need another sign we’re officially in a recession? how ’bout three?
related: “no” questions asked
desperate times
October 13th, 2008 · 79 comments
FILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · bicycle · california · excessive underlining · neighbors · san francisco · smiley · thx
79 responses so far ↓
#1
Frankie
Seriously the store is out of bike pumps.
I have no other kinds of pumps.
*kicks penis pump back under the bed*
Seriously.
Oct 13, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: +33
#2
amy d
Uh, dude? Clearly your life is already sucky.
Oct 13, 2008 at 4:59 pm rating: +19
#3
claw71
So is this what became of the Two Dollars kid from Better Off Dead?
Oct 13, 2008 at 4:59 pm rating: +14
#4
Mishee
Methinks he wants that bike pump for something more urgent than pumping up his tires… I mean, you can do that at any local gas station… really…
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:01 pm rating: +3
#5
amy d
Actually, these signs seem pretty effective with their heartfelt angst. Maybe I should do some signs like these for my missing dildo.
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:03 pm rating: +19
#6
Sloper
No interest? Really? What a deal! Wait a minute… the Fed just dropped the bike pump interest rate to next to zero anyway. Bet you didn’t count on a bike pump thief that watches CNBC…
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:04 pm rating: +5
#7
RunBarbara
when i need to “end the aching in my soul” i just drink a bottle of jack daniels in the bathtub and leave the door unlocked for claw.
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:10 pm rating: +16
#8
maude
Maybe if you could express the aching in your soul in the form of a poem? It’s just not coming across…
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:13 pm rating: +5
#9
Gigi
If she can’t get around on 2 wheels anymore, then that must mean she’s on a trike and has those hard plastic wheels. Well she must have breaked too hard, burned plastic, and made it flat on one side only. “It makes me sad” to think she doesn’t realize how a bike pump won’t help.
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:22 pm rating: +3
#10
Canthz_B
It’s pretty hard to ride a bicycle wearing pumps…or so I’ve heard!
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:32 pm rating: +6
#11
Steph
Those things are like $10. Sayin’.
Oct 13, 2008 at 5:59 pm rating: +1
#12
secondsout
My bike pump has just gotten stolen
My bike pump is missing from me
My bike pump has just gotten stolen
Oh bring back my bike pump to me
Bring back, bring back,
oh bring back my bike pump
To me, to me
Bring back, bring back,
oh bring back my bike pump
To me
I can’t put air in my bike tires
Without bike, I’ve no social life
I’m trying to find me a hipster
A sweaty bike messenger wife
Bring back, bring back,
oh bring back my bike pump
To me, to me
Bring back, bring back,
oh bring back my bike pump
To me
I’m too broke to buy a new bike pump
My tire has an air-leaking hole
Just return my pump with no interest
Please end the aching in my soul
Bring back, bring back,
oh bring back my bike pump
To me, to me
Bring back, bring back,
oh bring back my bike pump
To me
Oct 13, 2008 at 6:01 pm rating: +32
#13
Oni
That Bike Pump was fucking delicious.
. . . Did I do it right?
Oct 13, 2008 at 6:16 pm rating: +6
#14
Krystal Pistol
This little saga really touched MY (not yours) heart.
Oct 13, 2008 at 6:38 pm rating: +3
#15
snee
i’ve got a bike
you can ride it if you like
it’s got a basket
a bell that rings
and things to make it look good
it’s got EVERYTHING but a fucking pump, you asshole!
Oct 13, 2008 at 6:42 pm rating: +10
#16
bean
who wants a moustache ride?
Switch over to moustache rides and you’ll definitely be known as someone who gets around! It can fill that void in your soul AND it comes with its own pump!
Oct 13, 2008 at 6:56 pm rating: +1
#17
Nadir
you are on the top
Oct 13, 2008 at 7:34 pm rating: +1
#18
Canthz_B
A guy who can’t afford a new bike pump can’t really have much of a social life to miss.
“It’s okay, Honey. You can sit on the handlebars!”
Oct 13, 2008 at 7:40 pm rating: +8
#19
Alt_key
Al Gore would be proud. For the love of the planet, return his bike pump!
Oct 13, 2008 at 8:34 pm rating: +8
#20
MsUnreliable
But *stands* seriously. Just give the poor kid his bicycle *sits* pump back *stands*. Or don’t. More passive aggressive notes for us means more bicycle*sits*-related songs from secondsout.
Oct 13, 2008 at 8:58 pm rating: +3
#21
Quite Contrary
Please
return my (not yours)
SELF RESPECT.
I can’t get anywhere until
you return it. & can’t afford a
new one. Please. Don’t make
my life sucky. Please. Thanks.
Did you forget to
return my
SELF RESPECT?
(the one I never even offered to
lend you? Yeah that one. I need it
back badly. I can’t get around on self
worth anymore. And it makes me
sad. Please give me my social life back.
Please. I have no other self respect. Please.
Seriously. I need it now.
K. Thx.
I MISS MY
SELF RESPECT
Please. End the aching in
my soul. Return my self respect
to me. I won’t even charge you
interest. Please. I’m useless and lost
without the use of my abilities. Please.
Have mercy. :> But seriously.
Return it. NOW.
Oct 13, 2008 at 10:02 pm rating: +7
#22
Mera
I don’t know what area of San francisco they live in, but I hear that the public transit here is pretty damn good. And forgetting that, the main city itself is like… a whole two miles and quite walkable.
Either that, or else I’m just really trying to make up a good excuse for not wanting to exert the physical strength to ride/push a bicycle up one of these damned hills, because the up is the problem, I’ve found, not the down.
Oct 13, 2008 at 10:17 pm rating: +1
#23
Canthz_B
Bicycle pump + X = Social life.
X = Social life – Bicycle pump
X = Blow-up doll
∴ Bicycle pump + Blow-up doll = Social life
Oct 14, 2008 at 12:58 am rating: +16
#24
kansas girl
It’s weird how, even though his soul is aching, he is smiling so big that the ends of his mouth actually extend above his eyes.
Maybe he meant to say his face was aching.
Oct 14, 2008 at 3:47 am rating: +2
#25
h!
What if the pump just spontaneously combusted? Fire cannot read.
Oct 14, 2008 at 5:06 am rating: +2
#26
Dare
If you don’t return my bike pump, I’ll have no further reason to roll up my pant legs and then I’ll just be another poser!
Oh wait, I am a poser. K. Thx.
Oct 14, 2008 at 9:02 am rating: +2
#27
Goldie
Dear B. from Apt. 1,
I’ll give you your social life back when I’m done with it. Which should be soon, cuz it kind of sucks. Your friends are boring and pimply, and they are FAT, WTF? And there’s only two of them? Also, when I brought your social life home and looked it closer, I found your right hand was a part of it. I don’t want it. You can have it back right now.
K.Thx
Oct 14, 2008 at 9:57 am rating: +7
#28
kristen
i lived without a bike pump for 5 yrs and i was fine. it sucks something was stolen, but seriously. also: where did he leave it that it got stolen? the hallway? what do you expect…
Oct 14, 2008 at 11:52 am rating: +1
#29
0falcon8
maybe if he had substituted the word “asshole” for “please” each of the 8 times he used it, he might’ve gotten his bike pump back
Oct 14, 2008 at 12:47 pm rating: +3
#30
0falcon8
my self-worth is defined by my possessions and is seriously deflated. i need my bike pump….please!
Oct 14, 2008 at 1:05 pm rating: +2
#31
Ti O
Next door was this sign;
Please return my
Cum Dump asap.
I can’t get anywhere
until you return it. I
can’t afford a new one. Please.
Don’t make my life sucky.
Please. Thanks.
Apartment 3G
Oct 14, 2008 at 3:04 pm rating: +1
#32
plumpdumpling
I like “I have no other pump” sounds dirty.
Oct 14, 2008 at 5:40 pm rating: 0
#33
Kristin
If you didn’t leave your pump out for someone to take…you’d be all good.
Oct 15, 2008 at 10:21 pm rating: 0
#34 lean cuisine
[...] related: desperate times [...]
Oct 23, 2008 at 3:45 pm rating: 0
#35
TrailofTears
FOR SALE: LIGHTLY USED BICYCLE PUMP
Save some money in these tough times! Don’t let the bad economy get in the way of your social life! Just fill up your bike tires and get out of the house. Price negotiable.
Oct 24, 2008 at 9:19 pm rating: +1
#36
MentalFloss
We just moved, and I have no idea where my bike pump is. So, when I wanted to use my bike, I just took it to a thing called a “Gas Station”, where they have a super-dee-duper hose outside that magically fills your bike tires with social-life-giving air.
Whee!
…I really have my doubts that this person was using the pump for their bike tires. Unless the nearest gas station is miles upon miles away, you would hope to god SOMEONE would be kind enough to drop that little info-bomb on him.
And sorry, but you really can’t have that much of a social life if all you use to get around is a bike.
Oct 8, 2009 at 11:43 pm rating: 0
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