
This is just plain NASTY!
Perfume should make people get just a hint of something yet to discover.
Never should it make people discreetly check to see if they stepped in doggie leavings on the way into the building.
Oct 13, 2008 at 3:12 pm rating: +1
#45
Canthz_B
And I will never breathe again.
Breathe again.
And I can’t stop thinking about,
How your perfume smells like poo.
And I can’t stop thinking about,
How I’d like to kill you too…
Oct 13, 2008 at 4:03 pm rating: +3
#46
Nelley
OK, this actually happend in the HR office! It is not a reconstruction, the stinky offender ran out of the office crying and a co-worker went over and snapped the pic with her phone…true story
Oct 13, 2008 at 6:44 pm rating: +4
#47
Steph
I understand notewriters pain. Several times I’ve had people near me wearing so much perfume that it was actually making me feel ill. Vanilla seems to be one of the worst for it.
I like perfume, but fear being That Fucking Perfume Chick so badly I don’t even own any, haha!
Oct 15, 2008 at 5:50 am rating: 0
#48
kebabette
What the heck perfume is it? Must know!
Oct 15, 2008 at 7:13 pm rating: 0
#49 just another picture to burn
[...] related: let’s not mince words [...]
Jan 22, 2009 at 1:34 am rating: 0
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