But now I’m gold (hooray hooray)

October 14th, 2008 · 60 comments

Meg’s uncanny curatorial ability to uncover the silver lining in any situation was woefully under-appreciated at her last job, but even her former coworkers had to admit that this farewell e-mail was an impressive excavation of meg’s latent passive-aggressive tendencies.

Hi all, Due to Museum restructuring, my position has been terminated today. After seeing five other staff members voluntary departures from the Museum recently. I know this change is a step in the right direction for me. On to bigger, better galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries!!! It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than other (you know who you are)! Cheers, Meg

Hi all, Due to Museum restructuring, my position has been terminated today. After seeing five other staff members voluntary departures from the Museum recently. I know this change is a step in the right direction for me. On to bigger, better galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries!!! It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than others (you know who you are)! Cheers, Meg

related: This shit is bananas

FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · cheers · farewell letter · fired · you know who you are


60 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    Totally illegible for me. :-(

    Click on it, it gets better! :-)

    She could have just said: “Everyone here I like has left, I found a better paying job with smart managers so I’m outta here too, Suckers…you know who you are.”

    Oct 14, 2008 at 6:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   0falcon8 bang

    sounds like the PANseum has a new curator

    Oct 14, 2008 at 6:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    Meg was not laid-off, she was liberated from the shackles of a steady job.
    She is now free to soar to the unemployment office.

    Oct 14, 2008 at 6:40 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   aaa

    Meg’s farewell email an impressive display of latent passive aggressive tendencies? Her former coworkers must not have high standards (and they know who they are).

    Oct 14, 2008 at 7:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Sloper bang

      Wait a minute, I know who I am. Does that make me one of the “more” or one of the “others”?

      Oct 14, 2008 at 11:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Wade bang

    Meg’s prospective new employer to former co-workers: So, what can you tell us about Meg.

    Former co-workers: Here’s her farewell email.

    Meg’s unlikely new employer: No further questions.

    Oct 14, 2008 at 7:41 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Quite Contrary

    museums=high paying salaries
    meg=delusional

    Oct 14, 2008 at 7:42 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   t.

      true that.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   JoelWhy

    I hear they need a new curator at North Dakota’s Museum of Great Turnip Farmers.

    Oct 14, 2008 at 7:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   HS

    later, suckers!

    Oct 14, 2008 at 7:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   secondsout bang

    I bet it was Graham with whom it was less than a pleasure to work. Fuck that guy!

    Oct 14, 2008 at 7:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Troy McClure bang

    Today my employ here is through
    And I’m gonna miss (some of) you
    But I’ll find a nice gallery
    That pays a high salary
    With organised management too

    Oct 14, 2008 at 8:03 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   secondsout bang

    Meg got dropped from this museum, yet she thinks that the bigger, higher-paying, more organized museums are just begging for her? Suuuuure…

    Oct 14, 2008 at 8:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   claw71 bang

    Meg’s not passive aggressive at all, just optimistic. In a few months she’ll be sending similar letters to her landlord when she’s evicted and her bank after they repo her car. Eventually, when she’s gang raped by a family of CHUDs, she’ll be just as chipper.

    Oct 14, 2008 at 8:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   MsUnreliable

    It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than others (you know who you are). The rest of you smell like cheese. Yes, cheese. And not the good kind.

    Oct 14, 2008 at 8:36 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   snee

      cheese is funny.

      Oct 14, 2008 at 8:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Ti O

      Wheeeeeee Cheese!

      Oct 15, 2008 at 2:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   cheesefries

      i love cheese!

      Oct 16, 2008 at 9:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Hev

      Doesn’t take much to change the subject…..

      Oct 17, 2008 at 6:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Jones

    Meg honey, I think the difference you may not be seeing is that the 5 other people left on their own…their position was not terminated.

    Oct 14, 2008 at 8:43 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   secondsout bang

    What do you bet that Meg’s job is open again a week after she got laid off?

    Oct 14, 2008 at 8:43 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   snee

    bye all,

    they finally fired my ass.

    you suck,
    meg

    Oct 14, 2008 at 8:53 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Walrus

    I have worked in the museum business and I just facebooked this for my museum friends (they know who they are). They are gonna be jealous that Meg is getting a museum job that is organized and high paying… wait a minute…

    Oct 14, 2008 at 9:45 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Halley

    terminating Meg’s position was fucking delicious.

    Oct 14, 2008 at 10:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Doug

      Haha, it took somebody long enough to say it!

      Oct 14, 2008 at 10:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   tinkerbell2

      unitard for the retard, pronto.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 7:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   tinkerbell2

      um.. for the. guess I’m the retard. why won’t it let me edit?

      Oct 15, 2008 at 7:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Jade

    Nice Rilo Kiley reference in the title!

    Oct 14, 2008 at 10:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   laureneliz

    hooray, hooray … i’m your silver lining

    Oct 14, 2008 at 10:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Dare

    Did no one else notice the “Ciao” in the subject? With foreign language skills like Meg’s, she is definitely destined for employment in higher paying and organizationally managed museum institutions…

    Oct 15, 2008 at 8:46 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Alt_key

      …surely her use of witty foreign lines is a shoe-in for dusting the world exhibits..

      Oct 15, 2008 at 8:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   maude

    Oh man, if you’re gonna go out like that, go for the gold! None of this pussyfooting. She’s got the right idea but she could’ve taken it so much further. I guess that’s what makes it passive-aggressive.

    Oct 15, 2008 at 9:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Goldie

    WTF is a high-paying salary?

    Oct 15, 2008 at 9:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Goldie

    Seriously I am in awe of Meg. I’ve seen enough “I found another job” farewell emails circulating around offices, and believe me it is easy to screw that one up, too. In one case, the sender of a botched farewell email was escorted out the door two weeks before his actual farewell date.
    But freakin WOW, I have never seen an “I got canned” farewell email. Truth be told, I don’t even have it in me to poke fun at poor Meg. It is a bad situation to be in, and acting a lil unstable is understandable. Heck, who knows how I would behave if I were given the pink slip. You only have fifteen minutes to go down in flames. What would I do with my fifteen minutes? I have no idea. Maybe I’d run around the office screaming obscenities, kicking select coworkers in the crotch. You know who you are.

    Oct 15, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Juliet

      My position at work was terminated a month ago. I didn’t send out an e-mail as there were 3 people in my office and one quit before I was laid off, and the remaining person was the one who terminated me.

      So yeah, I can’t quite make fun of this person. But what I want to know was did she get three months’ pay like I did?

      Get your money for nothin’
      Your rent for free

      Oct 15, 2008 at 12:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   notreallyclawsunderpants_misheesbra

    I would pay to see the email that got someone drug out 2 weeks early.

    Oct 15, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Goldie

      I better answer now before they kill you for not gigglebraxing. First off, the guy sent his email to the entire staff of a worldwide corporation, that’s several thousand people, and started it with: “This is my two weeks notice”. 90% of his email recipients (including the CEO, CFO etc.) had no clue who the hell he was. He then followed up with “while it’s been nice here, in the best interests of my family I had to take a job offer from another company”. And closed with “my replacement is Joe Blow, starting today please start going to him with all questions about application XXX”. Personally I find it, though a tad asinine, still relatively harmless, but somehow that was enough.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   aaa

      Who ever said a prompt reply will prevent his death? Personally, I’m trying to work out some sort of forced gigglebraxing situation.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 12:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Juliet

      Okay, I have to ask. What is gigglebraxing? I can’t guess from the context and my google searches for the term lead me to other PAN posts that are equally mysterious in explaining what it is.

      I’m sorry I don’t know. Mock me if you must!

      Oct 15, 2008 at 12:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   aaa

      Gigglebraxing is nesting your comments. I kinda remember that it just showed up one day a few months ago, but I’m not sure exactly when or where.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 1:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   Goldie

      aaa, it would certainly not prevent his death, but at least he’ll die knowing the answer to his question!

      Oct 15, 2008 at 1:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   aaa

      True, true. Although, being the sinister person I am, would’ve finished him off halfway through the story, leaving his ghost to wander the earth wondering what the other half of the story was.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 1:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.7   claw71 bang

      Yeah, I made up that whole “gigglebraxing” thing about four months ago. It was actually a term I coined when I was telling Kerry that she should allow for individual comments to have their own threads. She thought it was a great idea. She never paid me for it, but that’s OK. She’s a good kid who has come a long way since kicking her meth addiction.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 2:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.8   Juliet

      So right now we are, in fact, gigglebraxing.

      Thanks for not letting me die without answering my burning question.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 3:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   GhostWriter bang

    “Of all the people that I am going to miss, I think I’ll miss you, animated mannequin of Teddy Roosevelt, the most!”

    Oct 15, 2008 at 10:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Dare

    In my office, we’re so passive aggressive that while my boss is taking the to-be fired employee into the conference room to drop the bomb, I am locking out the employees network IDs and backing up all of their data…

    It always grates on me when I have to do that.

    Oct 15, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Ti O

      “So is she deaf or something? She isn’t very responsive.”
      “She’s a statue!”

      Oct 15, 2008 at 3:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Susan

    My last day at my job is this Friday. Now I have the sendoff email I have been looking for!

    Oct 15, 2008 at 10:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Goldie

      The creepiest farewell email I ever got included the words: “this place has been a home away from home”. Apparently a standard phrase, but who the fuck lives in the office, and do I want to continue working there if that’s what is expected of us??
      Feel free to reuse.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 11:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   aaa

      I dunno, I guess the office is homey enough for most people to feel comfortable eating oatmeal and looking at porn.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 12:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Dare

      Depending on what lunches are available for thieving, I could consider my office my home away from home. My wife isn’t the greatest cook after all…

      Oct 15, 2008 at 3:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Joanna

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha I love this site.

    Oct 15, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   claw71 bang

    Ok people, here’s the way it works:

    If you get fired the company wins. You can send out all the PA emails you want but at the end of the day the company cut you loose because you meant much less to them than they meant to you.

    If you do quit and you decide to pour all of your venom into a parting shot that you send just before you head out the door you only prove that you were a gutless punk who didn’t have the stones to speak his/her mind when it mattered. In short, you saved the company the trouble of putting you out on the street.

    I’ve worked in HR and I’ve seen plenty of last words sent out by people like this. The funny thing is that everybody who gets the email shares the same sentiment: good riddance.

    Oct 15, 2008 at 11:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Goldie

      Amen, brother Claw. The way I see it, and this is my fifth job in my 11 years in America, so I am an experienced quitter – when you walk out of a job, you walk out of a room full of people that you may soon need to use as a reference. You know, in case your new place turns out to be somewhat less than a stellar job with “organized management and higher-paying salaries”. With that in mind, I have always parted on best terms possible. Rule of thumb, if your former coworkers email you at your new place asking for a date, then you did everything right when you left. Heh heh, but seriously, if they send you LinkedIn invites by the dozen, then you did good. Of course in my case, it helped that most of my former coworkers were genuinely nice people.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 11:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   claw71 bang

      Get in line, Goldie…this is my 11th job in 5 years. Prospective employers have to subscribe to my resume. Of course if I did leave every job with a pithy missive I might be publishing a book right now.

      Oct 15, 2008 at 11:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   jenny

    Seconded on loving the post title!

    Oct 15, 2008 at 12:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   bobby

    Maybe she worked a “museum” and is now off to work at a museum. Which would pay higher.

    Oct 15, 2008 at 2:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Michal-Lynn

    Rilo Kiley, FTW!

    Oct 15, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   jabberwock

    Awesome. In a few sentences, she gives everyone a good laugh, and answers that niggling question in her coworkers’ minds: “Why did they choose *Meg* in the layoff?”

    Oct 16, 2008 at 9:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Mudhooks

    “galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries”

    I wonder how Meg likes folding shirts at The Gap… in Dreamland?

    Nov 10, 2008 at 10:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed